🎲 Surprise Me

Results (13329)

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Look, I'm sorry I overreacted, you guys.
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I think I was just frustrated about never actually winning anything.
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Peter, of course you're a winner.
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You've got a beautiful wife, a family who loves you,
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and a bathroom window that's not as frosted as you think.
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And you're white. That's a big one.
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Oh, yeah, my insulated experience of the world always makes me forget that.
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We pooled our last $15 of scratcher winnings to pay your fine.
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Oh. See, this... That's... is the thing that I was saying.
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[♪ triumphant music playing]
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Man, you guys are the best.
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I hope you can forgive me for acting so crazy.
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Wait a second. You got me out of jail for only $15
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after I committed a robbery?
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Well, I pulled a few strings.
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Kind of an easy sell to the chief because you're white.
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See, there's that... there's that thing that I was saying.
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Are we for sure in the clear? How's Meg?
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Yes, she went to the store.
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- To pick up some ointment... - Uh-oh.
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- [all cheering, celebrating] - Hurray!
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A bit of a journey, but we got there.
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Listen, Stewie. We never should have used your time machine without telling you.
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Chris and I owe you an apology.
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At least your heart was in the right place.
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[sighs] Yeah, well, that's the thing, I'm...
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You see, Chris, I never should have suggested a do-over on your book report.
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Well, I realize now that all the awkward,
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embarrassing, difficult experiences in life
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are exactly what shape people into interesting adults.
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You need these cringy moments because I know you have
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a very interesting future ahead of you.
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You know what? Maybe let's put a pin in the hug
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until that book report pistol is back in its holster.
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Eh, that could just be time-travel related, from the re-entry.
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- Re-- Really? - Yeah. You know how you can get
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rando boners on airplanes? It's like that.
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Oh, that's right. The first person it ever happened to was Charles Lindbergh.