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Home » Despicable Me » S01E01 — Despicable Me

Despicable Me

Season 1, Episode 1 — Despicable Me

↓

[ Squeaky Voice ] Hmm? Oh.

squeaky voice

↓

[ Exclaims ] Hey!

exclaims

↓

** [ Orchestral Fanfare ]

fanfare orchestral

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[ Spluttering ]

↓

** [ Ends ]

ends

↓

[ Gasps, Moans ]

gasps moans

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[ Grunting ]

grunting

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[ Goats Bleating ]

goats

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** [ Bedouin Chorus Vocalizing ]

chorus vocalizing

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** [ Chorus: Dramatic Vocalizing ]

chorus dramatic vocalizing

↓

** [ '70s Rock ] [ Yelps ]

rock yelps

↓

[ Coughing ]

coughing

↓

* Sweet home, Alabama * [ No Audible Dialogue ]

alabama dialogue home sweet

↓

* Where the skies are so blue * [ All Chattering ]

blue chattering skies

↓

* Sweet home, Alabama *

alabama home sweet

↓

[ Grunts ]

grunts

↓

* Lord, I'm comin' home to you *

comin home lord

↓

[ Imitating Jet Noise ] [ Grunts ] Justin!

grunts imitating justin noise

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Quick, honey! Take my picture. I got the pyramid in my hands.

hands honey picture pyramid quick

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[ Shutter Clicking ] * Yeah **

clicking shutter

↓

- Justin, you get back here right now. - [ Imitating Gunfire ]

gunfire imitating justin

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- No! Stop! Go back! - No, no, no, no! Do not climb!

climb

↓

[ Imitating Jet Noise, Gunfire ]

gunfire imitating noise

↓

Wait, wait, wait, wait! Hold on.

↓

Easy, little boy.

easy

↓

Okay! Stop, child!

child

↓

- Stop right there! No! - [ Gasps ]

gasps

↓

No, no, no, no, no!

↓

- Oh. There he goes. - [ Gasps ]

gasps

↓

[ Shutters Clicking ]

clicking

↓

[ Mother ] Justin!

justin mother

↓

I've got him! I've got him!

↓

[ Grunts ] [ Loud Pop ]

grunts loud

↓

[ Air Whooshing ]

whooshing

↓

Outrage in Egypt tonight as it was discovered...

discovered outrage tonight

↓

that the Great Pyramid of Giza had been stolen...

pyramid stolen

↓

and replaced by a giant, inflatable replica.

giant inflatable replaced

↓

There is panic throughout the globe...

globe panic throughout

↓

as countries and citizens try to protect their beloved landmarks.

beloved citizens countries protect

↓

[ Bird Squawks ]

bird

↓

Law enforcement still has no leads,

enforcement leads

↓

leaving everyone to wonder which of the world's villains...

leaving villains wonder worlds

↓

is responsible for this heinous crime...

crime heinous responsible

↓

and where will he strike next.

strike

↓

** [ Chorus Whistling ]

chorus whistling

↓

[ Inhales ]

inhales

↓

[ Crying, Sniffling ]

crying

↓

** [ Continues ]

continues

↓

[ Deep Breath ]

breath deep deep-breath

↓

[ Balloon Squeaking ]

balloon squeaking

↓

- [ Balloon Snaps ] - Huh?

balloon snaps

↓

[ Exclaims ]

exclaims

↓

[ Needle Scratches Across Record ]

needle record scratches

↓

[ Man Singing: Hip-hop ] * I'm havin' a bad, bad day *

havin singing

↓

* It's about time that I get my way *

↓

Oh, move.

↓

* Steam-rollin' whatever I see *

rollin steam

↓

Freeze ray! Freeze ray! Freeze ray! [ Chortling ]

freeze

↓

* I'm havin' a bad, bad day *

havin

↓

* If you take it personal that's okay *

personal

↓

* Watch This is so fun to see *

fun watch

↓

* Ah, despicable me *

↓

[ Engine Buzzing ] [ Horn Honking ]

buzzing engine honking horn horn-honking

↓

[ Horn Blasting ]

blasting horn

↓

[ Man Chuckles ] Morning, Gru!

chuckles morning

↓

[ Chuckling ] How you doin'? Hello, Fred.

chuckling doin fred

↓

FYI, your dog has been leaving little bombs all over my yard,

bombs leaving yard

↓

and I don't appreciate it. [ Chuckles ]

appreciate chuckles

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Sorry. You know dogs. They go wherever they want to go.

dogs

↓

Unless they're dead.

dead

↓

[ Laughs ] I'm joking.

joking laughs

↓

Although it is true.

↓

- Anyway, have a good one. - * I'm havin' a bad, bad day *

havin

↓

Oh. Okay. Uh, yeah. * It's about time that I get my way *

↓

* Steam-rollin' whatever I see * [ Snoring ]

rollin snoring steam

↓

- * Ah, despicable me * - [ Loud Snort ]

loud

↓

* I'm havin' a bad, bad day * [ Whimpers, Snarls ]

havin snarls whimpers

↓

* If you take it personal that's okay *

personal

↓

[ Whimpering ]

whimpering

↓

- * Ah, despicable me ** - [ Snoring ]

snoring

↓

[ TV: Man Chattering ]

chattering

↓

[ Doorbell Chimes ] Oh!

chimes doorbell

↓

You've got to be pulling on my leg.

pulling

↓

[ Child, Singsongy ] Hello!

child

↓

Cookies for sale.

cookies sale

↓

Go away. I'm not home.

home

↓

Uh, yes, you are. I heard you.

heard

↓

[ Yelps ] No, you didn't.

yelps

↓

This-- [ Monotonous Voice ] is a recording.

recording voice

↓

No, it isn't. Yes, it is.

↓

Watch this.

watch

↓

Leave a message. Beep.

beep message

↓

Ow!

↓

Good-bye, recorded message.

message recorded

↓

Agnes, come on.

agnes

↓

- [ TV Continues, Faint ] - Huh?

continues

↓

[ Paws Pattering ] [ Loud Chomp ]

loud paws

↓

[ Screams ] Kyle! [ Growling ]

growling kyle screams

↓

Bad dog! No! No! No! Sit!

↓

My muffin! Gru!

muffin

↓

[ Growls ] Ah, Dr. Nefario.

growls

↓

I know how you must be feelin'.

feelin must

↓

I, too, have encountered great disappointment, but--

disappointment encountered

↓

In my eyes, you will always be one of the greats.

eyes

↓

What? What ha-- What happened?

happened

↓

It's all over the news. Some fella just stole a pyramid.

fella news pyramid stole

↓

They're sayin' he makes all other villains look...

makes sayin villains

↓

lame.

lame

↓

[ Whimpers ]

whimpers

↓

Assemble the minions!

assemble minions

↓

[ Clanking, Whirring ]

clanking whirring

↓

[ Barking ]

barking

↓

[ Growls ]

growls

↓

Nah, doo-- Minions, assemble!

assemble minions

↓

Oh! Oh! Okay, okay!

↓

Throo! [ Grunts ]

grunts

↓

[ Shrieking ]

shrieking

↓

[ Groaning ] Hey-ey!

groaning

↓

[ Shouting In Minion Language ]

language shouting

↓

[ Speaking Minion ]

speaking

↓

[ Tittering ] Huh? Huh?

↓

[ Laughing ]

laughing

↓

[ Laughing ]

laughing

↓

[ Chattering ] Oh.

chattering

↓

Hey! [ Speaking Minion ]

speaking

↓

[ Both Yelping ]

↓

Hupday! Hupday! Hupday!

↓

[ Speaking Minion ] Huh? Hmm?

speaking

↓

[ Chattering, Shouting ]

chattering shouting

↓

[ Minions Cheering ]

cheering minions

↓

[ Cheering Continues ]

cheering continues

↓

[ All Chanting ] Gru! Gru! Gru! Gru!

chanting

↓

Looking good, Kevin. How's the family? Good?

family kevin looking

↓

All right! That's my Billy boy.

billy

↓

What up, Larry?

larry

↓

Hello, everybody!

everybody

↓

You're all right! Gru! Gru! Gru! Gru!

↓

Simmer down. Simmer down!

↓

Thank you. Okay.

↓

Now I realize that you guys have probably heard...

heard realize

↓

about this other villain who stole the pyramids.

stole villain

↓

Apparently, it's a big deal.

apparently deal

↓

People are calling it the crime of the century and stuff like that.

calling century crime stuff

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But am I upset?

upset

↓

No. I am not.

↓

A little, but--

↓

We have had a pretty good year ourselves,

↓

and you guys are all right in my book!

book

↓

- Ooh, ooh, ooh! - No. No raises.

raises

↓

You're not going to get any raises. Oh.

raises

↓

What did we do?

↓

Well, we stole the Times Square Jumbotron!

square stole times

↓

[ Minions Cheering ] Nice!

cheering minions

↓

Huh? That's how I roll.

roll

↓

Yeah, you all like watching football on that, huh?

football watching

↓

But that's not all.

↓

We stole the Statue of Liberty.

liberty statue stole

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[ Cheering ]

cheering

↓

The small one from Las Vegas.

vegas

↓

[ Together ] Aw.

