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Home » Silicon Valley » S01E07 — Proof of Concept

Silicon Valley

Season 1, Episode 7 — Proof of Concept

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Silicon Valley

Episode title: Proof of Concept

Air date: May 18, 2014

Director: Mike Judge

Top billed cast: Thomas Middleditch, T.J. Miller, Zach Woods, Kumail Nanjiani, Martin Starr, Amanda Crew

At TechCrunch Disrupt, Richard feels the pressure to finish his demo, but finds himself distracted by a girl he dated briefly, who’s now spreading rumors about him. Jared worries that Monica is taking his place in the company. Dinesh develops a crush on a girl at a neighboring booth. Erlich’s scandalous past connection to one of the judges threatens Pied Piper’s chances.

Source: TMDB

↓

The core compression algorithm is optimal.

algorithm core

↓

All the test cases ran optimal.

cases test

↓

The Weissman Score is optimal. Looks like Nucleus is optimal.

score

↓

Good. Good.

↓

Congratulations, guys.

congratulations

↓

- Oh, yeah. - A dunk.

dunk

↓

Richard, the ingestion engine is ready for testing. Have you seen Richard?

engine ready richard seen testing

↓

He's in there, having a little trouble with his personal ingestion engine.

engine having personal trouble

↓

Still? It's been an hour. He's gotta get this done.

hour

↓

Oh, he's got his laptop in there, on top of his lap.

laptop

↓

Hey, Richard.

richard

↓

Don't talk to me while I'm in the bathroom please.

bathroom

↓

Well, snap it off, we gotta go.

snap

↓

I know. Just don't talk to me while I'm in here.

↓

It's weird.

weird

↓

Oh, my God. Jared's been back from that island

island

↓

for a whole day and he didn't get any toilet paper?

paper toilet toilet-paper whole

↓

Are you serious? ls Jared out there?

jared serious

↓

I thought you didn't want me to talk to you

↓

while you were in the bathroom. Make up your mind.

bathroom mind

↓

You know what? Just get away from the door, please.

door

↓

Friday, the pool cleaner comes.

cleaner comes friday pool

↓

- Do you understand? - Yes.

↓

And tomorrow is trash day so make sure all the cans are out front.

cans front tomorrow trash

↓

Yes.

↓

Now, you are under no circumstances to order any movie on demand,

circumstances demand movie order

↓

adult or otherwise.

adult otherwise

↓

Yes.

↓

Okay, has anything that I've just said confused you?

confused

↓

- Yes. - God damn it!

↓

Jesus, Cher. Are you bringing your whole closet?

bringing closet jesus whole

↓

I'm a pro, Dinesh. I won't apologize for it.

apologize

↓

I dress according to the moods that I sense in the room.

according dress moods room sense

↓

As such, I must have options.

must options

↓

We all packed and ready to go?

packed ready

↓

We can take my car but gas is on the company.

company

↓

Hello? Did everyone leave?

↓

No.

↓

What? Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...

whoa

↓

I don't know how you read your screen in the car.

read screen

↓

It makes me sick as a dog.

makes sick

↓

I'm okay as long as I don't think about it.

↓

Besides, the presentation is tomorrow.

besides presentation tomorrow

↓

So if you just don't think about it, it really doesn't bother you

bother

↓

to be staring at the screen when the car's moving

cars moving screen staring

↓

- and turning and you're all queasy... - Oh, God!

turning

↓

Gilfoyle.

↓

See, I knew it bothered you. Fucking liar.

bothered fucking liar

↓

So I'm a little behind, being stuck on that island for four days,

behind days four four-days island stuck

↓

but I think I'm on top of everything.

↓

Okay, uh, give me your IDs and I'll go register us...

register

↓

There you are. Got your credentials and wristbands

↓

for the walk through at 4:00 today.

today walk

↓

Uh, walk through?

walk

↓

Yeah, basically, it's a sound check for the competition.

check competition sound

↓

Uh, yeah, we didn't know about that.

