Home » Family Guy » S23E11 — China Doll

Family Guy

Season 23, Episode 11 — China Doll

[♪ theme music playing]

#1

⇓

♪ It seems today that all you see Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪

#2

⇓

♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪

#3

⇓

[all] ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪

#4

⇓

♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪

#5

⇓

♪ Lucky there's a man who Positively can do ♪

#6

⇓

♪ All the things that make us ♪

#7

⇓

♪ Laugh and cry ♪

#8

⇓

[all] ♪ He's a family guy! ♪

#9

⇓

[announcer on TV] We now return to what we think Yellowstone is,

#10

⇓

but we've never actually watched it, so we're not totally sure.

#11

⇓

God, I love bein' in the Old West,

#12

⇓

or maybe present day, it's unclear on the Paramount billboards.

#13

⇓

Hey, other cowboys,

#14

⇓

did you get the cows put away here in the great state of...

#15

⇓

Wyoming?

#16

⇓

Montana maybe?

#17

⇓

We sure did, Yellowstone Boss Cowboy.

#18

⇓

And I'm Kevin Costner.

#19

⇓

Okay. That much I know.

#20

⇓

- He quit. - Then I know nothin'.

#21

⇓

Apparently the original title for that series was

#22

⇓

Get Back Here, Cows.

#23

⇓

[sighing] Maybe just try watching the show?

#24

⇓

It's really quite popular.

#25

⇓

Guys, I've done it.

#26

⇓

The work for which I'll be known for.

#27

⇓

Got an extra "for" in that sentence.

#28

⇓

Come take a look! I'm serious It's the best work I've ever done.

#29

⇓

Is this that thing where you're changing words in Harry Potter

#30

⇓

to dog stuff until it's legally a different book?

#31

⇓

There's plenty of adventures at Dogwarts coming up,

#32

⇓

but this is something else.

#33

⇓

[panting]

#34

⇓

It's a hole.

#35

⇓

Right? I was just... I was in the zone, man.

#36

⇓

It was... It was like I was just channeling the work.

#37

⇓

Like... Like it was just coming through me.

#38

⇓

It's very nice, Brian.

#39

⇓

It's a masterpiece.

#40

⇓

A masterpiece I created with my own hands,

#41

⇓

and no one can take it away from me.

#42

⇓

I took it away from you.

#43

⇓

Dude! What's your problem, man?

#44

⇓

He's in a mood, I don't know,

#45

⇓

I said something mean about a show.

#46

⇓

Anyway, good job, Brian.

#47

⇓

Thank you for sharing this with us...

#48

⇓

[gasps]

#49

⇓

What the hell?

#50

⇓

You buried Rupert!

#51

⇓

[exclaiming] Are you okay? Oh, please be okay!

#52

⇓

You bastard! What do you have to say for yourself?

#53

⇓

No hablo ingles?

#54

⇓

Got to leave lots of space.

#55

⇓

We're just getting started.

#56

⇓

I'll say this, Rupert, you were long overdue for a bath.

#57

⇓

Oh, hush, just because Buzzfeed says Jake Gyllenhaal doesn't bathe,

#58

⇓

that doesn't make it true, even though it one hundred percent is.

#59

⇓

Now what's this?

#60

⇓

"Made In China"?

#61

⇓

Rupert, you're... You're Chinese?

#62

⇓

I had no idea!

#63

⇓

My word, all these years,

#64

⇓

I have been in a multicultural relationship!

#65

⇓

Well, sometimes life takes you down a different road,

#66

⇓

just ask Robert Frost.

#67

⇓

[Robert Frost] Two roads diverged in a wood, and I...

#68

⇓

I took the one less traveled by...

#69

⇓

Alright, I saw the back of what I think is my son's English teacher

#70

⇓

pushing a grocery cart full of his possessions,

#71

⇓

and I just can't have that interaction right now.

#72

⇓

Mr. Frost?

#73

⇓

Oh, hey!

#74

⇓

Mr. Thompson, uh...

#75

⇓

What've you been up to?

#76

⇓

Nothin' much,

#77

⇓

just waiting for the district to finish its "administrative review".

#78

⇓

Not really something I can talk about.

