Home » Family Guy » S23E14 — Cool Hand Lois

Family Guy

Season 23, Episode 14 — Cool Hand Lois

♪ It seems today that all you see ♪

#1

⇓

♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪

#2

⇓

♪ But where are those Good old-fashioned values ♪

#3

⇓

[all] ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪

#4

⇓

♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪

#5

⇓

♪ Lucky there's a man who Positively can do ♪

#6

⇓

♪ All the things that make us ♪

#7

⇓

♪ Laugh and cry! ♪

#8

⇓

[all] ♪ He's a family guy! ♪

#9

⇓

[indistinct chatter]

#10

⇓

You know, say what you want about Quahog,

#11

⇓

but I am so impressed seeing all these donations

#12

⇓

from our very own community.

#13

⇓

I'm curious if our old VCR is getting any nibbles.

#14

⇓

Peter, don't bid on it.

#15

⇓

[Peter] I want it back.

#16

⇓

Welcome, everyone, to the live auction portion of the evening.

#17

⇓

First up, a romantic vacation for two

#18

⇓

at a historic bed and breakfast along the coast.

#19

⇓

Oh, that actually sounds pretty nice.

#20

⇓

Peter, give me the paddle.

#21

⇓

$200!

#22

⇓

Yes. $200 from someone's hot wife.

#23

⇓

$250!

#24

⇓

$250 from a slightly less attractive woman.

#25

⇓

Unless, of course, I hear $300!

#26

⇓

$500.

#27

⇓

$500 from Sydney Sweeney's twin sister.

#28

⇓

Do I hear six?

#29

⇓

Sold to Lois Griffin,

#30

⇓

whose husband just lost the silent auction for the VHS player.

#31

⇓

Aw.

#32

⇓

My Lawnmower Man tape is still in there.

#33

⇓

I can't believe I actually won.

#34

⇓

I have not felt a rush like this

#35

⇓

since I had exact change at the grocery store.

#36

⇓

- [beep] - That will be $22.48.

#37

⇓

Oh, I think I have change.

#38

⇓

Uh... 40, 45...

#39

⇓

Oh my God!

#40

⇓

Exactly 48 cents. Can you believe that?

#41

⇓

Well, today must be my lucky day.

#42

⇓

I'm gonna take this as my sign to stay open

#43

⇓

and say yes to everything.

#44

⇓

And would you like to round your purchase up

#45

⇓

for our "kids with cancer" charity?

#46

⇓

Oh, God, no! No, no.

#47

⇓

I don't even like looking at that picture.

#48

⇓

I can't believe I won a trip!

#49

⇓

Did you see the offended look on Bonnie's face?

#50

⇓

Yep, got it locked and loaded.

#51

⇓

A real bed and breakfast.

#52

⇓

Peter, this trip is my one chance to relax and enjoy myself.

#53

⇓

I spend every day taking care of other people in this house

#54

⇓

and just once, just once,

#55

⇓

I want to feel taken care of.

#56

⇓

Okay, Lois.

#57

⇓

Thank you.

#58

⇓

What weekend should we go?

#59

⇓

Where's that now?

#60

⇓

To the bed and breakfast.

#61

⇓

Oh, no way I'm doing that.

#62

⇓

Not after our last romantic vacation.

#63

⇓

Sir, my condolences.

#64

⇓

But I wanted to let you know that Peter Mayhew,

#65

⇓

who originally played Chewbacca, has passed away.

#66

⇓

No!

#67

⇓

I'm so sorry, sir.

#68

⇓

Thank you, butler who I bring on vacations

#69

⇓

just in case Peter Mayhew dies.

#70

⇓

It's been an honor, sir.

#71

⇓

I'm not paying him for the full week.

#72

⇓

Chris, I have your clea...

#73

⇓

When did you get a souvenir of the Washington Monument?

#74

⇓

Ma! Get out!

#75

⇓

Oh, my God!

#76

⇓

Oh, my God! Wha...

#77

⇓

What the hell, Chris? Can't you lock the door?

#78

⇓

Oh, my God, I can't unsee that now.

#79

⇓

Think how I feel.

#80

⇓

Now I'm gonna need someone to walk in

#81

⇓

at that precise moment every time,

#82

⇓

or it's not gonna work anymore!

#83

⇓

Put that on your chore list, Mother!

#84

⇓

What's wrong, Mom?

#85

⇓

I just walked in on your brother.

#86

⇓

Oh, my God, it's 9:00 in the morning.

