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Ghost World (2001)
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Ghost World (2001)
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Season 1, Episode 1 — Ghost World (2001)
High school is like the training wheels...
#1
⇓
for the bicycle of real life.
#2
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It is a time when young people can explore different fields of interests
#3
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and hopefully learn from their experiences.
#4
⇓
In coming to terms with my own personal setback...
#5
⇓
I have been able to learn...
#6
⇓
that I don't need to rely on drugs and alcohol...
#7
⇓
and that I'm very lucky...
#8
⇓
that more people besides myself and Kerry...
#9
⇓
weren't injured in the accident.
#10
⇓
And I have learned...
#11
⇓
that to overcome life's obstacles...
#12
⇓
you need faith, hope...
#13
⇓
and above all, a sense of humor.
#14
⇓
No more education
#15
⇓
It's time for celebration
#16
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'Cause this is the day of our high school graduation
#17
⇓
We've stayed for the duration
#18
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Achieved matriculation
#19
⇓
Now we're the newest members of the general population
#20
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God, what a bunch of retards.
#21
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God, I know. I thought that chipmunk face was never going to shut up.
#22
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I know. I liked her so much better when she was an alcoholic crack addict.
#23
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She gets in one car wreck...
#24
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and all of the sudden she's Little Miss Perfect and everyone loves her.
#25
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Let's see if they gave me the right diploma.
#26
⇓
- What? - What?
#27
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These assholes are saying I have to go to summer school...
#28
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- and take some stupid art class. - Why?
#29
⇓
God, I didn't think that just because you get an "F"...
#30
⇓
you have to take the whole class over again.
#31
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Loser.
#32
⇓
Wow. This is so bad, it's almost good.
#33
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This is so bad, it's gone past good and back to bad again.
#34
⇓
At least we'll never have to see...
#35
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any of these creepy faces ever again.
#36
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Unless they're in your summer school class.
#37
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Shut up.
#38
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- Don't turn around. - What? Why?
#39
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- Don't turn around. - Damn it.
#40
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Oh, my God. You guys, I can't believe we made it.
#41
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Yeah. We graduated high school.
#42
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How totally amazing.
#43
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So, what are you guys doing this summer?
#44
⇓
Nothing.
#45
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Well, I'm going to this actor's workshop...
#46
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and I'm hoping to start auditions soon.
#47
⇓
Oh, we have to get together this summer.
#48
⇓
Yeah. That'll definitely happen.
#49
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Well, bye, you guys.
#50
⇓
Congratulations!
#51
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- Hey, Rebecca. - Oh, hi.
#52
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So, we finally...
#53
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What about me? Am I not even here?
#54
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Hey, Enid.
#55
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- So, we finally made it, huh? - Yeah.
#56
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So, where are you going to go to college?
#57
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We're not.
#58
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Really?
#59
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Both of you? Why not?
#60
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Just because.
#61
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Yeah, we made other plans.
#62
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I guess I should have figured...
#63
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that you two would do something different.
#64
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So, Todd, what are you going to be when you grow up?
#65
⇓
Well, I'm majoring in Business Administration...
#66
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and thinking of minoring in Communications, so...
#67
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See, that's exactly the type of thing we're trying to avoid.
#68
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Look at this.
#69
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Is Stacy Himmler going out with Rod Harbaugh?
#70
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Oh, God. How perfect.
#71
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He better watch out, or he'll get AIDS when he date-rapes her.
#72
⇓
Where is the love
#73
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You said you'd give to me
#74
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As soon as you were free?
#75
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Will it ever be?
#76
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God, just think. We'll never see Dennis again.
#77
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Good.
#78
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No, really. Think about that.
#79
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It's actually totally depressing.
#80
⇓
Is it crazy for an oil company to care about the environment?
#81
⇓
We don't think so.
#82
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I already told you I'm not going to college.
#83
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I think it's a good idea to keep all your options open.
#84
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You can even enroll in the winter quarter.
#85
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Actually, you could live here...
#86
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and go to the city college part time...
#87
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and still get a job if you want.
#88
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Look at me. I'm not even listening...
#89
⇓
to a word you're saying.
#90
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Did I tell you who I ran into at the bagel place?
#91
⇓
Who?
#92
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- Guess. - How should I know?
#93
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Well, someone from the past.
#94
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- Who? - You give up?
#95
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- Yes. - Maxine.
#96
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- Not the Maxine? - Yeah.
#97
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Oh, God. How horrifying.
#98
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It's very good.
#99
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Jesus.
#100
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Check out these people behind you.
#101
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I'm totally convinced they're Satanists.
#102
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So when are we gonna start looking for our apartment?
#103
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Soon.
#104
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I have to wait and see how this summer class goes first.
#105
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God, it's so weird that we're finally out of high school.
#106
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We've been waiting for this our whole lives.
#107
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It's such a weird feeling.
#108
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Yeah. It hasn't really hit me yet.
#109
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Well, well, well.
#110
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If it isn't Enid and Rebecca...
#111
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the little Jewish girl and her Aryan friend.
#112
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- You're late, asshole. - Fine, and how are you?
#113
⇓
Did you bring the tape?
#114
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You never paid me for that tape of the Indian dance routine.
#115
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Yes, I did.
#116
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You Jews are so clever with money.
#117
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Fuck you! You stupid redneck hick.
#118
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Oh, my God. Look, the Satanists are leaving.
#119
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Hey, we should follow them.
#120
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Oh, we totally have to.
#121
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Oh, my God!
#122
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So, what do you do if you're a Satanist, anyway?
#123
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Sacrifice virgins and stuff.
#124
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Well, that lets us off the hook.
#125
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How the hell did we get so far behind them?
#126
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I don't know. That's just great.
#127
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- Jesus! - Oh, yay.
#128
⇓
Oh, my God. Look at this.
#129
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"Wowsville"? Authentic Fifties diner?
#130
⇓
Since when were there mini-malls in the 1950s?
#131
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Who could forget this great hit from the Fifties, huh?
#132
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I feel as though I've stepped into a time warp.
#133
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Hey, check out the awesome Fifties hairdo on our waiter.
#134
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Hi. My name is Allen...
#135
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and I'll be your waiter this afternoon.
