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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S03E12 — The Gang Gets Whacked (1)

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 3, Episode 12 — The Gang Gets Whacked (1)

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: The Gang Gets Whacked (1)

Air date: November 01, 2007

Director: Matt Shakman

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

After stumbling upon a kilo of cocaine, the gang is forced to pay off a $25,000 debt to the mob. Mac becomes a mob informant, while Frank pimps out Dennis as an escort at the local country club. Charlie stumbles upon an opportunity to sell illegal narcotics.

Source: TMDB

↓

DENNIS: Oh, wow, dude. This thing is disgusting.

dennis disgusting

↓

MAC: There's so much rust. Maybe we should wipe it with a wet rag.

rust wipe

↓

- I'm not gonna do that! - Why not?

↓

Because it's a goddamn circuit breaker. We'll get electrocuted.

breaker circuit electrocuted goddamn

↓

I'm just gonna use this screwdriver, all right?

screwdriver

↓

It's got a rubber handle. That'll keep me grounded.

grounded handle rubber thatll

↓

No, I'm pretty sure you have to be standing on rubber.

rubber standing

↓

The bottoms of my shoes are rubber.

bottoms rubber shoes

↓

No! You know what it is? You can't be standing on the ground at all.

ground standing

↓

Maybe you should jump up into midair and do it.

jump

↓

Yeah. If you jump into the air and grab a live wire,

grab jump live live-wire wire

↓

you... won't get electrocuted.

electrocuted

↓

But then if you land on the ground and you're still holding that wire,

ground holding land wire

↓

you'll be blown to bits. I saw it in "Tango and Cash".

bits blown cash tango

↓

So I'm supposed to risk my life based on something...

based life risk supposed

↓

that you saw in the movie "Tango and Cash"?

cash movie tango

↓

- Kurt Russell... I think. - I'll jam this with a screwdriver.

kurt kurt-russell russell screwdriver

↓

The rubber handle will ground me and I'll be safe.

ground handle rubber safe

↓

- All right. Give it a shot. - Okay.

shot

↓

- It's all set to scrape... - Oh, my God!

scrape

↓

Holy shit!

holy

↓

FRANK: Whoa, whoa! What the hell are you doing?

frank whoa whoa-whoa

↓

- It exploded. - You're making it worse!

exploded worse

↓

Bro, you gotta pay somebody to fix this, man.

somebody

↓

No! I'm tired of spending my money...

money spending tired

↓

every time something goes wrong in this place.

place

↓

We can't fix it, Frank! It's too dangerous!

dangerous frank

↓

- It scared the shit out of me. - Well, get Charlie to do it.

charlie scared

↓

He won't go near the thing. He's been electrocuted, like, 500 times.

electrocuted near times

↓

Yeah. I think he's starting to catch on to that.

catch starting

↓

Get me a harness 'cause I'll have to be swinging in the air to do this.

harness swinging

↓

- Are you kidding me? - I told you.

kidding

↓

Did you get the flashlights?

flashlights

↓

Forget about the flashlights! Check these bad boys out!

boys check flashlights forget

↓

- They fell off the back of a truck. - Nice grab.

fell grab truck

↓

But what about the flashlights?

flashlights

↓

Uh, I'm sorry. Someone wasn't paying attention, right?

attention paying paying-attention

↓

Free speakers, dude! Free speakers for the bar!

free speakers

↓

- Mac, let's plug these bad boys in. - We don't have any electricity!

boys electricity plug

↓

- That's why we need the flashlight. - Careful!

careful flashlight

↓

I'm sorry. I didn't...

