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Home » Detroiters » S02E01 — April in the D

Detroiters

Season 2, Episode 1 — April in the D

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Detroiters

Episode title: April in the D

Air date: June 21, 2018

Top billed cast: Sam Richardson, Tim Robinson

Cramblin Duvet hits a hot streak; Sam and Tim help Sheila find a lawyer after she gets a DUI.

Source: TMDB

↓

- And the commercial would begin with a cartoon version

begin cartoon commercial version

↓

of you who keeps popping up and talking about all the deals

deals keeps popping

↓

you have at Mr. Alvin's.

↓

- [gravelly voice] Oh, I love that.

love voice

↓

Looks just like me.

↓

- Yeah, we figured that he'd keep on

figured

↓

popping up and he'd be like,

popping

↓

[gravelly voice] "Come on down to Mr. Alvin's.

voice

↓

We've got FILA 29, or two for 50."

↓

- [gravelly voice] "Nike, 29 or two for 50."

nike voice

↓

- Why does he sound like that?

sound

↓

- I'm sorry?

↓

- Why does the cartoon sound like that?

cartoon sound

↓

- Oh, he doesn't.

↓

- Yeah. [stammering]

stammering

↓

You do. You sound like that.

sound

↓

- That's right.

↓

- I like the cartoon.

cartoon

↓

Just don't make him sound all stupid and shit.

sound stupid

↓

- Have you heard your voice?

heard voice

↓

- That is our eighth yes in a row!

eighth

↓

- My friend, we are officially on a hot streak.

friend officially streak

↓

- Officially! - Officially!

officially

↓

- Gentlemen, are you ready to go to dinner?

dinner gentlemen ready

↓

- What are you talking about?

↓

- Oh sh--

↓

Oh, yes. - No.

↓

- That's right. - Dinner.

dinner

↓

- Oh, your anniversary dinner!

anniversary dinner

↓

Oh, well, two reasons to celebrate!

celebrate reasons

↓

Shall we go?

↓

- Guys, you're dressed like shit.

dressed

↓

- Yeah, but you look like

↓

you're about to go on the Titanic.

titanic

↓

- Oh, boom, beast. Let's go.

beast boom

↓

- Come on, let's go! - Come on now!

↓

[gentle music]

gentle gentle-music music

↓

- I guess you didn't like your food.

food

↓

- Then why'd I finish it, butt-munch?

butt butt-munch finish munch whyd

↓

- Don't be an asshole.

asshole

↓

To Sheila!

sheila

↓

And her 50 years with the company!

company years

↓

- That old gray mare is still what she used to be.

gray used

↓

- [laughing]

laughing

↓

- You must have seen it all.

must seen

↓

- Yeah, what was it like back when you started, Sheila?

sheila started

↓

- It was the golden age of advertising.

advertising golden

↓

And your father was the best.

best father

↓

I even had my moment.

moment

↓

Did you know I came up

↓

with the tagline for Wick's pantyhose?

tagline

↓

"Control top to make him lose control."

control lose lose-control

↓

- [chuckles] That's pretty racy.

chuckles

↓

- I was talking about making the man ejaculate early.

early

↓

- Oh, cool. - Mm-hmm.

cool

↓

- Of course there was no credit and I wasn't paid,

course credit paid

↓

because I was just a secretary.

secretary

↓

It was a different world back then.

world

↓

Sam, you would've had a hell of a time.

wouldve

↓

- Oh, I know. - Yeah, we all would've.

wouldve

↓

- Well--

↓

- We all would've had a bad time.

wouldve

↓

- Not the same.

↓

Well, happy 50th, Sheila.

happy sheila

↓

- And happy hot streak!

happy streak

↓

- Eight in a row, baby!

baby eight

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

- Gentlemen, thank you.

gentlemen

↓

You've made an old lady very, very drunk.

drunk lady

↓

- We'll walk you out. - No, no, no, no, no.

walk

↓

We got that big pitch tomorrow.

pitch tomorrow

↓

We have to get hammered so we can get a good night's rest.

hammered nights rest

↓

- Oh, that's right. You know how to get out, Sheila.

sheila

↓

Same way you came in, just backwards.

backwards

↓

- You good to get home?

home

↓

You're gonna take an Uber, right?

uber

↓

- Oh, yeah.

