Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S03E12 — The Gang Gets Whacked (1)

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 3, Episode 12 — The Gang Gets Whacked (1)

DENNIS: Oh, wow, dude. This thing is disgusting.

#1

⇓

MAC: There's so much rust. Maybe we should wipe it with a wet rag.

#2

⇓

- I'm not gonna do that! - Why not?

#3

⇓

Because it's a goddamn circuit breaker. We'll get electrocuted.

#4

⇓

I'm just gonna use this screwdriver, all right?

#5

⇓

It's got a rubber handle. That'll keep me grounded.

#6

⇓

No, I'm pretty sure you have to be standing on rubber.

#7

⇓

The bottoms of my shoes are rubber.

#8

⇓

No! You know what it is? You can't be standing on the ground at all.

#9

⇓

Maybe you should jump up into midair and do it.

#10

⇓

Yeah. If you jump into the air and grab a live wire,

#11

⇓

you... won't get electrocuted.

#12

⇓

But then if you land on the ground and you're still holding that wire,

#13

⇓

you'll be blown to bits. I saw it in "Tango and Cash".

#14

⇓

So I'm supposed to risk my life based on something...

#15

⇓

that you saw in the movie "Tango and Cash"?

#16

⇓

- Kurt Russell... I think. - I'll jam this with a screwdriver.

#17

⇓

The rubber handle will ground me and I'll be safe.

#18

⇓

- All right. Give it a shot. - Okay.

#19

⇓

- It's all set to scrape... - Oh, my God!

#20

⇓

Holy shit!

#21

⇓

FRANK: Whoa, whoa! What the hell are you doing?

#22

⇓

- It exploded. - You're making it worse!

#23

⇓

Bro, you gotta pay somebody to fix this, man.

#24

⇓

No! I'm tired of spending my money...

#25

⇓

every time something goes wrong in this place.

#26

⇓

We can't fix it, Frank! It's too dangerous!

#27

⇓

- It scared the shit out of me. - Well, get Charlie to do it.

#28

⇓

He won't go near the thing. He's been electrocuted, like, 500 times.

#29

⇓

Yeah. I think he's starting to catch on to that.

#30

⇓

Get me a harness 'cause I'll have to be swinging in the air to do this.

#31

⇓

- Are you kidding me? - I told you.

#32

⇓

Did you get the flashlights?

#33

⇓

Forget about the flashlights! Check these bad boys out!

#34

⇓

- They fell off the back of a truck. - Nice grab.

#35

⇓

But what about the flashlights?

#36

⇓

Uh, I'm sorry. Someone wasn't paying attention, right?

#37

⇓

Free speakers, dude! Free speakers for the bar!

#38

⇓

- Mac, let's plug these bad boys in. - We don't have any electricity!

#39

⇓

- That's why we need the flashlight. - Careful!

#40

⇓

I'm sorry. I didn't...

#41

⇓

- Holy shit. DEE: What is that?

#42

⇓

- Oh, my God. - Whoa.

#43

⇓

- That's a... big bag of drugs. - This is not good, dude.

#44

⇓

Somebody'll be looking for those drugs.

#45

⇓

Relax. They're gonna be shit out of luck 'cause no one...

#46

⇓

- No one saw us take the speakers. - Did they?

#47

⇓

- See us take... (scoffs) - No.

#48

⇓

There you have it. Look, let's not worry or panic.

#49

⇓

This is... (swallows) This is a lot of drugs.

#50

⇓

But, like, what's the worst that could happen? (chuckles)

#51

⇓

- Gotta get rid of it. - Yeah. Drugs are bad news.

#52

⇓

- Let's get rid of it. - Throw it in the garbage.

#53

⇓

Ooh, you can't do that 'cause a kid could find it.

#54

⇓

- Right. - Burn it.

#55

⇓

Then we're dealing with a fume situation.

#56

⇓

- Yeah. You gotta wear masks and... - Yeah, it's a whole thing and...

#57

⇓

- It's a big production. - All right, then bury it!

#58

⇓

No, see. Now we're back to the kids again.

#59

⇓

Because kids run with shovels, playing in dirt.

#60

⇓

- And then one of them's gonna... - Okay. Call the police.

#61

⇓

What, are we gonna just solve society's drug problem?

