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Home » Silicon Valley » S01E08 — Optimal Tip-to-Tip Efficiency

Silicon Valley

Season 1, Episode 8 — Optimal Tip-to-Tip Efficiency

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Silicon Valley

Episode title: Optimal Tip-to-Tip Efficiency

Air date: June 01, 2014

Director: Mike Judge

Top billed cast: Thomas Middleditch, T.J. Miller, Zach Woods, Kumail Nanjiani, Martin Starr, Amanda Crew

Poised to compete at TechCrunch Disrupt, the guys of Pied Piper become worried after an impressive presentation by Gavin Belson. As Jared tries to pivot the company, Richard is inspired to make big changes at the last minute.

Source: TMDB

↓

I'll rip your dick off, you son of a bitch!

bitch dick

↓

My eye!

↓

On behalf of the entire Disrupt conference,

behalf conference entire

↓

I would like to apologize for what happened out there this afternoon.

afternoon apologize happened

↓

This man will never be asked to judge again.

asked judge

↓

I've just learned he's been, uh, fired from Oracle,

fired learned oracle

↓

and apparently his wife left him.

apparently left wife

↓

Anyway, I just got a call from your attorney, Mr. LaFlamme,

attorney

↓

informing me that in his view, this incident is actionable.

incident view

↓

Uh, and in addition to holding TechCrunch liable for any damages,

addition damages holding

↓

which may include the loss to Pied Piper

include loss piper

↓

of potentially billions in revenue and share value, uh,

billions potentially share value

↓

he may be naming me personally in a lawsuit.

lawsuit naming personally

↓

So, I would like to propose that we, uh, put this incident behind us,

behind incident propose

↓

legally speaking, uh, by sending Pied Piper directly through to the finals

directly finals legally piper sending speaking

↓

of Startup Battlefield, where you will compete for the grand prize.

battlefield compete grand grand-prize prize

↓

- How does that sound? - I think that's...

sound

↓

One question, uh, regarding our hotel accommodations?

hotel question regarding

↓

Barn! Am I right, guys?

barn

↓

I was just happy you got punched in the face, Erlich,

face happy punched

↓

but now I'm super happy. I feel like I won twice.

happy super twice

↓

I'm gonna disrupt this bathroom.

bathroom

↓

I don't think this couch pulls out. I guess I'll get myself a roll-away bed.

couch pulls roll

↓

I mean, you're welcome, guys. I had to fuck a wife and take a punch,

fuck punch welcome wife

↓

but now we get to go into the finals tomorrow

finals tomorrow

↓

without having blown our wad in the prelims.

blown having

↓

We're trending up, boys. We are trending up.

boys

↓

Maybe you're right. But, uh, we should probably

↓

get back down there and check out the competition.

check competition

↓

- Ladies and gentlemen, Gavin Belson.

gentlemen ladies

↓

No matter what you may have heard, size matters.

heard matter matters size

↓

Welcome, everyone, to a journey into the Nucleus.

journey welcome

↓

I hope this sucks.

hope sucks

↓

Nucleus will provide the most diverse features

diverse features provide

↓

ever assembled in a cloud-based compression suite.

based cloud suite

↓

Massive functionality, inter-connectivity,

massive

↓

and the simplicity one has come to expect from the Hooli family.

expect family

↓

We're making all your files available for lightning-fast download.

available download fast files lightning

↓

Accessible from any device.

accessible device

↓

AH these features will be seamlessly synced to Hooli-mail,

features mail synced

↓

Hooli-search and the full suite of Hooli computing power.

full power search suite

↓

That's a lot of functionality.

↓

Don't worry, he can't come close to our Weissman score.

close score worry

↓

Even with all this extra shit, it's like a fancy car with a crappy engine.

crappy engine extra fancy

↓

And now, for the moment of truth.

moment truth

↓

As you will now see, our Weissman score is the best in the history of compression.

best history score

↓

What the fuck?

fuck

↓

That's exactly the same score as us.

score

↓

2.89. That is not an error.

error

↓

We are breathing rare air here, operating at the limit for lossless compression

breathing limit operating rare

↓

in audio, video and data.

audio data video

↓

Anyone who tells you that their platform is faster than ours better have good lawyers.

faster lawyers platform tells

↓

I hope you've enjoyed your journey into the Nucleus.

enjoyed hope journey

↓

We have the speed. We have the features. And we have...

features speed

↓

Shakira!

shakira

↓

Hola, TechCrunch!

hola

↓

I mean, they just completely

completely

↓

reverse-engineered our entire compression engine.

engine entire reverse

↓

He totally sniped us.

