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🎲 Surprise Me

Results (6345)

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Today's mission is to retaliate against Old Brandon.
brandonmissiontodays
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This old bitch dropped a bombshell on my life,
bitchbombshelldroppedlife
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and I vow to pay him back in kind.
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- At the risk of incurring your wrath--
riskwrath
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don't you think you should consider
consider
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genuinely commiserating with this man?
genuinely
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I mean, you obviously have some unresolved issues
issuesobviously
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about your mom.
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Where you getting that from?
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- You seem very glib about how she's--
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Yeah, well, that is the adjective
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that best describes her.
best
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I'd say you guys should be more concerned
concerned
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if I start describing her as "alive"
alivedescribingstart
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or "mommy who resides in the attic."
atticmommy
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Besides...
besides
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even if I did have feelings about this,
feelings
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I wouldn't need some sort of hokey grieving ceremony
ceremonygrieving
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to get over them.
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- My therapist said you need to find a healthy outlet
healthyoutlettherapist
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for your feelings, otherwise you'll act out.
feelingsotherwise
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For me, it was annihilating mailboxes.
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- I don't need help with my dead mom's birthday.
birthdaydeaddead-momsmoms
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I need personal bombshells that will rock Old Brandon's world.
personalrockworld
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Ugh.
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This is--this is untenable. No, come on.
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Grab your babies, and I want you to throw them
babiesgrabthrow
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in the closet right now, guys-- or you get an F.
closet
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- Mr. Griffin, these simulators measure how well
griffinmeasure
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we take care of them.
care
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- If we abandon them in a closet,
abandoncloset
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we'll get an F in Health.
health
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Threatening "F"s is my thing.
threatening
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I-- screw this.
screw
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Gonna go talk to Durbin.
durbin
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- Hi, Dale.
dale
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- You didn't have to do that.
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- Oh, well, you shouldn't have to pick up trash
picktrash
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someone throws on the floor.
floorthrows
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- No one has ever said that to me before.
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Here it goes.
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Uh, Miss Stef, fair warning:
fairmissstefwarning
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I'm coming at ya.
coming
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- Oh. - I, uh...
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Would very much like to buy you a drink sometime.
drinksometime
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Maybe go bowling or something.
bowling
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- No, ma'am.
maam
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This would be a full-on romantic date.
datefullromantic