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Home » Silicon Valley » S03E02 — Two in the Box

Silicon Valley

Season 3, Episode 2 — Two in the Box

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Silicon Valley

Episode title: Two in the Box

Air date: May 01, 2016

Director: Mike Judge

Top billed cast: Thomas Middleditch, T.J. Miller, Zach Woods, Kumail Nanjiani, Martin Starr, Amanda Crew

The new and improved Pied Piper impresses Dinesh and Gilfoyle, but worries Richard. Jared and Erlich both face housing issues. Gavin suggests a controversial move.

Source: TMDB

↓

Well, Richard, according to all of your test results,

according results richard test test-results

↓

you are what we in the medical field call healthy.

field healthy medical

↓

In fact, you've got kind of a glow about you.

fact glow

↓

- Oh, really? - Absolutely.

absolutely

↓

You know, if it were medically possible, I might even think that you were pregnant.

medically might possible pregnant

↓

Of course, I thought my girlfriend was pregnant,

course girlfriend pregnant

↓

and I was sure wrong about that. Whoops!

whoops

↓

Hey, give me that ring back!

ring

↓

Oh, what a mess.

mess

↓

What a mess that was.

mess

↓

So, been any big changes for you, diet or exercise?

changes diet exercise

↓

Well, I actually got fired as CEO of my company.

company fired

↓

I'm working now as the CTO under the new CEO, Jack Barker.

jack working

↓

Wait a minute. You got a boss at your own company?

boss company minute

↓

Yeah, I know that sounds bad, but honestly, he handles all the budgeting,

handles sounds

↓

all the VC funding.

funding

↓

He just negotiated a great new lease on our new offices.

lease offices

↓

I don't know. I think this could be great for me.

↓

Boy, I don't think I could have another doctor coming in here, being my boss.

another another-doctor boss coming doctor

↓

No. It'd be like, "Hey, boss, is it okay if I listen to his heart?

boss heart

↓

"Can I do that? Oh, no? Sorry. No, I won't. Okay.

↓

"Whatever you say."

↓

- Funny. - It is funny. Yeah.

funny

↓

But listen, if it works for you, that's great.

works

↓

Just one more thing. I've gotta check your testicles.

check testicles

↓

Oh, my God. Okay. What, for like a hernia or something?

hernia

↓

No. I just wanna make sure they're still there.

↓

Oh, wow. This is going to be our office? All of this?

office

↓

Yeah, Jack said we have the whole floor.

floor jack whole

↓

Wow, look at that kitchen. This is great.

kitchen

↓

Richard, is that our new logo?

richard

↓

I like it. It's clean and elegant, but not without some danger.

clean danger elegant

↓

Gentlemen, welcome.

gentlemen welcome

↓

I moved away from the flute-playing guy.

flute moved playing

↓

I don't know if you guys realized it, but that was a little phallic.

realized

↓

I didn't want to waste your time with it, so I just pulled the trigger.

pulled trigger waste

↓

Mari Sheibley did this.

mari

↓

Oh. Mari Sheibley. That must've set you back a bit.

mari mustve

↓

No. She's a friend.

friend

↓

Yeah. I know her, as well.

↓

Casually.

casually

↓

So, why don't I show you guys your new home?

home

↓

Hopefully, it lives up to your standards.

hopefully lives standards

↓

Yeah, compared to the shit shack we're used to,

compared shack used

↓

anything's an improvement.

anythings improvement

↓

Ah, an insult born of respect.

born insult respect

↓

I'll worry when we start complimenting each other.

start worry

↓

Fucking dick.

dick fucking fucking-dick

↓

I assume you saw Hiroki putting in the water feature.

assume feature putting water

↓

Good feng shui. Gotta have that.

↓

This is the engineering area.

area engineering

↓

We're gonna work here?

↓

That is a separate, professionally-catered micro-kitchen back there.

kitchen micro professionally separate

↓

I want you hungry here, never here.

hungry

↓

This is all great, but can we really afford all this?

afford

↓

Hey, step into my office, Richard.

office richard step

↓

- Here. - Okay.

