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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S05E04 — The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 5, Episode 4 — The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention

TMDB episode metadata
Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Episode title: The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention
Air date: October 08, 2009
Director: Fred Savage
Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito
Frank's behavior is more bizarre than usual---so bizarre that even the gang notice---so they decide to stage an intervention.
Source: TMDB
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Hey, come on, man. Be careful, man. You're spilling on the floor.
carefulfloorspilling
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I don't understand why you don't just use a cup.
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I'm trying to be inconspicuous. Inconspicu...
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Your entire mouth is stained red, Frank. It is?
entirefrankmouthstained
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Yeah. Aren't we gonna be at the barbecue soon?
barbecue
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Yeah. I'm pregaming, man. What's going on with you? You're going off the deep end lately.
deeplately
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I feel like he's been wading around in the deep end for a while.
deep
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No, bro, it's different. He's staying out all hours of the night.
hoursnightstaying
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I never see him. If he is around, he's usually not even wearing clothes.
clothesusuallywearingwearing-clothes
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I'm wearing clothes now, bitch.
bitchclotheswearingwearing-clothes
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You're wearing a shirt that's on inside out and it's covered in grease.
coveredgreaseshirtwearing
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Yeah, you're really greasy. It's not grease. It's sap.
greasegreasy
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- Sap? How did you get covered in sap? - I got really wasted.
coveredwasted
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- I must've climbed a tree. - You're really stepping up the insanity, huh?
climbedinsanitymustvesteppingtree
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I'm trying to push myself. I want to see how far I could go.
push
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I feel like you've been standing on the edge of a cliff for a while now.
cliffedgestanding
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I say hop off. Let's see where you land.
land
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I really wish you wouldn't encourage him, man. I really wish you wouldn't.
encouragewish
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If somebody wants to push his boundaries, you gotta let him. Frank, jump.
boundariesfrankjumppushsomebodywants
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I never felt more alive in my life.
alivelife
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Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure. There's the street, right there.
street
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What the hell?
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I thought we were going to a barbecue, Frank.
barbecuefrank
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It's more of a party in the park. We're at a cemetery.
cemeteryparkparty
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The party is in the cemetery.
cemeteryparty
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- Who has a party in a cemetery? - Your Uncle Max.
cemeterypartyuncle
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He just croaked.
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Flush that turd down the drain!
drainflushturd
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Does anybody else feel really uncomfortable?
anybodyuncomfortable
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Yes. We're completely underdressed. It's embarrassing.
completelyembarrassing
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What are we doing here, Frank? What's your angle? I wanna bang your Aunt Donna.
angleauntbangdonnafrank
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Why would you wanna bang our mom's sister...
bangmomssister
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at the funeral of her husband?
funeralhusband
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Hmm. Well, I don't know how many years on this earth I got left.
earthleftyears
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I'm gonna get real weird with it.
realweird
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Meanwhile, block the wind. I'm gonna roast this bone.
blockbonemeanwhileroastwind
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Okay. Jesus Christ.
christjesusjesus-christ
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Come on. Get in there. What are you doing?
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That is enough. I've had enough. He's definitely reached his limit.
limitreached
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I've reached my limit, that's for sure.
limitreached
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Dude, this is what I was talking about in the car.
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The guy is going off the deep end, all right?
deep
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Now it's starting to affect our lives. Yeah.
affectlivesstarting
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And I think maybe we should have an intervention or something.
intervention
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An intervention might be a good idea.
ideainterventionmight
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If he starts banging Aunt Donna, we're gonna have the garbage pail cousin in the mix.
auntbangingcousindonnagarbagegarbage-pailpailstarts
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No! No!
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Whoa. Who is the garbage pail cousin?
cousingarbagegarbage-pailpailwhoa
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Gail the Snail is the garbage pail cousin.
cousingailgarbagegarbage-pailpailsnail
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Oh, Charlie, she is the worst.
charlieworst
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We'd have these family parties and she'd just glob onto me and Dennis.
dennisfamilypartiesshed
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We couldn't get rid of her. The only way was to torture her.
torture
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And that's what we did. Yeah. We'd throw her in the dryer.
dryerthrow
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We'd throw salt on her. Yeah, we'd throw salt on her 'cause she was the snail.
saltsnailthrow
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Mm-hmm. Get it? Get it? You throw salt on a snail, and...
saltsnailthrow
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It shrivels her up. It's supposed to shrivel up.
supposed
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Well, that sounds a little messed up though, huh?
messedsounds
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You don't think we're proud of that, do you? No.
proud
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But you don't understand. That's the only way you can handle her.
handle
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She made us do those things. And quite frankly, I resent her for it.
franklyresent
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What kind of a person salts another human being? It's terrible.
anotheranother-humanhumanpersonsalts
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There's no joy in salting someone. Everyone loses. Yeah.
loses
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It sounds like a- What's up, suckers?
soundssuckers
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Hey, Gail. Hey, Gail.
gail
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You look different. I'm more confident. I've grown into my body.
bodyconfidentgrown
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You're sure showing a lot of skin, huh?
showingskin
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Jealous? I'm a woman now. I'm not a virgin anymore.
anymorejealousvirginwoman
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Cool. Thank you. Okay.
cool
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Hey, guys, you wanna come to my car and take a puff?
puff
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I got some medical marijuana.
marijuanamedical
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- We're at your dad's funeral, Gail. - What evs. I'm over it.
dadsfuneralgail
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Plus, if we all showed up super high at the reception,
plusreceptionshowedsuper
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everyone would be like, "What?"
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Uh- Uh- Okay. Come on.
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Whatever, Gail. Yes, we'll do that.
gail
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Wait in the car and we'll join you. We'll come get you.
join
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- You guys gonna come? - We'll come in a second.
second
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- Like five minutes? - Five minutes. - Anything. Yes.
fivefive-minutesminutes
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Anything. Whatever you say.
