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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S03E11 — Dennis Looks Like a Registered Sex Offender

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 3, Episode 11 — Dennis Looks Like a Registered Sex Offender

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: Dennis Looks Like a Registered Sex Offender

Air date: October 25, 2007

Director: Jerry Levine

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

When Dennis is mistaken for a recently released child molester, he is more bothered by the fact that the guy is overweight rather than him being a sex offender. Meanwhile, Mac tries once again to bond with his ex-con father, who shows an interest in Dee.

Source: TMDB

↓

MAC: 6:57, 6:58, 6:59. Seven minutes. Keep going, buddy.

buddy minutes seven seven-minutes

↓

- Frank, you seeing this? - I'm working on the chicken parts.

chicken frank parts seeing working

↓

Forget the chicken parts. Charlie is about to shatter the world record

charlie chicken forget parts record shatter world world-record

↓

for holding his breath. He's up to seven minutes.

breath holding minutes seven seven-minutes

↓

- Take the buns off the radiator. - Forget the buns.

buns forget radiator

↓

We are gonna be world famous after this. Charlie, how you doing?

charlie famous world world-famous

↓

- I gotta breathe, man. - No, don't breathe! One minute!

breathe minute

↓

- Buns are gonna burn! - Don't do that!

buns burn

↓

Come on! Are you breathing?

breathing

↓

- Of course I'm breathing! - Well, you ruined it.

breathing course ruined

↓

We could have been famous. (knocking) Come in!

famous knocking

↓

Hi. I... Oh, I'm, uh...

↓

What do you want, lady?

lady

↓

Uh, my name is Betty Canuso,

betty name

↓

and I don't know if you heard, but a week ago,

heard week

↓

Eastern State Correctional Facility was forced to release

eastern facility forced release state

↓

25% of its inmates due to overcrowding.

↓

Eastern State? That's where my dad is. Maybe they let my dad out.

eastern state

↓

- Did they let my dad out, lady? - How would I know that? (chuckles)

chuckles lady

↓

Listen, I'm here because of a man named Wendell Albright,

named wendell

↓

a registered sex offender. He's moved into this neighborhood.

moved neighborhood registered

↓

I'm hoping by raising awareness we can force him

awareness force hoping raising

↓

out of the neighborhood and away from our children, once and for all.

children neighborhood

↓

- It's going on and on. - Is there something you need?

↓

Because we're in the middle of something.

middle

↓

Please post these flyers anywhere you can.

flyers post

↓

- Okay, okay, okay. - Yes, yes, yes.

↓

Thank you for your time. Out. Get out. Get out.

↓

Some people have no sense of my personal boundaries and property.

boundaries personal property sense

↓

Let's set the shit up again.

↓

- Holy shit! - What?

holy

↓

This dude looks just like Dennis.

dennis

↓

I do not look like this guy.

↓

- Are you serious, dude? - What are you guys talking about?

serious

↓

- He's, like, 40 years old. - Look at his jawline.

years

↓

His jaw is exactly where I don't look like him.

↓

- His jaw is fat and it's... - Go, like, this far back.

↓

I never go that far back. When I do, it doesn't do that.

↓

I give you six to eight months before you start looking like that.

eight eight-months looking months start

↓

That's crazy, man. There's no resemblance. (door closes)

closes crazy door door-closes

↓

- Hello. - Dad.

↓

They did let you out. Oh, my God.

