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Season 23, Episode 13 — The Fat Lotus
[♪ tribal music playing]
#1
⇓
[♪ tribal music playing]
#1
⇓
It's awful, just awful.
#2
⇓
It's awful, just awful.
#2
⇓
I got these for free and I put in prescription lenses.
#3
⇓
I got these for free and I put in prescription lenses.
#3
⇓
Okay, let's go crowd the gate
#4
⇓
Okay, let's go crowd the gate
#4
⇓
even though we're in group R.
#5
⇓
even though we're in group R.
#5
⇓
♪ On a coconut island ♪
#6
⇓
♪ On a coconut island ♪
#6
⇓
♪ I'd like to be a castaway with you ♪
#7
⇓
♪ I'd like to be a castaway with you ♪
#7
⇓
♪ On a coconut island there wouldn't be so... ♪
#8
⇓
♪ On a coconut island there wouldn't be so... ♪
#8
⇓
Man, Bermuda is beautiful, isn't it?
#9
⇓
Man, Bermuda is beautiful, isn't it?
#9
⇓
You bet. And now I can cross another place off my Kokomo bucket list.
#10
⇓
You bet. And now I can cross another place off my Kokomo bucket list.
#10
⇓
What's that?
#11
⇓
What's that?
#11
⇓
Oh, I sorta used the lyrics to Kokomo
#12
⇓
Oh, I sorta used the lyrics to Kokomo
#12
⇓
as my life's itinerary. I don't have a travel agent.
#13
⇓
as my life's itinerary. I don't have a travel agent.
#13
⇓
- I just have Kokomo. - [Cleveland] Mmm.
#14
⇓
- I just have Kokomo. - [Cleveland] Mmm.
#14
⇓
I do recall your trips to Aruba and Montego.
#15
⇓
I do recall your trips to Aruba and Montego.
#15
⇓
Yep, and now Bermuda,
#16
⇓
Yep, and now Bermuda,
#16
⇓
uh, I did Benihana...
#17
⇓
uh, I did Benihana...
#17
⇓
- It's not "Benihana." - Sure is.
#18
⇓
- It's not "Benihana." - Sure is.
#18
⇓
It's the cheapest one, honestly.
#19
⇓
It's the cheapest one, honestly.
#19
⇓
Boy, I can't wait till we can finally go to Kokomo.
#20
⇓
Boy, I can't wait till we can finally go to Kokomo.
#20
⇓
Kokomo isn't real, Joe.
#21
⇓
It's a common misconception.
#22
⇓
If you go to all the others, you unlock Kokomo.
#23
⇓
Only thing about Kokomo, though,
#24
⇓
is you can check out any time you like...
#25
⇓
but you can never leave.
#26
⇓
That's something else entirely!
#27
⇓
[♪ tribal music playing]
#28
⇓
Welcome to the White Lotus Bermuda!
#29
⇓
Named after the sports car, not the flower.
#30
⇓
Wow, Brian, you look so handsome in that suit!
#31
⇓
And I can't believe they already
#32
⇓
promoted you to manager!
#33
⇓
Honestly, Lois, working here has been just the change I needed.
#34
⇓
I made the choice to sober up
#35
⇓
and start a new clean life.
#36
⇓
Me and Jeffrey can't believe
#37
⇓
we's finally in the Bermuda Guy-Angle,
#38
⇓
where we hear lots of handsome men
#39
⇓
have mysteriously gone down over the years.
#40
⇓
[laughing] This is already a good trip.
#41
⇓
For a grand a night, that should really be an iPad.
#42
⇓
[♪ tribal music playing]
#43
⇓
Wow, look at this room!
#44
⇓
And what a beautiful painting!
#45
⇓
Ah, yes. By a talented local artist.
#46
⇓
It depicts the legend of a fat husband
#47
⇓
who ignored his wife,
#48
⇓
so she beheaded him
#49
⇓
and had sex with his best friend,
#50
⇓
who was a regional airline pilot.
#51
⇓
Man, I just don't get art.
#52
⇓
Yeah, great, can we just get to my room?
#53
⇓
I've been holding in a dump since America.
#54
⇓
Look at us, Peter, huh?
#55
⇓
Finally on a romantic vacation together!
#56
⇓
[gasps] Ooh, you know what? Let's have crazy vacation sex,
#57
⇓
right here, right now!
