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Season 23, Episode 15 — Martian Meg
♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
#1
⇓
♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
#1
⇓
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
#2
⇓
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
#2
⇓
♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪
#3
⇓
♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪
#3
⇓
[all] ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
#4
⇓
[all] ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
#4
⇓
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
#5
⇓
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
#5
⇓
♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪
#6
⇓
♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪
#6
⇓
♪ All the things that make us ♪
#7
⇓
♪ All the things that make us ♪
#7
⇓
♪ Laugh and cry! ♪
#8
⇓
♪ Laugh and cry! ♪
#8
⇓
[all] ♪ He's a family guy! ♪
#9
⇓
[all] ♪ He's a family guy! ♪
#9
⇓
[news anchor] So, thanks to AI, here's a picture
#10
⇓
[news anchor] So, thanks to AI, here's a picture
#10
⇓
of what JonBenet Ramsey would look like in a bikini today.
#11
⇓
of what JonBenet Ramsey would look like in a bikini today.
#11
⇓
Wowza.
#12
⇓
Wowza.
#12
⇓
But first, would you like to spend the rest of your life alone?
#13
⇓
But first, would you like to spend the rest of your life alone?
#13
⇓
Would you like your last meal to be a handful of red dirt?
#14
⇓
Would you like your last meal to be a handful of red dirt?
#14
⇓
Well, a local firm here in Quahog
#15
⇓
Well, a local firm here in Quahog
#15
⇓
is now accepting applications
#16
⇓
is now accepting applications
#16
⇓
to take a one-direction trip to Mars.
#17
⇓
to take a one-direction trip to Mars.
#17
⇓
- Huh? - "One direction,"
#18
⇓
- Huh? - "One direction,"
#18
⇓
as in, you stay there forever,
#19
⇓
as in, you stay there forever,
#19
⇓
-not as in the band. - [groans]
#20
⇓
-not as in the band. - [groans]
#20
⇓
The mission is being supported
#21
⇓
The mission is being supported
#21
⇓
by the Quahog Engineering and Scientific Organization,
#22
⇓
by the Quahog Engineering and Scientific Organization,
#22
⇓
or QuESO.
#23
⇓
or QuESO.
#23
⇓
-Que? - That's QuESO,
#24
⇓
-Que? - That's QuESO,
#24
⇓
the organization, not the Mexican cheese dip.
#25
⇓
the organization, not the Mexican cheese dip.
#25
⇓
[groans]
#26
⇓
[groans]
#26
⇓
Mom. Guess what?
#27
⇓
Mom. Guess what?
#27
⇓
No, Meg.
#28
⇓
No, Meg.
#28
⇓
I got us two tickets to laser Dua Lipa.
#29
⇓
I got us two tickets to laser Dua Lipa.
#29
⇓
All of Dua Lipa's hits
#30
⇓
All of Dua Lipa's hits
#30
⇓
synced up to a bunch of red and green laser doodles.
#31
⇓
synced up to a bunch of red and green laser doodles.
#31
⇓
It's three hours.
#32
⇓
It's three hours.
#32
⇓
We'll be stone-cold sober,
#33
⇓
We'll be stone-cold sober,
#33
⇓
and it's in the middle of the day.
#34
⇓
and it's in the middle of the day.
#34
⇓
Oh, I'm so sorry, sweetie, but I'm busy that day.
#35
⇓
Oh, I'm so sorry, sweetie, but I'm busy that day.
#35
⇓
I haven't said what day it is yet.
#36
⇓
I haven't said what day it is yet.
#36
⇓
Weekends are just really tough for me right now.
#37
⇓
Weekends are just really tough for me right now.
#37
⇓
It's on a Tuesday.
#38
⇓
It's on a Tuesday.
#38
⇓
Oh, yeah, you know what?
#39
⇓
Oh, yeah, you know what?
#39
⇓
Tuesdays are just impossible. Wednesdays too.
#40
⇓
Tuesdays are just impossible. Wednesdays too.
#40
⇓
And then, Thursday through Monday,
#41
⇓
And then, Thursday through Monday,
#41
⇓
I'm pretty much just prepping for Tuesday.
#42
⇓
I'm pretty much just prepping for Tuesday.
#42
⇓
I'm sorry, honey. Maybe next time.
#43
⇓
I'm sorry, honey. Maybe next time.