#62

⇓

- You know what I mean? No! - Is that on us? Is that on us now?

#63

⇓

The community is still going down the toilet.

#64

⇓

So I think what you're saying, Sweet Dee,

#65

⇓

s that we could use the unsolvable drug problem in our society...

#66

⇓

to fix the solvable light problem in our bar.

#67

⇓

- Yes. - Absolutely. I hear you.

#68

⇓

We're saying we're gonna do the drugs,

#69

⇓

and then we're gonna try and fix the lights.

#70

⇓

- Charlie didn't understand that. - That's asinine.

#71

⇓

Yeah, we're gonna flip the drugs.

#72

⇓

Make a bunch of money. Use that money to fix the electricity.

#73

⇓

All right. Well, both ways work. I kinda like my way.

#74

⇓

- Your way's terrible. - I'm in.

#75

⇓

- Let's sell these drugs. - You're not in.

#76

⇓

- Thank you. - And you're not gonna sell them.

#77

⇓

We'll do it, Charlie. Because we found the drugs.

#78

⇓

- And you're bossy. - Very bossy.

#79

⇓

- I'm not bossy. - Scumbags!

#80

⇓

Frank, come on. Look, we're trying to get some money...

#81

⇓

to fix the lights in our bar because you won't give it to us.

#82

⇓

Back in my day, only the biggest pieces of shit dealt drugs.

#83

⇓

We're not gonna deal drugs. We're gonna flip it.

#84

⇓

- We'll flip it once. - It's a onetime flip.

#85

⇓

We'll go to your... that shady guy Bingo that you know.

#86

⇓

We'll say, you know, "Here's a pile of drugs. Give us some money."

#87

⇓

Oh, no, no, no. You don't go to Bingo. Bingo is my contact.

#88

⇓

I'm sorry. I don't think you can call dibs

#89

⇓

on a shady people-smuggler. - You can't do that.

#90

⇓

Just do not mention my name!

#91

⇓

Relax, dude. No one's gonna mention your name.

#92

⇓

Hey, Bingo. Frank sent us.

#93

⇓

Frank, huh? I'm gonna skin that son of a bitch and wear his face.

#94

⇓

- Anyway, what's up? - Well, we're trying...

#95

⇓

- Don't look at me. - Excuse me?

#96

⇓

- Look up. Up. - Okay.

#97

⇓

- Is this good? - That's fine. Now speak.

#98

⇓

Uh, okay. Uh, well, listen, Bingo.

#99

⇓

We got a bucket of nose clams fresh from the sea.

#100

⇓

Sweet, delicious nose clams that are looking for a home if you follow me.

#101

⇓

No. I don't follow you. I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

#102

⇓

Yes, you do. It's not confusing.

#103

⇓

Just everybody settle down. These are the kind of "nose clams"

#104

⇓

that make you want to dance the night away.

#105

⇓

I don't get what the hell you're talking about.

#106

⇓

- It's so obvious! - You know what? It's not obvious.

#107

⇓

Now you're being too vague. You're talking about dancing clams.

#108

⇓

(groaning) What's gonna make you dance?

#109

⇓

These are the kind of nose clams

#110

⇓

that you crush up into a line of white powder.

#111

⇓

And you snort them up through your nose. And they make you high.

#112

⇓

You use a dollar bill or a straw to do it. They come from Colombia.

#113

⇓

They're illegal. And they rhyme with "propane".

#114

⇓

Perfect. You found a perfect medium ground there.

#115

⇓

- So you want to sell me cocaine? - Yes!

#116

⇓

Why didn't you come out and say that instead of dancing around it.

#117

⇓

We talked about it in the car. It's a thing you do.

#118

⇓

That is the kindergarten behavior of drug dealing.

#119

⇓

- Do you want them or not? - Yeah, of course I do.

#120

⇓

- Oh, great. Well, here you go. - Thank you.

#121

⇓

- Eyes, boom. - Yeah.

#122

⇓

- Oh! (laughs) - Oh!

#123

⇓

Youse two. We need to talk to youse. Huh?

#124

⇓

Oh, shit. Are you guys gangsters?

#125

⇓

(together) - Shut up! - Ah, owe me a Coke.

#126

⇓

Listen, rumor has it that somebody who works at this bar...