#87

⇓

What is wrong with boys? A girl would never do that.

#88

⇓

I don't know.

#89

⇓

Why do you think I slide down the banister to breakfast?

#90

⇓

Come on, Meg. Everyone knows women don't pleasure themselves.

#91

⇓

You seriously think that?

#92

⇓

Well, yeah.

#93

⇓

So are you saying when you use the bidet,

#94

⇓

you're facing forward?

#95

⇓

Of course.

#96

⇓

And when you ride a bike,

#97

⇓

you're just going out for exercise?

#98

⇓

Yeah.

#99

⇓

Look, all my free time just goes

#100

⇓

to taking care of other people and then lording it over them.

#101

⇓

Wow. Maybe that's why you're such a bitch all the time.

#102

⇓

- What's that? - I said, you should totally try it.

#103

⇓

Pick the hottest guy you can think of and go to town.

#104

⇓

What's stopping you?

#105

⇓

I don't know.

#106

⇓

Maybe it has something to do with those films

#107

⇓

they used to show us in masturbation ed class.

#108

⇓

[narrator] Samantha was alone

#109

⇓

and thought she might begin to know her body.

#110

⇓

- [screaming] - [narrator] Instead, she got to know

#111

⇓

her grave.

#112

⇓

I don't know, Meg.

#113

⇓

I'm not sure my subconscious will allow me

#114

⇓

to think about any man other than your father,

#115

⇓

but thanks anyway.

#116

⇓

- You're a good Daughtry. - I'm not that great.

#117

⇓

Oh, Denzel yourself short.

#118

⇓

I'm just out of my Depp here.

#119

⇓

I can learn to live with the Bardem.

#120

⇓

Well, Estrada the laundry.

#121

⇓

I should go finish it.

#122

⇓

Anyway, Ryan Gosling.

#123

⇓

Ah, another day over and done.

#124

⇓

Kids are asleep.

#125

⇓

I put on all my creams that do nothing,

#126

⇓

and Peter won't be back for an hour.

#127

⇓

I have the whole night to myself.

#128

⇓

I guess I could check in on Mindy Kaling's body journey.

#129

⇓

Oh, she credits her weight loss to walking.

#130

⇓

Yeah, you stick with that, Mindy.

#131

⇓

The bigger the lie, the more people will believe it.

#132

⇓

Ooh. What's this?

#133

⇓

John Cena chops wood,

#134

⇓

and you won't believe the results.

#135

⇓

[laughs]

#136

⇓

Well, I didn't expect those results at all.

#137

⇓

Well, I didn't expect those results at all.

#137

⇓

[Meg's voice] Do it, Mom. It's just you

#138

⇓

[Meg's voice] Do it, Mom. It's just you

#138

⇓

and John Cena's rippling shoulder and neck area.

#139

⇓

and John Cena's rippling shoulder and neck area.

#139

⇓

Now's the time!

#140

⇓

Now's the time!

#140

⇓

Huh. Maybe my subconscious memory of Meg's advice is right.

#141

⇓

[Meg] No! It's actually me.

#142

⇓

I can hear you talking to yourself through the wall.

#143

⇓

Oh, just go for it already! I'm not even listening.

#144

⇓

I'm gonna pop in my pods and fall asleep to some old Stanley Cups.

#145

⇓

[inhales and exhales]

#146

⇓

She's right. It's now or never.

#147

⇓

Hell yeah, Yzerman! Let's go!

#148

⇓

Ah, okay.

#149

⇓

Focus, Lois.

#150

⇓

[inhales deeply, sighs]

#151

⇓

[breathing deeply]

#152

⇓

[crowd cheering]

#153

⇓

[giggling]

#154

⇓

Jimmy Connors?

#155

⇓

Jimmy Connors.

#156

⇓

All right, well, since your mom is nowhere to be found,

#157

⇓

I think we should go around the table

#158

⇓

and say who you think the hottest family member is.

#159

⇓

And don't say no one.

#160

⇓

You should probably just ask us how school was, Dad.

#161

⇓

I heard "you" and "Dad."

#162

⇓

So thank you, Chris. I also picked myself.

#163

⇓

Where is Lois anyway? I'm starving.

#164

⇓

I don't know, but I've been hearing a lot of buzz.

#165

⇓

What have you been hearing?

#166

⇓

A literal buzz. Lot of it.

#167

⇓

Mom, what's for dinner?

#168

⇓

Fish fingers!

#169

⇓

Yuck!

#170

⇓

Sorry I'm a little late.

