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🎲 Surprise Me

Results (6345)

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- Okay.
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- Come on.
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- I can't. I can't.
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Damn it, Sarika.
sarika
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Why will no one staple my hand?
handstaple
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- Maybe if you told us why.
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- All right, listen, you dum-dums.
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The plan is to injure myself badly enough
badlyplan
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so I can be admitted to the hospital,
admittedhospital
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where my high school ex, Meredith, works.
meredithschoolworks
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Things were definitely flirty the last time I saw her,
flirty
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and if I can get her to show her caretaking side, well,
side
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that is gonna be my ticket to bang city.
bangcityticket
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- I'm sorry. Do you guys not look at these?
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He's crossed through. He's nothing.
crossed
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I'm the one that's perfect for her.
perfect
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Don't make me feel like I'm wasting my time up here.
wasting
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Now, who's gonna staple my hand?
handstaple
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Yo, V-dawg, what's going on over there?
dawg
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- It's my house's security app.
housessecurity
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My parents are out of town, so I'm turning the lights
lightsparentstownturning
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on and off to keep robbers away.
robbers
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- Ooh, gimme, gimme, gimme. Let me see. Let me see.
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Wow. Whoa. Your parents are loaded.
loadedparentswhoa
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Explain your sweaters immediately.
explainimmediately
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- I just like them.
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- Mm-hmm, all right, and this is in Toledo?
toledo
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- Yeah, Ottawa Hills.
hills
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It's really nice.
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I know, because my father's whore lives there.
fathersliveswhore
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She's a rich whore.
richwhore
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- Okay, well, we're gonna have to unpack that at some point.
point
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But, V-dawg, parents out of town.
dawgparentstown
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When's the party?
partywhens
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- My parents said no parties.
parentsparties
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Plus, I don't really party.
partyplus
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None of us do.
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- Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.
hang
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Does this apply to everybody?
applyeverybody
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That's crazy.
crazy
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A bunch of high school kids who don't party?
bunchkidspartyschoolschool-kids
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No, no, no, no, no. Which one of you is gonna be
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the badass to pressure Victor into have a party this weekend?
badasspartypressurevictorweekend
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Parties are how memories are made.
memoriesparties
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Nobody has memories about making good grades.
gradesmemoriesnobody
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They have memories about getting in fights
fightsmemories
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and waking up in tunnels and crazy stuff like that.
crazystufftunnelswaking
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This is sad, man.