↓

And I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower.

mention tower

↓

[ Wheels Squeaking ] Also Vegas.

squeaking vegas wheels

↓

Okay. I wasn't going to tell you about this yet, but--

↓

- I have been working on something very big. - [ Oohing, Aahing ]

working

↓

Something that will blow this pyramid thing out of the water!

blow pyramid water

↓

And thanks to the efforts of my good friend Dr. Nefario--

efforts friend thanks

↓

[ Cheering ] Thank you!

cheering

↓

Oh, there he is. He's stylin'. [ Clears Throat ]

clears clears-throat throat

↓

Now, we have located a shrink ray in a secret lab.

located secret shrink

↓

And once we take this shrink ray,

shrink

↓

we will have the capability...

↓

to pull off the true crime of the century.

century crime pull

↓

We are going to steal--

steal

↓

[ Giggling ] [ Blades Clanking ]

blades clanking giggling

↓

Wait! Wait!

↓

I haven't told you what it is yet.

↓

[ Minions Exclaim ]

minions

↓

Hey. Dave?

dave

↓

- Listen up, please! - Beedo.

↓

[ Device Beeps ]

beeps device

↓

Next we are going to steal--

steal

↓

pause for effect--

effect pause

↓

the moon! [ Cheering ]

cheering moon

↓

And once the moon is mine,

moon

↓

the world will give me whatever I want to get it back,

world

↓

and I will be...

↓

the greatest villain of all time!

greatest villain

↓

[ Cheering ]

cheering

↓

That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!

bout talkin

↓

[ Cell Phone Rings ]

cell cell-phone cell-phone-rings phone phone-rings rings

↓

- Yes? - Hello. Gru?

↓

I've been crunching some numbers,

crunching numbers

↓

and I really don't see how we can afford this.

afford

↓

It can't be done. I'm not a miracle worker.

miracle worker

↓

Hey, chillax.

↓

I'll just get another loan from the bank.

another bank loan

↓

They love me.

love

↓

[ Cheering Continues ]

cheering continues

↓

Oh! Edith, stop it.

edith

↓

What? I'm just walking.

walking

↓

[ Together ] Hi, Miss Hattie. We're back.

miss

↓

[ Chair Slides On Rollers ]

chair slides

↓

Hello, girls.

girls

↓

Did anybody come to adopt us while we were out?

adopt anybody

↓

Hmm, let me think.

↓

No!

↓

Edith! What did you put on my desk?

desk edith

↓

A mud pie.

↓

[ Sighs ] You're never gonna get adopted, Edith.

adopted edith sighs

↓

You know that, don't you?

↓

Yeah, I know. Good.

↓

So how did it go, girls?

girls

↓

Did we meet our quotas?

meet

↓

Mmm, sorta.

sorta

↓

We sold 43 Mini-mints, 30 Choco-swirlies...

mini mints sold

↓

and 18 Coco-nutties.

coco

↓

[ Sighing ] Okay.

sighing

↓

Well, you say that like it's a great sale day.

sale

↓

Look at my face!

face

↓

Do you still think it's a great sale day?

sale

↓

Eighteen Coco-nutties.

coco eighteen

↓

I think we can do a little better than that.

↓

Don't you? Yeah.

↓

We wouldn't want to spend the weekend in the Box of Shame.

shame spend weekend

↓

Would we? No.

↓

- [ Together ] No, Miss Hattie. - Okay, good. Off you go.

miss

↓

Go clean something of mine.

clean

↓

Hi, Penny. Hi, guys.

penny

↓

[ Cell Phone Rings ] Hello, Mom. Sorry. I meant to call, but--

cell cell-phone cell-phone-rings meant phone phone-rings rings

↓

I just wanted to congratulate you on stealing the pyramid.

congratulate pyramid stealing wanted

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[ Groans ] That was you, wasn't it?

groans

↓

Or was it a villain who's actually successful?

successful villain

↓

[ Chortling ]

↓

Just so you know, Mom, I am about to do something...

↓

that's very, very big, very important.

↓

When you hear about it, you're going to be very proud.

proud

↓

Ha! Good luck with that.

luck

↓

Okay, I'm outta here.

outta

↓

Hah! [ Yelps ]

yelps

↓

Hah!

↓

[ Scanner Beeping ]

beeping scanner

↓

[ Exhales ]

exhales

↓

[ Gulps ]

gulps

↓

Gru to see Mr. Perkins.

↓

Yes. Please have a seat.

seat

↓

** [ Saxophone: "The Girl From Ipanema" ]

girl saxophone

↓

[ Neil Armstrong ] That's one small step for man,

armstrong neil step

↓

one giant leap for mankind.

giant leap mankind

↓

Mom, someday I'm going to go to the moon.

moon someday

↓

Ach.I'm afraid you're too late, Son.

afraid late

↓

NASA isn't sending the monkeys anymore.

anymore monkeys sending

↓

[ Tapping ]

tapping

↓

Hey.

↓

I'm applying for a "new villain" loan.

applying loan villain

↓

Go by the name of "Vector."

name vector

↓

That's a mathematical term-- a quantity represented by an arrow...

arrow represented term

↓

with both direction and magnitude.

direction magnitude

↓

Vector! That's me.

vector

↓

'Cause I'm committing crimes...

committing crimes

↓

with both direction and magnitude!

direction magnitude

↓

Oh, yeah!

↓

Check out my new weapon.

check weapon

↓

Piranha gun! Oh, yes!

↓

Fires live piranhas. Ever seen one before?

fires live seen

↓

No, you haven't. I invented it.

invented

↓

You want a demonstration?

demonstration

↓

Oh! Aaah! Shoot.

aaah shoot

↓

It's so difficult sometimes to get the piranha back inside of--

difficult sometimes

↓

[ Yelping ] [ Woman ] Mr. Gru? Mr. Perkins will see you now.

woman

↓

So all I need is money from the bank to build a rocket,

bank build money rocket

↓

and then the moon is ours. Wow.

moon

↓

Well, very nice presentation.

presentation

↓

[ Clears Throat ] I'd like to see this shrink ray.

clears clears-throat shrink throat

↓

Absolutely. Will do.

absolutely

↓

Soon as I have it.

↓

You don't have it?

↓

And yet you have the audacity to ask the bank for money?

audacity bank money

↓

Apparently.

apparently

↓

You have any idea of the capital...

capital idea

↓

that this bank has invested in you, Gru,

bank invested

↓

with far too few of your sinister plots actually turning a profit?

profit sinister turning

↓

How can I put it?

↓

Let's say this apple is you.

apple

↓

If we don't start getting our money back--

money start

↓

Get the picture? [ Gulps ]

gulps picture

↓

Look, Gru, the point is, there are a lot of new villains out there--

point villains

↓

younger than you, hungrier than you,

younger

↓

youngerthan you.

↓

Like that youngfellow out there named Vector.

named vector

↓

He just stole a pyramid.

pyramid stole

↓

I've got it. I've got it.

↓

Um, so as far as getting money for the rocket?

money rocket

↓

Get the shrink ray, then we'll talk.

shrink

↓

[ Thud ] [ Shrieks ]

shrieks thud

↓

[ Footsteps Thudding ]

footsteps thudding

↓

[ Clanks ]

↓

[ Machinery Whirring ]

machinery whirring

↓

[ Squeaky Trumpeting ]

squeaky

↓

[ Whirring ]

whirring

↓

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

dialogue

↓

[ Shouting In Foreign Language ]

foreign foreign-language language shouting

↓

[ Laughing ] Suckers!

laughing suckers

↓

Ooph!

↓

[ Muffled Shouting ]

muffled shouting

↓

[ Whimpering ]

whimpering

↓

Suckers! [ Groans ]

groans suckers

↓

Aha! We got it.

↓

- [ Chortling ] - [ Drill Whirring ]

drill whirring

↓

What? Hey! Hey!

↓

What-- Hey!

↓

No, no, no, no, no! Aw!

↓

You! Huh?

↓

[ Laughing ]

laughing

↓

Now maybe you'll think twice before you freeze someone's head.

freeze head someones twice

↓

So long, Gru! [ Laughing ]

laughing

↓

- Quick! We can't let him get away. - Whoo-hoo!

quick whoo

↓

[ Gru ] Up ahead! Up ahead!

ahead

↓

Fire! Fire it now!

fire

↓

[ Laughing ] [ Machine Gun Firing ]

firing laughing machine

↓

- Oops. You missed me. - Come to Papa.

missed oops papa

↓

Take that.

↓

How adorable. [ Dry Chuckle ]

adorable chuckle

↓

[ Gru ] Got you in our sights.

sights

↓

Like taking candy from a--

candy

↓

What?

↓

Ha! Hey, Gru.

↓

Try this on for... size.

size

↓

- [ Laughing ] - [ Squeals ]

laughing squeals

↓

That's weird. What is going on?

weird

↓

[ Screams ] This is claustrophobic.

screams

↓

- [ Shrieking, Yelping ] - Oh, no, no, no!

shrieking

↓

[ Straining ] [ Screaming ]

screaming straining

↓

[ Cackling ]

cackling

↓

Too small. This is too small for me.

