🎲 Surprise Me

Results (13329)

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Joe this is a flyer for your one-man show.
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"Joe-comotive. The laughs have left the station."
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Wow, and only five bucks a tick?
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I should investigate this next, 'cause that is a steal.
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Anyway, the collar's programmed to give you a severe shock
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if you raise your voice above a certain decibel.
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That's a military-grade collar, a little trickle down from Gitmo.
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And don't bother trying to cut it off, you won't be able to.
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Same stuff Republicans want our kids to wear to school.
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"Joe-comotive," all that and more, Friday afternoon at the VFW parking lot.
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Chris, your mother asked me to get you involved in a sport
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to help bring your blood pressure down.
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Now, you have what we're no longer allowed to call "imbecile strength,"
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so the first sport we're going to try is the shot put.
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Just take this cannonball thingy, spin around like a maniac a few times,
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- and, uh, heave it as far as you can. - Seems easy enough.
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Ha! Who's the pathetic loser for not having a windshield now,
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The student you're matched up against today is Chris Griffin.
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He's not much of an athlete, so go easy on him.
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By God, it's the Griffinator from the top rope!
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As a husky kid on the spectrum,
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this is the only kind of wrestling I'm into.
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You don't have to explain yourself to me, Chris.
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As an adult whose bath mat is newspapers, I'm pretty into it, too.
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Thanks for trying to help, Principal Shepherd,
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but I'm just not good at anything.
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And all that stuff about carbo-loading is BS, by the way.
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I ate a whole pan of the milky mac n' cheese at lunch
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- [stomach growls] - Uh-oh. Oh, I think the carbs just loaded.
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Uh, the closest one is all the way across the field.
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It's okay, this isn't my first poop-trot rodeo.
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Chris is using hips to generate speed without dilating his anus.
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It's the perfect race-walking form!
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A natural speed walker with form unlike any I've ever seen.
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What the hell happened to us, Don?
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Eight years ago, we were calling Major League Baseball,