↓

Did I not tell you about the walk through?

walk

↓

I am so sorry.

↓

Uh, that's why I'm here. Peter's on safari

peters

↓

with Lorne Michaels and Kanye West until next week

kanye kanye-west week west

↓

so, I can put all of my attention on you guys for once.

attention

↓

I am so sorry. I thought that I talked to you guys about the walk...

talked walk

↓

Gentlemen, welcome to the big show.

gentlemen welcome

↓

TechCrunch motherfucking Disrupt.

motherfucking

↓

Okay, guys, this place is a vortex of distraction.

distraction place

↓

Normally the tech world is 2% women.

normally tech women world

↓

Guys, these next three days, 15%.

days three three-days

↓

It's a goddamn meat market.

goddamn market meat

↓

I need you to focus.

focus

↓

How we do here is the entire future of your company.

company entire future

↓

Don't screw it all up now.

screw

↓

We have to knock them dead in the preliminaries tomorrow

dead knock tomorrow

↓

so we can move on to the finals on Friday.

finals friday

↓

I have a question. The program says that Dan Melcher is judging our round.

judging program question round

↓

Is there any way to get him removed?

removed

↓

Not unless there's a conflict of interest.

conflict interest

↓

Well, there may be. I did have sexual intercourse with his wife.

sexual wife

↓

What? It was three years ago.

three three-years years

↓

So one of the guys judging us wants to fucking kill you?

fucking fucking-kill judging kill wants

↓

Maybe. I don't know if he found out.

found

↓

Either way, Richard, you may have to present instead of me so be prepared.

prepared present richard

↓

What, me? Present? No.

present

↓

We may be fine. We may be totally fine.

↓

We also may be totally fucked.

fucked

↓

I'll let you know either way.

↓

I'm gonna go network. Don't approach me.

approach network

↓

I don't want to present. Besides, I'm not even done with the demo.

besides demo present

↓

Okay, Richard, you need to go to the hotel right now and finish.

finish hotel richard

↓

- You already checked us into the hotel? - Yeah. Yeah.

checked hotel

↓

Okay, uh, I'm gonna do this module by module.

↓

Dinesh, you built the edge video player so I'm gonna start with you first, okay?

built edge player start video

↓

Okay, you guys set up the booth, okay?

booth

↓

Um, I think it's this way.

↓

You think?

↓

A few flyers, that's all we have?

flyers

↓

Yeah, I think it is.

↓

Hello, what's your name?

name

↓

Visit us at microdrone.com...

visit

↓

Oh, wow, Microdrone. They just closed $17 million in seed funding.

closed funding million seed

↓

Hi. Hello. Excuse me.

excuse

↓

Pied Piper? You guys are competing in the Startup Battlefield, right?

battlefield competing piper

↓

Everyone has been talking about your compression rate.

rate

↓

I mean, it is supposed to be sick.

sick supposed

↓

Yeah.

↓

Anyway, you must be great with Java

java must

↓

and I just cannot seem to figure out this stupid bug. Do you mind?

cannot figure mind stupid

↓

I'll be back.

↓

Thank you.

↓

If we integrate one module every two hours we should be in great shape...

hours shape

↓

Richard, follow me. Follow me. Follow me.

follow richard

↓

- All right. See you at the hotel. - See you.

hotel

↓

Very soon, I hope.

hope

↓

Hey, man. Just wanted to say good luck.

luck wanted

↓

Okay, thanks. But what's with all the...

thanks

↓

Sorry. I just can't be seen talking to you, you know?

seen

↓

Hooli people all over the place.

place

↓

I don't know, man, I'm just really into this whole rest and vest life, you know,

life rest vest whole

↓

- way more than I thought I would be. - Mmm.