#136
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- Hi, Al. - Can we call you "Weird Al"?
#137
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I'd imagine so.
#138
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You should check out the personals.
#139
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Maybe our future husbands are trying to contact us.
#140
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Here we go.
#141
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"Windsurfing doctor, Mensan IQ, maverick Sagittarius."
#142
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"Let's hit the clubs, make each other laugh."
#143
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You can have that one.
#144
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Jesus, listen to this one.
#145
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"Do you remember me, airport shuttle, June 7?"
#146
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"You, striking blond with yellow dress..."
#147
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"pearl necklace, brown shoes."
#148
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"I was the bookish fellow in the green cardigan..."
#149
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"who helped you find your contact lens."
#150
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"Am I crazy, or did we have a moment?"
#151
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God, that's so pathetic.
#152
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I mean, she probably didn't even notice him.
#153
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And he's psychotically obsessing over every little detail.
#154
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We should call him and pretend to be the blond.
#155
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Oh, we totally have to.
#156
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It's his machine.
#157
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Hi, it's me.
#158
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Your striking blond.
#159
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Of course I remember you.
#160
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Let's get together for lunch sometime.
#161
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How about Friday at 1:00?
#162
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Meet me at my favorite restaurant... Wowsville.
#163
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It's in the mall on Century Parkway.
#164
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See you there, darling.
#165
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Oh, yeah, and be sure to wear that sexy green cardigan.
#166
⇓
Oh, it's that comedian I was telling you about.
#167
⇓
- I still live with my mother. - He's the absolute worst.
#168
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So what if she's been dead for fifteen years?
#169
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See? That's barely even a joke.
#170
⇓
Well, it's like I always say...
#171
⇓
take my life... please.
#172
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Joey McCobb, the weirdest man in show business.
#173
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If he's so weird, how come he's wearing Nikes?
#174
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Joey McCobb is our god.
#175
⇓
- I want to do him. - I bet.
#176
⇓
Actually, he kind of reminds me...
#177
⇓
of that one guy you went out with... Larry.
#178
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God, what look was he going for...
#179
⇓
a gay tennis player from the Forties?
#180
⇓
- Fuck you. - You dated him.
#181
⇓
Why do you have this?
#182
⇓
I don't know. You lent it to me in, like, tenth grade.
#183
⇓
Oh, look at how cute I am.
#184
⇓
What a little hose bag.
#185
⇓
Look, there's my dad with Maxine.
#186
⇓
God, look at her. What a fucking monster.
#187
⇓
If he starts dating her again, I'll kill myself.
#188
⇓
Listen, lady, you tell me you want to relax your hair.
#189
⇓
Sing it a lullaby or use this. It's all I've got.
#190
⇓
Hey, what you doing?
#191
⇓
You have five minutes left on your shift.
#192
⇓
Well, hello there, young employee of the Sidewinder.
#193
⇓
Look, I already told you guys, I'm not giving you a ride.
#194
⇓
What can you tell me, young man...
#195
⇓
about the various flavors of frozen yogurt?
#196
⇓
I'll be done in a minute. Can you guys just wait outside?
#197
⇓
I don't understand. I simply wish to know...
#198
⇓
Josh, what are you doing?
#199
⇓
In addition to our favorites, chocolate and vanilla...
#200
⇓
this week we are featuring six-gun strawberry...
#201
⇓
wild cherry roundup, and ten-gallon tangerine.
#202
⇓
I don't believe I care for any of those.
#203
⇓
What's up, Josh? Give me two packs of cigarettes today.
#204
⇓
Working overtime. Sixteen hours.
#205
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And nature's nectar, wake-up Juice.
#206
⇓
And give me six of these beef jerkys.
#207
⇓
I'm hungry enough to chew the crotch out of a rag doll.
#208
⇓
Hey! Hey, you!
#209
⇓
How many times I tell you? No shirt, no service.
#210
⇓
Get the hell out of my store.
#211
⇓
What do you think this is, Club Med?
#212
⇓
It's America, dude. Learn the rules.
#213
⇓
No, you learn the rules. We Greeks invented democracy.
#214
⇓
- You also invented homos. - Fuck you.
#215
⇓
You wish. You got to buy me dinner first.
#216
⇓
So...
#217
⇓
Can we talk about this in a minute?
#218
⇓
Seriously, I'm, like, this close to being done.
#219
⇓
Son of a bitch.
#220
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What do you think you're doing?
#221
⇓
Turn off that goddamn noise.
#222
⇓
Rock 'n' roll, baby. Freedom of speech.
#223
⇓
What do you think this is, Woodstock?
#224
⇓
- That guy rules! - Who, Doug?
#225
⇓
That guy spends more time in here than I do.
#226
⇓
It's my parking lot!
#227
⇓
So, Josh, will you please give us a ride?
#228
⇓
- Please, Josh? - No.
#229
⇓
- Please? It'll be super fun. - Please, Josh?
#230
⇓
Look, I don't see why you guys even need a ride.
#231
⇓
You could walk there in two minutes.
#232
⇓
It's just an excuse for us to spend time with you, Josh.
#233
⇓
If this guy freaks out, will you protect us?
#234
⇓
This guy has every reason to freak out.
#235
⇓
This is a pretty fucked up thing to do to somebody.
#236
⇓
I think Josh is becoming too mature for us.
#237
⇓
Oh, look, maybe that's him.
#238
⇓
No. It's still twenty-five minutes too early.
#239
⇓
Aren't there a million places like this?
#240
⇓
No. This is the ultimate.
#241
⇓
It's, like, the Taj Mahal of fake Fifties diners.
#242
⇓
So, where's the Weird AI guy?
#243
⇓
There he is back there.
#244
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I can see his hair bobbing up and down.
#245
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I want to make love to him.
#246
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I'm gonna tell him you said that.
#247
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So nice to see you again, ladies.
#248
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Hi, Weird Al. My friend here has...
#249
⇓
Shut up!
#250
⇓
- She says she wants to... - Shut up!
#251
⇓
Oh, my God.
#252
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God, that is obviously him.
#253
⇓
Oh, my God. He just ordered a giant glass of milk.
#254
⇓
That's a vanilla milkshake.
#255
⇓
Oh, God, this is totally unbearable.
