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Silicon Valley

Season 1, Episode 6 — Third Party Insourcing

TMDB episode metadata
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Kidney function, liver function, testosterone...
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I don't know how you did it,
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but you have essentially aged 40 years in the last seven weeks.
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Wow. Really?
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We had a meth addict in here this morning
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who was biologically younger than you are, and he's 58.
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MySpace guy.
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So what is going on?
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Uh...
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It's this cloud service configuration,
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- I've been stuck on it for over a week. - Wow.
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I'm a good programmer. I mean, it's the only thing I am good at.
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I mean, last year, I threw a Frisbee and I chipped my tooth.
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Oh, that's more of a dental issue.
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Yup, okay, I...
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The point is, I learned Ruby on Rails over a weekend when I was 17.
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I should be able to learn cloud, I have to.
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May I give you my professional opinion, as your doctor?
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You should have taken that $10 million from Gavin Belson, okay?
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But regrets will kill ya, so try not to dwell on it.
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I tried to tell you.
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Outside help? No, we're not getting any outside help.
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It's a week until TechCrunch, Richard. We can't wait any longer.
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Richard, look at the board.
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Okay, cloud architecture is just a giant turd that is clogging up our pipes.
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We have to call in a plumber to fix it.
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Okay, I hate that metaphor, but Erlich is right.
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Gilfoyle and I finished the distribution services days ago
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and we're just sitting around waiting for you.
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- I can solve it. - Richard, you're a fucking rock star, okay?
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You just don't know cloud,
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this tiny, little, shitty area, which is becoming super important,
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and in many ways is the future of computing.
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That sort of went south on me, but you understand what I'm saying.
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I've already talked to Peter Gregory about insourcing a consultant.
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I've made contact with a programmer whose cloud architecture
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is supposed to be insane. They call him The Carver.
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The Carver?
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That Black Hat guy who apparently hacked into the Bank of America
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and took down their entire system, that The Carver?
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We should get him if we can.
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Okay, we can talk to the guy, but, I mean, he's really gonna have to sell me.
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Six months ago, these guys had $35 million
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and Series B financing.
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Now The Carver's here doing teardown.
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He's basically moving their carcass to the cloud.
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Don't touch anything. Failure is contagious.
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I think that's him.
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Excuse me, Mr. Carver?
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Yeah, uh, people refer to me as The Carver,
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but no one actually calls me that. It's, uh, what people call a screen name.
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You know. I'm Kevin.
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Okay, Kevin, um, we're from Pied Piper, we spoke earlier.
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- Yeah, so you guys are fucked, huh? - No. No, we're not fucked.
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Yes, we are totally fucked.
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We have a live demo in one week and our cloud is in the shitter.
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- That's accurate. - Wait, are you Richard?
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Yes, I am.
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Yeah, your, uh, algorithm is solid. It's a really good schema.
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Okay, thanks.
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I did think you'd be younger. What are you, 25?
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I'm 26.
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Yikes.
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Uh, so I have a Model UN thing on Monday,
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but maybe I could burn through your gig over the weekend.
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Mmm. You think you can do our whole job in two days?
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I know I can do it in two days.
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I pound Mello Yello, Oreos and Adderall and I don't sleep until I'm done.
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Okay.
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But you know what? I also have an offer
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to do some migration at Gittawonk this weekend.
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It's, uh... It's kind of chill, and frankly, their tech's a little stronger.
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Whoa. What? What?
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You think Gittawonk's tech is stronger than ours?
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I'm sorry, I don't remember reading in PandoDaily
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that Gavin Belson and Peter Gregory were fighting over Gittawonk.
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No one offered $10 million to acquire Gittawonk.
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Yeah, I agree with Richard, you should come work for us.
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- What... No... - What's it gonna take, a blow-job?
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Because Richard will suck the dick right off of your pelvis.
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Now, you make me laugh, shaggy man.
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All right, I'm in. I'll see you guys Friday.
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Okay.
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- Well done. - Yeah.
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Excuse me. Hi, um, would you guys be interested
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in buying some candy so you can send my church group to camp?
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Nope.
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Erlich, come on.
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$100 says there's no church.
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Whole thing's a scam, little scumbags.
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They're just children.
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Looks like Gilfoyle and his lady Satanist are back from the airport.
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Can you imagine what kind of shit-show this one's gonna be?
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He says that she has an Amy Winehouse vibe.
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What does that mean? All tatted-up and nowhere to go?
