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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S05E03 — The Great Recession

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 5, Episode 3 — The Great Recession

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: The Great Recession

Air date: October 01, 2009

Director: Fred Savage

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

With a shantytown taking shape outside, Mac and Dennis try to keep Paddy's going in tough times. Meanwhile, Frank and Dee start a family business.

Source: TMDB

↓

Well, this is an interesting development.

development interesting

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This is not good. You think maybe he's just vacationing?

↓

No. Charlie, there's blocks in front and in back of his tires. He's not going anywhere.

blocks charlie front tires

↓

Yeah. This guy's planted himself here.

planted

↓

And I tell you what, once all the other R. V. Folks see what this R.V. guy is doing,

folks

↓

they're gonna start parking their R. V.'s on our street. Shit.

parking start street

↓

We're gonna be staring down the barrel of a shantytown situation.

barrel situation staring

↓

Oh, my God. Who just takes their vehicle and parks in someone's, you know, street...

parks someones street takes vehicle

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and says, "This is my street. I'm gonna live here now 'cause I'm poor"?

live poor street

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I'll tell you who. New poor. What?

poor

↓

Ever since the recession hit, waves of new people are suddenly broke.

broke recession suddenly waves

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These people have no idea how to live without money.

idea live money

↓

They're what's called "new poor." We're old poor.

called poor

↓

Yeah, they could stand to learn a lesson or two from us,

learn lesson stand

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because we would never take our homelessness and shove it down everybody's face.

everybodys face shove

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Have some class if you're gonna be poor!

class poor

↓

All right. Let's get this guy out of here, send him a message.

message send

↓

Let's do it. Right. Let's slash his tires.

slash tires

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Well, not that though, because then he can't leave. That doesn't make any sense.

sense

↓

Well, you start putting plans under microscopes, nothing's gonna make sense, all right?

nothings plans putting sense start

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Lots of things make sense. Slashing someone's tires so that they leave makes no sense.

lots makes sense someones tires

↓

You gonna put everything I say under a microscope, bud? It's a stupid idea, Charlie.

charlie idea stupid stupid-idea

↓

I'm sorry. You have a better plan?

plan

↓

Dee! Sharpest item in the bar! I need it now! Let's go!

item

↓

Whoa. What the hell's going on over here?

hells whoa

↓

Oh, Frank's trying to kill himself.

franks kill

↓

Is he all right? Frank, are you all right?

frank

↓

Don't try to stop me. Oh, my God.

↓

- Oh, so he's alive. - I lost all my money in a Ponzi scheme, Charlie. I'm broke!

alive broke charlie lost money scheme

↓

His neck is so thick,

neck thick

↓

I feel like he's just gonna swing and dangle around for a really long time.

dangle swing

↓

That's what it is! Let's cut him down.

↓

Frank, it's not gonna work for you. Your neck's too thick, buddy.

buddy frank necks thick

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- Tie a chair to me. - Times are tough, huh?

chair times tough

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Shit.

↓

This is terrible.

↓

What? What are you talking about? What is terrible?

↓

If you're looking for a better steak in an arcade setting, you are shit out of luck.

arcade looking luck setting steak

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I'm talking about eating out all the time. It's a business expense, Frank.

business eating expense frank

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It's only fair that the upper management of the bar get together to talk shop...

fair management shop upper

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over top-notch steak and some video games.

games notch steak video video-games

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You two have no idea how serious this is. I can't bail you out anymore!

anymore bail idea serious

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Maybe we should take this time to streamline Paddy's,

paddys

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make it run as efficiently as the government.

government

↓

Mmm! Yeah. Cut out the steak dinners.

dinners steak

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We're not cutting out the steak dinners, so just hold your horses on that one.

cutting dinners horses steak

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If anything, we should be talking about bonuses. Let's talk bonuses. Good idea.

bonuses idea

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Bonuses? Yeah!

bonuses

↓

You run the business into the ground, and you want bonuses?

bonuses business ground

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Frank, don't be a moron. You start cutting bonuses, you're gonna lose your top guys.

bonuses cutting frank lose moron start

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You gotta separate the wheat from the chaff somehow. Yeah.

chaff separate wheat

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These dudes are all chaff. Right? Yeah- Well, no. We're all wheat.

chaff dudes wheat

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No, we're chaff. No, we're not. We're- We're wheat.

