Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S06E12 — Dee Gives Birth

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 6, Episode 12 — Dee Gives Birth

- Look what Charlie and I found. - Look at this.

#1

⇓

Oh, God. Ahh! Get that away from me.

#2

⇓

It reeks. What is that?

#3

⇓

- Dude, this is our mail. - Look at that.

#4

⇓

It's our mail and it was in the sewer.

#5

⇓

What is our mail doing in the sewer?

#6

⇓

I threw it in there. You turkeys never open it,

#7

⇓

so I just started throwing it in the sewer.

#8

⇓

Why don't you just throw it into the trash?

#9

⇓

Because if I threw it in the trash, you would find it

#10

⇓

and then would yell at me.

#11

⇓

Besides, I certainly never expected you guys

#12

⇓

to be rooting around in the sewer.

#13

⇓

That brings up another issue. What are you two doing in the sewer?

#14

⇓

- We always go in the sewer. - We hang out in the sewer.

#15

⇓

- Why? - Why?

#16

⇓

- There's stuff down there. - Yeah. Don't knock the sewer

#17

⇓

- till you've tried the sewer. - You find shit down there.

#18

⇓

- But how are you so clean? - We take our clothes off

#19

⇓

so we don't get dirty.

#20

⇓

- You guys! - Hang on a second, Dee.

#21

⇓

We're getting into something.

#22

⇓

Anything could be down there.

#23

⇓

- Big stuff. - Yeah. Rings, coins, nudity.

#24

⇓

- That's all part of the fun. - All kind of stuff.

#25

⇓

The two of you are walking around in the sewers naked

#26

⇓

looking for rings and coins?

#27

⇓

You feel it with your feet. It's almost like clamming.

#28

⇓

- Okay, but, you guys… - Oh, Dee, will you just knock it off.

#29

⇓

I wanna know why these two are rooting around in the sewer…

#30

⇓

- My water just broke! - Drain could… What?

#31

⇓

I'm having a baby.

#32

⇓

Out of my way. I've broken my water.

#33

⇓

There's a baby inside of me running out of water.

#34

⇓

- Look out! - Dennis, that was amazing.

#35

⇓

I've never seen anybody drive that fast.

#36

⇓

- You hit 120! - I almost stewed my drawers.

#37

⇓

She was screaming in my ear the whole time.

#38

⇓

Probably screwed my transmission up.

#39

⇓

- Nice and easy. Here we go. - Oh, yes. This is my ride.

#40

⇓

- They've done this before. - Thank you.

#41

⇓

- All done with you. You can go. - Hold on a second.

#42

⇓

Where's the guy? Should we call the guy?

#43

⇓

Get the guy down here. The guy who…

#44

⇓

Oh, no, no. That guy. There's no guy.

#45

⇓

What do you mean there's no guy?

#46

⇓

It's complicated.

#47

⇓

There's gotta be a guy. We'll go get the guy.

#48

⇓

- We'll get the dad. - There's no guy.

#49

⇓

Why don't you guys do what you do best and don't care, okay?

#50

⇓

I got it from here. We can take it from here.

#51

⇓

- Right, Michael? - Yeah.

#52

⇓

Michael and I got it. Thanks, guys.

#53

⇓

All right. Kind of rude, but I guess if we're off the hook,

#54

⇓

let's head back to the bar.

#55

⇓

- Yeah. - Yeah. I could get blitzed.

#56

⇓

No. Wait. Stop, guys. No. This is not right.

#57

⇓

Something is not right here. This is very suspicious.

#58

⇓

- What? There's no guy in the picture? - So what?

#59

⇓

You know what this means, right? There's no dad in the picture.

#60

⇓

That means the brunt of the responsibility of this kid

#61

⇓

is gonna fall on us. We're gonna have to do everything.

#62

⇓

- Ooh. - You're right.

#63

⇓

Dee is like the most irresponsible person on the planet.

