♥ Saved GIFs

Loading…

View all favorites →

Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S06E03 — The Gang Buys a Boat

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 6, Episode 3 — The Gang Buys a Boat

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: The Gang Buys a Boat

Air date: September 30, 2010

Director: Randall Einhorn

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

The gang attempts to find adventure on the sea after they purchase their 'new' boat.

Source: TMDB

↓

Thank you so much for taking the time to meet with us.,

meet

↓

Yes. This shouldn't take long. Uh-uh.

↓

- So, you'd like to buy a boat. - Yes. We have recently

boat recently

↓

come into a considerable amount of money.

amount money

↓

Now, we're not gonna bore you with the details,

bore details

↓

but let's just say my friends here set off on a certain towel venture…

certain friends towel venture

↓

- Dicktowel.com. - Yeah.

↓

Actually, you're not supposed to talk about the name of it.

name supposed

↓

That's true. But…yeah, technically, we're doing a couple of things

couple technically

↓

on the hush-hush from Uncle Sam.

hush uncle

↓

The point is, we're flush.

flush point

↓

We are $2,500 flush, so don't worry about that.

flush worry

↓

We'd like to take some of that money

money

↓

- and taste a little bit of the high life. - Absolutely.

absolutely life taste

↓

We've also talked our friend into throwing his entire life savings into the venture.

entire entire-life friend life savings talked throwing venture

↓

That's right. You see, I'm in it for the lifestyle…

lifestyle

↓

as well as the great investment.

investment

↓

Okay. Well, then what is it you guys are looking for?

looking

↓

Let's talk needs, please. I'd like to talk needs first.

needs

↓

Now, I have the need for speed. It's very important. It's inherent.

speed

↓

There's nothing I can do about it, so speed is a must.

must speed

↓

Absolutely. But we are also looking to entertain guests upon this boat, so…

absolutely boat entertain guests looking

↓

Yeah. We're gonna throw some P. Diddy-style parties up on the deck.

deck diddy parties style throw

↓

Um, can we talk shrimp for a minute?

minute shrimp

↓

I'd like the boat to be able to haul in a tremendous amount of shrimp.

able amount boat haul shrimp tremendous

↓

Sort of a Forrest Gump size amount of shrimp.

amount shrimp size

↓

Um, you should be writing this down, I think.

writing

↓

Why are you not writing this down?

writing

↓

Oh, uh, let me just see if I have this right here.

↓

And, please, correct me if I'm wrong.

correct

↓

It seems like what you guys are looking for

looking seems

↓

is some sort of a P. Diddy-style shrimping vessel.

diddy style vessel

↓

Oh, right! You're a really good listener,

listener

↓

and I didn't peg you for one when I walked in here

walked

↓

'cause of the pinky ring, but that's great.

pinky ring

↓

You know, I've got just the boat for you.

boat

↓

Well, here she is, the Drowning Sailor.

drowning sailor

↓

But, uh, it doesn't meet, well, any of your specs.

meet specs

↓

Look, I'm gonna level with you, pal.

level

↓

We saw this comin' a mile away.

comin mile

↓

We've had our hearts set on this boat thing for days now,

boat days hearts

↓

which, in our world, is a level of focus

focus level world

↓

in which I personally have never experienced.

experienced personally

↓

But I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say…

limb

↓

- We'll take it! - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

↓

What are you doing? I was doing a thing.

↓

- You're takin' a long time, dude. - You're taking way too long.

takin

↓

We wanted to buy a boat. Let's get the boat.

boat wanted

↓

It was taking a little while because I was doing a presentation…

presentation

↓

Dennis, what if someone walks down the deck and makes an offer before us?

deck dennis makes offer walks

↓

Nobody's gonna make an offer before I finish my thing.

finish nobodys offer

↓

They might have. We're not the only people in town that want a boat.

boat might town

↓

I'm confused. Are you gonna take the boat or not?

boat confused

↓

Yes, we're taking the boat, we're buying the boat.

boat buying

↓

I wanted to add a little fanfare into the situation,

fanfare situation wanted

↓

but my friends here couldn't wait for that.

friends

↓

Yes, we're…we're taking the boat.

boat

↓

What a score!