↓

- Holy shit. DEE: What is that?

holy

↓

- Oh, my God. - Whoa.

whoa

↓

- That's a... big bag of drugs. - This is not good, dude.

drugs

↓

Somebody'll be looking for those drugs.

drugs looking

↓

Relax. They're gonna be shit out of luck 'cause no one...

luck relax

↓

- No one saw us take the speakers. - Did they?

speakers

↓

- See us take... (scoffs) - No.

scoffs

↓

There you have it. Look, let's not worry or panic.

panic worry

↓

This is... (swallows) This is a lot of drugs.

drugs swallows

↓

But, like, what's the worst that could happen? (chuckles)

chuckles happen worst

↓

- Gotta get rid of it. - Yeah. Drugs are bad news.

drugs news

↓

- Let's get rid of it. - Throw it in the garbage.

garbage throw

↓

Ooh, you can't do that 'cause a kid could find it.

↓

- Right. - Burn it.

burn

↓

Then we're dealing with a fume situation.

dealing situation

↓

- Yeah. You gotta wear masks and... - Yeah, it's a whole thing and...

masks wear whole

↓

- It's a big production. - All right, then bury it!

bury production

↓

No, see. Now we're back to the kids again.

kids

↓

Because kids run with shovels, playing in dirt.

dirt kids playing

↓

- And then one of them's gonna... - Okay. Call the police.

police thems

↓

What, are we gonna just solve society's drug problem?

drug drug-problem problem solve

↓

- You know what I mean? No! - Is that on us? Is that on us now?

↓

The community is still going down the toilet.

community toilet

↓

So I think what you're saying, Sweet Dee,

sweet

↓

s that we could use the unsolvable drug problem in our society...

drug drug-problem problem society

↓

to fix the solvable light problem in our bar.

light problem

↓

- Yes. - Absolutely. I hear you.

absolutely

↓

We're saying we're gonna do the drugs,

drugs

↓

and then we're gonna try and fix the lights.

lights

↓

- Charlie didn't understand that. - That's asinine.

charlie

↓

Yeah, we're gonna flip the drugs.

drugs flip

↓

Make a bunch of money. Use that money to fix the electricity.

bunch electricity money

↓

All right. Well, both ways work. I kinda like my way.

kinda ways

↓

- Your way's terrible. - I'm in.

ways

↓

- Let's sell these drugs. - You're not in.

drugs sell

↓

- Thank you. - And you're not gonna sell them.

sell

↓

We'll do it, Charlie. Because we found the drugs.

charlie drugs found

↓

- And you're bossy. - Very bossy.

bossy

↓

- I'm not bossy. - Scumbags!

bossy

↓

Frank, come on. Look, we're trying to get some money...

frank money

↓

to fix the lights in our bar because you won't give it to us.

lights

↓

Back in my day, only the biggest pieces of shit dealt drugs.

biggest dealt drugs pieces

↓

We're not gonna deal drugs. We're gonna flip it.

deal drugs flip

↓

- We'll flip it once. - It's a onetime flip.

flip

↓

We'll go to your... that shady guy Bingo that you know.

bingo shady

↓

We'll say, you know, "Here's a pile of drugs. Give us some money."

drugs money pile

↓

Oh, no, no, no. You don't go to Bingo. Bingo is my contact.

bingo bingo-bingo contact

↓

I'm sorry. I don't think you can call dibs

dibs

↓

on a shady people-smuggler. - You can't do that.

shady

↓

Just do not mention my name!

mention name

↓

Relax, dude. No one's gonna mention your name.

mention name ones relax

↓

Hey, Bingo. Frank sent us.

bingo frank sent

↓

Frank, huh? I'm gonna skin that son of a bitch and wear his face.

bitch face frank skin wear

↓

- Anyway, what's up? - Well, we're trying...

↓

- Don't look at me. - Excuse me?

excuse

↓

- Look up. Up. - Okay.

↓

- Is this good? - That's fine. Now speak.

speak

↓

Uh, okay. Uh, well, listen, Bingo.

bingo

↓

We got a bucket of nose clams fresh from the sea.

bucket clams fresh nose nose-clams

↓

Sweet, delicious nose clams that are looking for a home if you follow me.

clams delicious follow home looking nose nose-clams sweet

↓

No. I don't follow you. I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

follow

↓

Yes, you do. It's not confusing.

confusing

↓

Just everybody settle down. These are the kind of "nose clams"

clams everybody nose nose-clams settle

↓

that make you want to dance the night away.

dance night

↓

I don't get what the hell you're talking about.