#79

⇓

Well, I'm gonna go ahead and take the road more traveled by.

#80

⇓

Could really use somebody to write a letter on my behalf!

#81

⇓

[Frost] I'm not really a writer.

#82

⇓

Good morning, Brian. Or rather...

#83

⇓

Ni hao

#84

⇓

Why are you dressed like that?

#85

⇓

Oh, my god, that is such a "Year of the Monkey" thing to ask.

#86

⇓

Right, Rupert? Textbook "Year of the Monkey," this guy.

#87

⇓

Right? You're nine years old, right?

#88

⇓

- Yeah. - Right, so...

#89

⇓

2024, 2023...

#90

⇓

Right, yup, Monkey. Monkey.

#91

⇓

I can always tell because I'm "Year of the Pig"

#92

⇓

Does all this have something to do with you finding out

#93

⇓

that Rupert was made in China?

#94

⇓

Well, not that it should need a reason, but yes, Brian,

#95

⇓

I want Rupert to feel his culture is welcome and embraced here.

#96

⇓

So you've decided to talk and dress like an idiot?

#97

⇓

Idiot, eh? Well, let's hear you say that

#98

⇓

after I have a very lazy Steven Seagal-type martial arts fight

#99

⇓

against Russian shills.

#100

⇓

[both grunting]

#101

⇓

He is invincible!

#102

⇓

Even better than Steven Seagal,

#103

⇓

who unzipped his leather pants in front of Portia di Rossi at an audition!

#104

⇓

Hey, just because you read that in Buzzfeed article

#105

⇓

does not make it true,

#106

⇓

even though it one hundred percent is!

#107

⇓

Rupert, I want you to feel that your heritage is respected here,

#108

⇓

so I've made a few tweaks to our favorite classic television show.

#109

⇓

[announcer] We now return to ER.

#110

⇓

[Stewie] Edited for Eastern medicine.

#111

⇓

- I need 10 cc's of-- - [Stewie] Ginseng root.

#112

⇓

And somebody set this patient up with--

#113

⇓

[Stewie] Goldfish to nibble his toes.

#114

⇓

[EKG beeping]

#115

⇓

We're gonna lose him if we can't get our hands on some--

#116

⇓

[Stewie] Baby elephant bones.

#117

⇓

[EKG beeping rapidly, flatlining]

#118

⇓

- He's coding! - There's just one chance!

#119

⇓

- We need-- - [Chris] The lady doctors to kiss!

#120

⇓

I made some tweaks as well.

#121

⇓

Well, I think I have gone above and beyond in embracing Rupert's culture.

#122

⇓

Rupert, you...

#123

⇓

You're looking out to the east.

#124

⇓

You're still thinking about your roots.

#125

⇓

I know, Rupert.

#126

⇓

You want to see your homeland again.

#127

⇓

You want to find your parents.

#128

⇓

You want to casually moped through an asteroid field of traffic.

#129

⇓

All right, Rupert, you win.

#130

⇓

Tomorrow, I will take you to China.

#131

⇓

Didn't you set Rupert up at that window?

#132

⇓

Which is facing north, by the way.

#133

⇓

Shut up, Brian, we're going to China.

#134

⇓

[gong clangs]

#135

⇓

Yeah, sound guy? Yeah, let's, um...

#136

⇓

Let's pace ourselves on that stuff, okay?

#137

⇓

Wait a minute, you're taking Rupert to China so he can meet his family?

#138

⇓

That's right, Brian.

#139

⇓

Rupert wants to find his mom and dad,

#140

⇓

and he wants to eat one tiny part of a shark and throw the rest in the garbage.

#141

⇓

And I'm going to make that happen for him.

#142

⇓

- You can't go to China, Stewie. - Why not?

#143

⇓

Because you're an infant. There's no way Peter and Lois will let you.

#144

⇓

Pfft. They'll never even notice I'm gone.

#145

⇓

They're at VR Burning Man.

#146

⇓

[laughing]

#147

⇓

Yeah, my wife is here, but she said I could glitter paint anyone I want.

#148

⇓

Why, yes, I will trade my wife for some toilet paper,

#149

⇓

Man with Top Hat and Goggles.

