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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S14E06 — The Janitor Always Mops Twice

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 14, Episode 6 — The Janitor Always Mops Twice

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: The Janitor Always Mops Twice

Air date: October 30, 2019

Director: Heath Cullens

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

In the black-and-white noir world of his memory, Charlie navigates the seedy underbelly of Philadelphia as Frank has been "diarrhea poisoned," and it's up to Charlie to clean up the mess.

Source: TMDB

↓

_

↓

- _ - I suppose I should start at the end.

start suppose

↓

- _ - My end, that is.

↓

That poor sap doing the two-step to nowhere is me.

poor step

↓

Bet you're wondering how I got into this mess.

mess wondering

↓

Well, like most stories, it started with a white lie

started stories white

↓

and ended with the dark truth.

dark ended truth

↓

I needed a hospital, I needed a day off,

hospital needed

↓

I needed a pretty girl with soft lips and a nursing degree.

degree girl lips needed nursing soft

↓

What I had was a mop, a bucket, and a bellyful of regret.

bucket regret

↓

_

↓

So, how does an honest man end up spilling his guts

guts honest spilling

↓

on a dive bar floor?

dive floor

↓

Don't ask me, pal. I'm just the janitor.

janitor

↓

_

↓

Sync & corrections by Costa Dax www.addic7ed.com

corrections costa sync sync-corrections

↓

Let's go back to when it all began.

began

↓

It was a wet Tuesday night, half past closing time,

closing half half-past night past tuesday

↓

when the drunks wobble home to their beds

beds home wobble

↓

and punch their tickets to an all-night ceiling-go-round.

ceiling night punch round tickets

↓

I had already finished my shift,

finished shift

↓

or maybe it had finished me.

finished

↓

See, that morning I got called to a crime scene

called crime crime-scene morning scene

↓

in the men's bathroom.

bathroom mens

↓

The victim? A handicap stall.

handicap stall victim

↓

The murderer? A butt.

butt murderer

↓

But whose butt?

butt

↓

That, my friends, was the hundred-dollar question.

dollar friends hundred question

↓

Ah, the hell with it.

↓

And that's when trouble walked in like it always does,

trouble walked

↓

on a great set of legs.

legs

↓

I got a job for you.

↓

- Not interested. - Well, I ain't asking.

aint asking interested

↓

Somebody spilled, and I don't mean to the Feds.

somebody spilled

↓

So? You know where we keep the mop.

↓

- I'm knocking off. - Knocking off?

knocking

↓

- Or knocking back? - Beat it, Stretch.

beat knocking stretch

↓

- I said I'm off the clock. - Oh. Want it the hard way, huh?

clock hard

↓

Says he won't do it.

↓

Ah, we got a tough guy, eh?

tough

↓

Hey, Charlie, don't make me mop the floor with you, huh?

charlie floor

↓

Boy, has he got you trained. All that for a whistle?

trained whistle

↓

I wonder what you'd do for a biscuit.

biscuit wonder

↓

Biscuit? Why, you little...

biscuit

↓

Don't worry. In five minutes,

five five-minutes minutes worry

↓

he'll be up and chasing his tail again.

chasing tail

↓

You're gonna mop that floor, Charlie, or else.

charlie floor

↓

You see, the bar's been rented out tomorrow

bars rented tomorrow

↓

for a private party.

party private

↓

Bigwig. Deep pockets.

deep pockets

↓

You know the type.

type

↓

If those floors aren't up to snuff,

floors snuff

↓

who do you think he'll blame?

blame

↓

The handsome bartender?

bartender handsome

↓

Or the mop jockey in the coveralls?

jockey

↓

See you around, Charlie.

charlie

↓

Mop the floor. That's easy enough.

easy floor

↓

Only it never stays mopped.

stays

↓

That's the thing about messes.

messes

↓

They never go away,

↓

only spread around.

spread

↓

Well, hello, sweetheart.

sweetheart

↓

You know, they say any port in a storm,

port storm

↓

and this port just... Ah, shit, it's you!