#256
⇓
Fucking asshole! What's wrong with you?
#257
⇓
Oh, my God. It's him.
#258
⇓
- Can anybody drive? - He's insane.
#259
⇓
- We should follow him home. - Forget it.
#260
⇓
Come on, Josh. Don't you want to see where this guy lives?
#261
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God, he lives right in our neighborhood.
#262
⇓
He doesn't even look all that bummed out really.
#263
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I know.
#264
⇓
Wouldn't he be, like, totally pissed off?
#265
⇓
This type of thing must happen to him all the time.
#266
⇓
Mirror, father, mirror.
#267
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That piece is entitled "Mirror, Father, Mirror."
#268
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I like to show it...
#269
⇓
to people that I'm meeting for the first time...
#270
⇓
because I think it says so much about who I am...
#271
⇓
and what it feels like to inhabit my specific skin.
#272
⇓
And this is exactly what I'm hoping to get...
#273
⇓
from each of you over the course of this summer...
#274
⇓
a picture of your own self-exploration.
#275
⇓
Now, my own background is in video and performance art...
#276
⇓
but I'm hoping that doesn't influence you too much...
#277
⇓
and you'll find your own ways of externalizing the internal.
#278
⇓
And at the end of the summer, this class has been invited...
#279
⇓
to participate in a show of high school art...
#280
⇓
at the neighborhood activity center.
#281
⇓
The title of the show will be...
#282
⇓
"Brotherhood and Community: Art as Dialogue."
#283
⇓
Are there any questions so far?
#284
⇓
Great!
#285
⇓
This is really creepy.
#286
⇓
We just need to find out what apartment he's in...
#287
⇓
and we'll stalk him from a distance.
#288
⇓
I'm afraid if I see him, I'll feel really bad again.
#289
⇓
This is girl mail.
#290
⇓
This is computer catalogs and stuff.
#291
⇓
"The W.C. Fields Fan Club Newsletter"?
#292
⇓
Oh, my God. The National Psoriasis Foundation?
#293
⇓
- Bingo. - Did you hear something?
#294
⇓
Come on.
#295
⇓
What if he recognizes us?
#296
⇓
Eww, look at this.
#297
⇓
Eww. Gross.
#298
⇓
Kinda cute.
#299
⇓
It looks like a gross rat.
#300
⇓
That's a mongoose.
#301
⇓
How much is it?
#302
⇓
That's not officially for sale.
#303
⇓
I might have to hang on to that for the time being.
#304
⇓
So, you looking for anything in particular?
#305
⇓
Do you have any other old records besides these?
#306
⇓
Seymour does.
#307
⇓
Who does?
#308
⇓
Oh, him. Seymour.
#309
⇓
He's the man with the records.
#310
⇓
Do you have any old Indian records?
#311
⇓
Indian records?
#312
⇓
Yeah. You know, like, old Indian 1960s rock 'n' roll music.
#313
⇓
I may have one Hindu 78...
#314
⇓
in my collection from the Twenties...
#315
⇓
but it's not really for sale.
#316
⇓
I don't really collect foreign.
#317
⇓
Those are all 78s. You play 78s?
#318
⇓
Maybe not 78s, but I can play regular records.
#319
⇓
Well, there's some good stuff in here.
#320
⇓
- You like old music? - Yeah, it's good.
#321
⇓
There's some choice LPs in here...
#322
⇓
that reissue some really great old blues stuff.
#323
⇓
How about this one? Is it any good?
#324
⇓
No, that one's not so great.
#325
⇓
Excuse me.
#326
⇓
This is the one I'd recommend.
#327
⇓
It's...
#328
⇓
This track alone by Memphis Minnie...
#329
⇓
is worth about $500 if you own the original 78.
#330
⇓
I know the guy who owns the original...
#331
⇓
and lent it for use on this reissue.
#332
⇓
Wow.
#333
⇓
- How much is it? - $1.75.
#334
⇓
If you don't like it, you can bring it back for a refund.
#335
⇓
We're here every Saturday.
#336
⇓
I'm sure it's OK.
#337
⇓
Enjoy.
#338
⇓
It was so cute how he had his own little bags.
#339
⇓
I thought I was going to start crying.
#340
⇓
Yeah, he should totally just kill himself.
#341
⇓
Oh, here's one.
#342
⇓
But you have to share with a...
#343
⇓
"nonsmoking feminist and her two cats."
#344
⇓
I don't know. I kind of like him.
#345
⇓
He's the exact opposite of everything I really hate.
#346
⇓
In a way, he's such a clueless dork...
#347
⇓
he's almost kind of cool.
#348
⇓
That guy is many things, but he's definitely not cool.
#349
⇓
This would be good, but there's no kitchen.
#350
⇓
Yeah, but... you know what I mean.
#351
⇓
Not really.
#352
⇓
Forget it. I can't explain it.
#353
⇓
Oh, my God. What are you guys doing here?
#354
⇓
What are you doing here, Melorra?
#355
⇓
My acting workshop is across the street from here.
#356
⇓
I'm just on my break.
#357
⇓
Well, we won't keep you.
#358
⇓
I love this place.
#359
⇓
It's so, I don't know... You know, funky.
#360
⇓
So, what are you guys up to?
#361
⇓
We're looking for apartments.
#362
⇓
God, how cool. Where are you moving?
#363
⇓
We don't know yet. That's why we're looking.
#364
⇓
Somewhere downtown.
#365
⇓
God, that's so exciting.
#366
⇓
Oops, I should go.
#367
⇓
Bye, you guys. Call me. Bye.
#368
⇓
Funky.
#369
⇓
What, is she black now?
#370
⇓
So, I was thinking that when we look for our apartment...
#371
⇓
we have to convince these people that we're totally rich yuppies.
#372
⇓
What are you talking about?
#373
⇓
That's who people want to rent to.
#374
⇓
So all we have to do is buy semi-expensive outfits...
#375
⇓
and I think it's no big deal.
#376
⇓
It'll be really fun.
#377
⇓
Honey, have you seen my blue spatula?
#378
⇓
What, are you making pancakes?
#379
⇓
Not if I can't find that goddamn spatula.
#380
⇓
That's just great. When did you do that?
