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Home » Malcolm in the Middle » S01E03 — Home Alone 4

Malcolm in the Middle

Season 1, Episode 3 — Home Alone 4

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Episode title: Home Alone 4
Air date: January 23, 2000
Director: Todd Holland
Top billed cast: Frankie Muniz, Jane Kaczmarek, Bryan Cranston, Justin Berfield, Erik Per Sullivan, Christopher Masterson
Lois and Hal leave the boys alone for the weekend with Francis. the boys assume that if all goes well, Francis may not have to go back to military school.
Source: TMDB
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And then there's a big explosion and lots of bubbles.
bubblesexplosionlots
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That's where babies come from.
babies
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Oh, well, you know, close enough.
close
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Right.
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- Come on. - I did the math once.
math
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It turns out, every 17.4 dinners,
dinnersturns
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my family actually has a pleasant meal together.
familymealpleasant
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Hey, look at this. I made a pea angel.
angel
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Oh, you're a pea angel. Stop playing with your food.
angelfoodplaying
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- Oh, Mom... - Mm-hm.
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Don't you dare.
dare
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- Relax, I wasn't really going to. - Then don't.
relax
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- I wasn't going to. - Then don't.
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Well, don't accuse me of something that I wasn't going to do!
accuse
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Interesting mood shift.
interestingmoodshift
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It would take hours to explain the psychology behind this.
behindexplainhourspsychology
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So let me just put it this way.
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Dynamite. Kid with matches.
dynamitematches
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- You're going to throw that at Mom? - I wasn't going to.
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- Oh, jeez Louise. Reese-- - Hal, I can handle this.
handlejeezlouisereese
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Reese, I'm warning you.
reesewarning
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I wasn't going to!
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But if you think I would, then maybe I should!
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Oh, good. Now he's panicking.
panicking
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Just put the spoon down and apologize.
apologizespoon
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Okay, she gave him an out.
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Apologize for what? I wasn't going to do anything.
apologize
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Just stop talking! Just stop talking and let me think!
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- Dad, do something. - I got it.
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What do you think you're doing?
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I'm being cute and spontaneous?
cutespontaneous
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Ker-splat.
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- Don't do it. - I wasn't going to!
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Yep, this is a good dinner.
dinner
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♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
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♪ I don't know Can you repeat the question? ♪
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Malcolm.
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Yeah?
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Can I see you for a minute, please?
minute
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I'd really like us to try to connect on a deeper level.
connectdeeperlevel
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Whoa, she is coming on to me.
comingwhoa
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- I thought you were dating the janitor. - Who told you that?
datingjanitor
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God. One drink and-- Never mind.
drinkmind
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What I am trying to say is
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I know your parents.
parents
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I know you have a colorful home life.
colorfulhomelife
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So just remember, if you ever need anything at all,
remember
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a sympathetic ear, a shoulder to cry on, I want you to come to me.
shouldersympathetic
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Yeah. That's what I need, another mom.
another
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And then I drew a robot, Francis,
drewfrancisrobot
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but my crayon broke. Then I had a popsicle.
brokecrayonpopsicle
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I mean, I had 12 popsicles. You like popsicles, Francis?
francispopsicles
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Shut up, Dewey. Stop bugging Francis.
buggingdeweyfrancis
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Glad you're home. You don't know what it's like dealing with these kids.
dealinggladhomekids
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It's the coolest thing.
coolest
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It's the first time Francis is home from military school.
francishomemilitarymilitary-schoolschool
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Mom and Dad are going off to some wedding,
wedding
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and Francis is in charge of us for the whole weekend.
chargefrancisweekendwhole
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I can't believe how much I missed him. Hey.
believemissed
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Huh.
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He's so great.
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Boys! The number for the hotel is on the counter.
boyscounterhotelnumber
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I left money for pizza, but I want a receipt and exact change.
changeexactleftmoneypizzareceipt
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Mm-hm. That underwear is going to wrinkle.
underwear
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It's kind of nice having Francis back in the house, don't you think?
francishavinghouse
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- What? - Nothing. You're just...