↓

I just don't want to rock the boat.

boat rock

↓

Oh, hey, did I tell you? I'm getting a boat.

boat

↓

- Wow. - And a boat guy to take care of it.

boat care

↓

You have to have a boat guy.

boat

↓

Wow, yeah, you've gotta have a boat guy...

boat

↓

If you have a boat.

boat

↓

Hey, um, you know that girl, right?

girl

↓

Sherry, I think her name was. She said you guys went to school together.

name school

↓

Uh, okay, yeah.

↓

I saw her at the Valleywag party last night,

night party

↓

which was crazy, by the way. Dude, there must've been like 12 girls there.

crazy girls mustve

↓

- Holy shit. - Nuts.

holy nuts

↓

Anyway, um, she said you guys went out a couple times

couple couple-times times

↓

and then, uh, she dumped you and you became obsessed with her?

became dumped obsessed

↓

What? What? She said I was obsessed?

obsessed

↓

She said obsessed.

obsessed

↓

Uh, that's bullshit, 'cause I think we went out two times.

bullshit times

↓

Eh, it was nothing. So, how could I be obsessed? That's...

obsessed

↓

No, you're going down! Nucleus is gonna crush Wide Diaper.

crush diaper wide

↓

You never should've said no to my man, Gavin Belson.

shouldve

↓

Okay.

↓

Seeded quite a few new companies.

companies

↓

Spinder. It's like Tinder but for spinsters.

↓

Elderly women looking for sex.

looking women

↓

There's this girl who's walking around, saying that I'm obsessed with her.

girl obsessed walking

↓

Now, that just really pisses me off.

pisses

↓

That's fascinating. Let's just forget about it, okay?

fascinating forget

↓

Yeah.

↓

I mean it's... it's just so fucked up, right?

fucked

↓

I mean, I barely remember her.

barely remember

↓

And it's just so insulting to have someone walking around spreading lies about you.

insulting lies spreading walking

↓

Right? I wonder who she's working with.

wonder working

↓

Like I wonder who she's here with because if she's telling her coworkers,

telling wonder

↓

then that's a whole 'nother group of people I gotta worry about.

group whole worry

↓

Richard, you don't have to worry about anything

richard worry

↓

- except for Pied Piper right now. - Yeah, I know.

except piper

↓

We have less than 24 hours till the preliminaries.

hours less till

↓

- No one's worrying, that's the thing. Perfect. - Perfect.

ones perfect worrying

↓

Okay, her.

↓

She used the word "obsessed," Dinesh.

obsessed used word

↓

- "Obsessed." - Richard, I don't care.

care obsessed richard

↓

Neither do I. That's the entire point.

entire point

↓

I'm just gonna check her lnstagram real quick.

check quick real real-quick

↓

Because if she's posting comments about me being obsessed...

comments obsessed posting

↓

I mean, I can't just ignore that.

ignore

↓

Would you be interested in a device that links to your smartphone

device interested links

↓

and lets you know, even before it happens, whether you're having a panic attack

attack happens having panic panic-attack whether

↓

- or a heart attack? - Yeah, yeah.

attack heart heart-attack

↓

Okay, here's how Panic-a-Tech works.

panic tech works

↓

You wear this on your finger all day and it tracks your vitals.

finger tracks vitals wear

↓

Or if that's too embarrassing, there's also a Bluetooth suppository

bluetooth embarrassing suppository

↓

and that goes right where you think it goes. And that comes with a retrieval kit.

comes retrieval

↓

Was he like, "Bro, you're my bro,"

↓

or was he like, "I wanna shoot you in the face and watch you bleed out all over the stage"

bleed face shoot stage watch

↓

"'cause you fucked my wife, you cocksuck?"

fucked wife

↓

Right in the middle. It was like...

middle

↓

Huh.