#43
⇓
And the cast of Suits, then and now.
#44
⇓
And the cast of Suits, then and now.
#44
⇓
Ah, look at that.
#45
⇓
Ah, look at that.
#45
⇓
Yeah. Slight difference.
#46
⇓
Yeah. Slight difference.
#46
⇓
What's your cheapest morning-after pill?
#47
⇓
What's your cheapest morning-after pill?
#47
⇓
It's called Plan C.
#48
⇓
It's called Plan C.
#48
⇓
[chuckles] Nice. I get it.
#49
⇓
[chuckles] Nice. I get it.
#49
⇓
Let me get that gift-wrapped.
#50
⇓
Let me get that gift-wrapped.
#50
⇓
Whoa! Who is this tall drink of water?
#51
⇓
Whoa! Who is this tall drink of water?
#51
⇓
I, uh... I like your horn.
#52
⇓
I, uh... I like your horn.
#52
⇓
Is that okay to say?
#53
⇓
Is that okay to say?
#53
⇓
Oh, well, thank you. I do try to moisturize.
#54
⇓
Oh, well, thank you. I do try to moisturize.
#54
⇓
- Come on, Stewie, let's-- - Brian.
#55
⇓
- Come on, Stewie, let's-- - Brian.
#55
⇓
Leave the aisle and then come back
#56
⇓
Leave the aisle and then come back
#56
⇓
and ask for my autograph.
#57
⇓
and ask for my autograph.
#57
⇓
So, what part of Q-town are you from?
#58
⇓
So, what part of Q-town are you from?
#58
⇓
Oh, very hip. Right by that Thai fusion speakeasy
#59
⇓
Oh, very hip. Right by that Thai fusion speakeasy
#59
⇓
that used to be a needle exchange.
#60
⇓
that used to be a needle exchange.
#60
⇓
- I love it over there. - Uh, excuse me, sir.
#61
⇓
- I love it over there. - Uh, excuse me, sir.
#61
⇓
- May I have your auto-- - Not now.
#62
⇓
- May I have your auto-- - Not now.
#62
⇓
I'm in a conversation. Wait for me outside.
#63
⇓
I'm in a conversation. Wait for me outside.
#63
⇓
Wait. No way.
#64
⇓
Wait. No way.
#64
⇓
Both of you guys are dryer safe?
#65
⇓
Both of you guys are dryer safe?
#65
⇓
Guys, are you feeling this?
#66
⇓
Rupert, I just knew you two would vibe
#67
⇓
the way we vibed at the drugstore.
#68
⇓
And that never happens to me.
#69
⇓
Guys. Is this...
#70
⇓
Are we a... a throuple?
#71
⇓
Oh, hey, Brian, you remember Made In from the pharmacy.
#72
⇓
- Made In? - Yeah. See?
#73
⇓
Yeah, I don't think that's a name.
#74
⇓
I think that's just the words "made in"
#75
⇓
with a sticker over the word "China."
#76
⇓
Well, that's the name.
#77
⇓
And they, that's right,
#78
⇓
"they" are living with me and Rupert now.
#79
⇓
Great, Stewie. Have fun with your toys.
#80
⇓
I'm gonna go binge-surf Hinge in a dark room.
#81
⇓
Don't listen to him. He doesn't accept you, Made In.
#82
⇓
I accept you.
#83
⇓
No, we accept you.
#84
⇓
All right, who wants to get throup'd first?
#85
⇓
[doorbell rings]
#86
⇓
- Oh, hey, Meg. - Hey, Mr. Quagmire.
#87
⇓
So there's this Dua Lipa show.
#88
⇓
- Oh, uh, no. - I've got two tickets,
#89
⇓
and I was wondering if...
#90
⇓
- No. - ...you would want to go with me.
#91
⇓
- It's this synchronized light show. - Stop asking.
#92
⇓
- Honestly, it's high-tech. - I can't think of anything worse.
#93
⇓
- You get to socialize... - Read my body language.
#94
⇓
- ...with other fans at intermission. - Hear what I'm saying.
#95
⇓
- Meg. Meg. Meg. - What do you say?
#96
⇓
Look me in the eye. The answer is no.
#97
⇓
But you always say "no" is just a spicy "yes."
#98
⇓
[Glenn] Stop telling people I said that!
#99
⇓
- You want to go with me? - Meg, no.