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See, this is what happens when you don't have salt.
happenssalt
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My God. There's not enough salt in the world for her.
saltworld
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The garbage pail cousin.
cousingarbagegarbage-pailpail
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Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna. Hello, Frank.
donnadonna-donnafrank
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You surprised to see me? No.
surprised
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Ooh. You left several voice mails...
leftmailsseveralvoice
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congratulating me on my husband's death. Well, I was pretty baked.
bakeddeathhusbands
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What do you want? I have a proposition for you.
proposition
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I think you and me ought to bang.
bangought
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What? Okay. Hear me out.
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Max never liked me. I hated him.
hatedliked
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Barbara didn't like you. You despised her.
barbara
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Now, what better way to get back at them in the grave,
grave
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really stick it to 'em, if you and me plowed?
stick
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I mean, really- Hmm?
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You get back to me.
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Hey. I'm Mac.
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Barbara's ex-lover.
lover
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She may have mentioned...
mentioned
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You were gonna say something? No.
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You said- No? No. I was just breathing.
breathing
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I'll start by commending you guys...
start
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for taking the initiative to help Frank.
frankinitiative
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Ah, we're caring people. That's our nature.
caringnature
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Um, what's Frank struggling with the most right now?
frankstruggling
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Ooh. Ah, he is trying to bang our aunt. That's the big one.
auntbang
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Uh, these things deal more with drug and alcohol abuse. Mm-hmm.
abusealcoholdealdrug
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Drugs and alcohol are rolled into what we're talking about here...
alcoholdrugsrolled
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Oh, yeah. With the aunt thing.
aunt
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So he does have a drinking problem.
drinkingdrinking-problemproblem
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Oh, big time. Big time. Oh, lady.
lady
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But if I'm being honest, my problem's less with the fact...
facthonestlessproblems
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that he's drinking and more that he's doing it without me.
drinking
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And then I start thinking, "What's wrong with me? Am I not fun to drink with?"
drinkfunstartstart-thinkingthinking
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Oh, no. Don't do that to yourself. You're plenty of fun to drink with.
drinkfunplenty
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Trust me, Charlie. You get really, really drunk. Oh, yeah.
charliedrunktrust
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And then you get reckless, and it's a lot of fun.
funreckless
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So how do we go about doing this?
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Do we ambush him and then sort of like berate him...
ambush
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into becoming the guy we wanna be around?
becoming
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You certainly don't berate him.
certainly
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He needs to know you're coming from a place of love and concern.
comingconcernloveneedsplace
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Mm-mmm. Too soft.
soft
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I think we should come at him with an iron fist and crush him into submission.
crushfistironsubmission
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Right, right. If we're taking that approach,
approach
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you might wanna be armed at this intervention. Mm-hmm.
armedinterventionmight
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Why- Why would I need to be armed?
armed
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Well, Frank's usually carrying a little gun with him.
carryingfranksusually
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- And he doesn't really hesitate to use it. - And you know what?
hesitate
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Have the gun out and ready to rock when he comes in.
comesreadyrock
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- We'll all have guns. - It's just safer. She could put it in her pants.
gunspantssafer
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If we maybe ambush Frank with a net...
ambushfrank
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or some kind of rope device,
devicerope
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the gun will maybe drop out of his waist belt. You wanna bring him in in a net?
beltbringdropwaist
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- That could get awkward. - Just bring the gun.
awkwardbring
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Bring a gun. I don't wanna get shot, so just bring a gun, will you?
bringshot
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You know, I do offer group therapy.
groupoffertherapy
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Yeah. What are you doing?
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What is this you're doing? What is that? What is that?
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With all due respect, you're talking about bringing guns to an intervention,
bringinggunsinterventionrespect
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and you're drinking wine out of a soda can.
drinkingdrinking-winesodawine
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Yeah. You put wine in the soda can?
sodawine
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You didn't know, did you? That's good.
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Soda. You stole Frank's idea.
franksideasodastole
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Actually, it's a pretty good one. It's a good idea.
idea
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The guy's got great ideas. He's a smart man. That's not what we're here about.
ideassmart
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- But I do feel like she just tried an intervention on us. - Did you intervene on us?
interveneinterventiontried
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You know what I'm feeling? I'm feeling like you've lost control of the room here.
controlfeelinglostlost-controlroom
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And we're the ones that are running things now. I've lost my trust in you.
lostonesrunningtrust
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- We can do this on our own. - We can do the intervention without her.
intervention
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You guys think? Why not?
↓
37a1cc22-ec9a-4547-a00a-a602fdc7da61.gif
All right. Might as well give it a shot. Let's just do that.
mightshot
↓
071e3834-5742-49e7-b3d4-d12e5714801b.gif
Thank you. Thanks for your help. You did your best.
bestthanks
↓
81a0387d-e88b-4fce-8403-dbcb4b74c4bb.gif
After you. No hard feelings.
feelingshardhard-feelings
↓
47a0ac0d-17f4-4229-8a4c-8fb430165e5d.gif
I'm gonna grab some of this literature.
grabliterature
↓
14c076c8-2ce3-4cab-8f48-b81ccc101997.gif
She didn't do that great of a job.
↓
a531674b-94c4-4b3f-a1ae-a49040ac0af5.gif
No, but don't beat her while she's down.
beat
↓
120dfd13-ccfe-4c04-9ea0-6fccd9ad9141.gif
Frank, here's another idea.
anotheranother-ideafrankidea
↓
b66067f9-b833-4fb1-bf7f-84ee3ab545f5.gif
Oh! Oh! Where'd you come from?
whered
↓
0ad191b7-db00-4e70-9f1f-4805c547cc90.gif
I've been walking next to you the entire time.
entirewalking
↓
db2896a2-1d3e-4db1-84d4-f434d445d464.gif
I'm sorry. I'm a little, uh, lit.
↓
a1431f5a-c7ae-46ce-90d0-e29e534e035b.gif
And, uh, I've been going over this thing.
