🎲 Surprise Me

Results (1403)

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to adult porn.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#433
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Because I thought he wouldn't like it, but…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#434
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[Tom chuckling]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#435
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Hey, did you guys know… did you know, that in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba,
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#436
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at the naval prison that houses some of the most dangerous men on earth
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#437
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and also other people… who have never done anything.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#438
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Did you know…
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#439
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Look it up.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#440
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Did you know
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#441
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that the guards there are specially trained?
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#442
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Now, I know this because I went there.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#443
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I went to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, to do shows for fucking us.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#444
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Yeah, for the troops.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#445
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They weren't like, "Here's the 9/11 planners."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#446
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"Why don't you give them a giggle?"
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#447
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That'd be insane if they're like,
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#448
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"Get in there and you make Khalid Sheikh Mohammed laugh."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#449
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And I'm like, "What the fuck?"
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#450
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[crowd laughing]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#451
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[pops lips]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#452
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He's like, "Ha, ha, ha. I like. He's a funny guy."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#453
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So when you go to GITMO, you don't just buy a ticket, right?
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#454
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You fly to Florida,
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#455
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and a military plane picks you up and they take you to the base,
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#456
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and you're greeted by high-ranking naval officers, and they're pretty formal.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#457
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They go, "Thank you for coming. We're excited for your show."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#458
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"We'll put you in the housing unit. Let us know if you need anything."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#459
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You go, "Thanks very much."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#460
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And then they pass you off to some Marines who are a little different.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#461
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And then first thing these guys said to me, they go,
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#462
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"You want to see some shit?"
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#463
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#464
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I go, "Yeah, fuck yeah, of course, yes."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#465
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So these guys put me in a Jeep, and they took me to a hilltop.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#466
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They're like, "You shouldn't be up here. It's classified."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#467
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I go, "You just fucking drove me here."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#468
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[crowd laughs]
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#469
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They're like, "All right, good point."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#470
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They point to this white building. They go, "That's level four."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#471
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"That's what you see on the news." I go, "Wow."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#472
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Then they tell me this fascinating insight.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#473
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They tell me that the guards there are specially trained.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#474
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So I assume they're talking about Navy SEALs.
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#475
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They go, "No, they're trained for their demeanor,
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#476
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how they carry themselves."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#477
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"What do you mean?"
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#478
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They said, "The prisoners often protest their imprisonment
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#479
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by throwing their feces and their urine in the guards' faces."
Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
S01E01 — Tom Segura: Teacher (2025)
#480
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