#171

⇓

Let it be noted that everyone else

#172

⇓

was able to pleasure themselves in a timely fashion

#173

⇓

and still show up to dinner promptly.

#174

⇓

Well, everyone is free to do what they want.

#175

⇓

I choose to take care of myself.

#176

⇓

And if people aren't satisfied with that,

#177

⇓

then they can take care of themselves, too.

#178

⇓

That includes cooking dinner.

#179

⇓

Look, Mom, nobody is happier for you than I am, really.

#180

⇓

This is a mitzvah at the highest level,

#181

⇓

but not if it doesn't put a weird over-salted white pasta

#182

⇓

on the damn table.

#183

⇓

Chris is right. We can't do everything, Lois.

#184

⇓

What are we supposed to eat every night?

#185

⇓

The kids' leftover Halloween candy?

#186

⇓

Maybe I can do some of this stuff.

#187

⇓

Okay, enough!

#188

⇓

You know, I always thought making other people happy

#189

⇓

was what made me happy,

#190

⇓

but it turns out making me happy is what makes me happy.

#191

⇓

And I plan on doing a lot more of that.

#192

⇓

So that's what's up, Doc.

#193

⇓

[anchor] Good day. This is BBC's Football This Morning.

#194

⇓

Highlighting the Premier League's

#195

⇓

most exciting biracial footballers with British accents.

#196

⇓

Oh!

#197

⇓

As we screen these soft focus snaps of deep bronze footballers,

#198

⇓

bear in mind, they all speak the Queen's English.

#199

⇓

Oh, yeah!

#200

⇓

[anchor] Here's one eating crisps.

#201

⇓

Oh, that means potato chips.

#202

⇓

[anchor] Here's one in his flat.

#203

⇓

Mm! Sexier than "apartment."

#204

⇓

[anchor] And here's one with a calendar updating his schedule.

#205

⇓

Ah! Same word pronounced different!

#206

⇓

- [cell phone ringing] - Hello?

#207

⇓

Hey, Lois, it's Todd from TJ Maxx.

#208

⇓

I noticed you haven't been aimlessly wandering the aisles lately.

#209

⇓

Oh, hi, Todd.

#210

⇓

Yeah, I finally discovered the art of self-pleasure.

#211

⇓

Sorry you had to find out like that.

#212

⇓

No worries. We actually get this call more often than you might think.

#213

⇓

I'll let HomeGoods know.

#214

⇓

I think it's best they hear it from us.

#215

⇓

- [line rings] - Hi, Todd.

#216

⇓

It's Todd.

#217

⇓

No, I haven't seen Lois.

#218

⇓

And that's exactly why I'm calling.

#219

⇓

Can I help you find something?

#220

⇓

Principal Shepherd, is that you?

#221

⇓

Ah, you've got me. How deeply humiliating.

#222

⇓

Oh, no, not at all.

#223

⇓

Sex is nothing to be ashamed of.

#224

⇓

Okay, well, you ruined it.

#225

⇓

Anyway, perhaps I can interest you

#226

⇓

in our new Mission: Impossible line of toys.

#227

⇓

There's the Tom Bruise, the Ring Veins,

#228

⇓

and Simon Pegg is still just Simon Pegg.

#229

⇓

I think I'll just browse a bit.

#230

⇓

All right, well, a general heads-up.

#231

⇓

I don't have enough wet floor signs to cover the wet floor,

#232

⇓

but just assume everywhere is wet.

#233

⇓

[both exclaim]

#234

⇓

Bonnie? [chuckles] What are you doing here?

#235

⇓

I never expected to see you at this little hole in the wall

#236

⇓

with all the little holes in the wall.

#237

⇓

Oh, I've been coming for years.

#238

⇓

Really? I thought this place just opened.

#239

⇓

Yes.

#240

⇓

I can't believe you also enjoy

#241

⇓

feeling physically and emotionally satisfied.

#242

⇓

I thought I was the only one.

#243

⇓

Well, the media likes to act like a woman's sex drive

#244

⇓

is not as strong as a man's,

#245

⇓

and they're definitely right, but it's still kind of strong, probably.

#246

⇓

I totally agree.

#247

⇓

You know, you look really great, by the way.

#248

⇓

Ah! Listen to me. [chuckles]

#249

⇓

I think that was my first genuine compliment to another woman.

#250

⇓

Yeah. When you realize you don't need a man for pleasure,

#251

⇓

other women no longer feel threatening.

#252

⇓

Oh, jeez, Bonnie, you know, it's so nice.

