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🎲 Surprise Me

Results (6345)

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[Ramones' "Listen to My Heart"]
heartramones
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- One, two, three, four!
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- * Next time I'll listen to my heart *
heart
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* Next time, well, I'll be smart *
smart
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*
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[parents chattering indistinctly]
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- You can't talk to our kids about banging.
bangingkids
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- I want to see a syllabus, please.
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I want to see a syllabus, please.
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- Okay, listen, listen, listen.
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I don't know what your kids told you about me,
kids
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but I went to Harvard,
harvard
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which means I know how to get in to Harvard,
harvard
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as well as the other Ivies,
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because they're all a little worse than Harvard.
harvardworse
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So keep your hands up if you don't want your kids
handskids
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to go to Harvard or one of the lesser Ivies.
harvard
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Now, I believe all of your remaining questions
believequestionsremaining
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can be boiled down to one simple answer.
answerboiledsimple
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All of your kids know
kids
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exactly what they need to do to get an A in my class.
class
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Right, guys?
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And I'm happy to report that so far,
happyreport
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all of your kids, the fruits of your loins,
kidsloins
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are getting As.
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So have a great rest of your day, guys.
rest
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- Excuse me, are we getting individual feedback, yes?
excusefeedbackindividual
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- You honestly want to know what I think about Marcus?
marcus
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- Yes.
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- Yeah, he's just got a real turd of a personality.
personalityrealturd
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But you two seem like a couple of wet blankets as well.
blanketscouple
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Here's why Heather's cool.
cool
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There's something dangerous lurking inside of her,
dangerouslurking
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something edgy.
edgy
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You need to foster that.
foster
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- Yeah, guys.
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Get me my own pressure cooker.
cookerpressurepressure-cooker
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I want to make brisket, and I want to make it quick.
quick
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- You're not old enough to get a pressure cooker.
cookerpressurepressure-cooker
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- But I'm old enough for an HPV vaccine?
vaccine
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- Sarika has no sense of humor, zero.
humorsarikasensezero
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Does she laugh at anything?
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- Sarika refuses to have fun.
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- You think I want to be
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spending five hours every Saturday
fivefive-hourshourssaturdayspending
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at the academic decathlon? No.
academic
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- No. - No!
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I'd rather be poolside,