#64

⇓

Look what she was doing with the mail, for Christ sakes.

#65

⇓

Oh, my God! We're gonna be in charge of the kid?

#66

⇓

This kid cannot become our responsibility.

#67

⇓

I mean, look what this kid has ruined already.

#68

⇓

- He's ruined my transmission. - Yeah.

#69

⇓

He's ruined a perfectly good sewer conversation.

#70

⇓

Which I still wanna get to the bottom of that one.

#71

⇓

- Right. - We will.

#72

⇓

God knows what he's gonna ruin in the future.

#73

⇓

He's going to ruin everything.

#74

⇓

We gotta find the dad!

#75

⇓

- You're right. - Let's find the dad.

#76

⇓

It's the dad's responsibility. Let's find the dad.

#77

⇓

- Let's find the dad. - Yeah. Okay.

#78

⇓

I wonder if the dad even knows.

#79

⇓

I'll bet she's embarrassed,

#80

⇓

too embarrassed to tell us because she's bedded some real stinkers.

#81

⇓

You know what? She might not even know herself.

#82

⇓

No. There's always overlap.

#83

⇓

Any multiple number of sperms could have gone up there

#84

⇓

and eaten the egg. There could be so many dads.

#85

⇓

- No, sperm doesn't eat the egg. - It doesn't eat the egg

#86

⇓

and grow strong and become a baby?

#87

⇓

Either way, she's pregnant and it's a guy, so let's get him.

#88

⇓

Why don't we just round up the usual suspects

#89

⇓

and then we'll figure out how many of them.

#90

⇓

Somebody's gotta stay here with her.

#91

⇓

- You think so? - You're right. Yeah.

#92

⇓

- You're right. - And it looks like it's gonna be you.

#93

⇓

- Why? What happened? - Well, mostly because

#94

⇓

you know, we're all on this side.

#95

⇓

- And you're over there. - Just 'cause you guys made it

#96

⇓

- to one side before me? - You didn't make it

#97

⇓

to this side on time.

#98

⇓

Also, now we're backing out and you're stuck there.

#99

⇓

- I can back out. - Hey, we'll find the dad.

#100

⇓

You better find that dad. This is not fair.

#101

⇓

Keep your eye on her.

#102

⇓

What are you doing? Get down!

#103

⇓

I'm trying to make the TV go.

#104

⇓

You are standing on top of a rolling chair.

#105

⇓

You're gonna go flying through that window.

#106

⇓

Will you get down?

#107

⇓

- I'm serious. You get down, Dee. - All right.

#108

⇓

Oh, my… What are you thinking?

#109

⇓

Well, I'm trying to watch my stories, okay.

#110

⇓

I have a very specific birth plan,

#111

⇓

and mostly it involves me watching my stories to relax,

#112

⇓

but I can't get this goddamn TV to do anything.

#113

⇓

Well… What are you… Knock it off

#114

⇓

- I'm mad at the… - Stop straining yourself.

#115

⇓

Go lie down. Lie down now.

#116

⇓

This is exactly what I was worried about, Dee.

#117

⇓

You see, I am going to have to do everything

#118

⇓

because you're an irresponsible person who stands atop rolling chairs

#119

⇓

and chooses to go flying through windows.

#120

⇓

Have the baby first. Have the stupid baby.

#121

⇓

Then go flying through all the windows you like.

#122

⇓

Oh, my… Just lie there.

#123

⇓

Wait for the doctor. I will get your stories.

#124

⇓

God, this baby is becoming such an irritating thing to me.

#125

⇓

- Yeah. - God, what an irritating thing babies are.

#126

⇓

Oh, my goodness. I'm having to do everything.

#127

⇓

I'll figure you out, you son of a bitch.

#128

⇓

What was going on? Where is everybody?

#129

⇓

I thought this was supposed to be a party.

#130

⇓

- They'll be here. You're early. - Do you have anything to drink?

#131

⇓

The salt on the chips dries out my mouth.