↓

What happened? How's it going at the hotel?

happened hotel

↓

Weird. He switched to meta-data extraction and now wants to see you.

data extraction switched wants weird

↓

Meta-data? Already? Makes no sense.

data makes sense

↓

He seems very distracted.

distracted seems

↓

Okay, guys, urn, since we're kind of playing from behind here

behind playing

↓

I put together a little secret weapon.

secret secret-weapon weapon

↓

I, um... I went through the entire list of conference participants

conference entire list

↓

and I found images and I found bios and I printed them out

found images printed

↓

so we have them all in one place.

place

↓

- Why did you do that? - Uh, okay.

↓

Who's this guy? Watch. He is...

watch

↓

Rick Smith, co-founder of Crosscut Ventures.

founder rick smith

↓

How did you...

↓

ID-Keen. It's this facial recognition app that Monica put on our phones.

facial keen phones recognition

↓

You just point it at anybody, tells you who they are

anybody point tells

↓

and how important they are to the conference.

conference

↓

You're not showing up at all.

showing

↓

Yeah, maybe I'm not getting a... No, I'm getting a signal.

signal

↓

Okay. Um, well...

↓

Ooh, Jared, Jared, uh, recycling's over there.

jared

↓

Hey, so what's the deal? Does the judge know or not?

deal judge

↓

I don't know, Monica. He's toying with me.

↓

Or maybe he's not. I can't fucking figure it out.

figure fucking

↓

Erlich, you need to stop this. His wife is here.

wife

↓

Grow a pair and talk to her, find out for sure.

grow pair

↓

Why don't you grow a pair and I'll talk to her?

grow pair

↓

Hmm.

↓

What?

↓

Hey-

↓

Do you happen to know Java?

happen java

↓

Are you kidding? It's like my specialty.

kidding specialty

↓

Will you help me?

↓

Oh, it would be my honor.

honor

↓

Yes?

↓

Oh, sorry. Um, I must not have the right room.

must room

↓

- I'm looking for Dan Melcher. - Yeah, that's us.

looking

↓

Oh, it is? Okay.

↓

I was looking to speak with his wife.

looking speak wife

↓

That's me. I'm, well, his new wife, we just got married.

married wife

↓

Oh, congratulations.

congratulations

↓

Uh, what happened with Madelyn?

happened madelyn

↓

- You're a friend of Dan's? - Yeah.

dans friend

↓

We've... We have a common interest...

common interest

↓

- Uh, many common interests. - Yeah.

common interests

↓

Well, she was a nightmare.

nightmare

↓

Pills, in and out of rehab.

pills rehab

↓

Had all of these disgusting affairs.

affairs disgusting

↓

You know, the divorce nearly killed Dan.

divorce killed nearly

↓

Really? Disgusting affairs.

affairs disgusting

↓

Well, I... I feel terrible.

↓

No, it's fine. He's put it behind him.

behind

↓

All Of it?

↓

- I mean, every aspect of it? - Mmm-hmm.

aspect

↓

Well, that is... That is great to hear.

↓

What if she's spreading this lie to everyone at this conference?

conference spreading

↓

I mean, honestly, Gilfoyle...

↓

Richard, stop talking about this or I have to punch you in the face.

face punch richard

↓

Fuck. it is huge.

fuck huge

↓

- Uh... "Very, very huge."

huge

↓

Check, one-two, two, tsetse fly, tsetse fly.

check

↓

Hey, how's the demo coming?

coming demo

↓

Um, we're getting there.

↓

Uh, definitely... Getting there.

↓

Gentlemen, I bring good tidings.

bring gentlemen

↓

Turns out that Melcher is divorced, remarried

divorced turns

↓

and has put the previous relationship behind him completely.

behind completely previous relationship

↓

Problem solved.

problem problem-solved solved

↓

That's great.

↓

It sure is, Richard, it sure as hell is.

richard

↓

Look at these poor fuckers. They don't even know what's about to hit 'em.

fuckers poor

↓

The hammer of God.

hammer

↓

I am so sorry! I am so sorry. I thought you guys were gonna come get me

↓

and... And I'm sorry.

