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🎲 Surprise Me

Results (6345)

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You ever been to the good gravel pit?
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- Ooh, now, you know, I would love to,
love
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but my friend Stef has the biggest crush on you.
biggestcrushfriendstef
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- Ooh.
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[Wolf Parade "You Are A Runner and I Am My Father's Son"]
fathersparaderunnerwolf
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- You two have fun.
fun
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♪
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.
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- All right, all right, everyone start to shut up.
start
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I have some news today
newstoday
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that is gonna make you guys so happy.
happy
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- You're gonna teach us biology?
biologyteach
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Nice, Sarika. No, guys, be serious. Come on.
sarikaserious
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Teach you biology.
biologyteach
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I was just at the bagel shop, and I ran into my ex, Meredith.
bagelmeredithshop
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- You seem to run into her a lot.
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It's kind of bordering on stalking.
stalking
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- Marcus, you'd be lucky to have someone stalking you.
luckymarcusstalking
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- Oh, trust me. Being stalked is no picnic.
picnictrust
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- I'm not stalking you.
stalking
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We have the same class schedule.
classschedule
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- Interesting. Yeah, well, anyway,
interesting
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Meredith mentioned that she and her boyfriend
boyfriendmentionedmeredith
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are going through a bit of a rough patch.
patchrough
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So I said, "Oh, my goodness. I'm so sorry to hear that.
goodness
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Let me know if I can help."
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So basically, I'll be a shoulder to cry on for a while
shoulder
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and then transition to full-on boning.
fulltransition
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Huh.
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Yeah, well, there should have been applause there.
applause
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Okay, guys, let's do a Miles update, shall we?
milesupdate
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No, tell me, what is the first thing that comes up
comes
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when you Google "Miles Leonard"?
googleleonardmilesmiles-leonard
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- "Miles Leonard Stanford."
leonardmilesmiles-leonardstanford
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"Miles Leonard handsome genius."
geniushandsomeleonardmilesmiles-leonard
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Miles Leonard shirtless."
leonardmilesmiles-leonardshirtless
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- Okay, all right, thank you, Heather.
heather
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- "Miles Leonard great penis."
leonardmilesmiles-leonardpenis
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- Got it. Got it.
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We--we all got it.
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Okay, everybody take out your phones.
everybodyphones
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I want you to Google "Miles Leonard pedophile,"
googleleonardmilesmiles-leonardpedophile
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and just keep typing that in until it's
typing
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the first result that comes up.
comesresult
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Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to be chatting
chattingexcuse
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with my friend.
friend
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- Ohh, damn, homeboy.
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[Ramones' "Listen to My Heart"]
heartramones