🎲 Surprise Me

Results (1403)

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"You thirsty?"
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#529
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"Is that why you did that?"
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#530
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[loud cheers and laughter]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#531
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This kid is insane.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#532
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I mean, he hates his real name.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#533
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And this is something that came about a few years ago.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#534
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And when it first happened, I got kind of nervous.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#535
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I did what you do in those situations.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#536
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I asked other parents, and they were like, "It's just a phase."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#537
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I go, "What?" "It's a little phase."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#538
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"He's going through a phase."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#539
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"A lot of kids don't like their names. It'll end in a little bit."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#540
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I was like, "It's a phase? Do you know how long it's been? About three years."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#541
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That isn't so much a phase in my opinion as a new path.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#542
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That's where I think we are.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#543
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His birth name is Julian. That's what we've always called him.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#544
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And that's what he used to respond to
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#545
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because it's his fucking name, right?
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#546
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#547
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He would also respond to variations of it.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#548
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Julian, Juju, Jujito,
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#549
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Julian.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#550
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And he'd be like, "Mm-hmm."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#551
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And then one day, about three years ago, I was like, "Hey, Julian."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#552
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He was like, "Don't ever call me that. I hate that name."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#553
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"When you say that name, I want to die."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#554
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And I'm like, "Oh my God, okay."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#555
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So now this kid will only talk to us
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#556
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if we call him by his self-imposed name,
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#557
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which, buckle up…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#558
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#559
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…is "Teacher."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#560
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[crowd laughing]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#561
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Is there a creepier name…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#562
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to use when addressing a small child?
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#563
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Like, "Hello, my teacher."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#564
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Is this The Shining? Because it feels like it.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#565
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It feels like Jordan Peele's next movie.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#566
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Like a fucking kid from the woods that walks into town
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#567
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to follow Teacher and live long.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#568
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And you're like, "Okay."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#569
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You get it, right?
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#570
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I walk into my own house, and I go, "Is Teacher here?"
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#571
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And he goes, "Yes."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#572
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And I go, "Hello, sir."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#573
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And people have the balls to ask me. They're like, "Are you worried?"
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#574
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Of course I'm fucking worried.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#575
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#576
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