↓

[ Yelping, Gasping ]

gasping

↓

[ Engine Puttering ]

engine

↓

Oh! I hate that guy.

hate

↓

[ Girl ] And please watch over us...

girl watch

↓

and bless that we'll have a good night's sleep.

bless nights nights-sleep sleep

↓

And bless that while we're sleeping,

bless sleeping

↓

no bugs will crawl into our ears...

bugs crawl ears

↓

and lay eggs in our brains. [ Growls ]

brains eggs growls

↓

Great. Thanks for that image, Edith.

edith image thanks

↓

And please bless that someone will adopt us soon...

adopt bless

↓

and that the mommy and daddy will be nice...

daddy mommy

↓

and have a pet unicorn-- Amen.

amen unicorn

↓

Amen. Amen.

amen

↓

* Unicorns, I love them Unicorns, I love them *

love

↓

* Uni, uni, unicorns *

↓

* I love them *

love

↓

* Uni, unicorns *

↓

* I could pet one *

↓

* If they were really real * [ Sighs ]

real sighs

↓

* And they are so I bought one so I could pet it *

bought

↓

* Now it loves me Now I love it *

love loves

↓

* La, la, la, la-la **

↓

[ Video Game Beeping ]

beeping game video video-game

↓

[ Clicks ]

clicks

↓

[ Alarm Beeping ]

alarm alarm-beeping beeping

↓

[ Video Game Continues ]

continues game video video-game

↓

[ Groans ]

groans

↓

Hoo!

↓

[ Beeping ]

beeping

↓

[ Yelping, Groaning ]

groaning

↓

[ Grunts ]

grunts

↓

[ Yelps ]

yelps

↓

Hoo-yah! [ Groans ]

groans

↓

[ Yelping ]

↓

[ Sighs ]

sighs

↓

[ Gasps ]

gasps

↓

[ Explosion ]

explosion

↓

[ Groaning ]

groaning

↓

[ Coughing ]

coughing

↓

[ Snickering ]

snickering

↓

Oh, good luck, little girls.

girls luck

↓

Whoa. Cool.

cool whoa

↓

Uh, hi! We're orphans from Miss Hattie's Home for Girls.

girls home miss

↓

[ Vector On Intercom ] I don't care! Beat it! Come on.

beat care intercom vector

↓

We're selling cookies so, you know, we can have a better future.

cookies future selling

↓

Ooh! Wait! Wait! Do you have Coco-nutties? Uh, yeah.

coco

↓

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

dialogue

↓

Lightbulb.

↓

Dr. Nefario! [ On Phone ] Huh?

phone

↓

I'm going to need a dozen tiny robots disguised as cookies.

cookies dozen robots tiny

↓

What? Cookie robots!

cookie robots

↓

Who is this? Coo-- Oh, forget it.

forget

↓

[ Chortling ]

↓

[ Miss Hattie ] Well, it appears you have cleared our background check,

appears background check cleared miss

↓

Dr. Gru.

↓

Oh, and I see you have made a list...

list

↓

of some of your personal achievements.

personal

↓

Thank you for that. I love reading.

love reading

↓

[ Speaking Minion ]

speaking

↓

Uh-- Ah!

↓

[ Speaking Minion ] Da, da, da, da.

speaking

↓

And I see you have been given the Medal of Honor and...

given honor medal

↓

a knighthood. [ Chuckles ]

chuckles

↓

Pakkapaka,uh--

↓

[ All ] Me! Me! Me! Me! Kevin.

kevin

↓

Pakkafoot. Ah! Pakkafoot.

↓

You had your own cooking show,

cooking

↓

and you can hold your breath for 30 seconds?

breath seconds

↓

It's not that impressive.

impressive

↓

Uh-- [ Raspberry ]

raspberry

↓

Idiot. [ Laughs ]

idiot laughs

↓

[ All Chanting ] Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

chanting fight

↓

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

fight

↓

What in the name of--

name

↓

What? [ Clears Throat ]

clears clears-throat throat

↓

Well, here's the dealio.

↓

Things have been so lonely since my wife...

lonely wife

↓

Debbie... passed on.

debbie passed

↓

It's like my heart is a tooth,

heart tooth

↓

and it's got a cavity...

cavity

↓

that can only be filled with children.

children filled

↓

I'm sorry.

↓

You are a beautiful woman. Do you speak Spanish?

spanish speak speak-spanish woman

↓

Do I look like I speak Spanish?

spanish speak speak-spanish

↓

You have a face... como un burro.

face

↓

Oh. Well, thank you. [ Chuckles ]

chuckles

↓

Ah! Anyway, can we proceed with this adoption?

adoption proceed

↓

So, so excited.

excited

↓

[ Giggling ]

giggling

↓

Please tell Margo, Edith and Agnes to come to the lobby.

agnes edith lobby margo

↓

[ All Screeching ]

screeching

↓

- I bet the mom is beautiful. - I bet the daddy's eyes sparkle.

daddys eyes sparkle

↓

I bet their house is made of gummy bears.

bears house

↓

I'm just saying it'd be nice.

↓

Aw. My caterpillar never turned into a butterfly.

butterfly caterpillar turned

↓

That's a Cheeto. Oh.

↓

Oh. Well, uh, Debbie was a very lucky woman.

debbie lucky woman

↓

Who's Debbie?

debbie

↓

Your wife. [ Door Opens ]

door door-opens opens wife

↓

Oh. Hi, girls. [ Chuckles ]

chuckles girls

↓

Girls, I want you to meet Mr. Gru.

girls meet

↓

He's going to adopt you.

adopt

↓

And he's a dentist.

dentist

↓

[ Laughing ]

laughing

↓

Uh, hi.

↓

I'm... Margo.

margo

↓

Uh, this is Edith, and that's Agnes.

agnes edith

↓

[ Laughs ] I got your leg. I got your leg.

laughs

↓

Okay. That's enough, little girl.

girl

↓

Let go of my leg. Come on. Whoo! Higher! Higher!

higher whoo

↓

Just release your grip. Wow. [ Laughing ]

grip laughing release

↓

How do you remove them? Is there a command?

command remove

↓

Some nonstick spray?

spray

↓

Crowbar? [ Groans ]

crowbar groans

↓

Okay, girls, let's go.

girls

↓

[ Engine Starts, Rumbles ]

engine engine-starts starts

↓

[ Crying ]

crying

↓

[ Afterburners Fire ] [ Car Alarms Blaring ]

alarms blaring fire

↓

[ Vector ] Nyah! Uh-huh!

vector

↓

Oh, yeah! [ Chuckles ]

chuckles

↓

Oh! Pretty impressive.

impressive

↓

What are you lookin' at?

lookin

↓

Booyah!

booyah

↓

You got shrunk, tiny mouthwash.

tiny

↓

Take that!

↓

You done been shrunk. [ Cell Phone Rings ]

cell cell-phone cell-phone-rings phone phone-rings rings

↓

Yello. [ Man, Indistinct ]

indistinct yello

↓

Oh, I got the shrink ray, all right.

shrink

↓

[ Indistinct ] No, I'm not playing with it.

indistinct playing

↓

Gru? Gru. [ Laughing ] Don't--

laughing

↓

Don't make me laugh. No.

laugh

↓

PS: He is not getting the moon.

moon

↓

And PPS: By the time I'm done with him,

↓

he's gonna be begging for mercy.

begging mercy

↓

Okay, bye.

↓

Oh, look at you--

↓

a little tiny toilet for a little tiny baby to--

baby tiny toilet

↓

Aaah! Curse you, tiny toilet!

aaah curse tiny toilet

↓

Okay, here we are--

↓

home, sweet home.

home sweet

↓

So, this is, like, your house?

house

↓

Wait a sec--

↓

You're the guy who pretended he was a recorded message.

message pretended recorded

↓

No. That was someone else.

↓

[ Lock Clicks ]

clicks lock lock-clicks

↓

[ Slurping ]

slurping

↓

Can I hold your hand?

hand

↓

Uh, no.

↓

When we got adopted by a bald guy,

adopted bald

↓

I thought this would be more like Annie.

annie

↓

[ Growling ]

growling

↓

- [ Snarling ] - [ Gasps ]

gasps snarling

↓

No! Hey! [ Snarling ]

snarling

↓

[ Shouts ]

shouts

↓

Kyle, these are not treats. These are guests.

guests kyle treats

↓

Girls, this is Kyle, my... dog.

girls kyle

↓

[ Snarls ]

snarls

↓

Ooh. Fluffy doggie.

doggie fluffy

↓

[ Yelps, Whimpering ]

whimpering yelps

↓

Ooh. What kind of dog is that?

↓

He's a-- I don't know.

↓

[ Margo ] Do you really think this is an appropriate place for little kids?

appropriate kids margo place

↓

'Cause, uh, it's not.

↓

No! No!

↓

Stay away from there! It's frag--

↓

- [ Both Gasp ] - Well, I suppose the plan will work with two.

gasp plan suppose

↓

[ Edith, Muffled ] Hey! It's dark in here.

dark edith muffled

↓

It poked a hole in my juice box.

hole juice

↓

As you can see,

↓

I have provided everything a child might need.

child might provided

↓

All right. Uh, okay.

↓

As I was saying-- Hey! Oh! [ Flask Shatters ]

shatters

↓

[ Sizzling ] Somebody broke that.

broke somebody

↓

Okay, okay.

↓

Clearly, we need to set some rules.

rules

↓

Rule number one:

number rule rule-number

↓

You will not touch anything.

touch

↓

Uh, what about the floor?

floor

↓

Yes, you may touch the floor.

floor touch

↓

- What about the air? - Yes, you may touch the air.

touch

↓

What about this?

↓

- Aaah! Where did you get that? - Found it.

aaah found

↓

Okay, rule number two: You will not bother me while I'm working.

bother number rule rule-number working

↓

Rule number three:

number number-three rule rule-number three

↓

You will not cry or whine...

whine

↓

or laugh or giggle...

giggle laugh

↓

or sneeze or burp or fart.

burp fart sneeze

↓

So no-no-- no annoying sounds. All right?

annoying sounds

↓

Does this count as annoying?

annoying count

↓

[ Plopping ]

↓

Very.