#381
⇓
God, how long have you been standing there?
#382
⇓
Hey, look. There's the pants.
#383
⇓
Where are we going?
#384
⇓
Let's go hassle Josh.
#385
⇓
Hassle?
#386
⇓
- Oh, look, there he is. - As always.
#387
⇓
Waiting for the bus that never comes.
#388
⇓
I wonder if he's just totally insane...
#389
⇓
or he really thinks the bus is coming?
#390
⇓
Why don't you just ask him?
#391
⇓
Hi. What's your name?
#392
⇓
Norman.
#393
⇓
- Are you waiting for a bus? - Yes.
#394
⇓
I hate to tell you this...
#395
⇓
but they canceled this bus line two years ago.
#396
⇓
There are no more buses on this street.
#397
⇓
You don't know what you're talking about.
#398
⇓
Josh!
#399
⇓
I bet he's in there jerking off.
#400
⇓
I'll bet he never jerks off.
#401
⇓
Yeah, he's beyond human stuff like that.
#402
⇓
Should we leave a note?
#403
⇓
- Yeah. You got a pen? - Yeah.
#404
⇓
"Dear Josh, we came by to fuck you..."
#405
⇓
"but you were not home. Therefore, you are gay."
#406
⇓
"Signed Tiffany and Amber."
#407
⇓
- You're going to leave that? - Why not?
#408
⇓
Why do we have to go in here? I hate this place.
#409
⇓
Don't worry. It'll only take a second.
#410
⇓
Whoever told you that bullshit about boiling...
#411
⇓
is out of his mind.
#412
⇓
Carpet beetles are the only way to get flesh off a corpse.
#413
⇓
I'm just telling you what he said.
#414
⇓
Don't you creeps ever talk about anything nice?
#415
⇓
Don't you ever talk about fluffy kittens or the Easter Bunny?
#416
⇓
Look who's talking, Little Miss Badass.
#417
⇓
Yeah, nice outfit.
#418
⇓
Who are you supposed to be, Cyndi Lauper?
#419
⇓
Blow me, doofus.
#420
⇓
Oh, my God. Didn't they tell you?
#421
⇓
- Tell me what? - Punk rock is over.
#422
⇓
I know it's over, asshole.
#423
⇓
Want to fuck up the system? Go to business school.
#424
⇓
That's what I'm going to do.
#425
⇓
Get a job at some big corporation...
#426
⇓
and, like, fuck things up from the inside.
#427
⇓
- You know, I'm not even trying... - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
#428
⇓
Hey, do you have my money?
#429
⇓
Oh, how punk.
#430
⇓
You know that tape sucked, by the way?
#431
⇓
- So sorry if it offended Jew. - Go die, asshole.
#432
⇓
- Get a job. - God, fuck you.
#433
⇓
Can we go now?
#434
⇓
You know, it's not like I'm some modern punk, dickhead.
#435
⇓
It's obviously a 1977 original punk rock look.
#436
⇓
Johnny Fuckface over there is too stupid to realize it.
#437
⇓
I didn't really get it, either.
#438
⇓
Everyone's too stupid.
#439
⇓
It took me a while before I got a chance to actually play it...
#440
⇓
but once I heard that song, it was like...
#441
⇓
You liked it, huh?
#442
⇓
There's some really rare performances.
#443
⇓
What about... Did you like the Memphis Minnie?
#444
⇓
That was good, too. The whole record was good...
#445
⇓
but that one song, "Devil Got My Woman..."
#446
⇓
I mostly just keep playing that over and over.
#447
⇓
Do you have any other records like that?
#448
⇓
There are no other records like that.
#449
⇓
Actually, I have the original 78 in my collection.
#450
⇓
It's one of maybe five known copies.
#451
⇓
Wow.
#452
⇓
Yeah. Do you want to see it?
#453
⇓
I can run upstairs and get it.
#454
⇓
Sure, yeah.
#455
⇓
Watch my stuff.
#456
⇓
Here we go. It's...
#457
⇓
It's only about a B-minus.
#458
⇓
It's got an incipient lam crack...
#459
⇓
but it plays decent as I recall.
#460
⇓
- Oops, I dropped it! - Jeez!
#461
⇓
I was only kidding.
#462
⇓
Jesus, Seymour, are you all right?
#463
⇓
Yeah, it's just...
#464
⇓
it's very valuable.
#465
⇓
Now, last week, I asked you...
#466
⇓
to try to create a piece of artwork...
#467
⇓
that responds to something you have strong feelings about.
#468
⇓
I merely want to help you find...
#469
⇓
the best way to look within yourselves...
#470
⇓
the best key to your particular lock.
#471
⇓
And it looks like we have some really interesting work up here.
#472
⇓
Thanks.
#473
⇓
What can you tell us about your piece...
#474
⇓
Phillip?
#475
⇓
It's about The Mutilator.
#476
⇓
My goodness.
#477
⇓
It's a really great video game...
#478
⇓
about a guy who kills people with a big hammer.
#479
⇓
Oh. I thought maybe this was supposed to be your father.
#480
⇓
What can you tell us about this piece..
#481
⇓
- Enid. - Enid.
#482
⇓
Well, it's kind of a diary, I guess.
#483
⇓
Colorful.
#484
⇓
I think that Phillip and Enid can help us to see that...
#485
⇓
there are many different ways we can express ourselves.
#486
⇓
We can do things like these cartoons that are amusing...
#487
⇓
as a sort of a light entertainment...
#488
⇓
or we can do work that is more serious...
#489
⇓
in scope, in feeling, and that deals with issues...
#490
⇓
emotional, spiritual, political...
#491
⇓
of great importance.
#492
⇓
Who is responsible for this?
#493
⇓
I am.
#494
⇓
Talk to us about it.
#495
⇓
It's my response to the issue of a woman's right to choose.
#496
⇓
It's something I feel super strongly about.
#497
⇓
Isn't this a wonderful piece, class?
#498
⇓
This definitely falls into that higher category of art...
#499
⇓
I was speaking of earlier.
#500
⇓
In a world where nothing is what it seems...
#501
⇓
in a time of uncertainty...
#502
⇓
the future is about to be placed...
#503
⇓
Hello. Welcome to Masterpiece Video.