↓

- It's so obvious! - You know what? It's not obvious.

obvious

↓

Now you're being too vague. You're talking about dancing clams.

clams dancing vague

↓

(groaning) What's gonna make you dance?

dance groaning

↓

These are the kind of nose clams

clams nose nose-clams

↓

that you crush up into a line of white powder.

crush line powder white

↓

And you snort them up through your nose. And they make you high.

nose

↓

You use a dollar bill or a straw to do it. They come from Colombia.

bill dollar dollar-bill straw

↓

They're illegal. And they rhyme with "propane".

illegal propane rhyme

↓

Perfect. You found a perfect medium ground there.

found ground medium perfect

↓

- So you want to sell me cocaine? - Yes!

cocaine sell

↓

Why didn't you come out and say that instead of dancing around it.

dancing

↓

We talked about it in the car. It's a thing you do.

talked

↓

That is the kindergarten behavior of drug dealing.

behavior dealing drug kindergarten

↓

- Do you want them or not? - Yeah, of course I do.

course

↓

- Oh, great. Well, here you go. - Thank you.

↓

- Eyes, boom. - Yeah.

boom eyes

↓

- Oh! (laughs) - Oh!

laughs

↓

Youse two. We need to talk to youse. Huh?

youse

↓

Oh, shit. Are you guys gangsters?

gangsters

↓

(together) - Shut up! - Ah, owe me a Coke.

coke

↓

Listen, rumor has it that somebody who works at this bar...

rumor somebody works

↓

found a certain somethin' that belongs to us.

belongs certain found somethin

↓

A certain somethin' which may or may not have fallen off a certain truck.

certain fallen somethin truck

↓

And the certain somebody we know

certain somebody

↓

thinks they saw that certain someone pick it up

certain pick thinks

↓

and take it back to that certain bar,

certain

↓

which may or may not be the place that we happen to be or not be...

happen place

↓

talkin' to a couple of certain somebodies right this very second.

certain couple second talkin

↓

Capisce? Huh?

↓

Fellas, we're about six beers' deep.

beers deep fellas

↓

So I think you're gonna have to...

↓

be a little bit more clear 'cause I didn't get that last part.

clear part

↓

I missed out on the whole thing to be honest.

honest missed whole

↓

I was confused by it. I'm very confused by the...

confused

↓

I was very confused by the whole thing, if I'm being honest.

confused honest whole

↓

Look, why don't you just return what belongs to us...

belongs return

↓

or pay us the 25 G's that it's worth, and we'll be square.

square worth

↓

- Youse got until Friday, huh? - What happens on Friday?

friday happens youse

↓

(chuckles)

chuckles

↓

Well, Friday is the day... that we may or may not be forced...

forced friday

↓

to chop your limbs off...

chop limbs

↓

and distribute them evenly amongst your friends and your family.

amongst distribute family friends

↓

And that's Friday.

friday

↓

- Friday. - Okay.

friday

↓

Well, thanks, gentlemen. That's very... a very clear message.

clear gentlemen message thanks

↓

And we will certainly get on that right away.

certainly

↓

- Yeah. Okay. - That's muched appreciated.

appreciated

↓

- Uh, good day to youse. - And good day to youse.

youse

↓

Come on. What's the matter with you? Chewin' in my ear all the time.

matter

↓

Come on. Come on. Come on.

↓

Holy shit!

holy

↓

(Charlie cheers)

charlie cheers

↓

#Guess who sold the drugs And we can fix the lights now#

drugs lights sold

↓

- The lights are fixed. - Yeah, man.

fixed lights

↓

- No shit. How'd you do that? - We got bigger problems than that.

bigger bigger-problems howd problems

↓

The drugs that you just sold, they belong to the mob.

belong drugs sold

↓

- What? - Yeah, they saw you guys.