score

↓

- Houseboat, huh? - Yeah. Abso…

↓

well, the houseboat offers all the advantages of a house,

advantages house offers

↓

but with the excitement of the sea.

excitement

↓

- Think of all the fish we're gonna catch. - Not just fish, Frank.

catch fish frank

↓

You gotta start thinking about shrimp, okay?

shrimp start start-thinking thinking

↓

We're gonna be hauling in so much shrimp every day

shrimp

↓

it's gonna pay for itself 10 times over.

times

↓

Picture tiny shrimp crawling all over this boat, every inch of it.

boat crawling inch picture shrimp tiny

↓

Okay. But, guys, can we not focus on the shrimp?

focus shrimp

↓

'Cause we have so much work to do.

↓

It's a shrimp boat. I'd like to have at least one conversation about shrimp.

boat conversation least shrimp

↓

No, no, shrimp is a very small aspect of the whole…

aspect shrimp whole

↓

- Most important part of the… - No, you know,

part

↓

I tell you what, shrimp or no shrimp, I'm very excited about it.

excited shrimp

↓

- Yeah. - And I say we take this lady

lady

↓

- out onto the sea and get loaded. - Well, slow your roll there, Dee.

loaded roll slow

↓

The lady's not quite ready to go out to the sea yet.

ladys ready

↓

There's a lot of prep work that still has to be done.

prep

↓

So, actually, Frank and Charlie, I want you to start

charlie frank start

↓

by scraping the barnacles off the bottom of the boat,

boat bottom scraping

↓

'cause that probably hasn't been done in years,

years

↓

while Dee and Mac and I go into the inside

↓

and check out the decor situation.

check situation

↓

- Huh? - Mmm.

↓

- One word. - Shrimp.

shrimp word

↓

Okay. Yeah. No. Just as I suspected.

suspected

↓

We got our work cut out for us, guys.

↓

This isn't Diddy-esque at all.

diddy

↓

No. No. We gotta get rid of all this shit.

↓

Are you guys crazy? This boat is awesome.

awesome boat crazy

↓

How about a little of this?

↓

Huh?

↓

What the hell is that?

↓

This? That's my P. Diddy boat dance. Uh-huh!

boat dance diddy

↓

You look like one of those inflatable dancing things at the used-car lot,

dancing inflatable used

↓

- the ones that flail around in the wind. - No, I don't. I look good.

ones wind

↓

No, Dee. That's exactly what you look like.

↓

I promise you that's what you look like. You can't dance for shit.

dance promise

↓

I can dance, and you don't know what you're talking about.

dance

↓

I'm gonna bring one in so you can see it.

bring

↓

Okay. Why don't you bring the guy in. We'll have a dance competition.

bring competition dance

↓

I'm gonna be the judge of that contest.

contest judge

↓

There's not gonna be a contest. No, stop. Everybody stop. Shut up!

contest everybody

↓

No. No, nobody's bringing any trashy inflatable man on this boat.

boat bringing inflatable nobodys

↓

Absolutely not. Dee, stop dancing.

absolutely dancing

↓

You look like an asshole.

asshole

↓

We're not there yet. We have a lot of work to do first.

↓

Okay, Dee, since you didn't invest any money in this venture,

invest money venture

↓

you're gonna be the one that's got to do all the hard labor here,

hard labor

↓

so I need you to get rid of all this shit, and make the boat look nice, okay?

boat

↓

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hard work? What are you talking about?

hard whoa whoa-whoa whoa-whoa-whoa

↓

Work first, and then you can do your weird,

weird

↓

inflatable tube-man P. Diddy dance.

dance diddy inflatable tube

↓

Or whatever it is.

↓

You know what I'm looking forward to

forward looking looking-forward

↓

is catching me some Delaware River catfish.

catching catfish delaware river

↓

- Oh, yeah! - They are so tasty!

tasty

↓

I used to eat 'em when I was a kid.

used

↓

You can't buy 'em in the stores no more.

stores

↓

- Why is that? - The goddamned E.P.A.

goddamned

↓

They says they're toxic.

toxic

↓

Toxic, my ass. I mean, they're just endangered.

endangered toxic

↓

- Frank… - They're tasty, man.

frank tasty

↓

…this boat is the best investment I ever made, man.

best boat investment

↓

I mean, it's huge!

huge

↓

Hey, guys, uh, we're gonna pop over to the boat store real quick

boat quick real real-quick store

↓

and grab some, uh…whoa!

grab whoa

↓

What the hell are you guys doing?

