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🎲 Surprise Me

Results (89094)

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I will always win in these circumstances.
circumstances
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You will not, dude. She's coming over here to see me.
coming
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She's coming over here to see you because you answered the phone.
answeredcomingphone
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That's just semantics, bro. I have a real shot with this chick.
chickrealshot
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You can't beat me here. I will always win in these circumstances.
beatcircumstances
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I will one-up you. I'm sharper than you.
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- You're not sharper. Shut up. - You shut up.
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- Hi, guys. Is this a bad time? BOTH: Hey.
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No, this is a great time. We were just...
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We were talking about your grandfather.
grandfather
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Emotions are running very high around here today.
emotionsrunningtoday
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Yeah, it's been a difficult couple of days for me.
coupledaysdifficult
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Yeah, I try not to think about me though
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n circumstances like this. More importantly, how are you?
circumstancesimportantly
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CHARLIE: You look like you're gonna pass out.
charliepass
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I don't think I can do this. I'm not kidding.
kidding
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- Come on. You're gonna be fine. - My God. Look at that one.
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Hey. They have ears, all right? Listen to me, Dee.
ears
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The slow and painful crawl to death is an inevitable part of life.
crawldeathinevitablelifepainfulpartslow
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So just embrace it, all right?
embrace
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Wait. It's really creepy in here. What is that very bad smell?
creepysmell
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It's probably urine and maybe some feces.
fecesurine
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17-D, right? This is your Pop-Pop's door.
doorpops
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Just hold on a second.
second
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What if he asks us to help him go to the bathroom?
asksbathroom
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Are you kidding me? Come on.
kidding
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A lot of people lead perfectly normal lives in nursing homes.
homesleadlivesnormalnursingperfectly
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Jesus! He doesn't even look like a real person.
jesuspersonrealreal-person
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- Should we go wake him up? - No! I don't know. Let's go.
wake
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No, we can't go. We came all the way down here.
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Let's just... (coughing)
coughing
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(wheezing) I need some air.
wheezing
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What? No. Do not leave me here alone, cause I can't...
alone
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Dennis...
dennis
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- Dennis... - This is awkward. I'm not...
awkwarddennis
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Dennis, come here. I've been waiting.
denniswaiting
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A long time for this moment, Dennis.
dennismoment
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- Okay. You have? - Yeah.
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My only grandson finally come to see me. Come close.
closefinally
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My eyesight's not so good.
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You're lot shorter than I thought you'd wind up.
shorterwind
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Yeah, well, I'm actually still growing, so...
growing
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- You want some candy? - No, I'm good. Thanks.
candythanks
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- Eat the damn candy! - Okay. Candy.
candy
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(chuckling)
chuckling
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These people in here... They've stolen everything from me.
stolen
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- They have? - What do you expect from Jews?
expectjews
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(scoffs) Jews...
jewsscoffs