↓

- We'll be fine. - What?

↓

They judge this contest on viability in the marketplace.

contest judge

↓

I mean, at best, we're a worse version of Nucleus.

best version worse

↓

I mean, they have 50 modules, and they're all awesome.

awesome

↓

We have five that barely work.

barely five

↓

I mean, we're still having trouble compressing 3-D files. Who's lining up to buy that?

files having having-trouble lining trouble

↓

Who the fuck cares?

cares fuck

↓

So the platform can't handle 3-D files. You know what, 3-D movies suck anyway.

files handle movies platform suck

↓

I could actually argue this Gavin nonsense is a positive.

argue nonsense positive

↓

Please don't.

↓

We just need to really dial it up for the big show tomorrow.

dial tomorrow

↓

Dial what up? He just ruined us.

dial ruined

↓

And until then, we need to do what any animal in nature does when it's cornered,

animal cornered nature

↓

act erratically, and blindly lash out at everything around us.

blindly lash

↓

I'm gonna go get in Gavin's head.

head

↓

Hey, guys, I just had a thought. Okay, so this is it, right?

↓

A lot of successful start-ups launched with a different business model,

business business-model model start successful

↓

and when they ran into trouble, they pivoted to something new, right?

trouble

↓

Like lnstagram. That was a location-based check-in service when it started,

based check location service started

↓

and then they pivoted.

↓

Or Chatroulette, okay, that was social media,

media social social-media

↓

and then they pivoted to become a playground for the sexually monstrous.

become playground sexually

↓

We just need a new idea, something that people want. Right? We can pivot, too.

idea pivot

↓

- Dude, you are fucked up right now. - Yeah, you're pinning bad.

fucked

↓

Well, I'll admit, I'm sleep-challenged.

admit challenged sleep

↓

I just spent four days trapped in a steel box out on an oil rig

days four four-days spent steel trapped

↓

full of robot-forklifts.

full robot

↓

So, that was hard, but I'm back.

hard

↓

I am recovering and I am focused and we're gonna pivot. Don't lose faith, guys.

faith focused lose pivot recovering

↓

All right, look at me. Look at me. Look at me.

↓

We've got a great name. We've got a great team.

name team

↓

We've got a great logo, and we've got a great name.

name

↓

Now we just need an idea.

idea

↓

Let's pivot! Let's pivot!

pivot

↓

That might be the last time we see him alive.

alive might

↓

Ah, I think I'm just gonna take a walk and, you know, try and clear my head.

clear head walk

↓

I'll see you guys back at the hotel room and we'll figure out what to do.

figure hotel hotel-room room

↓

We're going to be poor.

poor

↓

Hi! I'd like to talk to you about a company called Pied Piper.

called company piper

↓

What does it do? Good question.

question

↓

Maybe you can help us find an answer.

answer

↓

What if Pied Piper was an app that could attract rodents?

attract piper rodents

↓

You know, like the fairy tale?

fairy fairy-tale tale

↓

For purposes of extermination or to feed your pet snake.

extermination feed purposes snake

↓

We're not here to tell you what to do with your rats,

rats

↓

we're here to get you rats, stat.

rats stat

↓

Would you be very interested, somewhat interested or not interested?

interested somewhat

↓

Which one? Which one? Which one?

↓

Look at them, all full of hope. Pricks.

full hope pricks

↓

Oh, look, Kwerpy's here recruiting.

recruiting

↓

They just got 20 million in Series A at a $280 million dollar valuation.

dollar million million-dollar series

↓

- Wow. - That could have been us.

↓

It's too bad we already have jobs, we could easily go work there.

easily jobs

↓

Yeah.

↓

It'd be a real dickhead move to bail on Richard now, right?

bail dickhead real richard

↓

I mean, before we officially go under.

officially

↓

- Yeah. Yeah. Total dickhead move. - Yeah. Yeah.

dickhead total

↓

Yeah, even though it is just a matter of days.

days matter

↓

- And we are so close. - I mean, he is standing right there.

close standing

↓

- But I'm not a dickhead. - No. Neither am I.

dickhead

↓

Yep, just a couple of non-dickheads.

couple dickheads

↓

My dick and my head, totally separate.

dick head separate

↓

You've heard the phrase, "Time to pay the piper," right?

heard phrase piper

↓

What if there was an app called Pied Piper that could tell you,

called piper

↓

to a statistical degree of certainty, whether you were going to heaven or hell?

certainty degree heaven whether

↓

Very interested, somewhat interested, not interested?

interested somewhat

↓

Which one? Which one? Which one?