#58
⇓
Eh, I dunno, maybe later.
#59
⇓
I mean, you know my kryptonite is drapes that can open by a button.
#60
⇓
Pick your poison, Lois.
#61
⇓
Just the sheers? Full blackout? Or--
#62
⇓
Uh, I think I broke it.
#63
⇓
[sighs] Forget it. I'll be at the pool.
#64
⇓
Okay, I'll meet you down there.
#65
⇓
I need 20 minutes for those red lines from my socks to smooth out.
#66
⇓
[♪ tribal music playing]
#67
⇓
[slurping]
#68
⇓
Oh, Brian, I'm so glad you're here.
#69
⇓
I never do this,
#70
⇓
but one of the bellhops yelled at me
#71
⇓
when I was playing on the baggage cart
#72
⇓
and I want him fired.
#73
⇓
Stewie, he has three children.
#74
⇓
Yeah, again, I never do this...
#75
⇓
Why are you dressed like that?
#76
⇓
Oh, when I go on vacation, I like to spice things up
#77
⇓
by adopting a travel persona named "Desmond Voyage."
#78
⇓
Oh, and one other teensy thing,
#79
⇓
I actually specifically requested an ocean-view room.
#80
⇓
You have an ocean-view room.
#81
⇓
Eh, technically, I'm looking out onto a bay.
#82
⇓
It's water.
#83
⇓
Yeah, a bay is actually a curvature in the shoreline
#84
⇓
that creates an inlet.
#85
⇓
I don't want to have to look at any land.
#86
⇓
[sighs]
#87
⇓
Oh, hey, there.
#88
⇓
We's just gonna scooch in next to you,
#89
⇓
but sorry if we get loud.
#90
⇓
We's just settlin' an argument
#91
⇓
about what the deal is with Hilaria Baldwin.
#92
⇓
I'll tell you her deal.
#93
⇓
She's a woman from Boston named Hillary Hayward-Thomas,
#94
⇓
who, on her first date with Alec Baldwin,
#95
⇓
probably said "por favor" to a waiter to seem exotic,
#96
⇓
and has been cosplaying as a Latina ever since.
#97
⇓
Mmm, I like you.
#98
⇓
What's your name? Unless you don't wanna say
#99
⇓
'cause it's boring and ordinary.
#100
⇓
Desmond Voyage.
#101
⇓
[all] Ooooh!
#102
⇓
Desmond, would you join me, Jeffrey, and Dennis for dinner tonight?
#103
⇓
Well, that depends on the menu, because I'm gluten-free.
#104
⇓
Not medically. Just for the drama.
#105
⇓
[all] Ooooh!
#106
⇓
[♪ tribal music playing]
#107
⇓
C'mon, Chris. The drinking age in Bermuda is only 18,
#108
⇓
so I wanna buy some rum to pound
#109
⇓
so I can get totally blitzed!
#110
⇓
It honestly makes me sad
#111
⇓
you feel the need to show off to your own brother.
#112
⇓
Oh, my God. I must have this!
#113
⇓
What? Some lame touristy T-shirt?
#114
⇓
Meg, according to high-school law,
#115
⇓
vacation shirts equal status.
#116
⇓
And Neil Goldman has been rubbing Señor Frog's Cancun
#117
⇓
in my face for far too long.
#118
⇓
Fine, we'll get the rum and the T-shirt.
#119
⇓
That'll be $90.
#120
⇓
$90?
#121
⇓
- How much for just the shirt? - $40.
#122
⇓
How much for... nothing?
#123
⇓
That's $5.
#124
⇓
[announcer] Hotels! What are you gonna do, take a cab to a pharmacy?
#125
⇓
[♪ upbeat music playing]
#126
⇓
Oh, my God, I can't wait to see St. David's Lighthouse!
#127
⇓
I know!
#128
⇓
What're we gonna do at a stupid lighthouse?
#129
⇓
Wake me when it's a roadhouse.
#130
⇓
[tires screeching]
#131
⇓
Peter, you're driving!
#132
⇓
- [tires screeching] - Sorry.
#133
⇓
Holy crap! Did you guys see that?
#134
⇓
"World's Best Cheesecake"!
#135
⇓
[tires screeching]
#136
⇓
In Bermuda? Peter, there's no way that's true.
#137
⇓
Yeah, I don't know, Lois. Who am I gonna listen to?