#132

⇓

I'll poke around the fridge and see if there's anything.

#133

⇓

- Where's the beer? - I forgot the beer.

#134

⇓

- I'm sorry. - You didn't bring beer?

#135

⇓

How are we supposed to know this is a party if there's no beer?

#136

⇓

- I got wrapped up in the invitations. - A party with no beer.

#137

⇓

We don't want them thinking it's an interrogation.

#138

⇓

Oh! Hey!

#139

⇓

Party! Party! All right! Hey!

#140

⇓

- Hey, Cricket. - Ooh. Where's the booze at?

#141

⇓

What's up, fellas?

#142

⇓

- Hey. - Who invited Cricket?

#143

⇓

I did, because I figured it's a wild card.

#144

⇓

- That's a stone you can leave unturned. - We don't have time for that bullshit.

#145

⇓

We gotta get on this, right? Let's just pick one and go.

#146

⇓

Hey, Bill? Could we talk to you for a sec?

#147

⇓

- Maybe, uh, in this… - Oh, yeah? Yeah.

#148

⇓

Let's do this.

#149

⇓

- A little guy time. Guy time. - All right.

#150

⇓

All right, let's turn it up. Whoo!

#151

⇓

Let's get weird, buddy.

#152

⇓

Let's get weird.

#153

⇓

- Thanks for coming to the party, Bill. - Thanks for having me.

#154

⇓

It's good to get away from the wife and kids

#155

⇓

for a little bit, you know, let the hair down.

#156

⇓

So you're still with your wife after all that shit with Dee?

#157

⇓

Yeah, well, I realized I was a sex addict.

#158

⇓

I went to therapy. She forgave me for it.

#159

⇓

Oh, you're a sex addict, huh?

#160

⇓

That's crazy to be one of those.

#161

⇓

You don't mind if I write some of this down, do you?

#162

⇓

For what?

#163

⇓

Just keeping a log of the party. We like to do that.

#164

⇓

A funny conversation pops up, you wanna remember it.

#165

⇓

No problem. Speaking of parties, you guys wanna do a little…

#166

⇓

- Is that coke? - Yeah, I picked up

#167

⇓

a couple grams on the way over.

#168

⇓

Maybe a little bit later, we can all partake.

#169

⇓

- Hey! - But for now we're just a bunch of guys

#170

⇓

hanging out in a room. You know, dudes.

#171

⇓

Let's talk about dude stuff.

#172

⇓

I like dude stuff. Yeah. Like what?

#173

⇓

Oh, I don't know. What do guys talk about?

#174

⇓

- Condoms. - Right.

#175

⇓

I cannot stand the feel of a condom on my dick.

#176

⇓

Oh, my God. I hate condoms. Hate 'em, hate 'em.

#177

⇓

The three of us just don't use 'em.

#178

⇓

- How about you? - No. Me neither.

#179

⇓

No. I can't stand them.

#180

⇓

That's interesting.

#181

⇓

A sex addict who doesn't like condoms.

#182

⇓

That's why I had a vasectomy, guys.

#183

⇓

You had a vasectomy?

#184

⇓

Yep.

#185

⇓

You just winked when you said that.

#186

⇓

Did you have a vasectomy or not?

#187

⇓

No.

#188

⇓

That's what I would tell the ladies so I didn't have to wear a condom.

#189

⇓

- Okay. That is incredibly shady. - No, no, no…

#190

⇓

What a beautiful underhanded thing.

#191

⇓

- Yeah. - It's disgusting.

#192

⇓

You guys wanna do a bump or what?

#193

⇓

I'll have a bump.

#194

⇓

I don't understand why there's not a single room

#195

⇓

- in this hospital… - Well, I don't know where…

#196

⇓

…that has a working television.

#197

⇓

I want it… I want that room. I want it now.

#198

⇓

I don't know where you think I'm gonna get it from.

#199

⇓

I don't have any.