↓

I wanna show you something.

↓

This is way better than Erlich's shithole.

shithole

↓

"The Conjoined Triangles of Success"?

conjoined success triangles

↓

I invented that, and now it's taught at business schools.

business invented schools taught

↓

You see what's on the bottom here? The foundation of the whole thing.

bottom foundation whole

↓

- Growth? - Growth.

growth

↓

The more brilliant people we can get working here,

brilliant working

↓

then the faster we can get whatever is in your head out into the world.

faster head world

↓

Let me tell you a story.

story

↓

In 1999,

↓

Google was a little startup, just like we are.

google

↓

And when they started bringing in chefs and masseuses,

bringing chefs started

↓

we thought, "They're nuts!"

nuts

↓

But they were attracting the best possible people,

best possible

↓

and they were able to create the best product, and now they're worth over $400 billion.

able best billion create product worth

↓

And do you know the name of that company?

company name

↓

Uh, Google, right? You said it at the beginning of the story.

beginning google story

↓

You're right. I did that wrong.

↓

And the whole point is that all of this is a sound investment

investment point sound whole whole-point

↓

as long as we are able to get the best people and make the best possible product.

able best possible product

↓

All right. Winner gets the big monitor. Okay?

monitor winner

↓

I understand how this works.

works

↓

Ready? Ready?

ready

↓

- Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. - Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

paper rock scissors shoot

↓

Suck it.

suck

↓

I should've known you'd throw rock.

known rock shouldve shouldve-known throw

↓

That's all you know in Pakistan. It's in your blood.

blood

↓

Don't you guys call it "Rock, Rock, Rock"?

rock

↓

That's funny.

funny

↓

You should type up all your racist jokes on your tiny monitor.

jokes monitor racist tiny type

↓

Is that monitor not big enough? You need a bigger monitor?

bigger monitor

↓

You just put it on the list over there, and our purchasing guy will hook you up.

hook list purchasing

↓

- Seriously? - Absolutely.

absolutely

↓

Jared, how about you? You need any new gear for the office?

gear jared office

↓

No, I'm BYOC.

↓

Let me know if you need anything.

↓

Richard, do you think it'd be okay if, uh, I took this box?

richard

↓

I'm moving out of Noah's guest house after work.

guest house moving

↓

And you want to sleep in that box?

sleep

↓

No. I haven't slept in a box in years. Stop.

slept years

↓

Now that, um, Pied Piper's funded,

↓

I have enough money to move back into my condo.

condo money

↓

Oh, congratulations.

congratulations

↓

I thought you sold it.

sold

↓

No, I've been AirBNB'ing it out to cover the mortgage.

cover mortgage

↓

But it'll be good to get home.

home itll

↓

I've been missing my tub a lot,

missing

↓

and, uh, Noah's been using a lot of hate speech with me lately,

hate lately speech using

↓

so, moving will be a good thing.

moving

↓

All right, guys, think I'm gonna take off

↓

unless you need me to stick around, help the transition.

stick transition

↓

-L... - By doing what?

↓

I could introduce you to some of the people that work here.

introduce

↓

I made some major inroads with Hiroki.

major

↓

- No. - Uh, why would we want that?

↓

Fair... Yeah, fair point.

fair point

↓

So, welcome to your new home.

home welcome

↓

Enjoy it, guys. I gave you this.

enjoy

↓

on.

↓

Sorry. Sorry.

↓

How was everyone's morning?

everyones morning

↓

Let me tell you about mine.

↓

I started my day, as I always do, by typing my own name into Hooli-Search.

name search started typing

↓

I enjoy the ritual, which is designed to center me.

center designed enjoy ritual

↓

But lately, it's been doing the opposite.

lately opposite

↓

Whose work station is this?

station

↓

Observe.

observe

↓

These are all remnants of a time before I wrote Nucleus down.

wrote

↓

Why are we allowing our own technology to dredge up our painful past?

allowing painful past technology

↓

Why is it that when I type my own name into my own company search engine,

company engine name search type

↓

the fucking Internet rains shit-bolts down on me?

bolts fucking internet rains

↓

I want this to stop!