#138
⇓
My wife or a sign on the side of the highway?
#139
⇓
Dammit, Peter, I will not let you ruin another trip for me!
#140
⇓
Come on, Glenn, let's go see that lighthouse!
#141
⇓
Fine. Go.
#142
⇓
Taxi!
#143
⇓
[♪ ominous music playing]
#144
⇓
- Good afternoon, sir. May I interest you-- - Sorry, I'm from the United States,
#145
⇓
so I'm scared to talk to anyone from the island
#146
⇓
who doesn't work at the resort.
#147
⇓
[♪ tribal music playing]
#148
⇓
[telephone ringing]
#149
⇓
Front desk, this is Brian.
#150
⇓
Yes, I'd like to request a wake-up call for tomorrow
#151
⇓
even though every human on Earth
#152
⇓
now has an alarm clock in their pocket.
#153
⇓
Oh, hey, Stewie. Sorry again about the mix-up with your room,
#154
⇓
but I hope you're enjoying the apology fruit platter I sent up.
#155
⇓
Meh, it's mostly honeydew.
#156
⇓
And not a berry to be found on the whole plate.
#157
⇓
What do you mean? There's strawberries.
#158
⇓
Mmm, not technically a berry.
#159
⇓
It's actually an aggregate accessory fruit.
#160
⇓
It's got the word "berry" in the name!
#161
⇓
Doesn't make it a berry. It's also got the word "straw,"
#162
⇓
but I'm not sipping my drink through it.
#163
⇓
So now I'm sitting here, staring at a bay
#164
⇓
with a plate of aggregate accessory fruit
#165
⇓
and wondering how you plan to make this up to me!
#166
⇓
Oh, hey, Peter. How's the trip going?
#167
⇓
Awesome, Brian. Not only did I manage to find the world's best cheesecake,
#168
⇓
I even brought back an extra piece.
#169
⇓
Hey, I saw Lois and Quagmire
#170
⇓
have been posting a ton of stuff on Instagram.
#171
⇓
Seems like they had quite a day.
#172
⇓
Does this bother you at all?
#173
⇓
No way. I'm doing vacation exactly right.
#174
⇓
Some idiot's takin' my wife to all the boring places I don't wanna go.
#175
⇓
Meanwhile, I'm at the hotel just eatin' cheesecake and ordering more towels.
#176
⇓
Hey, can I get more towels to room 412?
#177
⇓
- [♪ tribal music playing] - [waves crashing]
#178
⇓
Hmm, I think I'll get the salmon.
#179
⇓
The salmon, huh?
#180
⇓
I think that's a great idea!
#181
⇓
[laughs] Oh, my God, what is that?
#182
⇓
It's a Christmas ornament I got at the lighthouse gift shop.
#183
⇓
Ooh, I just love small things
#184
⇓
that remind me of big things I've seen!
#185
⇓
[slurping] Settle down.
#186
⇓
Another Oreo cookie milkshake with vodka in it!
#187
⇓
You know, I'm feeling a little hot in these pants.
#188
⇓
I may just go upstairs real quick
#189
⇓
to change into a sarong.
#190
⇓
Huh. I feel like I'd also like to slip into my sarong.
#191
⇓
Sarong run?
#192
⇓
You okay with them spending so much time together?
#193
⇓
Yeah, no one in the history of the world
#194
⇓
has ever gone on a sarong run.
#195
⇓
Relax, it's fine.
#196
⇓
And no amount of ominous waves crashing onto a rocky shore
#197
⇓
are gonna change my mind.
#198
⇓
- [♪ ominous music playing] - [waves crashing]
#199
⇓
Now, Rupert, we mustn't let our new friends
#200
⇓
see that we are anything but adults,
#201
⇓
just like they are.
#202
⇓
So, Desmond, what did you do today?
#203
⇓
Oh, I spent most of the day in the business center,
#204
⇓
- as adults do. - Really?
#205
⇓
Yes, they're running an Epson ET-5180 in there.
#206
⇓
Not my preferred choice, but, you know...
#207
⇓
thing jammed and I didn't even cry. No tantrum.
#208
⇓
Just kept on doing my business.
#209
⇓
You guys, let's totally do credit card roulette
#210
⇓
to see who pays for dinner.
#211
⇓
- Right? Yeah. - I love it.