#200

⇓

If you do not get my sister her stories

#201

⇓

and a new room as soon as possible,

#202

⇓

then I will come down on this hospital

#203

⇓

like the hammer of Thor.

#204

⇓

The thunder of my vengeance will echo through these corridors

#205

⇓

like the gust of a thousand winds!

#206

⇓

You know what? I don't have time for this.

#207

⇓

I ain't going to jail over you.

#208

⇓

I will beat your ass and think nothing of it.

#209

⇓

I'm not doing this with you today.

#210

⇓

I'm not! I'm not!

#211

⇓

What's the word on my stories?

#212

⇓

What are you doing? Why are you not in bed?

#213

⇓

I slipped out for a quick sandwich and a soda.

#214

⇓

- You left the hospital? - Yeah. I was kind of hungry.

#215

⇓

Mostly I was just getting bored, you know what I mean?

#216

⇓

Dee, get in your room. You're drive… I…

#217

⇓

It's so boring. There's nothing going on in there.

#218

⇓

You get in your room.

#219

⇓

- Get in there. Just get in there. - Don't… Don't push me though,

#220

⇓

- because I'm pregnant and I don't… - Get in the bed.

#221

⇓

- Wait a sec. What's this? - I don't know.

#222

⇓

Why is there a strange man in my room?

#223

⇓

They probably slid this man in here thinking that you were never

#224

⇓

- gonna use the room, so… - That's no good.

#225

⇓

I don't want there to be a strange man laying in my room who looks dead.

#226

⇓

Is he dead, Dennis?

#227

⇓

I'm sure he's just sleeping, Dee. Get in bed.

#228

⇓

I'm gonna scream in his face and see if he wakes up.

#229

⇓

Do not scream in the man's face.

#230

⇓

I'll jiggle his ankle, and that will determine

#231

⇓

whether he's alive or not.

#232

⇓

Excuse me, sir. You're very cold.

#233

⇓

- He's very cold. - Okay. Hey, you!

#234

⇓

You wake up right now if you're not dead!

#235

⇓

- All right, damn it, Dee. Stop. - Oh, God. I think he's dead.

#236

⇓

I think he's dead. He's definitely dead.

#237

⇓

Why would they do that? Why would they put a dead old man

#238

⇓

with paper skin in my room when I'm trying to give birth?

#239

⇓

Because you weren't using the room, Dee, and the hospital's very full.

#240

⇓

Okay, this was not part of my birth plan.

#241

⇓

This was not part of my birth plan, sir. Get the nurse.

#242

⇓

Get the nurse and get him out of here.

#243

⇓

Getting the nurse is not gonna do any good.

#244

⇓

That woman is stubborn as shit.

#245

⇓

Well, do something.

#246

⇓

- 'Cause this is upsetting me. - All right!

#247

⇓

- It's upsetting the baby. - I hate all the responsibility

#248

⇓

that I have… That this baby is causing me.

#249

⇓

Yes. I will get this man out of your room.

#250

⇓

I will think of something awesome.

#251

⇓

Listen. So things got pretty hot and heavy with you and Dee

#252

⇓

back in the day, correct?

#253

⇓

- That was over a year ago? - Yeah. She wasn't very nice to me.

#254

⇓

So, what are we looking at? No contact with Dee after you dated.

#255

⇓

- What's the deal here, bud? - Well, no, she, um…

#256

⇓

she contacted me for a while, usually when she was drunk.

#257

⇓

- Drunken late-night booty calls? - Mm-hmm.

#258

⇓

No. She usually just yells at me,

#259

⇓

calls me names like army jerk, camo turkey.

#260

⇓

I know she's just drunk, so it's okay.

#261

⇓

Not okay. Not okay at all.

#262

⇓

You gotta stand up for yourself, man.

#263

⇓

- So you haven't slept with her then? - Sometimes she tricks me.

#264

⇓

She tricks you? She tricks you how?

