🎲 Surprise Me

Results (4017)

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You have an 18-wheeler dropping off merch?
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Remember when you said take something from my act, throw my name on it,
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make a little extra scratch?
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Yeah, I remember that.
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I went with weighted blankets.
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- Weighted blankets? - Yeah.
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'Cause they make you nut.
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Wait, are you ser--
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Is this truck really full of weighted blankets?
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Kirk... merch for comedy shows
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is like T-shirts, hats, beer koozies.
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They love my weighted blanket bit.
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Honestly, it's not even really a bit.
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You just kind of have a couple lines about it.
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Wait, how much do they weigh?
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Hundred and twenty-five.
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I thought weighted blankets weighed, like, 10 or 15 pounds.
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I wanted to stand out.
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Dude, you wear a hat at every show.
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You don't think a Kirk Fox... hat is a good idea?
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Yeah, weighted hats.
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No, what... what is your deal with weighted stuff?
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Kirk, how many of these did you order?
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Yeah, they lowered the cost 'cause I got a bulk order.
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Four hundred grand?
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Got an equity line on the house.
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- Can I ask you something? - Yeah.
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What the fuck is wrong with you?
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I've never been clearer.
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- Did you tell them? - That they'll nut?
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Yes, I did what you said, but no one gets it.
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- Everyone's super confused. - You gotta take it off the table!
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You gotta demonstrate.
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Kirk Fox makes you come.
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I tried, but it's too heavy.
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I mean, I had both knees replaced last month.
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I don't give a shit about your knees, you fucking old bitch.
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How's it going, man?