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🎲 Surprise Me

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- Rosemary talked a lot about you.
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May I ask, what have you planned to celebrate her today?
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- Yeah, I, uh, I don't celebrate
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dead people's birthdays.
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Here's a fun secret:
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They don't mind.
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- We could visit her grave,
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maybe have a good cry together.
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It's important to let these things out.
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- Uh-huh.
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- In case you change your mind.
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- One, two, three, four!
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- ♪ Next time I'll listen to my heart ♪
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♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪
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- All right, everyone shut up and finish shutting up fast.
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I've had a very icky morning.
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Top ten ickiest of all time.
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So I'm sitting there, enjoying my shower,
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this old guy shows up at my door, unannounced,
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looking to bang my dead mom.
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And as if that wasn't gross enough,
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the guy's name was Brandon.
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Yeah, Brandon. I mean, we're talking about
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an old Brandon. Now, this dude was old.
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Must be the first in the New World.
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Anyway, this creep shows up at my door,
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inviting me to some sort of crying ritual
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for my dead mom's birthday.
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What are you talking about, man?
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Old Brandon, I do not need to cry.
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Tempting to plow right past this,
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but, fine, I'll bite.
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What's with the stupid dolls?
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- These are infant simulators from health class.
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- They have to be fed, burped, cuddled, changed regularly,
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or otherwise they cry.
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- They're perfect replicas in every way,
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except we can't bathe them.
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- This project was totally forced upon us.
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I'm so busy with everything I already do;
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I can't add a baby to it.
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- You're, uh, gripping that little baby's skull
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pretty tightly there, Sarika.
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- I have tried all of the cuddle configurations
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in the manual and none of them work.
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- No, no. I will not be sidetracked by this.