↓

- Don't touch me. - Right. That's how it goes.

touch

↓

Hey, hey, come meet my friends. Guys, this is my dad.

friends meet

↓

- Well, Charlie you know. - Hey, hey, man. Hey, by the way,

charlie

↓

real sorry about that whole heroin incident in the butt,

butt heroin incident real whole

↓

but here's the deal. I had my butt filled like a Christmas stocking,

butt christmas deal filled

↓

and I wanted to come, I got a little nervous,

nervous wanted

↓

everything came flushing out of me.

flushing

↓

Wendell "Short-eyes". They let you out too, huh?

eyes short wendell

↓

What? No, I'm not Wendell "Short-eyes".

eyes short wendell

↓

- Didn't I stab you once? - No, you never stabbed...

stab stabbed

↓

I'm not Wendell, okay? I'm not a sexual child molester.

child child-molester molester sexual wendell

↓

I'm Dennis Reynolds. I'm handsome and chiseled and...

dennis dennis-reynolds handsome reynolds

↓

Now you got me thinking. I gotta go look in a mirror.

mirror thinking

↓

Dad, what are you gonna do now that you're out?

↓

- I need a job. - Tell you what. I just got an idea.

idea

↓

Bouncer. Welcome aboard, buddy.

aboard bouncer buddy welcome welcome-aboard

↓

- Right. - Good thinking.

thinking

↓

Can I talk to you for a second, you guys?

second

↓

- Oh, yeah. - Dee, that guy likes your hair.

hair likes

↓

Yeah, he does. This is a very bad plan.

plan

↓

- What? Which one? - This man should not work here.

↓

- Why are you attacking us? - He looks like he wants to eat me.

attacking wants

↓

Has he ever eaten anybody that you know of?

anybody eaten

↓

- I don't think so. - But it'd be pretty cool if he did.

cool

↓

Yeah, that is really cool.

cool

↓

Think about the dedication you got to put into eating a human body.

body dedication eating human human-body

↓

If he's got that kind of commitment, imagine what...

commitment imagine

↓

- Son, where's the telephone? - Do you have plans, Dad?

plans telephone

↓

We could do some father-son stuff. Have a catch. Talk.

catch father stuff

↓

No, I'm not gonna do that. But I'll tell you what.

↓

Here's a list of, uh, all the people I, uh,

list

↓

promised to visit after I got out of prison.

prison promised visit

↓

Maybe you can drive me around, help me take care of a few of 'em.

care drive

↓

Take care of a few of 'em? Okay, that sounds cool.

care cool sounds sounds-cool

↓

- You got a car? - No.

↓

Dennis does, but he won't give me the keys.

dennis keys

↓

That won't be a problem.

problem

↓

I do not want Mac's dad working at our bar.

macs working

↓

I was looking in the mirror. I gotta tell you, looks pretty good in here.

looking mirror

↓

- Jawline looks good. - Are you listening to me?

listening

↓

- I don't want to get eaten. - Eaten? He eats people?

eaten eats

↓

- That's awesome. - That's not awesome.

awesome

↓

Why do you guys think that eating people is awesome?

awesome eating

↓

- It just is. - Asshole!

asshole

↓

What? Did you see that?

↓

Yeah, I saw that. Listen, I need your help, okay?

↓

You're part owner of the bar, and you're probably the only person

owner part person

↓

that Mac listens to, and I need you talk to him.

listens

↓

Dee, you're blowing this completely out of proportion.

blowing completely proportion

↓

Mac's dad probably hasn't seen a woman in a very long time.

macs seen woman

↓

And as soon as he comes across one that's actually attractive,

attractive comes

↓

he's gonna forget all about you, just like every other man does.

forget

↓

- Why do you do that? - Pervert! Dickhead!

dickhead pervert

↓

Pervert? Dickhead? Why are people yelling at me in the streets, Dee?

dickhead pervert streets yelling

↓

Could have something to do with that.

↓

What?

↓

That's gonna be a problem for me.

problem

↓

- Take the TV too. - Frank!

frank

↓

- What the hell's going on in here? - I'm leaving. It's been great.

hells leaving

↓

But I got to get something more out of my life.

life

↓

Why are you taking all my shit?

↓

It was really hard to tell whose was whose,

hard

↓

so I just decided to take everything. You don't ever use this.

decided

↓

I use that all the time. It's like the only thing I use.