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- cute when you think you're being subtle. - Really?
cutesubtle
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Of course it's nice having Francis home.
coursefrancishavinghome
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It's been a few months now.
months
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Maybe it's time to, you know, think about it.
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I don't know. Maybe.
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- We'll see how he does this weekend. - Mm.
weekend
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God, I hate this hairdo.
hairdohate
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Don't know why I bother trying to impress your family. They've always hated me.
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You are the one who stole their little Hally away from them.
stole
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Better get moving.
moving
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And then it got away.
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But I found another one, but it died. And then--
anotherdiedfoundfound-another
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I said leave him alone, you butt-munch!
alonebuttbutt-munchmunch
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- Let me go! - Make me.
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Guys, quit it!
quit
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Listen for a second. I just heard Mom and Dad.
heardsecond
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They're thinking about letting Francis come home.
francishomelettingthinking
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- You serious? - Yeah.
serious
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They want to see how he does with us this weekend. Okay?
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So we can't screw up.
screw
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- Cool. Let's go tell him. - No.
cool
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You know how Francis gets when people tell him what to do.
francis
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I'm warning you. If you get your nose pierced,
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you are going to military school. And I mean it. Really.
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Do you hear me?
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Hey, Mom. What's for dinner?
dinner
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Right. What are we going to do?
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We're going to be good, that's what.
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How do we be good?
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I don't know. Honestly, it's never come up before.
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We're just not going to do anything.
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That way, we can't get in any trouble.
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Honey. We're late. We better hit the road.
honeylateroad
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Fine. I'll shave my legs in the car.
legsshave
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Okay. I've marked all the liquor bottles. We can taste when they're watered down.
bottlesliquormarkedtastewatered
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I've locked out the smut channel on the TV, counted your father's cigars.
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I've checked the odometer on the car,
checked
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I know the exact balance of our credit cards.
balancecardscreditcredit-cardsexact
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We love you. Have a good time. And just remember,
loveremember
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Dewey will tell us everything you did while we're gone.
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Uh... What your mother said, boys. Minus one.
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Don't even think about it.
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- Think about what? - She's bluffing.
bluffing
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I'm gonna show you the coolest thing you've ever seen.
coolestseen
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Get me some lighter fluid, a waffle iron
fluidironlighterlighter-fluidwaffle
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and one of Dewey's stuffed animals. The furrier, the better.
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Actually, we're kind of tired.
tired
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- Tired? - Yeah. Tired.
tired
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I'm not tired.
tired
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Okay, yeah, I'm tired.
tired
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Let's just go watch TV.
watch
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Whatever.
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...lines up his shot.
linesshot
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I've never seen this kind of excitement...
excitementseen
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This plan better work.
plan
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The only thing worse than no TV is golf on TV.
golfworse
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Oh, come on, guys. Let's go outside. Let's go do something.
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No. They're only on the sixth hole.
holesixth
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They're only on the sixth hole.
holesixth
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- Hello. - Francis, bud, I heard you were in town.
francisheardtown
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You da man, Francis!
francis
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Hey, guys, what's going on?
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Same old, same old, man.
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Oh, Circus says hi.
circus
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Dude, you're not going to believe it. I finally moved out.
believefinallymoved
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I'm living in the basement now. Total freedom, dude.
basementfreedomlivingtotal
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You da man, Francis!
francis
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Mom, you're supposed to knock.
knocksupposed
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Dude, we're coming over.
coming
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Okay. Hey, Richie and the guys are coming over.
comingrichie
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Maybe they shouldn't.
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- You know, Mom and Dad are gone. - Okay, got it.
gone
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Hey, Richie, listen to me.
richie
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I'm watching my brothers, so we got to hang here.
brothershangwatching
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And no parties, okay? I'm serious. It's got to be just the three of you.
partiesseriousthree
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Huh. You wouldn't think only three guys could do so much damage.
damagethree
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Call us next time you're in town!
town
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You da man, Francis!
francis
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Look at that...
