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🎲 Surprise Me

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And on the day they were going to elope,
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I can't believe you're a college freshman.
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that you were better than Kyle and his friends.
friendskyle
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So how long you going for?
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her last waking minutes with a sponge and a can of cleanser.
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(Charlie sighs)
charliecharlie-sighssighs
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Kleenex?
kleenex
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You think anyone would ever really hire me?
hire
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No, that's impossible. He died, like, 40 years ago.
diedimpossibleyears
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Here's your peppermint latte.
lattepeppermint
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Right. Time of death, 6:20.
death
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PLUTO'S NOT A PLANET.
planet
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- That's 100% flat, dude. - I know. That's what I mean.
flat
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No. No.
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WOW. THAT IS THE WORST BROKEN NOSE I HAVE EVER SEEN.
brokennoseseenworst
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All we need to do is get his name, and then I can rat on him.
name
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If I was going to let myself get beaten by failure,
beatenfailure
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Exactly. I'd like to see somebody else order that many cookies.
cookiesordersomebody
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I'm so sick of this!
sick
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Bzzt! Unh!
bzzt
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there's no way you guys could be cops.
cops
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All right, buddy. Today's the day.
buddytodays
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After trying to get out of the hospital vertically,
hospitalvertically
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of a crusader is not an easy one
easy
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Si?
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- You do not have a ticket. - Yeah.
ticket
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Says the word.
word
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But today's as good a day as any.
todays
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[power ballad music] ♪ But if anyone knew ♪
balladballad-musicmusicpower
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be like, "Wait a minute, we haven't had corn in weeks."
cornminuteweeks
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The picture on the cup.
picture
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I'LL ALWAYS DIAL THE "K" FOR YOU.
dial
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and switches the boxes?
boxesswitches
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Elliot.
elliot
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THE SILENT TREATMENT FOR A COUPLE DAYS,
couplecouple-daysdayssilentsilent-treatmenttreatment
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You're not one of us
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I need someone to put in a good word for me.
word
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Hey! Get off of me!
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Shit! Shit!
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- and normal stuff there too. - Yeah.
normalstuff
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You're also gonna tell her the truth.
truth
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Yeah, this is exactly why you shouldn't steal
steal
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We're the ones getting left out,
leftones
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For a good litigator, we're talking at least...
least
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IS GONNA BE AN ASSHOLE TO MY SISTER, THEN,
assholesister
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Yes. I want the clubs back.
clubs
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And I wouldn't be able to work at Gugino's anymore, and my
ableanymoreguginos
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I'm going on a date.
date