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Home » Detroiters » S01E10 — Quick Rick Mahorn in Dearborn

Detroiters

Season 1, Episode 10 — Quick Rick Mahorn in Dearborn

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Detroiters

Episode title: Quick Rick Mahorn in Dearborn

Air date: April 11, 2017

Top billed cast: Sam Richardson, Tim Robinson

Tim and Sam discover that the Chrysler executive they ran over has led a terrible life ever since; after appearing in one of the guys’ ads, Pistons legend Rick Mahorn gets serious about acting.

Source: TMDB

↓

*

↓

- Oof. Another round?

another another-round round

↓

- No, I think I'm good.

↓

- It's open bar.

open

↓

- Let's get another round.

another another-round round

↓

- Yeah, let's get another round. Come on.

another another-round round

↓

- What a fun night. - Yeah.

fun night

↓

- I don't even care if we win.

care

↓

- Oh, we're gonna win.

↓

- Yeah, of course, totally,

course

↓

but I'm saying even if we don't win--

↓

- Yeah, we're gonna.

↓

- Yeah, no, I know. I mean, same page.

page

↓

I'm just saying that, you know, I'm so proud

proud

↓

of the work that we've done that I don't need

↓

the validation of my peers to make me feel good about it.

peers validation

↓

- Yeah. But we're gonna win. - Yes.

↓

I'll have four Boston Coolers.

boston four

↓

But put some booze in 'em.

booze

↓

- Can I have four White Russians?

four russians white

↓

Maybe put some booze in that?

booze

↓

Four more Boston Coolers.

boston four

↓

No booze.

booze

↓

I'll tell you what. You know what?

↓

Put some booze in them. A little booze in those.

booze

↓

- Wow, you guys must be thirsty.

must thirsty

↓

Carter Grant, VP of marketing, Chrysler?

carter carter-grant chrysler grant marketing

↓

- Well, not anymore.

anymore

↓

- No, same name.

name

↓

Um, I actually got fired.

fired

↓

- Well, I've hit a string of bad luck as of late.

late luck string

↓

It all started with that accident I was in.

accident started

↓

You guys remember that?

remember

↓

*

↓

- Doesn't ring a bell.

bell ring

↓

- Oh. Well, I got run over by some maniac.

maniac

↓

- It damaged your leg permanently?

damaged permanently

↓

- We are so sorry...

↓

that happened to you.

happened

↓

- Well, no, no.

↓

This is actually, uh, from a separate incident.

incident separate

↓

Actually, the doctor that I had after the hit-and-run

doctor

↓

got me back in tip-top shape.

shape

↓

Yeah, he was great.

↓

In fact, he was so great that my wife left me for him.

fact left wife

↓

- Carter! - No, I'm being serious.

carter serious

↓

- Oh, crap. - Yeah, it's all right.

↓

No, it's okay. It was my fault, though.

fault

↓

You know, uh, all the pain meds

meds pain

↓

that I was on in the hospital got me drinking again,

drinking hospital

↓

and that was something I promised her I'd never do.

promised

↓

You know, that led to my accident.

accident

↓

- Drunk driving. - Oh, no, no, no.

driving drunk

↓

This was actually from mixed martial arts fighting.

arts fighting martial martial-arts mixed

↓

Yeah, guy ripped off my patella.

ripped

↓

I just sort of threw myself into it after Susan left me.

left susan threw

↓

I was horrible at it, you know.

horrible

↓

Just kept getting my ass kicked by black guys.

black kicked

↓

- 'Cause I could beat all the white guys.

beat white

↓

- Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah.

↓

- No, I thought this injury was my rock bottom,

bottom injury rock rock-bottom

↓

but, uh, well, then this happened.

happened

↓

- Luke Skywalker hand! - Whoa!

hand luke skywalker whoa

↓

- Yeah.

↓

- Yeah, well, you're gonna think this is made up,

↓

but my dad cut off my hand.

hand

↓

- Oh! - Yeah.

↓

Hey, silver lining, it did sober me up. Yeah.

lining silver silver-lining sober

↓

And I got rehired back at Chrysler.

chrysler

↓

- Oh, good. - Yeah.