↓

[ Sighs ]

sighs

↓

I will see you in six hours.

hours

↓

Okay. Don't worry.

worry

↓

Everything's going to be fine.

everythings

↓

We're gonna be really happy here.

happy

↓

Right? Agnes?

agnes

↓

Hmm?

↓

Stop! [ Yelps ]

yelps

↓

[ Mutters, Arguing ]

arguing mutters

↓

[ Switch Clicking ]

clicking switch

↓

** [ Disco ] * Boogie fever *

boogie disco fever

↓

* Got to boogie down *

boogie

↓

* Boogie fever *

boogie fever

↓

* I think it's goin' around *

goin

↓

Eh, question? ** [ Continues ]

continues question

↓

What are these?

↓

A dozen boogie robots.

boogie dozen robots

↓

Boogie! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

boogie

↓

Look at this! Watch me!

watch

↓

** [ Stops ]

stops

↓

"Cookie" robots. I said cookie robots.

cookie robots

↓

Why-- Why are you-- Why are you so... old?

↓

Okay. I'm on it.

↓

[ Margo ] Hello?

margo

↓

TV.

↓

[ Kyle Growling ]

growling kyle

↓

[ Snarls ]

snarls

↓

[ Grunts ]

grunts

↓

[ Growls ] Uh!

growls

↓

[ Snarling ] Uh? [ Beeps ]

beeps snarling

↓

[ Whining ]

whining

↓

[ Margo ] What is that? [ Edith ] Wow!

edith margo

↓

Look at that. That is cool.

cool

↓

Come on.

↓

I don't think he's a dentist.

dentist

↓

[ Whimpers ]

whimpers

↓

Hmm.

↓

Yum. Ah. Huh?

↓

We've been working on this for a while.

working

↓

It's a anti-gravity serum.

anti gravity

↓

Uh, uh. Ooh, ooh, ooh! Me no go!

↓

[ Screaming ]

screaming

↓

I meant to close that.

close meant

↓

He'll be all right, I'm sure.

↓

Do the effects wear off? Uh, so far--

effects wear

↓

No. No, they don't. [ Minions Murmuring, Chuckling ]

chuckling minions murmuring

↓

And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered.

course ordered weapon

↓

[ Farting Sound ]

farting sound

↓

[ Sniffs ] No, no, no.

sniffs

↓

I said "dart gun," not-- Okay.

dart

↓

Oh. Yes. 'Cause I was wondering,

wondering

↓

under what circumstances would we use this?

circumstances

↓

But anyway-- Um-- [ Clears Throat ]

clears clears-throat throat

↓

What I really wanted to show you was this.

wanted

↓

Now those are cookie robots.

cookie robots

↓

[ Agnes ] * La, la, la-la-la I love unicorns *

agnes love

↓

What are you doing here?

↓

- I told you to stay in the kitchen. - We got bored.

bored kitchen

↓

What is this place? ** [ Singing Continues ]

continues place singing

↓

- Can I drink this? - Do you want to explode?

drink explode

↓

[ Yelps ] Gru!

yelps

↓

Get back in the kitchen!

kitchen

↓

Will you play with us? No.

↓

Why? Because I'm busy.

busy

↓

- [ Scoffs ] Doing what? - Um--

scoffs

↓

Okay, okay. You got me.

↓

The dentist thing is more of a hobby.

dentist hobby

↓

In real life, I am a spy.

life real real-life

↓

And it is top secret, and you may not tell anybody.

anybody secret

↓

- Because if you do-- - What does this do?

↓

- [ Gasps ] - Hey!

gasps

↓

- Oops. - My unicorn!

oops unicorn

↓

You have to fix it.

↓

Fix it? Look-- It has been disintegrated.

↓

By definition, it cannot be fixed.

cannot definition fixed

↓

[ Gasps, Inhales ]

gasps inhales

↓

That's freaking me out. What is she doing?

freaking

↓

She's gonna hold her breath until she gets a new one. [ Groans ]

breath groans

↓

It is just a toy. Now stop it.

↓

[ Grunting ] [ Yelps ]

grunting yelps

↓

Okay, okay. I'll fix it.

↓

Tim! Mark! Phil!

mark phil

↓

This is very important.

↓

You have to get the little girl a new unicorn toy.

girl unicorn

↓

Eh? Baboy? [ Speaking Minion ] Baboy?

speaking

↓

No, no, no, no, no. Papoy.

↓

Ah! Papoy. [ Laughing ]

laughing

↓

Hey, hey, hey. A "toy."

↓

Da, da, da. Papoy. [ Scoffs ] Go! And hurry!

hurry scoffs

↓

What are those?

↓

They are my, mmm, cousins.

cousins

↓

Jerry, Stuart.

jerry

↓

Watch them and keep them away from me, please.

watch

↓

[ Oohing, Aahing ]

↓

Papoy, papoy!

↓

Yip-yip-yippee! Papoy!Ho!

yippee

↓

** [ Humming, Chuckles ]

chuckles humming

↓

[ Gasps, Stammering ]

gasps stammering

↓

Oh! Oh, okay.

↓

Ooh, chazee.

↓

Hup! Ahh!

↓

[ Yelping, Groans ]

groans

↓

Uh. Oh. Uh, aah!

↓

[ Vocalizing, Blabbering ]

vocalizing

↓

[ Laughing ]

laughing

↓

Ah. Hmm.

↓

[ Feedback ]

feedback

↓

[ Spluttering ]

↓

** [ "Copacabana" ] * Bela, belabanana *

↓

** [ Singing In Minion ]

singing

↓

* Lamola, belabanana **

↓

[ Shouting, Laughing ]

laughing shouting

↓

- Whoo-hoo! - Whee! - All right!

whee whoo

↓

[ Laughing, Shouting Continue ]

continue laughing shouting

↓

Uh, it was your cousins' idea.

cousins idea

↓

Wha--

↓

Okay, bedtime.

bedtime

↓

[ Girls Groan ]

girls groan

↓

[ Minions Groan ]

groan minions

↓

- Not you two. - Yay!

↓

Okeydokey. Beddy-bye.

↓

All tucked in. Sweet dreams.

dreams sweet sweet-dreams tucked

↓

Just so you know,

↓

you're never gonna be my dad.

↓

Hmm, I think I can live with that.

live

↓

Are these beds made out of bombs?

beds bombs

↓

Yes, but they are very old and highly unlikely to blow up.

blow highly unlikely

↓

But try not to toss and turn.

toss

↓

Cool.

cool

↓

- Will you read us a bedtime story? - No.

bedtime read story

↓

But we can't go to sleep without a bedtime story. [ Sighs ]

bedtime sighs sleep story

↓

Well, then it's going to be a long night for you, isn't it?

night

↓

So good night, sleep tight and don't let the bedbugs bite.

bite night sleep tight

↓

Because there are literally thousands of them.

thousands

↓

Oh, and there's probably something in your closet. [ Chortling ]

closet

↓

He's just kidding, Agnes.

agnes kidding

↓

[ Door Opens ] [ Gasps ]

door door-opens gasps opens

↓

[ Gasps ]

gasps

↓

[ Speaking Minion ]

speaking

↓

Papoy.

↓

It's beautiful.

↓

** [ Humming, Sighs ]

humming sighs

↓

Girls, let's go.

girls

↓

Time to deliver the cookies.

cookies deliver

↓

Mmm, okay. But first, we're going to dance class.

class dance dance-class

↓

Actually, we're going to have to skip the dance class today.

class class-today dance dance-class skip today

↓

Actually, we can't "skeep" the dance class today.

class class-today dance dance-class today

↓

We have a big recital coming up.

coming

↓

We're doing an excerpt from Swan Lake.

lake swan

↓

- Yeah! Swan Lake. - That's fantastic, wonderful.

fantastic lake swan

↓

But we'regoing to deliver cookies.

cookies deliver

↓

Come on.

↓

- No. - We-- No?

↓

We're not going to deliver cookies until we do dance class.

class cookies dance dance-class deliver

↓

Really? Well, I am not driving you to dance class,

class dance dance-class driving

↓

so if you want to go,

↓

you are going to have to walk yourselves.

walk yourselves

↓

What are you doing? Walking to dance class.

class dance dance-class walking

↓

Yeah, okay. Fine.

↓

You just keep walking, because I'm really not driving you.

driving walking

↓

[ Margo ] Okay.

margo

↓

[ Groans ] You're going to suffer the wrath of Gru.

groans suffer wrath

↓

Seriously. I'm going to count to three,

count three

↓

and you had better be in this car.

↓

Here we go! One! Two!

↓

** [ Piano ] [ Woman ] ...three, four and five.

five four piano three woman

↓

[ Sighs ] And lift and stretch.

lift sighs stretch

↓

And one and two and three.

three

↓

Here you go. What is it?

↓

Your ticket to the dance recital.

dance ticket

↓

You are coming, right? Of course, of course.

coming course

↓

I-- I have pins and needles that I'm sitting on.

needles pins sitting

↓

Pinkie promise? [ Exhales ] Oh, yes.

exhales pinkie promise

↓

My pinkie promises. Ah!

pinkie promises

↓

All right, our first customer is a man named Vector.

customer named vector

↓

But he's a "V."