↓

These articles are part of the public record.

articles part public record

↓

Your point?

point

↓

Are you suggesting that we alter

alter suggesting

↓

the fundamental neutrality of the Hooli-Search algorithm?

algorithm search

↓

That's a clear violation of the public trust.

clear public trust violation

↓

Yelp is threatening to sue Google for this very thing.

google threatening yelp

↓

I can't, in good conscience, order Hooli-Search engineers to do that.

conscience engineers order search

↓

I never suggested anything of the sort.

suggested

↓

No Hooli-Search engineer

engineer search

↓

will ever be asked to alter the neutrality of the algorithm.

algorithm alter asked

↓

And so, Gavin doesn't want to see

↓

any more negative mentions of Nucleus on Hooli-Search.

negative search

↓

So, we're gonna alter the search algorithm?

algorithm alter search

↓

Of course not. That would be unethical.

course

↓

What are we supposed to do?

supposed

↓

Promote other websites to outrank the bad Nucleus news?

news promote

↓

Do you have any idea how big a fucking job that is?

fucking idea

↓

Don't you swear at me.

swear

↓

We don't work here anymore.

anymore

↓

For 10 more days you do!

days

↓

Unless you'd all like to quit and walk away from your entire severance packages!

entire packages quit walk

↓

Amazing.

amazing

↓

Whoa, whoa! Oh.

whoa

↓

Jared. Whoa. What's up?

jared whoa

↓

Hi. Um...

↓

I'm sorry, I'm a little confused. You were supposed to be out on Tuesday.

confused supposed tuesday

↓

Oh, I was, but plans have changed.

changed plans

↓

See, I can't really afford to move or pay rent, so I'm gonna have to stay a little while.

afford rent

↓

Okay, look, um...

↓

I appreciate your situation, but you're breaking the terms of our contract.

appreciate breaking contract situation terms

↓

Listen, I don't want to be a dick, it's just, I can't afford to live around here

afford dick live

↓

'cause the rent is so high, because of the tech companies, right?

companies rent tech

↓

And you bought this place with the money you made

bought money place

↓

working at the tech companies, so, it kind of all evens out, right?

companies tech working

↓

That... That makes no sense.

makes sense

↓

I know. Right?

↓

Okay, look, I can give you a few days, uh, two weeks tops,

days tops weeks

↓

but if you're not out by then, I'm gonna have to take legal action.

action legal

↓

This bums me out, man.

bums

↓

I thought you were, like, the one cool tech guy.

cool tech

↓

Me?

↓

Are you sure?

↓

Not anymore.

anymore

↓

Well...

↓

Well, the occupant of a residence in California has almost unlimited rights.

california residence rights unlimited

↓

I have to get his permission to enter my property.

enter permission property

↓

I can't turn off the power or the gas, and I have to hire a lawyer

hire lawyer power

↓

to start a legal eviction.

legal start

↓

That won't be cheap.

cheap

↓

Jeez, man. I'm sorry. That sucks.

jeez sucks

↓

So, where did you sleep last night?

night sleep

↓

I did not. How was your sleep?

sleep

↓

Uh... It was good, yeah.

↓

I mean, I slept like a stone.

slept stone

↓

It's odd not having to do everything ourselves, isn't it?

having

↓

Yeah, I'm, uh, I'm kind of loving it.

loving

↓

Hey, you ready to go to work?

ready

↓

Chef Amy asked us what we wanted for breakfast,

asked breakfast chef wanted

↓

and I said, "Surprise us."

surprise

↓

Could be anything. Let's go!

↓

When was the last time you saw those two

↓

-go anywhere before noon? -Indeed.

indeed noon

↓

Well, let's go get some gluten-free waffles.

free gluten waffles

↓

Sorry about the surprise.

surprise

↓

- I don't care. - I asked Chef Amy to tell me.

asked care chef

↓

I have too many dietary restrictions to leave breakfast to chance.

breakfast chance restrictions

↓

Makes sense.

makes makes-sense sense

↓

Ah, two of my incubees off to eat the world.

world

↓

Be well, work hard, and know one another.

another hard

↓

Okay.