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♪ Sky rockets in flight Afternoon delight ♪
afternoondelightflightrockets
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Are you trying to seduce me?
seduce
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I can't believe we're going to this wedding.
believewedding
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What a waste of time.
waste
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Come on, I promise it'll be fun.
funitllpromise
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- Hal, I'm not Dewey. - Sorry.
dewey
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But still, we're alone, we're away from the kids.
alonekids
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Right now, we're just two unencumbered consenting adults.
adults
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I say we enjoy it.
enjoy
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Yeah, you're right.
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It will be nice to have some time for just the two of us.
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And I'm gonna love not having to yell at somebody every 20 seconds.
havinglovesecondssomebodyyell
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Either speed up or get off the road, jackass!
jackassroadspeed
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Absolutely deserved it.
absolutelydeserved
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I hate those guys.
hate
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Did you see Circus break that cinder block with his head?
blockbreakcircushead
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That's a good lesson for you. It didn't break the first six times.
breaklessontimes
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But did he quit trying? No, sir.
quit
↓
75f899cc-6398-4d21-a817-bf0e23ba9eb4.gif
- Francis, we have to clean this up. - Yeah.
cleanfrancis
↓
86b8dcfa-8d85-4dbf-9e23-f52de48bab23.gif
No. I mean now. If Mom and Dad see this, they'll freak.
freak
↓
40f9fcb0-f80a-4d5c-8531-13408023177e.gif
So, what else is new? They always freak. I'm used to it.
freakused
↓
4d80f6e3-8109-4aca-b5be-81176ac9c9f8.gif
This is different. We have to clean up.
clean
↓
0fb684f9-220c-4795-afda-935145855010.gif
What's with you guys? I'm in charge here.
charge
↓
093e9410-b763-426b-b0de-f3077a2e5030.gif
I'm the one who's gonna get in trouble, relax.
relaxtrouble
↓
d7088085-8758-4651-b799-013bb3d29241.gif
But we want you to come home.
home
↓
b200ccee-5442-4988-947b-7c03846e6d36.gif
- What? - I heard Mom and Dad talking.
heard
↓
50490704-0f28-4a7f-a9c7-8d0b556c09f0.gif
This weekend is like a test for you. Or a trap.
testtrapweekend
↓
04d1ea16-cfe8-4285-829d-50d531dcecd2.gif
If you do good, they may let you come home.
home
↓
aa3d0742-fad9-4819-98cd-50dbe739f272.gif
If you don't, they're gonna toss your butt back into military school.
buttmilitarymilitary-schoolschooltoss
↓
9e145f43-276c-4340-bc3f-77de1491b83f.gif
- Okay... - Francis!
francis
↓
1f5aa45e-db0d-40a2-9357-d43d5c9e1809.gif
It sucks around here without you. Can't you just try for our sake?
sakesucks
↓
0130e2d3-d758-49ab-9ce7-13a456c403db.gif
Look, I appreciate your sentiment,
appreciate
↓
892eb84e-5e99-4b81-a0c2-099b4c27d4b2.gif
but they're not going to decide my whole future
decidefuturewhole
↓
5c38e63d-d660-47a2-a46a-c94305cec0d0.gif
based on how I behave over one weekend without even telling me about it.
basedbehavetellingweekend
↓
9dce9462-a2ba-4808-970b-fad57b128cda.gif
It's too arbitrary. It's unreasonable.
arbitraryunreasonable
↓
072a342f-23f5-4b94-8494-a1e80c9da103.gif
It's Mom!
↓
7ff67147-5ae4-4de5-be3e-440f1de2288a.gif
Okay, let's clean up.
clean
↓
939fddcd-b75a-4a6a-a2c2-b98f64abc141.gif
- It's perfect. - The house has never been this clean.
cleanhouseperfect
↓
4dd2cb11-191d-47e8-9ce8-b87c3290d6d8.gif
Uh-oh.
↓
253b43bc-80a3-43b1-98f5-714d051fa584.gif
- What? - It's too clean.
clean
↓
2e032d18-8e42-463b-b342-179d0ee2df27.gif
You're right. They'll never buy it.
↓
b3255a57-2d24-44b0-a0a3-c8bebc526acd.gif
Ooh.