port

↓

Charlie, come quick. Something awful, just awful's happened.

awful charlie happened quick

↓

It's Frank. He's been diarrhea-poisoned.

diarrhea diarrhea-poisoned frank poisoned

↓

- Diarrhea-poisoned? - Mm-hmm.

diarrhea diarrhea-poisoned poisoned

↓

His words, not mine. He's stuck at my place.

place stuck words

↓

He's absolutely carpet-bombed my bathroom. And my carpet.

absolutely bathroom carpet

↓

- Huh. Lot of that going around. - Hmm.

↓

Well, why didn't Frank call me himself?

frank

↓

Why send one of his goons?

goons send

↓

What? I'm no goon.

goon

↓

- No? - No. I...

↓

I'm a knockout blonde with a body

blonde body knockout

↓

that would make a statue blush.

blush statue

↓

I get more of a goon vibe from you.

goon vibe

↓

All right, go...

↓

Can you just come and get him, please?

↓

And also clean my apartment?

apartment clean

↓

I'll make it worth your while.

worth

↓

Ah, sure, I catch.

catch

↓

Either I take the job, or you and the other goons

goons

↓

- play patty-cake with my kidneys. - Goddamn it!

cake goddamn goddamn-it kidneys patty

↓

I'm not a...

↓

I'll buy you a new set of rags.

rags

↓

Hey, that's all you had to say. Let me get my hat.

↓

He's in the bedroom. Here, take a smoke.

bedroom smoke

↓

It smells like shit in there.

smells

↓

All right. I'll also take a drink.

drink

↓

Make it stiff enough to stand on its head

head stand stiff

↓

and sing "Oh! Susanna".

sing

↓

You can have tap.

↓

Ooh. Boy.

↓

Charlie. What are you doing here? Who sent you?

charlie sent

↓

Well, you're in the hot seat, so I'll ask the questions.

questions seat

↓

- Who poisoned you? - Nobody.

nobody poisoned

↓

- Bad shrimp. - What? No.

shrimp

↓

No, this morning you barged in here saying, "They got me.

morning

↓

"I've been diarrhea-poisoned.

diarrhea diarrhea-poisoned poisoned

↓

The rat bastard liquefied my guts".

bastard guts

↓

That sounds like you.

sounds

↓

Quit flapping your gums, goon!

flapping goon gums quit

↓

- Yeah. - All right, you know what?

↓

- Just, whatever. Here. - You're giving off

giving

↓

- big goon vibes, Dee. - All right. Uh...

goon vibes

↓

- Very goonish. - Just don't ruin my chair.

chair ruin

↓

Goddamn it.

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

All right, Frank, you don't want to talk names?

frank names

↓

Let's talk about the weather instead.

weather

↓

Where were you when the brown lightning hit?

brown lightning

↓

I was on my way to work. I bumped into a dope fiend.

bumped dope

↓

He must have stuck me with a needle.

must needle stuck

↓

Don't be a liar, Frankie-Boy, or your pants will catch on fire.

catch fire frankie liar pants

↓

Or they would, if you were wearing any pants.

pants wearing

↓

No, my guess is, it started some time last night

night started

↓

when you were locking up Paddy's.

locking paddys

↓

You waited out the shit storm in the handicap stall.

handicap stall storm waited

↓

When I came in in the morning, you fled the scene,

fled morning scene

↓

hightailed it to the nearest apartment... Dee's...

apartment dees nearest

↓

only your pants didn't make the trip. How am I doing?

pants trip

↓

So that means

↓

whoever got to you got to you last night.

night

↓

So who was it, Frank?

frank

↓

Lay off it, gum-scraper. I'm warning you.

warning

↓

Sorry, chum.

chum

↓

You mess with the toilet, you get the janitor.

janitor mess toilet

↓

You won't help me? Then, fine.

