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🎲 Surprise Me

Results (89094)

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I'll pay for your rent for six months.
monthsrent
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- Twelve. - Six.
twelve
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- Ten. - Six.
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- Nine. - Six.
nine
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- Ten. - Six.
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- Twelve. - Four.
fourtwelve
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- Six. - Deal.
deal
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- No more sleeping in the hall. - I can't promise that.
hallpromisesleeping
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- Let's get ready. - Where are you taking me?
ready
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- Back to the strip club. - All right. Strip club...
clubstripstrip-club
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(screams) - Dude! My legs! - Hold on a second.
legsscreamssecond
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This is going to be like shooting fish in a barrel for us.
barrelfishshooting
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It's gonna be awesome. What's your backstory?
awesomebackstory
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What do you mean?
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Bro, your backstory. How'd your legs get crippled?
backstorycrippledhowdlegs
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e85ecb63-5efd-4da1-b58c-83d3756292ab.gif
- I don't know. - Check mine out. I had polio. Okay?
checkpolio
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That's why I'm rocking the FDR look with the blanket and everything.
blanketrocking
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I got a problem. My legs are really muscular and athletic.
athleticlegsmuscularproblem
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So nobody's gonna believe that they're dead.
believedeadnobodys
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With the blanket, everyone will assume that underneath,
assumeblanketunderneath
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my legs are withered and useless.
legsuseless
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- That's a good idea. - Bro, it's brilliant.
brilliantidea
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I have polio, too.
polio
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You can't have it. That's my disease.
disease
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- You gotta pick your own disease. - But I want polio.
diseasepickpolio
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- Well, you can't have it. - What the hell is this?
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Are you sure you're okay?
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It's really important that I do this myself.
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You are so brave. (chuckles)
bravechuckles
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(chuckles)
chuckles
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- I got it! All by myself, I did it. - Yeah, you did. That's awesome.
awesome
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Goddamn it.
goddamngoddamn-it
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What are we gonna do? We can't go back in there.
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- Everybody's desensitized. - Look.
everybodys
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We'll go to Crate & Barrel. Maybe we can find some cougars or something.
barrelcrate
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Hey, guys!
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Shit! What do we do? What do we do?
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Okay. Just play it cool, man. Play it cool.
cool
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- Hey. - Hey.
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- How's it going? - I have polio.
polio
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Oh.
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Okay.
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- And I have polio... - He has polio, too.
polio
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All right.
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(music)
music
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So if you wanna shower, you gotta shower in the bar.
shower
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- Shower in the bar? - Yeah. Shower in the sink.
showersink
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- In the sink? - You never showered in a sink...
sink