↓

Yeah. Guys, real-life actual gangsters. It was pretty cool.

actual cool gangsters life real real-life

↓

- They came to the bar... - It was not cool!

cool

↓

Look! The point is,

point

↓

we're gonna give them the money that you got from Bingo. So it's...

bingo money

↓

Cool. And then maybe we can keep a little for ourselves too.

cool

↓

- Yeah, well, how much did you get? - Oh, dude. A one, a two,

↓

a 300 dollars! - Hello.

dollars

↓

You guys, those drugs were worth 25 grand!

drugs grand worth

↓

Oh, shit! Are you serious?

serious

↓

- Yes! - I told you.

↓

- I asked for more money. - What?

asked money

↓

- Yes, I did. - No, you didn't!

↓

I was using "Dead Presidents" as a cover. You didn't get that?

cover dead presidents using

↓

He said to the man he wanted many, many thousands of green people...

green thousands wanted

↓

(together) from history times.

history times

↓

Oh, my God. We are so screwed.

screwed

↓

How are we gonna get 25 grand by Friday?

friday grand

↓

Don't look at me. You made this bed.

↓

You're sleeping in it. This is a life lesson for you.

lesson life sleeping

↓

This is not the time to be throwing down life lessons.

lessons life throwing

↓

We are going to get whacked off by a bunch of scary Italian guys.

bunch italian scary whacked

↓

Did they say they're gonna whack us off?

whack

↓

They implied all of us!

implied

↓

Nobody's gonna get whacked off today, okay? Listen.

nobodys today whacked

↓

We're gonna take the money. We'll get our drugs back from Bingo.

bingo drugs money

↓

We'll give it to the mob. And we'll pretend none of this ever happened.

happened pretend

↓

- And this time I'll do the talking! - Okay.

↓

Just keep my name out of it.

name

↓

Frank said to tell you to sell us back our drugs.

drugs frank sell

↓

- Okay. No problem. - Good. Good.

problem

↓

- Excellent. - Problem solved.

excellent problem problem-solved solved

↓

- 5,000 dollars. - What?

dollars

↓

Just an hour ago, you gave us 300 for 'em.

hour

↓

- Yeah, I don't recall that. CHARLIE: Come on!

charlie recall

↓

All right. What can we get for 300 then?

↓

Uh, you want an exotic bird? (all clamoring)

bird clamoring exotic

↓

If you're gonna play this game, we need to buy something from you...

game

↓

that we can sell back to other people at a higher price.

higher price sell

↓

- Yeah. - Okay. OxyContin.

↓

It's a very popular pill these days.

days pill popular

↓

And I happen to have a whole shitload of it.

happen shitload whole

↓

- How much? - 1,200.

↓

- Oh, boy. - That's gonna...

↓

- Bingo! Wow. - Goodness gracious with this guy.

bingo goodness gracious

↓

If it's not one thing, it's another thing.

another

↓

Okay. But think about it this way.

↓

If we split it, it's only a few hundred dollars each.

dollars hundred hundred-dollars split

↓

Let me just go grab my cash from my money tree that I have planted.

cash grab money planted tree

↓

I know a leprechaun who has a pot of gold. Lives at the end of my street.

gold leprechaun lives street

↓

Maybe I'll go to a bank and say, "Hello. Do I have an account here?"

account bank

↓

Call Donald Trump!

donald trump

↓

How do three men in their 30s not have 800 dollars between them?

dollars three

↓

- They're... - The economy is in shambles.

economy

↓

- Have you taken a close look... - The NASDAQ!

close taken

↓

- At the marketplace right now? - Dow Jones!

jones

↓

Stop talking, goddamn it! Fine! I'll do it!