#127

⇓

found a certain somethin' that belongs to us.

#128

⇓

A certain somethin' which may or may not have fallen off a certain truck.

#129

⇓

And the certain somebody we know

#130

⇓

thinks they saw that certain someone pick it up

#131

⇓

and take it back to that certain bar,

#132

⇓

which may or may not be the place that we happen to be or not be...

#133

⇓

talkin' to a couple of certain somebodies right this very second.

#134

⇓

Capisce? Huh?

#135

⇓

Fellas, we're about six beers' deep.

#136

⇓

So I think you're gonna have to...

#137

⇓

be a little bit more clear 'cause I didn't get that last part.

#138

⇓

I missed out on the whole thing to be honest.

#139

⇓

I was confused by it. I'm very confused by the...

#140

⇓

I was very confused by the whole thing, if I'm being honest.

#141

⇓

Look, why don't you just return what belongs to us...

#142

⇓

or pay us the 25 G's that it's worth, and we'll be square.

#143

⇓

- Youse got until Friday, huh? - What happens on Friday?

#144

⇓

(chuckles)

#145

⇓

Well, Friday is the day... that we may or may not be forced...

#146

⇓

to chop your limbs off...

#147

⇓

and distribute them evenly amongst your friends and your family.

#148

⇓

And that's Friday.

#149

⇓

- Friday. - Okay.

#150

⇓

Well, thanks, gentlemen. That's very... a very clear message.

#151

⇓

And we will certainly get on that right away.

#152

⇓

- Yeah. Okay. - That's muched appreciated.

#153

⇓

- Uh, good day to youse. - And good day to youse.

#154

⇓

Come on. What's the matter with you? Chewin' in my ear all the time.

#155

⇓

Come on. Come on. Come on.

#156

⇓

Holy shit!

#157

⇓

(Charlie cheers)

#158

⇓

#Guess who sold the drugs And we can fix the lights now#

#159

⇓

- The lights are fixed. - Yeah, man.

#160

⇓

- No shit. How'd you do that? - We got bigger problems than that.

#161

⇓

The drugs that you just sold, they belong to the mob.

#162

⇓

- What? - Yeah, they saw you guys.

#163

⇓

Yeah. Guys, real-life actual gangsters. It was pretty cool.

#164

⇓

- They came to the bar... - It was not cool!

#165

⇓

Look! The point is,

#166

⇓

we're gonna give them the money that you got from Bingo. So it's...

#167

⇓

Cool. And then maybe we can keep a little for ourselves too.

#168

⇓

- Yeah, well, how much did you get? - Oh, dude. A one, a two,

#169

⇓

a 300 dollars! - Hello.

#170

⇓

You guys, those drugs were worth 25 grand!

#171

⇓

Oh, shit! Are you serious?

#172

⇓

- Yes! - I told you.

#173

⇓

- I asked for more money. - What?

#174

⇓

- Yes, I did. - No, you didn't!

#175

⇓

I was using "Dead Presidents" as a cover. You didn't get that?

#176

⇓

He said to the man he wanted many, many thousands of green people...

#177

⇓

(together) from history times.

#178

⇓

Oh, my God. We are so screwed.

#179

⇓

How are we gonna get 25 grand by Friday?

#180

⇓

Don't look at me. You made this bed.

#181

⇓

You're sleeping in it. This is a life lesson for you.

#182

⇓

This is not the time to be throwing down life lessons.

#183

⇓

We are going to get whacked off by a bunch of scary Italian guys.

#184

⇓

Did they say they're gonna whack us off?

#185

⇓

They implied all of us!

#186

⇓

Nobody's gonna get whacked off today, okay? Listen.

#187

⇓

We're gonna take the money. We'll get our drugs back from Bingo.

#188

⇓

We'll give it to the mob. And we'll pretend none of this ever happened.

#189

⇓

- And this time I'll do the talking! - Okay.

#190

⇓

Just keep my name out of it.

#191

⇓

Frank said to tell you to sell us back our drugs.

#192

⇓

- Okay. No problem. - Good. Good.

#193

⇓

- Excellent. - Problem solved.

#194

⇓

- 5,000 dollars. - What?

#195

⇓

Just an hour ago, you gave us 300 for 'em.

#196

⇓

- Yeah, I don't recall that. CHARLIE: Come on!