↓
a90ad004-d8b2-49fc-8814-0fcea085c9d2.gif
Looks like we're the only ones who gave them pot holders.
holdersones
↓
27acfe76-ca39-4059-a606-7383f2209d21.gif
- Hi. - Hi.
↓
a6ea09fb-84fd-4d4f-9cda-9deb01cb5c43.gif
It's great to see you.
↓
166f711a-ac6b-4502-a1b3-d52abb4f3674.gif
- You too. - You look terrific.
terrific
↓
02d701ec-e3cb-4342-a104-227f752532ea.gif
- How long do you think it's been? - I don't know.
↓
a363276b-edc6-4bc5-9d11-f1d5bd394189.gif
Will you excuse me?
excuse
↓
14302e6a-e41e-4ac9-bf89-4e2272da8cf2.gif
Oh, that was worth driving 600 miles for.
drivingmilesworth
↓
6a9618f0-9740-4478-a887-78c81610411f.gif
- Who was that guy? - It's the groom, Hal.
groom
↓
11b7cce1-5e71-481b-9559-e18ea3f5865c.gif
Huh. I wish people would wear name tags at these things.
namename-tagstagswearwish
↓
d1141476-d439-46d6-9c2c-a905c3e708ec.gif
Oh, perfect.
perfect
↓
ba4b927f-be64-443a-bf24-c8b9c2d47922.gif
- Nice touch with the bread crumbs, Dewey. - Huh?
breadcrumbsdeweytouch
↓
36148d32-a254-4ecc-9752-c008c1b42a4a.gif
I clipped my toenails on the coffee table.
clippedcoffeecoffee-tabletabletoenails
↓
272e15c7-2bb8-475c-85b5-9dd178ab2a10.gif
- Attaboy. She will never know a thing. - Wait.
attaboy
↓
e5320548-36d1-4fc5-a896-66743e726648.gif
Ta-da.
↓
d0919d73-5dca-47d8-a7fe-2c1335f87f1a.gif
Oh!
↓
59f3cabb-1c8d-4f7a-adc7-86a89afa48bf.gif
Ow! Ow! Ow!
↓
98d1297f-7bdf-466c-bfc8-8ade6fe19781.gif
Malcolm. Malcolm, are you okay?
malcolm
↓
dce79ac1-2e74-46b5-9728-361ce9b98022.gif
I think so.
↓
ebfbba21-0c3c-4524-a82c-73635fa0582d.gif
Ow!
↓
70c3fec3-9130-441a-b4f7-feb2ac68de71.gif
Hold still. Come here, let me see it.
↓
c360a2e5-7e5c-4c16-98c5-0404ea1f334e.gif
- Let me see it. - How does it look?
↓
0d6f19b5-13e3-42f2-a14a-6ac58d2197bc.gif
Not, too bad.
↓
52aafaa7-ad0f-4372-8723-9149d344ba23.gif
- Put his face back on. - What?
face
↓
4b75e8c4-8dfe-475b-8919-7c0206315e38.gif
Man, what's that white stuff? Is that bone?
bonestuffwhite
↓
a007b3ea-ae84-4f36-9c0a-882ab8c2fcda.gif
- What? - Reese, get ice and some paper towels.
paperpaper-towelsreesetowels
↓
57a8ad57-c431-43c3-a7fc-42f931022c42.gif
Sit down. We have to put pressure on it. I'm sorry. I have to put pressure on it.
pressure
↓
8bff7e45-eeb3-41ed-b33f-07566f038ff6.gif
- Reese, give me the ice! - No ice. But we got this.
reese
↓
aaf52181-79a5-420f-bf30-7988eb42772f.gif
Fine. Give me some antiseptic.
antiseptic
↓
9731ed17-39a0-498d-9573-bd33e385007a.gif
- Don't answer that. Let the machine-- - Hello.
answermachine
↓
d3a80cc2-2f65-4245-9951-2a0b29cee711.gif
- Hi, Dewey. - Hi, Mom.
dewey
↓
6e64f34d-2942-4375-a683-b3a18a353bd2.gif
We're just calling to check in. Let me speak with Francis.
callingcheckfrancisspeak
↓
d417e9b0-063a-4783-9931-e757eae7af13.gif
He's...