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- Hooked on OxyContin? - Decomposing?
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Oh. Oh, okay, that was dark.
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Gentlemen, this is Tara.
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- Hey. - Tara, this is the fellas.
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Jared, Dinesh, Erlich and Richard.
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- It's Erlich. - Oh, it's great to finally meet you guys.
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Hi.
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All right.
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Hmm.
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Jesus, where did he get Amy Winehouse from?
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I mean, I'd have sex with that if you hose the Gilfoyle off of her.
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It's weird having a girl in the house. There's a very strange energy.
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Hmm.
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Hello... Kevin.
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Okay, Richard, I just need you to approve Kevin's fee.
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I got Erlich to sign and you just sign right there.
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$20,000 for two days.
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You know who else thought my price was too high?
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- BitRaptor. - Who?
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Exactly.
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Great. Peter Gregory is on his way out of town so I'm gonna hustle out there
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and get him to co-sign these
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and the check, and I'll be back as soon as I can.
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- Well, go. - Thank you.
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You okay over there? You have any questions...
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Yeah, one question.
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Cool. Shoot.
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Why do you keep your lips pressed so tight together
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when you're not talking?
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'Cause they're like white.
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It looks uncomfortable.
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Hey, guys.
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Hey, Kevin, um,
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so how did you bypass Bank of America's network security?
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I want details.
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My lawyers told me I'm not allowed to discuss it.
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Totally get it. That's baller.
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- Hey, babe? You're up. - Hmm.
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- All right, I'm gonna go have a shower. Mmm-hmm.
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- Uh, what was that? - What?
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Tara just whispered something to you and then she looked at me in a weird way.
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No, she didn't.
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Yeah, she did.
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What's up?
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Do you know what compression is?
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It's when someone takes pleasure in seeing their loved one gratified
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by another person.
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Sexually. It's the opposite of jealousy.
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It sounds like it's the opposite of normal. Why are you telling me about this thing?
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As shocking as this is...
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Tara is attracted to you.
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Come again?
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Yeah, freaked me out, too, at first.
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I don't like the "at first" part at all.
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What are you saying?
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Since I abide by the maxim,
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"Do what thou wilt, that is the whole of the law,"
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if you want to fuck my girlfriend, I'm okay with it.
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Jesus Christ, man, I could barely stand next to you when you're in your towel.
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I don't want to have a threesome with you.
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I'm not talking about a threesome.
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Listen, I don't even have to be in the room, unless that's better for you.
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Okay, no, I don't...
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Right, so we're all settled then?
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- Yep. - Do you need parking validation?
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No, I, uh, used Lyft.
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So I'll Lyft it back.
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Why don't I have Peter's car take you home?
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He's not using it, we're shipping off to Arallon tomorrow.
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- Arallon? - Yeah, the island Peter's building.
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What's the... The red line?
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That's the International Date Line.
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The island's built right on it
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so the western half can celebrate the first New Year's on Earth,
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then the next day, they walk over to the eastern half
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and celebrate the last New Year's on Earth.
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But if you can walk, why does he need the car on the island?
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Peter's not really big on walking.
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So I'll just have the guys pull it up front for you.
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Great.
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Driverless car.
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Select destination.
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Hi, um... I'm going to 5230
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Newell Road, Palo Alto...
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- Route guidance calibrated. - 4.6 miles.
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Buckle up, please.
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Okay.
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Enjoy your ride.
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You'?
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Tara wants to have sex with you? You sure?
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Yeah, Gilfoyle just told me, to my face.
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He told you that Tara wants to copulate with someone else in the house
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other than him and that someone is you, Dinesh?
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Yeah, that's...
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You know, you seem confused by this but for a different reason than I am.
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Don't you think it's weird that Tara wants some strange
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and she chooses you over me,
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the logical person in the house?
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Okay, I see where we are ending up on this. Thank you for your time.
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Wait, are you sure that she didn't ask Gilfoyle
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for a Danish and maybe you misheard her?
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You're probably right, she just wanted to fuck a Danish.
11f6a140-0c8b-46d7-b262-fad600793581.gif
Wait, you just built all the indexes on the fly?
2b947f8f-3b1f-448f-bb71-dc9e874be9f6.gif
Yeah, of course.
444aa7f4-dad3-4277-8db3-03b34273427d.gif
Okay, well... Well, then what's that?
5b8ac75c-30ef-480e-97d5-a96e285daa18.gif
The key value store.