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

I'm not getting my money back, am I?

money

↓

Give us money.

money

↓

Boom.

boom

↓

What am I supposed to do with that?

supposed

↓

- You tell us. - Yeah. Bingo said

bingo

↓

you knew how to sell those drugs. - I told you not to involve me!

drugs involve sell

↓

- Did you mention my name? - First thing we did.

mention name

↓

- You gonna harp on it all day? - Goddamn it!

goddamn goddamn-it harp

↓

- The guy's gonna skin me alive. - He is gonna skin you alive.

alive skin

↓

- He mentioned something about it. - Will you just pay the mob off

mentioned

↓

so we don't have to sell these pills?

pills sell

↓

I am not using any more of my money!

money using

↓

- The mob is gonna kill us, man! - Look, if I cave on this,

cave kill

↓

I'm gonna be bailing you guys out for the rest of my life.

bailing life rest

↓

I'm putting my foot down on this one.

foot putting

↓

You bitches gotta earn your own money!

bitches earn money

↓

Fine! Whatever! It doesn't matter.

matter

↓

Because, seeing as how I'm the boss...

boss seeing

↓

- You're not the boss. - Oh, yes, I am.

boss

↓

I've come up with an excellent idea.

excellent idea

↓

Frank, you are gonna get us into that country club

club country country-club frank

↓

that you used to belong to. And we're gonna sell the pills there.

belong pills sell used

↓

- That'd be a good place. - Yes. Thank you very much.

place thatd

↓

You can't make no 25,000 dollars from that amount of pills.

amount dollars pills

↓

- How long you got? - Till Friday.

friday till

↓

You're gonna have to turn a trick or two. Go into prostitution.

trick

↓

You are disgusting! How could you suggest...

disgusting suggest

↓

I am absolutely not doing that!

absolutely

↓

I wasn't talking about you.

↓

Guys at those country clubs get hotter broads than you.

broads clubs country hotter

↓

- I would think, yeah. - I was saying the male escort

escort male

↓

s really hard to come by.

hard

↓

I'm picking up what you're putting down. I'll do it.

picking putting

↓

Uh, Charlie, you're not quite cut from the right cloth.

charlie

↓

- What? - Okay. Make it me.

↓

Mac, you're too low class. All those women are gonna think

class women

↓

they're gonna catch somethin' from you.

catch somethin

↓

- They are. They will. - I was thinking about Dennis.

dennis thinking

↓

Right. Now, Frank, will any of these women be attractive in any way?

attractive frank women

↓

- Probably not. - Then I'm not going to do it.

↓

Let's sell some drugs. Why are you grabbing it?

drugs grabbing sell

↓

- I'm the boss. Get out. - Very grabby. Really?

boss

↓

Okay. I think we gotta look for old ladies with lots of big jewelry.

jewelry ladies lots

↓

- They got the deepest pockets. - Ah, that's my girl.

deepest girl pockets

↓

Dennis, I think you should unbutton this button too.

button dennis

↓

- No... - Show a little chest.

chest

↓

Frank, I know what you're trying to do. And I'm not gonna be a whore.

frank whore

↓

So just drop it. All right?

drop

↓

Holy shit. Did you guys see that midget dressed like a lawn jockey?

dressed holy jockey lawn midget

↓

- That's a jockey, Charlie. - Do what, now?

charlie jockey

↓

That's a real jockey.

jockey real

↓

The ones that ride on the horses... Forget it!

forget horses ones ride

↓

Wait, wait, wait, wait. They have horses here?

horses

↓

There's a racetrack next door, dude.

door

↓

- Bye-bye. - What? No!

↓

- Where are you going? - All right, whatever!

↓

- Let's split up. - I call Dennis.

dennis split

↓

No. I'm not gonna be a whore, Frank.

frank whore

↓

You're already a whore. Why not make some money at it?

money whore

↓

You're gonna try and make me bang old ladies.

bang ladies

↓

Then you're gonna have me move on to dudes.

dudes

↓

We're wasting time. Dee! Let's split up!

split wasting

↓

Come on!

↓

Oh, that's good, huh? You like that?

↓

- It's a real beaut, ain't she? - Holy shit. You can talk?

aint beaut holy real

↓

- What? (chuckles) - That is great.

chuckles

↓

I would've figured if anything, your voice would be like super high.

figured super voice wouldve

↓

All right. Well, good for you.