↓

I'll catch the rat bastard myself.

bastard catch

↓

The next day, I hit the pavement

pavement

↓

looking for anybody who had a problem with Frank.

anybody frank looking problem

↓

And, buddy, I found enough beef to open a hamburger store.

beef buddy found hamburger open store

↓

Trouble is, none of 'em had seen Frank in days.

days frank seen trouble

↓

So it all meant diddly.

diddly meant

↓

When it got dark, I swung by Paddy's.

dark paddys swung

↓

Maybe the bad guy was hiding at the bottom of a beer bottle.

beer beer-bottle bottle bottom hiding

↓

I should've swung my head into a beehive.

beehive head shouldve swung

↓

It would've been safer than turning that corner.

corner safer turning wouldve

↓

Leave me alone!

alone

↓

You're making a big mistake.

mistake

↓

Hey! What's the matter, Joe?

matter

↓

They don't teach you manners at the School for Big Palookas?

manners school teach

↓

The lady said scram.

lady scram

↓

You think you can clean up this mess? Be my guest.

clean guest mess

↓

I'm a janitor. Cleaning up messes is what I do.

cleaning janitor messes

↓

Now dust, before I beat you like an old rug.

beat dust

↓

He sized me up. But he didn't like the fit.

sized

↓

Suit yourself.

suit

↓

But you'll be back.

↓

They all come back.

↓

There, there, sweetheart.

sweetheart

↓

No use crying over smashed pie.

crying smashed

↓

Now, there was a dame worth the cover charge.

charge cover dame worth

↓

Her eyes glistened in the moonlight

eyes moonlight

↓

like fresh gasoline puddles.

fresh gasoline puddles

↓

They were the kind of eyes you could fall in...

eyes fall

↓

and summer in.

summer

↓

- And winter in, too. - Sorry about that.

winter

↓

My boyfriend looks like a bad apple,

apple boyfriend

↓

but once you get to know Vince, you'd like him even less.

less vince

↓

You're too nice a girl to be playing with rotten apples.

apples girl playing rotten

↓

Well, my pies haven't always been so sweet.

pies sweet

↓

But I'm trying to turn that all around,

↓

make an honest living selling home-baked goods.

baked goods home honest living selling

↓

But he won't stand for it.

stand

↓

Oh, gee, there goes my rent money.

money rent

↓

Well, if you need a place to stay...

place

↓

You're a good man.

↓

I wouldn't want to drag you into my troubles.

drag troubles

↓

I ain't the type that drags.

aint type

↓

I can see that.

↓

Find someplace safe.

safe someplace

↓

If he shows up again, call me.

shows

↓

I'll straighten him out.

straighten

↓

Funny.

funny

↓

You don't seem like the straightening type.

type

↓

Maybe 'cause you got me all twisted.

twisted

↓

Say, fellas. What's the score?

fellas score

↓

Frank hosed us. Turns out this party's not for the bigwig.

frank partys turns

↓

- It's for his daughter. - He hosed us.

daughter

↓

Yeah, there's no booze, no legal cooze.

booze cooze legal

↓

Sounds like a snooze.

snooze sounds

↓

- And there's barely any dudes. - Don't add on.

barely dudes

↓

- There's a rhythm. - Come on.

rhythm

↓

Well, you must be pretty mad at Frank.

frank must

↓

Oh, yeah. I hate his guts.

guts hate

↓

Funny you should mention his guts,

funny guts mention

↓

considering Frank got diarrhea-poisoned.

considering diarrhea diarrhea-poisoned frank poisoned

↓

In his guts.

guts

↓

You two wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

↓

Can I get a Red 40?

↓

Yeah. Here's your Red 40, kid.

↓

Look, uh,

↓

Charlie, I don't know what "diarrhea-poisoned" means,

charlie diarrhea diarrhea-poisoned poisoned

↓

but, uh, I certainly didn't do it to Frank.

certainly frank

↓

Goddamn. Is that Dee?

goddamn

↓

I told her to stay home and watch Frank.

frank home watch

↓

What is she doing?