07deaf15-02b3-4d70-ae20-bd8d3b8f6429.gif
Tuples.
3914015d-73a4-4670-9313-29f655f158cb.gif
Speak English?
e6602ce0-0bfc-438e-bc53-e6e7107e3f91.gif
You're kind of doing that lip thing again there, buddy.
9dde871f-59e3-4b43-bdf1-e8adcab44a3d.gif
No, I'm not.
43e1ef06-873e-4434-8750-1ef131996f78.gif
Stop looking at my lips.
3612a6df-d270-4dc7-a108-c1f60dc757c0.gif
Destination override. New destination.
66ba87ab-85c2-4ebf-9181-3db30b07c855.gif
1 Gregory Drive. Arallon.
794f04d7-2b10-456e-a3cb-73282b46d627.gif
4,126 miles.
113764c6-2658-4c5f-94dd-462322acdba2.gif
Enjoy your ride.
0775c017-beab-4e19-822b-035e315c347a.gif
Um, what's happening?
8dac59a3-b401-4fd1-97ec-05d8c866f3f5.gif
Uh...
fd146dba-3520-4548-a3fb-512264e48402.gif
I'm sorry, what... Mr. Car?
93060aa7-f6d6-4597-86b7-b77d0f083050.gif
Hey. Tara and I are going to a Satanic baptism.
d3f0c224-1d9c-4b82-9e8e-25693e688e04.gif
You wanna come?
fae6cdb9-3de5-440e-8c2f-2d146571c6e2.gif
Stu Burns decided to walk the left-hand path with us.
66b759c3-5b90-4266-9ec7-4ee4039f0b86.gif
The database administrator for Yahoo is becoming a Satanist?
04599f0f-f418-450a-8ff4-0f4e96834493.gif
We're everywhere.
a490a741-116a-4549-86ac-cb1e00d4e3b0.gif
Hey, Erlich, are you coming? Dinesh is.
eae3ab65-c5d9-4ae1-8ef9-79131f7f4363.gif
He is?
f5370d80-f8db-4ea2-908a-05137bb9c894.gif
This is Monica.
2e1cd395-c3d0-4501-8eb2-2da042e9c8f2.gif
Hi, Monica, it's Jared. Uh, quick question...
74f4deb2-a5c2-403f-b384-5038c59ceae5.gif
Jared, I can't talk right now.
ce862bc9-4932-472e-800b-4316db4e6957.gif
One of our assistants has been confusing the eastern,
f007215d-7fe2-4377-82a4-41f677975035.gif
western time zones of Arallon on work orders.
334b6259-ccb7-458b-b3fd-9dabf829557c.gif
Now a bunch of important things are happening a day early.
2113fb82-a095-4699-b2b0-38187c595c11.gif
Peter is going to be furious when he finds out.
f41e8051-4256-4196-a941-35895fd6e747.gif
He's going to make that noise.
1cc2e6a5-1033-4b5a-af12-9e6f03c1325a.gif
Oh, shit, that's him on the other line. I've gotta go.
0f71918e-249d-4344-a650-aaa62e709ad9.gif
Oh, wait, Monica, I just...
148b0345-3fed-4d71-954e-39355c69229c.gif
Hi, Peter.
fcd3d4bf-a0ec-4f66-a64a-f8add4708f92.gif
Hello, Monica?
9f74277b-91cc-4195-8fcb-b3007e1ee4e8.gif
Um, car? Mr. Car?
544caa35-0d29-462e-bed0-604d477d65b5.gif
Uh, excuse me.
5b8b09ef-486e-4880-b80f-77ac1ededee7.gif
Arallon is an island, so how are we, um...
fc9c0336-0b9f-4e02-b908-b2c55a560d7c.gif
Oh, no, no! No, no, no, no.
e41461d1-8ba5-4faa-b1c8-3c0d2e0f96be.gif
Stop. Let me out.
f32e3c7f-e230-45fc-b547-a455538fb55c.gif
Um...
821a2141-2ce4-42c8-ae66-d5efc44f5a81.gif
Mmm. Um...
bb327b4f-5a46-4b42-b5a6-9507367e0e98.gif
Uh, that's not good.
0753ac9c-2170-4c62-918c-3cb271656835.gif
Oh, no! No!
275f7fe5-6003-4c6a-822b-b4a07df38941.gif
Excuse me, please!