↓

Slow down, Frank. Slow down. What the hell's this all about?

frank hells slow

↓

Charlie, I need a woman.

charlie woman

↓

I need a woman to cook for me and clean up after me,

clean cook woman

↓

and somebody who'll do everything I say.

somebody wholl

↓

That's just a maid. You want a maid?

maid

↓

Yeah. That's right. A maid. A maid I can bang.

bang maid

↓

Well, what the hell, man? I mean...

↓

I thought we had a pretty sweet thing going on here.

sweet

↓

Am I wrong? We had a good deal going on.

deal

↓

We hung out. Breakin' records, eatin' chicken scraps.

breakin chicken eatin hung records scraps

↓

- I know you're gonna miss me. - Don't hug me!

miss

↓

Get... Get out of my apartment. Dude, I don't need you. No, wait.

apartment

↓

You know what, dude? Before you go, remember one thing.

remember

↓

We had about the sweetest life that two men can have together.

life

↓

And you're walking out on that.

walking

↓

Charlie, you're gonna have to deal with it. You know why?

charlie deal

↓

- Because I need that bang maid. - All right, fine.

bang maid

↓

But you're not gonna do very well out there without this guy.

↓

'Cause I may not be much, Frank, but, uh,

frank

↓

I think you'll find that I'm a pretty sweet deal

deal sweet

↓

once you're out there on your own, and I'll tell you what else.

↓

You're not gonna find a bang maid, 'cause there's no such thing.

bang maid

↓

I already did. Your mom. Good-bye.

↓

(sighs) Okay, let's go.

sighs

↓

It's been about 30 minutes, Dad. What were you doing up there?

minutes

↓

Hmm? Oh, just, uh, keeping up with my, uh, correspondence.

keeping

↓

Oh, that sounds nice. How'd it go?

howd sounds

↓

Well, there was a bit of a struggle, but, uh...

struggle

↓

- Turned out just fine. - Oh, good.

turned

↓

Good. So, um... I was thinking we could hang out, you know.

hang thinking

↓

I was thinking we could go on a double date.

date double double-date thinking

↓

Go onto Match.com, find us a couple of hot ladies. What do you think?

couple ladies match

↓

- No. - No. Okay. Ooh!

↓

We could go on a road trip. Dad, let's go to Cooperstown, New York.

road road-trip trip york

↓

I have always wanted to go to the Baseball Hall of Fame with my dad.

baseball fame hall wanted

↓

- You wanna do that with me, Dad? - Start the car.

start

↓

(clears Throat) Okay. I'll start the car. That's fine.

clears clears-throat start throat

↓

Um, just school me again here.

school

↓

Is it the yellow one to the black one, or is there orange involved?

black involved orange yellow

↓

- Red. - Red. Just red. There we go.

↓

Teamwork, right? A little father-son teamwork.

father teamwork

↓

Okay, here we go. Put on your seat belt.

belt seat seat-belt

↓

Or don't. Here we go.

↓

It looks great. Stop fiddling with it.

↓

I know it looks great. I just want to make sure the glue holds.

glue holds

↓

Remember, it's a twofold operation.

operation remember

↓

We want to prove that you're not Wendell Albright.

prove wendell

↓

- But prove that you are a good guy. - Good guy? (scoffs)

prove scoffs

↓

- Check. It comes naturally for me. - Great. Now step one.

check comes naturally step

↓

This guy's a little paunchy, right? You're not. You got a great body.

body

↓

But how are we supposed to see that with this billowy shirt you got on?

shirt supposed

↓

- Pop that thing off. - Whoa. Wait a second, Dee.

second whoa

↓

I can't just pop my shirt off in the middle of a park. You crazy?

crazy middle park shirt

↓

I feel like you're not using your head.

head using

↓

What better way to differentiate you from this fatty

fatty

↓

than by showing off this amazing body you got?

amazing body showing

↓

There is an amazing body under this shirt.