↓

You know? We're supposed to start with the A's.

start supposed

↓

Then we go to the B's. Then we go to--

↓

Yes, yes. I went to kindergarten.

kindergarten

↓

I know how the alphabet works.

works

↓

Oy.

↓

I-- I was just thinking that it might be nice...

might thinking

↓

to deliver Mr. Vector's first.

deliver

↓

That is all.

↓

Almost over. It's almost over.

↓

Ah! Girls, welcome back to the fortress of Vector-tude.

fortress girls vector welcome

↓

[ Chuckling ]

chuckling

↓

Do you have my cookies for me?

cookies

↓

[ Computer Beeps ]

beeps computer

↓

[ Margo ] Four boxes of Mini-mints,

boxes four margo mini mints

↓

two Toffee-totes, two Caramel-clumpies...

caramel toffee

↓

and 15 boxes of Coco-nutties.

boxes coco

↓

Exactly. I'd like to see somebody else order that many cookies.

cookies order somebody

↓

Not likely. Name one person who ordered more cookies than me.

cookies likely name ordered person

↓

- That'll be $52. - Right.

thatll

↓

...seven, eight, nine--

eight nine seven

↓

Oh. Tic Tacs.

↓

Where was I? Seven, eight, nine--

eight nine seven

↓

Why are you wearing pajamas?

pajamas wearing

↓

[ Splutters ] These aren't pajamas!

pajamas

↓

This is a warm-up suit.

suit warm

↓

What are you warming up for? Stuff.

stuff warming

↓

What sort of stuff? Super cool stuff you wouldn't understand.

cool cool-stuff stuff super super-cool

↓

Like sleeping?

sleeping

↓

They are not pajamas!

pajamas

↓

[ Beeping, Chirping ]

beeping chirping

↓

[ Kung Fu Yells ]

kung yells

↓

Ah, here you go. Fifty-two big ones.

fifty ones

↓

[ Grunts ]

grunts

↓

D'oh! [ Gasps ]

gasps

↓

[ Shrieking ]

shrieking

↓

Bye!

↓

[ Sparking ]

↓

[ Gasps ]

gasps

↓

[ Exhales ]

exhales

↓

Eh? Ah?

↓

[ Whimpering ]

whimpering

↓

Whoop!

whoop

↓

[ Panting ]

panting

↓

[ Gasps ]

gasps

↓

[ TV, Faint ]

↓

Come on. [ Groaning ]

groaning

↓

Ooph!

↓

[ Gasps ]

gasps

↓

[ Groans ]

groans

↓

[ Gasps ]

gasps

↓

[ Grunts ] What the--

grunts

↓

Quiet down, fish!

fish quiet

↓

[ Grunting ] Down, boy.

grunting

↓

- [ Whimpers ] - Ow!

whimpers

↓

[ Grunting ]

grunting

↓

[ Minions Panting ]

minions panting

↓

[ Mutters ]

mutters

↓

[ Blows ]

blows

↓

[ Laughing, Singsongy ] We did it!

laughing

↓

Come on, girls. Let's go.

girls

↓

[ Panting, Yelps ]

panting yelps

↓

But what about the other people who ordered cookies?

cookies ordered

↓

Life is full of disappointments...

full life

↓

for some people. [ Chortles ]

chortles

↓

- [ Screams ] - [ Gasps ]

gasps screams

↓

[ Screams ]

screams

↓

Don't do that. Super Silly Fun Land!

fun land silly super

↓

Can we go? Please?

↓

No. But we've never been.

↓

And it's the funnest place on earth.

earth place

↓

Don't care.

care

↓

Please? Oh, we'll never ask for anything else.

↓

Come on! Pretty please?

↓

Please?

↓

Please? Oh, come on. Come on.

↓

Lightbulb.

↓

* Take me *

↓

* Far away *

↓

* Anywhere * Come on!

↓

* As long as it's fun, fun * Good-bye. Have fun.

fun

↓

* Fun, fun, fun I wanna go *

fun

↓

Uh, sorry, dude. They can't ride without an adult.

adult ride

↓

What-- [ Groans ]

groans

↓

[ Edith ] Yeah! [ Margo ] Whoo-hoo!

edith margo whoo

↓

[ Edith ] Whoo!

edith whoo

↓

Whoa!

whoa

↓

* Take me *

↓

- * Far away * - [ All Screaming ]

screaming

↓

* Anywhere *

↓

* As long as it's fun, fun fun, fun, fun, fun, fun *

fun

↓

* I wanna go * Whoa!

whoa

↓

[ Screaming ]

screaming

↓

* No more teachers and principals *

principals teachers

↓

* A good behavior is sensible *

behavior sensible

↓

* Let's do everything till the summer's done *

summers till

↓

* It's the greatest time for us to be young **

greatest young

↓

[ Groans ]

groans

↓

[ Groans ]

groans

↓

[ Gagging ]

gagging

↓

[ Agnes Squeals ] Oh, my gosh!

agnes gosh squeals

↓

Look at that fluffy unicorn.

fluffy unicorn

↓

He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die!

fluffy

↓

You've gotta let us play for it. No, no, no.

↓

No, no, no, no. Come on.

↓

[ Sighs ] How much for the fluffy unicorn?

fluffy sighs unicorn

↓

[ Chuckles ] Well, it is not for sale.

chuckles sale

↓

But all you gotta do to win it...

↓

is knock down that little spaceship there.

knock

↓

[ Laughs ] It's easy.

easy laughs

↓

[ Sighs ]

sighs

↓

[ Slurping ]

slurping

↓

[ Whirring ]

whirring

↓

Yay!

↓

[ Buzzing ]

buzzing

↓

[ Buzzing ]

buzzing

↓

Again!

↓

- Wait. - Aw, come on. One more time.

↓

Just one more. I accidentally closed my eyes.

accidentally closed eyes

↓

[ Slurping ]

slurping

↓

I hit it! That was cool!

cool

↓

[ Agnes ] Did you see that? I hit it!

agnes

↓

Aw!

↓

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that?

whoa

↓

She hit that. I saw that with my own eyes.

eyes

↓

Hey, buddy, let me explain something to you.

buddy explain

↓

You see that little tin spaceship?

↓

You see how it's not knocked over?

knocked

↓

Do you know what that means, professor?

professor

↓

It means you don't get the unicorn.

unicorn

↓

Oh! Uh-oh. Somebody's got a frowny face.

face somebodys

↓

Boo. Better luck next time.

luck

↓

Okay. My turn.

↓

[ Slurping ]

slurping

↓

Ha!

↓

Knocked over!

knocked

↓

* Take me *

↓

* Far away **

↓

It's so fluffy! Yes!

fluffy

↓

That... was awesome.

awesome

↓

You blew up the whole thing.

blew whole

↓

Let's go destroy another game.

another destroy game

↓

[ All Laughing ]

laughing

↓

Gru, do you-- Do you mind if I have a quick word?

mind quick word

↓

Okay, girls, go play.

girls

↓

[ Giggling ]

giggling

↓

[ Singsongy ] I got the shrink ray.

shrink

↓

[ Singsongy ] Cotton candy.

candy cotton

↓

We have 12 days until the moon is in optimum position.

days moon position

↓

We can't afford any distractions.

afford distractions

↓

Get me Perkins.

↓

** [ Humming ]

humming

↓

[ Clicks ] Ah!

clicks

↓

- [ Clicking ] - Aha!

clicking

↓

Sorry to bother you, Mr. Perkins,

bother

↓

but I figured that you would want to see... this!

figured

↓

What? Huh?

↓

[ Whirring ] Ooh! [ Gasps ]

gasps whirring

↓

[ Yelping ]

↓

Hmm?

↓

Huh?

↓

Well done, Gru. Rather impressive. [ Squeaking ]

impressive squeaking

↓

Now, the rest of the plan is simple.

plan rest simple

↓

I fly to the moon.

moon

↓

I shrink the moon.

moon shrink

↓

I grab the moon.

grab moon

↓

I sit on the toilet-- What? [ Girls Giggling ]

giggling girls toilet

↓

Sorry. Sorry.

↓

Could you excuse me for just one second?

excuse second

↓

I told you not to touch my things.

touch

↓

I told you. I told you a thousand times. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.

thousand thousand-times times

↓

Hey, can we order pizza? Pizza?

order pizza

↓

You just had lunch. Not now. For dinner.

dinner lunch

↓

Dinner? Just-- Fine, fine, fine. Whatever. Just get back in there.

dinner

↓

Ooh. Can we get stuffed crust?

crust stuffed

↓

[ All ] Ooh, stuffed crust!

crust stuffed

↓

I'll stuff you all in the crust.

crust stuff

↓

[ Giggling ] You're funny.

funny giggling

↓

Just don't come out of that room again.

room

↓

[ Grunts ] All right.

grunts

↓

Sorry about that. Ah, where were we?

↓

- You were sitting on the toilet. - No, no, no, no, no.

sitting toilet

↓

No, I'm sorry. It was a little attempt at humor.

attempt humor

↓

I know how much you like to laugh.

laugh

↓

Inside. Eh, now, I was saying--

↓

[ Creaking ]

creaking

↓

You don't seem terribly focused, Gru.

focused terribly

↓

Believe me, I am completely focused. I--

believe completely focused

↓

Hello! Whoa! Wha--

whoa

↓

That guy is huge.

huge

↓

What are those-- children? Are we on TV?

children

↓

What are you doing? I told you to stay out of here.