↓

- This beer's giving me heartburn.

beers giving heartburn

↓

I gotta switch over to Bob Seger's diet tequila.

diet switch tequila

↓

- Yeah, me too. Excuse me, waiter?

excuse waiter

↓

Can we have two "Light Moves," please?

light moves

↓

[upbeat music]

music upbeat upbeat-music

↓

- Tim Cramblin?

cramblin

↓

- Yes, I'm Tim Cramblin. - Come on, asshole.

asshole cramblin

↓

- Yep, I'm Tim Cramblin, and I'm gonna take a dump

cramblin dump

↓

in the backseat of your car.

backseat

↓

- Don't you take a dump back there, Tim Cramblin!

cramblin dump

↓

- Oh, I'm gonna. - Asshole!

asshole

↓

Stop trying to lower my rating!

lower rating

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- ♪ Next time when they ask you where you're from ♪

↓

♪ You gonna say Detroit City ♪

city detroit detroit-city

↓

♪ Where we get you back on your feet ♪

feet

↓

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

↓

- When we get in there, let me do the talking.

↓

- Why?

↓

- Let me do some of the talking.

↓

- Well, yeah.

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

- Aw, damn it!

↓

Ryan Lepchek from Doner Advertising.

advertising doner lepchek ryan ryan-lepchek

↓

- We're dead.

dead

↓

- Oh my God. Tim! Sam.

↓

- Suck it, Lepchek!

lepchek suck

↓

- Suck it, Cramblin!

cramblin suck

↓

Wow, pitching the Science Center, huh?

center pitching science science-center

↓

It's certainly a step up for you fellas.

certainly fellas step

↓

- Step down for you. - [laughs]

laughs step

↓

- Oh, okay. Well, look, good luck in there, all right?

luck

↓

And good on you guys, swinging for the fences.

fences swinging

↓

- Bad on you, swinging an aluminum bat

aluminum swinging

↓

to the back of your head.

head

↓

- Boom! You're a vegetable!

boom vegetable

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

- Thank God we're not at the zoo.

↓

That place stinks like shit!

place stinks

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

- Detroit Zoo is a prison for animals!

animals detroit prison

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

[funky music]

funky funky-music music

↓

- Nine in a row!

nine

↓

- The Science Center is another level!

another center level science science-center

↓

- Yeah, man! It's the Science Center!

center science science-center

↓

We beat Ryan Lepchek from Doner!

beat doner lepchek ryan ryan-lepchek

↓

- With a yes in the room!

room

↓

- Uh-huh.

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- You want to ride it again? One more time?

ride

↓

- Yeah, let's ride it again. - One more time.

ride

↓

- One more time and then we'll come back up

↓

and then do it another time after that.

another

↓

- It's gonna be okay, Sheila.

sheila

↓

- It took me a while to realize it was perfume and not cologne.

cologne perfume realize

↓

I still like it. - I think you're good to go.

↓

- Why didn't you call her a cab?

↓

- What? Sheila, what happened?

happened sheila

↓

- She got a DUI after your dinner last night.

dinner night

↓

- Sheila, we asked you if you were gonna take an Uber,

asked sheila uber

↓

and you said yes!

↓

- I don't know what Uber is!

uber

↓

- Why did you say yes?

↓

- I didn't want to seem old!

↓

- Oh, Sheila, you're not old.

sheila

↓

- Uh, Tommy, Sheila is old, so...

sheila tommy

↓

- You know what, Sheila? We'll get you a lawyer.

lawyer sheila

↓

We'll take care of everything.

care

↓

- Tommy, not the head!

head tommy

↓

- Not the head, Tommy. - Tommy.

head tommy

↓

Okay, so I've narrowed it down to two lawyers.

lawyers narrowed

↓

- Do you know your rights? Because I do.

rights

↓

If you are weak, I will fight for you.

fight weak

↓

And if you are strong, we will fight together.

fight strong

↓

I am Joumana Kayrouz.