↓

She normally doesn't take to strangers. She must like you, huh?

must normally strangers

↓

Yeah. Wow. You know, she seems like a real nice horse.

horse real seems

↓

Well, actually, she kicked the last stable boy's brains in.

boys brains kicked stable

↓

He takes his food through a straw now.

food straw takes

↓

- I bet. - Hey,

↓

you wouldn't be interested in taking his job, would ya?

interested

↓

I'd be very interested.

interested

↓

Well, you have any qualms about picking up shit?

picking

↓

(whistles) Terrific. Terrific.

terrific whistles

↓

Usually, we'd use a shovel for that. But to each his own,

shovel usually

↓

- I guess. Why don't you come... - Not me.

↓

... and meet the fellas? (mutters) - All right.

fellas meet mutters

↓

Oh, right. Good work.

↓

Okay. Now, there's only one thing that these rich old men understand.

rich

↓

And that is money. So I am gonna play the role

money role

↓

of a high-powered executive. And you are going to be my secretary, Linda.

executive linda powered secretary

↓

Ooh! No. No. I will be your business partner.

business business-partner partner

↓

Dee, these guys are old school, okay?

school

↓

They don't like women's rights. Don't give me any lip!

rights womens

↓

The first thing I need you to do is get Jameson on the phone...

phone

↓

and tell him I don't need his 650,000 dollar investment.

dollar investment

↓

He can shove it right back up his ass.

shove

↓

Ooh, I got a better idea, Bob. How about you do it?

idea

↓

- What's that? - Yeah.

↓

I think you should get Jameson on the phone for me.

phone

↓

Well, why would I do that, Linda? You're my secretary and a woman.

linda secretary woman

↓

(chuckles) What do you know about investing?

chuckles investing

↓

Oh, I'm sorry, Bob. Remind me again what we're having Jameson invest in?

having invest remind

↓

Jameson is investing in new technologies.

investing

↓

DEE: Really? Which ones? - Lasers.

lasers ones

↓

- Lasers! - Yep.

lasers

↓

- That is adorable. - Lasers, Linda!

adorable lasers linda

↓

Who wants to buy some drugs?

drugs wants

↓

- Hey, man. You workin'? - Excuse me?

excuse workin

↓

(scoffs) No, look, I'm not a gigolo, all right?

scoffs

↓

- For real? - Yeah.

real

↓

Hey, a good-looking guy like you could do very well in my business.

business looking

↓

Thanks. But I'm not really into banging old ladies.

banging ladies thanks

↓

Bang them? No, bro.

bang

↓

You got it all wrong, man. These women are classy.

classy women

↓

Yeah, they just want someone to be nice to them.

↓

Flirt a little bit. That's it.

flirt

↓

Really? I wouldn't have to bang these ladies?

bang ladies

↓

No. Bro, it's all fancy dinners, exotic vacations.

dinners exotic fancy vacations

↓

These ladies have so much cash, man. It's the life.

cash ladies life

↓

You should really think about it.

↓

You could make a killing here, bro.

killing

↓

Huh.

↓

(man singing: Spanish) Hey.

singing spanish

↓

- Nice work. - Hey, thanks, man.

thanks

↓

- Oh, that's yours. - Thank you very much.

↓

- Yours. Thank you. - Hey, man. You said 20.

↓

- Take it or leave it. - Hey, whatever, homes.

homes

↓

Puta pendejo.

↓

(laughing, chattering)

chattering laughing

↓

Man, these guys are crazy. I can't believe they bought all my pills.

believe bought crazy pills

↓

Ah, you know what they say. Nobody parties like a jockey!

jockey nobody parties

↓

I was not familiar with that expression, Buster.

buster expression familiar

↓

- I didn't even know you could talk. - So you want that job or not?

↓

I tell you what. I got a little something

↓

I gotta straighten out with the mafia. You know how that goes.

mafia straighten

↓

- Oh, sure. - But when that's done, maybe.