↓

- Wait, Jared, what are you doing here? - What?

jared

↓

- Who's watching the booth? - Yeah.

booth watching

↓

- I thought that maybe Monica could... - Ooh.

↓

She's not in the company. We need her here. That's the thing.

company

↓

All right, everybody, uh, this run-through is for essential personnel only,

essential everybody personnel

↓

essential only.

essential

↓

Oh.

↓

- We need someone in the booth is the thing. - Right.

booth

↓

You're essential to the booth.

booth essential

↓

Right.

↓

All right, each team will have six minutes for presentation and demo,

demo minutes presentation team

↓

at which point the judges will ask a few questions...

judges point questions

↓

Uh, do you mind if I break in here, just one question.

break mind question

↓

Uh, are the judges allowed to send us through

allowed judges send

↓

to the finals immediately after we present

finals immediately present

↓

or do we have to wait until everyone else has gone?

gone

↓

Well, I'm just saying what everybody's thinking.

everybodys thinking

↓

Hello, what's your name?

name

↓

Visit us at microdrone.com to download...

download visit

↓

- Uh, excuse me, no thank you. - ...a free video of you

excuse free video

↓

- at TechCrunch Disrupt. - Uh, no thank you.

↓

Nathan. Are you Nathan Zimmerman, CEO of Flingual?

nathan

↓

I... I... Whoever's doing this, no thank you.

whoevers

↓

Yeah, I think we got a dead zone, an audio dead zone right here.

audio dead zone

↓

Listen to this.

↓

Hear that? Compared to...

compared

↓

Okay, here's what I want, as soon as the music comes up...

comes music

↓

Music?

music

↓

I want you to hit me with a spotlight, barn! And a hard spot.

barn hard spot spotlight

↓

Better yet, do you have those spotlights that...

↓

...come up from the ground,

ground

↓

like in Pride Fighting.

fighting pride

↓

I can check.

check

↓

Okay, so two of those, one on each side and then one in the center

center side

↓

so that it casts my shadow behind me, like a giant looking over his own shoulder.

behind giant looking shadow shoulder

↓

Do you have any wind machines.

machines wind

↓

I'm gonna need two of those...

↓

Are you humming to yourself?

humming

↓

Was I?

↓

Uh...

↓

You know, honestly, I may have found the perfect woman.

found perfect woman

↓

Whoa. What? Who? Who?

whoa

↓

She's in the booth right next to us, Charlotte.

booth charlotte

↓

She's not even physically my type, she has blonde hair

blonde hair physically type

↓

and these stupid pink streaks that doesn't seem to be dominant at all.

dominant pink stupid

↓

However, I think I'm in love.

love

↓

Whoa!

whoa

↓

She invited me to her room to watch Cloud Atlas later tonight.

atlas cloud invited room tonight watch

↓

Oh, yeah, that means she wants you to lay her.

wants

↓

Is that definitive?

definitive

↓

I mean, nobody can watch more than like a minute of that film.

film minute nobody watch

↓

So what's the deal? I mean, is she hot?

deal

↓

Yeah, I mean, she's attractive,

attractive

↓

but almost every woman is attractive. It was her mind.

attractive mind woman

↓

She wrote this Java method that was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life.

java life method seen wrote

↓

Elegant, tight.

elegant tight

↓

There's just something so hot about a woman that can code like that.

code woman

↓

You know, I just want to

↓

crawl in her frontal lobe and...

crawl

↓

What's up?