chaff wheat

↓

Why would you want to be wheat? Why would you ever want to be chaff?

chaff wheat

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Well, who wants to be- Okay, I'll be chaff, you be wheat.

chaff wants wheat

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You two idiots have no business sense whatsoever!

business idiots sense whatsoever

↓

We have no business sense? He's the one dangling from a noose 10 minutes ago.

business minutes sense

↓

That's a good point.

point

↓

Let's start streamlining right now. Frank, you're out. You're fired.

fired frank start

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Oh! You just got squeezed out, bitch!

bitch squeezed

↓

Oh, I'm squeezed out? Uh-huh.

squeezed

↓

Well, let's see how far you two idiots get...

idiots

↓

without Frank Reynolds bailing you out every five minutes!

bailing five five-minutes frank frank-reynolds minutes reynolds

↓

- I'm outta here! - I'm comfortable being chaff if you want to be wheat.

chaff comfortable outta wheat

↓

Okay, man, whatever.

↓

You're firing us?

firing

↓

Well, first we're gonna give you the opportunity to defend your jobs.

defend jobs opportunity

↓

- Really? - Yeah.

↓

All right. I appreciate the opportunity, fellas.

appreciate fellas opportunity

↓

- I'm on it! Whoo! - Good. Show us what you do around here, Charlie.

charlie whoo

↓

- Hoo-woo-woo-woo! - Oh, come on! This is bullshit!

bullshit

↓

I shouldn't have to defend my job to you!

defend

↓

Dee, we don't know what it is that you do around here. You don't seem to do anything.

↓

Me? Come on! I do a shitload!

shitload

↓

Why don't you make us a drink?

drink

↓

Fine. I'll crack you open a beer.

beer crack open

↓

No, no, no. Not a beer.

beer

↓

Something you have to mix.

↓

But this bottle is cold-activated.

activated bottle cold

↓

I mean, look at it. Doesn't that look delicious?

delicious

↓

It does look delicious, but mix me a drink.

delicious drink

↓

But the mountains, they've turned blue. Mojito me, please.

blue mojito mountains turned

↓

A refreshing mojito would do. Nobody orders a mojito in this bar.

mojito nobody orders refreshing

↓

So you can't make a mojito? Of course I can make a mojito!

course mojito

↓

Then make one. Fine! One mojito coming up, gentlemen.

coming gentlemen mojito

↓

I quit.

quit

↓

Goddamn it! Shit!

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

I was really looking forward to firing her. Me too.

firing forward looking looking-forward

↓

Okay, boys, let's talk rat traps, okay?

boys traps

↓

Huh? I need money.

money

↓

Huh? The guys were being total knobs, so I quit.

quit total

↓

Also, you're really behind on my rent and they're threatening to evict me, so... money.

behind money rent threatening

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What part of "I am broke" don't you guys understand?

broke part

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I tried to hang myself. No more bailouts!

hang tried

↓

Well, what am I supposed to do? Not my problemo.

problemo supposed

↓

What's with the briefcase?

briefcase

↓

I'm gonna start a new business.

business start

↓

I created an empire before, and I can do it again.

created empire

↓

Huh. You are really good at making money. Okay, I'm in.

money

↓

What are you talking about? What value are you to me?

value

↓

I'm desperate, so I'll do anything.

desperate

↓

Okay, that's good. Are you willing to destroy your credit?

credit destroy willing

↓

It's never really been a problem before. That's good. Hold that.

problem

↓

We're gonna take out a big loan in your name and get an office. Great.

loan name office

↓

Okay, let's go.

↓

All right, that's the rainwater barrels.

barrels

↓

Now let's talk about the trash. What do I do with the trash? How do I dispose of the trash?

dispose trash

↓

I don't know. We disposed of the trash in the Dumpster last night.

dumpster night trash

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What are you doing with it? I am taking it to the furnace.

furnace

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- We have a furnace? - Absolutely. Where do you think the heat comes from?

absolutely comes furnace heat

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You burn the trash in the furnace? This bar runs on trash.

burn furnace runs trash

↓

This bar is totally green that way.

green

↓

How is burning trash green?

burning green trash

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Uh, because I'm recycling the trash into heat for the bar.

heat recycling trash

↓

And lots of smoke for the bar. I'm giving the bar the good smoky smell that we all like.

giving lots smell smoke smoky

↓

The bar smells like trash.

smells trash

↓

That's the exact opposite of green, Charlie.

charlie exact exact-opposite green opposite

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Oh, I'm sorry.