↓

Hang on, Dee.

hang

↓

Cricket? What are you doing here?

cricket

↓

Dee paid me to cover her shift, hence the getup.

cover getup hence paid shift

↓

Why were you in the basement?

basement

↓

No reason.

reason

↓

No reason, huh?

reason

↓

I'll give you no reason.

reason

↓

Yeah.

↓

More. Oh, yes. Do it.

↓

Harder. Yes.

harder

↓

I'm a slut.

slut

↓

All right.

↓

Frank let me stay.

frank

↓

Frank let me sleep down there.

frank sleep

↓

I've been working for him.

working

↓

Doing what?

↓

He's running a cherry racket.

cherry racket running

↓

A cherry racket?

cherry racket

↓

You telling me Frank's running underage girls?

franks girls running telling underage

↓

I wouldn't put it past him, but, no,

past

↓

that's not what I'm talking about.

↓

I'm talking actual cherries.

actual cherries

↓

As in maraschino.

↓

Frank hired me to go down to the local bars

bars frank hired local

↓

and stick my fingers in the garnish stations.

fingers garnish stations stick

↓

Why?

↓

Why, to contaminate the cherries with feces,

cherries contaminate feces

↓

so people get sick, of course.

course sick

↓

- My God, that's disgusting. - It's an honest living.

disgusting honest living

↓

Not really.

↓

Now, why is Frank trying to contaminate cherries?

cherries contaminate frank

↓

Oh, I don't know.

↓

He flashed a roll of nickels, and I didn't ask questions.

flashed nickels questions roll

↓

When someone flashes a roll of nickels at you,

nickels roll

↓

you don't ask questions, you just do.

questions

↓

No matter what they want or where they want you to put it

matter

↓

or where they want to put into you...

↓

I'm gonna turn around now.

↓

I'd been looking at this all wrong.

looking

↓

It wasn't a poisoning. It was a payback.

payback poisoning

↓

All right, street rat, I want to know

street

↓

which bars you hit and when. Spill.

bars spill

↓

Go kiss a duck. You'll never make me talk.

duck kiss

↓

I'm not slapping you around again.

slapping

↓

All right, fine, just get me a pen and I'll write 'em down.

write

↓

So Cricket had contaminated the wrong guy's cherries

cherries contaminated cricket

↓

and now Frank was dancing the porcelain rumba.

dancing frank

↓

And I was still in the dark.

dark

↓

And there's only two things you can do in the dark:

dark

↓

you can drink...

drink

↓

and you can hide.

hide

↓

If you came to shoot me,

shoot

↓

at least let me finish my drink first.

drink finish least

↓

I'm not gonna shoot you. What if I missed?

missed shoot

↓

Well, then you'd have to say you missed me.

missed

↓

Maybe I did.

↓

Maybe I missed you, too.

missed

↓

Well, you'd better work on your aim.

↓

Sure, I could do that,

↓

- but I'm better at close range. - Yes, you are.

close range

↓

- Can I fix you a drink? - No, thanks. I'm sober.

drink sober thanks

↓

Plus, I saw you put cat food in it.

food plus

↓

Maybe I did, maybe I didn't.

↓

You did, Charlie, I saw you scoop it out of the can...

charlie scoop

↓

- I put a little bit in. - ...and it smells so bad.

smells

↓

You're so close to me with that.

close

↓

- All right, I'll put it down. - God.

↓

So what you doing here, doll?

doll

↓

I told you to find someplace safe.

safe someplace

↓

The only safe place for me...

place safe safe-place

↓

is in your arms.

arms

↓

Oh, sure, my arms are safe.

arms safe

↓

It's my lips you have to watch out for.

lips watch

↓

That's a risk I'm willing to take.

risk willing

↓

Unless, wait, a-are you telling me

telling

↓

you have a cold sore or something?

cold sore

↓

- 'Cause I'm not good with that. - Oh, no, we're good.

↓

- Are you sure? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

↓

Okay.