#197

⇓

All right. What can we get for 300 then?

#198

⇓

Uh, you want an exotic bird? (all clamoring)

#199

⇓

If you're gonna play this game, we need to buy something from you...

#200

⇓

that we can sell back to other people at a higher price.

#201

⇓

- Yeah. - Okay. OxyContin.

#202

⇓

It's a very popular pill these days.

#203

⇓

And I happen to have a whole shitload of it.

#204

⇓

- How much? - 1,200.

#205

⇓

- Oh, boy. - That's gonna...

#206

⇓

- Bingo! Wow. - Goodness gracious with this guy.

#207

⇓

If it's not one thing, it's another thing.

#208

⇓

Okay. But think about it this way.

#209

⇓

If we split it, it's only a few hundred dollars each.

#210

⇓

Let me just go grab my cash from my money tree that I have planted.

#211

⇓

I know a leprechaun who has a pot of gold. Lives at the end of my street.

#212

⇓

Maybe I'll go to a bank and say, "Hello. Do I have an account here?"

#213

⇓

Call Donald Trump!

#214

⇓

How do three men in their 30s not have 800 dollars between them?

#215

⇓

- They're... - The economy is in shambles.

#216

⇓

- Have you taken a close look... - The NASDAQ!

#217

⇓

- At the marketplace right now? - Dow Jones!

#218

⇓

Stop talking, goddamn it! Fine! I'll do it!

#219

⇓

I'm not getting my money back, am I?

#220

⇓

Give us money.

#221

⇓

Boom.

#222

⇓

What am I supposed to do with that?

#223

⇓

- You tell us. - Yeah. Bingo said

#224

⇓

you knew how to sell those drugs. - I told you not to involve me!

#225

⇓

- Did you mention my name? - First thing we did.

#226

⇓

- You gonna harp on it all day? - Goddamn it!

#227

⇓

- The guy's gonna skin me alive. - He is gonna skin you alive.

#228

⇓

- He mentioned something about it. - Will you just pay the mob off

#229

⇓

so we don't have to sell these pills?

#230

⇓

I am not using any more of my money!

#231

⇓

- The mob is gonna kill us, man! - Look, if I cave on this,

#232

⇓

I'm gonna be bailing you guys out for the rest of my life.

#233

⇓

I'm putting my foot down on this one.

#234

⇓

You bitches gotta earn your own money!

#235

⇓

Fine! Whatever! It doesn't matter.

#236

⇓

Because, seeing as how I'm the boss...

#237

⇓

- You're not the boss. - Oh, yes, I am.

#238

⇓

I've come up with an excellent idea.

#239

⇓

Frank, you are gonna get us into that country club

#240

⇓

that you used to belong to. And we're gonna sell the pills there.

#241

⇓

- That'd be a good place. - Yes. Thank you very much.

#242

⇓

You can't make no 25,000 dollars from that amount of pills.

#243

⇓

- How long you got? - Till Friday.

#244

⇓

You're gonna have to turn a trick or two. Go into prostitution.

#245

⇓

You are disgusting! How could you suggest...

#246

⇓

I am absolutely not doing that!

#247

⇓

I wasn't talking about you.

#248

⇓

Guys at those country clubs get hotter broads than you.

#249

⇓

- I would think, yeah. - I was saying the male escort

#250

⇓

s really hard to come by.

#251

⇓

I'm picking up what you're putting down. I'll do it.

#252

⇓

Uh, Charlie, you're not quite cut from the right cloth.

#253

⇓

- What? - Okay. Make it me.

#254

⇓

Mac, you're too low class. All those women are gonna think

#255

⇓

they're gonna catch somethin' from you.

#256

⇓

- They are. They will. - I was thinking about Dennis.

#257

⇓

Right. Now, Frank, will any of these women be attractive in any way?

#258

⇓

- Probably not. - Then I'm not going to do it.

#259

⇓

Let's sell some drugs. Why are you grabbing it?

#260

⇓

- I'm the boss. Get out. - Very grabby. Really?

#261

⇓

Okay. I think we gotta look for old ladies with lots of big jewelry.

#262

⇓

- They got the deepest pockets. - Ah, that's my girl.

#263

⇓

Dennis, I think you should unbutton this button too.