↓

[whip cracks]

cracks whip

↓

- I like her. - Yeah. Check this guy out.

check

↓

- Have you been injured in an accident or a slip and fall?

accident fall injured slip

↓

Call me, Walt Worsch.

walt walt-worsch worsch

↓

I'll try my best.

best

↓

- I got hit by a city bus,

city

↓

and Walt got me some of the money I asked for.

asked money walt

↓

- I got arrested for drunk driving.

arrested driving drunk

↓

I got found guilty and served six months.

found guilty months served

↓

But I could tell Walt tried as hard as he could.

hard tried walt

↓

He even cussed when we lost.

lost

↓

- Call 313-Waltries.

waltries

↓

I'm Walt Worsch, and I try my best.

best walt walt-worsch worsch

↓

- He included a testimonial from a guy who lost?

included lost testimonial

↓

- Yeah.

↓

- I mean, I think we gotta go with Joumana.

↓

- Whoa, wait a minute. Look at this.

minute whoa

↓

Walt Worsch has an "April in the D" video?

april video walt walt-worsch worsch

↓

- Hey, what's up, Detroit?

detroit

↓

It's April in the D, that magical month

april magical month

↓

when the Pistons, Red Wings, and the Tigers

pistons tigers wings

↓

are all playing at the same time.

playing

↓

This is my video submission for the Fox Sports Detroit

detroit sports submission video

↓

theme song contest.

contest song theme theme-song

↓

Please vote for me. Check it out.

check vote

↓

♪ Pistons and Tigers and Red Wings oh my ♪

pistons tigers wings

↓

♪ It's April in the D ♪

april

↓

♪ Three Detroit sports teams playing at one time ♪

detroit playing sports teams three

↓

♪ All Detroit ladies looking oh so fine ♪

detroit ladies looking

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- He is so confident.

confident

↓

- I meant that's how he should be in his ads, right?

meant

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- Ooh, you know what? If we hire him to represent Sheila,

hire represent sheila

↓

that would be a foot in the door for his business.

business door foot

↓

- Uh-huh.

↓

- And if we got his business, that would be ten in a row.

business

↓

- Ten in a row.

↓

- ♪ It's April in the D ♪

april

↓

Well, I'll do my best, guys,

best

↓

but I can't make any promises.

promises

↓

DUIs are tough.

tough

↓

- Will they take away my driver's license?

drivers drivers-license license

↓

- I do not know.

↓

Look, to be honest,

honest

↓

I'm kind of a mack when it comes to dog bites.

bites comes mack

↓

When the officer pulled you over, did you get bit by a dog?

officer pulled

↓

- No. - Oh, crap.

↓

'Cause I'm kind of a mack at dog bites.

bites mack

↓

- Gentlemen, shall we go? - Oh, hold on a minute.

gentlemen minute

↓

He didn't say he was bad at DUIs.

↓

He just said he's a mack at dog bites.

bites mack

↓

- Kind of a mack. - Kind of a mack.

mack

↓

- Thank you for your time, Walter.

walter

↓

But we really need to meet with other lawyers

lawyers meet

↓

before we make a decision.

decision

↓

- Now hold on, Sheila. I mean, after all,

sheila

↓

we are footing the bill here.

bill

↓

And I think Walter here might secretly be

might secretly walter

↓

the best lawyer in town.

best lawyer town

↓

- I'm not. I'm not.

↓

- Look, Walt, we--we saw your "April in the D" video.

april video walt

↓

- Oh, boy.

↓

- And it's breathtaking.

↓

I mean, you exude confidence. - Yeah, you ooze it.

confidence ooze

↓

But in your commercials you come off a little bit stiff.

commercials stiff

↓

And in person. - But we can help with that.

person

↓

- That's not why we're here. - Shh.

↓

- You see, we run a small advertising firm

advertising firm

↓

that's on a little bit of a hot streak.

streak

↓

- Oh, really. Would I know any of your clients?

clients

↓

- Um...the Michigan Science Center.

center michigan science science-center

↓

- Whoa. The Science Center? Holy shit!

center holy science science-center whoa

↓

What are those guys really like?

↓

- They're honestly so nice.

↓

- I knew it. - Mm-hmm.

↓

- So what do you say, Walt?

walt

↓

How about you let us put that rock star

rock rock-star star

↓

from that "April in the D" video

april video

↓

in a commercial for your law firm?

commercial firm

↓

- Ms. Portnadi, it looks like you got yourself a lawyer.

lawyer portnadi

↓

And if we're being 100, it would help me out a ton

↓

if you get bit by a dog between now and the court date.

court date

↓

- I'm not getting bit by a dog.

