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Home » Fight Club » S01E01 — Fight Club

Fight Club

Season 1, Episode 1 — Fight Club

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People are always asking me
asking
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if I know Tyler Durden.
durdentylertyler-durden
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3 minutes.
minutes
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Ground zero.
groundzero
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Would you like to say a few words to mark the occasion?
markoccasionwords
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With a gun barrel between your teeth,
barrelteeth
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you speak only in vowels.
speak
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I can't think of anything.
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For a second I totally forget
forgetsecond
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about Tyler's whole controlled demolition thing,
controlledtylerswhole
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and I wonder how clean that gun is.
cleanwonder
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Getting exciting now.
exciting
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That old saying,
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how you always hurt the one you love?
hurtlove
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Well, it works both ways.
waysworks
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We have front row seats
frontseats
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for this theater of mass destruction.
destructionmasstheater
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The demolitions committee of Project Mayhem
committeemayhemproject
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wrapped the foundation columns of a dozen buildings
buildingsdozenfoundationwrapped
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with blasting gelatin. In 2 minutes,
blastingminutes
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primary charges will blow base charges
baseblowchargesprimary
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and a few square blocks
blockssquare
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will be reduced to smoldering rubble.
reducedrubble
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I know this...
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because Tyler knows this.
knowstyler
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2 1/2.
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Think of everything we've accomplished.
accomplished
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And suddenly, I realize that all of this:
realizesuddenly
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The gun, the bombs, the revolution...
bombsrevolution
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has got something to do with a girl named Marla Singer.
girlgirl-namedmarlamarla-singernamedsinger
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Bob. Bob had bitch-tits.
bitchtits
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This was a support group for men with testicular cancer.
cancergroupsupportsupport-grouptesticulartesticular-cancer
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The big moosey slobbering all over me,
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that was Bob.
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We're still men.
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Yes, we're men.
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Men is what we are.
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8 months ago, Bob's testicles were removed.
bobsmonthsremovedtesticles
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Then hormone therapy. He developed bitch-tits
bitchdevelopedtherapytits
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because his testosterone was too high,
testosterone
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and his body upped the estrogen.
body
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And that was where I fit...
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They're gonna have to open up my pecks again
open
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and drain the fluid.
drainfluid
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Between those huge, sweating tits
hugesweatingtits
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that hung enormous the way you'd think of God’s as big.
enormoushung
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OK. You cry now.
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No, wait. Back up. Let me start earlier.
start
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For 6 months, I couldn't sleep.
monthssleep
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I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep.
sleep
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With insomnia, nothing's real.
nothingsreal
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Everything's far away.
everythings
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Everything's a copy of a copy of a copy.
copyeverythings
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When deep space exploration ramps up,
deepexplorationspace
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it'll be the corporations that names everything:
corporationsitllnames
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The I.B.M. Stellar sphere,
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the Microsoft Galaxy,
galaxy
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Planet Starbucks.
planetstarbucks
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Gonna need you out of town a little more this week.
townweek
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We got some red flags to cover.
cover
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It must've been Tuesday.
mustvetuesday
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He was wearing his cornflower-blue tie.
bluewearing
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You want me to deprioritize my current reports
currentreports
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until you advise of a status upgrade?
advisestatusupgrade
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Make these your primary action items.
actionitemsprimary
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Here's your flight coupons.
couponsflight
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Call me from the road if there's any snags.
road
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He was full of pep.
full
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Must have had his grandee latte enema.
lattemust
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Like so many others, I had become a slave
becomeothersslave
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to the IKEA nesting instinct.
instinct
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Uh, yes. I'd like to order the Erica Pekkary dust ruffles.
dustorder
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Please hold.
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If I saw something clever
clever
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Like a little coffee table in the shape of a yin-yang,
coffeecoffee-tableshapetableyang