↓

Morning, dollface.

morning

↓

Goddamn it. Why are you smiling?

goddamn goddamn-it smiling

↓

Well, I'm trying to look sexy.

sexy

↓

- You're supposed to be dead. - I know. I can be dead and sexy.

dead sexy supposed

↓

You're not supposed to be sexy. You're supposed to be the goon.

goon sexy supposed

↓

No, I'm not the goon. I don't want to be the goon.

goon

↓

- I want to be something better. - But you are the goon.

goon

↓

- I'm not the goddamn goon. - You're the goon, Dee.

goddamn goon

↓

Who else is the goon? You're the goon.

goon

↓

How could I be a goon? I'm wearing a nightie.

goon wearing

↓

- You're a goon in a nightie. - Maybe that's your murder weapon.

goon murder weapon

↓

Take it off and you strangle...

strangle

↓

Goddamn it. All right, I'm out of here.

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

All right. Goodbye, goon.

goodbye goon

↓

So what's the big idea here, fellas?

fellas idea

↓

Ah, Frank sent us here to blackmail you,

blackmail frank sent

↓

so you stop sticking your nose in where it don't belong.

belong nose sticking

↓

Ah, so you're in on Frank's cherry scheme?

cherry franks scheme

↓

Yeah, it's easy money.

easy money

↓

After Cricket fondles the cherries,

cherries cricket

↓

the bars trash their whole supply

bars supply trash whole

↓

thinking they're all contaminated.

contaminated thinking

↓

Mac and I rescue the perfectly good cherries,

cherries perfectly rescue

↓

and Frank resells them to the bars for a neat little markup.

bars frank neat

↓

He gives us 30%, only Mac thinks it's ten.

gives thinks

↓

- What? - Shut up!

↓

Come on.

↓

Say, you two fellas know anything

fellas

↓

about a guy named Vince?

named vince

↓

Hangs around the Waitress like a bad cheese burp?

burp cheese hangs waitress

↓

Yeah, we know him.

↓

Runs with a crew out of a church on South Street,

church crew runs south street

↓

only he ain't the praying type.

aint praying type

↓

Tell him I want to meet.

meet

↓

Yeah.

↓

You talking to me?

↓

Yeah.

↓

Well, I can't tell 'cause I'm not looking at you.

looking

↓

We ain't looking at you either.

aint looking

↓

Are you still here?

↓

- No, we're gonna go now. - We're leaving now, though.

leaving

↓

That's for the best.

best

↓

Hey, is it, is it ten percent or is it really 30%?

percent

↓

It's whatever I say it is.

↓

Well, that about sewed it up.

↓

Too bad I have a habit of pulling at loose threads.

habit loose pulling threads

↓

The doc says that's why my sutures don't heal good.

heal sutures

↓

So I called up Frank.

called frank

↓

He told me to meet him at Paddy's

meet paddys

↓

and he would explain everything.

explain

↓

Yeah, like a brick would explain gravity to my head.

brick explain gravity head

↓

Frank?

frank

↓

Cricket?

cricket

↓

No johns in the basement, pal.

basement johns

↓

Frank!

frank

↓

My guts are cut to ribbons.

guts ribbons

↓

- What? Who did this to you? - I did.

↓

I was carrying a jar of cherries, I fell on them,

carrying cherries fell

↓

they bust, they sliced my stomach to bits.

bits bust sliced stomach

↓

I'm no matador, Frank, so you can cut the bull.

bull frank

↓

I know all about your cherry scam.

cherry scam

↓

My cherry scam?

cherry scam

↓

Oh, Charlie, you sweet innocent dope.

charlie dope innocent sweet

↓

I'm not the top of this sundae.

sundae

↓

This goes all the way to city hall.

city city-hall hall

↓

It all started when I bribed some bigwig

started

↓

from the Board of Health to ban Red 40,

board health

↓

- the dye used in maraschino cherries. - _

cherries used

↓

- Red 40? - I used the guys

used

↓

to round up all the cherries, and then I sat on them

cherries round

↓

for a couple of months, and then resold them back to the same bar

couple months

↓

for jacked-up black market prices,

black jacked market prices

↓

but there was a snag in the plan.