#212
⇓
Oh, indeed, he-- here's-- here's mine.
#213
⇓
This is a Peppa Pig bookmark.
#214
⇓
No! No, they let you customize the credit card.
#215
⇓
I almost went with the Montreal Expos.
#216
⇓
They're not a team anymore.
#217
⇓
Yeah, I'm a big nostalgia guy.
#218
⇓
Ah, there you are, Stew--
#219
⇓
I mean, um... Mr. Voyage.
#220
⇓
With apologies for the earlier fruit plate,
#221
⇓
please accept this complimentary seafood tower.
#222
⇓
Great. Now, could you bring us another one
#223
⇓
that you haven't talked all over?
#224
⇓
And I'd say this is less a seafood tower
#225
⇓
than it is a seafood duplex.
#226
⇓
[laughing]
#227
⇓
Perhaps you'd prefer a complimentary bottle of our finest Riesling?
#228
⇓
- Oh, that's sweet. - It's the least we could do.
#229
⇓
No, I'm talking about the Riesling.
#230
⇓
I didn't realize this was a bachelorette party in Nashville.
#231
⇓
Just bring back another seafood tower
#232
⇓
and the score of the Expos game.
#233
⇓
That was amazing.
#234
⇓
Desmond, you absolutely have to join us on our yacht tomorrow.
#235
⇓
"Yacht"? I say, that sounds lovely!
#236
⇓
Yay! We's gonna sail to and then hike up
#237
⇓
a volcano called The Purple Head.
#238
⇓
That's right. We's gonna start at the base
#239
⇓
and then work our way to the tip.
#240
⇓
You've got to be careful, though,
#241
⇓
because The Purple Head's been known to erupt
#242
⇓
when you least expect it.
#243
⇓
I even heard it's created the world's biggest ash-hole.
#244
⇓
I'm gonna join this table.
#245
⇓
Peter, it seems like it's been a while
#246
⇓
since Quagmire and Lois went upstairs.
#247
⇓
Yeah, fine, I'll go check on 'em.
#248
⇓
- [♪ ominous music playing] - [waves crashing]
#249
⇓
[gasps] Oh, my God!
#250
⇓
And I gotta clean it all up!
#251
⇓
Yes, this is room 412.
#252
⇓
Can I have some more towels, please?
#253
⇓
[♪ tribal music playing]
#254
⇓
Meg, look! It's that shirt!
#255
⇓
Oh, God, I want it so bad!
#256
⇓
Y'know, there is one way for me to get that rum
#257
⇓
and for you to get that T-shirt.
#258
⇓
We could always shoplift 'em.
#259
⇓
Shoplift? Who do I look like,
#260
⇓
celebrity film critic Rex Reed?
#261
⇓
Convicted killer Robert Durst?
#262
⇓
Journeyman quarterback Jameis Winston?
#263
⇓
Okay, I'm not exactly sure what this is, but...
#264
⇓
yeah.
#265
⇓
[♪ tribal music playing]
#266
⇓
- Hm, okay, I'm not sure how we-- - Relax, I got this.
#267
⇓
Go into a changing room, put the rum in your backpack.
#268
⇓
Meanwhile, I'll go in another changing room,
#269
⇓
put the shirt on, then casually walk out like I came in wearing it.
#270
⇓
Okay. Got it.
#271
⇓
What are you doing?
#272
⇓
- Run! Run! I messed up! - [screams]
#273
⇓
Desmond! You made it!
#274
⇓
Yes, I'm sorry I'm late!
#275
⇓
I was in the business center helping Mr. Takahashi
#276
⇓
log into his United account.
#277
⇓
Do you know he's 75?
#278
⇓
I have no idea who you're talking about.
#279
⇓
All right, now could someone please help me onto the boat like a woman?
#280
⇓
Yes, there you are, just guide me by my wrist and elbow.
#281
⇓
So, heading up the volcano again?
#282
⇓
Yep. And just like every year, when we reach the top,
#283
⇓
we're all going to make a sacrifice.
#284
⇓
[gasps] "Sacrifice"?
#285
⇓
Well, no wonder they've been so nice to me, Rupert.
#286
⇓
They're going to make a sacrifice to the volcano.
#287
⇓
And I'm the only virgin on this boat!
#288
⇓
No, no, no, I don't care if you've found Jesus.
#289
⇓
What happened before still counts.