↓

I recently helped them install a new CEO at Pied Piper.

helped install piper recently

↓

I needed to take a more hands-off approach, focus on the future...

approach focus future hands needed

↓

-Incubees, like yourself, with great ideas, like cataloging malware.

ideas malware

↓

Sexy.

sexy

↓

Uh, would you care for another coconut water?

another care coconut water

↓

They are the most expensive unpasteurized variety, if that's any concern.

concern expensive variety

↓

Actually, my concern is the room.

concern room

↓

It's kind of a dump.

dump

↓

Oh, sure, now.

↓

But, uh, with a new coat of paint,

coat paint

↓

you'll hardly recognize the place when you move in next month.

hardly month place recognize

↓

Actually, uh, shit's pivoted.

shits

↓

I need a place next week.

place week

↓

Next week? Shit has pivoted.

week

↓

Well, I'll talk to the current tenant.

current

↓

Let him know that the time has come...

↓

Mother fuck...

fuck mother

↓

Uh... Yeah, put him on a slow boat to China, so to speak.

boat china slow speak

↓

I'm sorry. lt just slipped out.

slipped

↓

I'll ask Chef Amy to make you something else.

chef

↓

No, no, no, I want waffles.

waffles

↓

I just wanted them to be a surprise, Jared. I wanted surprise waffles.

jared surprise waffles wanted

↓

Who are these people?

↓

Uh... I don't know. Did Jack hire engineers already?

engineers hire jack

↓

These people are not in the engineering gene pool.

engineering gene pool

↓

That's right, fellas. These are our new sales people.

fellas sales

↓

They're the best in the business.

best business

↓

Sales? Uh, Jack?

jack sales

↓

Jack?

jack

↓

Shouldn't we hire engineers to build the platform

build engineers hire platform

↓

before we get people to sell it?

sell

↓

No. God, no!

↓

The system, Richard.

richard system

↓

Sales and engineering are the two pillars of the Conjoined Triangles of Success.

conjoined engineering sales success triangles

↓

- Yeah. - Engineering and sales must work together

engineering must sales

↓

to decide what to build.

build decide

↓

Who knows better what the customers need

customers knows

↓

than the people who actually deal with the customers every single day?

customers deal single

↓

We're all gonna meet at 1:00, Richard.

meet richard

↓

You're gonna love these guys. They're the best.

best love

↓

So, while the Hooli lawsuit did hamper our ability to get funding,

ability funding lawsuit

↓

it did not slow down the engineering.

engineering slow

↓

Yes, question?

question

↓

Yeah, Keith, Northeast Regional.

keith northeast regional

↓

So, you don't foresee any technical debt issues

debt issues technical

↓

slowing our ability to scale?

ability scale slowing

↓

Actually, no, uh, none whatsoever.

whatsoever

↓

We've identified all our underlying issues, and we have a plan in place for rapid growth.

growth issues place plan rapid underlying

↓

Uh, yes?

↓

Uh, Don, Global Accounts and Systems Integration.

accounts global systems

↓

What kind of growth are you projecting here?

growth

↓

Uh... Well, this may sound a little bit grandiose, but it's not unrealistic

sound

↓

to think that we have the potential for worldwide penetration

penetration potential worldwide

↓

on the scale of, say, Google or Facebook.

facebook google scale

↓

This is really great, Richard. Just keep going.

richard

↓

Sure. Yeah. Uh...

↓

Well, in regards to the launch,

launch

↓

we are hoping to go wide, um,

hoping wide

↓

get it into the hands of as many people as possible.

hands possible

↓

Jan, Director, Inside Sales. They call me "Jan the Man."

director sales

↓

Oh.

↓

When you say "people," you mean "companies," right?

companies

↓

- Yeah, we're business-facing. - Okay, just wanted to clarify.

business clarify facing wanted

↓

Actually, no. No, sorry, uh, Jan the Man.