↓
49edfe0a-e344-4121-b0d2-25ce904bd3fc.gif
I'm trying to figure out how- How to bang Donna. I know.
bangdonnafigure
↓
f9f2ccc6-89c3-4973-8d8a-34bc697a37d4.gif
You've been talking about it for the last five miles.
fivefive-milesmiles
↓
bf4ffb84-64e9-4c88-86dd-27b54af437c4.gif
Dude, it doesn't matter. I got a better idea.
ideamatter
↓
b60e8099-ef84-4fa0-b234-8a829f1bde27.gif
I think you should bang Gail the Snail.
banggailsnail
↓
daf95b85-9262-4730-96b6-1b1942fcf2ed.gif
My niece? Yeah.
niece
↓
0a0e68a2-e631-4965-9373-83f3ee710ea8.gif
Gail the Snail? Dude, what's more depraved than that, huh?
depravedgailsnail
↓
92762eb4-7d87-4892-a5d7-97a0250242b2.gif
Plus, you're not blood related, so it's not that weird.
bloodplusrelatedweird
↓
14746617-1285-49e1-ae46-dd3a69563385.gif
That is a good idea.
idea
↓
3d7c6648-3640-42d4-87ea-be3bfb94559a.gif
I like the way you're thinking.
thinking
↓
2de145a6-1458-4bca-89fc-4b0d6696fe34.gif
Ew! What's in it for you?
↓
753c4fef-3d62-430d-9972-20142457f405.gif
Huh?
↓
117aba2d-e2ab-481a-8108-5851546e7c80.gif
Oh! Jesus! What's in it for you?
jesus
↓
ae949044-df63-438d-bf52-d8823bcafc84.gif
Don't worry about what's in it for me, dude.
worry
↓
3e9a089a-a3f7-40ac-8362-8b4b87a7732f.gif
Good God! You are disgusting.
disgusting
↓
1c74f705-bb44-4748-be9a-7829eb6f46b3.gif
A disgusting animal.
animaldisgusting
↓
ab1f0f68-f459-4e59-930f-00f0ef1cccdc.gif
Mm. Charlie.
charlie
↓
9fca45b4-ef54-4447-87cf-c8d69518c6f9.gif
Let's write him a letter. Let's write Frank a letter.
frankletterwrite
↓
36d5b15b-f777-48ae-a84f-52baf4f43112.gif
That's the first step in any intervention, right?
interventionstep
↓
255ba402-906e-4f0b-aa06-3fc4ea8a391e.gif
Huh. Yeah. Great. All right.
↓
4911c7ae-bdad-49ee-89c7-a6a66117a809.gif
So I'm assuming you'll have to dictate yours to me,
assumingdictate
↓
b42fe370-d942-4daf-8410-dfe432fc4a49.gif
and then I'll just write it down for you, yeah? Yes, that'll be fine.
thatllwrite
↓
bc16a05c-8bfc-479d-9b7b-55b00907af4d.gif
Okay, great. Let's- Let's do that.
↓
7dc6b8e0-cd04-4faf-a38b-d009355c409e.gif
Okay, uh, I guess my letter would be about...
letter
↓
66bf54ca-5752-4537-b80a-447d3ebff0fd.gif
how Frank and I aren't really making memories together anymore,
anymorefrankmemories
↓
4bbd4f7d-cc57-401e-b15b-9c1e9817dfd7.gif
and how when we don't make memories together, that's a hurtful thing for me.
hurtfulmemories
↓
8f9cea97-0253-48c2-923d-8e3b5b61a5aa.gif
Okay. Uh, you know, let's just dive right in.
dive
↓
4d0c1145-3ba8-41a8-b76e-386a2e13c0d6.gif
I'm not even gonna try and suss out where you're going with that one.
↓
15d52b10-9581-4ee0-beca-5410ab385c4f.gif
Right. Um, number one...
number
↓
12f01af1-6dab-4db6-bbd8-582ab80014b0.gif
when was the last time we played Night Crawlers together, Frank?
crawlersfranknightnight-crawlersplayed
↓
105d6aa4-7637-4755-a41b-aab292a7f02e.gif
Oh. Oh, okay. What is that?
↓
1fe919bc-71c2-4b77-a440-c69b55d0713c.gif
Well, it's not about you. Why don't you just write it down, and then...
write
↓
cc51e50d-85d6-4088-8e52-c656090731a0.gif
Yeah, but you said it. You said "Night Crawlers,"
crawlersnightnight-crawlers
↓
aef82c2d-4057-4c6e-a942-8d1f64367448.gif
and now I feel like I can't move past it.
past
↓
cb35d47d-c6e0-4c59-a376-ec2eab2dd9c6.gif
I gotta know what that is. It's- It's no big deal.
deal
↓
153d3bab-803c-463d-9de4-695d2eba29b9.gif
You know? I...
↓
d182a0f0-aab0-46b7-9c21-3db85c3b559a.gif
If I were you, I'd just write it down because it's not really a big deal.
dealwrite
↓
28bdbce7-bd97-4456-af69-41494e3e3ee5.gif
What is it? It's what it sounds like.
sounds
↓
7b87c220-78f2-4311-9e8f-b1bd0a0a0ae9.gif
What it sounds like is that you two crawl around like worms in the night.
crawlnightsoundsworms
↓
7c1c44b6-f702-4f54-bca8-4bab8912d5ef.gif
That's what it sounds like.
sounds
↓
08103fe8-7766-48a7-ac89-4dcc42040581.gif
This is not about you, so I'd like for you...
↓
d0fa9d16-4bd7-4eb4-94be-a768032e5a41.gif
Damn! Shut up! Guess what!
↓
4c8cdf18-6de4-4263-9ef5-ba95e6547e16.gif
What? We got you! What do you guys think?
↓
275b876e-97e9-4878-9fc8-9d6232db1b69.gif
I thought when Frank comes in, we'll just bang and make a bunch of noise.
bangbunchcomesfranknoise
↓
414eeb60-323c-49a0-be12-14dbc29e2c31.gif
Oh, yeah. Ha! We've got you! All right.
↓
4c61f475-fa72-48ad-a08f-ee91279e741c.gif
But the pain is a little agitating. That's overboard, I think.
overboardpain
↓
acfad6aa-99c7-40f5-9752-8980fb01b525.gif
- It's too much? - I think that's too far.