↓

So you made some really over-the-top promises about Nucleus.

promises

↓

- Can you deliver? - Absolutely.

absolutely deliver

↓

For me, Kara, goodness, greatness, these are not simply catchphrases,

goodness greatness simply

↓

but, in fact, really the intention of Hooli from the beginning.

beginning fact intention

↓

Gavin, you do not need to dignify any of this with a response!

response

↓

I can speak for myself. Erlich Bachman, Pied Piper.

piper speak

↓

Was I brutally assaulted? Yes.

assaulted brutally

↓

Did Gavin Belson here have anything to do with it? Unclear.

unclear

↓

All I know is that the rumor that TechCrunch is all abuzz about is unproven.

rumor

↓

- Wait, what rumor? - Thank you.

rumor

↓

Why would Gavin have anything to do with this?

↓

Unless he had some reason to be frightened by Pied Piper and its superior technology?

frightened piper reason superior technology

↓

This and all other Gavin Belson rumors are unsubstantiated.

rumors

↓

Okay, the alcoholism, the sexual impropriety at work,

sexual

↓

the impending crash of Hooli's stock...

crash stock

↓

This is the most ridiculous...

ridiculous

↓

Exactly. So why repeat the lascivious details,

details repeat

↓

with which all of us are undoubtedly already familiar?

familiar

↓

Guilty or not, Gavin, I stand with you.

guilty stand

↓

Care to comment?

care comment

↓

Let's keep moving, shall we?

moving

↓

Yes, let's all keep moving. Let's move on from this.

moving

↓

I forgive you, Gavin. No matter how brutally I was assaulted.

assaulted brutally forgive matter

↓

Wow, Pied Piper sounds like a great place to work.

piper place sounds

↓

Oh, yeah, it is.

↓

Pied Piper is the best, right?

best piper

↓

Oh, my God, every day feels like I've died and gone to hell.

died feels gone

↓

I'm sorry.

↓

- He's a Satanist, so it's good. - Mmm-hmm.

↓

- Oh, fun. - The point is, we love our company,

company fun love point

↓

and I don't have a problem saying that out loud.

loud problem

↓

- You... - Love it

love

↓

We both say it out loud and I think that fact,

fact loud

↓

proves that we're not dickheads.

dickheads proves

↓

So what we wanted to ask you was...

wanted

↓

Guys?

↓

Totally between us, our beta crapped out.

beta crapped

↓

The VCs did a full claw back and our Series A is DOA.

claw full series

↓

We're going down. We have enough runway for maybe two, three weeks max.

runway three three-weeks weeks

↓

So...

↓

Do you guys think you could hire me?

hire

↓

How much would it be worth to you if I told you I had a GPS app called Pied Piper,

called piper worth

↓

tracking the location of your child?

child location tracking

↓

I can follow your child anywhere,

child follow

↓

and there is nothing you can do to stop me.

↓

Most missing children are never found.

children found missing

↓

Interested, very interested, or very interested?

interested

↓

Richard. Hi...

richard

↓

- Hey... Uh, suitcase. Yeah. - Yeah.

suitcase

↓

So you're, uh...

↓

Peter called.

called peter

↓

- He saw Erlich's presentation, such as it was. - Ah.

presentation

↓

And Gavin's.

↓

So he wants me to go back to Palo Alto.

wants

↓

There's just a few other things that he wants me working on.

wants working

↓

Now that we're, you know, dead in the water.

dead water

↓

Listen, I'm sorry you walked away from the money like you did.

money walked

↓

But I swear I only wanted Peter to seed you

peter seed swear wanted

↓

because I thought that you had a really great company.

company

↓

- Mmm. - It just didn't work out for you this time.

↓

Uh... Can I be honest with you?

honest

↓

I haven't had more than two straight hours of sleep in months.

hours months sleep straight

↓

I've had a cold for, like, a year.

cold

↓

My stomach cramps up so much I feel like I'm menstruating.

stomach

↓

Maybe this is for the better.

↓

Look, I gotta go. Um...

↓

I'm really sorry that we're not gonna be working together anymore.

anymore working

↓

Yeah, me too.