↓

[ Girls Laughing ] [ Perkins ] Gru, stop!

girls laughing

↓

Aaah! Whoa! [ Laughing ]

aaah laughing whoa

↓

- No, no, no, no! - Freeze ray.

freeze

↓

Mr. Gru. [ Ray Gun Fires ]

fires

↓

[ Shrieks, Shudders ] Hoo! Whoo!

shrieks shudders whoo

↓

Okay.

↓

As I was saying-- No need to continue.

continue

↓

I've seen quite enough. But my plan--

plan seen

↓

Is a great plan. I love everything about your plan.

love plan

↓

Except for one thing--

except

↓

you.

↓

Look, Mom. I drew a picture of me landing on the moon.

drew landing moon picture

↓

Eh.

↓

Look, Mom. I made a prototype of the rocket out of macaroni.

macaroni prototype rocket

↓

Eh.

↓

Look, Mom. I made a real rocket based on the macaroni prototype.

based macaroni prototype real rocket

↓

[ Gasps ]

gasps

↓

Eh.

↓

[ Gasps, Grunts ]

gasps grunts

↓

I don't understand.

↓

Let's face reality, Gru.

face reality

↓

You've been at this for far too long...

↓

with far too little success.

success

↓

We're gonna put our faith, our money...

faith money

↓

into a-- well, a younger villain.

villain younger

↓

But I--

↓

It's over. Good-bye, Gru. [ Grunts ]

grunts

↓

[ Minions Chattering ]

chattering minions

↓

[ Grunting ]

grunting

↓

[ Chattering ]

chattering

↓

[ Sighs ]

sighs

↓

Now, I know there have been some rumors going around...

rumors

↓

that the bank is no longer funding us.

bank funding longer

↓

Well, I am here to put those rumors to rest.

rest rumors

↓

They are true.

↓

Huh? What? Uh-oh.

↓

In terms of money?

money terms

↓

We have no money.

money

↓

So how will we get to the moon?

moon

↓

The answer is clear.

answer clear

↓

We won't. [ All Gasp ]

gasp

↓

[ Sobbing ]

sobbing

↓

We are... doomed.

doomed

↓

Now would probably be a good time...

↓

to look for other employment options. [ Murmuring ]

murmuring options

↓

I know.

↓

I have fired up my résumé,

fired

↓

as I suggest that all of you do as well.

suggest

↓

What is it?

↓

Can't you see that I am in the middle of a pep talk?

middle

↓

Hey, hey! Boss! [ Speaking Minion ]

boss speaking

↓

[ Laughing ]

laughing

↓

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

↓

Me, me!

↓

[ Laughing, Shouting ]

laughing shouting

↓

Yes!

↓

Yes! We will build our own rocket,

build rocket

↓

using this and whatever else we can find.

using

↓

Grab everything! Hit the junkyards!

grab

↓

Take apart the cars! Who needs the bank?

apart bank cars needs

↓

Let's go. Let's go.

↓

** [ Mid-tempo Pop ]

tempo

↓

[ Man ] * I know what you are thinking *

thinking

↓

* I know what you will say *

↓

* You made up this whole far-fetched thing *

whole

↓

* About the reasons that I have changed *

changed reasons

↓

* Well, I'm still the tiger *

tiger

↓

* And the jungle is still my home *

home jungle

↓

* But you blew out my fire *

blew fire

↓

* And now my cooler instincts are gone *

cooler gone instincts

↓

* What did you do? *

↓

* Everything's lost its worth to me *

everythings lost worth

↓

* Everything in this world *

world

↓

* You are the prettiest girls *

girls

↓

[ Gasps ] Mom, what are you doing here?

gasps

↓

And here he is in the bathtub.

bathtub

↓

Ach.Look at his little buns.

buns

↓

[ Girls Laughing ]

girls laughing

↓

Mom, not cool.

cool

↓

And here he's all dressed up in his Sunday best.

best dressed sunday

↓

He looks like a girl. [ Chuckles ] Yes, he does.

chuckles girl

↓

An ugly girl.

girl ugly

↓

* What are you doing to me? *

↓

* What's so drastic all my friends see? *

drastic friends

↓

* You say * * Nothing, nothing, nothing *

↓

* But it's really * * Something, something something *

↓

* Oh, you won't answer me *

answer

↓

* And all the while my heart just melts *

heart melts

↓

* From your innocent smile * [ Growls, Snarls ]

growls innocent smile snarls

↓

* It's strange *

strange

↓

You're funny. [ Yelps ]

funny yelps

↓

* Oh, God I think I've changed *

changed

↓

* What did you do? *

↓

* Everything's lost its worth to me *

everythings lost worth

↓

* Everything in this world *

world

↓

Yes! Mine's shaped like a dead guy.

dead mines shaped

↓

* What did you do? *

↓

* Everything's lost its worth to me * Oh! Oh!

everythings lost worth

↓

* Everything in this world *

world

↓

* You are the prettiest girls ** Whoa!

girls whoa

↓

Yeah! Ha!

↓

[ Woman On Intercom ] Mr. Perkins, your son is here.

intercom woman

↓

Send him in.

send

↓

Hey, Dad. You wanted to see me?

wanted

↓

- Yes, I did, Victor. - I am not Victor anymore.

anymore victor

↓

- Victor was my nerd name. Now I am Vector. - Sit down!

name nerd vector victor

↓

Do you know where the shrink ray is?

shrink

↓

Duh. Back at my place.

place

↓

Oh, is that right? Back at your place. Oh, that's cool.

cool place

↓

I guess Gru must just have one that looks exactly like it!

must

↓

Ooh. What the--

↓

Those-- Those girls sold me cookies!

cookies girls sold

↓

Do you have any idea how lucrative this moon heist could be?

idea lucrative moon

↓

I give you the opportunity of a lifetime, and you just blow it!

blow lifetime opportunity

↓

- No, I didn't. - Oh, really?

↓

You just wait until Gru sees my latest weapon.

latest sees weapon

↓

Squid-launcher! Oh, yeah!

↓

[ Man Screams ] There's a squid on my face!

face screams

↓

[ Chuckles ] Don't worry.

chuckles worry

↓

The moon is as good as ours.

moon

↓

Yahoo! [ Laughing ]

laughing yahoo

↓

Come on now. It's bedtime. Did you brush your teeth?

bedtime brush teeth

↓

Let me smell. Let me smell.

smell

↓

[ Exhales ] You did not.

exhales

↓

Put on your "PG's." Hold still. Okay.

↓

Seriously, seriously. This is--

↓

This is beddy-bye time, right now.

↓

I'm not kidding around. I mean it.

kidding

↓

But we're not tired. Well, I am tired.

tired

↓

Will you read us a bedtime story?

bedtime read story

↓

- No. - Pretty please?

↓

The physical appearance of the "please" makes no difference.

appearance difference makes physical

↓

It is still "no," so go to sleep.

sleep

↓

But we can't. We're all hyper.

hyper

↓

And without a bedtime story, we'll just keep getting up and bugging you all night long.

bedtime bugging night story

↓

[ Sighs ] Fine.

sighs

↓

All right, all right.

↓

Sleepy Kittens. Sleepy kittens?

kittens sleepy

↓

What are these? [ Agnes ] Puppets.

agnes puppets

↓

You use them when you tell the story.

story

↓

Okay. Let's get this over with.

↓

"Three little kittens loved to play.

kittens loved three

↓

They had fun in the sun all day.

fun

↓

Then their mother came out and said,

mother

↓

'Time for kittens to go to bed.'"

kittens

↓

Wow. This is garbage. You actually like this?

garbage

↓

Keep reading. [ Groans ]

groans reading

↓

Come on. All right, all right, all right, all right.

↓

"Three little kittens started to bawl,

kittens started three

↓

'Mommy, we're not tired at all.'

mommy tired

↓

Their mother smiled and said with a purr,

mother purr smiled

↓

'Fine, but at least you should brush your fur.'"

brush least

↓

Now you brush the fur.

brush

↓

This is literature?

literature

↓

A two-year-old could have written this. All right.

written

↓

"Three little kittens with fur all brushed said,

kittens three

↓

'We can't sleep. We feel too rushed.'

rushed sleep

↓

Their mother replied, with a voice like silk,

mother silk voice

↓

'Fine, but at least you should drink your milk.'"

drink least milk

↓

Now make them drink the milk.

drink milk

↓

Oh, I don't like this book.

book

↓

This is going on forever.

forever

↓

"Three little kittens, with milk all gone,

gone kittens milk three

↓

rubbed their eyes and started to yawn."

eyes rubbed started yawn

↓

[ Girls Yawning ]

girls yawning

↓

[ Yawning ]

yawning

↓

"'We can't sleep. We can't even try.'

sleep

↓

Then their mother sang a lullaby.

mother sang

↓

'Good night, kittens. Close your eyes.

close eyes kittens night

↓

Sleep in peace until you rise.

peace rise sleep

↓

Though while you sleep, we are apart,

apart sleep

↓

your mommy... loves you...

loves mommy

↓

with all her heart.'"

heart

↓

The end. Okay, good night.

night

↓

- Wait! - What?

↓

What about good-night kisses?

kisses night

↓

No, no, no. There will be no kissing or hugging or kissing.

hugging kissing

↓

He is not gonna kiss us good night, Agnes.

agnes kiss night

↓

I like him. He's nice.

↓

But scary.

scary

↓

Like Santa.

santa

↓

Only 48 hours to the launch, and all systems are go.

hours launch systems

↓

Uh, about that--

↓

I was thinking that maybe we could move the date of the heist.

date thinking

↓

Please tell me this is not as a result of the girls' dance recital, is it?

dance girls result

↓

No, no, no! No! The recital?