↓

Well, I could put the trash into a landfill where it's gonna stay for millions of years,

millions trash years

↓

or I could burn it up and get a nice, smoky smell in here...

burn smell smoky

↓

and let that smoke go into the sky where it turns into stars.

smoke stars turns

↓

That doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough about stars to dispute it.

sound stars

↓

It's right. No, it's not right. All right, are we almost done?

↓

No, we're not done. I got one more piece of business. What is it?

business piece

↓

Lastly, before I open the bar in the morning,

morning open

↓

I always make sure to turn on the Coors sign,

coors sign

↓

let people know we got iced delicious Coors in the bar, you know,

coors delicious iced

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and then, uh, that's the last thing I do.

↓

Ol' Charlie's done a lot of work around here.

charlies

↓

Charlie, that sign does not say "Coors." Eh?

charlie coors sign

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Goddamn it. Come outside! Come outside! Come outside!

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

Goddamn it. Come outside.

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

Closed! It says "closed," Charlie!

charlie closed

↓

Okay. Yeah, right. I can see that now.

↓

But, you know, you can't really read it from the inside.

read

↓

You can't read it from the outside!

read

↓

You know what? Forget it. I can read it!

forget read

↓

Are we done with this? Have we gone through everything?

gone

↓

Well, that was the last thing that I do, sure. Okay, great. You're fired!

fired

↓

No, come on. You're not firing me.

firing

↓

Yeah. Yeah. No way!

↓

Oh, I'm sorry! Oh, really?

↓

So you're gonna throw all the trash in the furnace yourselves.

furnace throw trash yourselves

↓

And you're gonna filter the rainwater barrel all by yourselves.

barrel filter yourselves

↓

And I suppose you're gonna fiddle with the electricity every day all by yourselves...

electricity fiddle suppose yourselves

↓

and siphon it from all around the neighborhood.

neighborhood

↓

No. We're gonna call a trash man, an electrician, and a plumber...

electrician plumber trash

↓

and not turn the closed sign on when the bar is open!

closed open sign

↓

No, God! What is this?

↓

Are you kidding me? This is what I was talking about.

kidding

↓

We are gonna have a shantytown here in no time.

↓

Shit! Goddamn it!

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

Honey, I'm home!

home honey

↓

Feast your eyes on the new headquarters of Reynolds and Reynolds.

eyes feast headquarters reynolds

↓

Frank and I are starting a business.

business frank starting

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We sublet our apartments. We're living in here.

apartments living

↓

- Wait a second. You subletted our apartment? - Yeah.

apartment second

↓

Well, what the hell, dude? I don't know if I can live in a trailer, man.

live trailer

↓

You don't have to, Charlie. It's kinda tight in there already.

charlie kinda tight

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Well, hang on a second, bro. We're good in tight spaces. I'll make it work.

hang second spaces tight

↓

I'm sorry, Charlie. What do you mean, you're sorry?

charlie

↓

There's no room at the inn. You kidding me, dude? You kidding me?

kidding room

↓

Unbelievable! So now I'm reduced to sleeping in the bar! Oh, hell no!

reduced sleeping unbelievable

↓

No, no, no. You're not gonna be sleeping in the bar.

sleeping

↓

Where am I gonna live? On the streets? It's a recession.

live recession streets

↓

Times are tough. Yeah. You'll bounce back, buddy.

bounce buddy times tough

↓

Aw, come on, man. Can I at least live with you guys?

least live

↓

We're not in the business of giving out handouts, Charlie. We're not the government.

business charlie giving government

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Frankly, I'm a little embarrassed that you would ask. Yeah, it's a little gauche.

embarrassed frankly

↓

You guys are boning me, man.

↓

I tell you what, why don't you and I hit D&B's and talk bonuses?

bonuses

↓

Yeah. All right. Dennis, why don't you go ahead and lock that door.

ahead dennis door go-ahead lock

↓

You don't have to lock the door.

door lock

↓

Go ahead and lock him out. Keep out the riffraff.

ahead go-ahead lock

↓

You don't have to lock the door. You don't have to add insult to injury. I'm gonna be fine.

door injury insult lock

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That's locked? Yeah.

locked

↓

- I got plenty of places to go. - No, you don't!

places plenty

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Okay, Frank, tell me about this business scheme you're cooking up.

business cooking frank scheme

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Give me your shoe. My shoe?

shoe

↓

Hand over your shoe. All right.

hand shoe

↓

Observe.

observe

↓

Wait. No, no, no- Oh- Aw, come on, man!