↓

I guess... I guess we won't see each other again.

↓

Well, I mean, now that the rules about socializing with coworkers

rules

↓

aren't in effect anymore, let me know if you want to grab a drink sometime.

anymore drink effect grab sometime

↓

What, like a "drink"? A "drink-drink"?

drink

↓

You go on dates with failures?

dates

↓

- Constantly. - Okay.

constantly

↓

Uh...

↓

- Bye. Okay. - Bye.

↓

You have any weapons or drugs on your person at this time?

drugs person weapons

↓

- Why, yes. Yes, I do. - Huh.

↓

Let's go.

↓

Adderall. This is a highly controlled substance. Are these yours?

controlled highly substance

↓

No! Those belong to an underage kid that I brought to my house.

belong brought house underage

↓

Yeah, sir, I'm going to have to ask you to come with me.

↓

That's a kind invitation, but I have too much to do. I'm pivoting!

invitation

↓

- Let's go now! - No. I'm pivoting! I'm pivoting!

↓

I'm pivoting!

↓

I mean, what do we even present tomorrow?

present tomorrow

↓

Honestly, anyone?

↓

Why do we have to present at all?

present

↓

What's that supposed to mean?

supposed

↓

If we are going to fail and be humiliated,

fail humiliated

↓

why do it on stage in front of 1,000 people and a live-streamed audience?

audience front live stage

↓

Are you saying we shouldn't even show up?

↓

No offense, but it's basically going to be a public execution.

execution offense public

↓

Yes, and public executions are very popular.

popular public

↓

It's show business. We are not quitting, Richard.

business quitting richard

↓

Look, Erlich, I want to present, I do, it's just...

present

↓

I don't know.

↓

Jesus, are you okay?

jesus

↓

What? Yeah, I... Okay.

↓

Yeah, all good. They let me go.

↓

- Who let you go? - When was the last time you slept, Jared?

jared slept

↓

Yeah, absolutely, David.

absolutely david

↓

What are we talking about, gents?

gents

↓

We're talking about how I didn't get to present in the prelims,

present

↓

because I was too busy getting my face pummeled

busy face

↓

so that our team could move forward.

forward team

↓

That's why we're presenting tomorrow.

presenting tomorrow

↓

And you know what? We're going to win.

↓

Yeah, we're gonna win even if I have to go into the auditorium and personally jerk off

jerk personally

↓

every guy in the audience.

audience

↓

That's a lot of jerking.

jerking

↓

And we only have 10 minutes to present. So...

minutes present

↓

So, we're fucked, aren't we?

fucked

↓

Yeah, even if he's jerking two at a time, there are, what, 800 guys in that room?

jerking room

↓

So that's 400 times whatever the mean jerk-time is.

jerk times

↓

- The what? - Mean jerk-time.

jerk

↓

I mean, it doesn't matter, but, hypothetically,

hypothetically matter

↓

time is equal to 400 total jerks at a two-dick rate.

dick equal jerks rate total

↓

Unless Erlich jerks off four guys at a time, and then we can cut that in half.

four half jerks

↓

How would he do four guys...

four

↓

He's got two hands, so that's two dicks at a time, right?

dicks hands

↓

Look, you have two guys on either side with their dicks, tip to tip,

dicks side

↓

so you're going full-length. Four, see?

four full length

↓

Oh...

↓

From the middle out. That does make sense.

middle sense

↓

Like two Shake Weights?

shake

↓

Yeah, so what we're trying to do, hypothetically,

hypothetically

↓

is minimize time, which is 800 dudes,

dudes

↓

multiplied by mean-jerk time, divided by four dicks at a time.

dicks divided four jerk

↓

Of course, Erlich would have to pre-sort guys by height, so that their dicks lined up.

course dicks height lined

↓

Not by height, technically.

height technically

↓

The measurement that we're looking for, really, is dick-to-floor.

dick floor looking

↓

- Call that D2F. - Huh.

↓

Oh, my God.

↓

You know, if a guy's dick was long enough,

dick

↓

it would be able to reach up or down to another guy with a different D2F.

able another reach

↓

The longer the dick, the greater the D2F bridge,

bridge dick greater longer

↓

but I would still be able to jerk it off in one smooth motion.

able jerk motion smooth

↓

I would just have to jerk it on an angle.

angle jerk

↓

So D2F sub-1 needs to equal D2F sub-2,

equal needs

↓

and D2F sub-3 needs to equal D2F sub-4,

equal needs

↓

where length, L, creates a complementary shaft angle.

angle creates length shaft

↓

Call that theta D.

