Home » Family Guy » S24E14 — Let the Goodtimes Walk

Family Guy

Season 24, Episode 14 — Let the Goodtimes Walk

[♪ theme music playing]

#1

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♪ It seems today That all you see ♪

#2

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♪ Is violence in movies And sex on TV ♪

#3

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♪ But where are those Good old-fashioned values ♪

#4

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[all] ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪

#5

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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪

#6

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♪ Lucky there's a man who Positively can do ♪

#7

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♪ All the things That make us ♪

#8

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♪ Laugh and cry ♪

#9

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[all] ♪ He's a family guy! ♪

#10

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[♪ instrumental music playing]

#11

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Okay, now remember, Lois, the school likes to blame

#12

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the kids' bad grades on trouble at home.

#13

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So when we get in the parent teacher conference,

#14

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it can't seem like there's any cracks in our marriage.

#15

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Peter, this isn't a parent teacher conference,

#16

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-it's a fundraiser-- -Here we go again!

#17

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Let me punch your shrew card, Lois.

#18

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Because the tenth nag is free!

#19

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"Welcome to an hour of squeaks and echoes in the gym."

#20

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[echoes] Gym, gym, gym.

#21

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Huh, I guess they're selling all the music department

#22

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instruments to raise money. Typical.

#23

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They always cut the arts programs but never any sports.

#24

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Actually, they canceled field hockey.

#25

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See? They're selling the old uniforms.

#26

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And what vintage is this one?

#27

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A 2022 Junior Varsity, sir.

#28

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Mm. Excellent year.

#29

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Sir, I'm gonna have my team cut it up and turn it into dinner napkins.

#30

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Oh, Giuseppe, you are a wizard.

#31

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Hello! I'm Mr. Campanale, the music teacher.

#32

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Welcome to my "going-out of-business" woodwind sale.

#33

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Everything must blow!

#34

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[wearily] Uh-ha, yes, that's very good.

#35

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Uh, tell me, does your saxophone come with

#36

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the George Michael classic "Careless Whisper" on it?

#37

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With enough practice, this saxophone will play anything you like.

#38

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Sweet! I'll take it.

#39

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Great! How will you be paying today?

#40

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Are you sure you should spend that?

#41

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Oh yeah, there's still plenty in there for Meg to pay for online college.

#42

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[♪ inspiring music playing]

#43

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Have you ever dreamed of learning calculus

#44

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on a crowded rush hour subway...

#45

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Or pushing that thing IVs hang from around the hospital...

#46

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Want to hug an old man at an ethnic family picnic?

#47

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Whatever the dream...

#48

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As long as it's not going to real college...

#49

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Online college is here for you.

#50

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[announcer] Online college!

#51

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If you had another choice, you'd make it.

#52

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-[slurping] -All right, everybody shut up.

#53

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The masked singer

#54

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is about to reveal who the big Gatorade-Bottle-Of-Pee is!

#55

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They're really scraping the bottom of the barrel for new costumes.

#56

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-[announcer] And your masked singer is... -[♪ playing saxophone poorly]

#57

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Wait, who'd they say?

#58

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It's another D-Lister nobody can recognize my face alone.

#59

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Damn it, Peter! Do you know how many hours of Ken Jeong

#60

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and his tiny jackets I tolerated for that moment?

#61

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Sorry. In the future, I'll try not to be so... [whispers] ...careless.

#62

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[♪ continues playing]

#63

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God, he never thinks about others.

#64

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Remember when he totally ruined our family

#65

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Thanksgiving football game?

#66

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Okay, we gotta go all tush-pushes.

#67

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Hot niece I'm not related to by blood, you're the center.

#68

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The rest of you, shove me into her as hard as you can.

#69

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[teary] So, I put the bottle down.

#70

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But even though her family forgave me,

#71

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I'll never forgive myself.

#72

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[♪ playing "Careless Whisper" on saxophone]

#73

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[gasps then continues playing]

#74

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Bravo!

#75

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I knew these AA stories would be the perfect set-up

#76

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for the guilty pain of "Careless Whisper".

#77

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Okay, let's take it from the top

#78

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with the guy who can only have

#79

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supervised Panera visits with his kid.