#504
⇓
How may I help you this afternoon, sir?
#505
⇓
I'm looking for a copy of "81/2."
#506
⇓
Is that a new release, sir?
#507
⇓
No. It's the classic Italian film.
#508
⇓
Yes, sir.
#509
⇓
I'll just check that on the computer for you, sir.
#510
⇓
Hello! How are you young ladies this afternoon?
#511
⇓
May I help you find a particular Masterpiece movie?
#512
⇓
No.
#513
⇓
Yes, here it is.
#514
⇓
"91/2 Weeks" with Mickey Rourke.
#515
⇓
That would be in the erotic drama section.
#516
⇓
No, not "91/2," "81/2." The Fellini film.
#517
⇓
How about this one?
#518
⇓
Forget it. I'm sure it sucks.
#519
⇓
All these movies suck.
#520
⇓
America's top critics agree...
#521
⇓
"The Flower That Drank The Moon..."
#522
⇓
Let's get out of here. This place makes me sick.
#523
⇓
We have to do something fun tonight.
#524
⇓
It's my last weekend of freedom before I start my stupid job.
#525
⇓
I know a party we could go to later.
#526
⇓
Really? Where?
#527
⇓
It's a surprise.
#528
⇓
Some records I will pay serious money for...
#529
⇓
provided that they're a sincere V-plus.
#530
⇓
Other than that, I just prefer to have them on CD.
#531
⇓
But CDs will never have the presence of an original 78.
#532
⇓
Wrong. A digital transfer, adequately mastered...
#533
⇓
will sound identical to the original.
#534
⇓
Do you have a decent equalizer?
#535
⇓
- I have a Klipsch 2B3. - Obviously the problem.
#536
⇓
You expect a ten-band equalizer...
#537
⇓
to impart state-of-the-art sound?
#538
⇓
Dream a little dream. It's never gonna happen.
#539
⇓
I totally, totally hate you.
#540
⇓
Come on. This is a fun party.
#541
⇓
Erskine Hawkins and his orchestra, do you have that?
#542
⇓
That's nice, but no.
#543
⇓
- "Golden Wedding"? - Oh, I know that.
#544
⇓
That's excellent.
#545
⇓
What's the story with the two cheerleaders over there?
#546
⇓
They're Seymour's.
#547
⇓
Seymour? No. You got to be kidding me.
#548
⇓
Don't worry about it. I've lived with the guy for five years.
#549
⇓
He's not getting any. Neither are you.
#550
⇓
Hey, you know what? Listen to me, Joe, all right?
#551
⇓
Let me tell you something, Joe, OK?
#552
⇓
You can't score a home run without swinging the bat.
#553
⇓
All right? Physically impossible.
#554
⇓
Watch and learn, padre.
#555
⇓
How's it going, Adam?
#556
⇓
There's a seat right there.
#557
⇓
- Mind if I sit down? - Yes.
#558
⇓
Oh, man. That was cold.
#559
⇓
You're all right.
#560
⇓
You're pretty sharp.
#561
⇓
You're wearing a green dress. What are you, Irish?
#562
⇓
I bet you're Irish. What's your name?
#563
⇓
- Melorra. - Ah, Melorra.
#564
⇓
So listen to me, Melorra.
#565
⇓
Let me tell you something.
#566
⇓
You seem like an interesting chick.
#567
⇓
What are you doing hanging here with all these losers?
#568
⇓
What do you say you and me go hit some night spots?
#569
⇓
Well, Melorra, I'll be right back.
#570
⇓
I'm gonna get a beer.
#571
⇓
No, Enid, wait.
#572
⇓
Hey, that's all right.
#573
⇓
It has a large center hole and a hair crack.
#574
⇓
But the crack is so tight, it's completely inaudible.
#575
⇓
But a tight hair crack is just that... a crack.
#576
⇓
I don't collect cracked records.
#577
⇓
I only pay premium on mint records.
#578
⇓
Seymour, you know that. Please.
#579
⇓
So, what was all that about enlarged holes and tight cracks?
#580
⇓
I didn't think you would have any interest...
#581
⇓
in this get-together.
#582
⇓
If you would have told me you were coming...
#583
⇓
I would have warned you it's not like a real party or anything.
#584
⇓
You're right about that.
#585
⇓
So, is this your record collection?
#586
⇓
God, no. This is just junk I have for sale.
#587
⇓
- The record room is off limits. - Really?
#588
⇓
Here.
#589
⇓
Are all these records?
#590
⇓
I've got about 1,50078s at this point.
#591
⇓
I've tried to pare down my collection...
#592
⇓
to just the essential.
#593
⇓
Look at this room.
#594
⇓
This is, like, my dream room.
#595
⇓
Look at all this stuff.
#596
⇓
You are, like, the luckiest guy in the world.
#597
⇓
I would kill to have stuff like this.
#598
⇓
Please. Go ahead and kill me.
#599
⇓
Oh, come on. What are you talking about?
#600
⇓
You think it's healthy to obsessively collect things?
#601
⇓
You can't connect with other people...
#602
⇓
so you fill your life with stuff.
#603
⇓
I'm just like all the rest of these pathetic collector losers.
#604
⇓
No, you're not. You're a cool guy, Seymour.
#605
⇓
Then how come I haven't had a girlfriend in four years?
#606
⇓
I can't even remember the last time a girl talked to me.
#607
⇓
I'm talking to you.
#608
⇓
You know, I bet there are tons of women...
#609
⇓
who'd go out with you in a minute.
#610
⇓
I know I could get you a date in, like, two seconds.
#611
⇓
Good luck.
#612
⇓
I mean it. You leave everything to me...
#613
⇓
I'm going to be your own personal dating service.
#614
⇓
Yeah, well, we should get back.
#615
⇓
By the end of this summer...
#616
⇓
you're going to be up to your neck in pussy.
#617
⇓
Jesus.
#618
⇓
What about her? Would you go out with her?
#619
⇓
What kind of a question is that?
#620
⇓
It's totally irrelevant, because a girl like that...
#621
⇓
would never be caught dead with me.
#622
⇓
Yeah, but put that aside for now.
#623
⇓
Would you go out with her?
#624
⇓
I really didn't get a good look at her.