↓

We're loading our gear.

gear loading

↓

No, no, no, no. You should not be loading.

loading

↓

No one should be bringing anything onto the boat.

boat bringing

↓

- You should be scraping, okay? So scrape. - Yes.

scrape scraping

↓

Oh, well, we're gonna scrape the boat. We are gonna scrape the boat.

boat scrape

↓

Are you patronizing me?

patronizing

↓

Don't patronize me. Don't do that.

patronize

↓

Dude, no one's patronizing you, all right?

ones patronizing

↓

Look, here's what we'll do.

↓

We'll scrape all these little delicious oysters

delicious oysters scrape

↓

or whatever off the side of the boat.

boat side

↓

We'll put them on a pot, we'll boil 'em up before you get back.

boil

↓

- We'll cook 'em for you. - There you go.

cook

↓

No, no, those are barnacles. Do not eat those.

↓

And do not cook them in a pot and serve them to us.

cook serve

↓

- Okay, all that. - Don't do it.

↓

Honestly, don't eat those.

↓

- You'll get very, very sick, okay? - Yeah.

sick

↓

Now that is a direct order from your captain.

captain direct order

↓

Whoa! Since when are you the captain?

captain whoa

↓

Well, clearly I'm the captain. Who else would be the captain?

captain

↓

I feel like I would be the captain. Dennis?

captain dennis

↓

- I don't give a shit. - I'm captain! I called it! Locked in.

called captain locked

↓

Boom. Scrape. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

boom scrape

↓

I ain't scraping shit.

aint scraping

↓

- No, we're not scraping! - No, no scraping.

scraping

↓

Here's what we're gonna do.

↓

- We're going to fire up the boat, right? - Yeah.

boat fire

↓

We're gonna take it out into the ocean. We're gonna get some oysters.

ocean oysters

↓

And shrimp. And shrimpies!

shrimp

↓

- Toss me the keys. - Here you go.

keys toss

↓

What the hell was that?

↓

It's the keys. I threw 'em right at ya.

keys threw

↓

I asked you to toss 'em! You threw 'em overhand!

asked threw toss

↓

- That's the way I throw. - Well, jump in there and get 'em.

jump throw

↓

- I'm not going in there. I don't sink. - What?

sink

↓

I get in there, I just bob around like a cauliflower.

↓

Don't give me lines, man. Jump in the ocean

jump lines ocean

↓

- and get the damn keys. - No, I'm not going in.

keys

↓

Charlie, I'm not going in. I mean, it's your boat. You go on in.

boat charlie

↓

You son of a bitch.

bitch

↓

All right.

↓

- Yo. - Hey, buddy.

buddy

↓

Uh, I got us some turpentine, some wax and some high-gloss boat paint.

boat gloss paint

↓

- This shit is really expensive. - Dude, you're telling me.

expensive telling

↓

I picked us up some new slacks and Docksiders

picked

↓

so we could have the right look and fit in and everything.

↓

We're running pretty low on remaining dick towel money though.

dick money remaining running towel

↓

Plus we got to fill that thing up with gas.

fill plus

↓

I know, man. We got to pop by the department store,

department store

↓

pick up the mattress.

mattress pick

↓

I want to get a nice one too, you know.

↓

The what? The mattress? What do we need a mattress for?

mattress

↓

What do you mean what do we need a mattress for?

mattress

↓

Why in the hell did you think we just spent all that money on a boat?

boat money spent

↓

The whole purpose of buying the boat in the first place

boat buying place purpose whole

↓

was to get the ladies nice and tipsy topside,

ladies tipsy

↓

so we can take them to a nice comfortable place below deck

comfortable deck place

↓

and, you know, they can't refuse,

refuse

↓

because of the implication.

implication

↓

Oh. Uh, okay.

↓

You had me going there for the first part.

part

↓

The second half kind of threw me.

half second second-half threw

↓

Well, dude, dude, think about it.

↓

She's out in the middle of nowhere with some dude she barely knows.

barely knows middle

↓

You know, she looks around, and what does she see?