#264

⇓

- No... - Show a little chest.

#265

⇓

Frank, I know what you're trying to do. And I'm not gonna be a whore.

#266

⇓

So just drop it. All right?

#267

⇓

Holy shit. Did you guys see that midget dressed like a lawn jockey?

#268

⇓

- That's a jockey, Charlie. - Do what, now?

#269

⇓

That's a real jockey.

#270

⇓

The ones that ride on the horses... Forget it!

#271

⇓

Wait, wait, wait, wait. They have horses here?

#272

⇓

There's a racetrack next door, dude.

#273

⇓

- Bye-bye. - What? No!

#274

⇓

- Where are you going? - All right, whatever!

#275

⇓

- Let's split up. - I call Dennis.

#276

⇓

No. I'm not gonna be a whore, Frank.

#277

⇓

You're already a whore. Why not make some money at it?

#278

⇓

You're gonna try and make me bang old ladies.

#279

⇓

Then you're gonna have me move on to dudes.

#280

⇓

We're wasting time. Dee! Let's split up!

#281

⇓

Come on!

#282

⇓

Oh, that's good, huh? You like that?

#283

⇓

- It's a real beaut, ain't she? - Holy shit. You can talk?

#284

⇓

- What? (chuckles) - That is great.

#285

⇓

I would've figured if anything, your voice would be like super high.

#286

⇓

All right. Well, good for you.

#287

⇓

She normally doesn't take to strangers. She must like you, huh?

#288

⇓

Yeah. Wow. You know, she seems like a real nice horse.

#289

⇓

Well, actually, she kicked the last stable boy's brains in.

#290

⇓

He takes his food through a straw now.

#291

⇓

- I bet. - Hey,

#292

⇓

you wouldn't be interested in taking his job, would ya?

#293

⇓

I'd be very interested.

#294

⇓

Well, you have any qualms about picking up shit?

#295

⇓

(whistles) Terrific. Terrific.

#296

⇓

Usually, we'd use a shovel for that. But to each his own,

#297

⇓

- I guess. Why don't you come... - Not me.

#298

⇓

... and meet the fellas? (mutters) - All right.

#299

⇓

Oh, right. Good work.

#300

⇓

Okay. Now, there's only one thing that these rich old men understand.

#301

⇓

And that is money. So I am gonna play the role

#302

⇓

of a high-powered executive. And you are going to be my secretary, Linda.

#303

⇓

Ooh! No. No. I will be your business partner.

#304

⇓

Dee, these guys are old school, okay?

#305

⇓

They don't like women's rights. Don't give me any lip!

#306

⇓

The first thing I need you to do is get Jameson on the phone...

#307

⇓

and tell him I don't need his 650,000 dollar investment.

#308

⇓

He can shove it right back up his ass.

#309

⇓

Ooh, I got a better idea, Bob. How about you do it?

#310

⇓

- What's that? - Yeah.

#311

⇓

I think you should get Jameson on the phone for me.

#312

⇓

Well, why would I do that, Linda? You're my secretary and a woman.

#313

⇓

(chuckles) What do you know about investing?

#314

⇓

Oh, I'm sorry, Bob. Remind me again what we're having Jameson invest in?

#315

⇓

Jameson is investing in new technologies.

#316

⇓

DEE: Really? Which ones? - Lasers.

#317

⇓

- Lasers! - Yep.

#318

⇓

- That is adorable. - Lasers, Linda!

#319

⇓

Who wants to buy some drugs?

#320

⇓

- Hey, man. You workin'? - Excuse me?

#321

⇓

(scoffs) No, look, I'm not a gigolo, all right?

#323

⇓

- For real? - Yeah.

#324

⇓

Hey, a good-looking guy like you could do very well in my business.

#325

⇓

Thanks. But I'm not really into banging old ladies.

#326

⇓

Bang them? No, bro.

#327

⇓

You got it all wrong, man. These women are classy.

#328

⇓

Yeah, they just want someone to be nice to them.

#329

⇓

Flirt a little bit. That's it.

#330

⇓

Really? I wouldn't have to bang these ladies?

#331

⇓

No. Bro, it's all fancy dinners, exotic vacations.

#332

⇓

These ladies have so much cash, man. It's the life.

#333

⇓

You should really think about it.