66742341-f9af-46bc-99d3-33f37ed451a7.gif
Please honk. Please honk.
afe0638a-5cd1-4547-a384-bac816e35d56.gif
No, no, no, no. No, no, no.
3cd2a0e5-a6a9-4086-aea3-f0241ebf9d3f.gif
No, no. Please. Please.
2e584cf1-5e84-42bf-824a-fd7ef857b1ab.gif
Oh, no, that's not good.
92c2909f-cf39-40d9-81df-2160be4b5456.gif
Okay, Donald, stay calm.
fbda0d74-3094-4e93-83dd-cad5dd737bf3.gif
103 hours to destination. Entering sleep mode.
329ab52b-5b62-4edc-8315-784efe93e40c.gif
- What? No! - Enjoy your ride.
6864700a-0234-4477-b525-cd8fbceb69a4.gif
Okay, stay calm. Stay calm.
210bf738-b438-43a3-8fba-dca14d9c771c.gif
Wait, my phone.
9b2e7e72-cbaf-47e8-a62b-47973659f081.gif
No bars. No bars. No bars. No bars.
cc941035-c355-4341-98a0-1ba5c41dae84.gif
"We bring thy garden, o mighty Lucifer,"
3d03b9f7-1a2e-43a8-a4c8-bf5d34d83b10.gif
"the fragrances which abound therein, vapors of..."
8415e490-67f4-4f7e-bd58-625cca9940b9.gif
What the fuck are we doing here?
fc075b83-f4db-4d17-9eeb-7aa6be381894.gif
Look at these fucking people.
f92a0423-66e8-42a2-beae-bad9a646398c.gif
"...through this, the black flame of Satan thou walkest in Hell.
9f91f548-0234-4a43-ade8-9a58bc682a6a.gif
"The gates are flung wide
aeb5fbe5-86dd-4878-ac21-d5fc4d62f39b.gif
"and thy passage is heralded by the deathless cries
7d04ebde-5961-40e1-a0c7-5a4a9ccb8eea.gif
"of his guardian beasts.
4afe06e7-84a4-42b7-9b85-ecb4843fa201.gif
"Breathe of his breath, o brother of the night
6e9ed40a-e6b5-4091-b0c8-c8244458a2d8.gif
"and nourish his waning brain.
c58f40f1-8838-427c-8a0b-3638c0a8d84b.gif
- "From the despair..." - I just figured it out.
526d9d47-3777-49bd-81b8-cdcbf3eb4d5a.gif
It all makes sense.
a4cab7db-bd4f-4e8b-9cd9-033955a28e59.gif
Figured what out?
cf65a925-1b6d-44b3-923c-48871975fd5c.gif
Why Tara might be into you more than me.
d1f2c5b0-5005-4ea5-a659-426bfc35ee2a.gif
She's attracted to ugliness.
4d5a7e4e-36bb-4bab-a9b5-880ea78319ea.gif
- On, fuck you. - No, think about it.
37a2f09a-9c19-4923-ba71-e720f1c577f2.gif
This is the life that she chooses, right? She's attracted to unattractiveness.
3453d576-5d93-4814-a091-80c9a05283e0.gif
Look at all these ugly people and Gilfoyle and now you.
ee43c623-7c35-44d7-9c4d-b5fe60897262.gif
That's ridiculous. I'm way more attractive than you are.
73fdad2d-7097-4d81-93b4-33464866dcac.gif
- No, you're not. - Way better looking.
f2bdd51f-d103-4504-8692-54e594fa036a.gif
By no metric could you possibly be considered more attractive than me.
14e1ecc4-1cc2-49e0-a6d3-87105aafb9ae.gif
You're saying that every woman in the entire world
7814e632-f46a-4f16-b6e1-ae6234574fc1.gif
would think you're more attractive than I am?
be776176-ce1d-4267-8553-7d6765f86261.gif
- Yes. Unless they're completely fucked up. - That's fuck...
cb16c63f-a396-4a01-9ad8-0e3459742254.gif
Damn it.
94ceb092-4c57-488d-bbb3-7bc635f7d375.gif
You doing okay there?
d9bd1975-f546-424d-8522-fc284cc20d62.gif
Yep, yeah.
25365ab3-6dc3-4636-bb5c-3b96139b789a.gif
Fine, just, you know,
dbb3e8bb-1d94-4904-bc11-1e8a53d66230.gif
it's big orchestration stuff, a lot of moving parts.
b73fb908-f82f-47e1-b2e3-649ac30b014b.gif
Nothing you need to worry about. You just focus on the cloud.
a6d600b4-236c-40aa-b3ac-20b27196235a.gif
I'm here if you need me.