#100
⇓
- It's this synchronized light show. - Stop asking.
#101
⇓
- It's high-tech. - I can't think of anything worse.
#102
⇓
- You get to socialize... - Read my body language.
#103
⇓
- ...with other fans at intermission. - Hear what I'm saying.
#104
⇓
- What do you say? - Look me in the eye. The answer is no.
#105
⇓
But you always say "no" is just a spicy "yes."
#106
⇓
[Herbert] Stop telling people I said that!
#107
⇓
[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,
#108
⇓
please welcome Dua Lipa's... outline.
#109
⇓
[crowd cheering]
#110
⇓
Unfortunately, due to a technical glitch,
#111
⇓
or an Eric, as we're calling them around here,
#112
⇓
we're unable to play the music,
#113
⇓
and will instead be playing
#114
⇓
the audio book of The Joy Luck Club,
#115
⇓
as read by Howard Stern.
#116
⇓
[Howard] "Part One:
#117
⇓
"Feathers from a Thousand Li Away."
#118
⇓
God, this is so hot.
#119
⇓
I'm telling you, I go nuts for these Chinese babes.
#120
⇓
Mom? What are you doing here?
#121
⇓
I thought you were busy.
#122
⇓
I'm sorry. There was a Groupon.
#123
⇓
The moment it was $4 cheaper, I was powerless to say no.
#124
⇓
[sobbing]
#125
⇓
"And she saw how quickly their eyes moved
#126
⇓
"when she told them her idea for the Joy Luck Club."
#127
⇓
Hey, she said the name of the thing in the thing.
#128
⇓
I love that.
#129
⇓
[sobbing]
#130
⇓
[♪ pensive rock music playing, David Bowie "Life on Mars"]
#131
⇓
♪ It's a god-awful small affair ♪
#132
⇓
♪ To the girl with the mousy hair ♪
#133
⇓
♪ But her mummy is yelling "No" ♪
#134
⇓
♪ And her daddy has told her to go ♪
#135
⇓
♪ Take a look at the lawman beating up the wrong guy ♪
#136
⇓
♪ Oh, man Wonder if he'll ever know ♪
#137
⇓
♪ He's in the best-selling show ♪
#138
⇓
[singing off-key] ♪ Is there life on Mars? ♪
#139
⇓
[car alarms blaring]
#140
⇓
Shut up, Meg.
#141
⇓
But, Meg, why on earth would you want to go to Mars?
#142
⇓
I made up my mind, and this is what I want.
#143
⇓
You know what, Meg? You're right.
#144
⇓
This will be good for you.
#145
⇓
And if you're chosen, we'll miss you,
#146
⇓
but you'll have our support.
#147
⇓
Oh. Wow, thanks, Mom.
#148
⇓
I appreciate that.
#149
⇓
[chuckles] You see what I did there, Peter?
#150
⇓
That is some next-level jujitsu parenting right there.
#151
⇓
Oh, yeah, I get what you're going for.
#152
⇓
Get rid of Meg, get some hot exchange student from Sweden.
#153
⇓
Me and her, we flirt a little, we get something going.
#154
⇓
And then one thing leads to another.
#155
⇓
I cross a line, next thing you know,
#156
⇓
we're all walking on eggshells.
#157
⇓
Her dad calls from Sweden,
#158
⇓
I can't understand a word he's saying.
#159
⇓
He's either really happy or really mad.
#160
⇓
No, Peter, listen.
#161
⇓
Meg's just rebelling for attention.
#162
⇓
I used to do the same thing.
#163
⇓
I once felt Ted Turner over the pants
#164
⇓
- right in front of my dad. - Very relatable.
#165
⇓
But what I learned about parenting
#166
⇓
from the the jacket of a book I didn't buy
#167
⇓
is that when your child rebels,
#168
⇓
you can't push back or they'll double down.
#169
⇓
You just stay supportive,
#170
⇓
let them learn their own lessons,
#171
⇓
and they'll come crawling back to you in the end.
#172
⇓
How is that different than what I said?
#173
⇓
Plus, every lonely incel in the country
#174
⇓
is applying to this thing.
#175
⇓
She'll never be chosen.
#176
⇓
[cell phone chimes]
#177
⇓
[yawning]
#178
⇓
How could you possibly have any energy this morning?
#179
⇓
You're right. Time to greet this glorious day.