↓

Nothing but open ocean.

ocean open

↓

"Ah, there's nowhere for me to run.

↓

What am I going to do, say no?"

↓

Okay. That…

↓

- That seems really dark. - No, it's not dark.

dark seems

↓

You're misunderstanding me, bro.

misunderstanding

↓

- I think I am. - Yeah, you are.

↓

Because if the girl said no,

girl

↓

- then the answer obviously is no. - No.

answer obviously

↓

The thing is, she's not gonna say no.

↓

She would never say no, because of the implication.

implication

↓

Now, you've said that word "implication" a couple of times.

couple implication times word

↓

Wh…What implication?

implication

↓

The implication that things might go wrong for her if she refuses to sleep with me.

implication might refuses sleep

↓

Now, not that things are gonna go wrong for her,

↓

but she's thinking that they will.

thinking

↓

But it sounds like she doesn't want to have sex with you.

sounds

↓

- Why aren't you understanding this? - I don't…

understanding

↓

She doesn't know whether she wants to have sex with me.

wants whether

↓

That's not the issue. Are you gonna hurt women?

hurt issue women

↓

- I'm not going to hurt these women. - Oh, okay.

hurt women

↓

- Why would I ever hurt these women? - I don't know.

hurt women

↓

- I feel like you're not getting this. - I'm not getting it.

↓

Goddamn.

goddamn

↓

Don't you look at me like that. You certainly wouldn't be in any danger.

certainly danger

↓

- So they are in danger? - No one's in any danger.

danger ones

↓

How can I make that any more clear to you?

clear

↓

Okay, it's an implication of danger.

danger implication

↓

- You know what? Just drop it. - Let's drop it.

drop

↓

Buy your shit and let's get out of here.

↓

Oh, Charlie. Charlie, you got 'em?

charlie charlie-charlie

↓

- No keys. Can't find 'em. - What?

keys

↓

- I found a couple cool things. - What?

cool couple found

↓

- I got a tooth. - Ooh, look at that.

tooth

↓

- It's like a horse's tooth or something. - Ah, yeah.

horses tooth

↓

- And look at this bullet. - Ooh! This is a war relic.

bullet

↓

This could be valuable.

valuable

↓

What the hell happened down there? Some kind of horse massacre?

happened horse massacre

↓

- Could be. - Could be, right?

↓

- Yeah. - There's so much cool shit down there,

cool

↓

I'm gonna keep diving, looking for it.

diving looking

↓

I need a flashlight 'cause it's dark.

dark flashlight

↓

Flashlight coming up.

coming flashlight

↓

Just toss it to me real quick.

quick real real-quick toss

↓

- Come on, man. - I throw overhand, Charlie. Ooh.

charlie throw

↓

Stop

↓

Drop

drop

↓

Shut 'em down open up shop

open shop

↓

Oh

↓

What the hell are you doing in here?

↓

Aw, just throwing all these old, like,

throwing

↓

dolls and compasses and hair brushes and shit overboard.

dolls hair overboard

↓

Mac and Dennis are making me clean up.

clean dennis

↓

- Well, this is a shit-hole, isn't it? - Yeah.

hole

↓

- Maybe we should gut it. - All right.

↓

Let's see. Ooh.

↓

Ah! Here we go.

↓

Now let's see. Start with this beautiful baby here.

baby start

↓

Whoa!

whoa

↓

Crash and burn.

burn crash

↓

Holy mackerel.

holy

↓

Die, you sucker!

sucker

↓

Oh, baby, look out.

baby

↓

Whoa!

whoa

↓

That ain't good.

aint

↓

Whoa, Christ!

christ whoa

↓

Think about, like, all the movies and the books

books movies

↓

and all the stories of all the terrible, awful, awful things

awful stories

↓

that have happened out in the middle of the ocean.

happened middle ocean

↓

You know, that's the stuff that's rattling around in her head,

head rattling stuff

↓

you know, informing her decision as to whether she sleeps with me or not.

decision sleeps whether

↓

That's all I'm saying. It's not like a big thing or…

↓

Uh-huh.

↓

Look, I need you to understand this, okay?

↓

You're making it seem like I'm some sort of monster.

monster

↓

Yeah, okay.

↓

Hey, wha… what is going on in there?