↓

You know I wrote that code, right?

code wrote

↓

No, this code was on her system.

code system

↓

A banged up 15-inch MacBook Pro with shitty stickers on it?

banged inch shitty stickers

↓

Everyone here has a beat up 15-inch MacBook Pro...

beat inch

↓

With a 1.3 chip and only two gigs of RAM?

chip

↓

She doesn't know Java. I wrote that code.

code java wrote

↓

- You said you were in love with her mind. - Oh, fuck.

fuck love mind

↓

You realize what's going on, right?

realize

↓

It's not her you're sexually attracted to, it's my code.

attracted code sexually

↓

Shut the... That is the most disgusting fucking thing I've ever heard.

disgusting fucking heard

↓

Just face it, Dinesh, you're gay for my code, you're code gay.

code face

↓

No! No, I'm into her. Her, okay? Fuck your code!

code fuck

↓

You'd like to fuck my code, wouldn't you?

code fuck

↓

Hey, would you like to masturbate to the subroutine I just wrote?

masturbate wrote

↓

No! It's... I'm... I'm...

↓

And then I'll sort of close right here in the center

center close

↓

with a confidence and poise that, well,

confidence

↓

they probably won't have seen up until this point.

point seen

↓

And then at that point we've got some photos that we're gonna throw up on the big screen.

photos point screen throw

↓

- Photos? - Yeah, you know, just a few.

photos

↓

Gandhi, MLK, me as an inquisitive child.

child gandhi

↓

Richard, could you please?

richard

↓

Oh, yes, sorry. I'll just plug it in here.

plug

↓

No! Don't!

↓

- Don't! - Oh, shit...

↓

- Oh, what the fuck? - Shit.

fuck

↓

Oh, she's here.

↓

Mmm.

↓

Oh, shit, it's frozen. It's frozen.

frozen

↓

That is not me, obviously.

obviously

↓

He's obsessed with me. I'm sorry.

obsessed

↓

Hey, what's wrong?

↓

I'm just a little nervous 'cause you're so beautiful.

nervous

↓

Oh?

↓

Random question...

question random

↓

So you didn't write any of that Java code?

code java write

↓

Uh-uh.

↓

But I write all of our tweets and we have like a couple hundred followers.

couple followers hundred write

↓

Couple hundred's pretty.

couple hundreds

↓

Oh, let me move this.

↓

Oh, that's the code your, uh, friend wrote.

code friend wrote

↓

- Yeah, it is. - It's really good, huh?

↓

It's fine. I don't care about it.

care

↓

Mmm, there we go.

↓

On, fuck.

fuck

↓

Come on, focus, focus.

focus

↓

Richard's not gonna finish, is he?

finish

↓

He'll finish, Gilfoyle, he has to.

finish

↓

Are you okay?

↓

Yeah, I'm fine.

↓

I knew it. You couldn't do it.

↓

Please shut up. Shut up.

↓

Why is it that every time I'm about to have sex with a lady,

lady

↓

he's all up in there somehow?

↓

Finally, just us. Guys, this round is on me.

finally round

↓

Hey, Jared. There you guys go.

jared

↓

- To Pied Piper. Hmm? - To Pied Piper.

piper

↓

Hear, hear.

↓

Yeah, drink it up.

drink

↓

- Mmm. - But it's not gonna change who you are.

change

↓

Monica, can I speak to you for a minute?

minute speak

↓

Yeah.

↓

- No, Sherry, it has to be now! - Oh, shit.

↓

Okay, look, we need to talk.

↓

You keep telling people I'm obsessed with you.

obsessed telling

↓

Richard, why don't you just take a step back...

richard step

↓

It's not true... No, no, no, let me finish.

finish

↓

Okay, did I put your picture up on the big screen in the auditorium? Yes.

picture screen

↓

But that's because I was showing you to my friends

friends showing

↓

to prove a point that I'm not obsessed with you.

obsessed point prove

↓

- Richard, I'm gonna go now. - No, I'm not obsessed with you, Sherry!

obsessed richard

↓

I'm...

↓

I'm not.