↓

Don't-- That's stupid.

stupid

↓

I just think it's kind of weird to do it on a Saturday.

saturday weird

↓

I was thinking maybe a heist is a Tuesday thing. Right?

thinking tuesday

↓

Gru, you and I have been working on this for years.

working years

↓

It's everything we've dreamed of.

dreamed

↓

Your chance to make history, become the man who stole the moon.

become chance history moon stole

↓

But these girls are becoming a major distraction.

becoming distraction girls major

↓

They need to go.

↓

If you don't do something about it, then I will.

↓

I understand.

↓

Good.

↓

[ Chuckles ] Butt.

butt chuckles

↓

[ Laughing ] Butt.

butt laughing

↓

[ Laughing ] Heh? Heh?

laughing

↓

[ Clanking ]

clanking

↓

Eh, eh, eh? Butt.

butt

↓

[ All Laughing ]

laughing

↓

[ Gru ] All right, now, when we put our cups together,

cups

↓

we will make the clink sound with our mouths.

clink mouths sound

↓

Ready? Edith? [ Both ] Clink.

clink edith ready

↓

There we go. And now we drink. [ Slurping ]

drink slurping

↓

And, Agnes? [ Both ] Clink.

agnes clink

↓

Very good. [ Doorbell Chimes ]

chimes doorbell

↓

- Excuse me, girls. - Aw! Come on.

excuse girls

↓

Don't worry. I'll be back. Keep clinking.

clinking worry

↓

[ Agnes ] Clink, clink. [ Jerry ] Clink.

agnes clink jerry

↓

Oh! Miss Hattie, what are you doing here?

miss

↓

I'm here for the girls. I received a call that you wanted to return them.

girls received return wanted

↓

And, uh, also, I did purchase a Spanish dictionary.

dictionary purchase spanish

↓

[ Grunts ]

grunts

↓

I didn't like what you said. But--

↓

[ Clears Throat, Coughs ]

clears clears-throat coughs throat

↓

Oh.

↓

I will get the girls ready.

girls ready

↓

Don't let her take us, Mr. Gru.

↓

Tell her you wanna keep us.

↓

All right, girls, come on. Let's go.

girls

↓

Good-bye, Mr. Gru. Thanks for everything.

thanks

↓

I did it for your own good.

↓

Come on. Let's go get that moon.

moon

↓

Right.

↓

[ Both Sobbing ]

sobbing

↓

- [ Screaming ] - [ Birds Squawking ]

birds screaming squawking

↓

[ Chattering ]

chattering

↓

[ Panting ]

panting

↓

** [ Humming ]

humming

↓

[ Speaking Minion ]

speaking

↓

- What is this for? - Be-pibel.

↓

The recital? I--

↓

I am the greatest criminal mind of the century.

century criminal greatest mind

↓

I don't go to little girls' dance recitals.

dance girls

↓

[ Gasping ]

gasping

↓

[ Murmurs ]

murmurs

↓

** [ Humming ]

humming

↓

Opening launch bay doors.

doors launch opening

↓

Commencing launch sequence.

launch sequence

↓

And we are good to go in T-minus 10 seconds.

minus seconds

↓

Ten,

↓

nine, eight,

eight nine

↓

seven, six--

seven

↓

[ Loud Rumbling ]

loud rumbling

↓

Oh, yeah!

↓

Nice work, Doctor. All systems go.

doctor systems

↓

Booyah!

booyah

↓

[ Electricity Crackling ] [ Grunting ]

crackling electricity grunting

↓

[ Screaming ]

screaming

↓

[ Gasping ]

gasping

↓

My flight suit.

flight suit

↓

Oh, yeah! Once again, the mighty Vec--

mighty

↓

[ Electricity Crackling ] [ Screams ]

crackling electricity screams

↓

[ Screams ]

screams

↓

[ Hiccups ] Hey, hey!

↓

[ Button Clicks ]

button clicks

↓

[ All Cheering ]

cheering

↓

[ All ] Ooh!

↓

[ Shouts ]

shouts

↓

[ Howls, Stops ]

howls stops

↓

Aha! I've got it!

↓

I've got the moon!

moon

↓

[ Chuckles ] I've got the moon.

chuckles moon

↓

[ Gasps ] I can make it.

gasps

↓

Huh? Wait a minute.

minute

↓

Kevin! [ Kissing ]

kevin kissing

↓

Come on. Come on!

↓

He's still not here.

↓

Why would he come? He gave us up.

↓

But he pinkie promised.

pinkie promised

↓

Girls! Girls! Places.

girls places

↓

No. We can't start yet. We're still expecting someone.

expecting start

↓

Can we just wait a few more minutes?

minutes

↓

[ Sighs ] All right. But just a few more minutes.

minutes sighs

↓

He's not coming, guys.

coming

↓

Gru! Gru, can you hear me?

↓

[ Grunts ]

grunts

↓

Quick. We have to warn him, and fast.

fast quick warn

↓

[ Engine Revving ]

engine engine-revving revving

↓

[ Low Whirring ]

whirring

↓

[ Screaming ]

screaming

↓

** [ Piano: Romantic ] [ Spectator ] Shh, shh, shh.

piano romantic

↓

** [ Continues ]

continues

↓

Okay, okay. There's the library.

library

↓

That's Third Street. The dance studio-- There. There. There it is.

dance street studio third

↓

[ Children Cheering ]

cheering children

↓

[ Gasps ]

gasps

↓

[ Grunting ]

grunting

↓

[ Metal Creaks ]

creaks metal

↓

[ Panting, Gasps ]

gasps panting

↓

Sorry, buddy. Show's over.

buddy shows

↓

Over?

↓

Vector, open up!

open vector

↓

First give me the moon. Then we'll talk.

moon

↓

[ Chortles ]

chortles

↓

[ Agnes ] Mr. Gru! Zip it, Happy Meal.

agnes happy meal

↓

Now the girls.

girls

↓

Actually, I think I'll hold on to them a little while longer.

longer

↓

- No! - Oh, yeah!

↓

Unpredictable!

↓

Listen close, you little punk.

close punk

↓

When I get in there, you are in for a world of pain.

pain world

↓

Ooh! I'm really scared.

scared

↓

[ Gasps ] Oh!

gasps

↓

He is gonna kick your butt.

butt kick

↓

[ Scoffs ]

scoffs

↓

[ Growling ]

growling

↓

He-- He punched my shark.

punched shark

↓

[ Gasps ]

gasps

↓

Whoa!

whoa

↓

Ah! There he is.

↓

- [ Shouts ] - Hang on, Gru.

hang shouts

↓

- [ Yelps ] - Oh, no!

yelps

↓

[ Screams ] Oh.

screams

↓

[ Chuckling ]

chuckling

↓

Vector has the girls. Go!

girls vector

↓

What happened to the ship? It's big again.

happened ship

↓

Not as big as the moon's going to be. What?

moons

↓

The larger the mass of an object,

larger mass object

↓

the quicker the effects of the shrink ray wear off.

effects quicker shrink wear

↓

I call it the Nefario Principle.

principle

↓

I just came up with it now actually.

↓

Oh, no.

↓

[ Gasps ] [ Gasps ] Did you see that?

gasps

↓

Vector, help! The moon! Over here!

moon vector

↓

Hey, what are you girls doing back there? The moon!

girls moon

↓

[ All Screaming ]

screaming

↓

[ Grunting, Gasps ]

gasps grunting

↓

[ Screams ]

screams

↓

Ouch!

ouch

↓

[ Screams ] Watch out!

screams watch

↓

[ Screaming ]

screaming

↓

[ Gru ] Get as close in as you can.

close

↓

You got it.

↓

[ Screaming ]

screaming

↓

Mr. Gru, up here! Mr. Gru! Mr. Gru!

↓

Okay, girls, girls.

girls

↓

You're going to have to jump. Jump?

jump

↓

Are you insane?

insane

↓

- Don't worry. I will catch you. - You gave us back.

catch worry

↓

I know. I know. And it is the worst mistake I ever made.

mistake worst

↓

But you have to jump now.

jump

↓

It'll be okay.

itll

↓

[ Grunts ]

grunts

↓

Okay, girls.

girls

↓

Jump now.

jump

↓

[ Girls Scream ] [ Grunts ]

girls grunts scream

↓

Margo, I will catch you,

catch margo

↓

and I will never let you go again.

↓

- Not so fast. - No!

fast

↓

Let me go. [ Laughing ]

laughing

↓

[ Screams ] [ Grunts ]

grunts screams

↓

- [ Screaming ] - Margo!

margo screaming

↓

Whoa!

whoa

↓

- [ Vector Grunting ] - I'm coming, Margo. Hang on.

coming grunting hang margo vector

↓

[ Grunting ]

grunting

↓

[ Gasps ] [ Minions Scream ]

gasps minions scream

↓

Ah!

↓

[ Laughs, Screams ]

laughs screams

↓

[ Grunting ]

grunting

↓

- [ Both Scream ] - [ All Gasp ]

gasp scream

↓

[ Both Screaming ]

screaming

↓

I got you.

↓

[ Yelping ]

↓

[ Screaming ]

screaming

↓

No!