plan snag

↓

The bars wouldn't bite.

bars bite

↓

Turns out, their customers didn't give a shit

customers turns

↓

about the cherries, so we had to find other buyers

buyers cherries

↓

who'd pay through the nose for their maraschino fix.

nose whod

↓

Old folks homes for pineapple upside-down cake,

cake folks homes pineapple upside

↓

teenage birthday parties,

birthday birthday-parties parties teenage

↓

and teetotalers

↓

who only drink Shirley Temples.

drink shirley

↓

All right, enough talk, Franky.

↓

Save your story for St. Peter.

peter save story

↓

All I want to know is who poisoned you?

poisoned

↓

I tried to protect you, Charlie,

charlie protect tried

↓

but this mess is too big for your mop.

mess

↓

- I'm not the bad guy here. It's... - Who is it?

↓

Who is it?

↓

Where is she?

↓

Man.

↓

- Where is who? - The girl.

girl

↓

She belongs with me.

belongs

↓

Well, she's a jewel. She belongs in a crown.

belongs crown jewel

↓

You belong in bracelets.

belong bracelets

↓

You're trying to provoke me.

↓

But I know how to control myself.

control

↓

Red 40.

↓

Okay, Vince, I'll take you to the girl.

girl vince

↓

But first, let me fix a drink.

drink

↓

You seem like a smart cookie. I think you'd do well

cookie smart

↓

in our organization. You should join us.

join organization

↓

And if I refuse?

refuse

↓

Well...

↓

that could be bad for your health.

health

↓

Well, how about I drop by a meeting?

drop meeting

↓

Sounds like a gas.

sounds

↓

What is...?

↓

What-what is that?

↓

Ammonia-bleach cocktail, aka the Janitor's Helper.

ammonia bleach cocktail helper janitors

↓

Luckily, I'm immune.

immune luckily

↓

I've built up a healthy tolerance over the years,

built healthy tolerance years

↓

or unhealthy, depending on how you look at it.

depending unhealthy

↓

Huh.

↓

Charlie!

charlie

↓

Thank God you're all right.

↓

I am, but Vince isn't.

vince

↓

He's gonna wake up with his head pounding harder

harder head pounding wake

↓

than a Chinese crossword puzzle.

chinese crossword puzzle

↓

Huh?

↓

- Was that... That one wasn't clear? - No.

clear

↓

All right, I'm running out of them, you know, it's...

running

↓

But the point is I took care of him.

care point

↓

- My hero. - Yeah.

hero

↓

I guess my pies are finally safe.

finally pies safe

↓

Well, not from me. Hand me a spoon.

hand spoon

↓

Say,

↓

why didn't you tell me about Frank's cherry racket?

cherry franks racket

↓

I don't know what you're talking about.

↓

Yes, you do. You were helping him sell the illegal cherries.

cherries helping illegal sell

↓

- You connected him with Vince. - Well, I...

connected vince

↓

I guess I didn't want you to think of me as a petty criminal.

criminal petty

↓

There's nothing petty about you, is there, baby?

baby petty

↓

Ooh.

↓

Oh.

↓

You idiot.

idiot

↓

I didn't tell you because it's my cherry racket.

cherry racket

↓

Frank didn't know what he had. I'm the one

frank

↓

who figured out those cherries had fermented from sitting

cherries figured sitting

↓

in those vats for months. Yeah.

months

↓

They had turned into a slam-bang booze for the ages,

ages bang booze slam turned

↓

and we could charge triple in places

charge places triple

↓

where hooch was badly wanted but not allowed.

allowed badly hooch wanted

↓

Old folks homes,

folks homes

↓

Sweet 16 parties,

parties sweet

↓

court-ordered rehab centers.

centers court ordered rehab

↓

It was like shooting fish in a...

fish shooting

↓

Charlie, are you still eating that pie? I poisoned it.

charlie eating poisoned

↓

- You did? - Yeah, that's what I'm telling you.

telling

↓

Oh, yeah. You know what?