↓

- Like this? - It's more like a rolling sway.

rolling sway

↓

Like this? Here you go.

↓

What the hell are you guys doing in here?

↓

Oh, my God. What the hell did you do to our boat?

boat

↓

- Uh, we were cleaning it. - What…What…

cleaning

↓

What's that all about?

↓

You're just breaking everything in this boat.

boat breaking

↓

You were supposed to be fixing it up and making it look nice.

fixing supposed

↓

Crew meeting! Crew meeting!

crew meeting

↓

- Where is Charlie? - He's in the water.

charlie water

↓

What is he doing in the water?

water

↓

Charlie.

charlie

↓

- Oh, dude, what are you doing? - Oh, hey, guys, come here.

↓

You are not going to believe how much cool shit is under the boat.

believe boat cool

↓

There's like a whole world of ancient stuff.

ancient stuff whole whole-world world

↓

There was a horse massacre in the Revolutionary time,

horse massacre

↓

and then there's like a pirate ship.

pirate ship

↓

Like, I found all these old pretty little dolls. She's pretty, right?

dolls found

↓

- No. - Maybe like a brush,

brush

↓

- like a pirate was brushing his hair… - No!

brushing hair pirate

↓

…killed a horse and then jumped in the ocean.

horse jumped killed ocean

↓

- Goddamn it! - I've been cleaning up in there for hours

cleaning goddamn goddamn-it hours

↓

throwing this shit overboard, and you're just dragging it all back up.

dragging overboard throwing

↓

You've been dumping the trash in the ocean?

dumping ocean trash

↓

Wait, wait. Why are you swimming in the water in the first place?

place swimming water

↓

- He dropped the keys in the water. - No, I did not.

dropped keys water

↓

All right, first of all, he threw the keys at me overhand.

keys threw

↓

You should have seen this throw.

seen throw

↓

We leave you guys alone for 45 minutes,

alone minutes

↓

and you destroy the interior of the boat, you lose the keys…

boat destroy interior keys lose

↓

I can get those keys.

keys

↓

I need you guys to buy some scuba equipment

equipment scuba

↓

- so I can stay down there longer. - Do you realize

longer realize

↓

how much money scuba equipment costs?

costs equipment money scuba

↓

No. Rent the cheap stuff.

cheap rent stuff

↓

Just rent some cheap stuff, all right?

cheap rent stuff

↓

In the meantime, we'll clear all this stuff off.

clear meantime stuff

↓

We'll start to paint, all right?

paint start

↓

By the time you guys come back, I promise you, I promise,

promise

↓

the boat will be looking better.

boat looking

↓

I can't tell. Is he patronizing me again?

patronizing

↓

- I can't even tell anymore. - No. No.

anymore

↓

What he's saying is really stupid, but it's sincere, okay?

sincere stupid

↓

It's sincere this time. You're just a little sensitive to it now.

sensitive sincere

↓

- Sorry, Charlie. - I'm sorry too.

charlie

↓

That was patronizing! You can't patronize your captain.

captain patronize patronizing

↓

- Come on. Come on. - That's a sea law.

↓

Yo, dude.

↓

You realize how much boating equipment costs?

boating costs equipment realize

↓

It's crazy. It's astronomical.

crazy

↓

I can't believe how much they charge for this shit.

believe charge

↓

You know, Dee, Frank and Charlie are driving me crazy.

charlie crazy driving frank

↓

We're spending all of our dick towel money.

dick money spending towel

↓

They're throwing keys into the water and losing everything.

keys losing throwing water

↓

You're not even listening to me.

listening

↓

No, I heard you. You said a bunch of words, right?

bunch heard words

↓

Look at this.

↓

What is that? It's like some kind of dock party mixer, dude.

dock mixer party

↓

It's a flyer. Look at these chicks. And an anchor.

anchor chicks flyer

↓

Dude, that's what we need to be doing.

↓

We need to mix it up at mixers with other boat people

boat

↓

and living the lifestyle.

lifestyle living

↓

You're right. Okay, cool.

cool

↓

And then we'll be back in the high life again.

life

↓

- Yeah. - Like Stevie Nicks.

stevie

↓

Yeah…no, that's actually Steve Winwood.

steve

↓

- Right. Same dude, right? - It's not the same dude.