↓
5360ba04-eddf-425e-b442-75de6fc2e89b.gif
The yelling and pointing and accusing and saying that he's trapped and surrounded...
accusingpointingsurroundedtrappedyelling
↓
fafe7c1c-ba88-4f69-b330-511646712291.gif
is probably gonna be- That's gonna be great.
↓
7aaf23e9-ea99-469f-8c34-ef4991c64fd4.gif
By the way, you guys, can I just say, as a side note,
noteside
↓
600422b5-e28f-4737-9f42-57e09ff9ab26.gif
I am loving this canned wine thing.
cannedlovingwine
↓
ce3b9926-92a9-4ccb-b714-9177f5762529.gif
I think it's brilliant. Right?
brilliant
↓
1db83b96-cc48-44b5-9187-f5f0d65ead3c.gif
I'm active. I'm gesturing with my hands, and I don't feel restricted.
activehandsrestricted
↓
45848892-ffb8-44fc-8387-336d8b426f02.gif
If I was holding a wine glass, I'd be spilling wine all over the goddamn place.
glassgoddamngoddamn-placeholdingplacespillingwine
↓
762b85e5-f411-47a0-b876-7ef4a0a339a0.gif
It would get everywhere. We're not intervening on Frank for a lack of good ideas.
frankideaslack
↓
c41fc47a-08de-4480-a2fd-a7abc5cec28d.gif
Well, that's for sure. Oh, no. Well, guys, maybe we're not doing the right thing.
↓
93fc8597-b197-43ab-8465-bb51c213fb78.gif
You're talking a lot about wine. You got it all over your lips and teeth.
lipsteethwine
↓
31e6a5fa-3d27-40ed-955e-9251f938a944.gif
Maybe we need the help of a professional. We should probably get that lady back.
ladyprofessional
↓
32cab99a-477a-448d-836e-7cf8dab499f0.gif
What are you talking about? We're coming up with all kinds of good ideas.
comingideaskinds
↓
5b24e57e-5566-483d-9f54-50aa11f5ade6.gif
We're flowing here. I feel like we got some good stuff.
flowingstuff
↓
69c75489-fd74-4cc4-b1d5-4522e811812a.gif
I just feel like- Maybe we should consult with the pamphlets, right?
consultpamphlets
↓
58d23761-0bb9-4a42-8899-107f9c73e50f.gif
The pamphlets I grabbed from the office. Oh, okay.
grabbedofficepamphlets
↓
0911b4e2-e3af-4949-b4d5-ac450b3915e7.gif
Well, I've been meaning to bring that up.
bringmeaning
↓
9729a32a-1909-4eb2-a90b-6c3ea5facc4a.gif
I took a lot at those pamphlets that you grabbed,
grabbedpamphlets
↓
0940b143-23b9-4dba-b552-fc018d024265.gif
and not a single one of them has anything to do with intervention.
interventionsingle
↓
f216f8d1-260f-44f1-958b-f8e512b8fcdf.gif
It's not even close. I'm starting to think we need to intervene on you...
closeintervenestarting
↓
f86f0c0e-cb99-499e-bd93-d0736e91519b.gif
for your goddamn illiteracy. Yeah, Charlie, you are getting real dumb.
charliedumbgoddamnilliteracyreal
↓
34e2a186-b1ea-4697-8f50-2cc841e3d658.gif
Come on. All right. See, this is what I'm talking about. Illiteracy.
illiteracy
↓
9349597e-9211-468c-ac0a-64e2d12bb2f6.gif
What does that word even mean? Come on.
word
↓
9385e084-766f-4e5c-9ffa-b53060dc8c47.gif
I'm gonna get the lady, 'cause this is gettin' crazy.
crazygettinlady
↓
8b908eaf-d6b8-495f-bee0-d7ebddcc1f41.gif
We need help. I'm gettin' the lady.
gettinlady
↓
0168b822-851d-4b72-97cd-18980c874de2.gif
- Whoa. - How you doin', Frank?
doinfrankwhoa
↓
78e415d0-f657-4237-8701-23c082b6836e.gif
What the hell are you doing here?
↓
548d26ff-3d05-4e95-ad9e-fe3f8d54595b.gif
Frank, my plan is finally coming together.
comingfinallyfrankplan
↓
892be288-c1ea-430e-9563-85e415717a24.gif
With you out of the picture, I can swoop in on Donna.
donnapictureswoop
↓
2f01ca13-222b-4274-b0d6-b1881d1cec85.gif
Is that why you pushed me off onto the Snail?
pushedsnail
↓
358491bc-a4c2-4b5c-9007-56d964b2b05d.gif
Yeah, that's right, bitch. But that's what you wanted anyway, right?
bitchwanted
↓
8edd6fae-ce34-4584-8688-efb4cd4c4433.gif
You wanted to be as depraved as possible.
depravedpossiblewanted
↓
8fb8b96a-afe2-468c-b131-2de97e33799f.gif
Yeah. But I think the Snail is too depraved even for me.
depravedsnail
↓
600e1a6a-788f-43e1-8986-700e63ec1057.gif
This broad is berserk.
berserkbroad
↓
84e01648-34f2-4912-a817-aa6ce6555272.gif
Wake and bake. You guys bang?
bakebangwake
↓
0535af3f-fc87-47fa-b17b-8d07d8650f21.gif
Oh, no. We did a bunch of those Monster Energy drinks and dry humped. It was awful.
awfulbunchdrinksenergyenergy-drinkshumpedmonster
↓
40b09f8c-729d-4ec0-ab10-2b880fb6ec12.gif
I think she gave me poison ivy.
poison
↓
07c73377-9722-4bca-9eef-5f6b1cbee797.gif
Hey, hey there, sleepyhead.
sleepyhead
↓
2c14157d-1951-4aab-ba49-0b3a3ff85b3c.gif
I made you breakfast. I hope you like it crispy 'cause it is burned.
breakfastburnedcrispyhope
↓
a2b96a50-d4c2-4708-822e-7e891ef4bf60.gif
What is going on in here? How did you get in my house?
house
↓
e7669b08-b2d3-4831-b4fa-de583077a3eb.gif
Did you kick in my door?