↓

That guy Richard I was telling you about just totally freaked out on me.

freaked richard telling

↓

Yeah, the obsessed guy.

obsessed

↓

- Where are you? - You've been doing this ever since

↓

- we arrived at the conference. - Which elevators?

arrived conference

↓

You really think that you can come between me and Richard Hendricks?

richard

↓

We're partners, okay, and I've devoted every second

devoted partners second

↓

of my waking life for the past two months to him, okay?

life months past waking

↓

I am devoted to him and to the precious thing that we're building together!

building devoted precious

↓

I'm his partner. I can tell when he's vomiting...

partner vomiting

↓

- Uh, what? No. Because he's nervous...

nervous

↓

- Never mind, Kate, I'm fine. - ...or when he's vomiting because he's sick

kate mind sick vomiting

↓

or when he's vomiting because he had cilantro, which he loves

loves vomiting

↓

but he shouldn't have because it makes him...

makes

↓

I had no idea that you felt this way. I mean it, I am so sorry.

idea

↓

I mean, I'm obsessed with her...

obsessed

↓

Richard, can I talk to you for a second?

richard second

↓

Uh, okay.

↓

I owe you an apology. I was way off base.

apology base

↓

Well, yeah, you were.

↓

He cleared it all up for me.

cleared

↓

- Jared? Really? - Yeah. He's your partner, right?

jared partner

↓

Yeah, he is. One of many.

↓

Probably too many.

↓

How could I not have seen this?

seen

↓

Obviously you're not obsessed with me.

obsessed obviously

↓

Richard, it's none of my business, but be safe.

business richard safe

↓

- Okay? - Okay.

↓

Of course I'm safe. I backup my whole system like five times a day.

backup course five five-times safe system times whole whole-system

↓

So... Uh, Jared, hey,

jared

↓

thank you.

↓

- For what? - Uh, you know, everything.

↓

I feel like we don't appreciate you enough, so thank you.

appreciate

↓

Are you... Are you crying?

crying

↓

Uh, don't do that. Don't cry.

↓

Oh, shit. I gotta get back to work. I... I need to focus here.

focus

↓

We should all go.

↓

All right, I'm taking care of this one.

care

↓

But when we win this fuckin' thing, Richard, you're buying the next round.

buying fuckin richard round

↓

Yeah.

↓

Oh, no.

↓

We're with the conference, is there any sort of discount?

conference discount

↓

- Kind of break you can... - Mmm-mmm.

break

↓

No. All right.

↓

- Hello, again. - Oh, hi.

↓

You know, that was really sweet of you to be so concerned about Dan.

concerned sweet

↓

He really has been through hell.

↓

Well, it's the least I could do.

least

↓

So how did you know Madelyn again?

madelyn

↓

Oh, uh, long story.

story

↓

Yeah?

↓

I have to admit, I'm curious.

admit curious

↓

You know what, keep it open.

open

↓

Have you ever cared too much?

cared

↓

People, are you ready?

ready

↓

Are you ready for the ultimate tech startup competition?

competition ready tech ultimate

↓

Let me hear it.

↓

Disrupt!

↓

Disrupt.

↓

Hello. My name is Saeed Jobrani.

name

↓

I am the CEO of lmmediBug.

↓

And we're hereto revolutionize

↓

the way you report bugs on your mobile platform.

bugs mobile platform report

↓

Happin! will revolutionize location-based mobile news aggregation as you know it.

based location mobile news

↓

We're making the world a better place, through Paxos algorithms

place world

↓

for consensus protocols.

↓

And we're making the world a better place

place world

↓

through software-defined data centers for cloud computing.

centers cloud data software

↓

A better place through canonical data models to communicate between endpoints.

communicate data models place

↓

A better place through scalable,

place

↓

fault-tolerant distributed databases with ACID transactions.

acid fault tolerant

↓

And we are truly local mobile social.

local mobile social truly

↓

And we're completely So-Mo-Lo.

completely

↓

And we're Mo-Lo-So.

↓

We're Lo-Mo-So, bro.

↓

We were So-Lo-Mo but now we're Mo-Lo-So.