↓

- Okay, well, I wouldn't be doing my job

↓

if I didn't suggest it.

suggest

↓

And really, between you and I, it's really easy.

easy

↓

Just wait until they're eating, and then you grab their crotch.

crotch eating grab

↓

So...yeah.

↓

[hip hop music]

music

↓

- Ten in a row! - Walt Worsch, baby!

baby walt walt-worsch worsch

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- I'm Walt Worsch. - ♪ 313-Waltries ♪

walt walt-worsch waltries worsch

↓

- Have you been the victim of an accident or a bite?

accident bite victim

↓

[gavel bangs]

bangs gavel

↓

- I will fight for you. - ♪ 313-Waltries ♪

fight waltries

↓

[gavel bangs]

bangs gavel

↓

- And I always try my best.

best

↓

- ♪ 313-Waltries ♪

waltries

↓

♪ ♪

↓

♪ 313-Waltries, I try my best ♪

best waltries

↓

- That one's ours.

ones

↓

- Excuse me, ma'am?

excuse maam

↓

That commercial that just played, ours!

commercial played

↓

- A local man is in dire need of a kidney tonight

dire kidney local tonight

↓

and he's not telling anyone why.

telling

↓

But first, a different story. - Excuse me.

excuse story

↓

Do you know what this meeting is about?

meeting

↓

- I don't.

↓

- Oh, well, they were very vague on the phone, so...

phone vague

↓

- Well, I'm sorry. I can't help you.

↓

- Well, you should get some desk candies

candies desk

↓

that don't taste like medicine.

medicine taste

↓

- That is my medicine.

medicine

↓

- Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. [gags]

gags

↓

I'm so sorry I ate all your medicine. But you know what?

medicine

↓

You shouldn't keep 'em on the desk like that,

desk

↓

so really it's both of our faults, really.

faults

↓

- Yeah, it's both your fault. It's both your fault!

fault

↓

- ♪ Tim and Sam ♪

↓

Get up here. Can we get you anything?

↓

- I'll take a Vernors.

vernors

↓

- Vernors. I'll take a Vernors.

vernors

↓

Do you have any chips?

chips

↓

- You guys enjoying your Vernors?

enjoying vernors

↓

- [coughing]

coughing

↓

Yeah, I just drank it too fast.

drank fast

↓

- Yeah, you can't slug it too fast, or the bubbles--

bubbles fast slug

↓

- The bubbles. - [clearing throat]

bubbles clearing throat

↓

- So what's this all about?

↓

You pissed because we got the Science Center?

center pissed science science-center

↓

- Yeah, looks like we swung for the fences,

fences swung

↓

and your ass struck out. - [laughter]

laughter struck

↓

- We would like to buy Cramblin Duvet.

cramblin cramblin-duvet duvet

↓

- Is this a joke?

joke

↓

- 'Cause if it is a joke, I just want to say that I get it.

joke

↓

I get the joke, and I'm in on it also.

joke

↓

And it's hilarious. - No.

hilarious

↓

No, it's not a joke.

joke

↓

It's--you guys are up-and-coming, okay?

coming

↓

We want to get in on it before everyone else realizes.

realizes

↓

At Doner, we believe if you can't beat them,

beat believe doner

↓

you buy 'em.

↓

- What does--what does this mean, exactly?

↓

You'd own Cramblin Duvet-- - Correct. Mm-hmm.

correct cramblin cramblin-duvet duvet

↓

- So what would we do?

↓

We'd own Doner. - We'd own Doner, right.

doner

↓

Yeah. That's interesting.

interesting

↓

- Then yeah, I'll do it.

↓

- It's not a trade.

trade

↓

- Yeah, we know.

↓

- Yeah, I know. I'm not stupid.

stupid

↓

- Basically, you would be getting paid

paid

↓

to do exactly what you've been doing,

↓

you would just be doing it for Doner.

doner

↓

- And--and we would keep our name?

name

↓

- No, we would change the name.

change name

↓

- Team Viper. - Excuse me?

excuse team

↓

- Team Viper Snake Squad.

snake squad team

↓

- No, no. It would be under the umbrella of--

umbrella

↓

- Rowdy Boys. - Rowdy Boys. That's it.

boys rowdy rowdy-boys

↓

- Rowdy Boys. - Rowdy Boys.

boys rowdy rowdy-boys

↓

- Yeah, we're the Rowdy Boys. - Guys, look.

boys rowdy rowdy-boys

↓

I think you'll find it's a generous buyout fee, okay?

generous

↓

Not to mention a bump in salary,

bump mention salary

↓

and you'd have all of Doner's resources at your disposal.

disposal resources

↓

Seriously, you got something.