↓

That's a $200 shoe!

shoe

↓

Look at that. What are you doing?

↓

Feast your eyes on your new business.

business eyes feast

↓

Knives.

knives

↓

You want me to sell knives door-to-door? No. You're selling vacuums.

door knives sell selling

↓

I'm sorry. I took out a high-interest loan...

interest loan

↓

to invest in a door-to-door knife and vacuum-selling business?

business door invest knife selling vacuum

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Not just any vacuum. This is wet vac.

vacuum

↓

Commercial power for the home.

commercial home power

↓

This'll get a red wine stain out of anything. Look.

stain thisll wine

↓

Oh, goddamn it!

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

Check it out, Deandra.

check deandra

↓

All right, this baby is powerful!

baby powerful

↓

Now, cover your ears because it has no muffler!

cover ears

↓

Oh!

↓

Ah! Oh, that's good merlot.

↓

Yeah. That's good merlot. You're gonna want to keep those coming.

coming

↓

It might be cheaper if youse went with a bottle of wine...

bottle cheaper might wine youse

↓

instead of chugging the individual glasses.

chugging glasses individual

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Mmm. Yeah, maybe leave the judgment back in the kitchen 'cause...

judgment kitchen

↓

There's a little bit of a look of judgment on your face. Just go grab them and...

face grab judgment

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Okay, no problem. All right. Okay. Thank you.

problem

↓

Great! Oh, she's terrific.

terrific

↓

I like her. Yeah, she's a cutie. All right, listen, Mac.

cutie

↓

I did bring you here for a specific reason, okay? Hmm?

bring reason specific

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I got an idea for a stimulus plan for the bar that's gonna blow your freakin' mind.

blow freakin idea mind plan

↓

Stimulus plan? A stimulus plan. You want to hear it?

plan

↓

Lay it on me, bro. Take a look around you right now.

↓

Now, at a time where businesses are simply failing left and right, who's thriving?

businesses failing left simply thriving

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Dave & Buster's. Dave & Buster's is thriving. Why do you think that is?

busters dave dave-busters thriving

↓

I don't know. Video games? Video games are definitely a big part of it.

games part video video-games

↓

I want you to do me a favor. Break down for me what I'm holding in my hand right now.

break favor hand holding

↓

Ah, that is a Dave & Buster's Power Card.

busters card dave dave-busters power

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Yes. Now, does your Dave & Buster's card work at any other similar establishments?

busters card dave dave-busters similar

↓

Like, say, a T.G.I. Fridays?

fridays

↓

Mine does not, and believe me, I've tried at several locations. No, it doesn't.

believe several tried

↓

Yeah, 'cause I've actually been with you on many of those occasions where you've tried.

occasions tried

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Right. I don't think I've tried it enough. I think you have.

tried

↓

Because clearly, at this point, you should've realized that it doesn't work anywhere else.

point realized shouldve

↓

There's one in Franklin Mills I haven't tried. I feel like that could maybe work.

franklin mills tried

↓

It's not gonna work there either. Let's move past that. I'm trying to make a point here.

past point

↓

When you come to Dave & Buster's you spend your real money,

busters dave dave-busters money real spend

↓

but you leave with Dave & Buster's money.

busters dave dave-busters money

↓

That gives you incentive to come back to Dave & Buster's...

busters dave dave-busters gives incentive

↓

'cause it's the only place where your money works.

money place works

↓

I think that's brilliant. Maybe we should take a page out of D&B's book.

book brilliant page

↓

And try the card at the Friday's out in the northeast...

card fridays northeast

↓

No, you son of a bitch. We're way past that at this point.

bitch past point

↓

I don't understand why you can't grasp that point.

grasp point

↓

It doesn't work anywhere else. It's only gonna work here.