#334

⇓

You could make a killing here, bro.

#335

⇓

Huh.

#336

⇓

(man singing: Spanish) Hey.

#337

⇓

- Nice work. - Hey, thanks, man.

#338

⇓

- Oh, that's yours. - Thank you very much.

#339

⇓

- Yours. Thank you. - Hey, man. You said 20.

#340

⇓

- Take it or leave it. - Hey, whatever, homes.

#341

⇓

Puta pendejo.

#342

⇓

(laughing, chattering)

#343

⇓

Man, these guys are crazy. I can't believe they bought all my pills.

#344

⇓

Ah, you know what they say. Nobody parties like a jockey!

#345

⇓

I was not familiar with that expression, Buster.

#346

⇓

- I didn't even know you could talk. - So you want that job or not?

#347

⇓

I tell you what. I got a little something

#348

⇓

I gotta straighten out with the mafia. You know how that goes.

#349

⇓

- Oh, sure. - But when that's done, maybe.

#350

⇓

Because there's something about that horse, Buster.

#351

⇓

You know, it's like we looked at each other.

#352

⇓

And then there was eye contact. And I was looking at the horse.

#353

⇓

The horse was looking at me. And then it hit me, I think maybe...

#354

⇓

I was a centaur in my past life.

#355

⇓

Something tells me you probably were never half-man, half-horse.

#356

⇓

But, hell, what do I know? All I know is you got a great attitude.

#357

⇓

So come on, you old son of a gun,

#358

⇓

and let Buster do a line off your boner.

#359

⇓

(inhales) No?

#360

⇓

Uh, "garzon," why don't you hook up the young lady here...

#361

⇓

with one of your best strawberry daiquiris?

#362

⇓

All righty. Thanks.

#363

⇓

Hey, how's it going, man? Uh, did you sell any of your pills?

#364

⇓

No. Actually, I'm kind of working a different angle here, Charlie.

#365

⇓

- Check it out. I sold all of mine. - Okay, that's...

#366

⇓

Lawn jockeys are crazy people, man. Did you know that?

#367

⇓

Great. But... You're kinda cramping my style.

#368

⇓

I'm trying to drum up business here. You know what I'm saying?

#369

⇓

Dude, I think I was a centaur in my past life.

#370

⇓

It totally occurred to me.

#371

⇓

What makes you think you were half-man, half-horse?

#372

⇓

Charlie. Come on. Out, out. He's working.

#373

⇓

- What? I'm enjoying a roll. - He's working.

#374

⇓

Will you please get out of here? You smell like cheese.

#375

⇓

No, no. It's horse shit.

#376

⇓

Well, whatever it is, it's terrible. Okay?

#377

⇓

Let's call it what it is. It's horse shit. I have it all over my hands.

#378

⇓

- Let's go. Get up. - But it's not cheese.

#379

⇓

The horse was eating a lot of cheese. I don't know what it is.

#380

⇓

- You stink. - Come on. Get up.

#381

⇓

- I don't wanna get up. - Frank, as a matter of fact,

#382

⇓

you don't smell much better. If you could get out of here,

#383

⇓

that would be really helpful. - Don't talk to me that way.

#384

⇓

Don't talk to me. I am your pimp.

#385

⇓

- You are my ho. CHARLIE: Look, dude.

#386

⇓

- Horses don't eat cheese. - You are ruining this!

#387

⇓

Will you get out of here, for the love of all that is holy on earth!

#388

⇓

- You reek of cheese! MAN: Excuse me.

#389

⇓

Are you the Reynolds party?

#390

⇓

- Yeah. Yeah. - Uh-huh.

#391

⇓

We had to escort your friends off the property.

#392

⇓

They're waiting for you by your car.

#393

⇓

Oh...

#394

⇓

Yeah. Where? Ah, the guilty parties.

#395

⇓

Yeah. Yeah, Mac made a whole series of bad decisions.

#396

⇓

And then we got kicked out, and they stole our drugs.

#397

⇓

- Was he being bossy? - Yeah. He was being very bossy.

#398

⇓

- And now we've got nothing. - All right. It's not a total loss.

#399

⇓

- No, no, no. - I sold all my pills.

#400

⇓

- Oh! Nice. - Oh, that's awesome.