amazing body shirt

↓

- I'm gonna pop the shirt off. - Great, this is what I'm thinking.

shirt thinking

↓

You go over there and put on a fitness clinic for these kids.

clinic fitness kids

↓

Show that you care about their physical body.

body care physical

↓

I would never hurt the kids, but I care about them.

care hurt kids

↓

- Absolutely. - I'm gonna go do that right now.

absolutely

↓

Take a lap. Work those monkey bars.

bars monkey monkey-bars

↓

(children laughing)

children laughing

↓

Hey, fellas. Hi, there. I am working with a program

fellas program working

↓

that assimilates convicted child molesters into your neighborhood.

child convicted neighborhood

↓

Kids, how you doing today? It's a beautiful, sunny day, isn't it?

kids sunny today

↓

Gather around, I want to talk to you kids about physical fitness.

fitness gather kids physical

↓

Now we're not responsible for making sure these people are rehabilitated,

responsible

↓

but this guy's done his time and he deserves a second chance, right?

chance deserves second second-chance

↓

That's him right over there talking to your kids.

kids

↓

Yeah. Nice and high over that bar, so you can work those muscles.

muscles

↓

'Cause you want your muscles to pop, you understand?

muscles

↓

You see how these pecs, they're popping?

pecs popping

↓

Take a real close look at this body. This body is chiseled...

body close real

↓

- You guys have a great day. - Some people aren't very muscular.

muscular

↓

You'll notice the difference. Let me show you another hamstring stretch.

another difference notice stretch

↓

This is a real good one. You're gonna make your legs into a "V".

legs real

↓

Like that. You put your hands together and stretch nice and low.

hands stretch

↓

Don't be afraid to stick your ass out. That's not embarrassing.

afraid embarrassing stick

↓

It's a good thing. Get those hamstrings nice and loose.

loose

↓

- That's a real... - Hey, pervert.

pervert real

↓

Oh, shit.

↓

A dinner party? I don't think so.

dinner dinner-party party

↓

Everybody's gonna be there. My mom, my dad, Charlie.

charlie everybodys

↓

No, Mac. I don't think I'm ever gonna leave this place.

place

↓

Nail clippings on command.

command nail

↓

Massages and hand jobs being thrown around like hotcakes.

hand hand-jobs jobs thrown

↓

This is a party in your honor. We're celebrating your new relationship.

celebrating honor party relationship

↓

Can I bring my bang maid?

bang bring maid

↓

Of course, dude. You can bring anybody you want.

anybody bring course

↓

- Bonnie! - Oh, uh, yes, Frank?

bonnie frank

↓

Stop making lasagna. We're goin' out tonight.

goin lasagna tonight

↓

- Oh. Okay, Frank. - She's in.

frank

↓

All right, I'll see you tonight at 8:00. And the trap is set.

tonight trap

↓

- Sweet, bro. - What the hell are you doing?

sweet

↓

- Siphoning boxed wine. - Why?

boxed wine

↓

Why? Bro, this is the perfect plan, man.

perfect plan

↓

Dude, if we get your dad drunk enough,

drunk

↓

he's gonna be able to see past your mother's looks,

able mothers past

↓

past her skin, all that eczema and shit.

past skin

↓

He's gonna fall in love with her all over again, buddy.

buddy fall love

↓

Now my mom, she gets so belligerent and mean when she's drunk, dude,

drunk

↓

she's gonna drive Frank right back into my arms.

arms drive frank

↓

- Into your arms? - Into my... Into my home.

arms home

↓

Into my futon and my house.

futon house

↓

I'm gonna have Frank back is what I'm trying to say, dude.

frank

↓

Right. Where'd all these jars come from?

jars whered

↓

I emptied out all the tomato sauce.

emptied sauce tomato

↓

Seems to me like it'd be easier to steal the box than jars of liquid.

easier jars liquid seems steal

↓

No. No. The jars are... It's easier... You empty... (scoffs)

easier empty jars scoffs

↓

Where were you 10 minutes ago when I was coming up with this plan?

coming minutes plan

↓

Okay, I helped you. In fact, I'm still helping you.

fact helped helping

↓

I'm giving you ice for your broken face, so you call Mac now.

broken face giving

↓

What are you talking about? You helped me get my ass kicked.

helped kicked

↓

I'm starting to think you did that on purpose.

purpose starting

↓

- What? - Yeah.