↓
47ea63d8-eb2d-4186-b6ef-8b79557c39ba.gif
- No. - ...in the bathroom.
bathroom
↓
e38f948f-de6d-4804-b9d9-f5eab6814ed2.gif
Well, let me talk to Malcolm.
malcolm
↓
3688e628-305b-4d2b-9178-28fa98eb72d3.gif
He's in the bathroom.
bathroom
↓
79bdf821-91ed-4d14-bf0c-d3e41d59db1c.gif
They're both in the bathroom? What are they doing in there?
bathroom
↓
1ce61ecd-750e-4841-9500-c7d025878325.gif
I have to go to the bathroom.
bathroom
↓
bd6ff3aa-4ec3-4cb1-b5a3-19e460ce4665.gif
We have to get you stitches. Let's go.
stitches
↓
940ff411-af3d-46dd-909b-f6fddea08419.gif
No. You can't. Mom and Dad will find out.
↓
f4c0de54-96fc-416e-9831-593352c9af16.gif
This is a head injury. You could have a concussion.
concussionheadinjury
↓
12615f58-d0e8-403c-81f3-6e93bc229987.gif
Concussion? I think he's making too much of this.
concussion
↓
5a4cf0de-31ad-468a-bdd6-70e8c25e74a5.gif
I'm not as figgled as he hoogers.
↓
4acda9fb-f0cf-47ab-9fc3-f419a8b03800.gif
No! I don't care. I'm not going to the hospital.
carehospital
↓
70e41155-601d-43a4-b09e-ec001c1653bd.gif
Do you hear me? There is no way that I--
↓
881dfe8c-6275-4f75-88fb-94ed8896e565.gif
Get the car.
↓
9f7f4d4e-82cc-4f8c-bbcb-eb4d30d745cf.gif
- I can't see anything. - Do you wanna get blood all over the car?
blood
↓
4625b814-1793-4835-8014-085bbd9a941c.gif
Wait. We can't take the car. They'll know. Mom checked the odometer, remember?
checkedremember
↓
a57da7c9-d4f3-42df-8775-b699885a3cef.gif
I'm on top of it.
↓
f37fbafc-d244-4387-8c9c-5fedb3323b13.gif
Whee!
whee
↓
15f39a84-0f87-478b-ba63-318d753aa0ed.gif
Hi, school.
school
↓
7cf07dc3-90a6-46c8-a584-5059685fc49a.gif
Oh, Malcolm, you should see this. Francis is kicking ass.
franciskickingmalcolm
↓
0e6d3098-58e1-4cc6-8ff5-a3c81d62f16d.gif
I hate this '80s crap.
hate
↓
f725e960-900b-4f9d-a848-db5240b2270f.gif
One good thing about a head injury.
headinjury
↓
871de1f6-b5ec-4a32-b48d-587138ebd3ba.gif
There's a good chance I won't remember any of this.
chanceremember
↓
355db132-2aed-49ae-bb70-4e52565a9fe0.gif
Great. A one-way street. How does that work if I'm going backwards?
backwardsstreet
↓
9ef5922e-c1a5-4637-ac6c-277305878053.gif
And on this joyous day,
joyous
↓
22a3065d-bb96-46c5-9f20-c947e213bdec.gif
as we celebrate the occasion of two souls joining into one.
celebratejoiningoccasionsouls
↓
99cbd6c8-186c-4093-8181-b29075a77a9b.gif
Now, do you...
↓
b2ca7dca-8148-4b6c-9eac-bdb08249a38d.gif
You think this is gonna be one of those long services?
services
↓
67167c2a-6c2b-4543-93a9-3e6d591a4766.gif
That you will at all times...
times
↓
532d86fa-dbab-47d3-bc93-89dd484e1317.gif
What's wrong?