#80

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[licks]

#81

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[♪ playing "Taps" on trumpet]

#82

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[♪ playing "Careless Whisper"]

#83

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[♪ continues playing "Taps"]

#84

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[♪ continues playing "Careless Whisper"]

#85

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I'm so sorry for your loss.

#86

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Now, this screen is gonna ask you a couple of questions.

#87

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You want a tip?

#88

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Add 35%?

#89

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You have to pick it 'cause it's the button in the middle.

#90

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[♪ playing "Careless Whisper" flawlessly]

#91

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[♪ playing "Careless Whisper" poorly]

#92

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What the hell, Peter?

#93

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This is the fifth night in a row you woke me up with that damn song.

#94

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Your house is where the streetlight is.

#95

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It's not my fault.

#96

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Yeah, well, thanks a lot.

#97

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I was only having the best dream ever.

#98

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Oh yeah? One of them that ends wet?

#99

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No. Get this, I'm returning the lawn mower to Home Depot.

#100

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The workers were wearing blue but I still knew it was

#101

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a Home Depot,

#102

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dreams are weird like that.

#103

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Anyway, they offer me cash instead of store credit.

#104

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So I ask, "Are you sure? It's covered in grass, and I don't have a receipt."

#105

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And then you know what Bud said--

#106

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That was the guy's name, Bud,

#107

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which is also my Dad's name so.

#108

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Sir Carl Jung would have a field... [chuckles] ...field day with that one.

#109

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Anyway, you know what he said?

#110

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-No. -Me neither!

#111

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Now go play inside so I can get back to sleep

#112

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and see how this roller coaster ends.

#113

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[slams]

#114

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And before you go to bed, this screen is gonna ask you a couple of questions.

#115

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[♪ instrumental music playing]

#116

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Good game. Good game.

#117

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Good game. Hey, nice assist back there.

#118

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Good game. Good game.

#119

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Hey, Quagmire, you got a minute?

#120

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Sure, let me just violently wave my door a couple of times...

#121

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[waves]

#122

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Come on in.

#123

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What am I gonna do, Quagmire?

#124

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Peter's driving me nuts with that saxophone.

#125

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Joseph, I realized a long time ago,

#126

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you can't fight Peter's antics.

#127

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The harder you resist the shenanigans,

#128

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the shenannier they become.

#129

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So what I did was put together

#130

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the Peter Griffin Survival Kit.

#131

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It's everything you need to make being his neighbor tolerable.

#132

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I've got a variety of these different sized plugs--

#133

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To put in your ears when he's loud?

#134

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Yeah or, you know, anywhere they fit.

#135

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And this tracks Peter's heart rate,

#136

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so I can avoid him when he's overstimulated.

#137

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[beeps]

#138

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That spike is when he found a frog the other day.

#139

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Do you have anything to help me sleep?

#140

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That doesn't involve putting your orifice plug in my ear, ideally.

#141

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As a matter of fact, I do.

#142

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These are powerful, unregulated sleeping pills.

#143

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I got them in the Navy.

#144

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They give these to all the guys who commit atrocious massacres

#145

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and then have trouble sleeping.

#146

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-[heart monitor beeping] -[Peter] A caterpillar in March?

#147

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[♪ instrumental music playing]

#148

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[doorbell ringing]

#149

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[Quagmire] I'm coming! I'm coming!

#150

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Angrily tying a bathrobe... 'cause I got woken up...

#151

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Thanks again for those sleepy pills, Mr. Q.

#152

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Front row tickets to the blanket show, baby.

#153

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"Mr. Q?" What are you-- Oh my God!

#154

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Joe, you're walking!

#155

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Walk it like I talk it and talk it like I walk it.

#156

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Wait, are you.

#157

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You're asleep! How is this possible?

#158

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Well, I could tell you, but who needs a long, boring story.

#159

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You're walking and self-aware?

#160

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It's a miracle!

#161

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[gasps]

#162

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[grunts]

#163

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What happened?

#164

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What happened is you walked!

#165

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Oh my God, you're right!

#166

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I beat my record.

#167

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[♪ instrumental music playing]

#168

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All right, what do we got,

#169

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four middle-aged guys at the same appointment?

#170

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I don't need to know how it got up there.