#180
⇓
First, we'll grab avocado toast at Simone's
#181
⇓
and then leisurely flip through the West Elm catalog
#182
⇓
and circle everything we hate.
#183
⇓
[sniffs, exhales]
#184
⇓
What do you say?
#185
⇓
Shall we take our breakfast on the balcony?
#186
⇓
When you're in a throuple, whatever house you're in
#187
⇓
automatically grows a Juliet balcony
#188
⇓
to lean against in your robe and boxers
#189
⇓
with a hot flavored coffee and just sigh.
#190
⇓
Ahh!
#191
⇓
Welcome, recruits.
#192
⇓
My name is Sergeant Bensinger, retired.
#193
⇓
I drank lots of water at Camp Lejeune
#194
⇓
and am now financially independent.
#195
⇓
To start things off, I'm gonna say this one more time.
#196
⇓
This is about a one-direction trip to Mars
#197
⇓
and not about the pop band One Direction.
#198
⇓
[all grumbling]
#199
⇓
[man] Come on, man!
#200
⇓
Now then, this will be a cutthroat, exhaustive
#201
⇓
and highly competitive selection process.
#202
⇓
We're not just looking for the best
#203
⇓
or the best of the best.
#204
⇓
We're looking for the best of the best of the best.
#205
⇓
Of the best.
#206
⇓
Ah, crud!
#207
⇓
If only he'd stopped at the previous "best."
#208
⇓
[♪ jubilant music playing]
#209
⇓
All right, trainees.
#210
⇓
It's very important to have a cool thing to say
#211
⇓
the minute you set foot on Mars.
#212
⇓
Meg, we'll start with you.
#213
⇓
[nasally] Did I do that?
#214
⇓
Not bad.
#215
⇓
We would also have accepted, "Whassup?"
#216
⇓
Okay, trainees, as you may remember
#217
⇓
from the movie The Right Stuff,
#218
⇓
we'll need to collect a semen sample from each of you.
#219
⇓
- But I-- - No exceptions.
#220
⇓
Figure it out.
#221
⇓
Well, somehow, you did it. Everyone come back tomorrow,
#222
⇓
you start the real training with the real guy. Bye!
#223
⇓
The Martian environment is completely cold, harsh and inhospitable.
#224
⇓
To train you to survive,
#225
⇓
we found a similar environment.
#226
⇓
An abandoned Bed, Bath & Beyond.
#227
⇓
Anyway, as long as we're here,
#228
⇓
feel free to just take whatever you want.
#229
⇓
I don't really want anything.
#230
⇓
That was kind of the whole problem.
#231
⇓
Since there's no Wi-Fi on Mars,
#232
⇓
we're gonna send you up there with a VCR
#233
⇓
and you get to choose one tape.
#234
⇓
Ah, yes.
#235
⇓
Sidney Poitier and Tom Berenger
#236
⇓
in Shoot to Kill.
#237
⇓
A crackling tale of survival in the Pacific Northwest.
#238
⇓
One man out for the law, one man out for revenge.
#239
⇓
Letterboxed? Please.
#240
⇓
I'm a pan-and-scan gal.
#241
⇓
Arthur Penn's Target.
#242
⇓
Starring Matt Dillon and a career-best Gene Hackman.
#243
⇓
The game of espionage is played by a strict code.
#244
⇓
But that code has been broken.
#245
⇓
Running time, 117 minutes.
#246
⇓
This has tape two of Titanic in it.
#247
⇓
Oh, sorry about that.
#248
⇓
Someone must have pulled an Eric.
#249
⇓
Learn to love again with Under the Tuscan Sun,
#250
⇓
featuring Diane Lane and Sandra Oh
#251
⇓
at the tippy-top of her game.
#252
⇓
When life gives divorcee Frances lemons,
#253
⇓
she's off to Italy to make a Tuscan villa lemonade.
#254
⇓
Rated PG-13 for sensual kissing and partial nudity.
#255
⇓
Can't I just bring my laptop up there with me?
#256
⇓
No!
#257
⇓
Because then, I wouldn't have a job, stupid.
#258
⇓
You know what? Give me the tape back.
#259
⇓
You don't get a tape.
#260
⇓
Ooh, look at that one.
#261
⇓
Well, I know it's small, but this is Provincetown
#262
⇓
on a July 4th weekend, Made In.