↓
0c1b9c10-7a15-409c-9f11-7cea9dcb6377.gif
...conduct yourself toward one another...
anotherconduct
↓
0a8a79a7-1dd4-4acd-bda2-4c1061ae983c.gif
Did you know that your family has given me a nickname?
familygivennickname
↓
8aa474fd-5a77-41e7-be69-739bb27a3a21.gif
Really? That's nice. What is it?
↓
f344b96b-e5af-4bba-8a2e-8eb5572e5922.gif
Lois Common Denominator.
commonlois
↓
c8038ba4-81cf-4ad6-a60f-0fc6d649dda8.gif
Hey, come on.
↓
cafc31b3-d278-4dfa-bd9c-e1c10a832037.gif
It's just that they've never seen anyone like you.
seen
↓
e7c2d291-0b22-45c7-9b8a-5fb4ee12ee87.gif
I mean, you're honest, and... unpretentious.
honest
↓
e1f695eb-9127-41ff-9b6c-482583e58ccc.gif
Direct.
direct
↓
b2923d5a-3209-4fe1-91f0-e0e51454d6c3.gif
They're baffled by that.
↓
828fb41e-e6b5-41d9-9e90-b853d41f155b.gif
I'm the only one that gets you, Lois.
lois
↓
74b7b10c-3d78-4901-bb40-9c055a7559bf.gif
And, frankly, I...
frankly
↓
22b1b62a-7ecf-48ef-b34a-c970e09cb04a.gif
I like that.
↓
7d39f5c6-148f-43f9-8985-581f0d97c31a.gif
Kind of makes you my secret treasure.
makessecrettreasure
↓
727e83da-f65b-4b5c-984e-d13debfcd8c6.gif
Oh, Hal.
↓
16aefa69-ea96-429e-9b65-9a20064853a3.gif
Between the Lord and us, his servants,
lordservants
↓
3f6796bc-f9e6-4c73-93be-8edb789d8409.gif
two people brought together in love--
broughtlove
↓
6b5b7c3b-57a7-430c-b2bf-b23db415a407.gif
Mm.
↓
6f3431c3-e9ef-4947-ae85-456723b18135.gif
Oh, for God's sake. You kids again?
godsgods-sakekidssake
↓
f9dd215a-5fd8-4995-b571-cd22836042fe.gif
And a head injury.
headinjury
↓
4e9818ff-b53a-4ae5-a8e6-ae5380aed378.gif
You boys like to keep it interesting, don't you?
boysinteresting
↓
ea51b802-c382-495a-b254-a4931e521989.gif
We kind of have a history here.
history
↓
88c1b064-10cc-4844-ab4b-61be836f4d35.gif
♪ I was in the right place But it must have been the wrong time ♪
mustplace
↓
6e92ac9c-6042-4415-a9c6-8c8d78afcfa9.gif
♪ I've have said the right thing But I must have used the wrong line ♪
linemustused
↓
fd1bd393-9987-4ede-968e-f0c0c22ad191.gif
♪ I was in the right world, but it seems Like it's wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong ♪
seemsworld
↓
205e0483-ce50-4ada-baec-9f5b0cbcad17.gif
- Look, doc, about the bill... - Don't worry.
billworry
↓
098b2013-8675-4cc8-9703-a2dbc75737ae.gif
We'll send it to your parents.
parentssend
↓
7fcb7033-91be-4e5c-8b86-836d2246ed30.gif
Yeah, well, we were kind of thinking we'd pay for it now.
thinking
↓
ecbde4d2-5d93-4a8a-888e-b791152fac62.gif
Okey-dokey, but it's probably gonna be about $400.
dokeyokeyokey-dokey
↓
dabee179-9b9d-405a-8e6f-e2ee973993fc.gif
- What? - Four hundred?
fourfour-hundredhundred
↓
c65fba75-43b3-427a-b9b7-85d19f65b00a.gif
Don't you have some kind of frequent customer discount like at the car wash?
customerdiscountfrequentwash
↓
c1dc73c3-2623-4b7e-9b55-8da202d1e73d.gif
Or maybe we could work it off. We could empty bedpans or wash cadavers.
bedpansemptywash
↓
4d4bed10-22e8-4eb6-8de1-3cf995194902.gif
Probably not nearly as cool as it sounds.
coolnearlysounds
↓
8147465a-8c36-4279-b44f-b884378e6f47.gif
Sorry.