↓

Oh, how dare you say it. You call Mac right now.

dare

↓

No. I'm not calling Mac. No. I'm not calling Mac,

calling

↓

because you're not helping me with this molester situation.

helping molester situation

↓

I'm gonna call Mac's dad.

macs

↓

I'm gonna tell him you're available, that you were asking about him.

asking available

↓

Fine, I'll help you. But then right afterwards, you're helping me.

afterwards helping

↓

- Yeah. - Dick.

dick

↓

Yeah.

↓

MAC: Oh, Mom, you're gonna look so good for your date.

date

↓

All right, here we go.

↓

I think that should just about do it.

↓

What do you think? (TV playing, indistinct)

indistinct playing

↓

Can't see the TV.

↓

Right. I was thinking you could lay off the TV, just for an hour.

hour thinking

↓

- Can't see the TV. - Mac, can I talk to you?

↓

Yeah. I'll-I'll be right back, okay?

↓

- Okay, what's up? - Do me a favor.

favor

↓

I'm really in the weeds here, bro.

weeds

↓

I need you to take some of these spaghetti sauce things

sauce spaghetti

↓

with all the wine in them. I need you to, like, empty all...

empty wine

↓

What you talking about? I'm trying to set the right mood in there.

mood

↓

Are you kidding me? I'm the only one in here!

kidding

↓

- I'm the only one cooking! - Is that my problem, Charlie?

charlie cooking problem

↓

- What if we have no ambience? - You have any idea what it takes...

idea takes

↓

- Do you want flat ambience? - Get out of my kitchen!

flat kitchen

↓

- Jesus Christ, Charlie. - This is a disaster!

charlie christ christ-charlie disaster jesus jesus-christ jesus-christ-charlie

↓

This disaster's on your hands, not mine, okay? Whoa! Dad.

hands whoa

↓

- When did you get here? - Shh.

↓

Right. Right. Oh, surprise, Mom. Surprise! Yeah! It's Dad.

surprise

↓

You guys haven't seen each other in so long, huh? It's exciting.

exciting seen

↓

(coughs) Right. Hey, Dad. Dad, doesn't Mom look pretty?

coughs

↓

- No. - Oh, boy. (knocking)

knocking

↓

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Here we go. Our guests have arrived. Oh, sorry.

arrived guests

↓

Almost, uh, touched you again. Okay, guys, you guys ready?

ready touched

↓

All right, you look ready. Let's do it.

ready

↓

It's all happening. Hello. Welcome. Welcome.

welcome welcome-welcome

↓

- You look good. - Thanks.

thanks

↓

- Can I take your coats? - Bonnie, coat. Sit.

bonnie coat coats

↓

- Love you. - Mmm.

love

↓

- Damn, dude. - Harsh, right? I think so too.

harsh

↓

The woman prefers to be treated like shit.

treated woman

↓

I ain't never seen anything like it in my life.

aint life seen

↓

Attention, everybody! Your dinner is served.

attention attention-everybody dinner everybody served

↓

- Ohh! (chuckles) - Pipe down.

chuckles pipe

↓

- This is, uh, delicious, Charlie. - Why, thank you, Mac.

charlie delicious

↓

It's crap. Pure, unadulterated crap.

pure

↓

- Uh, Mother, how's yours? - Um...

mother

↓

It's crap. Pure, unadulterated crap.

pure

↓

I'm not surprised you saying that, considering I took a crap in yours.

