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🎲 Surprise Me

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Natural selection, the process by which the strongest, the smartest,
naturalprocessselectionsmarteststrongest
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♪ I've been waiting for ♪
waiting
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That's okay, sir. You'll win the next one.
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[groans dramatically]
groans
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The deal's off. Eric's got the company.
companydealserics
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COME HERE, BOY! COME ON, ROWDY!
rowdy
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Okay, fine, then my "or flight" reflex kicked in and I just...
flightkickedreflex
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Where's the girl that was in here?
girl
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What? Yeah, I just spoke with his girlfriend.
girlfriendspoke
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Well, it's right here in front of you.
front
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No, you haven't, Jerry.
jerry
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Every ship but the four you sent.
foursentship
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a few things I think everybody should do
everybody
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You get the earrings, Susan gets the bracelet.
braceletearringssusan
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WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE THINGS?
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-Perfect. -We could probably estimate it.
estimateperfect
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The stone's making me go. I got to go.
stones
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- he should get some credit. - What?
credit
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Great job, Schmidt.
schmidt
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in the White House?
housewhitewhite-house
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We change trains here.
changetrains
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I don't care what those people said. I know I make a difference around here.
caredifference
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Baby, I'm not carrying 'em to the car.
babycarrying
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OP there! OP there!
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One of our English-speaking tour guides has called in sick.
calledenglishsickspeakingtour
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Gilligan, the minnow's been beached.
gilligan
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I cannot have another Intersite on my hands.
anothercannothands
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-Dad! -Gotta breathe, Mike!
breathemike
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Stop. Stop whatever this is.
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Hmm, let me see what I can do.
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Now, of course, we had to make a few compromises.
compromisescourse
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Remember I read how important it is for the man to have high-protein?
proteinreadremember
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Trust me, this is for his own good.
trust
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Base it on Tom. Tom's perfect.
baseperfecttoms
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So, you're back aboard.
aboard
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Suck it quick.
quicksuck
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She's--I don't know, she wasn't very pleasant.
pleasant
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No, you didn't. Fuck you.
fuck
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Three gladiators entering the Colosseum.
enteringthree
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I got it.
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- Cut.
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Don't tell your mother.
mother
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- Uh-huh. Uh-huh. - I'm impressed.
impressed
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No, no, no. I mean, he's... Not in tech.
tech
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OH, MAN, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'VE HIT DREAM BEDROCK HERE, MORTY.
dreammorty
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into a sales-based model,
basedmodelsales
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What kind of stories?
stories
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They cause kidney stones
kidneystones