↓

[ Explosion ]

explosion

↓

Oh, poop.

poop

↓

This time, good triumphs,

↓

and the moon has been returned to its rightful place in the sky.

moon place returned rightful

↓

But once again, law enforcement is baffled, leaving everyone to wonder--

enforcement leaving wonder

↓

Who is this mysterious hero, and what will he do next?

hero mysterious

↓

Okay, girls, time for bed.

girls

↓

Aw, come on. We want a story. Three Sleepy Kittens!

kittens sleepy story three

↓

Oh, no. Sorry. That book was accidentally destroyed maliciously.

accidentally book destroyed

↓

- [ Crunch ] - Tonight, we are going to read a new book.

book crunch read tonight

↓

This one is called...

called

↓

One Big Unicornby-- Who wrote this?

wrote

↓

Oh! Me! I wrote it.

wrote

↓

Oh, look. It's a puppet book.

book puppet

↓

Here. Watch this.

watch

↓

Mmm. That's the horn.

horn

↓

[ Girls Laughing ]

girls laughing

↓

This is gonna be the best book ever.

best book

↓

Not to pat myself on the back,

↓

but, yes, it probably will be.

↓

Here we go.

↓

"One big unicorn strong and free...

free strong unicorn

↓

thought he was happy as he could be.

happy

↓

Then three little kittens came around...

kittens three

↓

and turned his whole life upside down."

life turned upside whole whole-life

↓

Hey, that one looks like me.

↓

No, what are you talking about? These are kittens.

kittens

↓

Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental.

completely dead living persons

↓

"They made him laugh." [ Chuckles ]

chuckles laugh

↓

"They made him cry." [ Moans ]

moans

↓

"He never should have said good-bye.

↓

And now he knows he could never part-- [ Yawning ]

knows part yawning

↓

from those three little kittens...

kittens three

↓

that changed his heart."

changed heart

↓

The end.

↓

Okay, all right. Good night.

night

↓

I love you.

love

↓

Yeah, I love you too.

love

↓

Uh-- [ Clears Throat, Chuckles ]

chuckles clears clears-throat throat

↓

[ Speaking Minion, Kissing ]

kissing speaking

↓

No! No!

↓

[ All ] Aw! [ Sobs ]

sobs

↓

Oh, all right.

↓

Didn't I get you already? [ Chuckles ]

chuckles

↓

[ Switch Clicks ]

clicks switch

↓

[ Minions Chattering ]

chattering minions

↓

[ Chattering, Laughing ]

chattering laughing

↓

** [ Piano: Romantic ]

piano romantic

↓

They're very good.

↓

Ach,I'm so proud of you, Son.

proud

↓

You've turned out to be a great parent. [ Chuckles ]

chuckles parent turned

↓

Just like me.

↓

Maybe even better.

↓

[ Speaking Minion, Yelps ]

speaking yelps

↓

** [ Disco ]

disco

↓

* My baby moves at midnight *

baby midnight moves

↓

- * Goes right on till the dawn * - [ Cheering ]

cheering dawn till

↓

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

whoo

↓

* My woman takes me higher *

higher takes woman

↓

- * My woman keeps me warm * - No, I'm fine. Go ahead.

ahead go-ahead keeps warm woman

↓

No, no, no. * What you doin' in the back? *

doin

↓

* Ah *

↓

* What you doin' in the back? *

doin

↓

* Ah, you should be dancing, yeah *

dancing

↓

* Dancing, yeah *

dancing

↓

* What you doin' in the back? *

doin

↓

* Ooh, ooh *

↓

* What you doin' in the back? *

doin

↓

* Oh *

↓

* You should be dancing, yeah *

dancing

↓

* Dancing, yeah *

dancing

↓

[ Creaks ] Ooh!

creaks

↓

* What you doin' in the back? *

doin

↓

* Ah *

↓

* What you doin' in the back? *

doin

↓

* Ah *

↓

* You should be dancing, yeah *

dancing

↓

* Dancing, yeah **

dancing

↓

** [ House Beat ]

beat house

↓

[ Man ] Whoa! Go, girl!

girl whoa

↓

Lookee here.

lookee

↓

* I met this pretty girl *

girl

↓

* She was from DC *

↓

* I liked the way that she smiled *

liked smiled

↓

* Said there's a party tonight You wanna come with me? *

party party-tonight tonight

↓

Whoa! * She said Baby, I'll try *

baby whoa

↓

* I waited all night long for her to walk in *

night waited walk

↓

[ Speaking Minion ]

speaking

↓

* Then she came in the room *

room

↓

* She looked right at me *

looked

↓

* She was the vision of my life *

life vision

↓

** [ Continues ]

continues

↓

[ Speaking Minion ]

speaking

↓

[ Laughing ]

laughing

↓

[ Speaking Minion ]

speaking

↓

[ Mutters ]

mutters

↓

[ Speaking Minion ]

speaking

↓

[ Thud ] Oh, poop. Aaah!

aaah poop thud

↓

[ Crash ] [ Blows Whistle ]

blows crash whistle

↓

** [ Continues ]

continues

↓

* I'm in the perfect place *

perfect perfect-place place

↓

* Can't wipe this smile off my face *

face smile wipe

↓

* Ain't nothing bringing me down, ooh, no *

aint bringing

↓

* I feel like clapping my hands *

clapping hands

↓

* I feel like stomping my feet *

feet

↓

* I feel like grooving all night *

grooving night

↓

** [ Continues ] Hup, hup, hup, hup!

continues

↓

[ Speaking Minion ]

speaking

↓

[ Laughing, Speaking Minion ]

laughing speaking

↓

[ Muttering ]

muttering

↓

Hmm?

↓

[ Laughing, Speaking Minion ]

laughing speaking

↓

[ Mutters ]

mutters

↓

Oh! No!

↓

[ Blows Whistle ] Stop! Stop!

blows whistle

↓

* It's just gettin' started, yeah *

gettin started

↓

* We're living a dream tonight *

dream living tonight

↓

* Baby, you and me, we're living a dream, all right *

baby dream living

↓

* Baby, you and me, we're living a dream tonight *

baby dream living tonight

↓

* Baby, you and me, we're living a dream, all right *

baby dream living

↓

* Gonna take it to the sky *

↓

* Like never before Like never before *

↓

** [ Continues ] [ Laughs, Speaking Minion ]

continues laughs speaking

↓

Huh? [ Screams ]

screams

↓

[ In Slow Motion ] I don't feel so good.

motion slow slow-motion

↓

[ Blows Raspberry ]

blows blows-raspberry raspberry

↓

* Take me to the sky *

↓

* Like never before Like never before *

↓

* Like never before, baby *

baby

↓

* Nah, nah, nah-nah * * Oh, baby *

baby

↓

* Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah-nah * * Oh, it feels so good **

feels

↓

[ Speaking Minion ]

speaking

↓

Quack, quack, quack, quack. [ Chuckles ]

chuckles quack

↓

[ Imitating Bird Squawking ]

bird imitating squawking

↓

Hello. I am Gru.

↓

Back to work. Back to work! Back to--

↓

[ Chuckling ]

chuckling

↓

** [ Up-tempo Dance ]

dance tempo

↓

* Take me *

↓

* Far away *

↓

* Anywhere *

↓

* As long as it's fun, fun fun, fun, fun, fun, fun *

fun

↓

* I wanna go *

↓

* The school bell rings What I've been waiting for *

bell bell-rings rings school school-bell school-bell-rings waiting

↓

* And we just scream and run for the door *

door scream

↓

* Hey, it's summer, Mom Hey, it's summer, Dad *

summer

↓

* Man, it's been so long since the children had *

children

↓

* A good time *

↓

* Hey *

↓

* Maybe it all probably takes its toll *

takes toll

↓

* Hey *

↓

* But didn't I make honor roll? *

honor roll

↓

* Either way, eat your words *

words

↓

* It's our time We deserve *

deserve

↓

* Oh, to have a good time *

↓

* Take me *

↓

* Far away *

↓

* Anywhere *

↓

* As long as it's fun, fun fun, fun, fun, fun, fun *

fun

↓

* I wanna go *

↓

* No more teachers and principals *

principals teachers

↓

* A good behavior is sensible *

behavior sensible

↓

* Let's do everything till the summer's done *

summers till

↓

* It's the greatest time for us to be young *

greatest young

↓

* Have a good time *

↓

* Hey *

↓

* Maybe it all probably takes its toll *

takes toll

↓

* Hey *

↓

* But didn't I make honor roll? *

honor roll

↓

* Either way, eat your words *

words

↓

* It's our time We deserve *

deserve

↓

* Oh, to have a good time *

↓

* Take me *

↓

* Far away *

↓

* Anywhere *

↓

* As long as it's fun, fun fun, fun, fun, fun, fun *

fun

↓

* I wanna go *

↓

* No more homework or PTA *

homework

↓

* No more lunch food that's toxic waste *

food lunch toxic toxic-waste waste

↓

* Let's hit Mickey D's As a matter of fact *

fact matter mickey

↓

* Let's get Happy Meals Want a sundae, man? *

happy meals sundae

↓

* Yeah, what a good time *

↓

* Hey *

↓

* Maybe it all probably takes its toll *

takes toll

↓

* Hey *

↓

* But didn't I make honor roll? *

honor roll

↓

* Either way, eat your words *

words

↓

* It's our time We deserve *

deserve

↓

* Oh, to have a good time *

↓

* Take me *

↓

* Far away *

↓

* Anywhere *

↓

* As long as it's fun, fun fun, fun, fun, fun, fun *

fun

↓

* I wanna go **