↓

No, Mo-So-Lo. No...

↓

You want me to get a water or something?

water

↓

- Yeah, drink this. - Here.

drink

↓

- So we're all good? - We're all great.

↓

I killed it. Our Weissman score on all tests, 2.89.

killed score tests

↓

Right at the theoretical limit.

limit

↓

Yeah, all the edge modules are humming.

edge humming

↓

Uh, even on mobile. They can throw anything at us.

mobile throw

↓

Great. Well, good luck. I'm gonna go find my seat.

luck seat

↓

Um, except 3D video.

except video

↓

What?

↓

3D video's still a little hinky.

videos

↓

Erlich better steer them away from that just to be safe.

safe steer

↓

Where the hell is Erlich?

↓

He wasn't with you guys this morning?

morning

↓

Rather than heating an entire room,

entire heating room

↓

HumanHeater is a microwave technology

microwave technology

↓

that can heat the surface of a person's skin instead,

heat persons skin surface

↓

potentially saving millions in heating costs

costs heating millions potentially saving

↓

and helping the environment, thereby making the world a better place.

environment helping place thereby world

↓

Judges.

judges

↓

Uh...

↓

Okay, so,

↓

you want to heat people with microwaves, is that right?

heat

↓

That can't be safe.

safe

↓

That's a great question and trust me, it is very, very safe.

question safe trust

↓

I've been working on it for 15 years.

working years

↓

I don't trust you and it can't be safe.

safe trust

↓

And even if it was, I don't think you could ever sell the public on this.

public sell

↓

Thank you.

↓

I think when people see the savings on their utility bill

bill savings

↓

and when they see how it saves the environment, they will be sold.

environment saves sold

↓

Microwaves? Are you kidding me?

kidding

↓

Man, they are brutal.

brutal

↓

All right, let's light this candle.

candle light

↓

Where the hell have you been?

↓

Uh, there's been some developments. You know how I fucked Melcher's old wife?

fucked wife

↓

- I fucked his new wife, too. - What?

fucked wife

↓

Uh, don't worry, he's not gonna find out.

worry

↓

I left way before he got back last night and then I didn't

left night

↓

go back this morning until 20 minutes after he had left.

left minutes morning

↓

You went back?

↓

- How many times did you fuck this woman? - The old wife or the new wife?

fuck times wife woman

↓

- The new wife. - Last night or this morning?

morning night wife

↓

Erlich, what were you thinking? This is kind of a big day today.

thinking today

↓

Relax, he's not gonna find out. She's not gonna tell him.

relax

↓

How the fuck do you know that?

fuck

↓

Because she'd have to be crazy to tell him and I asked her point blank if she was crazy

asked blank crazy point shed

↓

and she swore to me, no, she's not crazy.

crazy swore

↓

- Pied Piper, you're up. - Let's do it.

piper

↓

The microwaves only penetrate the top layer of skin cells.

cells layer penetrate skin

↓

I don't believe you. It can't be safe.

believe safe

↓

Thank you.

↓

I've been testing it on these guys all winter and they're fine.

testing winter

↓

Let me just demonstrate it to assure you...

assure demonstrate

↓

- No! No! - No! Please!

↓

No one is ever going to buy one of these.

↓

Ever.

↓

That was HumanHeater.

↓

Next up, Executive Chairman and Chief Visionary

chairman chief executive

↓

- Erlich Bachman presenting Pied Piper.

piper presenting

↓

Since the dawn of time,

dawn

↓

mankind hath sought to make things smaller, but until now,

hath mankind smaller

↓

no man...

↓

You son of a bitch!

bitch

↓

Jesus Christ! Everyone, remain calm.

calm christ jesus jesus-christ remain remain-calm

↓

Stay in your seats! Everything is under control!

control seats

↓

Lights?

lights

↓

I think he knows.

knows

↓

Security to main stage.

main security stage