↓

By "people," I do mean "people." Humans. Consumers.

humans

↓

Uh, Keith, Northeast Regional, again.

keith northeast regional

↓

Jack told us we would be selling directly to businesses.

businesses directly jack selling

↓

- He did? - Doug. I'm shadowing Keith.

doug keith

↓

- Yes, he did. - Definitely. I was there. Don, again.

↓

Well, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, because, um, the plan has always been

misunderstanding plan

↓

um, entirely based on the freemium model, like Dropbox?

based entirely model

↓

You know, you give the platform away free to consumers,

free platform

↓

and then once you have a big enough user-base,

base user

↓

then you sell premium services to businesses.

businesses premium sell services

↓

If we're giving it away now and waiting until later to sell it,

giving sell waiting

↓

what are we doing here now?

↓

- I don't know. I don't know. - We could maybe ask, uh, Jack

jack

↓

when he gets back, uh, from wherever...

↓

Sorry, one second. Just one moment.

moment second

↓

Jack. Sorry, Jack.

jack

↓

Sorry. Excuse me, Jack. Uh, are you leaving?

excuse jack leaving

↓

Oh, I have this charity wine thing.

charity wine

↓

Sorry, I committed to it months ago, but you are killing it in there, Richard.

committed killing months richard

↓

Uh... Well, actually no.

↓

Sorry. They just said that you told them that we would be business-facing?

business facing

↓

Oh, they filled you in. That's good.

filled

↓

I was under the impression that we would be consumer first.

consumer impression

↓

My guys are pretty set on that.

↓

Richard, I read your deck,

deck read richard

↓

and you project it'll be four years until we get to revenue?

four four-years itll project years

↓

Uh... Yeah.

↓

You know we're in a bubble right now, right?

bubble

↓

Or maybe you don't know. You weren't around for the last bubble.

bubble

↓

You were probably in diapers.

diapers

↓

- I was 11. - Well, I wasn't in diapers.

diapers

↓

I don't... I wasn't either.

↓

- I was there. - Mmm-hmm.

↓

And in March of 2000, do you know when a four-year plan ended?

ended four march plan

↓

April of 2000.

april

↓

We gotta move, now.

↓

We can't put all of our eggs

eggs

↓

in the pot-of-gold-at-the-end- of-the-rainbow basket.

basket gold rainbow

↓

So, the pot of gold is in the basket?

basket gold

↓

Richard, these are the best salespeople in the world,

best richard world

↓

and when they tell me that business-facing is the play,

business facing

↓

I gotta listen to that, okay?

↓

- That's fair, but it's... - I'm just asking you

asking fair

↓

to talk to your guys about modifying your platform for enterprise.

enterprise platform

↓

I mean, just see how it feels, okay?

feels

↓

And no matter what happens, I promise you this.

happens matter promise

↓

I will never compromise the product.

compromise product

↓

Okay. Okay.

↓

Uh, fine, I will talk to my guys, but they're not gonna be happy about it.

happy

↓

No, of course not. They're engineers.

course engineers

↓

I'll see you later.

↓

I realize this is a Japanese tradition and that you are Chinese.

chinese japanese realize tradition

↓

I'm not racist.

racist

↓

Yes, Japanese people racist. They are horrible.

horrible japanese racist

↓

No. No, no.

↓

Jian-Yang, in every relationship, there are ebbs and flows.

flows relationship yang

↓

- Ebbs? - Yes.

↓

And although we have flowed,

↓

our relationship now has come to a permanent ebbing.

permanent relationship

↓

- Flow. - No. No.

flow

↓

We have come to a permanent ebb.

permanent

↓

Do you understand?

↓

So, you want me to leave the house?

house

↓

Yes. Yes. Very much so.

↓

And so, I thank you for our today.

today

↓

Now you bow.

↓

Bow.

↓

All the way to the waist.

waist

↓

No.

↓

Okay.

↓

Thank you, Erlich.

↓

Goodbye, little one. I'm gonna miss you.

goodbye miss

↓

Can't say it wasn't fun, Jian-Yang, you little Cantonese bastard.

bastard fun yang

↓

- Hey, you like this? - What are you doing?