considering surprised

↓

No, he didn't. He's joking. He's joking.

joking

↓

Charlie did not crap into anybody's food, okay?

anybodys charlie food

↓

Mother, you might be wanting to have some more of this turkey sangria.

might mother turkey wanting

↓

- Wash that crap down, right? - No. Bonnie.

bonnie wash

↓

- She doesn't want any more. - Shut up, Frank.

frank

↓

You don't know what she wants any more than she knows what you want.

knows wants

↓

You know who knows what you want? I do.

knows

↓

I've always known what you want. And I can give you want you want.

known

↓

Just let me give you what you want.

↓

- I don't think so, Charlie. - Let's change the subject.

change charlie subject

↓

Dad, maybe you want to regale us

↓

with a story from prison or my childhood?

childhood prison story

↓

- Mm-mmm. - Oh, my. You were in prison?

prison

↓

- Yeah. - That's very interesting, Luther.

interesting luther

↓

Now that you and my mother are opening a dialogue here,

dialogue mother opening

↓

have you taken any time out of your dinner to notice her ample breasts?

ample breasts dinner notice taken

↓

- What? - The man's been in prison.

mans prison

↓

He probably needs a woman. What you may or may not have know

needs woman

↓

s my mother is one hell of a whore of a man-stealing woman!

mother stealing whore woman

↓

- Charlie, that's just rude. - What are you doing, Charlie?

charlie rude

↓

It's okay, because my dad already has a woman, Frank.

frank woman

↓

- Uh, you have Mom. - She hates me.

hates

↓

That's not true. That's not true. Mom, you don't hate Dad, do you?

hate

↓

- Oh, yeah. - Damn it.

↓

Mother, I don't know if you know this or not,

mother

↓

but Luther happens to be a very successful drug dealer.

dealer drug drug-dealer happens luther successful

↓

This might also appeal to the whore in you.

appeal might whore

↓

He has beautiful blue eyes that just pop right out of his head.

blue blue-eyes eyes head

↓

- I don't blink. - The man doesn't blink, Mom.

blink

↓

- The man doesn't blink. - Stay away from my bang maid.

bang blink maid

↓

Damn it, Frank! This isn't about them or Mac or anyone else.

frank

↓

This is about you and me, bro. This is about dudes living together,

dudes living

↓

hanging out, sharing their bed and their home and their life...

hanging home life sharing

↓

- No. That's not what this is about! - Yes!

↓

This is about people meeting back up after many years and sparks flying

flying meeting sparks years

↓

and families getting back together and raising little boys

boys families raising

↓

so they can be happy again!

happy

↓

Okay, happy boys! This is about happy boys!

boys happy

↓

Bonnie, I'll call you sometime.

bonnie sometime

↓

- No! - Oh, that's it! That's it!

↓

You've ruined this, and I'll never forgive you.

forgive ruined

↓

- We're out of here. - I will never forgive you.

forgive

↓

Oh, come on. You'll forgive me. Mmm! And the seed is planted.

forgive planted seed

↓

(door closes)

closes door door-closes

↓

(knocking)

knocking

↓

Listen, douche bag. Apparently people think we look alike.

alike apparently douche

↓

- Personally, I don't see it. - Holy shit! No. Yeah, I see that.

holy personally

↓

We got the same eyes, same nose, same lips...

eyes lips nose

↓

- And the chin. - What are you doing?

chin

↓

That's what it is. It's all in here is the same.

↓

- Same jawline and chin... - But look at his whole neck parts.

chin neck parts whole

↓

- Yeah, it's right in here. - Mm-hmm. It's all there.

↓

- What? Who are you here to help? - But look at his...

