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🎲 Surprise Me

Results (89094)

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- Why would you say she's dead? - It's a business tactic.
businessdeadtactic
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You drop the bomb, then you soften the blow. You never tried this?
blowbombdropsoftentried
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- That's a terrible business tactic! - You are a horrible father.
businessfatherhorribletactic
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That's what I came to talk to you about.
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I hate the kind of person that your whore mother turned me into.
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The big house, the big car... I'm giving it all away.
givinghouse
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- Hmm? - Giving it away how?
giving
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For starters, I'm giving all my money to charity.
charitygivingmoneystarters
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Then I'm gonna hang out with you two.
hang
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That's what this is all about, spending time with my kids.
kidsspending
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- Hold on a second. - I wanna be the father I never was.
fathersecond
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- Shh, shh, shh. - Getting to know them.
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What did you say about the money?
money
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- I'm giving it all away. - That is a very stupid thing to do.
givingstupid
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You're a very stupid, stupid man. Who are you gonna give it to?
stupidstupid-stupid
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I don't know. Poor people.
poor
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- Poor people? - Poor people?
poor
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What... What is your... Okay, where's Mom?
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Mom? She's on vacation banging one of the boys she hangs out with.
bangingboyshangsvacation
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Dennis, your mother is a dirty, dirty whore.
dennisdirtydirty-dirtydirty-whoremotherwhore
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Goddamn it, Dad! First you force me to run over my friend Charlie
charlieforcefriendgoddamngoddamn-it
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and then you start talking about Mom like she's dead.
deadstart
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- Now she's a dirty whore? - And the money.
dirtydirty-whoremoneywhore
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You can't waltz back into our lives and be our dad again!
liveswaltz
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- And the money. - It doesn't work that way.
money
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- You can't just barge in! - And the money!
bargemoney
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And the money! My God, Dad!
money
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All of our money? (gasps)
gaspsmoney
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- Well, that was awkward. - Yes, it was.
awkward
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- Sort of a private conversation. - Very much a family-type moment.
conversationfamilymomentprivatetype
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- We didn't need to hear that. CHARLIE: Not for our ears.
charlieears
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Wanna go to the strip club?
clubstripstrip-club
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(rock music playing) I don't know.
musicmusic-playingplayingrockrock-musicrock-music-playing
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I've been manically depressed for the past couple of years.
coupledepressedpastyears
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I just feel like I need a serious change or I'm gonna kill myself.
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Right, so when you say you're giving your money away to poor people,
givingmoneypoor
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do you mean "Mexico" poor or can it be "Me and Charlie" poor?
charliemexicopoor
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I haven't given that much thought.
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Put some thought into that one. Consider that.
consider
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Yeah, man. Give that some thought.
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In the meantime, you wanna get shit-faced, bro. So I tell you what.
facedmeantime
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Before we get crazy giving away our money here,
crazygivingmoney
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what do you say we buy a couple of pitchers,
couplepitchers
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maybe a few tequila shots, a few rounds of kamikazes.
roundsshotstequila
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After that, we'll hit the town, tie on a serious buzz. Alright, bud?
alrightbuzzserioustown
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Oh, my God! You poor baby. What happened?
babyhappenedpoorpoor-baby
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My best friend ran me over with his car.
bestbest-friendfriend
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(gasps) Yeah.
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