↓

- By my old protégé, who's now the VP of marketing.

marketing

↓

Half the salary, got a cubicle instead of an office,

cubicle half office salary

↓

so yep, it's been a long,

↓

rough road recently for old Carter Grant.

carter carter-grant grant recently road rough

↓

I'll tell you what.

↓

Winning a D Award tonight,

award tonight winning

↓

that'll make the pain go away.

pain thatll

↓

We're actually up for the last ad

↓

we made under my watch.

watch

↓

Oh, it was the Chrysler Pacifica spot

chrysler spot

↓

that you guys missed out on.

missed

↓

- Wait, that campaign was for a specific car?

campaign specific

↓

I thought it was just for Chrysler in general.

chrysler general

↓

- No, car companies don't really make generic commercials

commercials companies generic

↓

for the entire brand.

brand entire

↓

- If you want a specific car, get a Chrysler Pacifica.

chrysler specific

↓

- It's a little late.

late

↓

And not very good.

↓

- Understand.

↓

- Looks like your drinks are here.

drinks

↓

- Oh, yeah.

↓

Well... good luck, Carter.

carter luck

↓

- Yeah, good luck.

luck

↓

- Thanks, guys.

thanks

↓

Really appreciate it.

appreciate

↓

You remind me of, uh, better times.

remind times

↓

I should go sit down,

↓

as I'm in a great deal of pain.

deal pain

↓

Okay.

↓

- Excuse me. Could we...

excuse

↓

- Like, a tray or something?

tray

↓

Something to carry this? - Just a tray--

carry tray

↓

What you've done here is ridiculous.

ridiculous

↓

- * Next time

↓

* When they ask you

↓

* Where you're from *

↓

* You gon' say Detroit city *

city detroit detroit-city

↓

* When we get back on our feet, yeah *

feet

↓

* Yeah

↓

- Ladies and gentlemen,

gentlemen ladies

↓

please welcome to the stage our host for the evening,

evening host stage welcome

↓

Detroit's favorite son,

detroits favorite

↓

the cohost of "Tool Time,"

tool

↓

Al Borland!

borland

↓

- Thank you very much.

↓

Uh, you know, I asked them not to introduce me like that.

asked introduce

↓

Al Borland is a fictional character

borland character fictional

↓

from a show called "Home Improvement."

called home improvement

↓

I am not Al Borland.

borland

↓

I'm Richard Karn, and I'd like to welcome you

richard welcome

↓

to Detroit Advertising's night of the year:

detroit night

↓

the D Awards!

awards

↓

I'll tell you, the producers asked me

asked producers

↓

not to sing tonight.

sing tonight

↓

Yeah, right.

↓

Maestro!

↓

*

↓

*

↓

* Well, tonight is your night

night tonight

↓

* And the light is just right

light

↓

* If you try you just might *

might

↓

* Win a D tonight

tonight

↓

And the D for graphic design...

design graphic

↓

* Let your dreams take flight

dreams flight

↓

Pomerantz and Klein!

klein pomerantz

↓

* High in the sky like a kite

kite

↓

Crazy Morgan.

crazy morgan

↓

* With this D

↓

* You're the best there can be *

best

↓

* Oh, say, can you see

↓

* At the D Awards tonight

awards tonight

↓

Okay, folks, this is it.

folks

↓

The D Award for Consumer TV: Thirty Second Single.

award consumer second single thirty

↓

First up, Downriver Ale from Doner.

doner downriver

↓

Kid Rock: Detroit. A city on its knees.

city detroit knees rock

↓

But we're ready to get back up and stand tall.

ready stand tall

↓

This is our town, and this is our beer:

beer town

↓

Downriver Ale.

downriver

↓

- Little Caesars, also from Doner.

caesars doner

↓

Kid Rock: Detroit.

detroit rock

↓

It's not the size of the dog in the fight.

fight size

↓

It's the size of the fight in the dog.

fight size

↓

Kid Rock: Little Caesars.

caesars rock

↓

This is our pizza pizza.

pizza pizza-pizza

↓

- Chrysler Pacifica from Pomerantz and Klein.

chrysler klein pomerantz

↓

Kid Rock: Detroit knows a little something

detroit knows rock

↓

about hard work.

hard

↓

Those other towns?

towns

↓

They're hardly working.

hardly working

↓

Chrysler Pacifica.

chrysler

↓

This is our car.