↓

You made the worst lawyer in town look cool.

cool lawyer town worst

↓

- I don't know if he's the worst.

worst

↓

- He's pretty bad. My cousin got bit by a dog.

cousin

↓

He couldn't do anything for him.

↓

- I thought he was a mack at dog bites.

bites mack

↓

- That's what he said.

↓

- Guys, think about it. Talk to your lawyer.

lawyer

↓

Sleep on it.

sleep

↓

- Well, I mean I'd rather sleep in a bed.

sleep

↓

[laughter] Not my best.

best laughter

↓

I'm a little overwhelmed, so who cares?

cares overwhelmed

↓

- Oh, my God.

↓

- Oh. - Oh, yeah.

↓

- I ate her medicine.

medicine

↓

And you should probably call a doctor for her.

doctor

↓

- Dani.

↓

- Ooh, you like her.

↓

[taps gavel] - Next!

gavel taps

↓

- Case 2251: The People vs. Sheila Portnadi.

case portnadi sheila

↓

Miss Portnadi was pulled over on Cass Avenue,

avenue miss portnadi pulled

↓

and her BAL was .09.

↓

- Counselor.

counselor

↓

- Your Honor, I'm not here to try my worst.

honor worst

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

All right, settle down, everybody.

everybody settle

↓

Your Honor, look at my client.

client honor

↓

Now close your eyes.

close eyes

↓

And imagine my client is not a woman, but a man.

client imagine woman

↓

And black.

black

↓

And named Barack Obama. - Your Honor--

barack honor named obama

↓

- And imagine that this arresting officer

arresting imagine officer

↓

is a dog, Your Honor.

honor

↓

Well, Your Honor, this dog bit my client.

client honor

↓

- Mr. Worsch.

worsch

↓

- Your Honor, I'm only...

honor

↓

♪ Trying my best ♪

best

↓

[cheering]

cheering

↓

- 16 hours community service.

community community-service hours service

↓

And Ms. Portnadi, in the future,

future portnadi

↓

take a cab, or get a better lawyer.

lawyer

↓

[gavel taps] Next.

gavel taps

↓

- 16 hours of community service.

community community-service hours service

↓

- Ah, Sheila. It won't be that bad.

sheila

↓

- It'll just be mowing the median on 75.

itll

↓

- Whoa, Walt, she's pretty old.

walt whoa

↓

- Yeah, well, it's the best I could do.

best

↓

- Hey, Walt, while we have you,

walt

↓

can we get your legal advice on something?

advice legal

↓

- Yeah, can you take a look at this contract?

contract

↓

It's an offer to buy our company.

company offer

↓

- Who offered to buy the company?

company offered

↓

- Ryan Lepchek from Doner.

doner lepchek ryan ryan-lepchek

↓

- When did this happen? - Earlier today.

happen today

↓

What do you think, Walt?

walt

↓

- Doner has way more money and way smarter people than you.

doner money smarter

↓

So if this deal is good on their end,

deal

↓

it's probably bad on your end.

↓

- Oh, well, couldn't it be a good deal for both of us?

deal

↓

- Are they smarter or are you smarter?

smarter

↓

- They're smarter, sir.

smarter

↓

- Then, no. Hey, you know what?

↓

Let's make this a working lunch.

lunch working

↓

How about Zoup, you two?

↓

- Ooh. - Yeah.

↓

- Sheila, good luck on 75.

luck sheila

↓

Bring a hat, because it gets so hot out there.

bring

↓

[upbeat music]

music upbeat upbeat-music

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- The testimonials aren't working.

working

↓

I can't find any cool kids here.

cool cool-kids kids

↓

- How about that guy?

↓

- Ugh.

↓

I wouldn't jerk that guy off with Freddy Krueger's hand.

freddy hand jerk

↓

- You just like come up with that?