↓

There's a lot of threads going around; I'm losing track.

losing threads track

↓

- Okay, I poisoned the pie. - Yeah.

poisoned

↓

- So you should stop eating it. - Right.

eating

↓

- There you go. - It's good.

↓

- Thanks. Appreciate that. - Last bite.

appreciate bite thanks

↓

- Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. - And carry on.

carry christ jesus jesus-christ

↓

- What about Frank? - I poisoned Frank, too.

frank poisoned

↓

He figured out what I was up to and he wanted out,

figured wanted

↓

but we were making too much money,

money

↓

so I diarrhea-poisoned him to shut him up.

diarrhea diarrhea-poisoned poisoned

↓

Aah!

↓

He got the message in the end.

message

↓

And Vince?

vince

↓

Oh, Vince caught me smuggling boozy pies into A.A.

caught pies smuggling vince

↓

and threatened to rat me out to my parole officer.

officer parole threatened

↓

You see, he wasn't actually my boyfriend.

boyfriend

↓

He was my sponsor,

sponsor

↓

and he was a real buzzkill, literally.

real

↓

But why poison me?

poison

↓

Well, you were getting too close.

close

↓

Or maybe I was.

↓

Either way, I'm leaving town tonight and,

leaving tonight town

↓

well, I can't have you following me.

following

↓

Well, you're not gonna get away with it.

↓

Oh, yeah? And who's gonna stop me?

↓

I am.

↓

See, I knew you were lying when I found Vince's A.A. chip.

chip found lying

↓

You used me.

used

↓

You used me like you used Frank.

frank used

↓

And I knew it was only a matter of time

matter

↓

before you tried to poison me, too.

poison tried

↓

So that's why that shot I took wasn't vodka.

shot vodka

↓

- It was bleach. - What?

bleach

↓

- The universal poison antidote. - No, it's not.

poison

↓

It's not?

↓

I mean, if anything, you've ingested more poison.

poison

↓

No, you put bleach on poison, it cancels it out, I'm pretty sure.

bleach poison

↓

No, it makes the poison more poisoning.

makes poison poisoning

↓

No. The two things cancel...

cancel

↓

No, you're right. Here come the cherries.

cherries

↓

Oh, God!

↓

Jesus Christ, Charlie!

charlie christ christ-charlie jesus jesus-christ jesus-christ-charlie

↓

Either way, you're done, baby doll.

baby doll

↓

I called the cops to take you downtown.

called cops downtown

↓

- Oh. - Ha ha!

↓

The gig's up, you ugly dame.

dame ugly

↓

You're under arrest.

arrest

↓

- You come with me. - What the hell?

↓

I was undercover the whole time.

undercover whole

↓

I mean, what are you talking about?

↓

- That doesn't even make sense. - Yeah, I switched things up.

sense switched

↓

Got tired of being called a goon. Let's go!

called goon tired

↓

- Ow! - You're out of here!

↓

- You're really hurting my arm. - Yeah, that's okay with me.

hurting

↓

- This is so stupid! Let go of me! - All right.

stupid

↓

No, I'm not gonna let go of you.

↓

I got one job to do, I'm gonna finish it.

finish

↓

- Let's go. Yeah. - Ow!

↓

- Yeah, well... - Ow! That hurts!

hurts

↓

Yeah, that's all right.

↓

Well, this is where you came in.

↓

Only now, you know the whole sticky situation.

situation sticky sticky-situation whole

↓

It's not every day that a janitor makes his own mess,

janitor makes mess

↓

but when he does... ooh, boy.

↓

Now I'm about to shit my brains all over this floor.

brains floor

↓

But don't worry.

worry

↓

I'll mop twice. I always do.

twice

↓

_

↓

Sync & corrections by Costa Dax www.addic7ed.com

corrections costa sync sync-corrections