↓

I have a chiseled, noble... That's not the point.

noble point

↓

The point is you got to leave so I can live my life in peace.

life live peace point

↓

Listen, pal. This is a pretty sweet situation I got going here.

situation sweet

↓

You're out there looking like me taking all my heat

heat looking

↓

while I'm in here watching the Disney channel all day long.

channel disney watching

↓

- Why the hell would I move? - We were afraid it was like that.

afraid

↓

Timmy, could you come out here for a second?

second timmy

↓

Timmy, will you recite for our husky friend here

friend husky recite timmy

↓

the little courtroom speech we prepared?

courtroom prepared speech

↓

I have a friend. His name is Wendell.

friend name wendell

↓

He showed me funny movies with fully naked people in them.

fully funny movies naked showed

↓

He gives me juice boxes that make me sleepy.

boxes gives juice sleepy

↓

- All right, I get it. - He's silly. He's a tickle monster.

monster silly tickle

↓

Listen, kid, I said I get it, okay?

↓

He makes me taste things I don't want to. Puts things in my heinie.

makes taste

↓

Goddamn it! Will you make the kid stop, please? Come on.

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

- I think that ought to do it. - Yeah. That's good, Timmy.

ought timmy

↓

- So you'll leave? - Yeah, I'll leave. (scoffs)

scoffs

↓

(radio) #Lady

lady radio

↓

#When you're with me I'm smiling

smiling

↓

#Give me Whoa-oa-oa, all your love#

love whoa

↓

- So I say that went very well. - Shut up, Charlie.

charlie

↓

Hey, hey, hey. I agree with Charlie.

agree charlie

↓

I thought it was nice. Hey, pull over. Pull over.

pull

↓

- Here? - Yeah, yeah.

↓

What, do you have another name on your correspondence list?

another list name

↓

Yeah. Okay, you two, stay right here. (radio off)

radio

↓

This one shouldn't take long.

↓

Can I talk to you for one second? What the hell's up with that?

hells second

↓

- I don't know. - That's weird.

weird

↓

- He's been weird about the list. - What's this correspondence list?

list weird

↓

Don't know, who are these people? Judge Hatcher.

judge

↓

District Attorney Andrews. Warden Phillips.

attorney district phillips warden

↓

What? I think he's killing those people.

killing

↓

Holy shit! He's killing... He's probably eating them too, dude.

eating holy killing

↓

And although I think eating people is very cool, not if we're involved.

cool eating involved

↓

- Charlie, he's not killing anybody. - We're accomplices.

anybody charlie killing

↓

No, we are not. He told me these are people from his past,

past

↓

and he's got to take care of them. And once he takes care of them,

care takes takes-care

↓

he's gonna take care of me. (both gasping)

care gasping

↓

Oh, my God! That doesn't sound good.

sound

↓

- Doesn't sound good at all for you. - I'm on the list, of course.

course list sound

↓

And then... Uh-oh. Number 12.

number

↓

- What? - Charlie.

charlie

↓

Why am I on there? I don't belong on there!

belong

↓

That's bullshit! You don't put a man on a list! Rip it off!

bullshit list

↓

You think he memorized it? Of course he memorized it. That's pointless.

course memorized pointless

↓

Oh, my God! What's this about? Why am I on the list?

list

↓

- Charlie... - It's the heroin thing.

charlie heroin

↓

Remember when he asked us to put heroin in our butts

asked butts heroin remember

↓

and smuggle it into prison and we didn't do it?

prison smuggle

↓

Now he's all hot and bothered 'cause we don't give him heroin?

bothered heroin

↓

We don't put it in our butts? You don't do that!

butts

↓

You don't eat someone 'cause they don't have heroin in their ass!

heroin

↓

Let's get out of here. (screams)

screams

↓

- Hold on! Calm down, Charlie! - Red to red! Red to red!

calm charlie

↓

- Are you sure it's red to red? - Am I sure it's red to red?

↓

- You hold this one! - Oh, my God! Red to red!

↓

I can do it, right? (screams)

screams

↓

#Lady# CHARLIE: Let's go!

charlie lady

↓

#Of the morning# (screams)

morning screams

↓

(knocking)

knocking

↓

- What can I do you for? - We need to talk.