#150

⇓

Okay, Stewie, there's also the fact that Rupert is... Um...

#151

⇓

- What? - He...

#152

⇓

Look, Rupert doesn't have a family, in China or anywhere.

#153

⇓

Rupert's just a toy.

#154

⇓

What did you say?

#155

⇓

Rupert is a toy.

#156

⇓

Let me hear you say that one more time.

#157

⇓

It was then that I realized, I can't hear.

#158

⇓

I can't hear, Dr. Scott!

#159

⇓

And if that's true, how do I know I'm even being heard?

#160

⇓

How do I know if I even exist at all?

#161

⇓

Yeah... Yeah, totally...

#162

⇓

Yeah, would... Would you mind not folding your laundry during our session?

#163

⇓

Hey man, this is therapy that advertises on podcasts.

#164

⇓

It costs, like, eighteen bucks. You get what you get.

#165

⇓

[phone beeps]

#166

⇓

[announcer] At PhoneMD,

#167

⇓

we believe therapy doesn't have to be expensive,

#168

⇓

or even effective.

#169

⇓

It just has to be reportable to your spouse.

#170

⇓

PhoneMD.

#171

⇓

Get therapy on the thing that led to the affair!

#172

⇓

Look, Brian, I'm taking Rupert to China, and it's none of your business.

#173

⇓

You're not invited anyway.

#174

⇓

What would you even do in China?

#175

⇓

See if Olivia Munn left a sister back in the homeland?

#176

⇓

[♪ sitar music playing]

#177

⇓

- Are you-- - Yes, John Mulaney's brother, Don,

#178

⇓

and I'm looking for the same thing you are.

#179

⇓

[flight attendant] Ladies and gentlemen, as we begin our descent into Beijing,

#180

⇓

we ask that you power down your devices.

#181

⇓

Blast, I need to hurry up and finish this episode of Yellowstone,

#182

⇓

which we still haven't ever actually watched.

#183

⇓

[♪ dramatic music playing]

#184

⇓

You can't take our land!

#185

⇓

We built all this nothin' from nothin'!

#186

⇓

I'm sorry, but I got a paper here signed by the governor of this Dakota.

#187

⇓

Cowboy husband? Is everything okay?

#188

⇓

Get back inside, women-who-are-way- hotter-than-real-women-from-this-place.

#189

⇓

[chattering indistinctly]

#190

⇓

Here we are! We made it!

#191

⇓

Hey, check this out.

#192

⇓

Everyone, the Olympics are coming!

#193

⇓

Right! Oh, freakin' China, man!

#194

⇓

I mean, 800 workers just died, but still...

#195

⇓

tip your cap, you know?

#196

⇓

[♪ sitar music playing]

#197

⇓

Hey. Thanks for making our stuff. Thank you.

#198

⇓

Our country stopped making stuff, so thank you for making the stuff,

#199

⇓

'cause we still need stuff.

#200

⇓

I say, back in the old stomping ground, eh, friend?

#201

⇓

Why, you must feel like Jesus did when he returned from the dead.

#202

⇓

Hey, hey, look who's back!

#203

⇓

Miss me?

#204

⇓

Jesus! Hey, hey! This is great.

#205

⇓

This is great.

#206

⇓

So, listen, um, I hired you to build me a table

#207

⇓

back before all the stuff went down, right?

#208

⇓

And, uh, well, look...

#209

⇓

Hmm.

#210

⇓

Do you have a receipt?

#211

⇓

Um, no. I mean,

#212

⇓

well, you died, so I figured there was no point in hanging onto it.

#213

⇓

Yeah, you kinda wanna always keep the receipt.

#214

⇓

Look! There!

#215

⇓

It's Rupert's brothers and sisters!

#216

⇓

And there's his mother and father!

#217

⇓

Yeah, are you sure those aren't just random workers

#218

⇓

who happen to be on duty today?

#219

⇓

No, they're his mom and dad, I'm certain!

#220

⇓

Look, she has Rupert's same non-smile!

#221

⇓

And he has Rupert's glassy, dead eyes!

#222

⇓

All right Brian, remember,

#223

⇓

it's vital that I make a good impression on these people, so, to review?