↓

- Now, the orgasm threshold... - Holy shit. Oh, my God.

holy orgasm

↓

I'm such an idiot. Middle out!

idiot middle

↓

Middle out! Middle out! Oh, my God.

middle

↓

HOW could I...

↓

Guys, does girth-similarity affect Erlich's ability

ability affect

↓

to jerk different dicks simultaneously?

dicks jerk simultaneously

↓

Shit. Yeah, I think it would.

↓

Of course, it does. Time to orgasm, or T20,

course orgasm

↓

has to be the same for each matching pair of dicks,

dicks matching pair

↓

otherwise I'm wasting a lot of great strokes on a guy that's already busted.

busted otherwise wasting

↓

Unless you can hotswap dicks in and out. So on a downstroke, you get a new one in.

dicks

↓

So when you stroke up you're not wasting any energy.

energy stroke wasting

↓

Even so. I think this is the most reliable metric for stamina.

reliable

↓

Guys? Richard's been locked in here for almost two hours. Do we think he's okay?

hours locked

↓

Hmm, you don't think he'd...

↓

He did seem pretty bummed out.

bummed

↓

All right, guys, let's go.

↓

- The finals are starting. - Up!

finals starting

↓

Gilfoyle!

↓

Jesus!

jesus

↓

What happened to the door?

door happened

↓

Don't worry about it, Richard. Ls the platform up and running?

platform richard running worry

↓

I made a few changes, but yeah...

changes

↓

Okay, tell me on the walk. All right, you dildos, let's go!

walk

↓

All right, talk to me, Richard. What were you working on last night?

night richard working

↓

Well, uh, I might've made a breakthrough.

breakthrough mightve

↓

Really, so everything is working?

working

↓

Uh, technically, no.

technically

↓

Let's face it, ladies, is there anything less sexy

face ladies less sexy

↓

than when a user's visualization UX is completely sub-optimal?

completely users

↓

I mean, it's the worst, right?

worst

↓

So we've gone through all the research and all the steps.

gone research steps

↓

We have a solution for these problems and Zenella is ready to bring it to the marketplace.

bring problems ready solution

↓

Yeah, I get it, Richard. You changed a lot.

changed richard

↓

Now, just give me the basics and I can roll with it.

basics roll

↓

I need to know what I'm presenting here.

presenting

↓

I don't think I have time to explain it all.

explain

↓

What the hell does that mean?

↓

Richard? Is this the right build? I can't find the mobile suite here.

build mobile richard suite

↓

Uh, it is nowhere. I deleted it.

deleted

↓

- What? - Here they are.

↓

- Pied Piper's here. - Sorry, we're late.

late

↓

Richard, talk to me.

richard

↓

I can't front a band without knowing what we're playing?

band front knowing playing

↓

Uh, I think I'm just going to do the presentation myself.

presentation

↓

Wait, what? No, no, no, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard.

richard

↓

Respectfully... Respectfully, you're terrible.

respectfully

↓

You have a world-class showman standing right in front of you

class front standing world

↓

and you're going to pass on that?

pass

↓

Release me, Richard. Release the Kraken!

release richard

↓

- Pied Piper. You're on. - This is it!

piper

↓

I don't know what you did, Richard, but I hope it works.

hope richard works

↓

Me, 1100.

↓

All right, let's welcome our final team to the finals

final finals team welcome

↓

of this year's TechCrunch Disrupt Startup Battlefield.

battlefield years

↓

- Presenting for Pied Piper is Erlich Bachman.

piper presenting

↓

Uh, actually there has been a change of plans.

change plans

↓

Presenting for Pied Piper will be Richard Hendricks.

piper presenting richard

↓

Richard?

richard

↓

Ah, sorry. Got a little light-headed there for a second.

headed light second

↓

I set 'em up for you, now knock 'em down.

knock

↓

I don't understand. I thought he made the platform better.

platform

↓

- He just deleted everything. - Maybe he moved it to the cloud?

cloud deleted moved

↓

No. All The Carver's work is gone.

gone

↓

Pied Piper is a cloud-based compression. Without the cloud, nothing's left.

based cloud left nothings piper

↓

Uh, gentlemen, this is likely the last 10 minutes

gentlemen likely minutes

↓

of Pied Piper, so let's enjoy it.

enjoy piper

↓

- Has he lost his mind? - He's lost his fucking mind.

fucking lost mind

↓

Hello... Hello. Hello.