#401

⇓

- What about you, Dennis? - Dennis is a prostitute now.

#402

⇓

- Good. - No, I'm not a prostitute, okay?

#403

⇓

- Yes, he is. - There's no banging old ladies

#404

⇓

and dudes. All right? I will be providing a very important service,

#405

⇓

however, as what I would like to be called a handsome companion.

#406

⇓

- To dudes? - To guys or...

#407

⇓

No, not to dudes. No, hang on.

#408

⇓

Hold on. Hang on. To old, fancy, rich ladies...

#409

⇓

who want to do classy, exotic, fancy things with me.

#410

⇓

Great. Dennis, you keep banging dudes.

#411

⇓

Dee, let's take Charlie's money and go buy some cocaine.

#412

⇓

Do you see what you're doing here with the bossiness again?

#413

⇓

- And the demanding. - Ordering everyone around.

#414

⇓

- I don't appreciate it. - Oh, he's out.

#415

⇓

You're not kicking me out. I'm your boss!

#416

⇓

You're the only one who hasn't made any forward progress today.

#417

⇓

- Just hang back. - Wait.

#418

⇓

I'm just supposed to put my life into your hands?

#419

⇓

- Look, man. We're in some... - Leave your ego out of it.

#420

⇓

Excuse me! We're in some serious hot water here...

#421

⇓

because of you and your bossiness, all right?

#422

⇓

I think you should stop acting like such a baby.

#423

⇓

- So you're gonna leave me here? - We cannot have you around us

#424

⇓

screwing things up! - How am I supposed to get home?

#425

⇓

DEE: You're supposed to walk like the rest of the Americans.

#426

⇓

You walk, you know? On their two feet!

#427

⇓

- Walk? It's like 40 miles! - Oh, that's why young people...

#428

⇓

You can't do this to me! You can't do this!

#429

⇓

I'm smart, and I deserve respect!

#430

⇓

I'm gonna get you sons of bitches!

#431

⇓

(horn honking)

#432

⇓

MAN: Whoa! - You want to stop it already?

#433

⇓

(clamoring) It's all right.

#434

⇓

I put the parking brake on. Sorry about that, boys.

#435

⇓

- Hey, you got our money? - No, I do not have your money.

#436

⇓

But I think there's been a misunderstanding here.

#437

⇓

- And I want to set it straight. - Proceed.

#438

⇓

Well, ever since your alleged package... (man chuckles)

#439

⇓

came into my bar, I may or may not...

#440

⇓

have had absolutely nothing to do with it.

#441

⇓

- You did or you didn't? - I did.

#442

⇓

You did have something to do with it?

#443

⇓

No. No. I did have absolutely nothing to do with it.

#444

⇓

Wait, wait. You just said you did have something to do with it.

#445

⇓

I think I said I did have absolutely nothing to do with it.

#446

⇓

- But you said... - Are you sure?

#447

⇓

When you use a double negative, it becomes something totally different.

#448

⇓

We can get into that later. The point is this, guys.

#449

⇓

I want to get in on what you guys got.

#450

⇓

I want to dress like a track star.

#451

⇓

I want to wear gold shit and slick my hair back

#452

⇓

and grow a pompadour, you know? - You want to join our crew, huh?

#453

⇓

- More than anything. - Okay, first things first.

#454

⇓

- You gotta prove your loyalty. - Prove my loyalty?

#455

⇓

Yeah. I want you... to go clean the bathrooms.

#456

⇓

- Yeah. - The bathrooms?

#457

⇓

- Yeah. The bathrooms. - Why?

#458

⇓

'Cause that's the first step in becoming a part of our crew!

#459

⇓

Okay. Guys, I clean a mean bathroom.

#460

⇓

I learned from one of my friends, You'll get to know him too maybe.

#461

⇓

- I'll bring him in. - I'm sure you will.

#462

⇓

- Thank you. Thank you. - Go.

#463

⇓

You gonna really let him be part of our crew?

#464

⇓

Hey, summer squash for brains,

#465

⇓

I'm gonna make him our bitch till Friday.

#466

⇓

- Oh, bitch boy. - Bitch boy.

#467

⇓

And after that?

#468

⇓

I wanna whack him off irregardless.

#469

⇓

(laughing continues)

#470

⇓