#224

⇓

[sighing] You're a wealthy American businessman.

#225

⇓

And also?

#226

⇓

The lead singer of Coldplay.

#227

⇓

Perfect. Now I want you to film all of this,

#228

⇓

because after we meet them,

#229

⇓

I'm going to ask their blessing to marry Rupert.

#230

⇓

W... What?

#231

⇓

You guys?

#232

⇓

There's someone here who'd like to say hello.

#233

⇓

Okay.

#234

⇓

Yes! It's your son, Rupert!

#235

⇓

If they start weeping, obviously zoom way in on that.

#236

⇓

Oh. Look at you, you're clearly in shock!

#237

⇓

And now, like every host of a cooking travel show,

#238

⇓

I'm going to disregard cultural norms and touch your body without your consent.

#239

⇓

Ignoring your discomfort...

#240

⇓

Ignoring your discomfort...

#241

⇓

Feel free to cry, makes for better video.

#242

⇓

Okay.

#243

⇓

We have so much to talk about.

#244

⇓

But I just want you to know, we don't hold it against you,

#245

⇓

you giving up Rupert, even though it did mess him up sexually.

#246

⇓

Okay.

#247

⇓

I mean, I'm sure you guys had lots of stuff going on.

#248

⇓

I mean, obviously, the career...

#249

⇓

Can't expect you to walk away from all this.

#250

⇓

So, I'm Rupert's special friend, Stewie Griffin-Dockers III.

#251

⇓

Yes, of the pants Dockers. Let's not make a big deal out of it.

#252

⇓

- Okay. - But I really love what you have here.

#253

⇓

That's such a cute hole they give you for a toilet.

#254

⇓

Brian, tell them about my toilet.

#255

⇓

- He's wearing it. - I'm wearing my toilet.

#256

⇓

So...

#257

⇓

Am I still supposed to be recording this?

#258

⇓

So, listen, we, um...

#259

⇓

We didn't really come all the way to China just to say hello.

#260

⇓

As I said, Rupert and I are, um, very special friends...

#261

⇓

truthfully more than friends, and, um...

#262

⇓

You know, when a baby gets to be a certain age,

#263

⇓

he starts thinking about his future,

#264

⇓

and, um, who he wants to share that future with, and, um...

#265

⇓

- [Brian] Still rolling. - I know!

#266

⇓

It's just, if this video goes too long, I won't be able to text it to you.

#267

⇓

You can fricking AirDrop it!

#268

⇓

Also someone's using the toilet hole in the background of your shot.

#269

⇓

Okay, you know what, let's not do this here.

#270

⇓

We clearly have a ton to talk about, so perhaps dinner is in order?

#271

⇓

- Maybe we drop by around 6:00? - Okay.

#272

⇓

Great! But you have to promise me,

#273

⇓

no special treatment just because I'm a casual-slacks billionaire.

#274

⇓

[inaudible]

#275

⇓

Who are those Americans poking around our industrial facility and filming?

#276

⇓

Are they spies?

#277

⇓

I don't know.

#278

⇓

I'm not seeing any matches on the facial recognition software.

#279

⇓

Ah! Or on Tinder.

#280

⇓

Yeah, what do you expect?

#281

⇓

We're a country of a billion guys and eight girls.

#282

⇓

[announcer] China! Whoops! Maybe we threw away too many girls.

#283

⇓

Count it!

#284

⇓

[knocking on door]

#285

⇓

Hello, hello, hello!

#286

⇓

[sniffing] Mmm, something smells delicious

#287

⇓

and with the eyeballs still on it! I brought wine.

#288

⇓

Wow, that's a very expensive bottle, lead singer from Coldplay,

#289

⇓

which I forgot to mention earlier.

#290

⇓

Bah, no, it's nothing.

#291

⇓

Now, before we do anything else, I just have to know,

#292

⇓

which one of you two hogs the blankets?

#293

⇓

Who does Rupert get that from?

#294

⇓

Uh, look at Pop-Pop's face! Busted!

#295

⇓

I think we found our blanket hog!

#296

⇓

Okay.

#297

⇓

Well, we're here, because, um, I...

#298

⇓

I have something important to ask you.

#299

⇓

Okay.