#253

⇓

After all these years of constantly comparing ourselves to each other--

#254

⇓

I haven't been doing that.

#255

⇓

Well, it's just so nice to finally find out that we aren't so different.

#256

⇓

Yeah.

#257

⇓

Hey, you want to go get a glass of wine or something?

#258

⇓

I'd love that.

#259

⇓

You know, all this sexual liberation

#260

⇓

has just made me feel so open-minded and giving.

#261

⇓

And would you like to round up your total for Make-A-Wish?

#262

⇓

Ugh! God, no! No, no, no!

#263

⇓

[narrator on TV] From the makers of The Last Temptation of Christ

#264

⇓

comes The Second to Last Temptation of Christ.

#265

⇓

[indistinct whispering]

#266

⇓

Can I tempt anyone with dessert?

#267

⇓

Ooh, yeah! We'll have the cheesecake.

#268

⇓

I see that paleo thing didn't last long.

#269

⇓

I'm sorry, Judas,

#270

⇓

does the global calendar begin with your birth or mine?

#271

⇓

[all] Ooh!

#272

⇓

Uh, yeah, we'll have the cheesecake.

#273

⇓

I'm glad you're all here.

#274

⇓

I have an announcement to make.

#275

⇓

No, not Chubby Checker! Not today!

#276

⇓

Chubby Checker's fine, Peter. This is about me.

#277

⇓

Wow, breaking news!

#278

⇓

Wife somehow makes Chubby Checker's near death about herself.

#279

⇓

Look, I want to thank you all for indulging me this past week.

#280

⇓

I've been on a journey with my body and my spirit,

#281

⇓

and you've all given me lots of space

#282

⇓

to explore new desires, and I appreciate all that.

#283

⇓

And one more thing:

#284

⇓

I'm dating Bonnie now.

#285

⇓

Hello!

#286

⇓

[all gasping]

#287

⇓

- [straining] - [screaming]

#288

⇓

[all cheering]

#289

⇓

[groaning]

#290

⇓

- You heard? - Yeah, I heard.

#291

⇓

[cell phones vibrating]

#292

⇓

[laughing]

#293

⇓

Okay. What is it? What's so funny?

#294

⇓

Just something from Donna. She's hilarious.

#295

⇓

I don't know much about the model or make,

#296

⇓

but I do understand the societal theories about Subarus

#297

⇓

and the women who enjoy them.

#298

⇓

Okay, fellas. I see what this is about.

#299

⇓

Which one of you sly little rascals is buying a new car?

#300

⇓

No, Joe, this is about the fact that your wife is dating my wife,

#301

⇓

and it's all your fault.

#302

⇓

If you had just pleased your wife, none of this would be happening.

#303

⇓

Oh, okay, Peter.

#304

⇓

And by that logic, I suppose it's also her trainer's fault.

#305

⇓

And Sensei Ryan's fault.

#306

⇓

Times have changed.

#307

⇓

Nowadays, you have to let your wives be unfaithful

#308

⇓

if it's presented through the lens of "living their truth."

#309

⇓

This is humiliating. Being a cuckold sucks.

#310

⇓

It's not so bad, Peter.

#311

⇓

The trick is to get really into World War I Reddit.

#312

⇓

Or as we in the community call it,

#313

⇓

the Great War.

#314

⇓

Because at that time, no one knew there would be a second one, see?

#315

⇓

Look, Peter, I know this must be strange,

#316

⇓

but the best thing that you and Joe can both do

#317

⇓

is accept this budding and probably quite playful relationship

#318

⇓

between your mutually wet-mouthed wives.

#319

⇓

Oh, God, it's happening again! [straining]

#320

⇓

[all cheering]

#321

⇓

Peter, what the hell?

#322

⇓

I got upset when I saw the suitcase.

#323

⇓

I also killed a bird and left it in the bathtub.

#324

⇓

It's just one weekend.

#325

⇓

Bonnie and I are going on the trip to Munchruggit

#326

⇓

that you didn't want to go on.

#327

⇓

Whoa, whoa, whoa! I never heard nothing about a trip.

#328

⇓

Yes, you did. But I'll tell you again.

#329

⇓

It's that quaint little bed and breakfast

#330

⇓

[voice fading] off of Route 4...

#331

⇓

[Peter] She's right. Because this is exactly

#332

⇓

where I stopped listening last time

#333

⇓

and started thinking about Wolverine.

#334

⇓

Okay, you win. Wolverine is the coolest X-Man.

#335

⇓

Peter, I am going on this vacation.