doorkick
↓
9d0cc0c5-790b-4847-aeb2-cd05d02a19ce.gif
Kick, yes. Kick in, no.
kick
↓
70da2f9d-3b97-4e93-bcd7-bb63a4c18b3b.gif
That door is solid, which is the good news.
doornewssolid
↓
db2ddf6a-c461-49de-8b9a-2d1d92850ba4.gif
The bad news is the window is not.
newswindow
↓
2ce461ef-6084-49a6-9406-3eb3507a5afa.gif
That's gonna be a security concern. But don't worry.
concernsecurityworry
↓
b8023d18-b1eb-437e-96a4-1671f9f00ce1.gif
I'm gonna fix it, make sure it's up to snuff.
snuff
↓
8346800e-379d-4cde-a57c-62a1e3e3c328.gif
You're always safe when you're with me. Are you ready for your breakfast?
breakfastreadysafe
↓
72780dcc-e9a4-401b-99fb-4416cdda74ee.gif
I'm sorry. What is happening here?
↓
b67599e2-080c-4af4-8a4d-a42f6056b486.gif
I haven't any idea, honestly. I'm giving Frank a handy under the table.
frankgivinghandyideatable
↓
b40959cf-5fac-4d92-b254-dbbf8e53fce6.gif
That is true.
↓
188be72b-16d1-465f-816d-e255bdcd1bab.gif
Look, Snail- Back off.
snail
↓
56d32037-d0ed-4045-890f-eca3955d6f03.gif
Because you're just mashing it now. It's not...
mashing
↓
0ed11aa1-0e9b-4ec6-b834-b5c4b067a4d9.gif
For God sakes, Gail.
gailsakes
↓
516a9e9f-27f0-4e62-b757-381e2994073c.gif
Mom, I'm sexually active now. Get over it.
activesexuallysexually-active
↓
b619d265-bf31-4d19-9c3b-6b21ae96040b.gif
You're 33 years old. You're supposed to be sexually active.
activesexuallysexually-activesupposedyears
↓
a10428b8-daea-4fe7-96ca-ad06d123e24f.gif
You're not supposed to be fondling your uncle under a table.
fondlingsupposedtableuncle
↓
fade1a07-48ba-42bc-9f38-1c13647f6167.gif
We're not blood related. Will you just please leave her alone?
alonebloodrelated
↓
fc95f4c2-abf6-4bcf-a094-6153fe889c2e.gif
I'll make a deal with you. I dump the Snail if you and I go out.
dealdumpsnail
↓
b36bca2f-08e8-4b49-a2db-f3bd0a254ffb.gif
Frank, you can't do that. Donna's my girl.
frankgirl
↓
9b9292ed-1e6b-4644-9d4d-4d8266b09974.gif
I called her first at the funeral. Fair is fair.
calledfairfuneral
↓
2ecd477f-7e67-42aa-8a71-5370e562b846.gif
Let me make something perfectly clear.
clearperfectlyperfectly-clear
↓
5c2b02ce-a634-480e-a499-3e1e15f0c153.gif
I will never be with either of you.
↓
f3383eac-f9e4-4ce7-ae5d-8fe4324b4cc5.gif
Why are you doing this to me? Why can't you just let me be happy?
happy
↓
8afca727-68f0-40d5-b947-c270ad9cd53c.gif
I want everybody out of my house. Jesus Christ.
christeverybodyhousejesusjesus-christ
↓
0d399350-3e3e-4007-ae95-8054fa2032eb.gif
Out of my house! Okay!
house
↓
d9a1a787-ef97-4907-9c45-3120754381e9.gif
- Fine. - Not you. You live here, Gail.
gaillive
↓
d61f032f-537b-4f5b-beda-63edb6faf027.gif
I hate it here. I'm leaving. I'm going with this guy. He's my boyfriend.
boyfriendhateleaving
↓
92a00dbf-f9d7-4bdc-8917-0d5818a5a39c.gif
- I'm taking some eggs. - I am not your boyfriend.
boyfriendeggs
↓
6b689d72-63a5-477b-93bb-1789fbb1b90e.gif
Frank, what is with this chick? She's berserk.
berserkchickfrank
↓
4e4e2a24-6261-4c1a-a645-89ef25ab5544.gif
Oh, okay. I get it. So Frank sits there,
franksits
↓
39a3be60-1c74-4591-9aa6-c21be687dae1.gif
and we put stools in a semicircle.
stools
↓
d3c9f0c1-8dbe-480e-afde-dd8e8d9e438b.gif
You wanna make sure there's a border all around him...
border
↓
2f8c0318-bbf1-46eb-852c-536225d074a8.gif
so there's no going anywhere. And zing him from every angle.
anglezing
↓
0dd5600e-d7da-477e-b4cc-cc4b5656065d.gif
Yep. Okay.
↓
e8423ccf-d379-4b43-8475-45eec5fc8bd1.gif
- That makes sense. - There she is!
makesmakes-sensesense
↓
fec3c9a0-551b-44eb-829c-40d50a0ad528.gif
Hey! Hey! Thank you for coming!
coming
↓
c78b3af4-0be8-4770-9573-c6f0ca253b9d.gif
- - We really appreciate this. We really appreciate it.
appreciate
↓
a73a2eec-0f14-4137-b52b-c1690b77cf49.gif
Well, I'm here because clearly your friend is in desperate need of help.
desperatefriend
↓
c57df48e-2eac-4858-8fc3-e320964ce6a2.gif
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
↓
f238d4d2-96eb-4b1f-88a2-d352a7de4a82.gif
Well, we realize we also just need as many people attacking this guy...
attackingrealize
↓
c29e51ea-a043-4297-a492-cb42480298d3.gif
as we can possibly get. Mm-hmm.
possibly
↓
be9a37c1-92f7-4456-abdd-0e9faadf8a4a.gif
Well, not attacking. This is why I'm glad you called me back.
attackingcalledglad
↓
54783f3d-d66d-4607-8502-8a3cdd9a5513.gif
Yeah, okay, listen. Before we get into that,
↓
e3b29625-4172-4e79-b99a-3373c94e8c23.gif
could you help us pop a quick intervention on Charlie for his illiteracy?