#290
⇓
[♪ tribal music playing]
#291
⇓
Caught shoplifting booze and a T-shirt?
#292
⇓
What were you guys thinking?
#293
⇓
I'm sorry, Brian.
#294
⇓
I was just trying to keep up with Neil Goldman.
#295
⇓
Oh, yeah, that Señor Frog's Cancun shirt?
#296
⇓
Oh, yeah, no, that thing's badass.
#297
⇓
But, Meg, it says here you not only stole rum,
#298
⇓
but also two tiny novelty license plates that say "Mel" and "Greg"?
#299
⇓
I was gonna cut 'em in half and solder 'em together to spell "Meg."
#300
⇓
There's no way people are still naming their kids "Mel."
#301
⇓
Like, name one "Mel" under 50.
#302
⇓
I think we're getting off track.
#303
⇓
I'm just saying, you can stop printing the "Mel"s.
#304
⇓
- We don't print them. - Okay,
#305
⇓
then you can stop ordering the "Mel"s.
#306
⇓
[♪ melancholy music playing]
#307
⇓
Hey, Lois... open wide.
#308
⇓
Glenn, I want you to take my cherry.
#309
⇓
Yeah, I'll take your cherry.
#310
⇓
You want my crust?
#311
⇓
Eww... no.
#312
⇓
No, I mean, I like crust,
#313
⇓
but don't-- ugh, don't say it like that.
#314
⇓
[crying]
#315
⇓
- [♪ tribal music playing] - [waves crashing]
#316
⇓
[telephone ringing]
#317
⇓
This is Brian.
#318
⇓
[executive] Brian, this is a resort executive
#319
⇓
in a heavily-embroidered open-collar shirt.
#320
⇓
We've gotten several complaints from a very important guest,
#321
⇓
Desmond Voyage,
#322
⇓
including the fact that, "The in-room movie selections
#323
⇓
don't include Michael Clayton,
#324
⇓
despite there clearly being a still image of it on the home screen."
#325
⇓
Frickin' Stewie...
#326
⇓
He says, for him, "Falling asleep to George Clooney
#327
⇓
shouting about toxic agrochemicals
#328
⇓
scratches a very specific itch."
#329
⇓
Yep, I'll handle it. Thanks.
#330
⇓
[sighs]
#331
⇓
[♪ suspenseful music playing]
#332
⇓
Ah, I've missed you, Captain.
#333
⇓
And I've missed you, Brett.
#334
⇓
It's-- it's Brian.
#335
⇓
Oh, sorry, I-- I guess I'm always super-wasted when we hang out.
#336
⇓
[♪ mysterious tribal music playing]
#337
⇓
Hey, so, this seems far enough, right?
#338
⇓
Like, I bet if we turn around now,
#339
⇓
we can still get back in time to make fun of the cabana waitress
#340
⇓
with the lopsided boob job, heh?
#341
⇓
Dammit, Rupert, we're running out of time--
#342
⇓
[gasps] I've got a signal! I've got to call Brian!
#343
⇓
[phone ringing]
#344
⇓
- Hello. - Brian, help!
#345
⇓
I'm hiking to the top of a volcano
#346
⇓
where I'm going to be thrown to my death as a sacrifice!
#347
⇓
Screw you, Stewie.
#348
⇓
You've turned my job into a total nightmare.
#349
⇓
Hey, you-- you think a novel set inside a mushroom would be a good idea?
#350
⇓
Except-- except you wouldn't know it's a mushroom
#351
⇓
until the very last page.
#352
⇓
I'd call it...
#353
⇓
"Mushroom Surprise."
#354
⇓
Well, that kind of gives it away.
#355
⇓
No, no, 'cause in the story,
#356
⇓
that-- that's the guy's favorite soup,
#357
⇓
so, like, that's what you'd think it means.
#358
⇓
Honestly, I don't get the whole soup angle.
#359
⇓
It seems needlessly confusing.
#360
⇓
You don't know!
#361
⇓
You always think you're better than me.
#362
⇓
Well, you're not.
#363
⇓
In fact, I've met a ton of celebrities at this job.
#364
⇓
- Name one. - Um... Brad?
#365
⇓
Brad somebody? He was in, um...
#366
⇓
Go to hell, Stewie! I'm not helping you!
#367
⇓
Brian, please! Don't hang up!
#368
⇓
Oh, Rupert, I'm so scared!