↓

- And finally,

finally

↓

Quick Rick Mahorn in Dearborn.

mahorn quick rick rick-mahorn

↓

Cramblin

cramblin

↓

Rick Mahorn from the Pistons has a car dealership?

mahorn pistons rick rick-mahorn

↓

I did not know that.

↓

Let's take a look.

↓

- Who's the superhero saving Detroit from high prices?

detroit prices saving superhero

↓

Quick Rick Mahorn in Dearborn!

mahorn quick rick rick-mahorn

↓

- Help! I need to buy a car fast!

fast

↓

Who can help me?

↓

- I can help you.

↓

It's me, Quick Rick Mahorn of Dearborn.

mahorn quick rick rick-mahorn

↓

My parents were killed in an alley,

alley killed parents

↓

so I became a superhero who can run fast.

became fast superhero

↓

I can put you into an affordable used car like that.

used

↓

- Thanks, Rick Mahorn. That was fast.

fast mahorn rick rick-mahorn thanks

↓

- My work here is done.

↓

I think I'll run to France and get me a croissant.

france

↓

Ooh, la, la.

↓

You want a fast deal,

deal fast

↓

come to Quick Rick Mahorn in Dearborn.

mahorn quick rick rick-mahorn

↓

- * On Greenfield and Warren next to the big brown house *

brown house

↓

- And the winner is...

winner

↓

Doner, Downriver Ale!

doner downriver

↓

- Bullshit!

bullshit

↓

- We'll get 'em next time, bud.

↓

- Even if we don't, it's still fun.

fun

↓

- We'll get 'em next time.

↓

- All right. - Uh, guys.

↓

- Hey, Carter. Tough break, man.

break carter tough tough-break

↓

- It's all right.

↓

You know, you win some,

↓

you lose...everything.

lose

↓

Who knew everyone was gonna use Kid Rock, right?

rock

↓

- Yeah, there was a lot of Kid Rock.

rock

↓

- There was. There really was.

↓

Anyway, um, this is Judy Thompson.

judy thompson

↓

She's director of marketing for Quicken Loans.

director loans marketing quicken quicken-loans

↓

They're actually, uh, on the hunt for a new agency.

agency hunt

↓

Yeah, someone small and local, and I--

local

↓

well, you know, I recommended you guys.

recommended

↓

- Carter raves about you two.

carter

↓

I'd love to meet with you next week.

love meet week

↓

- Absolutely. - Yeah, we'll give you a call.

absolutely

↓

- Sounds good.

sounds

↓

- Take care.

care

↓

- Thank you, Carter. - Yeah.

carter

↓

That was very nice of you.

↓

- Ah, don't worry about it.

worry

↓

I figure I owe you guys one.

figure

↓

All right.

↓

Ow.

↓

Ow.

↓

- We set in motion a chain of events

chain events motion

↓

that ruined a man's life.

life mans mans-life ruined

↓

- I can't believe this time yesterday,

believe yesterday

↓

all I cared about was winning a stupid D Award.

award cared stupid winning

↓

- Well, we never stood a chance.

chance stood

↓

- Yeah, I know that now.

↓

- Morning, Sheila. These are for you.

morning morning-sheila sheila

↓

- Oh, thank you, Rick. They're lovely.

lovely rick

↓

- You think the guys are in right now?

↓

I want to talk to them about another ad.

another

↓

- Go right in. - Thank you.

↓

- I mean, how are we gonna compete with agencies

compete

↓

like Doner and Pomerantz and Klein?

doner klein pomerantz

↓

- We can't.