↓

Was that a joke?

joke

↓

- Yeah. - Like a prepared joke?

joke prepared

↓

- I just thought of it. - Nobody just talks like that.

nobody talks

↓

- Nobody talks like that,

nobody talks

↓

and plus it doesn't even make sense.

plus sense

↓

Like Freddy Krueger's hand, like, the palm is still good.

freddy hand palm

↓

- Yeah, the palm does all the jerking off.

jerking palm

↓

- Enough. - Well, you got to find somebody.

somebody

↓

We told them we'd find testimonials

↓

of people saying science is cool.

cool science

↓

And it's not gonna be convincing coming from a dork.

coming convincing dork

↓

- Is it true you guys are selling the company?

company selling

↓

- Well, we'll let you know when we've made a decision.

decision

↓

Thank you very much, Lea.

↓

- Thank you. - Thank you very much.

↓

- I just don't think there's any amount of money

amount money

↓

that would allow me to take my dad's name off the wall.

allow dads name wall

↓

It's been there for 50 years.

years

↓

- Well, we say we want to return

return

↓

the company to its former glory.

company former glory

↓

This would do that. - Tommy's freaking out.

freaking tommys

↓

- Why, what's up?

↓

- He keeps saying how none of this is in the Bible.

bible keeps

↓

[whooshes]

whooshes

↓

[upbeat music]

music upbeat upbeat-music

↓

- Get the edge, Portnadi!

edge portnadi

↓

What is wrong with your head? Get the edge!

edge head

↓

They not gonna hit you! Get the edge!

edge

↓

- I'm scared!

scared

↓

- Oh, you're scared-scared, huh?

scared

↓

You should've thought about that

shouldve

↓

before you drove drunk-drunk.

drove drunk

↓

Get that edge!

edge

↓

Get that mower on that edge!

edge mower

↓

- Okay, now this is a work in progress.

progress

↓

- Unless, of course, you like it.

course

↓

- Yeah, if you like it, it can be the finished product.

finished product

↓

- Yeah. [laughter]

laughter

↓

- Come on down to the Michigan Science Center,

center michigan science science-center

↓

where science is cool.

cool science

↓

- This is fun, and I'm not even a nerd!

fun nerd

↓

- The word dork actually means whale penis.

dork penis whale word

↓

So I'm definitely not a dork.

dork

↓

- Do I look like a whale penis?

penis whale

↓

- [together] We're not dorks!

dorks

↓

- Would a dork do this?

dork

↓

- And even if you are a dork--- I'm not a dork!

dork

↓

- The Michigan Science Center is a bully-free zone.

bully center free michigan science science-center zone

↓

Our security guards are former bullies themselves.

bullies former guards security

↓

So they know what to look for.

↓

- Hey, watch out. I want to do it.

watch

↓

Hey, get your hands off me!

hands

↓

[exaggerated punching noise] Visit today!

noise punching today visit

↓

It's not just for dorks and nerds anymore!

anymore dorks nerds

↓

- I thought you said you were gonna get real testimonials.

real

↓

- We couldn't get any good ones.

ones

↓

- Yeah, besides, these actors seem very real.

actors besides real

↓

- No, they don't.

↓

- And not to mention you portrayed a Science Center

center mention science science-center

↓

employee hitting a child.

child employee hitting

↓

- A child bully. It's a very important distinction.

bully child distinction

↓

- Maybe we need to start looking for a different firm.

firm looking start

↓

- No, don't do that in front of us.

front

↓

I told you this is a work in progress.

progress

↓

- Look, Cramblin Duvet is as professional as any big firm.

cramblin cramblin-duvet duvet firm professional

↓

- How about we set up a meeting for next week?

meeting week

↓

Sheila, can you come in here?

sheila

↓

We'll have a whole new concept for you.

concept whole

↓

- Are you sure you're capable

capable

↓

of delivering a Science Center worthy ad?

center delivering science science-center worthy

↓

- No, they can't.

↓

These two guys are pieces of shit.

pieces

↓

- [chuckles nervously] - What?

chuckles chuckles-nervously nervously

↓

- I can assure you that we are not.

assure

↓

- She just got a DUI.