#369
⇓
- This may finally be the end for me-- - [phone ringing]
#370
⇓
- [beep] - Hello? Brian?
#371
⇓
I remembered which Brad it was.
#372
⇓
It was Toby Huss.
#373
⇓
[♪ ominous music playing]
#374
⇓
- [♪ tribal music playing] - [waves crashing]
#375
⇓
So... is there somethin' you wanna tell me?
#376
⇓
Oh, nothing, just swam with a dolphin this morning, no biggie.
#377
⇓
- Not you! - It actually was me. Check Facebook.
#378
⇓
Peter, uh, Lois and I don't know what you're talking about.
#379
⇓
I know you've been eatin' cheesecake with my wife behind my back!
#380
⇓
You left a used napkin in the couch!
#381
⇓
Okay fine, Peter, it just-- it looked too good!
#382
⇓
Quagmire and I each had one bite, but that's it!
#383
⇓
[Quagmire] It's true! After that, we both felt so guilty,
#384
⇓
we threw the rest of it off the balcony and into the ocean.
#385
⇓
Wow, this is, like, the world's best cheesecake!
#386
⇓
Yeah. I saw the sign.
#387
⇓
I'm sorry we lied to you, Peter.
#388
⇓
But, look, I think there's a part of me that was angry
#389
⇓
you seemed to care more about a dumb piece of cheesecake
#390
⇓
than being on a romantic vacation with your wife.
#391
⇓
[sighs] It's my fault, too, Lois.
#392
⇓
I'm sorry I've been kinda neglecting you this trip.
#393
⇓
Hey, I know.
#394
⇓
How 'bout we flush the whole afternoon down the tubes
#395
⇓
by wandering through a buncha boring overpriced boutiques?
#396
⇓
Oh, that's all any woman wants!
#397
⇓
I love you, Peter.
#398
⇓
[♪ eerie music playing]
#399
⇓
Okay, Desmond, the moment has arrived.
#400
⇓
Time to step up to the lip of the volcano.
#401
⇓
Time to step up to the lip of the volcano.
#401
⇓
This is it, Rupert.
#402
⇓
This is it, Rupert.
#402
⇓
If Lizzo ever writes back,
#403
⇓
If Lizzo ever writes back,
#403
⇓
I want you to have the letter!
#404
⇓
I want you to have the letter!
#404
⇓
Put it in a frame I would like.
#405
⇓
Put it in a frame I would like.
#405
⇓
Talk to Curt at Aaron Brothers. He's fantastic!
#406
⇓
Talk to Curt at Aaron Brothers. He's fantastic!
#406
⇓
[♪ ominous music playing]
#407
⇓
[♪ ominous music playing]
#407
⇓
[camera shutter clicks]
#408
⇓
[camera shutter clicks]
#408
⇓
- Yay! We did it! - Did what?
#409
⇓
- Yay! We did it! - Did what?
#409
⇓
I-- I thought Dennis said you were all going to make a sacrifice.
#410
⇓
I-- I thought Dennis said you were all going to make a sacrifice.
#410
⇓
That's right.
#411
⇓
That's right.
#411
⇓
The sacrifice is that we's postin' a pic
#412
⇓
The sacrifice is that we's postin' a pic
#412
⇓
with no filter and no Photoshop.
#413
⇓
with no filter and no Photoshop.
#413
⇓
- And... posted! - [phone chimes]
#414
⇓
- And... posted! - [phone chimes]
#414
⇓
- [phone chimes] - Ooh,
#415
⇓
- [phone chimes] - Ooh,
#415
⇓
first comment!
#416
⇓
first comment!
#416
⇓
"So brave to post such a terrible photo of yourselves."
#417
⇓
"So brave to post such a terrible photo of yourselves."
#417
⇓
Aaa! Aaa! Delete! Delete! Delete!
#418
⇓
Aaa! Aaa! Delete! Delete! Delete!
#418
⇓
- [♪ tribal music playing] - [waves crashing]
#419
⇓
- [♪ tribal music playing] - [waves crashing]
#419
⇓
Fine, Stewie,
#420
⇓
Fine, Stewie,
#420
⇓
maybe we don't have Michael Clayton.
#421
⇓
maybe we don't have Michael Clayton.
#421
⇓
But we got that Matt Damon fracking movie.