↓

Actually, one's not even a dude.

ones

↓

- Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm sure.

↓

It doesn't matter, dude. I love that song. Let's buy that CD.

love matter song

↓

Well, first of all, I love that song too.

love song

↓

That's why I already own the CD.

↓

I own all of Steve Winwood's shit. You should know this.

steve

↓

And secondly, we have not been on the same page all day.

page secondly

↓

We can't be spending money on CDs that I already own.

money spending spending-money

↓

We're spending too much money as it is.

money spending

↓

It's bad enough I let you buy that stupid inflatable guy from the car lot.

inflatable stupid

↓

Wanna get dirty

dirty

↓

Stop it!

↓

Stop it! Goddamn it, don't!

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

It's not the puffy guy. It's this music.

music puffy

↓

- This aggressive music you're playing. - Huh?

aggressive music playing

↓

This is not boat music.

boat music

↓

It's got nothing to do with the music.

music

↓

Listen to me. Listen to me!

↓

I'm turning it off.

turning

↓

Riled you up.

riled

↓

- Yo, you guys. - Look at you, fighting with a green guy.

fighting green

↓

You're never going to believe what I just found floating

believe floating found

↓

off the end of the boat.

boat

↓

Okay, I'm scraping those little delicious oysters

delicious oysters scraping

↓

- off the bottom, right? - Hey. Hey!

bottom

↓

- Why is this turned off? - You're back. You don't even…

turned

↓

Well, well, I got to say, guys, I'm very impressed.

impressed

↓

The boat's really starting to come along.

along boats starting

↓

I didn't think you guys had it in you.

↓

Yeah, there's a couple more brushes here and a little paint.

couple paint

↓

Get to work. We'll do the trim and then we'll be done.

trim

↓

Us? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

↓

- We're not going to be doing any of that. - No, no, no.

↓

You're not gonna be doing any of that? What do you mean?

↓

We're not gonna be doing any of the work.

↓

That's what you guys are doing. That was the whole deal.

deal whole

↓

- No, we got a party to get ready for. - Yeah.

party ready

↓

Wait, what, we're going to do all the work while you guys go to a party?

party

↓

- We got to socialize. - Yeah.

socialize

↓

I could socialize.

socialize

↓

Uh, no. Not looking like you're looking.

looking

↓

You're covered in paint and dirt and grime and all kinds of shit.

covered dirt kinds paint

↓

Your skin looks like leather and you got blisters all over your lips.

leather lips skin

↓

- You guys look absolutely terrible. - Wow.

absolutely

↓

Well, we're out of here.

↓

So, Charlie,

charlie

↓

there's your, uh, here's your scuba gear.

gear scuba

↓

Find the keys. Just find 'em.

keys

↓

Oh, guys, keep up the good work.

↓

See, now they flipped it around.

flipped

↓

They're patronizing us.

patronizing

↓

- They're absolutely patronizing us, Frank. - That's right.

absolutely frank patronizing

↓

But don't take it to heart, 'cause I got something

heart

↓

that's going to cheer you up.

cheer

↓

- What? - Guess who found the keys.

found keys

↓

- The keys! - You found the keys!

found keys

↓

They were just floating under the boat. They got a little floaty thing.

boat floating

↓

This is amazing, by the way, these floaty things.

amazing

↓

- We should patent this. - Yeah, it's great.

patent

↓

Okay, I think this is it. Now this is much more our speed.

speed

↓

These are the kind of people we should be hanging out with.

hanging

↓

Man, now this is a boat.

boat

↓

Ahoy, ahoy.

ahoy

↓

Hi. Hi. A couple of fellow yachters.

couple fellow

↓

Saw your flyer at the boat…store.

boat flyer store

↓

Oh.

↓

Do…Do we have the wrong yacht?

yacht

↓

No, no, no. Come on in. Grab a drink.

drink grab

↓

We're just getting warmed up.

warmed

↓

- Okay. - Sure. We'll just…

↓

Yeah.