#336

⇓

Unless you are trying to tell your wife she can't live her truth.

#337

⇓

[Cleveland's voice] Remember, Peter,

#338

⇓

you have to let your wife be unfaithful

#339

⇓

if it's presented through the lens of "living her truth."

#340

⇓

Wow. My memory of what Cleveland said is right.

#341

⇓

[Cleveland] No, it's really me.

#342

⇓

Meg pays for the NHL package,

#343

⇓

so I come over here to watch and drink full-sugar cola.

#344

⇓

Don't tell Donna about the full-sugar cola, though.

#345

⇓

That's not her truth.

#346

⇓

What a mess.

#347

⇓

You can just tell these eggs weren't scrambled by a woman

#348

⇓

doing a thousand-yard stare out the kitchen window.

#349

⇓

Agreed, a bit low on malaise.

#350

⇓

This is ridiculous.

#351

⇓

Peter, are you seriously just gonna let your wife run off with someone else?

#352

⇓

What choice do I have?

#353

⇓

Listen, I know our fans on TikTok aren't gonna like this,

#354

⇓

but cheating with a woman is still cheating.

#355

⇓

In fact, it's sexist to think that it isn't.

#356

⇓

Sorry, I said it.

#357

⇓

Oh, no! Brian's getting canceled.

#358

⇓

Wait, I take it back. The future is female.

#359

⇓

One podcast is totally enough

#360

⇓

to call yourself a comedian in your Twitter profile.

#361

⇓

Look, Dad. What Brian can't say, but I can,

#362

⇓

is that you can still fight for your marriage.

#363

⇓

You're allowed to tell your wife that you care about her.

#364

⇓

You're right.

#365

⇓

I'm calling Joe, and we are getting our wives back.

#366

⇓

[dialing]

#367

⇓

[automated voice] We're sorry.

#368

⇓

The Cricket Wireless subscriber you are trying to reach is unavailable.

#369

⇓

Try yelling their name out the window.

#370

⇓

Joe!

#371

⇓

Hey there, Peter.

#372

⇓

What's with the Cricket Wireless?

#373

⇓

Well, they had a DJ in the parking lot,

#374

⇓

so let's just say I uptown funked my way into a great family plan.

#375

⇓

Listen, I think we need to go find Bonnie and Lois

#376

⇓

before it's too late.

#377

⇓

Yeah, I think so, too.

#378

⇓

I can't take much more of Cleveland and Donna's suspicious looks.

#379

⇓

You said Bonnie and Lois were at church today,

#380

⇓

but we were at church, and they weren't there.

#381

⇓

That's because they were at Super Church.

#382

⇓

Long as they aren't taking a secret lesbian holiday.

#383

⇓

Mm-hmm. Long as that.

#384

⇓

Wow. This hotel is great.

#385

⇓

I've never seen so many women printing out Tori Amos tickets

#386

⇓

in a business center.

#387

⇓

Look, they even have an open mic night

#388

⇓

for whichever one of you two is the funny one.

#389

⇓

- That's me. - Oh.

#390

⇓

I guess that makes me the one that obsesses over fake illnesses.

#391

⇓

Anyway, I gotta sit down.

#392

⇓

My knee is doing that milky thing again.

#393

⇓

Yeah, sure it is.

#394

⇓

Anyway, I'm just glad we finally made it.

#395

⇓

Now that we're here, do you want to have sex

#396

⇓

or complain about the room?

#397

⇓

What? Complain about this room?

#398

⇓

What's there even to complain about?

#399

⇓

We have a nice queen-size bed, which honestly should be a king.

#400

⇓

But look at the view.

#401

⇓

I mean, do I think their nicest room should be facing north?

#402

⇓

No, but there's a closet.

#403

⇓

Well. [chuckles]

#404

⇓

It's a space with six hangers, so I'm guessing that's what it is.

#405

⇓

Although, not seeing any hangers with clips.

#406

⇓

So I guess they think nobody wears skirts or pants.

#407

⇓

You know what? I'm calling the front desk.

#408

⇓

How long before we get to Munchruggit?

#409

⇓

GPS says it takes two hours.

#410

⇓

- [cell phone chimes] - [gasps]

#411

⇓

Oh, my God, Joe, you just got an OpenTable notification.

#412

⇓

It looks like Bonnie and Lois are going out to a romantic dinner.

#413

⇓

- Step on it. - It's a Kia Sorento.

#414

⇓

This is as fast as it goes.

#415

⇓

You got to get rid of this thing.