1c211283-8717-42bf-93a5-bb0cbe6bfe89.gif
You know what? Uh...
2e005766-8d43-4536-94c8-a23caa257274.gif
I know it's not what we hired you for,
851fa07b-10dc-49be-9ab1-f7dd21468f07.gif
but I am actually having a little trouble
b82af080-4526-452b-a022-23d65f7cce40.gif
with the data replication in the persistence layer.
3b82d639-8f69-45b1-b63e-58861de7ca68.gif
Move over.
c29fdeb3-7620-4cd3-b7b2-caaad98b9fbe.gif
Uh-huh.
4014bb9a-495c-493b-8c41-7db45e7c619c.gif
Oh, Christ.
b0058fbf-f907-4f91-a2e9-47ad05dd7a6d.gif
- I'm much more handsome than you are. - No, my face is completely symmetrical.
ff30fb72-b33f-4b01-842e-54f03ccc85d1.gif
You know what my nickname was when I was a kid?
fafd241f-56f7-4427-8c4f-b778c6e3044f.gif
- What? - Pakistani Denzel.
345da132-82ef-4f74-8fc7-59852c4f95e2.gif
You look nothing like him.
b28b1248-f18d-462b-a80a-00cdeaa4b545.gif
Denzel Washington has a beautiful smile.
4fb22c37-c5ce-414c-9961-5595c2d6948a.gif
You look ridiculous.
8e4f50bc-4bc5-46e9-b64c-60798088fd39.gif
Hail Satan, it is done.
be3d5585-8559-471c-9e6e-8eb93a194426.gif
- Hail Satan. - Hail Satan, it is...
2122bfc9-a6bb-4e16-b91e-ad8f8dfe4ac4.gif
It's done.
b83d3ddf-8421-4a93-8bf6-e4065a18f7a9.gif
Well, thanks for coming, everyone.
9bb73189-7528-4b7e-99e2-69e262154635.gif
Brother Jason was kind enough to furnish this week's food.
fcab4ae5-4880-40ea-9a97-9734032852de.gif
It's Chick-fil-A.
16380613-28d6-4a39-902a-9bfcfe6151be.gif
I know, they're on the Christian right,
fa0c9af1-c787-4588-bde5-03b3d044e1ed.gif
but darned if that chicken isn't good.
14fe127a-e89d-4069-9e8e-caa5600caae2.gif
- I think the Dark Lord would understand.
a468a6d3-5559-4b84-ad05-535a4d484d0e.gif
Also... Ugh. A reminder.
bdfb619c-f908-40c3-95ee-7fccba59a30d.gif
If you parked in the Sav-On parking lot,
d13d1c93-1852-44ce-a015-0d6ab25bf2c9.gif
they do tow.
341ee0e3-be75-4f0c-8ca6-7589ebee65fe.gif
Well, I didn't know if you wanted original Oreos or Double Stuf
02428a53-3093-4453-b0aa-3d4160485957.gif
so I went a little nutty and I got both.
0e13bdcb-0084-48b3-a027-d8d3391a2dab.gif
How's it, um...
89a7713a-ab32-4195-9f82-1b56966ca703.gif
Fuck. Fuck.
c586b7f1-c0e9-43c7-8e87-1501367ed13a.gif
- Kevin?
1ffb8541-792b-47b7-b631-98a42c68e1b8.gif
Hello?
8321ac2b-a665-4aea-b188-86eb4d1009ce.gif
Fuck.
7081a957-24be-4689-99b4-cf357238f5da.gif
What are you doing down here?
8c548d8f-7993-4b35-83aa-c7241b86c32a.gif
I did it again, I did it again.
41c9f7b1-bdc6-4a28-ab05-8dd7ccd5c26e.gif
- Did what? - I did it again.
868b5f92-f3a3-407d-bd39-19188fa8421c.gif
No.
1f6129ab-dbf6-41dd-8a56-33dcae9a64a5.gif
What is this?
23ac670b-810c-4808-89e0-01fa54fb55da.gif
Did you overwrite the data schema?
31f4b33d-99a0-406c-a32c-0c53f8619ffa.gif
Why would you do this? You don't ever do this!
2dd8abb3-8f4e-40a8-85ba-9743aaea9106.gif
That's exactly what they said when I was working at BofA.
ceca858e-a7e6-4a7a-9764-9dfbd5e0d2a3.gif
Working at BofA? I thought you hacked in.