↓

All right. I'm- I'm getting all worked up. Okay? This is- Let's...

worked

↓

I'm proposing that we print our own currency, okay?

print proposing

↓

Make our own money? Yes!

money

↓

We call it Paddy's Dollars. Now we distribute that out to people for free initially.

distribute dollars free paddys paddys-dollars

↓

Then they become customers, and then they bring in new customers.

become bring customers

↓

And then once they're in, they have to use real dollars to buy Paddy's Dollars.

dollars paddys paddys-dollars real

↓

That's exactly right, and that stimulates our own internal economy.

economy internal

↓

Yeah, yeah, dude! That's a great plan! Then afterwards, we'll go out to Fox Chase...

afterwards chase plan

↓

and use the Power Card at that Friday's out there.

card fridays power

↓

Yeah, yeah, yeah! No, we won't. You can though.

↓

Look, Mom, um, I've kinda come on some hard times...

hard hard-times kinda times

↓

with the economy and everything.

economy

↓

I got no place to go and everything, so...

place

↓

I was figuring maybe I should move back into my old room for a little while...

figuring room

↓

till I get back up on my feet.

feet till

↓

Mmm, well, I don't think that's gonna work out, Charlie.

charlie

↓

Why not? I had to sublet your room to Uncle Jack.

jack room uncle uncle-jack

↓

Is that why he's here?

↓

Hey, Charlie. Times are tough.

charlie times tough

↓

And the economy is so bad...

economy

↓

I needed to get more money in in order to make the house payments.

house money needed order payments

↓

What are you talking about? You don't make house payments.

house payments

↓

You own this house. You've owned it for years. Mom, that's crazy.

crazy house owned years

↓

- You collect Social Security. - I need money.

collect money security social

↓

You can share the room with me, Charlie.

charlie room share

↓

That's a great idea!

idea

↓

- That is not a great idea. - Well, why not?

idea

↓

It'll be fun.

fun itll

↓

You know, you and me palling around, getting nuts,

nuts palling

↓

doing crazy, fun things.

crazy fun

↓

I'm not doing any kind of things that you want me to do with you, Uncle Jack.

jack uncle uncle-jack

↓

No, it's- it's stuff that relatives do.

relatives stuff

↓

- We'll share the room, Charlie. - I don't want to share the room with you, dude, because I...

charlie room share

↓

I will spend the whole night wide awake like when I was a kid and you tried to share my room.

awake night room share spend tried whole whole-night wide

↓

You ever seen wrestling on television?

seen television wrestling

↓

I am well aware of what wrestling is.

aware wrestling

↓

It's just not what uncles do to their nephews.

nephews uncles

↓

I'm out of here.

↓

Hey, I'll call you later. I know you will.

↓

Just grab any knife?

grab knife

↓

Just the sharpest one in the kitchen.

kitchen

↓

All right, now when I cut through the shoe and make the sale,

sale shoe

↓

you suggest casually that we have a drink to celebrate. Right.

casually celebrate drink suggest

↓

And? Then I drop a little wine on the carpet,

carpet drop wine

↓

grab the wet vac, and then call it a deal, whatever. Zing-o.

deal grab zing

↓

This is the best knife I own.

best knife

↓

Oh. Oh. All right. Mmm.

↓

Well, if that's the best you have...

best

↓

All right, now pretend that this shoe is an unboned chicken...

chicken pretend shoe

↓

and you're gonna cook it tonight and make a tasty dinner...

cook dinner tasty tonight

↓

that's gonna smell all through the house like cooked chicken.

chicken cooked house smell

↓

Actually, I'm vegan. Okay.

vegan

↓

Then pretend this shoe is whatever you people eat.

pretend shoe

↓

Maybe it is a shoe. Nice one.

shoe

↓

Watch the way your knife cuts.

cuts knife watch

↓

Mmm. Oh, it's just flopping around. Oh, shoot. I-It, you know, doesn't...

shoot

↓

Shit's not even making a dent in the leather.

leather shits

↓

This knife is a piece of crap. Mm-hmm.

knife piece

↓

Oh. Now take a look at our knife.

knife

↓

Beautiful pressed steel... Oh.

pressed steel

↓

With a nice, razor-sharp edge.

edge razor sharp

↓

Watch the way this knife blasts through this shoe with one motion.

knife motion shoe watch

↓

Uh-huh. Owww!

owww

↓

Ohh! Ohh! Is this part of the whole thing?

part whole

↓

Oh, I cut myself! Ohh! It's a deep cut!

deep

↓

Ohh! Ohh! I see your bones!

bones

↓

- It's a deep cut! - I'll get you a towel! I'll get you a towel!

deep towel

↓

- Oh, Frank! - It's okay. It's all right. I got Band-Aids in my bag.

aids band band-aids frank

↓

I just- I need your bathroom, that's all.

bathroom

↓

Okay. All right. I'll just get my bag. Okay.