↓

What is going on in here?

↓

Just laying low and breaking world records.

breaking laying records world

↓

- Don't even think about breathing. - All right, so here's the deal.

breathing deal

↓

Got rid of that child molester. The sexual predator guy?

child child-molester molester predator sexual

↓

He's gone. He's out of the situation so my problems are solved.

gone problems situation solved

↓

- You had a thing too, right? - I want your dad out of the bar.

↓

- Great. Me too. - Really?

↓

I'm pretty sure he wants to kill me, actually.

kill wants

↓

Why would your dad want to kill you?

kill

↓

Not sure. But we've been driving around in your car.

driving

↓

- He's got this list of names. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a second.

list names second whoa whoa-whoa whoa-whoa-whoa

↓

- You've been driving in my car? - Uh, my dad made me steal it.

driving steal

↓

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, dude. - That son of a bitch.

bitch

↓

He's a dangerous man, and I don't want him in the bar anymore.

anymore dangerous

↓

- Are you kidding me? - That's final! Don't argue with me!

argue final kidding

↓

Mac, call the police.

police

↓

(gobbing) Good-bye. Good-bye. Luther!

luther

↓

- I'll wait for you. - Mom, are you okay?

↓

- Are you okay? - Charlie, they're taking him away.

charlie

↓

- They're taking away my Luther. - Mom, I was... Mom! Mom, sorry.

luther

↓

Can you listen to me? Don't ever take Frank from me again!

frank

↓

- He's mine now! I got him back. - What?

↓

- Officer, we know everything. - What are you talking about?

officer

↓

We're the ones that called you. That's my dad you're arresting.

arresting called ones

↓

He's been killing all the people on this list.

killing list

↓

Oh, yeah. We looked into all that already.

looked

↓

He wasn't killing those people.

killing

↓

In fact, everybody on that list spoke very highly of him.

everybody fact highly list spoke

↓

- Spoke highly of him? - What?

highly spoke

↓

Apparently, he was making amends with all the people he wronged.

amends apparently wronged

↓

If he hasn't been killing anybody, why are you arresting him?

anybody arresting killing

↓

Because he violated his parole. He's not supposed to leave the state

parole state supposed violated

↓

and we caught him buying three airline tickets.

airline buying caught three tickets

↓

- To where? - Cooperstown, New York.

york

↓

Said he was gonna take a guy named Mac and a guy named Charlie.

charlie named

↓

- You guys have a good one, huh? - Yeah.

↓

Oh, my God. Dad. Dad!

↓

Dad, you did want to take me to the Hall of Fame.

fame hall

↓

Well, I wanted it to be a surprise.

surprise wanted

↓

It is a surprise. It's a huge surprise, Dad.

huge surprise

↓

I wanted Charlie to know there were no hard feelings about that whole...

charlie feelings hard hard-feelings wanted whole

↓

- You know, heroin thing. - Ohh. Oh, my God, Dad.

heroin

↓

I am so sorry for ratting you out and turning you in.

turning

↓

You weren't gonna kill me. Of course you weren't gonna kill me.

course kill

↓

- I'm your son. (chuckles) - No, I wasn't gonna kill you.

chuckles kill

↓

But I'm going to now.

↓

- Huh? - Yeah.

↓

As soon as I get out, I'm gonna kill you.

kill

↓

See you, Son. See you real soon.

real

↓

(engine starts)

engine engine-starts starts

↓

#Lady

lady

↓

#Of the morning

morning

↓

#Love shines

love shines

↓

#In your eyes

eyes

↓

#Sparkling

sparkling

↓

#Clear and lovely

clear lovely

↓

#You're my lady

lady

↓

#Lady

lady

↓

#Turns me on when I'm lonely

lonely turns

↓

#Show me, whoa-oa-oa#

whoa