↓
ade952da-d64f-4d27-be61-64265a138874.gif
Well, we're screwed.
screwed
↓
7e43a867-59cd-4296-929b-8ee7a8511b7f.gif
Come on, there's got to be something we can do,
↓
bb5b72a9-4228-4910-8206-b36a4a95b4a4.gif
- someone we can call. - There's no one, Malcolm.
malcolm
↓
cc9eaf98-d266-47d1-8687-4544e65e5803.gif
There might be, but I'm not sure if it's worth it.
mightworth
↓
4e56a8f9-a119-4add-b3c0-ad71f3b2e50f.gif
Oh, Malcolm.
malcolm
↓
4587dd5a-030f-4ae4-9b91-3419d5ac5b8d.gif
Are you all right? Sorry it took me so long.
↓
44cea0d3-f91f-4175-b943-541fdb3880eb.gif
I was having Chardonnay when you called, I had to take a cab.
calledchardonnayhaving
↓
66f801ae-4abb-4b68-a2c6-2d028660ccfe.gif
Oh, God, I knew we made a deeper connection.
connectiondeeper
↓
f7f9b76e-8d3e-471a-b226-6b0b33f5ec81.gif
I just knew it. I know it's gonna be hard to turn against your parents,
hardparents
↓
d3202871-5f9d-4d35-9ec4-fcfc0955eaee.gif
- but in time, you'll see-- - No. You don't understand.
↓
f410cf2e-a6c4-4679-9657-9ae06f79e769.gif
My parents didn't do this. It was just an accident.
accidentparents
↓
91daf1c9-0a9b-4d9b-89c3-9d3d87af8af1.gif
- And they can't find out about it. - What?
↓
d8dc56dc-05e6-441e-a70e-0f7dc70038cc.gif
It's kind of complicated. See, my parents are away at a wedding,
complicatedparentswedding
↓
7efd3072-5d8c-4cfe-b9bc-ecec8380f5db.gif
my brother is home to take care of us.
brothercarehome
↓
9c08634f-8b5f-46cb-a46e-0fc243e03daf.gif
And I don't think people should be punished
punished
↓
f58f9c15-69b1-40e7-87ca-098a9692dee0.gif
just because their dad uses cheap nails.
cheapnailsuses
↓
a85d5bc1-6f04-43f5-95b8-93d0a70176a4.gif
- And we need-- - We need $400, lady.
lady
↓
3f89b3fd-7161-4bb6-9db8-fe2664de120d.gif
Will you let me talk?
↓
29a65857-e137-4af6-9ba5-ec0fff5efe76.gif
We need the money for the doctor bill
billdoctormoney
↓
00959d9b-12dc-4cf5-b6e9-b2d492f28bee.gif
because if my parents find out that I got hurt,
hurtparents
↓
2d9bfad9-2ee0-4fab-ac2e-9f539d9e6754.gif
they'll send Francis away, and we'll never see him again,
francissend
↓
49c6a5a3-1abc-45de-b2f0-9a29eeda1d1f.gif
and, you know, we love him.
love
↓
f4cdf19a-2866-489b-80cd-48bf02186e60.gif
Malcolm, I can't do that.
malcolm
↓
7f60be8d-c3f0-40ea-8f62-7d2ada93e7d6.gif
But you said, if I ever needed anything--
needed
↓
208f386b-0f85-43dc-85f3-db548312607b.gif
Yes, I was talking about emotional stuff.
emotionalstuff
↓
2bc97685-1dd7-4a4c-8f32-bca5d9928073.gif
I...
↓
e8329b01-f5a1-4504-b4e9-f44e4b9a3abc.gif
Do you have any idea what a teacher earns? I have $62 in my checking account.
accountcheckingideateacher
↓
d86c50c5-fafd-48a5-8eb9-843f317ad84b.gif
- They take credit cards. - I'm sorry.
cardscreditcredit-cards
↓
6dc77561-dccb-4be5-8c9a-5140f2470e1c.gif
I'm-- I'm just sorry.
