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🎲 Surprise Me

Results (6345)

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- Listen, that's why I'm calling you.
calling
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You need to fly out to New York on Friday
fridayyork
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and just do a little dog and pony show
pony
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for the guys at Colfax.
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- So, what, I gotta bro out with a bunch of middle-aged
agedbunchmiddlemiddle-aged
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frat guys who know nothing about good writing?
fratwriting
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- No, you just gotta present some "smiles."
presentsmiles
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- Sure, man. Uh, yeah, whatever.
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- Well, then, I shall tell them full steam ahead.
aheadfullsteam
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Listen, I've gotta go-- me and David Blaine
blainedavid
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are getting our teeth whitened.
teeth
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More.
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Mental. Ciao for now.
mental
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- Aw!
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Why does he get to...
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Excuse me.
excuse
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- Hey, Jack!
jack
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Have you ever seen a turtle
seenturtle
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with a kitten riding on its back?
kittenriding
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- Uh, no.
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- Well, you got somethin' to look forward to, hon.
forwardsomethin
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- You know, this incessant happy talk
happyincessant
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is a form of harassment.
formharassment
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- Aww.
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What you got there?
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- It's an Italian espresso maker for the faculty lounge.
facultyitalianloungemaker
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- Fancy. Does it make cocoa?
cocoafancy
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Because I'm a strict cocoa-tarian.
cocoastrict
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- You know, I mean this in the nicest possible way,
nicestpossible
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but you might be the worst person I've ever met.
mightpersonworstworst-person
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- I'm gonna squeeze the candy out of ya!
candysqueeze
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- See, I really don't like blue cheese.
bluecheese
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- Oh, just...
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Just laugh real hard at whatever I say.
hardlaughrealreal-hard
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Just... yes?
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- Oh-ho-ho!
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- Hoo! - Oh-ho!
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- Quick, tell me the funniest thing
funniestquick
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you've ever heard in your entire life.
entireentire-lifeheardlife
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- Um... oh, well, Keith made me the cutest lunch.
cutestkeithlunch
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Yes!
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- Ha-ha! You...
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- You're just staring. You're not doing anything.
staring
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- Actually...
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You know what I want to know from you guys?
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Tell me, what makes you smile?
makessmile
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- This feels like a trap. - No, no, it's not a trap.
feelstrap
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Come on, guys. Extra credit.
creditextraextra-credit