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🎲 Surprise Me

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- So that was the Wikipedia entry,
entry
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and this is your paper.
paper
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- Okay, Ralph.
ralph
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It is the third Friday of the month.
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Funky Friday?
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The day that Mary and I usually break out the karaoke machine?
breakkaraokekaraoke-machinemachinemaryusually
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Well, today, Mary can suck an egg,
marysucktoday
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because you and I are going to crush a duet.
crush
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- Oh, no, I haven't performed in years.
years
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I mean, I played trombone in a ska band in college.
bandcollegeplayed
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You know, the Skanky Doodles.
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We had a killer rendition of "Proud to Be an American,"
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all ska'd out, and, you know, it was ironic.
ironic
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But also, no, we were very patriotic
patriotic
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but also questioned everything.
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You know, the... '90s were nuts!
nuts
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- You'll be fine.
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No one's gonna be looking at you anyway.
lookingones
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See you later, girl!
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- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
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That's my presentation. Give me that.
presentation
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Don't ever go through my stuff again,
stuff
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or I'll beat your ass with whatever I can... find.
beat
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- Aw, you seem upset.
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Yo, maybe this will cheer you up.
cheer
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Fries are like jeans-- they, uh, go with anything.
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That's very funny.
funny
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You know what's really gonna cheer me up?
cheer
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All the money I'm gonna get from the millions
millionsmoney
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of people who buy my new book.
book
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- "Hundred Smiles in Your Pocket"?
hundredpocketsmiles
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That's lame.
lame
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- "You grow each day.
grow
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Just ask your fingernails."
fingernails
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- Yeah, well, of course it sounds terrible
coursesounds
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when Marcus reads it.
marcusreads
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- This is the book you told Miles
bookmiles
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you weren't gonna write.
write
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- It seems like you're selling out, boss.
bossseemsselling
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- No, this isn't selling out.
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Let me just explain how the world works.
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You see, sometimes, you write something
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that's just so brilliant
brilliant
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that dum-dums don't want to publish it.
publish
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So you go schmooze with a couple Chad Bro Chillingtons,
chadcouple
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you know, and then you crank out
crank
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whatever drivel they want, get paid.
paid
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- That is the exact definition of selling out.
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