#422
⇓
But we got that Matt Damon fracking movie.
#422
⇓
Basically the same thing.
#423
⇓
Basically the same thing.
#423
⇓
What's that-- what's it called? I wanna--
#424
⇓
What's that-- what's it called? I wanna--
#424
⇓
I wanna say Frack Damon.
#425
⇓
I wanna say Frack Damon.
#425
⇓
And-- and, oh, not enough berries on your plate?
#426
⇓
And-- and, oh, not enough berries on your plate?
#426
⇓
I-- I got some berries for you,
#427
⇓
I-- I got some berries for you,
#427
⇓
of the dingle variety...
#428
⇓
of the dingle variety...
#428
⇓
[♪ exhilarating instrumental music playing]
#429
⇓
[♪ exhilarating instrumental music playing]
#429
⇓
Housekeeping.
#430
⇓
Housekeeping.
#430
⇓
No, no, no.
#431
⇓
No, no, no.
#431
⇓
[♪ tribal music playing]
#432
⇓
[♪ tribal music playing]
#432
⇓
You know, posting that photo wasn't the only sacrifice we made today.
#433
⇓
You know, posting that photo wasn't the only sacrifice we made today.
#433
⇓
- Really? - Yep.
#434
⇓
- Really? - Yep.
#434
⇓
You won't find a single carb on this boat.
#435
⇓
You won't find a single carb on this boat.
#435
⇓
Um... flatbread is a carb.
#436
⇓
Um... flatbread is a carb.
#436
⇓
Oh, my God, he's right!
#437
⇓
Oh, my God, he's right!
#437
⇓
Why did we think that? Just 'cause it's flat?
#438
⇓
Why did we think that? Just 'cause it's flat?
#438
⇓
I musta had two boxes!
#439
⇓
I musta had two boxes!
#439
⇓
[gasps] My hat that no one likes!
#440
⇓
[gasps] My hat that no one likes!
#440
⇓
[screams]
#441
⇓
[screams]
#441
⇓
Oh, no!
#442
⇓
Oh, no!
#442
⇓
I know!
#443
⇓
I know!
#443
⇓
[♪ melancholy music playing]
#444
⇓
[♪ melancholy music playing]
#444
⇓
So sad.
#445
⇓
So sad.
#445
⇓
The lifeguard said the sharks were lured to the resort
#446
⇓
The lifeguard said the sharks were lured to the resort
#446
⇓
because someone threw cheesecake in the water.
#447
⇓
because someone threw cheesecake in the water.
#447
⇓
Oh, um, is that right?
#448
⇓
Oh, um, is that right?
#448
⇓
I don't know if I's ever gonna recover.
#449
⇓
I don't know if I's ever gonna recover.
#449
⇓
I could come back with you.
#450
⇓
I could come back with you.
#450
⇓
Oh, let the healing begin!
#451
⇓
Oh, let the healing begin!
#451
⇓
Oh, hey. Where have you been?
#452
⇓
Oh, hey. Where have you been?
#452
⇓
At the duty-free shop,
#453
⇓
At the duty-free shop,
#453
⇓
buying six cartons of cigarettes,
#454
⇓
buying six cartons of cigarettes,
#454
⇓
a jug of Dior perfume, and a tin of wafer cookies.
#455
⇓
a jug of Dior perfume, and a tin of wafer cookies.
#455
⇓
Oh. Did you get a good deal?
#456
⇓
Oh. Did you get a good deal?
#456
⇓
I have no idea.
#457
⇓
I have no idea.
#457
⇓
And what about you? You're coming home with us?
#458
⇓
And what about you? You're coming home with us?
#458
⇓
Yeah. I actually got fired
#459
⇓
Yeah. I actually got fired
#459
⇓
for dragging my ass on every inch of a guest's hotel room.
#460
⇓
for dragging my ass on every inch of a guest's hotel room.
#460
⇓
[laughs] Aw, epic! Even their pillow?
#461
⇓
[laughs] Aw, epic! Even their pillow?
#461
⇓
- Yep. - Nice!
#462
⇓
- Yep. - Nice!
#462
⇓
Maybe next year we'll go to the White Lotus in Thailand.
#463
⇓
Maybe next year we'll go to the White Lotus in Thailand.
#463
⇓
Eh, I hear it's not as good.
#464
⇓
Eh, I hear it's not as good.
#464
⇓
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