↓

Hi, my name's Erlich Bachman. I'm a lying fuck!

fuck lying names

↓

Who... Who are you yelling at?

yelling

↓

We're the only two people in the fucking house!

fucking house

↓

Erlich a liar!

liar

↓

You're not gonna get me to change my opinion about myself.

change opinion

↓

- Liar! - Take that outta there.

liar outta

↓

I don't know, Richard. I don't think it's that big a deal.

deal richard

↓

Really, you don't? You're okay with being business first?

business

↓

Granted, it's not what we would do if we were in charge,

charge granted

↓

but, you know, Jack seems to know what he's doing.

jack seems

↓

This is fucking amazing.

amazing fucking

↓

I feel like I'm in Minority Report.

minority report

↓

And in reality, you're just a minority.

minority reality

↓

Richard, relax. We're still building the neural net.

building relax richard

↓

We still get to do all the cool stuff, right?

cool cool-stuff stuff

↓

Yeah, of course.

course

↓

We're not scrapping any peer-to-peer delivery?

delivery peer

↓

No, no, definitely not.

↓

So, we're still doing the same stuff, just in a different order.

order stuff

↓

Yeah, I guess you're right.

↓

Well, the eviction process is officially underway,

officially process

↓

but my attorney says it may take up to a year.

attorney

↓

- Where are you gonna stay? - Well, I always have my trick.

trick

↓

All right, I'll bite. What's your trick?

bite trick

↓

I simply imagine that my skeleton is me,

imagine simply skeleton

↓

and my body is my house, and that way, I'm always home.

body home house

↓

Okay. Well, uh, we are now business-facing. I don't know if you heard.

business facing heard

↓

That means we have to rewrite our entire deck.

deck entire rewrite

↓

I just hope it doesn't put us way the fuck behind.

behind fuck hope

↓

Behind who? EndFrame sucks and Nucleus shit the bed, remember?

behind remember sucks

↓

Yeah, yeah. You're right, you're right.

↓

Wow.

↓

This is endless.

endless

↓

If we'd worked this hard on Nucleus in the first place,

hard place worked

↓

we probably wouldn't be scrubbing it right now.

scrubbing

↓

- Dude, are you done? - Yup.

↓

How'd your script digest all those strings so fast?

fast howd script strings

↓

I don't know. It's just a predictive loop.

loop predictive

↓

Actually, it's sort of like a context tree.

context tree

↓

Holy shit.

holy

↓

What's up?

↓

Hey, Jared, why don't we knock off for tonight

jared knock tonight

↓

and just pick this back up tomorrow morning.

morning pick tomorrow tomorrow-morning

↓

Mmm. Agreed.

agreed

↓

I'm going on close to 40 hours without good sleep,

close hours sleep

↓

and the edges of things are starting to get a little dancey.

edges starting

↓

What?

↓

Erlich, thank you again for allowing me to occupy

allowing

↓

a corner of your cozy garage.

corner cozy garage

↓

It is my hearth and my home.

home

↓

What the fuck?

fuck

↓

Jian-Yang, Jesus Christ.

christ jesus jesus-christ yang

↓

Don't sneak up on people like that, you devious little bastard,

bastard devious sneak

↓

especially if they're cleaning glassware.

cleaning especially

↓

You kick me out, but you let him stay. He's not even an incubee.

kick

↓

No, he's not, and he's not staying in the house.

house staying

↓

He's in the garage, like a sad bag of potting soil.

garage soil

↓

Have some compassion.

compassion

↓

I mean, the guy rented his place to some fuckhead tenant who won't leave.

place rented

↓

Jared is fucked, Jian-Yang.

fucked jared yang

↓

He can go to the police.

police

↓

It's useless. California law gives landlords, literally, no recourse.

california gives useless

↓

So, he can go to court.

court

↓

Of course, he's going to go to court, you four-eyed turd.

course court eyed four turd

↓

But in America, the legal system doesn't work very well,

america legal system

↓

so it will take at least a year for the proceedings to even begin.

begin least

↓

Do you understand that?