#171

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Just tell me who I'm taking it out of.

#172

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No, no! Doc, it's Joe!

#173

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He took a super strong sleeping pill last night and sleepwalked!

#174

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Well, people do display odd behavior under the influence of drugs

#175

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like Ambien. Let me get somebody better suited to help.

#176

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I got a code TB12 in room three.

#177

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Hi, I'm pseudo-science expert and Tom Brady face-thinner-outer

#178

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Doctor Alex Guerrero.

#179

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Now, how can I help you gentlemen?

#180

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I've been in a chair for years,

#181

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but I took one of these last night and started walking.

#182

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Interesting.

#183

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Well, there must be a neurological explanation.

#184

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So to get to the bottom of it, we'll have to use...

#185

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-An MRI? -...our imaginations!

#186

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I think these pills put you in such a deep state of sleep,

#187

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the damaged part of your spinal cord went offline.

#188

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Then to compensate,

#189

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an undamaged neural pathway activated allowing you to walk.

#190

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So as long as Joe takes those pills,

#191

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he can walk again, right?

#192

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Yes, and no.

#193

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His legs might work, but in that state,

#194

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he'll have no access to his waking memory

#195

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or the personality he's developed over the course of his life.

#196

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So technically, it won't really be Joe who's walking.

#197

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Well, now that you mention it, he was acting strange.

#198

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He was super laid back and kind of cool!

#199

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Well, during sleep, we're not preoccupied with the stress

#200

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of our day to day lives.

#201

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So for him to be very relaxed makes a lot of sense.

#202

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Yeah, but does it though?

#203

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If you want my opinion-- and I cannot stress enough

#204

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how uninformed it is-- Joe should stay away from these pills.

#205

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There's no telling what sort of negative side effects they might have.

#206

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Well, guess it's back to my chair.

#207

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Thanks for seeing me.

#208

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My pleasure. Oh, you can make the co-pay out

#209

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to "Guerrero Shipping Solutions, LLC,"

#210

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and if anyone asks, this all took place in the state of Delaware.

#211

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[♪ instrumental music playing]

#212

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[TV announcer] Coming up this month on Turner Classic Movies.

#213

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Get a hold of yourself! [slaps]

#214

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Get a hold of yourself! [slaps]

#215

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Get a hold of yourself! [slaps]

#216

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[announcer] Turner Classic Movies,

#217

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if a woman gets slapped in black and white, we've got it.

#218

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So, I was choring it up last Friday,

#219

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buying new batteries for the smoke detector--

#220

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Ho-- Hold on, Joe.

#221

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This anecdote sounds like it's turning into a story.

#222

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Oh, it's a story alright.

#223

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-Quagmire, story clock. -On it.

#224

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Okay, you got 60 seconds, Joe.

#225

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Come on, is that thing really necessary?

#226

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You're using your time, Joe.

#227

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Okay. Okay. Where was I...

#228

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batteries for the smoke detector.

#229

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So I get to the store and I'm like, "Shoot.

#230

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There's A batteries, C batteries, and D batteries."

#231

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And that got me to thinking where the heck are the B batteries?

#232

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Did they really skip B?

#233

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-I don't buy it, so I start digging. -[alarm beeps]

#234

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-Time! -Oh, that's not fair.

#235

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Joe, if you talk any more, you're gonna put us all to sleep.

#236

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Wish Joe was asleep. He was way more interesting.

#237

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Yeah, Joe, why don't you take another one of them sleeping pills?

#238

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Maybe you'll sleepwalk again.

#239

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What the hell.

#240

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I guess one more time won't hurt.

#241

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[gulps]

#242

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[snoring]

#243

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[♪ intense music playing]

#244

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Uh-uh, hell no! This ain't part of God's plan.

#245

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-[thuds] -[♪ playing, "Could You Be Loved"]

#246

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Holy crap, that's amazing!

#247

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That was my credit he played,

#248

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and I'm not a huge Bob Marley guy,

#249

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but otherwise, holy crap, that's amazing!

#250

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So I'm thinking I'll have. a summer solstice party.

#251

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Send the old' girl in the sky a big 'preesh for the vitamin D.

#252

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You guys should check it out.