#265

⇓

To give her sex.

#266

⇓

She's a very manipulative person.

#267

⇓

I'm… I'm sorry.

#268

⇓

Are you guys mad at me?

#269

⇓

No, man, we're not mad… no.

#270

⇓

- I mean… You know. - Okay.

#271

⇓

- Get a grip, but… - Okay.

#272

⇓

Yeah. There's a room full of dudes out there, so you might wanna…

#273

⇓

Yeah.

#274

⇓

…stop crying before you come back out to the party.

#275

⇓

Let's go.

#277

⇓

- Thanks, guys. - This is the guy

#278

⇓

that's defending our country?

#279

⇓

Well, he's definitely a candidate.

#280

⇓

Oh, boys. The keg has arrived.

#281

⇓

Hey, Frank. This power outlet is gonna explode,

#282

⇓

and you're gonna have to deal with that, okay?

#283

⇓

- Duncan, go with it, baby. - Yeah, let's go for it.

#284

⇓

Yo, Frank, we gonna set it off, bitch.

#285

⇓

What are your bridge friends doing here?

#286

⇓

Wait. You gotta give it the illusion of a party.

#287

⇓

It's gotta be a guy's night, that's why.

#288

⇓

- Are you high on blow? - Whatever Duncan gave me.

#289

⇓

You don't even know what you're high on?

#290

⇓

- No. Hey! - Yo, Charlie Chuckles,

#291

⇓

- what's crackin', sunshine? - Yeah.

#292

⇓

- Hey. - L'il Kev.

#293

⇓

Hey, L'il Kev.

#294

⇓

And your beer.

#295

⇓

Ah. I'll talk to you guys later.

#296

⇓

Okay. Okay.

#297

⇓

- Oh. Oh! - Oh!

#301

⇓

Party!

#302

⇓

from the Korean restaurant?

#304

⇓

Yeah, yeah. She banged him.

#305

⇓

Are you sure we're not taking this Weekend at Bernie's thing too far?

#306

⇓

Because I'm worried the sunglasses are ridiculous.

#307

⇓

No. The sunglasses lighten the mood.

#308

⇓

Make the whole thing feel like a fun, fun romp.

#309

⇓

Without the sunglasses,

#312

⇓

Weekend at Bernie's would have been very dark.

#313

⇓

- Yeah. Strange movie. - Strange tale.

#314

⇓

Hey there, Mr. Craig.

#315

⇓

The waving thing's awesome, that's true.

#317

⇓

Yeah. It's pretty sweet, right?

#318

⇓

Okay. Now, what's our plan here?

#319

⇓

Are we just gonna throw him in the trash?

#320

⇓

I'm just gonna drop him in one of these rooms

#323

⇓

if I can find an empty one.

#324

⇓

- and put him back in my room. - That's a good point.

#326

⇓

Maybe we can stuff him in a drawer or like jam him in a closet or something.

#327

⇓

- That'll buy us some time, right? - Mm-mmm.

#328

⇓

Makes me feel like I have to touch him.

#329

⇓

I don't wanna touch him at all.

#330

⇓

Please don't put me in the trash.

#332

⇓

- Oh, my goodness. - Whoa.

#334

⇓

They're trying to put me in the trash.

#336

⇓

- Don't… No. - Okay. You know what?

#337

⇓

I flat out refuse to share a room with an old man

#338

⇓

who likes to pretend to be dead.

#339

⇓

- to move the patients. - Ooh!

#341

⇓

- What? What? - Oh, Dennis.

#342

⇓

Oh, my God.

#343

⇓

- What? - Oh, I think I'm having this baby.

#344

⇓

- Doctor! - Oh! It doesn't feel good.

#345

⇓

This sucks. This sucks a bag of dicks.

#346

⇓

- Oh, I'm sure. Oh! - Oh, man!

#347

⇓

- Help my sister. - Wait, wait, wait.

#348

⇓

Don't leave me. I don't like it.