↓

Yes. I stay here for one year.

↓

I pay no rent. You have no recourse.

rent

↓

That's not always the case.

case

↓

I mean, sometimes court systems can move faster,

court faster sometimes systems

↓

-especially if you have the money for... - I'm going to smoke in my room.

especially money room smoke

↓

- Special occasion. - Oh. Mother fuck.

fuck mother occasion special

↓

If we stack that same loop on top of the bit-level encoder

level loop stack

↓

that we took from Hendricks,

↓

and then we tethered it to the routine we were trying to use...

routine

↓

That would be a huge jump in speed.

huge jump speed

↓

This is mega.

mega

↓

This is what Hendricks did at TechCrunch Disrupt.

↓

I think we just cracked middle-out.

cracked middle

↓

We should probably tell Gavin, right?

↓

Why? He fired us.

fired

↓

You know how much we could get paid if we took this somewhere else?

paid

↓

Fuck off.

fuck

↓

Okay, let me get this straight.

straight

↓

First you talked me into going business-facing,

business facing talked

↓

and now you want to eliminate the entire neural net from the platform?

eliminate entire platform

↓

Jan, Director, Inside Sales. They call me "Jan the Man."

director sales

↓

Yes, we know, "Jan the Man."

↓

Listen, uh, we have to do neural net for deep learning.

deep learning

↓

Look, once we get enough data flowing through the system,

data flowing system

↓

it will be able to recognize long-range patterns and actually learn.

able learn patterns range recognize

↓

It will be able to optimize our algorithm on its own,

able algorithm

↓

increasing our already superior speed and efficiency.

increasing speed superior

↓

Right? Pretty cool, huh?

cool

↓

But it won't be able to do that if we delete it.

able delete

↓

- Do you get that? - But you just said it.

↓

It requires a central repository of data, right?

central data requires

↓

Businesses want to protect their data.

businesses data protect

↓

They're huge pussies when it comes to security.

comes huge pussies security

↓

Okay, well, we're not cutting machine learning. We're not.

cutting learning machine

↓

If we cut that, we might as well cut peer-to-peer delivery,

delivery might peer

↓

and all the efficiencies of the cloud.

cloud

↓

Are those still in?

↓

No, those have to go also.

↓

- What? - Keith, by the way.

keith

↓

I know your name, okay? I know everybody's name.

everybodys name

↓

Look, uh, we can't cut everything about this platform that makes it revolutionary

makes platform

↓

just because that's a little harder for you guys to sell, all right?

harder sell

↓

If we want to sell out, let's just sell all the way out.

sell

↓

Let's just take the algorithm, jam it into a metal fucking box,

algorithm fucking metal

↓

stick it in the back of a data center somewhere,

center data data-center stick

↓

so it can't connect to anything,

connect

↓

and it just sits there and no one even knows it's there.

knows sits

↓

Doug, still shadowing Keith.

doug keith

↓

When you say "metal box,"

metal

↓

you're talking about a rack-mounted server-type appliance?

rack server type

↓

No, no, no. lam using it as a rhetorical example of a bad idea.

example idea rhetorical using

↓

That's fucking stupid.

fucking fucking-stupid stupid

↓

Oh, my God.

↓

I just need to find Jack. One second.

jack second

↓

- Where's Jack? - He had to go meet his vet.

jack meet

↓

His vet? In the middle of the day? Okay, uh, well, what's the vet's address?

address middle vets

↓

Jack, excuse me. Do you mind telling me...

excuse jack mind mind-telling telling

↓

Holy shit. What is that?

holy

↓

- Oh, mother of God. - Richard, what are you doing here?

mother richard

↓

What do you mean? It's 2:30. What are you doing here?

↓

My number one breeding mare went into heat. Sorry, she's not much for schedules.

heat number schedules

↓

Oh, God.

↓

Thoroughbreds, Richard. Natural cover only.

cover natural richard

↓

Now, you don't see that very often, do you?

often

↓

Nope.Uh“.

nope

↓

I had a meeting... I had a meeting with the sales guys

meeting sales

↓

and, uh, Jan the Man...