↓

Because there's something about that horse, Buster.

buster horse

↓

You know, it's like we looked at each other.

looked

↓

And then there was eye contact. And I was looking at the horse.

contact horse looking

↓

The horse was looking at me. And then it hit me, I think maybe...

horse looking

↓

I was a centaur in my past life.

life past

↓

Something tells me you probably were never half-man, half-horse.

half horse tells

↓

But, hell, what do I know? All I know is you got a great attitude.

attitude

↓

So come on, you old son of a gun,

↓

and let Buster do a line off your boner.

boner buster line

↓

(inhales) No?

inhales

↓

Uh, "garzon," why don't you hook up the young lady here...

hook lady young young-lady

↓

with one of your best strawberry daiquiris?

best strawberry

↓

All righty. Thanks.

righty thanks

↓

Hey, how's it going, man? Uh, did you sell any of your pills?

pills sell

↓

No. Actually, I'm kind of working a different angle here, Charlie.

angle charlie working

↓

- Check it out. I sold all of mine. - Okay, that's...

check sold

↓

Lawn jockeys are crazy people, man. Did you know that?

crazy lawn

↓

Great. But... You're kinda cramping my style.

kinda style

↓

I'm trying to drum up business here. You know what I'm saying?

business drum

↓

Dude, I think I was a centaur in my past life.

life past

↓

It totally occurred to me.

occurred

↓

What makes you think you were half-man, half-horse?

half horse makes

↓

Charlie. Come on. Out, out. He's working.

charlie working

↓

- What? I'm enjoying a roll. - He's working.

enjoying roll working

↓

Will you please get out of here? You smell like cheese.

cheese smell

↓

No, no. It's horse shit.

horse

↓

Well, whatever it is, it's terrible. Okay?

↓

Let's call it what it is. It's horse shit. I have it all over my hands.

hands horse

↓

- Let's go. Get up. - But it's not cheese.

cheese

↓

The horse was eating a lot of cheese. I don't know what it is.

cheese eating horse

↓

- You stink. - Come on. Get up.

stink

↓

- I don't wanna get up. - Frank, as a matter of fact,

fact frank matter

↓

you don't smell much better. If you could get out of here,

smell

↓

that would be really helpful. - Don't talk to me that way.

helpful

↓

Don't talk to me. I am your pimp.

pimp

↓

- You are my ho. CHARLIE: Look, dude.

charlie

↓

- Horses don't eat cheese. - You are ruining this!

cheese horses ruining

↓

Will you get out of here, for the love of all that is holy on earth!

earth holy love

↓

- You reek of cheese! MAN: Excuse me.

cheese excuse

↓

Are you the Reynolds party?

party reynolds

↓

- Yeah. Yeah. - Uh-huh.

↓

We had to escort your friends off the property.

escort friends property

↓

They're waiting for you by your car.

waiting

↓

Oh...

↓

Yeah. Where? Ah, the guilty parties.

guilty parties

↓

Yeah. Yeah, Mac made a whole series of bad decisions.

decisions series whole

↓

And then we got kicked out, and they stole our drugs.

drugs kicked stole

↓

- Was he being bossy? - Yeah. He was being very bossy.

bossy

↓

- And now we've got nothing. - All right. It's not a total loss.

loss total total-loss

↓

- No, no, no. - I sold all my pills.

pills sold

↓

- Oh! Nice. - Oh, that's awesome.

awesome

↓

- What about you, Dennis? - Dennis is a prostitute now.

dennis dennis-dennis prostitute

↓

- Good. - No, I'm not a prostitute, okay?

prostitute

↓

- Yes, he is. - There's no banging old ladies

banging ladies

↓

and dudes. All right? I will be providing a very important service,

dudes providing service

↓

however, as what I would like to be called a handsome companion.

called companion handsome

↓

- To dudes? - To guys or...

dudes

↓

No, not to dudes. No, hang on.

dudes hang

↓

Hold on. Hang on. To old, fancy, rich ladies...

fancy hang ladies rich

↓

who want to do classy, exotic, fancy things with me.

classy exotic fancy

↓

Great. Dennis, you keep banging dudes.

banging dennis dudes

↓

Dee, let's take Charlie's money and go buy some cocaine.

charlies cocaine money

↓

Do you see what you're doing here with the bossiness again?

