🎲 Surprise Me

Results (2118)

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I don't have a fucking clue how to be a pilot.
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Don't worry, everything will be fine.
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Don't worry. I will guide you.
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Okay, let's breathe.
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- My name is Tom. - Okay, Tom. Nice to meet you.
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I want you to pull the lever that says Throttle two.
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Now you're going to move that yoke gently,
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so I can see how the plane is moving.
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It's moving the plane a little.
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I know you've never flown a plane before, but you're doing it very well.
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We're going to be fine.
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It's just that I feel like I'm going to have terrible diarrhea any moment here.
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Many people get airplane diarrhea, don't worry.
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Wow, and what do you do, Tom?
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The funny thing is that I'm a comedian.
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Wow, Tom the comedian, nice to meet you.
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And what is your last name? Maybe I know you.
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My last name is Segura.
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I have heard of you.
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Your comedy is not very nice, cabrón.
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Oh, you speak English?
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You know, Tom Segura,
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I have a brother who has Down syndrome.
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And you like to say that people are retarded, correct?
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Look, man, I'm sorry if I ever said something
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that was... offensive like that.
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Like, I use it to describe, like, a friend doing something silly, you know.
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- Like my brother. - No, of course not.
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What I'm saying is, like, sometimes, you know, your friend does something dumb.
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You know what I mean?
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Pulls his dick out at a wedding reception.
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You're like... You know?