#625
⇓
Yes, you did. Whoa.
#626
⇓
What about her? Are you into girls with big tits?
#627
⇓
Jesus.
#628
⇓
I mean, as long as she's not a complete imbecile...
#629
⇓
and she's even remotely attractive...
#630
⇓
Hey, look, there's Norman. Hi, Norman.
#631
⇓
We need to find a place where you can go...
#632
⇓
to meet women who share your interests.
#633
⇓
Maybe I don't want to meet someone who shares my interests.
#634
⇓
I hate my interests.
#635
⇓
List your five main interests in order of importance.
#636
⇓
I'd have to put traditional jazz, blues...
#637
⇓
and then ragtime at the top of the list.
#638
⇓
Right, so let's just say music.
#639
⇓
That way, we only use up one.
#640
⇓
All right.
#641
⇓
Can we go in here for a second? Just for a second.
#642
⇓
Just stopping by to say hi.
#643
⇓
This is my friend Seymour.
#644
⇓
OK. Well, we'll see you later, Josh.
#645
⇓
Josh, what you goddamn doing?
#646
⇓
Clean up that fucking mess! Jesus.
#647
⇓
So, was that your boyfriend?
#648
⇓
Josh? He's nobody's boyfriend.
#649
⇓
He's just this guy that Becky and I like to torture.
#650
⇓
But do you... Are you going out...
#651
⇓
Oh, my God. We have to go in here. Come on.
#652
⇓
Yeah, sure. Very funny.
#653
⇓
Come on. Please?
#654
⇓
Becky and I have been dying to go in here...
#655
⇓
but we can never find any boys to take us.
#656
⇓
- I would really rather not. - Come on. Please?
#657
⇓
Just for a minute. It'll be a riot.
#658
⇓
- I don't think so. - Please. Please.
#659
⇓
Oh, my God. Look at all these creeps.
#660
⇓
OK. Can we go?
#661
⇓
This place is a total riot.
#662
⇓
What are you doing?
#663
⇓
Oh, my God.
#664
⇓
Who would actually have sex with this thing?
#665
⇓
"Corporate Slut." Sophisticated.
#666
⇓
Come on. Can we go?
#667
⇓
Seymour, you have to lend me the money to buy this.
#668
⇓
I don't really have a lot of money on me right now.
#669
⇓
Come on, Seymour. Please?
#670
⇓
I don't want this showing up on a credit card statement.
#671
⇓
I'll get put on some weird mailing list.
#672
⇓
- It's not that much. - That's not the point.
#673
⇓
Gimme all your money, bitch.
#674
⇓
Where did you get that?
#675
⇓
You'll never believe it. Guess.
#676
⇓
Where?
#677
⇓
Anthony's.
#678
⇓
No way. When?
#679
⇓
Just now. I went with Seymour.
#680
⇓
You cunt.
#681
⇓
Excuse me.
#682
⇓
I can't read the trivia question.
#683
⇓
"Where on the human body is the Douglas pouch located?"
#684
⇓
Oh, God.
#685
⇓
Slightly below the uterus on a female.
#686
⇓
Wow.
#687
⇓
He does that every single day.
#688
⇓
I'll have a decaf-mocha to go.
#689
⇓
One decaf-mocha.
#690
⇓
Can I get you...
#691
⇓
No, I do not want a biscotti with that.
#692
⇓
God. How can you stand all these assholes?
#693
⇓
Some people are OK...
#694
⇓
but mostly I just feel like poisoning everybody.
#695
⇓
At least the wheelchair guy is entertaining.
#696
⇓
He doesn't even need that wheelchair.
#697
⇓
He's just totally lazy.
#698
⇓
That rules.
#699
⇓
No, it really doesn't. You'll see.
#700
⇓
You'll get totally sick of all the creeps...
#701
⇓
and losers and weirdos.
#702
⇓
But those are our people.
#703
⇓
Yeah, well.
#704
⇓
So, when are you going to get a job?
#705
⇓
I'm working on it. Got a few leads.
#706
⇓
Don't worry about it. I'll get a job next week.
#707
⇓
God, I can't believe you went to Anthony's without me.
#708
⇓
Oh, sweetie.
#709
⇓
Honey, would you come in here for a minute?
#710
⇓
Sweetie, you remember Maxine?
#711
⇓
I'm going to go to bed. I'm really tired.
#712
⇓
Honey, I made spaghetti. You don't want some?
#713
⇓
No. I have to get up early for class tomorrow.
#714
⇓
It's really quite something to see you all grown up, Enid.
#715
⇓
I'd love to know what you're doing now.
#716
⇓
I can't help but feel...
#717
⇓
I had some small part in how you turned out.
#718
⇓
What are you studying?
#719
⇓
You were always such a smart little girl.
#720
⇓
I'm taking a remedial high school art class...
#721
⇓
for fuck-ups and retards.
#722
⇓
Who is this, Enid?
#723
⇓
It's supposed to be Don Knotts.
#724
⇓
And what was your reason for choosing him as your subject?
#725
⇓
I don't know. I just like Don Knotts.
#726
⇓
Interesting.
#727
⇓
What do we have here, Margaret?
#728
⇓
It's a tampon in a teacup.
#729
⇓
I can see that.
#730
⇓
What can you tell us about it?
#731
⇓
First of all, what kind of sculpture is this?
#732
⇓
It's a found object.
#733
⇓
That's where an artist takes an ordinary object...
#734
⇓
and places it in an artistic context...
#735
⇓
and thus, it becomes art.
#736
⇓
But what can you tell us about it...
#737
⇓
in regard to your artistic intent?
#738
⇓
Well, I guess I see the teacup as a symbol for womanhood.
#739
⇓
Such as tea parties in the olden days...
#740
⇓
but instead of tea...
#741
⇓
I was trying to kind of confront people with this...
#742
⇓
This shocking image of repressed femininity.
#743
⇓
Right. Exactly.
#744
⇓
Well, I think it's a really wonderful piece...
#745
⇓
and it illustrates perfectly what I was saying...
#746
⇓
about not being afraid to use controversial imagery.
#747
⇓
Oh. Well, this looks like the work of Phillip.
#748
⇓
Hey, you see that guy over there?
#749
⇓
- Which one? - The blond guy over there.