79ee35ec-ee11-4ee5-9d9f-e9a5ffd48399.gif
No.
bc21b138-c0da-4e67-8607-09ff069e7439.gif
I was a consultant at the retail banking services.
11174311-9b44-44c0-9632-c456ca99e69d.gif
I crashed their entire system.
6564ac3f-cd69-48c6-956a-f1c510e1446e.gif
It took a team of seven engineers more than a week
26ea362d-eaec-404e-b179-aad8bd51c423.gif
to comb through all the code and find my mistake.
e6f385b7-06ce-4c69-82d9-b94163efe1ac.gif
And the only way that I ever avoided being sued
eb520377-77e8-4bd4-88da-00029ddf4759.gif
was by agreeing to never tell anyone that I worked there.
3a027c78-150f-481a-85a5-7fc5ddd69a2a.gif
Oh, fuck.
0fb9f30a-12ca-42c0-adc0-23d1b6b2f9ed.gif
Oh, fuck, what?
6e5a2b5e-bc7d-4988-b9e0-67577c86856c.gif
I just told you. Now I could get in trouble.
b28f1582-35b3-45b9-8f65-8d33070d42e4.gif
Trouble?
4bf36c96-16e3-41e2-936c-9ccd1c536d02.gif
You just skull-fucked my whole system.
172754c7-73e6-4200-938e-5e93bda84af1.gif
I am going to punch you in the fucking...
781de186-c713-4132-a8ff-c6f9ef2d1c99.gif
We don't like sacrifice goats or anything.
f4160200-3cab-4d0a-b80e-258efbdab62d.gif
We're not like the Order of the Golden Dawners, you know.
0d323517-0562-4ea4-8464-96d6bf69e85d.gif
Yeah.
847a6b02-b47a-46b6-a979-427be6463965.gif
Richard, are you okay?
fd5abf1d-7c39-4064-bbaa-52873d08b969.gif
Um... Mmm...
3dd64103-2eb4-4bd9-82ab-f990a70ea6d2.gif
Dinesh, uh, we may have a slight problem.
5c9789a8-7e12-4d53-93af-ffd0a510d367.gif
The Carver just carved up our entire platform.
f0330bcb-df16-4def-99c4-c387003135fb.gif
What the fuck?
5cf178d1-3aa3-4c86-a069-522408d1bacf.gif
Yeah, the database layers, the application layers,
f6f50827-e763-43c5-8df5-52cca76855bd.gif
even the chef scripts are fucked.
74090765-fa4e-45c9-ae9c-513a40203c08.gif
The little fucker must have hacked into the DDL tables like he did with BofA.
b7d97703-7397-43e5-bc0d-6fe2ec754039.gif
He didn't hack into BofA. He was consulting there at the time,
988daf43-01f1-4878-b32f-c2d3ec980cca.gif
when he took down the system by accident.
aee50130-0815-4212-852b-5ff1e4bafd1e.gif
- Oh, you told them too? - What the fuck?
89ae4591-f12c-4ee5-88de-f6b3e978e2ff.gif
Richard, why would you let that little fetus access the DDL?
e8393885-fb11-433e-90c9-fb71ab391dc4.gif
Because I thought that fetus was better than me
fc727fba-aca9-4a64-b862-49413eeb7031.gif
and so did you and everybody
8729b8bb-4714-42dc-b3ad-030758e47f18.gif
and you just, you pressured me into hiring him...
92a81789-190e-49b4-8d4e-50adabc21688.gif
Yes, Richard, for the cloud, to deploy the cloud.
f8370550-283e-4ff2-b4d9-b42d4f7010b0.gif
So that you could do what you do best
17380c1c-436b-4016-aa93-eead1b3ef65c.gif
and concentrate on everything else which the fetus just fucked up.
ffd9458e-7fa5-4d01-80ba-9cc1a999950e.gif
You need to drag this little shit stain...
b0c8746e-d0e8-45ea-ae00-fd56a993a300.gif
You hear that?
f0c95c5e-7d2e-4925-bf98-84167a165be9.gif
Out from under this table and have him go through
c74541c7-2eb1-4ffd-8315-897dfe4bbbd2.gif
every single line of code with you
b9024092-2596-442c-a67a-b99f52d03fd9.gif
to unfuck it while it's still unfuckable.