#300

⇓

So... Rupert and I, um...

#301

⇓

[chuckles nervously] Could... Could I maybe have some tea first?

#302

⇓

Tea?

#303

⇓

Oh, I'm such a klutz.

#304

⇓

Someone hands me a china cup, I look away, right?

#305

⇓

Down with china. You know?

#306

⇓

Down with china!

#307

⇓

At this point, I am basically an enemy of china, right?

#308

⇓

Anyway, I'm here, um, to ask you a question.

#309

⇓

It's a very... Very important...

#310

⇓

Actually, you know what? Two questions.

#311

⇓

You remember that old Calgon commercial? "Ancient Chinese secret", right?

#312

⇓

What exactly is the ancient Chinese secret?

#313

⇓

- [computer beeps] - I'll pay you anything,

#314

⇓

if you'll tell me the ancient Chinese secret.

#315

⇓

[beeping]

#316

⇓

Stewie, are you gonna do this or not?

#317

⇓

Yes, yes, Brian, fine.

#318

⇓

So...

#319

⇓

What I really came here to ask you is this...

#320

⇓

Will you please give Rupert and me your blessing to--

#321

⇓

You're under arrest.

#322

⇓

The charge is espionage against China.

#323

⇓

I didn't do espionage!

#324

⇓

And aggravated sodomy against a stuffed animal.

#325

⇓

I didn't do espionage!

#326

⇓

Twenty years in a labor camp for spying on China.

#327

⇓

- What a mess. - "Hire Sidney Powell", he said.

#328

⇓

It's the only place she's still licensed!

#329

⇓

Break's over! Get back to work making solar panels for American liberals!

#330

⇓

Didn't realize all of our solar panels are made by Chinese political prisoners.

#331

⇓

Yes. White liberals have a lot to answer for.

#332

⇓

Well, I'd say conservatives do as well,

#333

⇓

especially in a post-Roe v. Wade world.

#334

⇓

Oh, my gosh, I finally get to see this little guy!

#335

⇓

[gasps] He's adorable, he looks just like your rapist!

#336

⇓

I think he looks like both of us.

#337

⇓

He's a cutie.

#338

⇓

He's gonna be a little lady killer.

#339

⇓

Well, we'll see. I don't wanna put any pressure on him.

#340

⇓

This is outrageous. I'm not a spy, and I'm not doing your prison labor.

#341

⇓

Let me guess. Year of the Monkey?

#342

⇓

Yup. Bingo.

#343

⇓

Okay, Monkey. If you won't do this labor,

#344

⇓

we will give you and your friend hard labor.

#345

⇓

The hard labor is watching the movie, Tár?

#346

⇓

And answer questions about the film.

#347

⇓

"Why should the viewer care about this protagonist?

#348

⇓

"What are we hoping she accomplishes?"

#349

⇓

"What is the ultimate message of the movie, Tár?"

#350

⇓

"Why is there an accent mark over the 'a' in Tár,

#351

⇓

"despite the fact that it is a one-syllable word,

#352

⇓

"and therefore contains no other syllables to de-accentuate?"

#353

⇓

Oh, no, now it's getting really tough.

#354

⇓

"What does a conductor actually do?"

#355

⇓

"Why couldn't the best musicians in the world,

#356

⇓

who are trained at Juilliard,

#357

⇓

play music without some maniac waving a stick in front of them?"

#358

⇓

"Why are people who hold and wave sticks so tormented?"

#359

⇓

"How do you think Tár chose her stick? Please explain in essay form."

#360

⇓

"How do you think Tár chose her stick? Please explain in essay form."

#360

⇓

Well, at least this is the only movie we have to watch about a conductor.

#361

⇓

Well, at least this is the only movie we have to watch about a conductor.

#361

⇓

And after lunch you'll be watching Maestro.

#362

⇓

And after lunch you'll be watching Maestro.

#362

⇓

You monster!

#363

⇓

[laughs maniacally]

#364

⇓

[laughs maniacally]

#364

⇓

I can't take much more of this, Brian. We have to break out of here.

#365

⇓

I can't take much more of this, Brian. We have to break out of here.

#365

⇓

And I think I have an idea.