↓

- Guys, look, going with you guys

↓

was kind of just an experiment on our part.

experiment part

↓

We just wanted to try something fun and kitschy,

fun wanted

↓

but let's just face it, okay?

face

↓

We're the Science Center, and, frankly, you're not.

center frankly science science-center

↓

- That is devastating.

devastating

↓

[funky music]

funky funky-music music

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- ♪ That's not enough baby ♪

baby

↓

♪ No ♪

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- We're sorry we hired you a terrible lawyer.

hired lawyer

↓

- We wanted his business, and we were assholes.

assholes business wanted

↓

Please forgive us.

forgive

↓

- You were raging assholes.

assholes raging

↓

And you want to know what really pisses me off?

pisses

↓

I worked for this company for 50 years,

company worked years

↓

and you never once asked me what I thought

asked

↓

about you selling it.

selling

↓

When Big Hank left,

hank left

↓

I was the only employee who stuck with you.

employee stuck

↓

Now you just treat me like some old lady you have to deal with.

deal lady treat

↓

- You're right.

↓

- We're two idiots who you call gentlemen every day.

gentlemen idiots

↓

- You mean the world to us, Sheila.

sheila world

↓

And we'll do whatever it takes to show you

takes

↓

what you mean to the company.

company

↓

- Make me a partner.

partner

↓

- [laughs] - A partner?

laughs partner

↓

- No! - What are you talking about?

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

- Sorry. - Sorry.

↓

- We weren't expecting that. We got a little overwhelmed.

expecting overwhelmed

↓

- Yeah, you really had that locked and loaded, didn't you?

loaded locked

↓

- I have given it a lot of thought.

given

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- We'll make you a partner. - Silent partner.

partner silent

↓

- And I'll be involved with all the major decisions?

decisions involved major

↓

- Starting with the big one.

starting

↓

♪ ♪

↓

We've thought long and hard about your offer.

hard offer

↓

- Yes, and this is the amount that we are willing

amount willing

↓

to sell our company for.

company sell

↓

- Yes. Yeah. That's good.

↓

Here you go.

↓

Okay, I'll give it to you.

↓

Excuse me.

excuse

↓

Sorry.

↓

Don't act like it hurt, you idiot.

hurt idiot

↓

That's good. There we go.

↓

- What is this?

↓

- That is a middle finger, butt-munch.

butt butt-munch finger middle munch

↓

- Thank you for the offer and everything.

offer

↓

- But it's a respectful no.

respectful

↓

- That felt good.

↓

- Nice work, partner.

partner

↓

You good to drive?

drive

↓

- Oh, yeah.

↓

- ♪ I can laugh I can smile ♪

laugh smile

↓

♪ Hold my head way up high ♪

head

↓

♪ Baby it's all ♪

baby

↓

♪ All because of you ♪

↓

- Sheila, could you come in here for a second, please?

second sheila

↓

- Sheila, years ago, you did some work for this company

company sheila years

↓

that went uncredited, and we would like to fix that.

↓

- Here's the check

check

↓

you should've been paid 40 years ago.

paid shouldve years

↓

- Inflation not included.

included inflation

↓

- Oh, thank you, gentlemen.

gentlemen

↓

How do I cash it?

cash

↓

- Oh, you don't. It's like a ceremonial...

ceremonial

↓

- Do I take the whole thing to the bank?

bank whole

↓

- Wait, just don't cash it. It's like for you to have.

cash

↓

- Yeah, you just put it on the wall or something.

wall

↓

- Oh.

↓

- And we have another surprise for you.

another surprise

↓

I found Tim and Sam's April in the D video,

april found sams video

↓

and it really sucks.

sucks

↓

- No way it sucks.

sucks

↓

- ♪ April in the D April in the D ♪

april

↓

♪ April in the D April in the D ♪

april

↓

♪ You got the Tigers, the Pistons, the Red Wings, B ♪

pistons tigers wings

↓

♪ Everything you want right here in the D ♪

↓

♪ Hardwood, ice, and so much grass ♪

grass

↓

♪ Slapshots, hits, and bouncing chest pass ♪

bouncing chest hits pass

↓

♪ April in the D April in the D ♪

april

↓

♪ April in the D April in the D ♪

april

↓

♪ Three teams ♪

teams three

↓

♪ Three leagues ♪

leagues three

↓

♪ One dream ♪

dream

↓

- What are you laughing at? Sorry it's not Bing Crosby.

bing laughing

↓

- ♪ One Dream ♪

dream

↓

♪ Three teams Three leagues ♪

leagues teams three

↓

♪ One dream ♪

dream