↓

Ohh! Okay. But...

↓

Eew. Is he gonna be okay, 'cause...

↓

Yeah. Yeah, no, no. He's gonna be fine, Beth. Don't worry.

beth worry

↓

I tell you what- Why don't you and I have a glass of wine.

glass wine

↓

Just bring it down a little bit, huh? I don't drink in the morning.

bring drink morning

↓

Yeah, me neither. Oh, uh...

↓

Oh, shoot! Oh!

shoot

↓

Oh, I'm missing it! Hey!

missing

↓

Oh, no! You're doing that on purpose!

purpose

↓

I'm trying to prove a point here, Beth, okay? Hmm? I- I don't...

beth point prove

↓

I'm gonna...

↓

Okay, I- Yeah. Oh, boy.

↓

Goddamn it!

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

- These Paddy's Dollars look great, bro. - Yeah!

dollars paddys paddys-dollars

↓

I'm really glad we went with the color. They pop! Oh, yeah.

color glad

↓

Little bit more expensive than I would've thought. But that's worth it though.

expensive worth wouldve

↓

That's an old-poor move.

poor

↓

You take your money and put it into something worth it, you're not tacky.

money tacky worth

↓

See, by transferring all of our cash into these Paddy's Dollars...

cash dollars paddys paddys-dollars transferring

↓

and then printing more of these babies than we ever had in cash, we've upped our value.

babies cash printing value

↓

Shit!

↓

Oh, goddamn it. Look.

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

Full-blown shantytown. We're screwed.

blown full full-blown screwed

↓

Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, dude.

minute

↓

There could be some real opportunity in this.

opportunity real

↓

Yeah? Yeah, man. Think about this, dude.

↓

In recession times, what thrives more than anything else?

recession times

↓

Prostitutes. No- Well, yeah, that. But that and bars.

bars prostitutes

↓

Oh, and bars! Well, yeah! Right, because people gotta drown their sorrows.

bars drown

↓

Get drunk! We own a bar!

drunk

↓

Yeah! So why don't we take these Paddy's Dollars...

dollars paddys paddys-dollars

↓

and just distribute them amongst the shanties?

amongst distribute

↓

That way- Right. They buy the booze from us with the dollars.

booze dollars

↓

Right. They run out of booze, then they gotta buy more Paddy's Dollars from us.

booze dollars paddys paddys-dollars

↓

Thus creating the self-sustaining economy we've been looking for.

creating economy looking self self-sustaining sustaining

↓

It stimulates our economy.

economy

↓

That's what Dave & Buster's does. Give me one up here.

busters dave dave-busters

↓

Boom. Boom!

boom boom-boom

↓

Who wants some free money, shanties?

free money wants

↓

When people stop buying vacuum cleaners and knives door-to-door,

buying cleaners door knives vacuum

↓

it can mean only one thing, Deandra.

deandra

↓

That you blew all of my money on a very stupid idea? No!

blew idea money stupid stupid-idea

↓

Good-bye, recession, hello, depression.

depression recession

↓

You're very lucky that you're with somebody as resilient as Frank Reynolds.

frank frank-reynolds lucky reynolds somebody

↓

You've tried to off yourself two times in the last 24 hours, Frank!

frank hours times tried

↓

Listen, this business partner of mine called. He's got a great plan.

business business-partner called partner plan

↓

This is the man who's gonna make us rich.

rich

↓

This is the man? Yes.

↓

This man lives in a cardboard box! Times is tough.

cardboard lives times tough

↓

Goddamn it. Yo!

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

Hey!

↓

Thanks for getting down here so quick.

quick thanks

↓

It's Charlie? Hey, Charlie!

charlie

↓

Charlie is your new business partner?

business business-partner charlie partner

↓

Yeah. Well, what do you want? We're good in tight spots.

spots tight

↓

That's right. All right. You ready to do this? You got it.

ready

↓

Okay, let's go! Let's go! You're the man with the plan.

plan

↓

Deandra, this is gonna work.

deandra

↓

There we go. Look at that.