↓

Um, I am... My name is Richard Hendricks,

name richard

↓

and I am, along with, uh, this guy, him, him,

along

↓

and another guy that has disappeared, uh...

another disappeared

↓

Um...

↓

We are Pied Piper. A compression company.

company piper

↓

Well, you know, in your pamphlets

pamphlets

↓

it says that we are a cloud-based

based cloud

↓

multi-platform solution for user-focused compression.

focused multi platform solution user

↓

Uh, and we were. Until yesterday.

yesterday

↓

But now we are not.

↓

Uh, because you see, Hooli

↓

did everything that we were trying to do, uh, better, way better.

↓

Um...

↓

Nucleus is built on the same engine as ours, like exactly the same,

built engine

↓

and their Weissman score was 2.89, same as ours.

score

↓

But the thing is, they built a ton of really great stuff up on top of that.

built stuff

↓

And we can't compete, so now we have to be something else.

compete

↓

Um, well-played, Hooli.

played

↓

Uh, okay, so anyway, we all know that the most obvious way

obvious

↓

to compress files is with Shannon coding, right? Top down.

coding files shannon

↓

Richard, they can't see that, it's too small.

richard

↓

- Okay. - Literally, hundreds of people here.

hundreds

↓

Oh, no, but I need...

↓

Shit, okay.

↓

Um...

↓

Right, oh.

↓

Uh, so Shannon coding and then David Huffman came along,

along coding david shannon

↓

and he pioneered bottom-up, and Lempel-Ziv with left-to-right, obviously.

bottom left obviously

↓

And for decades, we used these codes to compress,

codes decades used

↓

you know, JPEGs, MPEGs, MP3s, Zips, all that stuff.

stuff

↓

Uh, but we all know that, so there's no point in talking about it.

point

↓

But, uh, what happened was,

happened

↓

last night, um, I was watching my friends here have this argument

argument friends night watching

↓

about, you know, uh, manipulating d... Uh, data.

data manipulating

↓

And, you know, how many datas could one guy manipulate at once and...

manipulate

↓

And I was just... I was thinking.

thinking

↓

Uh, maybe it could be another way, you know?

another

↓

Uh, something that I would call, "middle-out."

middle

↓

It's up-and-down, back-and-forth all at the same time going on at once.

forth

↓

Okay, well, anyway, I deleted all our modules last night,

deleted night

↓

and I completely rebuilt our engine, from scratch last night.

completely engine night scratch

↓

Um, now, this morning I really only had enough time to do one test,

morning test

↓

and when I did, we hit a Weissman score of 3.8.

score

↓

Now, I know the theoretical limit was 2.9,

limit

↓

- but as you can see here... - I'm sorry. You scored a 3.8?

scored

↓

Uh, yes, sir.

↓

And this is a universal lossless compression engine?

engine

↓

- Text? Audio? Video? - Yes, that is correct.

audio correct text video

↓

Well, I'm sorry to interrupt your eloquent presentation, Richard.

interrupt presentation richard

↓

But, rather than say anything more, why don't we just give you a file

file

↓

and we'll see whether this thing can do what you say it does.

whether

↓

Because if it can't, then we're done here, right?

↓

Yeah. Yeah, that's fair.

fair

↓

So we can give you any kind of file and you can compress it,

file

↓

without degradation, at this standard? Three-eight?

eight standard three

↓

Yes... Yep.

↓

All right, give us a minute, please.

minute

↓

- What do we got? - Does anyone have anything?

↓

- Do you have something? - I've got a file for him.

file

↓

Okay. Andy Stafford here, has a file for you.

andy file

↓

- Okay. - It's 132 gigabytes uncompressed,

↓

and it's a 3-D video file.

file video

↓

Okay-

↓

Shit...

↓

- A fucking 3-D file? - Yes.

file fucking

↓

- Are you fucking kidding me? - God damn it.

fucking fucking-kidding kidding

↓

- Can we handle this? - I guess we'll find out.

handle

↓

Damn it, I hope this works.

hope works

↓

Shit, it's hung.

hung

↓

Oh, no.

↓

Is it stuck?

stuck

↓

There is a time limit, you have two minutes remaining.

limit minutes remaining

↓

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

↓

It looks like it's done.