charlieilliteracyinterventionquick
↓
23a45162-784d-4afe-84a7-faf1ea74731d.gif
The kid can't read or write. Not a bit.
readwrite
↓
32442f32-3948-479e-83c8-50b83838d6d2.gif
- - No joke. It's no joke.
joke
↓
98924263-721e-4def-ad54-fead0c0aa6ac.gif
They've been riding me all day. I can read and write. I just don't like to read and write.
readridingwrite
↓
daa5396c-ebdd-4c36-a9cf-95c10cab54e4.gif
Let's try and stay focused on Frank.
focusedfrank
↓
3702e6d3-d113-4c8f-8c73-b528306d1c81.gif
That's a good point. He's gonna be here any second.
pointsecond
↓
839b67f1-9df7-4c83-a3f1-29ffa9b453ca.gif
We told him there was a giant grease fire...
firegiantgrease
↓
e7762313-4100-49fa-81e3-aba7095f992c.gif
and he had to come down immediately.
immediately
↓
540c9049-55a2-47b3-a463-05af4c0d5ba2.gif
Uh-oh. She's- I'm assuming you wouldn't have lured him down with a fire.
assumingfirelured
↓
8c54db4b-93bf-410f-af55-8946d3c627d4.gif
Is that what your face is doing right now?
face
↓
64b78802-456f-472d-a41a-938a68ec95ec.gif
Yeah. Um, and I wouldn't have an intervention at a bar either.
intervention
↓
d6ceb8be-49ba-4884-9343-fd0fd46f42b9.gif
Well, lady, look,
lady
↓
03f2f056-736e-4ae9-8a86-34a9a7abf585.gif
all mistakes we've made on our own, so it's good that you're here.
mistakes
↓
ef86593f-bd70-4b85-8a8a-a2989fa34c59.gif
We're doing our best. We're doing our best.
best
↓
827440a5-f66f-4462-8129-5268d8382539.gif
Where's the goddamn fire?
firegoddamn
↓
e5714471-385a-4e46-8c7c-2dde9c96d32d.gif
Intervention! Intervention! Ah, intervention!
interventionintervention-intervention
↓
82a5da83-692c-41a5-8d72-96aad468f19d.gif
Intervention! I got it! I got it! You're surrounded, Frank!
frankinterventionsurrounded
↓
1fb3bc35-62ca-4dcc-8565-5d81816e093b.gif
There's nowhere for you to go. You're trapped. You're trapped.
trapped
↓
6af7d064-16dc-4add-8882-a274115ac41e.gif
You're trapped! You're trapped!
trapped
↓
b628bf8f-4046-4123-96dc-1d0455fc421e.gif
Got you! Got you! You're trapped!
trapped
↓
c48b171a-3d34-4ae5-8250-80ec4ca2de9c.gif
- That's enough! That's enough! - We told you there was gonna be a gun.
↓
b89cc1da-ac5b-4b4d-8a37-eab60fd39a8d.gif
What the hell's going on? Got you, man!
hells
↓
c0e3d578-26bd-4b45-8c0f-f71ca8670db5.gif
Sit down! You sit down so we can tell you what an asshole you've been.
asshole
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ebbbda00-3b7e-449b-93f3-82c7daa67b68.gif
We're gonna get all in your face and point out your faults.
facefaultspoint
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cbb6ee2c-3d90-4827-8f9a-e8d1dfb7314f.gif
A roast? I've always wanted to be roasted.
roastroastedwanted
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677a754b-7fac-49e3-bea8-d74e745f5193.gif
Oh, wait. Let me just switch gears here...
gearsswitch
↓
d909df6e-72e0-4278-b67e-0de79f525cb9.gif
fire up this spliff.
fire
↓
af719cb5-f4dd-44b3-9559-45792653341a.gif
No, no, no, no. Wait. Frank, hold on.
frank
↓
2f907555-0f30-4317-b5f8-9e509e1ded60.gif
Um, everyone's here today because they care about you and they want you to get well.
careeveryonestoday
↓
23b8a1fc-aacc-4962-8124-a4a8a92f6331.gif
She ain't funny. Next.
aintfunny
↓
c28a108e-a293-4829-b5b0-dd32e10dc4a0.gif
Frank, you're an asshole. Ah! That's it.
assholefrank
↓
8c8adf14-019f-4801-9772-eabd04609c87.gif
- Now rain down on me. Come on. - You're a prick!
prickrain
↓
f8a1b150-c274-4809-81aa-f051879069a7.gif
And your addiction has affected us in the following ways.
addictionaffectedfollowingways
↓
ad7bfb6e-3592-4132-ba4e-5769c2300e72.gif
You are annoying!
annoying
↓
46b84a8b-f91c-4747-85a2-2e4b844379ca.gif
Dennis, come on! Give it to me with both barrels!
barrelsdennis
↓
4a94520b-e0cf-427c-bca1-91e6a5e2b52d.gif
Why do we never play Night Crawlers anymore, huh? I don't know, Charlie.
anymorecharliecrawlersnightnight-crawlers
↓
41bded2c-037c-4dce-b431-2a59410042d0.gif
What is Night Crawlers? It's a game where they crawl around in the night like worms.
crawlcrawlersgamenightnight-crawlersworms
↓
6652e603-35f7-422b-9aaf-9c7222a88324.gif
I never said that. Yeah, well, that's what it is.
↓
eb449edd-b45c-4802-bf1a-e47c7c4f923c.gif
Intervention! Intervention! Is nothing private, Frank?
frankinterventionintervention-interventionprivate
↓
b7454fcb-2449-49e9-84b5-4bd07032cca7.gif
Jesus! Look, I like that game. I don't wanna stop playing it.
gamejesusplaying
↓
7ad42942-9db1-49c0-ac90-3748df11c81b.gif
Well, Charlie, we can play that game.
charliegame
↓
aa6ced3e-2894-461a-9f8b-159a69e38f94.gif
You promise? Yeah.
promise
↓
de09cb06-e968-481a-acc8-4dfe368abd26.gif
Whoo! Ahh! Yeah.
whoo
↓
b2ad7108-6b58-43e8-bc4c-98d0783352df.gif
Stop touching me.
touching
↓
8f8c578d-c3ce-4321-ac93-18c0981b7477.gif
- Just stop. - Whoa! What's this?
whoa
↓
c5c4be89-987e-4401-8fbd-9f7e9e5c4797.gif
Me and Mac are together.