#263
⇓
Beggars can't be choosers.
#264
⇓
Hey, Stewie, you want to get lunch?
#265
⇓
Give us a few minutes to washcloth our parts, Brian.
#266
⇓
- We had a long night. - Whatever.
#267
⇓
[gasps]
#268
⇓
[gasps] Oh, God! I can't breathe.
#269
⇓
[grunts]
#270
⇓
[panting]
#271
⇓
This is fine. This is okay.
#272
⇓
As long as the throuple balcony is strong,
#273
⇓
the throuple is strong.
#274
⇓
Other deviant sex groups get these too.
#275
⇓
This is my one-ple balcony.
#276
⇓
You know, you really showed us by signing up for this, Meg.
#277
⇓
And no matter what happens, just remember.
#278
⇓
You've definitely proved your point.
#279
⇓
You see that?
#280
⇓
Yeah. That microphone's totally unguarded.
#281
⇓
I'm gonna do my Michelle Obama impression.
#282
⇓
Ladies and gentlemen,
#283
⇓
thank you for joining us today.
#284
⇓
Eh, I'll do it at intermission.
#285
⇓
We have decided who is going to Mars.
#286
⇓
You are all worthy candidates.
#287
⇓
But just like the box for Thorn EMI Screen Entertainment's
#288
⇓
Highlander says,
#289
⇓
"There can be only one."
#290
⇓
And the winner is...
#291
⇓
Seamus!
#292
⇓
[exclaims excitedly]
#293
⇓
Well, honey, I'm glad you got this out of your system.
#294
⇓
And to think I never pushed back once.
#295
⇓
Good thing you've got a great mom, huh?
#296
⇓
Poet laureate Robert Pinsky once said,
#297
⇓
"When I had no roof, I made audacity my roof."
#298
⇓
It is truly an honor.
#299
⇓
Whoa! Wait a minute.
#300
⇓
Are those your arms and legs?
#301
⇓
Oh, man!
#302
⇓
I guess I wasn't really paying attention.
#303
⇓
The winner is Meg!
#304
⇓
- [gasps] - She won?
#305
⇓
Mom, I did it. I'm going to Mars.
#306
⇓
Barack hasn't satisfied me in years.
#307
⇓
That's your impression?
#308
⇓
It's less a voice and more... It's like an attitude.
#309
⇓
Meg, you can't go to Mars.
#310
⇓
You can't talk me out of this, Mom. I'm going.
#311
⇓
Well, as your parents, we forbid it. Right, Peter?
#312
⇓
Lois, kids go to Mars. That's what they do.
#313
⇓
Hey, Meg, congrats on this Mars thing. Great stuff.
#314
⇓
Hey, listen, if I give you this bone,
#315
⇓
could you maybe bury it for me up there?
#316
⇓
That would... Yeah.
#317
⇓
That would just be huge for me.
#318
⇓
Oh, honey, you've still got your whole life ahead of you.
#319
⇓
I'm a hero now, Mom. I have a purpose.
#320
⇓
When that rocket takes off next week,
#321
⇓
I'm gonna be on it.
#322
⇓
Well, if Meg can go to Mars,
#323
⇓
can I go to the Pornhub Awards?
#324
⇓
Still no, Chris.
#325
⇓
I'm going to kill myself!
#326
⇓
[sobbing]
#327
⇓
We're good parents.
#328
⇓
Look, we all understood
#329
⇓
that there would be some bumps along the way, right?
#330
⇓
When you're in a three-way relationship,
#331
⇓
there will inevitably be times
#332
⇓
where two sides gravitate towards each other.
#333
⇓
Right now, it's Rupert and Made In.
#334
⇓
Eventually, it'll be Stewie and Made In.
#335
⇓
And then Rupert, you're gonna feel like
#336
⇓
the lonely left out piece of [bleep] no one wants.
#337
⇓
Well, cheers, everyone.
#338
⇓
Oh. Why are you laughing?
#339
⇓
I don't get it.
#340
⇓
Oh, it's an inside joke.
#341
⇓
Oh. You two have a... an inside joke.
#342
⇓
Well, I know a million jokes too.
#343
⇓
Why did the old man fall in the well?
#344
⇓
Because he couldn't see that well.
#345
⇓
Ha-ha! Right? Inside joke.