#349

⇓

Okay. No, I'm coming. I'm coming with you.

#350

⇓

We got you from here. We got you. We got you.

#351

⇓

You ain't going nowhere.

#352

⇓

before I knock you in there.

#354

⇓

You have done enough today.

#355

⇓

Crazy-ass white boy steadily dressing up folk

#356

⇓

and talking about Thor.

#357

⇓

I bet I earned this. I got you.

#358

⇓

Wow. This whole thing's really setting in now.

#359

⇓

Yeah, it's really sinking in, man.

#360

⇓

We're gonna have a baby. This is really cool.

#361

⇓

Please don't throw me in the trash.

#362

⇓

No one's putting you in the trash. Stop saying that.

#363

⇓

Will you stop?

#364

⇓

Everybody's talking all this stuff about me?

#365

⇓

Man, I used to have

#366

⇓

some jean shorts like that too.

#367

⇓

I slept in them shits, man.

#368

⇓

Eventually, I blew the crotch out of them things.

#369

⇓

But you can't wear 'em every day

#370

⇓

and expect for 'em to hold up.

#371

⇓

That was some nice-ass denim too.

#372

⇓

I miss them shorts.

#373

⇓

But you gotta take 'em off every now and then.

#374

⇓

You gotta take 'em off, son.

#375

⇓

So, I don't get it. Why are you having sex with her?

#376

⇓

Well, she gets drunk and calls me a cardio-jerk

#377

⇓

or a workout turkey.

#378

⇓

And after a while, I just kind of cave in.

#379

⇓

Wow. You just… All right. I gotta try that with someone.

#380

⇓

- Thanks, Rex. - Okay. Thank you.

#381

⇓

- Enjoy the party. - Thanks, Rex.

#382

⇓

She's just berating these guys into having sex with her.

#383

⇓

Yeah, and she is slammin' ass all over town.

#384

⇓

She's getting way more action than us.

#385

⇓

She's stuck on her curse words. "Jerk" and "turkey"

#386

⇓

are all that she's using.

#387

⇓

Well, clearly they're working for her,

#388

⇓

'cause Rex is a quality lay.

#389

⇓

Yeah, Re… All right. Well, he's not fit to be a father though.

#390

⇓

A father? No. None of these guys are fit to be fathers.

#391

⇓

I mean look at… They're animals.

#392

⇓

Even if we do figure out who it is,

#393

⇓

how are we gonna trust this baby with one of these monkeys?

#394

⇓

No. Look at them. They're animals.

#395

⇓

They got no self-control.

#396

⇓

You know, it takes discipline to raise a kid, you know?

#397

⇓

You gotta set rules. You gotta set ground rules.

#398

⇓

Set some boundaries.

#399

⇓

Yeah. You know, like don't have 'em doing cocaine.

#400

⇓

- Get them off the Internet. - Yeah. Oh, the Internet's a very,

#401

⇓

- very dangerous place. - Kids spend all their time

#402

⇓

on the Internet. "Hi. Who are you?

#403

⇓

There's your penis and there's your butt."

#404

⇓

You gotta learn from some books.

#405

⇓

You don't want 'em reading too many books.

#406

⇓

You don't want 'em to be a nerd.

#407

⇓

You don't want 'em to be a nerd.

#408

⇓

- I'm not raising a nerd, bro. - If it's a nerd,

#409

⇓

I'm gonna bash his head in.

#410

⇓

- Nerds get nowhere in life. - Oh, my God.

#411

⇓

Is he a nerd? I could bash some nerds right now.

#412

⇓

Well, right after this we should probably bash nerds.

#413

⇓

I gotta get it out of my system.

#414

⇓

Bash some nerds.

#415

⇓

- Absolutely. - Get bowed up.

#416

⇓

You know what? You gotta teach him how to beat nerds up.

#417

⇓

He's gotta be beating nerds up.

#418

⇓

These are good ideas for raising a kid.