↓
21f1c7ae-8640-44f5-a277-55873e7873ad.gif
No! No! No!
↓
dcf554f7-7a3d-4fd5-b0d4-0e59b2fc5509.gif
Intervention! Intervention! Intervention!
interventionintervention-intervention
↓
56e73f52-2dc7-40e8-a95d-ac42b735e5a6.gif
What are you interventioning me for?
↓
adb21ca6-6c29-4870-b665-2ba69ac65906.gif
Because you can't be banging Gail the Snail.
banginggailsnail
↓
e9b26045-e6bf-4fcd-9f25-d1499d989923.gif
I'm not banging Gail the Snail. She followed me home.
bangingfollowedgailhomesnail
↓
723ddb5a-e1ab-4f59-9963-692e43301a10.gif
Oh! She was doing that the whole time.
whole
↓
6379a0a3-0c88-42e4-ac29-67b3038b7070.gif
Yeah, she does that. Swallow it or spit it out.
spitswallow
↓
5b8d123c-0b30-4a93-aedc-1ee2410edadf.gif
No, don't! Oh, my God.
↓
5a7086a9-7607-4787-aa8f-d46dd7ac4f43.gif
See? Intervention!
intervention
↓
0a97e2bc-a044-46c6-9ca6-ee16e5902ab6.gif
Hey, babe, I'll get you a drink from the bar.
babedrink
↓
a4b83003-0983-4d3f-b859-4a46d119586e.gif
Great. My God. What are you doing, Mac?
↓
7cfd38be-8e87-4d5f-b743-5a842fa48ae1.gif
I was just going over to her house to try and bang Donna...
bangdonnahouse
↓
f1d4915f-0478-4b31-ad24-f95e5521962d.gif
because she reminds me so much of your mom,
reminds
↓
1be6478a-add4-4799-b1a1-415e3d5cdfbf.gif
which is the best sex I ever had.
best
↓
cc29cf95-e0fc-4036-86b3-4b8040b1d6be.gif
- - Intervention. Intervention.
interventionintervention-intervention
↓
16ca266f-18da-4643-8dfb-3bcd4ccf32f5.gif
Huh? You banged my dead wife?
bangeddeadwife
↓
9c5c6b18-767a-456d-9fbd-ddfe6fc92a2a.gif
Well, she was alive at the time.
alive
↓
9d97e9f7-66c7-468a-a874-d5ea5c5c4306.gif
- But- Did you not know that? - No.
↓
74bf4f42-6ec8-4a17-9a61-dd8488fdf8ee.gif
It's cool, man. It's cool. Intervention. Intervention. Okay?
coolinterventionintervention-intervention
↓
eff9116b-e210-435c-b06a-6815dbf16c98.gif
Look, he's got a weird fetish for older women, so don't hold it against him.
fetisholderweirdwomen
↓
c56f8716-1d9d-4327-82c9-6d8213080de3.gif
I don't have an older-woman fetish.
fetisholderolder-womanwoman
↓
03989b24-04c9-4c34-abe3-e0a4edc30448.gif
Yeah, you do. I don't wanna bang this chick.
bangchick
↓
867b9257-4fb0-41d5-9488-6566099c37d6.gif
Let's cool it with the intervention stuff for a second...
coolinterventionsecondstuff
↓
ade07bb3-d7d8-4185-9745-c4cec4fe9673.gif
'cause there's a lot of 'em being thrown around right now,
thrown
↓
24c1b7ae-2246-43d0-90c7-24b626d0ebd4.gif
and I'm having a little bit of trouble keeping track.
havingkeepingtracktrouble
↓
9a15f86f-a877-4baa-b208-44a7e4bc4039.gif
The most important intervention is the one we need to do on Gail the Snail...
gailinterventionsnail
↓
37d836c4-119c-47b3-8dcf-50a06366315e.gif
and getting her out of our lives.
lives
↓
b422ef6e-4143-4002-b96d-078ae41eca35.gif
Guys, let's do shots and get crazy.
crazyshots
↓
3a6cfc77-7c2b-407e-9433-25ee462fd22b.gif
No, Gail. No. We're intervening on you, Snail. Go. Get out of here.
gailsnail
↓
162a5957-a1f1-460b-85d4-d7653154170a.gif
Yeah, right. How is she not getting this?
↓
c89cc9de-4e3f-4fcb-b986-299c72340cfd.gif
She's stonewalling us. It is a classic Snail technique. Classic.
classicsnailtechnique
↓
9e513cfa-35cb-49ae-b205-3ca53fbc17cf.gif
Ya! Get out of here, Snail! He's got the salt!
saltsnail
↓
62f1fdeb-ec70-4376-aa0e-51df81fbdbc3.gif
Salt the Snail! Ya, ya, ya!
saltsnail
↓
cac48a28-c0cd-463e-8cc3-f8be380c9b9f.gif
Go, Snail! Ya, ya, ya!
snail
↓
d87db5ab-f7a9-415f-9111-f7afed29708e.gif
Ya! Ya! Hey, guys! Guys, guys!
↓
ec0e7ba7-94ba-4c52-86ad-4ea45824d226.gif
I was gonna invite you guys all to a rave to hang out,
hanginviterave
↓
1073eced-2ea1-444d-a263-9badfdf77706.gif
but now I don't wanna hang out with you anymore.
anymorehang
↓
be7a8303-959b-4b4f-b8ee-955163d806d9.gif
Oh, my God. Salt the Snail. Just salt her.
saltsnail
↓
dd02569c-b6cd-41d0-bdb5-f687031ae217.gif
Wait, wait! Do you guys wanna go?