514d49cb-10a1-4255-8545-46c855fc9681.gif
I should not have eaten all of that Satanist chicken.
124a1a95-2c66-474f-8256-81029479017d.gif
Okay, and with this one here, did you delete it
c1dcadd6-e96b-47f5-8cda-8fae8b570b94.gif
or just move it?
aa5a3352-532b-4f1a-b2bd-68adb2c60079.gif
Hello? Kevin.
eb8ca59f-cbf2-41a3-aeb3-db9b9578baed.gif
Maybe. I don't know.
47bfbfa4-af7b-4c9e-96e1-2e5ab49128f9.gif
What? What does that mean? What's wrong with you, man?
32f32aac-e453-4a59-9976-c024819860cc.gif
I can't focus. I'm out of Adderall.
201008fd-4335-4ec8-aeb0-ac030ee14576.gif
Where's that Jared guy? He was getting my refill.
8bdd8831-5640-4073-90e6-e98d81c81ff5.gif
That's actually a really good question.
18abc882-5208-4169-b1c8-3becdc8f6ae6.gif
I don't know where he is.
df62c7a3-b57d-45ab-b4c0-a976ec93f442.gif
The Carver's Adderall prescription. I hope that's not a problem.
f3c514ad-4a09-4aea-bda5-65f672e70e0b.gif
Dead battery.
a0320192-59ef-4d64-af9f-05766ec783bb.gif
That's a problem.
4de13c53-b5df-4eb4-907c-dfd7d7c848ee.gif
I need to lay down.
0b7672cd-ac3d-4fbb-a6c5-9a1167efdfa2.gif
What? No!
fcff731c-3b77-4fb9-bf58-c7b59e91f568.gif
You said you could code for 48 hours straight.
761a1361-cca7-4c8c-aca4-3338d69241a3.gif
That's like your thing.
f2f07f63-ac0f-458c-a3ba-e45a154c1168.gif
Yeah, how the fuck do you think I do that? Adderall.
546d3bd0-3313-45d8-b00b-39b35c55a934.gif
Well, we don't have any.
253725cf-80c2-4d05-9386-1283e0ad93c3.gif
It's really bright in here.
9fd24c6c-2bfe-4a49-9bbe-4df6300d9b51.gif
Who takes Adderall anymore?
2f8a2d51-598d-4b57-8087-c14724528174.gif
Half the kids in Palo Alto.
76e357d1-d662-490f-8e23-85a212b09f9c.gif
Hey-
f2b82560-d880-414d-8b4a-c893d456f300.gif
Any of you guys currently on Adderall
3a2dd5ce-f309-4fdc-ae4f-7cfb26a61a52.gif
and, uh, you know, want to make $50?
8f79da47-6b6a-46a8-9f77-1ac0dc24b8db.gif
Oh, boy.
a008e988-40c3-491d-a475-f49e30d4e4ff.gif
What do you mean, it's not Adderall? It's Adderall!
25e4359d-5909-4637-b2a8-ae648fa918c7.gif
I know what Adderall looks like. It's not Adderall.
8714ed9d-6764-4078-a4f1-1a5a2fe0709e.gif
Uh...
bb8b033a-79cf-4120-a966-5853a2a635eb.gif
Excuse me. Caleb?
78c396d1-8122-400f-bda8-8eb505871eb5.gif
There's been some kind of mistake.
f10f69de-5b0b-4453-987d-33382121b179.gif
What you sold me was not actually Adderall.
54d8a303-0717-40e2-b8a2-bab4bd1bb9ed.gif
So maybe we could...
f8c7362a-060f-4bd4-bc25-d34f1752681a.gif
Do you think you could get me some real Adderall?
aadfac9e-b920-431b-af4b-f66286b6743a.gif
Yeah, yeah, of course.
44dbc8b2-829f-4633-8f26-e404f262914d.gif
Um...
6a2b1f6b-fd35-45db-9cc2-c70e3127af00.gif
I could do that or, um...
56307922-b429-4a68-ac48-f457f0f55c7f.gif
I can give you some of this.
5ad6a554-4869-4314-a8e8-631dabc67f87.gif
Ow!
5769e756-5929-4a70-b9f8-cafe345f06fe.gif
Okay, I'm gonna...
9321b6c4-9c74-4fde-990e-fbb2b65674c9.gif
You're gonna do what, bitch? Call the cops on me?
3d75b38f-c63a-4cb6-9cc0-ba6e21394048.gif
Tell them you got the wrong illegal drugs from a kid?
