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🎲 Surprise Me

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♪
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- These babies are getting out of hand, Ralph.
babieshandralph
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The students aren't sleeping,
sleepingstudents
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the parents are complaining.
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And all the other teachers hate me!
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- Okay, Alyssa, Alyssa. I'm sure they don't hate you.
hate
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- Coach Novak threw a dirty diaper at my head.
coachcoach-novakdiaperdirtyheadnovakthrew
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Which I'm now realizing must have been from his nephew
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or something, which means he drove to school with it.
droveschool
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But for now, we got to tough it out with these babies,
babiestough
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for the next couple of days.
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- They're not responding to the soothing techniques anymore.
anymorerespondingsoothingtechniques
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I think there's something really wrong with them, Ralph.
ralph
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- Okay, I may have gone outside official supply lines
gonelinesofficialsupply
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to get a discount, but when the guy sold them to me,
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he said they were slightly irregular.
slightly
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I assumed that meant it was how their fingers
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looked like tiny penises.
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I didn't know they were gonna malfunction.
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- Well, they are, Ralph. What are we gonna do?
ralph
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Oh, God.
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Sorry.
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It looks like Willem Dafoe.
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- Oh. It's a compliment.
compliment
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- It says this should work.
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Why isn't it working?
working
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- I can't swaddle any tighter.
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- Can't find my sucky...
sucky
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food juice can.
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Stupid mom brain.
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Hey, hold on to my grade for a second
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while I stop by my locker.
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- Latch on, damn it. Latch on.
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- Shut up!
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Shut up your silly cybernetic offspring.
silly
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- Whoa, did you get in a fight?
fightwhoa
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- Yeah, Old Brandon frickin' decked me.
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But get this, guys: I told him I boinked his daughter;
daughter
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he didn't give a hoot.
hoot
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Stupid hippie thought it was neat.
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- So why did he knock you around then?
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- Well, because I tried to sucker punch him, Heather.
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And how are old men so strong?
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I mean, this guy had the grip strength of an orangutan.
gripstrength
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It was insane. - Shh!
insane
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- Seriously, shut those babies up.
babies
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- We can't! They won't stop.
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- This is how the world is now.
world