#419

⇓

We have a lot of ideas about raising a kid.

#420

⇓

We are men who can be great dads.

#421

⇓

We have great opinions.

#422

⇓

Yeah. And that's all that parenting is…

#423

⇓

Pretending you know what you're talking about

#424

⇓

and then jamming it down a kid's throat.

#425

⇓

Oh, my God. That's what we're gonna do.

#426

⇓

When I see that baby, dude, we're gonna run towards it.

#427

⇓

I'm gonna grab it. I'm gonna pick him up.

#428

⇓

And jam shit down his throat!

#429

⇓

- Dude. - Dude, we're gonna be the dad.

#430

⇓

We're so much better dads than these guys.

#431

⇓

Yeah, look at this.

#432

⇓

- Yeah! Yeah! - Yeah! Yeah!

#433

⇓

I can't wait to tell him. I can't wait… This is so exciting.

#434

⇓

There he is. Hey, Dennis, Dennis. We have news.

#435

⇓

We have wonderful news.

#436

⇓

Charlie and I have decided that we are going to be

#437

⇓

the father of this child.

#438

⇓

Dude, we did a complete 180.

#439

⇓

You know what? You guys, I did a 180 too. I totally did.

#440

⇓

I was all pissy this morning about having to be at the hospital.

#441

⇓

And then I was thinking about it, I realized I've been firing

#442

⇓

on all cylinders because of this baby thing.

#443

⇓

Dude, I did this Weekend at Bernie's operation earlier

#444

⇓

that would have blown you guys' minds…

#445

⇓

It was very effective.

#446

⇓

And then I busted out this sweet Thor line on this lady

#447

⇓

because she was pissing me off.

#448

⇓

It was, like, boom! I really hit her with it.

#449

⇓

And I never reference the Nordic gods.

#450

⇓

What are you saying though, because I don't understand what your point is.

#451

⇓

What are you talking about?

#452

⇓

I'm saying I wanna be the dad too. I'm totally into it.

#453

⇓

- Okay. - That steps on our thing a little bit…

#454

⇓

- 'Cause we were doing the… - Maybe instead of doing

#455

⇓

a My Two Dads type thing,

#456

⇓

we could fold in another dad

#457

⇓

and do a Three Men and a Baby type situation.

#458

⇓

Three Men and a Baby… That's what it is. I like that.

#459

⇓

An equally effective movie, right?

#460

⇓

- A great movie. - Did we miss it?

#461

⇓

Did we miss it?

#462

⇓

No. It was… What's going on? Who are all these people?

#463

⇓

I couldn't decide who the dad was,

#464

⇓

so I brought everybody.

#465

⇓

You didn't try and decide who the dad was.

#466

⇓

You just got high.

#467

⇓

Well, the interrogation did turn into a coke party.

#468

⇓

But they all promised to have blood tests.

#469

⇓

If this kid is mine, I'm gonna blow my brains out.

#470

⇓

Oh, he got zooted, man. He took an eight-ball to the dome.

#471

⇓

No, no, Frank. Dude, get these guys out of here, all right?

#472

⇓

We're gonna be the father of the baby now. We don't need them.

#473

⇓

We're gonna be the fathers. It has been decided, so sayeth Thor.

#474

⇓

- Thor said it. - The who?

#475

⇓

- Thor. - Who Thor?

#476

⇓

Is that your Greek god reference?

#477

⇓

- He's a Nordic god. - Nordic god.

#478

⇓

No. I said something else earlier that sounded a lot cooler than that.

#479

⇓

That one didn't really work.

#480

⇓

Guys. Guys, here she comes. She's coming.

#481

⇓

How do we make it a big moment?

#482

⇓

I wanna make it a big moment, you know.

#483

⇓

With music. Duncan, play something special.

#484

⇓

Come on, Frank, I got the perfect thing.

#485

⇓

Okay, great.

#486

⇓

- Why do they have the… - I don't know.