↓

Uh... You know what? Can we talk over here? This is just hard for me.

hard

↓

Look, Jack, uh, you and I have a problem.

jack problem

↓

Okay, your salespeople are telling me to cut everything cool about the platform

cool platform telling

↓

just because it's a little bit harder for them to sell.

harder sell

↓

But don't you think, because they are such amazing salespeople,

amazing

↓

that it would be okay for them to sell the harder stuff?

harder sell stuff

↓

No. It doesn't work that way.

↓

The way you keep the best salespeople is, you need to give 'em something easy to sell.

best easy sell

↓

Otherwise, they'd just go somewhere else.

otherwise theyd

↓

Okay, well, uh, Pied Piper could honestly be the global standard

global piper standard

↓

for file compression and storage.

file storage

↓

Every mobile device on the face of the planet could be able to access their data

able access data device face mobile planet

↓

as if they had a fiber optic cable plugged into it.

cable fiber plugged

↓

People in the desert, people in refugee camps,

camps desert

↓

people who have nothing could suddenly have access to everything.

access suddenly

↓

You know, everybody in this industry,

everybody industry

↓

they say they want to make this world a better place,

place world

↓

but we could actually do it.

↓

We could do it and make billions of dollars.

billions dollars

↓

- Richard, listen... - No, you listen to me, Jack.

jack richard

↓

You promised me that you would never compromise the product.

compromise product promised

↓

So, do you feel like taking some action and backing me up on this,

action backing

↓

because me and my product feel pretty fucking compromised right now.

compromised fucking product

↓

Richard, I don't think you understand what the product is.

product richard

↓

The product isn't the platform, and the product isn't your algorithm, either.

algorithm platform product

↓

And it's not even the software.

software

↓

Do you know what Pied Piper's product is, Richard?

product richard

↓

Is...

↓

Is it me?

↓

Oh, God! No!

↓

No. How could it possibly be you? You got fired.

fired possibly

↓

Pied Piper's product is its stock.

product stock

↓

Its stock?

stock

↓

And whatever makes the value of that stock go up,

makes stock value

↓

that is what we are going to make.

↓

And maybe sometime in the future,

future sometime

↓

we could change the world and perform miracles,

change miracles perform world

↓

and all of that stuff, and I hope we do.

hope stuff

↓

But, like I told you before,

↓

I'm not going to mortgage the present for that.

mortgage present

↓

I need to move the needle today.

needle today

↓

And now, if you will excuse me.

excuse

↓

I paid $150,000 for the semen that's about to come out of that stallion,

paid semen stallion

↓

and I would very much like to be there

↓

to see that it happens.

happens

↓

- Oh. Hey, Richard! - Yes?

richard

↓

I just got a text from Keith, Northeast Regional.

keith northeast regional text

↓

He says the guys love your idea.

idea love

↓

What idea?

idea

↓

It's a big world,

world

↓

but thanks to modern technology, it's smaller than ever.

modern smaller technology thanks

↓

Today, business moves at the speed of light.

business light moves speed today

↓

You can access your company's data anywhere, anytime.

access anytime companys data

↓

But if you can get your data, who else can get it?

data

↓

Spies, thieves, criminals, and foreigners.

criminals foreigners spies thieves

↓

What if there was a way to take all of your company's data

companys data

↓

and back it up in a protected enclosure completely isolated from the world at large?

completely isolated protected world

↓

Oh, no.

↓

The ultimate enterprise data storage solution.

data enterprise solution storage ultimate

↓

Think inside the box. Powered by Pied Piper.

piper powered

↓

Now, that's what I'm talking about.

↓

This is the game we're playing, team, so, let's win it!

game playing team

↓

You guys, check it out.

check

↓

Chef Amy hollowed out a watermelon and filled it with watermelon Jell-O!

chef filled jell watermelon

↓

Look, that's actual rind.

actual

↓

The fuck is that? Is that a VCR?

fuck

↓

Why does it say "Pied Piper" on it?

piper

↓

Why is everybody so happy?

everybody happy