#416

⇓

Yep, 91 more payments and I'm free.

#417

⇓

I need to stop signing contracts from DJs in parking lots.

#418

⇓

Well, I think we should start with whichever dish

#419

⇓

won't cause your speculative GI issues to flare up,

#420

⇓

since we're gonna be intimate later.

#421

⇓

Or we could just lean into it.

#422

⇓

Wha... What? No!

#423

⇓

Wait. What do you mean?

#424

⇓

Ladies, what can I get you?

#425

⇓

Hi. My friend has dietary restrictions,

#426

⇓

so we have five minutes of questions

#427

⇓

before we ultimately order something not on the menu.

#428

⇓

Do you have any chicken that's a fish?

#429

⇓

[sighs] I'm gonna go check with the kitchen,

#430

⇓

and I'm definitely not gonna just quit on the spot.

#431

⇓

Hi. We're two husbands trying to get our wives

#432

⇓

to stop running away with each other.

#433

⇓

Oh, well, there's a wait right now,

#434

⇓

but if you'd like to stand with the other husbands,

#435

⇓

we'll get you when your table's ready.

#436

⇓

Hi there. We were just discussing World War I.

#437

⇓

Don't you mean "The Great War"?

#438

⇓

All right, get in here, you.

#439

⇓

You're gonna do just fine here.

#440

⇓

[indistinct chatter]

#441

⇓

[laughing]

#442

⇓

There they are, Joe.

#443

⇓

Look at them in there, enjoying themselves.

#444

⇓

Used to be sexually unsatisfied women

#445

⇓

who would just funnel all their anger into putting seashells all over the house.

#446

⇓

They do look really happy.

#447

⇓

Yeah. Lois hasn't looked that happy with me in years.

#448

⇓

[laughing]

#449

⇓

[sighs] What if Cleveland was right?

#450

⇓

We can't stop our wives from being happy.

#451

⇓

I love Lois,

#452

⇓

and she deserves to be with someone she loves, too.

#453

⇓

Even if it isn't me.

#454

⇓

I guess we just ought to go home, then.

#455

⇓

I guess so.

#456

⇓

Why don't we try to pee-pee before we leave,

#457

⇓

and then we'll get out of here.

#458

⇓

I don't have to pee-pee.

#459

⇓

Why don't we try to pee-pee?

#460

⇓

[groans]

#461

⇓

Are you ready?

#462

⇓

I feel like my stomach is being ripped to shreds by tikka masala.

#463

⇓

But sure, let's roll the dice.

#464

⇓

Wow. I can't believe I didn't stop Lois

#465

⇓

from doing the thing I've spent 20 years begging her to do.

#466

⇓

Look, I didn't want to bring this up,

#467

⇓

but I did do an Internet search,

#468

⇓

and it said that in this scenario,

#469

⇓

the only right response

#470

⇓

is for the husbands to give the wives a taste of their own medicine.

#471

⇓

And this was a pornographic--

#472

⇓

This was a very convincing pornographic video, yes.

#473

⇓

Well, now we have a problem and a secret.

#474

⇓

Ah, I'm so happy to be back home,

#475

⇓

and I brought everyone lots of seashells.

#476

⇓

That's gonna be my new thing.

#477

⇓

Putting seashells everywhere you can imagine.

#478

⇓

So, how was it, being with Bonnie?

#479

⇓

Well...

#480

⇓

You know how Wendy's fish filet looks really good in the commercial,

#481

⇓

and then you go to Wendy's and you open up the bread,

#482

⇓

and you can't really tell what the different parts of the sandwich are,

#483

⇓

and then you don't even want it anymore?

#484

⇓

What are you saying, Lois?

#485

⇓

You didn't actually cheat on me?

#486

⇓

Of course not, Peter.

#487

⇓

And to think you almost had a hall pass to sleep with one of your friends.

#488

⇓

[laughs] Imagine that!

#489

⇓

[all laughing]

#490

⇓

[Peter laughs awkwardly]

#491

⇓

Oh, man, that is... that is... Yeah, that is... That is hilarious.

#492

⇓

[doorbell rings]

#493

⇓

The trip is off.

#494

⇓

And did you ever find my Minion sock?

#495

⇓

I told you to call the hotel, Peter.

#496

⇓

I can't. I forgot which fake name I used.

#497

⇓

Hey, Todd.

#498

⇓

Did Wade Boggs check out? He forgot his Minion sock.

#499

⇓

[♪ theme music playing]

#500

⇓