↓

- Feast your eyes. - Here we go!

eyes feast

↓

What the hell is that?

↓

These are crabs! Fresh, local Delaware runoff crabs.

crabs delaware fresh local

↓

Those don't look anything like crabs.

crabs

↓

Huh? Yeah, well- They look like sea scorpions.

↓

Isn’t there some kind of, like, sewage runoff around here?

sewage

↓

Yeah, there's a pretty bad sewage runoff, but, you know, crabs is sewage-proof!

crabs proof sewage

↓

And depression proof. People gotta eat.

depression proof

↓

We're gonna sell these on the street.

sell street

↓

- We're crab people now. - Crab people.

crab

↓

We're crab people now? Yes!

crab

↓

You want us to become crab people?

become crab

↓

That's your new business plan? Yeah...

business plan

↓

Yeah. I'm getting a call.

↓

We'll live and die by the crab, Dee!

crab live

↓

We'll eat off the fat of the sea.

↓

Help me toss some of these babies back, 'cause legally we're not allowed to eat those.

allowed babies legally toss

↓

Oh, thank you very much! Thank you. Great news!

news

↓

Let's go! Forget the crabs! Okay.

crabs forget

↓

- Nice doing business with you. - All right, shanty!

business

↓

Enjoy it! All right. Enjoy yourselves.

enjoy yourselves

↓

Boom! Okay.

boom

↓

Hey! We did it.

↓

I think we made every single one of our Paddy's Dollars back.

dollars paddys paddys-dollars single

↓

You're damn right. Thus creating the self-sustaining economy we've been looking for.

creating economy looking self self-sustaining sustaining

↓

That's right. How much fresh cash did we make?

cash fresh

↓

Fresh cash? Yes.

cash fresh

↓

Uh, well, zero. Zero, if you're talking about U.S. currency.

zero zero-zero

↓

People didn't really seem interested in spending any of that.

interested spending

↓

That's okay.

↓

So when they run out of the booze,

booze

↓

they'll come back in and they'll have to buy more Paddy's Dollars.

dollars paddys paddys-dollars

↓

Right. That is assuming, of course, that they will come back here and drink.

assuming course drink

↓

They will because we'll redistribute these to the shanties,

↓

thus ensuring them coming back in, keeping the money moving.

coming keeping money moving

↓

Well, no, if we just redistribute these, then people will continue to drink for free.

continue drink free

↓

Okay. How does this work, Mac?

↓

The money keeps moving in a circle.

circle keeps money moving

↓

But- But we don't have any money. All we have is this.

money

↓

How does this work, dude? I don't know. I thought you knew.

↓

I thought you- What? I thought you were on top of this!

↓

You're the one that came up with the plan! Did I come up with this plan?

plan

↓

Last night, dude, with the D&B Power Card and the- Oh, I blacked out that night.

blacked card night power

↓

Shit, dude! I've been following your lead! Oh, Jesus.

following jesus lead

↓

Oh, shit. Okay, so we have no money and no inventory.

inventory money

↓

There's still something we can do. That's still a business somehow.

business

↓

How does D&B's do it? They've got a complicated system. I cannot begin to understand it.

begin cannot complicated system

↓

How does a self-sustaining economy work?

economy self self-sustaining sustaining

↓

I don't understand how the U.S. economy works, much less some sort of a self-sustaining one.

economy less self self-sustaining sustaining works

↓

I don't understand how finances work.

finances

↓

Shots for everybody!

everybody shots

↓

The government is reimbursing me all the money I lost!

government lost money

↓

I love this country! Baby, I'm back!

baby country love

↓

Wait, you got a bailout? Yeah, you know it, pal!

↓

Can you bail us out, Frank? Because we're kind of screwed here.

bail frank screwed

↓

I'll tell you what. Let's discuss it over steaks and Skee-Ball.

ball discuss steaks

↓

Oh!

↓

Hey, bailouts all around! U.S.A.!

↓

U.S.A.! U.S.A.! I love this country!

country love

↓

Crab meat! Crab meat! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

crab meat

↓

- Crab meat! - Crab meat!

crab meat

↓

Uh, you guys don't think that you're going to Dave & Buster's, do you?

busters dave dave-busters

↓

Uh- What?

↓

ENGLISH - US -PSDH

english psdh