#487

⇓

Pray God you can cope

#488

⇓

I'll stand outside

#489

⇓

This woman's work

#490

⇓

This woman's world

#491

⇓

Ooh, it's hard on the man

#492

⇓

Now his part is over

#493

⇓

Now starts the craft

#494

⇓

Of the father

#495

⇓

I know you have a little life in you yet

#496

⇓

I know you have a lot

#497

⇓

Carmen? What are you doing here?

#498

⇓

- I'm here to get my baby. - What?

#499

⇓

Oh, yeah. The tranny's the dad.

#500

⇓

Yeah!

#501

⇓

- You had sex with the tranny? - No. I was their surrogate.

#502

⇓

We used her sperm and a donor egg,

#503

⇓

and then they just kind of right up there and…

#504

⇓

We had a difficult time finding a surrogate,

#505

⇓

but Dee here was a miracle to us.

#506

⇓

See, I can't have kids of my own, and Carmen always wanted a baby.

#507

⇓

Yeah. Great, great. Miracle for you. How wonderful.

#508

⇓

Dee, you tricked us?

#509

⇓

- How did I trick you? - We were getting all pumped up

#510

⇓

about being this baby's dad.

#511

⇓

We were all keyed up for nothing.

#512

⇓

If we knew you were doing this stupid surrogate thing again,

#513

⇓

we would have just completely ignored your pregnancy.

#514

⇓

You did ignore my pregnancy.

#515

⇓

This has been a huge disappointment for us.

#516

⇓

Why?

#517

⇓

We were gonna be great dads.

#518

⇓

We were gonna impose our will on the kid.

#519

⇓

We had a Three Men and a Baby thing going on. It was going to be great.

#520

⇓

- Oh, okay, I'm sorry. - I have to admit,

#521

⇓

this whole thing might be for the best.

#522

⇓

Those two are gonna make great parents, much better parents than any of us would.

#523

⇓

- Don't you think? - Yeah. I guess.

#524

⇓

You know, a baby would've screwed up our chemistry.

#525

⇓

It might've. Yeah.

#526

⇓

We got a good thing going. Why blow it with a baby?

#527

⇓

That being said, don't get knocked up anymore, Dee.

#528

⇓

- It's getting old. - Oh, yeah. No, no. no.

#529

⇓

I didn't enjoy any of it.

#530

⇓

So, what I'm confused on is…

#531

⇓

the mother is the father and the father is black…

#532

⇓

- and the baby's not black, so… - It's all been explained.

#533

⇓

- Yeah. - I'll talk you through it later.

#534

⇓

All right. Then what is your deal? Do we pop you back in there?

#535

⇓

Are you done having babies? What's going on?

#536

⇓

Can you take me to go get a beer?

#537

⇓

- I need a beer. - I could go for a beer.

#538

⇓

You guys wanna go back to the bar?

#539

⇓

- Yeah! - Hey, you guys.

#540

⇓

Let's bring the party back to the bar.

#541

⇓

Bring the music. Let's go.

#542

⇓

What the hell's happening back there?

#543

⇓

A few buddies came along.

#544

⇓

- Don't worry about it, Dee. - Let's party in the sewer.

#545

⇓

- Oh, yeah. - I'm not going into a sewer.

#546

⇓

What is your obsession with the sewer these days?

#547

⇓

- You find great stuff down there. - Like what?

#548

⇓

- Like sewage. - Ha-ha! Good one, Dee.

#549

⇓

She's back, baby. She's back.

#550

⇓

Supposing it's storming and a guy loses his ring and it goes into the gutter?

#551

⇓

Is this the ring story again? I'm getting real tired of ring story.

#552

⇓

You gotta come up with something else, Frank.

#553

⇓

You can't keep using the same…

#554

⇓

Like, give me some crack. You know what I'm sayin', dawg?

#555

⇓

We'll get more. We'll get more.

#556

⇓