↓

- And the demanding. - Ordering everyone around.

demanding ordering

↓

- I don't appreciate it. - Oh, he's out.

appreciate

↓

You're not kicking me out. I'm your boss!

boss kicking

↓

You're the only one who hasn't made any forward progress today.

forward progress today

↓

- Just hang back. - Wait.

hang

↓

I'm just supposed to put my life into your hands?

hands life supposed

↓

- Look, man. We're in some... - Leave your ego out of it.

↓

Excuse me! We're in some serious hot water here...

excuse serious water

↓

because of you and your bossiness, all right?

↓

I think you should stop acting like such a baby.

acting baby

↓

- So you're gonna leave me here? - We cannot have you around us

cannot

↓

screwing things up! - How am I supposed to get home?

home screwing supposed

↓

DEE: You're supposed to walk like the rest of the Americans.

americans rest supposed walk

↓

You walk, you know? On their two feet!

feet walk

↓

- Walk? It's like 40 miles! - Oh, that's why young people...

miles walk young

↓

You can't do this to me! You can't do this!

↓

I'm smart, and I deserve respect!

deserve respect smart

↓

I'm gonna get you sons of bitches!

bitches sons

↓

(horn honking)

honking horn horn-honking

↓

MAN: Whoa! - You want to stop it already?

whoa

↓

(clamoring) It's all right.

clamoring

↓

I put the parking brake on. Sorry about that, boys.

boys brake parking

↓

- Hey, you got our money? - No, I do not have your money.

money

↓

But I think there's been a misunderstanding here.

misunderstanding

↓

- And I want to set it straight. - Proceed.

proceed straight

↓

Well, ever since your alleged package... (man chuckles)

alleged chuckles package

↓

came into my bar, I may or may not...

↓

have had absolutely nothing to do with it.

absolutely

↓

- You did or you didn't? - I did.

↓

You did have something to do with it?

↓

No. No. I did have absolutely nothing to do with it.

absolutely

↓

Wait, wait. You just said you did have something to do with it.

↓

I think I said I did have absolutely nothing to do with it.

absolutely

↓

- But you said... - Are you sure?

↓

When you use a double negative, it becomes something totally different.

becomes double negative

↓

We can get into that later. The point is this, guys.

point

↓

I want to get in on what you guys got.

↓

I want to dress like a track star.

dress star track

↓

I want to wear gold shit and slick my hair back

gold hair slick wear

↓

and grow a pompadour, you know? - You want to join our crew, huh?

crew grow join

↓

- More than anything. - Okay, first things first.

↓

- You gotta prove your loyalty. - Prove my loyalty?

loyalty prove

↓

Yeah. I want you... to go clean the bathrooms.

bathrooms clean

↓

- Yeah. - The bathrooms?

bathrooms

↓

- Yeah. The bathrooms. - Why?

bathrooms

↓

'Cause that's the first step in becoming a part of our crew!

becoming crew part step

↓

Okay. Guys, I clean a mean bathroom.

bathroom clean

↓

I learned from one of my friends, You'll get to know him too maybe.

friends learned

↓

- I'll bring him in. - I'm sure you will.

bring

↓

- Thank you. Thank you. - Go.

↓

You gonna really let him be part of our crew?

crew part

↓

Hey, summer squash for brains,

brains squash summer summer-squash

↓

I'm gonna make him our bitch till Friday.

bitch friday till

↓

- Oh, bitch boy. - Bitch boy.

bitch

↓

And after that?

↓

I wanna whack him off irregardless.

whack

↓

(laughing continues)

continues laughing laughing-continues