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🎲 Surprise Me

Results (89094)

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(country music playing)
countrycountry-musicmusicmusic-playingplaying
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So, did you want a beverage of some kind?
beverage
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- No! Where's your brother? - We just stepped out of the shower.
brothershowerstepped
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- He'll be down in a minute. - All right. Listen,
minute
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you guys can't go... Did you just say, "we"?
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- What? - Did you just say,
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"we just stepped out of the shower"?
showerstepped
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I said, "he".
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Right. Okay. Listen.
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I heard about the Coach Murray thing.
coachheardmurray
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You guys cannot go to the police and say that he molested you.
cannotmolestedpolice
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- Why not? - Because he didn't molest you!
molest
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That's true, but he's a dick, and we hated him.
dickhated
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This is our chance for revenge. You want in?
chancerevenge
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- No! RYAN: I think you do.
ryan
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- Hello, Charlie. - Hello, Ryan.
charlieryan
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I don't know if you've been paying attention to the news recently,
attentionnewspayingpaying-attentionrecently
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but there are millions to be made here, my friend.
friendmillions
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Oh, sure, there's the classic route of priest molestation,
classicmolestationpriestroute
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but we thought we'd mix it up a bit.
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We're going after the whole damn school board.
boardschoolschool-boardwhole
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If you want in on the team,
team
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we could probably get a nice class-action suit going.
actionclassclass-actionsuit
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(spraying) (scoffs) Okay.
scoffsspraying
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Okay, first of all, there are people out there
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who actually have been molested.
molested
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And you guys are gonna exploit that for your own personal gain?
exploitgainpersonal
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You assholes are securing your place in hell.
assholesplace
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We thought about it. We're willing to roll the dice.
dicerollwilling
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All right. I won't let you do it. I'm gonna call the cops.
cops
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Oh, no, you won't, Charlie.
charlie
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- Oh, yes, I will. - Oh, my friend, I'm afraid not.
afraidfriend
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And why not?
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'Cause we'll tell the cops the whole thing was your idea.
copsideawhole
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We should tell the cops that that fat dickhead gym teacher
copsdickheadteacher
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we had in junior high molested us,
juniormolested
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and just sue the shit out of him! (laughter)
laughter
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- I... I was joking. - Really?
joking
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I'm not joking, though. I'm not joking. I'm really not.
joking
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I wouldn't even joke about something like that.
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We should do it. I wanna do it.
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Shit.
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We'd hate to have to put this whole thing on your shoulders. Shit.
hateshoulderswhole
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So you're gonna have to keep your mouth shut on this one.
mouth
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You don't have to join us, but if anyone asks you point-blank...
asksblankjoinpoint
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(whispers) Your ass got molested.
molestedwhispers
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Otherwise, we're talking conspiracy charges.
chargesconspiracyotherwise
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And prison can be a bad place for someone like you, Charlie.
charlieplaceprison