#750
⇓
He gives me, like, a total boner.
#751
⇓
He's, like, the biggest idiot of all time.
#752
⇓
You guys up for some reggae tonight?
#753
⇓
OK, you're right.
#754
⇓
Sometimes I think I'm going crazy...
#755
⇓
from sexual frustration.
#756
⇓
And you haven't heard of the miracle of masturbation?
#757
⇓
Heads up.
#758
⇓
My band's playing here on Friday night...
#759
⇓
and there's going to be a bunch of cool bands playing...
#760
⇓
and you don't have to pay...
#761
⇓
if you show them this flier at the door.
#762
⇓
You should come check it out.
#763
⇓
Which band is yours?
#764
⇓
It's Alien Autopsy.
#765
⇓
Oh. Bitchin'.
#766
⇓
Yeah, well...
#767
⇓
maybe I'll see you there.
#768
⇓
Yeah. Thanks.
#769
⇓
God, what a dork.
#770
⇓
You're just jealous.
#771
⇓
Trust me, at this point, I'm past the fact...
#772
⇓
that every single guy likes you better than me.
#773
⇓
Oh, face it. You just hate every single guy...
#774
⇓
on the face of the earth.
#775
⇓
That's not true.
#776
⇓
I just hate all these extroverted, obnoxious...
#777
⇓
pseudo-bohemian losers.
#778
⇓
The Donnie G show. Donnie G!
#779
⇓
Nothing but classic rock...
#780
⇓
coming at you this beautiful evening.
#781
⇓
You're listening to KFTO...
#782
⇓
God, that asshole's voice is so hateful.
#783
⇓
No wonder I never listen to the radio.
#784
⇓
Relax, Seymour. Relax.
#785
⇓
He's just so shrill and loud and piercing.
#786
⇓
I feel like I'm being jabbed in the face.
#787
⇓
"KTO coming at you on this beautiful evening."
#788
⇓
- So... - Thank you.
#789
⇓
Why'd you bring the record?
#790
⇓
I brought it so he can autograph it.
#791
⇓
He's going to be amazed to see it.
#792
⇓
It's one of only two known copies.
#793
⇓
I can't believe they have him as the opening act...
#794
⇓
and not the headliner.
#795
⇓
It's... What an insult.
#796
⇓
There's gonna be lots of girls to pick from at this bar.
#797
⇓
I'm not holding my breath in that department.
#798
⇓
What, are we in slow motion here?
#799
⇓
What are you, hypnotized?
#800
⇓
Have some more kids, why don't you?
#801
⇓
Jesus Christ, move it!
#802
⇓
Seymour! God.
#803
⇓
I can't believe these people.
#804
⇓
They could at least turn off their stupid sports game...
#805
⇓
until he's done playing.
#806
⇓
Thank you.
#807
⇓
Don't go away.
#808
⇓
We got Blues Hammer coming up in just a minute.
#809
⇓
Hey, check that out.
#810
⇓
She's nice, but, you know...
#811
⇓
Offer her a seat.
#812
⇓
- I'll do it. - No, no, no, no.
#813
⇓
Wait. Let me think of something to say to her first.
#814
⇓
That was great music, huh?
#815
⇓
Yeah, I just love blues.
#816
⇓
Actually, technically, what he was mostly playing...
#817
⇓
would more accurately be classified in the ragtime idiom.
#818
⇓
Although, of course, not in the strictest sense...
#819
⇓
of the classical ragtime piano music...
#820
⇓
like that of Scott Joplin or Joseph Lamb.
#821
⇓
Authentic blues has a more conventional...
#822
⇓
twelve-bar structure in its stanzas.
#823
⇓
Oh. If you like authentic blues...
#824
⇓
you really gotta check out Blues Hammer.
#825
⇓
They're so great.
#826
⇓
All right, people, are you ready to boogie?
#827
⇓
'Cause we gonna play some authentic...
#828
⇓
way-down-in-the-delta blues.
#829
⇓
So get ready to rock your world!
#830
⇓
Well, I been plowin' behind the mule, son
#831
⇓
Picking cotton all day long
#832
⇓
Yes, I been plowin'
#833
⇓
Picking cotton all day long
#834
⇓
I said, Lordy, baby
#835
⇓
But my woman she be gone
#836
⇓
Now I remember why I haven't been anywhere in months.
#837
⇓
It's simple for everybody else.
#838
⇓
You give them a Big Mac and a pair of Nikes...
#839
⇓
and they're happy.
#840
⇓
I can't relate to ninety-nine percent of humanity.
#841
⇓
I can't relate to humanity, either...
#842
⇓
but I don't think it's completely hopeless.
#843
⇓
Well, it's not completely hopeless for you.
#844
⇓
I'm not even in the same universe...
#845
⇓
as those creatures back there.
#846
⇓
We just need to find you a place...
#847
⇓
where you can meet someone...
#848
⇓
who isn't a complete idiot, that's all.
#849
⇓
Why do you care so much if I get a date or not?
#850
⇓
I don't know.
#851
⇓
I guess I just can't stand the idea of a world...
#852
⇓
where a guy like you can't get a date.
#853
⇓
What is this, Seymour?
#854
⇓
Oh, that.
#855
⇓
I borrowed that from work about fifteen years ago.
#856
⇓
I guess it's mine now.
#857
⇓
What are you, a Klansman or something?
#858
⇓
Yeah, I'm a Klansman.
#859
⇓
You know the Cook's Chicken franchise?
#860
⇓
"Four-piece Cook's special..."
#861
⇓
"deep-fried with side and slaw. It's outrageous!"
#862
⇓
Yeah, well, Cook's is just a made up name.
#863
⇓
Back in 1922...
#864
⇓
they were originally called Coon Chicken Inn.
#865
⇓
That's an early painting of their first logo.
#866
⇓
How come everybody doesn't know this?
#867
⇓
It's ancient history.
#868
⇓
Same reason nobody knows about this Lionel Belasco record.
#869
⇓
I was more interested in the whole Cook's phenomenon...
#870
⇓
when I was about your age.
#871
⇓
Sort of lost interest when I started working for them.
#872
⇓
You work for Cook's Chicken?
#873
⇓
For nineteen years.