↓

With their budgets, they can get the best actors.

actors best budgets

↓

I mean, they have Kid Rock.

rock

↓

Meanwhile we're stuck with Rick Mahorn.

mahorn meanwhile rick rick-mahorn stuck

↓

- Yeah. I mean, bless his heart,

bless heart

↓

but Rick Mahorn can't act his way out of a wet paper bag.

mahorn paper rick rick-mahorn

↓

*

↓

Well, let's not dwell on it.

dwell

↓

Let's just come up with a pitch for Quicken Loans.

loans pitch quicken quicken-loans

↓

- Yeah, okay. Um...

↓

Quicken Loans. - Quicken Loans.

loans quicken quicken-loans

↓

- Quicken Loans, Bicken Bones.

bones loans quicken quicken-loans

↓

- Maybe.

↓

- Why is our first move always to rhyme?

rhyme

↓

- Well, don't question the process.

process question

↓

Besides, Bicken Bones ain't nothing.

aint besides bones

↓

- Oh, absolutely not.

absolutely

↓

*

↓

Rick Mahorn can't act his way out of a wet paper bag.

mahorn paper rick rick-mahorn

↓

*

↓

- Ooh, yeah.

↓

- Very good. Very good. Excellent.

excellent

↓

Lose all of your inhibitions.

lose

↓

Yes.

↓

Oh, can we help you?

↓

- Yes, you can. I want to learn how to act.

learn

↓

- You've come to the right place.

place

↓

Join us.

join

↓

*

↓

- No.

↓

- We open on a family in front of their dream home.

dream family front home open

↓

- In order to afford the dream home,

afford dream home order

↓

the family needs a loan. Why?

family loan needs

↓

Because two maniacs ran over their dad and ruined his life.

life maniacs ruined

↓

So the dad's long gone.

dads gone

↓

- Lost his hand.

hand lost

↓

- Are you guys talking about Carter Grant?

carter carter-grant grant

↓

- No.

↓

- Okay. - Um, so the mom needs a loan.

loan needs

↓

Who does she turn to?

↓

Psh, no, thanks.

thanks

↓

Quicken Loans?

loans quicken quicken-loans

↓

Hmm. Maybe.

↓

But who are they?

↓

What are they? I don't know.

↓

Why?

↓

Because you need a mascot.

mascot

↓

- Buying a home should be fun.

buying fun home

↓

It shouldn't be scary.

scary

↓

It shouldn't make you think of your own mortality

mortality

↓

and that we're all gonna die

↓

and one day, a man's gonna shove cotton up your butthole.

butthole cotton mans shove

↓

I apologize; I'm going through some personal stuff right now,

apologize personal personal-stuff stuff

↓

and I think some of it's seeping out.

↓

- Yeah, me too; I'm going through

↓

the same stuff as him, actually.

stuff

↓

- Yeah, it's the same personal stuff

personal personal-stuff stuff

↓

that we're going through. - Exact same event.

event exact

↓

- Uh...

↓

buying a home should be fun.

buying fun home

↓

It shouldn't be scary.

scary

↓

It...

↓

You know what?

↓

I'm sorry. I can't do this.

↓

I'm well aware that we have you

aware

↓

in the palm of our hands right now,

hands palm

↓

and I could pull down this card right now,

card pull

↓

show you this mascot.

mascot

↓

Oh. Oh!

↓

And it would blow each and every one of you

blow

↓

out of the water.

water

↓

But I'm afraid that would all be fruit

afraid fruit

↓

from a poisonous tree.

poisonous tree

↓

- So we respectfully decline your business.

business decline respectfully

↓

Thank you for your time.

↓

- Thank you for your time and your respect.

respect

↓

- Thank you. - No worries.

worries

↓

To be honest, we just set this meeting up to be polite.

honest meeting polite

↓

- You know, I wish people would quit doing that!

quit wish

↓

It's mean!

↓

- This is, like, our real job, you know what I mean?

real

↓

It's not, like, a game.

game

↓

Ugh!