#253

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And if you have any trouble getting in,

#254

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just tell 'em you're with... Joey Goodtimes.

#255

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-Can I bring a date? -No.

#256

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Bring two.

#257

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Man, sleepwalking Joe is awesome.

#258

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That was my beer for which I've been waiting quite some time.

#259

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But otherwise, sleepwalking Joe is awesome!

#260

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Hey, some party, Joe!

#261

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It's "Joey." Who's up for some food?

#262

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Great. Nothing like the Joe Swanson special,

#263

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a supermarket vegetable platter warmed by the sun.

#264

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Here we are, gents. Bowl of Ruffles, two liter bottle of Coke.

#265

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Pizza's on the way.

#266

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-Wow! -No way!

#267

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Donna says Cola makes me jumpy.

#268

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Did y'all meet Bon-fire? I call her that 'cause she's smoking hot.

#269

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[giggles]

#270

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Peter, give me a nickname that tells people I'm hot.

#271

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I think everyone here has met. Dumpster-fire?

#272

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-Peter! -It's 'cause of the hair!

#273

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Jam band's starting, Bon-fire.

#274

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Let's go dance like it's our first day in a human body.

#275

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What the hell, Peter?

#276

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Joe's unconscious, and he and Bonnie have a better sex life than we do.

#277

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Lois, we've been over this.

#278

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Once one of us agrees to shave it,

#279

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we're back in business.

#280

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Man, I had the best time at Joe's yesterday.

#281

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You said it! Me and Donna ate some goofy mushrooms and then cried

#282

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watching the sunrise.

#283

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And good crying,

#284

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not the-bank's-coming for-your-house crying.

#285

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-Hey, there he is! -The King!

#286

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We are very behind on our payments though.

#287

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What are you guys talking about?

#288

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It's just me, Joe.

#289

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We know! You sleepwalked again

#290

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and threw the most epic party of all time!

#291

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Yeah, why didn't you tell me a "free love tent" is just an orgy,

#292

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minus condoms, plus B-O?

#293

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Oh man, I had that at my party?

#294

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I hope Bonnie didn't see. She'd kill me.

#295

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Uh, Joe, Bonnie was in the tent.

#296

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But don't worry, she didn't do anything with anybody but you.

#297

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Even under-the-pants stuff?

#298

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Well, I am done with those pills.

#299

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Next time I get UTP action, I wanna be there.

#300

⇓

That's too bad 'cause Joey Goodtimes is the man.

#301

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He's so popular, he already has his own Cameo account.

#302

⇓

Hey there "Peter Griffin"!

#303

⇓

Heard somebody's a little nervous about changing his clothes at Planet Fitness.

#304

⇓

Well, let me tell you there's no shame in your game, no matter how much...

#305

⇓

it turtles in front of a crowd.

#306

⇓

Are you coming back to bed, Joey?

#307

⇓

Yeah, just firing off some inspo to a fat idiot with big balls, baby carrot.

#308

⇓

It's like monster truck wheels on a Miata.

#309

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You're, uh, still learning how to end the record.

#310

⇓

Hey, Bon, sorry I missed the big party yesterday but I was thinking

#311

⇓

we could recreate that magic with some Bosch and chill.

#312

⇓

Um, no, thanks.

#313

⇓

You sure? Doesn't have to be Bosch.

#314

⇓

Could be any one of those last name crime shows and chill.

#315

⇓

Bul? Luther? Longmire? Reacher? Will Trent?

#316

⇓

Which, I know, it's a first-name last-name crime show.

#317

⇓

But what the hell, it's almost Friday.

#318

⇓

Just wake me up if you decide to fall asleep again.

#319

⇓

[flirty] Bon-fire needs another log.

#320

⇓

Actually, with the drought we've had,

#321

⇓

we probably shouldn't be starting any more fires--

#322

⇓

Bon?

#323

⇓

[snoring]

#324

⇓

[brushing]

#325

⇓

When did we get so boring, Joe?

#326

⇓

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

#327

⇓

Speak for yourself.

#328

⇓

Joey Goodtimes and boring go together

#329

⇓

like peanut butter and jelly. I know you guys like that,

#330

⇓

but in the imaginary mirror universe, it's a gross combo.

