🎲 Surprise Me

Results (1403)

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I go, "Uh, very."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1249
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1250
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She goes, "Really?" I go, "It wouldn't even be a little bit hard."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1251
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1252
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She goes, "No!"
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1253
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And I go, "Yeah."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1254
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"I'm not saying I'm a badass. I'm saying I can kill you with little to no effort."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1255
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Now this shit comes up all the time. Like, whenever we're together.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1256
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We were in New York. We were waiting for the subway, just standing there.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1257
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And at one point I was like, "Oh, I could fucking…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1258
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1259
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…shove you off of that platform right now."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1260
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And she looks, she goes, "I would die."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1261
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I go, "No shit."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1262
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1263
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Then she goes, "You shouldn't."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1264
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I go, "What?"
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1265
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She goes, "There's cameras here, and there's people everywhere."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1266
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"You're gonna get caught."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1267
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1268
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I was like, "Yeah, good looking out. Okay."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1269
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1270
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We went to Hawaii.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1271
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We were on a hike just on this cliff's edge.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1272
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And at one point I put my hands on her shoulders.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1273
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I go, "You know, if I wanted to, I could… [grunts] …throw you off."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1274
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And she looks. She goes, "I would die."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1275
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I go, "You're getting good at this. Yeah."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1276
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1277
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I go, "Of course I'm not going to. There's rocks."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1278
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"Your body would be exposed. There'd be detectives everywhere."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1279
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"It would fuck up my day. I'm not doing it."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1280
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I go, "But if you look down there, I don't see any rocks."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1281
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"Over there, the tide would take you out."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1282
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"And then I would have an awesome week in Hawaii."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1283
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1284
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And then we kissed.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1285
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-[inhales deeply] -[crowd laughing]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1286
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I guess that's love, right?
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1287
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Yeah, but she's alive.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1288
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[light laughter]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1289
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Isn't she?
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1290
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Yeah. You know, we've been together, I think 63 years now, and…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1291
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You get to that point in your relationship where you're like,
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1292
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"I'm riding it out with this one, right?"
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1293
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But you can't help sometimes to think about who it could have been.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1294
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Don't you ever play that game?
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1295
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You think back and you think about one, you're like, "Oof, Jesus,
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#1296
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