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🎲 Surprise Me

Results (89094)

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- Will you look at your skin? - I am. What's the matter with it?
matterskin
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- It's all blotchy. - How's it blotchy? I don't see it.
blotchy
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Dad, look at Sweet Dee's skin and tell me that it's not all blotchy?
blotchydeesskinsweetsweet-dees
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Do I have to listen to this shit all morning?
morning
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Frank, you've gotta be kidding with these receipts.
frankkiddingreceipts
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We were actually doing better before you took over.
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Hey! Hey! What's up, guys? (sniffs) I didn't hear you guys come in.
sniffs
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Uh, you know, I was actually in here early opening up this morning.
earlymorningopening
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We had an agreement. This is a place of business, not your home.
agreementbusinesshomeplace
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Uh, yeah, I know that.
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Not supposed to sleep in the bar anymore, bro.
anymoresleepsupposed
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- I wasn't. - You didn't come home last night.
homenight
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Oh, okay, okay. Well, guess what?
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I found some extensive water damage in the back office.
damageextensivefoundofficewater
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- What? - Yeah, maybe I'm not such a bad guy
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for passing out in there and drinking too much or whatever.
drinkingpassing
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- That's a terrible excuse, dude. - I drank too much, so lay off.
drankexcuse
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Holy shit! Guys, come here! Come here! Check this out!
checkholy
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Look!
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- What? - What?
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That is the Virgin Mary.
maryvirginvirgin-mary
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CHARLIE: What? - Oh, take it easy, bro.
charlieeasy
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No, look. The head and the arms and the cape.
armscapehead
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- Does look like it. Weird. - I don't see it.
weird
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What if it's a sign? You guys, remember, I wanted to be a priest.
priestremembersignwanted
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That's a water stain, dude.
stainwater
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Or it could be a sign that we need to get our pipes fixed.
fixedpipessign
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What if it's a miracle? (arguing)
arguingmiracle
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Listen. It could be a miracle. It could be bullshit.
bullshitmiracle
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There's only one thing we know for sure.
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- What's that? - It's a goddamn gold mine.
goddamngold
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Well, I'll tell you, Jim. I was in the back office,
office
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and I'd just finished praying on my rosaries.
finishedpraying
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And I was doing some crunches, you know, working on my abs.
crunchesworking
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And that's when I saw it.
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And I thought to myself,
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"That is definitely the mother of our Lord."
lordmother
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Did my face look fat?
face
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Yeah.
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No, don't, don't screw with me here.
screw
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- Seriously. It's just the TV, yes? - No, it's been looking fat.
looking
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So if you like the Virgin Mary and you like beer,
beermaryvirginvirgin-mary
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come on down to Paddy's Pub. We got 'em both.
paddys
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Welcome to Paddy's Pub, home of the Blessed Mother.
blessedhomemotherpaddyswelcome
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- Would you care to make a donation? - How much should I give?
caredonation
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Well, what price can one put on the viewing of a miracle?
miraclepriceviewing
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Give whatever you can.
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These people are pathetic.
pathetic