↓

What a frickin' joke.

frickin joke

↓

- I've got to see this mascot.

mascot

↓

- Huck's been shot. He's dead.

dead shot

↓

He's in heaven.

heaven

↓

- Uh, and scene.

scene

↓

You loved Huck.

huck loved

↓

- Thanks, Coach. - Mm-hmm.

coach thanks

↓

And again.

↓

He said Huck's been shot.

shot

↓

He's dead.

dead

↓

He's going to heaven now.

heaven

↓

- And scene.

scene

↓

Yes!

↓

Yes!

↓

I think we found our Mama.

found mama

↓

- I can't live like this anymore.

anymore live

↓

We have to tell Carter what we did.

carter

↓

- No way, man.

↓

We'll go to jail, Sam.

jail

↓

We almost killed him.

killed

↓

- So, uh, do you have any ideas for a commercial?

commercial ideas

↓

- We have to be honest, man.

honest

↓

We don't.

↓

What's the name of your store again?

name store

↓

- It's just called Electronics Store.

called electronics store

↓

- Yeah, there's nothing we can do with that.

↓

- And so the proof turned out not to be in the pudding

proof pudding turned

↓

but, rather, in the murderer's blood and semen.

blood murderers semen

↓

We'll be back after these words.

words

↓

- This weekend, be sure to catch "All the Fixin's,"

catch weekend

↓

an original play starring Pistons legend Rick Mahorn.

legend mahorn original pistons rick rick-mahorn starring

↓

- It's got all the laughs,

laughs

↓

all the tears,

tears

↓

all the fixin's.

↓

- That's what the TV said.

↓

- Tim, just-- obviously.

obviously

↓

*

↓

- Prisoner 44,

prisoner

↓

why should we let you out of jail today?

jail today

↓

- Because it's my mama's birthday.

birthday mamas

↓

*

↓

Hey, hey, what's up? What's up?

↓

Hey, where's mama?

mama

↓

- Bobby, Mama's sick.

bobby mamas sick

↓

I've done everything I can for this family,

family

↓

worked my fingers to the bone.

bone fingers worked

↓

- Don't talk to me like that.

↓

I'm a grown-ass man. - Stop it. Enough!

grown

↓

I'm going to get Mama.

mama

↓

- Mama! - Mama!

mama

↓

- I've been in this bed

↓

listening to y'all in here fussing and cussing.

listening yall

↓

I ain't raised y'all like that.

aint raised yall

↓

- Go for it, Rick.

rick

↓

- Someone set that stove on

stove

↓

and bring me all the fixin's.

bring

↓

- Whoo!

whoo

↓

- You think we gon' miss a meal in this house?

house meal miss

↓

Bullshit!

bullshit

↓

I'll never get a chance to tell Mama the truth

chance mama truth

↓

of what I did that day,

↓

and I'll regret it for the rest of my life.

life regret rest

↓

- We have to tell Carter.

carter

↓

- Yeah, we'll tell him first thing tomorrow.

tomorrow

↓

both: Detroit basketball!

basketball detroit

↓

all: Rick! Rick! Rick!

rick rick-rick

↓

Rick! Rick! Rick! Rick!

rick rick-rick

↓

- Don't look over there.

↓

Those are cars that haven't been released yet.

cars released

↓

I'm screwing around.

screwing

↓

Well, this is me.

↓

I know. I know. It's small.

↓

- Oh, no. - It is.

↓

- Tim. - It is.

↓

- So I heard you guys really tanked

heard tanked

↓

the Quicken Loans meeting, huh?

loans meeting quicken quicken-loans

↓

- Just chunked it.

↓

- Yeah, but that's actually not why we're here.

↓

- Carter, we have something

carter

↓

very important to tell you.

↓

Well, you're catching me on a good day.

catching

↓

You're not gonna believe this, but, uh,

believe

↓

well, I was walking home last night.

home night walking walking-home

↓

Who do I bump into? Shandy Hogan.

bump hogan

↓

- Wow! - Oh, that's great!

↓

- Oh, you know her.