68fa2ac4-13f3-4c0d-be59-6b75ca042dfe.gif
You dumb piece of shit. Get the fuck out of here.
1f8882b4-1cf9-4b2a-a591-c58654f2606b.gif
- Uh, you... - Run!
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- All right, I'm running. - Keep running!
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Stupid...
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Richard, what's wrong?
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Have you been crying?
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Hey! Which one was it?
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It was Church Candy, wasn't it?
82a9fcf8-c080-44e0-8491-3598261963e6.gif
You just brought piss to a shit fight, you little cunt!
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Ow!
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No, no, no!
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Now you get in your fucking house and you get me five Adderall
238a5600-dbf0-4c3f-8717-e98780f7a105.gif
or I'll slit your fucking throat! You understand?
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I'll kill your mother! I'll rape your father!
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I'll curb-stomp that little face so hard
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that your teeth will go flying, you little shit!
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Now go! Go! Go! Go!
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- Get me five Adderall, right now! - Okay! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
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- Hi. - Tara.
d4ef04e5-b6a4-4d99-bca1-6702479492e2.gif
- Hello. - Hi.
fbc26c0b-2def-4cb6-92b5-c401eb2250b6.gif
First of all...
cb9c00d9-8754-4794-9bf8-7040730f2a10.gif
So, um...
ad983604-097c-42e3-9f6e-10bc3b03a700.gif
I have thought about it. A lot.
5810d9a3-56e3-4252-b670-7724305c5729.gif
To be honest, elements of this arrangement still trouble me.
5b5278ae-894e-4c64-bcdf-3348c1f5e423.gif
However, I have not had a lot of sexual experiences.
e62ace6d-ac78-4b55-8de5-822c1d3eaeb7.gif
So I feel it may be foolish to turn this down.
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So as long as Gilfoyle is not in the room
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and I can verify that the door is locked
8d10b948-a200-4408-9cdf-a44561731e14.gif
then I have concluded that,
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yes,
e314917c-0495-456f-bab3-883bbf2b5439.gif
I would love to have sexual relations with you,
74885a4e-6bdd-492e-bf4a-4aa1e2d718d8.gif
Tara.
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Yeah.
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Uh, what are you talking about?
e9859796-a612-4703-9704-63ed07387f09.gif
Gilfoyle told me.
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I know you want to have sex with me.
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Gilfoyle?
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Would you come in here for a second?
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Um...
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Um...
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Did you tell Dinesh that I want to have sex with him?
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No.
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Oh, wait, yeah, I totally did. I forgot about that.
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I was really high. I was just fucking with him.
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Did he believe me?
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Uh...
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Did you just present yourself to my woman?
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Uh...
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Oh, this is outstanding.
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Oh, my God, that is so mean of you!
f5f39e01-a6fe-4375-bb3d-0deb7f027c20.gif
Look at how cute he is.
ba258c6e-b384-423b-8819-ee38d49ceba9.gif
He's adorable. You're adorable.
e589b308-a9dd-43aa-b381-10bef8173216.gif
Don't call me... It's very emasculating.
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What kind of fucking idiot listens to what Gilfoyle has to say?
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Okay, Tara, here's what it is.
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If you can tell me to my face
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that you seriously find Dinesh more attractive than me,
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then and only then will I concede defeat.
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What?
0abecf2e-5aff-40b3-aaf6-76a3d570809a.gif
And our regression test is...
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Done.
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Yes. It's clear, we all test out.
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- The system's stable again. - Thank God.
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Now we can move on to the next module and I can forget you ever existed.
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Can you do me a favor?
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Don't tell anyone I cratered this bad.
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I won't tell anyone I hired you if you won't tell anyone you worked here.
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Oh, the BofA deal. Got it.
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Well, I'm gonna call my mom and have her pick me up.
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Your mom?
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Oh, by the way, you owe me $20,000.
728284b7-252a-4984-838e-f5b3d202e892.gif
What a dick.
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You have to talk to Jared about that.
efd7d71f-e466-4fc0-aaed-3e77989308a7.gif
Where is Jared?
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Excuse me. Can you help me?
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Obstacle averted. Resuming operations.
a73d5361-7182-4e10-b082-473f815917b3.gif
Please be careful.
462f018b-d10a-4636-aa9e-4569ec79fbf7.gif
- Please be careful. - Please be careful.
e4e62fd2-dbfe-4ee3-ab31-0695c105da58.gif
Okay.