↓
c47366e3-e424-4e0d-94b7-f5bf1f3c2608.gif
- We can break her. - Guilt. Go for guilt.
breakguilt
↓
b2e51837-3267-4d83-a17b-4dbc0e744477.gif
I got it.
↓
46f1d09a-5838-46c2-aa8a-ea75e867aacc.gif
That's okay. Thanks, anyway.
thanks
↓
5b265492-9d2b-4f43-a223-6e54042a77bb.gif
Well, squirt, looks like I'm gonna be going back to military school
militarymilitary-schoolschoolsquirt
↓
03738d98-5a9b-4c5f-ab93-3fec6f08efdc.gif
and I'm not going to see you for a really, really long time.
↓
e1ac9568-d0bf-4fbc-bb1c-505f245ea65b.gif
But I need you to be brave. Can you do that for me, squirt?
bravesquirt
↓
404f3147-e141-4f70-8ca8-8236ebe23212.gif
- Stop, Francis. - I wish I could, kiddo, but I can't.
franciskiddowish
↓
e38281cd-22cc-479b-9d2e-5943a3f2d4dc.gif
Why are you doing this?
↓
e01d84f4-0ac0-4e49-bfb0-aebaac7eb46f.gif
I'm not doing this, Dewey. It's just the way life is sometimes.
deweylifesometimes
↓
fd5fa8fd-b37d-476b-8edd-334b491eb907.gif
Please stop crying.
crying
↓
23aad421-d6f3-443e-8cf8-d45541ad6e9b.gif
- It hurts. - I know it does. It hurts me too.
hurts
↓
b7873827-d816-4162-a456-a07300e83348.gif
Wait! I'll do it.
↓
bed9cee2-1259-492c-b55e-95b101da130c.gif
I guess Jamaica isn't going anywhere.
jamaica
↓
2b0ff5ee-7444-4f68-846d-ab5ddba2dd0f.gif
- Where is my credit card? - It fell out of your wallet.
cardcreditcredit-cardfellwallet
↓
b8a5ddec-bc91-42a9-a1dc-f01d413e07a1.gif
- How did that happen? It... - Let's go.
happen
↓
13ac2643-5973-4bd4-b20b-44c3e41d60eb.gif
Processing is over there.
processing
↓
396a4b82-7b7c-4b0b-9abd-528d3cf6c1cd.gif
It's right near the vending machines. Do you have any change?
changemachinesnearvendingvending-machines
↓
498c116c-610b-43b2-abdc-0122254c85e6.gif
Thank you.
↓
a84bfeee-eee1-4261-a6e3-c8002d559158.gif
Way to take one for the team, buddy. When we get home,
buddyhometeam
↓
dc9746ab-fbed-4e25-9604-b54d20c06a0a.gif
- you can eat ice cream until you puke. - Yay.
creampuke
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Hey! Ocupado!
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Huh.
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Well, I don't see any holes or crappy attempts to plaster them up.
attemptscrappyholes
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But I'm sure there's something.
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There's always something.
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- What are you hiding underneath that hat? - Nothing. I was just wearing--
hidingunderneathwearing
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You boys.
boys
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That's it?
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So you guys think Francis did a good job taking care of us, then?
carefrancis
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Oh, a great job.
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- Yeah? - Absolutely.
absolutely
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Francis, we were having our doubts about that school, but it's really matured you.
doubtsfrancishavingschool
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In fact, I think it's the best decision we ever made.
bestdecisionfact
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62,437. Kids: zero.
kidszero
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♪ Such a lovely day... ♪
lovely
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So we get to see Francis again in a month or two.
francismonth
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I know. It sucks, but we gave it a shot.
shotsucks
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And school's easier now
easierschools
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because Caroline won't even make eye contact with me anymore,
anymorecarolinecontact
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so it wasn't a complete waste.
completewaste
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And Mom always says
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it's not a wasted experience if you learn something from it.
experiencelearnwasted
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And I definitely think I did.
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Okay! Ready!
ready
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Hyah!
hyah