#366

⇓

And I think I have an idea.

#366

⇓

I don't know, an escape attempt could be dangerous.

#367

⇓

I don't know, an escape attempt could be dangerous.

#367

⇓

Maybe we just wait for Peter and Lois to come get us out.

#368

⇓

Maybe we just wait for Peter and Lois to come get us out.

#368

⇓

That'll be quite a wait.

#369

⇓

That'll be quite a wait.

#369

⇓

Right now they're at Virtual Dave & Busters.

#370

⇓

Right now they're at Virtual Dave & Busters.

#370

⇓

Ooh, Peter, let's order another plate of warm mozzarella sticks on brown lettuce!

#371

⇓

Sounds good, Lois.

#372

⇓

You do that while I go stare at women's butt cracks

#373

⇓

You do that while I go stare at women's butt cracks

#373

⇓

on the motorcycle games.

#374

⇓

on the motorcycle games.

#374

⇓

Hi, I like how your drink is very blue.

#375

⇓

Hi, I like how your drink is very blue.

#375

⇓

Hey, is it true that Dave shot Buster, then shot himself?

#376

⇓

Hey, is it true that Dave shot Buster, then shot himself?

#376

⇓

All right, Brian, here's the plan.

#377

⇓

All right, Brian, here's the plan.

#377

⇓

Each of these panels is coated with a highly-polarized carbon glass.

#378

⇓

Each of these panels is coated with a highly-polarized carbon glass.

#378

⇓

But if we can reverse the glass, it'd form a concave mirror.

#379

⇓

But if we can reverse the glass, it'd form a concave mirror.

#379

⇓

And indeed, these components are modular.

#380

⇓

And indeed, these components are modular.

#380

⇓

So, if we target the fence with those mirrors reflecting the sun's rays,

#381

⇓

So, if we target the fence with those mirrors reflecting the sun's rays,

#381

⇓

we'll need a total of 1,400 centigrade, give or take.

#382

⇓

we'll need a total of 1,400 centigrade, give or take.

#382

⇓

it should compromise the structural integrity--

#383

⇓

it should compromise the structural integrity--

#383

⇓

[Brian] Come on.

#384

⇓

[panting]

#385

⇓

[panting]

#385

⇓

My plan had science in it, but fine, let's do it the dirty dog way.

#386

⇓

My plan had science in it, but fine, let's do it the dirty dog way.

#386

⇓

[grunts]

#387

⇓

[grunts]

#387

⇓

[guard over PA] Escape in progress! Escape in progress!

#388

⇓

[guard over PA] Escape in progress! Escape in progress!

#388

⇓

[cellphone dings over PA]

#389

⇓

[cellphone dings over PA]

#389

⇓

Es-cape, uh...

#390

⇓

Es-cape, uh...

#390

⇓

[chuckles over PA]

#391

⇓

[chuckles over PA]

#391

⇓

Escape in progress!

#392

⇓

Escape in progress!

#392

⇓

[alarm blaring]

#393

⇓

[alarm blaring]

#393

⇓

[both groan]

#394

⇓

[both groan]

#394

⇓

Where do we go?

#395

⇓

Where do we go?

#395

⇓

Over here! Through the village of Chinese stereotypes!

#396

⇓

Over here! Through the village of Chinese stereotypes!

#396

⇓

There's still some we haven't done?

#397

⇓

There's still some we haven't done?

#397

⇓

That way! Through the obligatory Chinese New Year parade!

#398

⇓

That way! Through the obligatory Chinese New Year parade!

#398

⇓

No, over there!

#399

⇓

No, over there!

#399

⇓

Where that old man with a wispy beard sells mythical creatures!

#400

⇓

Where that old man with a wispy beard sells mythical creatures!

#400

⇓

No time! Let's just hide behind those terracotta soldiers!

#401

⇓

No time! Let's just hide behind those terracotta soldiers!

#401

⇓

Whoops.

#402

⇓

Whoops.

#402

⇓

- Hey! - What the hell, man?

#403

⇓

- Hey! - What the hell, man?

#403

⇓

Should we settle up?

#404

⇓

Should we settle up?

#404

⇓

I'll settle up.

#405

⇓

I'll settle up.

