🎲 Surprise Me

Results (84882)

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I don't know what you said, but we went out on this date.
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- She really likes me. Thank you. - You're welcome, man!
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- Yeah, you seem flush. You seem... - I feel like a...
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I feel like an ice cream sundae, you know? (laughs)
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That's great, man. That is terrific.
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It must really take your mind off things then, huh?
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Well, you know, the... cancer. (urinating stops)
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Here's the thing though... about cancer. I don't have it.
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(chuckling) Mom, I'm telling you, this girl's amazing.
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Yeah, I got butterflies in my stomach.
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There's one little issue. Yeah. Oh!
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Oh, my God! I think you broke my nose!
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- That guy's beatin' on that chick! CARMEN: Oh, my God!
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Oh, no. You know what? It's a dude. Yeah, she has a penis. So it's okay.
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- Dude, isn't that a hate crime? - Shit, yeah, it's a hate crime!
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- How could you do this? - Oh, well, excuse me
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for bein' the most terrible man on the planet!
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- Oh, I'm a terrible man! - What are you doing? What is that?
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- We thought you're dying, Charlie. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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- Who's we? - Me and Mac and Sweet Dee.
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Great. I told you not to tell anyone!
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Now I've to go into remission so they don't think I was lying.
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- You were lying! - Yeah. I lied to you, all right?
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Look. The girl, she wears a Lance Armstrong bracelet. Okay?
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So I tell you that I have cancer, right?
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Then you're gonna tell her. She's gonna feel sorry for me.
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We're gonna start dating. And that's the way that life works!
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- That was a horrible thing to do! - Well, I'm a bad guy then.
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- You are a bad guy! You lied to us. - All right, look at this.
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Sometimes you gotta crack a few eggs to make an omelet.
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You gotta crack a couple eggs to make an omelet?
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So you're throwing down life lessons now?
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- I'm throwin' down eggs! - Class is in session.
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- The teacher's teachin' class now! - I'm crackin' eggs of wisdom.
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Is that what you're doin'? Let me crack one more egg for you.
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Let me crack and egg and throw it in the omelet!
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The waitress doesn't even like you.
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We had to pay her $250 to have sex with you!
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Hey! Guess what, Dee. You're gonna love this.