#346
⇓
Now, everybody agree? [laughs]
#347
⇓
I'm sexually desirable too.
#348
⇓
[all murmuring in admiration]
#349
⇓
Wow, there she is.
#350
⇓
It's the girl who's going to Mars.
#351
⇓
I saw her in the parking lot, but I could get excited again.
#352
⇓
Meg, will you please join us in the women's bathroom?
#353
⇓
In honor of your sacrifice, we hereby rename this stall
#354
⇓
the Meg Griffin Memorial Handicap Bathroom Stall.
#355
⇓
This is literally what I've asked Santa for my entire life.
#356
⇓
Ew! What?
#357
⇓
[all cheering]
#358
⇓
I was trapped in by the ribbon.
#359
⇓
Yeah, it's always something with you guys.
#360
⇓
Hey, Brian, I got something for you.
#361
⇓
What? I thought you liked that thing.
#362
⇓
It turns out we had some irreconcilable differences.
#363
⇓
See, I'm a Taurus,
#364
⇓
and they're a home-wrecking slut.
#365
⇓
Stewie, I have absolutely zero interest in your $6 toy.
#366
⇓
[squeaks]
#367
⇓
Hey there, Rupert. Hey, you know what?
#368
⇓
Let's have our lunch by the window.
#369
⇓
There's something I'd like you to see.
#370
⇓
- [growling] - [squeaking]
#371
⇓
You see?
#372
⇓
You did this, Rupert. You did.
#373
⇓
You humiliated me, and this is what happens.
#374
⇓
You do not play games with me.
#375
⇓
[growling]
#376
⇓
But, to be clear, I'm still a free spirit.
#377
⇓
Super chill, super open, super down for whatever.
#378
⇓
Hey, Meg? We're all gonna miss you.
#379
⇓
And if you could pour this bag of urine
#380
⇓
on top of wherever you bury Brian's bone,
#381
⇓
that'd be huge for me.
#382
⇓
I'm really gonna miss you too, Meg.
#383
⇓
- Really? - Well, yeah.
#384
⇓
Worrying about the sound my headboard makes against the wall
#385
⇓
is a big part of it for me.
#386
⇓
I'll miss that tension.
#387
⇓
It's part of my scenario.
#388
⇓
That's really sweet, Chris.
#389
⇓
[♪ sentimental music playing]
#390
⇓
Wow.
#391
⇓
Now, I'm actually feeling kind of sad to leave you guys.
#392
⇓
Yeah. Too bad you can't back out now.
#393
⇓
You'd be widely hated, and deservedly so.
#394
⇓
[all cheering]
#395
⇓
Tom Tucker, live here from Cape Quahog,
#396
⇓
where local resident Meg Griffin
#397
⇓
is about to become the first person ever to go to Mars.
#398
⇓
Truly, a historic moment, which we will now celebrate
#399
⇓
with a small but affordable clip
#400
⇓
of Europe's The Final Countdown.
#401
⇓
[♪ "The Final Countdown" starts playing]
#402
⇓
[music stops abruptly]
#403
⇓
[crowd cheering]
#404
⇓
[♪ triumphant music playing]
#405
⇓
Meg's only companion for the flight
#406
⇓
will be a year's supply of food.
#407
⇓
And because she's a woman, her pillow from home.
#408
⇓
[crowd cheering]
#409
⇓
[♪ melancholy music playing]
#410
⇓
Oh, my God. She doesn't want to go.
#411
⇓
We gotta call off the launch.
#412
⇓
Prepare launch sequence.
#413
⇓
Wait! Stop!
#414
⇓
No.
#415
⇓
No? But...
#416
⇓
But that's my daughter in there.
#417
⇓
Yeah. We can't just stop
#418
⇓
every time a mom bursts in here.
#419
⇓
You think Neil Armstrong's mom
#420
⇓
didn't burst in and say, "Wait, stop"?
#421
⇓
They always say "Wait, stop!"
#422
⇓
Initiate countdown.
#423
⇓
[alarm blaring]
#424
⇓
And it looks like it's time
#425
⇓
for the cryptcoin.com countdown.
#426
⇓
[reading numbers]
#427
⇓
And now, it is no longer the cryptcoin.com countdown.
#428
⇓
Anyway. Ten, nine...
#429
⇓
Oh, man.
#430
⇓
I hope I'm making the right decision.
#431
⇓
What am I talking about? Of course I am.