#331

⇓

So tell me, when was the last time your friends were excited to see you?

#332

⇓

When was the last time Bonnie wanted you to come to bed?

#333

⇓

[sighs] You're right. Bonnie and the guys deserve better.

#334

⇓

I have to go. Got a ketchup and tuna sandwich over here

#335

⇓

that ain't gonna eat itself. Again, mirror universe.

#336

⇓

[gulps]

#337

⇓

Okay, Joey's back so let the good times walk.

#338

⇓

Wait, so I'm stuck in here now?

#339

⇓

Might as well see what all the fuss is about.

#340

⇓

[disgusted gag]

#341

⇓

He gets Bonnie, and I get a crappy mirror sandwich?

#342

⇓

[♪ instrumental music playing]

#343

⇓

[sizzling]

#344

⇓

I don't know where you get the energy after a night like that.

#345

⇓

Just get over here, babe.

#346

⇓

I'm gonna do you right on the counter

#347

⇓

where I prepped the raw chicken.

#348

⇓

[both moaning]

#349

⇓

Your boobs are so wet.

#350

⇓

You're still holding the chicken breast.

#351

⇓

Oh. Well, in my defense, I am asleep.

#352

⇓

[♪ instrumental music playing]

#353

⇓

Good God! He hit it so far,

#354

⇓

they added a yellow tail so the viewers at home can enjoy it.

#355

⇓

Alright, fellas, let's go.

#356

⇓

Good thing we don't need that golf cart anymore.

#357

⇓

We get to walk all 18 holes.

#358

⇓

Sheesh, I don't even walk the mini golf course.

#359

⇓

[beeping]

#360

⇓

Hey, slowpokes, what do you want to drink?

#361

⇓

-[both] Beer! -Pedialyte.

#362

⇓

We don't have Pedialyte.

#363

⇓

Don't worry, Cleveland, Joey's got ya.

#364

⇓

Ava, give me a warm ginger ale and a flat Sprite.

#365

⇓

Little trick I learned from nausea TikTok.

#366

⇓

My Apple Pay's on,

#367

⇓

you can just swipe my pocket, hun.

#368

⇓

[beeps]

#369

⇓

[slurps]

#370

⇓

Mmm... I can feel it coating my troubled innards.

#371

⇓

You know what?

#372

⇓

Gimme one of them clam chowders

#373

⇓

and a Baby Ruth.

#374

⇓

Okay, that's 17, but let's just call it 18 for legal reasons.

#375

⇓

And that's another 20 for me.

#376

⇓

I think it's the Asian half that makes Tiger Woods talented.

#377

⇓

Boy, I hope no ground hogs pop up and drag my ball into the hole.

#378

⇓

[thumps]

#379

⇓

Because that would be terrible.

#380

⇓

[thumps]

#381

⇓

Sounds like fun up there. Should we go?

#382

⇓

Honey? We can't.

#383

⇓

It's not February second.

#384

⇓

Uch! One day. Black people get a whole month.

#385

⇓

Gerald. Don't.

#386

⇓

What? Breast cancer gets a month.

#387

⇓

Mustaches get a month.

#388

⇓

Not masturbating gets a month!

#389

⇓

Save it for your podcast, honey.

#390

⇓

[♪ instrumental music playing]

#391

⇓

I can't believe Joey stayed to play another round.

#392

⇓

Yeah, he said he wanted to get in 54.

#393

⇓

I can't even do that math.

#394

⇓

Not even I can get in that many holes, tired giggity.

#395

⇓

It's like he ditched us.

#396

⇓

Probably because you don't like to shower after a round.

#397

⇓

Yeah, I-- I can smell you from here.

#398

⇓

I forgot my jelly shoes.

#399

⇓

It's important to wear them in the clubhouse

#400

⇓

because drainage in a public locker room--

#401

⇓

Alright, I'm starting the clock.

#402

⇓

[gasps] Did you just "Joe" me?

#403

⇓

If anybody should be "Joe"-ing somebody, it should be me "Joe"-ing you.

#404

⇓

Don't you dare "Joe" me, you fat turd!

#405

⇓

[timer ticking]

#406

⇓

Wait, guys, guys. Don't you realize what's happening?