#405

⇓

Oh, boy.

#406

⇓

Oh, boy.

#406

⇓

Yeah, whenever you accidentally domino stuff over,

#407

⇓

there's always a biker gang that's mad about it.

#408

⇓

there's always a biker gang that's mad about it.

#408

⇓

[crowd shouting]

#409

⇓

Quick! Down this alley!

#410

⇓

Quick! Down this alley!

#410

⇓

[all shouting]

#411

⇓

[all shouting]

#411

⇓

[♪ cartoon music playing]

#412

⇓

[♪ cartoon music playing]

#412

⇓

[both shout]

#413

⇓

[gasping] Oh, no!

#414

⇓

There's no way out. We're trapped.

#415

⇓

You've only made things worse.

#416

⇓

You should know by now,

#417

⇓

there's only one way out of a Chinese prison.

#418

⇓

[gulps] Death?

#419

⇓

No. Rat out someone else.

#420

⇓

[gong clangs]

#421

⇓

There he is! Famous pro-Tibet activist, Richard Gere!

#422

⇓

[chuckling] What? I mean... Thank you. I'm flattered, but, what?

#423

⇓

Sorry, Chris. When you download TikTok,

#424

⇓

one of the terms and conditions is that

#425

⇓

the Chinese government can just arrest you whenever.

#426

⇓

[♪ TikTok music playing]

#427

⇓

[woman] Does TikTok app really let China police kidnap you, or?

#428

⇓

Probably not, but maybe, lol?

#429

⇓

We have had quite the Chinese adventure, Stewie.

#430

⇓

And I think I might just have my next screenplay idea.

#431

⇓

He's not gonna write [bleep].

#432

⇓

Well, my friend, we both have crummy in-laws.

#433

⇓

My parents throw you in the dryer. Yours put us in a labor camp.

#434

⇓

But if there's one thing I do know,

#435

⇓

no matter where we're from, or where we are,

#436

⇓

or who does or doesn't give us their blessing,

#437

⇓

my home is where you are.

#438

⇓

And your home is where I am.

#439

⇓

And now I also know where your blanket hog thing comes from.

#440

⇓

I... No, Rupert, I didn't know that "blanket hog" is a Taiwanese slur

#441

⇓

for the mainland Chinese.

#442

⇓

How would I know that?

#443

⇓

But I didn't know that it's racist, so how could...

#444

⇓

I already apologized, by implication.

#445

⇓

[sighs] Fine. I'm sorry you were needlessly offended by my innocent use

#446

⇓

of an obscure regional racism.

#447

⇓

So, that's why I cheated on Rupert with my octopus.

#448

⇓

Yeah, that seems fine. I don't really care.

#449

⇓

Hey, do you have another credit card?

#450

⇓

'Cause the one I have on file isn't working.

#451

⇓

[announcer] PhoneMD.

#452

⇓

Make sure your method of payment is current!

#453

⇓

So, Peter, Lois, did you miss us while we were gone?

#454

⇓

Oh, we didn't even notice.

#455

⇓

We were busy watching Yellowstone

#456

⇓

which is set in present day Montana with periodic flashbacks to the 1990s!

#457

⇓

[announcer] We finally looked it up on Wikipedia.

#458

⇓

Thanks for going to China with me, Brian.

#459

⇓

You bet.

#460

⇓

I just feel bad we had to hand over Chris to get out of there.

#461

⇓

Oh, I'm sure by now they've figured out he's not really Richard Gere.

#462

⇓

So, in Pretty Woman,

#463

⇓

when I snap that necklace box on Julia's fingers and she laughs?

#464

⇓

That was total improv.

#465

⇓

Julia didn't know I was gonna do that.

#466

⇓

Wow.

#467

⇓

So what's Julia Roberts like in real life?

#468

⇓

Is she just super-cool and down-to-earth?

#469

⇓

No, she is not.

#470

⇓

Mr. Gere, what's your middle name?

#471

⇓

Eh, you know, I don't think that middle names are all that important.

#472

⇓

I understand it's Tiffany?

#473

⇓

It is Tiffany.

#474

⇓

[gong clangs]

#475

⇓

That's called "range".

#476

⇓