↓

- No. - We were just being supportive.

supportive

↓

- Yeah, go on, Shandy Hogan or whatever.

hogan

↓

- Yeah, Shandy Hogan, yeah, my high school sweetheart.

hogan school sweetheart

↓

First girl I ever loved,

girl loved

↓

and guess what she does for a living.

living

↓

- Pilot. - No.

pilot

↓

- Sleazy record producer. - No.

producer record sleazy

↓

- Drummer. - No.

drummer

↓

- Professional muscle lady.

lady muscle professional

↓

- No, guys, it's something good.

↓

- Knight.

knight

↓

- No, she's a physical therapist.

physical therapist

↓

- Yeah, that's okay. - Oh, sweet.

sweet

↓

- No, it is good, because we started talking about my leg.

started

↓

Yeah, next thing you know, we're having dinner together.

dinner having having-dinner

↓

Next thing you know, we've been talking so long

↓

that the restaurant closes around us

closes restaurant

↓

and they had to kick us out.

kick

↓

- Oh, those assholes!

assholes

↓

- Oh, no, it was fine.

↓

It was great, actually.

↓

I'm gonna see her again tonight.

tonight

↓

- Oh, Carter, that's great.

carter

↓

Had I met her a year ago,

↓

I would have been married to some woman that,

married woman

↓

let's face it, I obviously wasn't supposed to be with.

face obviously supposed

↓

Ain't life something?

aint life

↓

- So I guess you're saying

↓

getting hit by that car

↓

was the best thing that ever happened to you.

best happened

↓

- Well, I wouldn't say that.

↓

- Say getting hit by that car

↓

was the best thing that ever happened to you?

best happened

↓

- No reason.

reason

↓

- Might be fun to say out loud.

fun loud might

↓

See how it feels.

feels

↓

- You guys ran over me.

↓

- Yeah. Yeah, we ran over you.

↓

- Guilty!

guilty

↓

- You guys ran over me. You did.

↓

You put a bag of chips on my head,

chips head

↓

and you dumped me in the woods, and you left me for dead.

dead dumped left woods

↓

"You threw me in the woods and left me for dead."

dead left threw woods

↓

Yes or no?

↓

- Yes! We ran you over.

↓

- Carter, we are so sorry.

carter

↓

- You dumb son of a bitches ruined my life.

bitches dumb life ruined

↓

- Look, it was just an accident.

accident

↓

- Yeah, Carter,

carter

↓

we'll do anything to make it up to you.

↓

How are you gonna make up

↓

starting off a chain of events that led to this?

chain events starting

↓

- Well, I mean, there's got to be something.

↓

- No, there's nothing you could do

↓

to make us even for what you've done to me.

↓

- Yes, there is.

↓

- Oh, you think I'm just gonna let you off

↓

by sucking my ?

sucking

↓

- That's not it.

↓

- That's not it. - Oh, okay, okay.

↓

That's not what I was thinking. - Okay.

thinking

↓

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

↓

- This sucks!

sucks

↓

- No! - Hey, uh, we changed our minds.

changed minds

↓

Well, tough shit, 'cause here I come.

tough

↓

[engine revving, tires squealing]

engine engine-revving revving squealing tires tires-squealing

↓

Aaaah!

aaaah

↓

- Cover up your hog!

cover

↓

- I can't. My hands aren't big enough.

hands

↓

That's good.

↓

*

↓

[The Platters' "You'll Never, Never Know]

↓

*

↓

Sons of bitches.

bitches sons

↓

- * You'll never know *

↓

- * You'll never, never know I care *

care

↓

- * Wah, oh

↓

- * You'll never know *

↓

* The torch I bear

bear torch

↓

- I'd piss on you right now,

piss

↓

but I'm a Chrysler man.

chrysler

↓

That's not how we do things.

↓

- * No, no, you'll never *

↓

* Oh, no, you'll never *

↓

* Ever know

↓

- * You'll never know *

↓

- All right, that's it, folks!

folks

↓

I have been Richard Karn.

richard

↓

You have been wonderful.

↓

Drive safe. We'll see you next year.

drive drive-safe safe

↓

And if you're watching at home,

home watching

↓

I don't know how.

↓

We're not televised.

↓

Good night, everybody!

everybody night