#407

⇓

Every friend group needs to have a bottom friend.

#408

⇓

A guy who's doing way worse than all the rest of us.

#409

⇓

And we lost our bottom friend!

#410

⇓

Three Shirley Temples for that booth over there.

#411

⇓

You're right. Ever since Joe became awesome,

#412

⇓

the rest of us are just scrambling to stay off the bottom.

#413

⇓

Without Joe, we're like Oates, Messina and Garfunkel.

#414

⇓

Well, that's a funny cutaway we don't have time for.

#415

⇓

But we gotta get the old Joe back!

#416

⇓

From the gentleman at the bar.

#417

⇓

He told me to tell you, "Bottoms up".

#418

⇓

[slurping]

#419

⇓

[♪ instrumental music playing]

#420

⇓

Hey, Joey, how'd you shoot?

#421

⇓

Oh, I don't keep score, but someone else did.

#422

⇓

Sixty-eight.

#423

⇓

Oh cool. Here's a question.

#424

⇓

Is Bermuda grass something you can grow anywhere,

#425

⇓

or is it like champagne and it has to come from there?

#426

⇓

Oh, that's a long, boring story

#427

⇓

that I have no desire to tell.

#428

⇓

Joey, is a AAA membership worth it?

#429

⇓

I'll have plenty of time to tell you that when I'm not waiting in line at the DMV.

#430

⇓

Or getting up to 40% off tickets to any participating AMC theater.

#431

⇓

Hey, whatever this is, knock it off!

#432

⇓

Hey, Joey, I can never remember,

#433

⇓

what group sings this song.

#434

⇓

[♪ playing, "Life is a highway"]

#435

⇓

♪ Life is a highway ♪

#436

⇓

♪ I wanna ride it ♪

#437

⇓

♪ All night long ♪

#438

⇓

Uh, actually, it's not a group,

#439

⇓

it's a person. Tom Cochrane.

#440

⇓

A Canuck, no less--

#441

⇓

I know what you guys are doing!

#442

⇓

You're trying to get rid of Joey Goodtimes!

#443

⇓

Wheel to the light, Joe! We need you back.

#444

⇓

No! But I'm cool now!

#445

⇓

The old Joe was just a crippled punching bag!

#446

⇓

That's right.

#447

⇓

And he was our crippled punching bag and we miss him.

#448

⇓

Yeah, we thought we liked this Joe better, but we don't.

#449

⇓

That's right. The old Joe is the best Joe.

#450

⇓

I can't go back!

#451

⇓

I'll never go back!

#452

⇓

Fine. I didn't want to have to do this, but I will.

#453

⇓

Joe tell us why aren't there any B batteries?

#454

⇓

I-- I won't!

#455

⇓

Why aren't there any B batteries?

#456

⇓

There are! There are B batteries.

#457

⇓

It's just electronics manufacturers favored

#458

⇓

the dimensions of the new double and triple As.

#459

⇓

We all know C and D found their niche

#460

⇓

in high drain situations,

#461

⇓

but B slowly disappeared.

#462

⇓

Except for European lanterns and bike lights!

#463

⇓

[collapses]

#464

⇓

Joe, it's a miracle!

#465

⇓

You can't walk!

#466

⇓

[♪ instrumental music playing]

#467

⇓

And that's why Ralph Nader deemed it,

#468

⇓

"unsafe at any speed".

#469

⇓

[timer dings]

#470

⇓

Wow, that was so long and boring.

#471

⇓

It's nice to have you back, Joe.

#472

⇓

And I enjoy having the space on the booth seat for my pocket bric-a-brac back.

#473

⇓

Hey, what did you end up doing with the rest of those pills I gave you?

#474

⇓

I dumped them in the 18th hole in honor of Joey Goodtimes.

#475

⇓

[slicing]

#476

⇓

Oh, Gerald. [laughs] What are you doing?

#477

⇓

Don't worry about what I'm doing, baby.

#478

⇓

Worry about what I'm about to do.

#479

⇓

I'm gonna turn Groundhog Day into poundhog day.

#480

⇓

[playful] Gerald, I'm cooking an acorn.

#481

⇓

[♪ closing theme music playing]

#482

⇓