↓

Wait, 24 gigs? What happened?

happened

↓

Oh, shit, there's no way.

↓

It didn't compress the whole thing. It should be twice that size.

size twice whole

↓

I mean, 24 gigs, that's less than a fourth the file size.

file fourth less size

↓

That seems dubious, Richard.

richard seems

↓

Why don't we run a Weissman test for verification, see where we went wrong.

test

↓

Okay, I mean it shouldn't take too long, it only compressed half the fucking file.

file fucking half

↓

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have rewritten all this code.

code

↓

I mean, what we had before worked.

worked

↓

I'm sorry, guys. Gavin won. We lost.

lost

↓

At least it didn't happen in a public and brutally embarrassing way.

brutally embarrassing happen least public

↓

- Thanks, Gilfoyle. - Yeah.

thanks

↓

Wait a second. What's happening?

second

↓

There's no errors, look!

↓

- 5.2? How, how... - Wait, what?

↓

- Wait, it compressed the whole file? - Whoa!

file whoa whole

↓

That's the whole file.

file whole

↓

It's just half the size I thought it would be.

half size

↓

Ladies and gentlemen, obviously we're going to keep looking at this to verify,

gentlemen ladies looking obviously verify

↓

but with a confirmed score of 5.2,

confirmed score

↓

Pied Piper appears to have just doubled the best Weissman score ever measured.

appears best piper score

↓

- Doubled it!

↓

Pied Piper, ladies and gentlemen!

gentlemen ladies piper

↓

Let's hear it for them!

↓

Holy shit!

holy

↓

Hey, I'm at TechCrunch.

↓

This kid, Hendricks, and Pied Piper just ran a two-minute mile.

mile minute piper

↓

We should get on this, now.

↓

Suck it, Gavin Belson!

suck

↓

Hendricks, you beautiful bastard!

bastard

↓

I told you we'd do it! Come on!

↓

We're not going to be poor!

poor

↓

What happened? What happened? What happened? What happened?

happened

↓

Ah, we just won the cup!

↓

Whoo!

whoo

↓

And I don't think it comes as any shock that the winner of this year's Disrupt Cup

comes shock winner years

↓

and $50,000, like they're going to need it, is Pied Piper.

piper

↓

So Richard wrote the code?

code richard wrote

↓

Richard wrote the code, yes, but the inspiration was clear.

clear code inspiration richard wrote

↓

- Let me ask you something. - Mmm-hmm.

↓

How fast do you think you could jack off every guy in this room?

fast jack room

↓

'Cause I know how long it would take me.

↓

And I can prove it.

prove

↓

- Nice. - Thank you so much.

↓

I don't fully understand it but I would definitely like to invest.

fully invest

↓

- Oh, great. - Really impressed.

impressed

↓

I really want to get you in front of my partners.

front partners

↓

- Really soon. - Oh, wow. I appreciate that, guys.

appreciate

↓

Well, hopefully we'll talk to each other soon.

hopefully

↓

- Thanks. - Thanks.

thanks

↓

- Hey! - Monica!

↓

Congratulations! You were amazing up there.

amazing congratulations

↓

- Thank you. - I just spoke with Peter.

peter spoke

↓

He watched the live-stream via satellite and said he was "not unpleased."

live satellite stream watched

↓

Oh, yeah, that's great.

↓

Uh, so I guess we're back to working together, huh?

working

↓

Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

↓

It's gonna get pretty insane for you, Richard.

insane richard

↓

- Yeah. - You're going to have more offers of funding

funding offers

↓

- than you're going to know what to do with. - Yeah.

↓

You're going to have to grow a business,

business grow

↓

- hire a staff, rent offices, get an assistant. - Mmm-hmm.

assistant hire offices rent staff

↓

Peter is going to be a lot more hands-on and a lot tougher on you.

hands peter tougher

↓

People may take credit for your idea and try and sue you.

credit idea

↓

- How awesome is that? - Ah, yeah, that's awesome.

awesome

↓

I mean, if you thought it was crazy getting to this point,

crazy point

↓

you're not going to believe what it turns into from here.

believe turns

↓

Right.

↓

I mean pretty soon, you could be managing thousands of employees

employees managing thousands

↓

- who are all looking up to you. - Mmm.

looking

↓

And Gavin Belson, he's not going away anytime soon.

anytime

↓

- Mmm. - But it's going to be amazing.

amazing

↓

Excuse me a second.

excuse second

↓

Oh, Jesus.

jesus