#432
⇓
Mom didn't even bother to see me off,
#433
⇓
much less say, "Wait, stop!"
#434
⇓
like Neil Armstrong's mom.
#435
⇓
- [thump] - [Lois] Wait! Stop!
#436
⇓
Mom?
#437
⇓
Nobody shoots my baby into space!
#438
⇓
Mom, what are you doing?
#439
⇓
This is super dangerous.
#440
⇓
Oh, don't worry, Meg.
#441
⇓
They'll never shoot off a rocket
#442
⇓
with a woman holding on to the--
#443
⇓
Oh... [bleep]
#444
⇓
[Tom] And we have liftoff.
#445
⇓
[Lois screaming]
#446
⇓
Oh, my God! Is that Lois?
#447
⇓
Mom's gone. Dad, can I go to the Pornhub Awards?
#448
⇓
Yeah, sure, Stewie.
#449
⇓
[cheering]
#450
⇓
[screaming]
#451
⇓
Just hold on.
#452
⇓
Channel Tom Cruise at his most mentally ill.
#453
⇓
Why are we turning?
#454
⇓
[siren blaring]
#455
⇓
Mom, we're going down!
#456
⇓
Oh, God, oh, God! I can't die like this.
#457
⇓
I never finished The Wire.
#458
⇓
I never started The Wire.
#459
⇓
[rapid beeping]
#460
⇓
[Tom] And here it comes,
#461
⇓
the horrifying crash we were all secretly hoping for.
#462
⇓
[screaming]
#463
⇓
[gasps]
#464
⇓
[all gasp]
#465
⇓
Oh, my God!
#466
⇓
She's got the car keys.
#467
⇓
I'm sorry you won't get to go to Mars.
#468
⇓
Well, I'm just glad we got lucky and the rocket crashed.
#469
⇓
[Bensinger on megaphone] Luck had nothing to do with it.
#470
⇓
Hey, we're saved.
#471
⇓
It was the mom that caused the crash.
#472
⇓
You can't suddenly add 145 pounds
#473
⇓
to a carefully calibrated propulsion system.
#474
⇓
to a carefully calibrated propulsion system.
#474
⇓
A hundred forty-five? No!
#475
⇓
A hundred forty-five? No!
#475
⇓
I'm only 128.
#476
⇓
I'm only 128.
#476
⇓
No, we tested 128. We could handle 128.
#477
⇓
No, we tested 128. We could handle 128.
#477
⇓
One twenty-eight and the rocket's in space right now.
#478
⇓
One twenty-eight and the rocket's in space right now.
#478
⇓
Okay, maybe 130 with shoes on.
#479
⇓
Okay, maybe 130 with shoes on.
#479
⇓
But I'd know if I was 145.
#480
⇓
But I'd know if I was 145.
#480
⇓
Oh, I wonder who I believe more.
#481
⇓
Oh, I wonder who I believe more.
#481
⇓
A mom with no job or six nerds from MIT.
#482
⇓
A mom with no job or six nerds from MIT.
#482
⇓
Hmm.
#483
⇓
Hmm.
#483
⇓
I think I'll go with the nerds.
#484
⇓
I think I'll go with the nerds.
#484
⇓
[all laughing]
#485
⇓
[all laughing]
#485
⇓
[chuckles] So funny.
#486
⇓
[chuckles] So funny.
#486
⇓
So good. Okay. Okay.
#487
⇓
So good. Okay. Okay.
#487
⇓
Anyway, get in this basket.
#488
⇓
Anyway, get in this basket.
#488
⇓
[♪ sentimental music playing]
#489
⇓
[♪ sentimental music playing]
#489
⇓
See? That's exactly what we were talking about.
#490
⇓
See? That's exactly what we were talking about.
#490
⇓
One twenty-eight and we're back on dry land.
#491
⇓
One twenty-eight and we're back on dry land.
#491
⇓
[Lois] But maybe it's because I have stuff in my pocket.
#492
⇓
[Lois] But maybe it's because I have stuff in my pocket.
#492
⇓
It's definitely not the stuff.
#493
⇓
It's definitely not the stuff.
#493
⇓
We'll go get the livestock crate.
#494
⇓
We'll go get the livestock crate.
#494
⇓
[♪ theme music playing]
#495
⇓
[♪ theme music playing]
#495
⇓
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