#874
⇓
Were you a fry cook or something?
#875
⇓
Nothing so glamorous, actually.
#876
⇓
I'm an assistant manager at their corporate headquarters.
#877
⇓
Jesus. I'd go nuts if I had to work in an office all day.
#878
⇓
So I don't really get it.
#879
⇓
Are you saying that things were better back then...
#880
⇓
even though there was stuff like this?
#881
⇓
I suppose things are better now, but...
#882
⇓
I don't know, it's complicated.
#883
⇓
People still hate each other...
#884
⇓
but they just know how to hide it better.
#885
⇓
Can I borrow this?
#886
⇓
For what?
#887
⇓
I promise I'll take good care of it.
#888
⇓
They're very sensitive about that kind of stuff at work.
#889
⇓
Don't you trust me, Seymour?
#890
⇓
Let's address discussion to this piece.
#891
⇓
I don't like it.
#892
⇓
Can you tell us why?
#893
⇓
I don't know.
#894
⇓
I think it's totally weird.
#895
⇓
It's totally offensive.
#896
⇓
Yeah. I agree.
#897
⇓
It's not right.
#898
⇓
Well, these are all valid comments, but...
#899
⇓
I think we should see if the artist...
#900
⇓
has anything to bring to this.
#901
⇓
Well, I found this when I was doing some research...
#902
⇓
and I discovered that Cook's Chicken...
#903
⇓
used to be called Coon Chicken.
#904
⇓
So I decided to do my project based on this discovery...
#905
⇓
as kind of a comment on racism...
#906
⇓
and how it's whitewashed over in our culture.
#907
⇓
Did you actually do this painting?
#908
⇓
Well, no, it's more of a found art object.
#909
⇓
How do you think this addresses the subject of racism?
#910
⇓
It's complicated.
#911
⇓
I guess I'm trying to show...
#912
⇓
how racism used to be more out in the open...
#913
⇓
and now it's hidden or something.
#914
⇓
And how do you think an image like this...
#915
⇓
helps us to see that?
#916
⇓
I'm not sure.
#917
⇓
I guess because when we see something like this...
#918
⇓
it seems really shocking.
#919
⇓
And we have to wonder why it's so shocking.
#920
⇓
I don't really know what to say, Enid.
#921
⇓
I think it's a remarkable achievement.
#922
⇓
I'm going to let you handle the 4:30 crowd by yourself.
#923
⇓
That way, I can evaluate your performance while it's slow.
#924
⇓
Then we'll ease you into the big crowds, all right?
#925
⇓
- You can count on me, sir. - Cool.
#926
⇓
Do you serve beer or any alcohol?
#927
⇓
I wish.
#928
⇓
Actually, you wish.
#929
⇓
After about five minutes of this movie...
#930
⇓
you're going to wish you had ten beers.
#931
⇓
What are you doing? You don't ever criticize the feature.
#932
⇓
Why? What's the difference?
#933
⇓
I mean, we already got his money.
#934
⇓
Look, that's the policy, OK?
#935
⇓
If you want to make up your own rules...
#936
⇓
open up your own theater.
#937
⇓
And let me have lots of butter on it.
#938
⇓
Here you go.
#939
⇓
Smothered in delicious yellow chemical sludge.
#940
⇓
What the hell is wrong with you?
#941
⇓
What?
#942
⇓
I was just joking around with the customers.
#943
⇓
- It's my shtick. - Well, lose it.
#944
⇓
And why aren't you pushing the larger sizes?
#945
⇓
Didn't you get training about up-sizing?
#946
⇓
Yeah, but I feel really weird.
#947
⇓
It's pretty sleazy.
#948
⇓
It's not optional!
#949
⇓
Jesus.
#950
⇓
Hi. Can I get a medium 7 Up?
#951
⇓
Medium?
#952
⇓
Why, sir, do you not know that for a mere 25 cents more...
#953
⇓
you could purchase a large beverage?
#954
⇓
And you know, I'm only telling you this...
#955
⇓
because we're such good friends.
#956
⇓
Medium is really only for suckers...
#957
⇓
who don't know the concept of value.
#958
⇓
What are you talking about?
#959
⇓
What kind of loser gets fired after one day?
#960
⇓
Look, I told you. The manager was a total asshole.
#961
⇓
I'll get another job.
#962
⇓
Besides, I have some ideas to make money in the meantime.
#963
⇓
I can't believe you're selling some of this stuff.
#964
⇓
Fuck it. Everything must go.
#965
⇓
I remember this hat.
#966
⇓
This was during your little old lady phase.
#967
⇓
How much is this?
#968
⇓
That's not for sale.
#969
⇓
Wait a minute. It says five dollars.
#970
⇓
I know, it's...
#971
⇓
That's a mistake.
#972
⇓
I'm not selling it.
#973
⇓
What was that all about?
#974
⇓
I thought "everything must go."
#975
⇓
Yeah, right.
#976
⇓
Like I'd let some asshole with a soul patch own Goofy Gus.
#977
⇓
How much for this dress?
#978
⇓
God, I can't believe you're selling that.
#979
⇓
That's five hundred dollars.
#980
⇓
- What? - Five hundred.
#981
⇓
You're crazy. It should be, like, two dollars.
#982
⇓
I was wearing that when I lost my virginity.
#983
⇓
Why do I care about that?
#984
⇓
Why do you want it?
#985
⇓
It would look stupid on you anyway.
#986
⇓
God! Fuck you!
#987
⇓
So, now are you going to get a regular job?
#988
⇓
Do you want to do something tonight?
#989
⇓
I can't. It's Seymour's birthday tonight.
#990
⇓
Oh, shit. What time is it?
#991
⇓
I'm supposed to go to the store. I was going to make him a cake.
#992
⇓
Do you still want to go shopping tomorrow?
#993
⇓
Yeah, I guess. Call me.
#994
⇓
Since when can you make a cake?
#995
⇓
OK, you can open your eyes now.
#996
⇓
Oh, hey. Thanks, Enid. I really appreciate it.
#997
⇓
No, blow it out, doofus.
#998
⇓
- Are you OK? - Yeah.
#999
⇓
Oh, it's just my stupid back. I'll be all right in a minute.
#1000
⇓
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