🎲 Surprise Me

Results (1403)

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You know, the duck is like… [gruff quack]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#625
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#626
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[shrill quacking]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#627
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I look at Teacher, and Teacher's like…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#628
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#629
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I go, "What are you doing?" He goes, "We can cook it."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#630
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I go, "No, no."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#631
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"We're all set today, pal."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#632
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He goes, "Can I keep it?" I go, "Of course not."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#633
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He goes, "You're never fun."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#634
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I go, "Let it go."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#635
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And he goes, "Oh."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#636
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And then I turn and I see all the other parents who are like…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#637
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-[gasps harshly] -[crowd laughing]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#638
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I go, "He's a foster kid. They're bad, you know?"
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#639
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We're trying to make him good for you guys.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#640
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Yeah, well…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#641
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-[cheering] -You know…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#642
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[cheers and whistling]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#643
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"We got him in Ukraine. He's been a handful." Um…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#644
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[cackles] He's blonde. They bought it.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#645
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#646
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This tour has been a lot of fun. We've gone to a lot of fun places.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#647
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You learn things sometimes when you travel. You pick up on things.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#648
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A few weeks ago, we were in Augusta, Georgia, the Coke Zero of their cities.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#649
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-And… -[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#650
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Augusta is quite famous, if you don't know.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#651
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It's the home of Augusta National,
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#652
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which is a country club and golf course
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#653
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where they play arguably the most famous tournament in all of golf,
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#654
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appropriately titled, "The Masters."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#655
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It's a curious name choice for the deep South.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#656
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Now…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#657
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[crowd laughing]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#658
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Perhaps a different pronunciation when they named it?
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#659
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Mm-massa.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#660
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-So… -[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#661
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I didn't name it. It was built…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#662
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The club was built in 1933
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#663
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by what I would call top-shelf whites.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#664
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The whitest whites.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#665
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Whites so white, they sang white songs during their backswings.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#666
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Like… I'm white
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#667
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#668
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No rhythm or flow, more of a statement, you know?
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#669
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Now, the club is also notorious
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#670
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for having a very exclusionary past.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#671
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They are not a big fan of "others."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#672
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