↓
3067a7da-6c69-4a0e-8687-7714f4ead706.gif
No, no! We don't wanna go! Wait!
↓
0efe24cc-4020-41a6-8e4d-0b45cbdaadce.gif
I have glow sticks.
glowsticks
↓
71351e94-490b-47b8-8383-a0d6806cf4d8.gif
Salt the Snail!
saltsnail
↓
249bf733-6b8f-43fc-a523-1128dd1c9617.gif
The whole thing!
whole
↓
bcb4fe3b-12a7-401c-bbca-84054667bf8d.gif
- Ya, ya, ya! - What is with that broad?
broad
↓
eb3fd2f3-be61-4fd5-97b0-a039041edffc.gif
She is the worst, right? That's what we've been saying.
worst
↓
d8d60938-23d1-49c0-8694-c34b086ff14c.gif
Oh, my God. That was a terrible experience for me by the way.
experience
↓
90f4e25b-eaa9-4061-9d0c-a0ac3c0f64cd.gif
Of course it was. Nobody likes salting the Snail, but she gives you no choice.
choicecoursegiveslikesnobodynobody-likessnail
↓
ac9cb4ed-4de4-4b3f-8163-f703e466afc9.gif
- She doesn't leave you with any options. - What a horrible thing.
horribleoptions
↓
cae3b506-98c0-48fb-8632-09bb6d936d21.gif
I'm all worked up now. I feel bad.
worked
↓
ae5173a7-18f3-4e41-82ab-dea95807e79a.gif
I feel like maybe I should have some more wine in a can.
wine
↓
92d33f93-1319-401a-aa80-00bb779b340c.gif
I'll get you one. I can use some canned wine to calm down a little bit.
calmcannedwine
↓
cd09d15f-4942-4f4f-aefe-11644d0e52ab.gif
Oh, you guys are drinking wine out of those cans?
cansdrinkingdrinking-winewine
↓
6b129caf-9594-4eb3-9aa7-54ec08f3d1a4.gif
Oh, you guys are drinking wine out of those cans?
cansdrinkingdrinking-winewine
↓
2adb3886-fa6b-43d5-962f-c7a1764369fd.gif
Hell, yeah, baby. Hell, yeah.
baby
↓
9e8c8709-08af-404b-b585-ca65e5c50a2a.gif
Can I have one? Yes, and you will notice the advantages almost immediately.
advantagesimmediatelynotice
↓
fce57d7a-a3d7-4655-bf71-ee37b343da5f.gif
Here. Try this. I feel like drinking wine out of a can...
drinkingdrinking-winewine
↓
9aca1a69-7fff-4305-aa14-02ec71f44189.gif
is conducive to my violent hand gestures when I speak.
handspeakviolent
↓
7044bd7c-4790-4deb-bdac-d7fedfd84c35.gif
You tend to be very emphatic and strong and- There's no spillage.
strongtend
↓
58d0c5f9-7ba4-4aea-a632-d981f2434d13.gif
Say I wanna give one to Frank. You didn't get any on me.
frank
↓
3756d673-70d7-4c26-bae7-9b2844e13142.gif
I spilled a little. You wanna point accusatorily, but...
pointspilled
↓
77314660-ac8e-411d-b07c-5248f21d80cd.gif
But it really boosts your mobility.
↓
1c42a278-6e37-426f-a1f1-1a97a2cad332.gif
Excuse me. Excuse- Excuse me.
excuse
↓
0ccd999d-08c2-49c4-a209-454f26caf9cd.gif
People, I- I'm sorry, but how do you guys wanna proceed from here?
proceed
↓
2ee38ffb-8e69-436b-812a-431b84083776.gif
Because I'm a little confused.
confused
↓
0b94d832-41fe-415b-94cb-58512453bb41.gif
Ohh!
↓
b7d218d5-f16c-472e-96f2-aceff739aa2d.gif
Did you wanna- Right. Okay.
↓
dd5f0574-652a-41e7-878c-33c4380bdb5f.gif
Um- Well, I guess we kind of got what we needed out of the intervention.
interventionneeded
↓
91d2c3f5-7bd2-4c6c-a9ca-908aaaca9cae.gif
Yeah. Right? So good job.
↓
874b318d-989e-48b7-b692-1ca770efcd11.gif
Was it? Did she? We did all the work, didn't we?
↓
87d0cef3-fbfb-49bd-92e2-c57f7c199f7a.gif
So we can't really pay you 'cause of that.
↓
b7054036-971c-407a-808a-1780d242dd0d.gif
I know we said we would, but we won't. Yeah.
↓
dd970a34-a0ec-4338-91cf-d1babd9aad02.gif
Um, how about a can of wine? Oh.
wine
↓
5b48eba0-e0c9-4a9a-8bfc-01305359c62e.gif
No.
↓
bb661a96-9e92-484c-b998-2bcea6578499.gif
Oh. All right. Well...
↓
87d815a3-6b20-4867-9c68-f6b4bae4ca7a.gif
Okay, well, on your way. Adios.
adios
↓
88ae4fc1-c1c5-4cdf-a575-41654d65910e.gif
On your way then. Take your jacket.
jacket
↓
734398ef-1a81-49cc-ad46-8aac2946d3c5.gif
Get out of here.
↓
731b278f-5b3c-459d-97f5-e3344173f470.gif
Take that shoulder-padded jacket and get the hell out.
jacketpaddedshoulder
↓
ee2def32-e8e3-47eb-90b8-348b310c1adb.gif
Thanks for stopping by.
stoppingthanks
↓
d1d0890b-37d9-49c6-8b3d-7b8561f5b86d.gif
Don't expect a check in the mail.
checkexpectmail
↓
1b540635-4f9a-4d16-a42b-78574912b967.gif
Hey! Up top!
↓
0bd3b4c5-98f8-401c-b6e8-77c009d9cf1d.gif
Up top, everybody! Great intervention!
everybodyintervention
↓
bc9b3d1f-8d33-40fb-bc95-e2169928522f.gif
Great intervention! Great intervention work!
intervention
↓
f651401e-15dd-4651-8cd3-3ebd138b4633.gif
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