↓

- Uh, can I talk to you for a second? - Yeah.

second

↓

Um, this isn't the crowd I was expecting.

crowd expecting

↓

These guys are more barnacle covered and sunburned than Dee and Frank.

covered frank

↓

Let's not rush to judgment, okay?

judgment rush

↓

These are real men of the sea.

real

↓

Maybe this whole thing isn't about meeting girls.

girls meeting whole

↓

Maybe it's about having an adventure, you know?

adventure having

↓

An open-ocean adventure.

adventure ocean open

↓

Take a look at this guy. How'd he lose that hand?

hand howd lose

↓

I bet you it was some kind of crazy adventure, right?

adventure crazy

↓

Let's find out.

↓

Yeah. Let's go talk to him.

↓

Hey, bro, how'd you lose that hand?

hand howd lose

↓

Diabetes.

diabetes

↓

Oh.

↓

Um…

↓

That's not, uh, much of an adventure, is it?

adventure

↓

- Mmm. - Kind of tragic.

tragic

↓

- Yeah. - Yeah.

↓

You know, we'll let you get back to…

↓

we're gonna go over to the bar and grab a drink.

drink grab

↓

I'd offer to pour you a drink, but you probably can't drink though

drink offer pour

↓

with the, uh,

↓

- diabetes. - Diabetes.

diabetes

↓

- Uh, yeah. - Yeah.

↓

Okay, you know what? I was wrong, dude.

↓

- This is a bummer. - Yeah, this is a major bummer.

bummer major

↓

Let's get the hell out of here. What do you say?

↓

Hey, listen guys, thanks for everything. I think we're just gonna take off though.

thanks

↓

No, no, no, no. Don't do that.

↓

We're just getting warmed up.

warmed

↓

We're going to set sail soon,

sail

↓

and we're going to have a couple of tasty treats out there.

couple tasty tasty-treats treats

↓

It's going to get nuts out there, fellas, right?

fellas nuts

↓

We're going to be out on open ocean, right?

ocean open

↓

Huh? Anything can happen out there.

happen

↓

No laws. Right, boys?

boys laws

↓

Just us and our tasty treats.

tasty tasty-treats treats

↓

Okay. That was an implication, right?

implication

↓

That was definitely the implication.

implication

↓

Tasty treats? Are we the tasty treats?

tasty tasty-treats treats

↓

- We're the tasty treats in this scenario. - Yes, we're the tasty treats.

scenario tasty tasty-treats treats

↓

They're gonna take us out into the open ocean.

ocean open

↓

They're going to have their way with us, Mac.

↓

We gotta get out of here.

↓

Is this how you wanted those women to feel?

wanted women

↓

No. You know what? I don't enjoy having this conversation with you.

conversation enjoy having

↓

I feel like you're lumping me in with them.

↓

Now, gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for.

gentlemen moment waiting

↓

- Whoo! Yeah. - The ladies have arrived.

arrived ladies whoo

↓

* I'll be back in the high life again *

life

↓

* All the doors I closed one time *

closed doors

↓

* Will open up again *

open

↓

* I'll be back in the high life again *

life

↓

Oh, Frank, you were absolutely right.

absolutely frank

↓

This is boat music.

boat music

↓

Yeah, this is the kind of music you ought to listen to.

music ought

↓

I am learning some amazing moves from this guy.

amazing learning moves

↓

Yeah, you're doing great.

↓

You got the moves.

moves

↓

Does anybody want any more catfish?

anybody catfish

↓

Yo, dude, definitely give me another one of those.

another

↓

They're delicious! And you can taste

delicious taste

↓

- that sort of endangered tang. - That's it.

endangered tang

↓

Oh, hold on. I'm getting a call.

↓

Y'ello.

yello

↓

Hey, Charlie, did you guys ever find those keys?

charlie keys

↓

Yeah, man, I did, actually. I did. Can you believe that?

believe

↓

Okay, great.

↓

I need you to grab Frank and Dee and get the hell out of there,

frank grab

↓

because we're gonna be bringing back a couple of tasty treats,

bringing couple tasty tasty-treats treats

↓

if you know what I'm saying.

↓

Hey, man, yeah. Absolutely.

absolutely

↓

I'll get right on that.

↓

- What? - That's how you patronize someone

patronize

↓

- right there. - What, what, what, what, what?

↓

Dennis being a dick. Don't worry about it, man.

dennis dick worry

↓

Hey, this scuba equipment's broken. It's useless.

broken scuba useless

↓

The hell with it. Let's get back to shrimping.

↓

I'm gonna toss this shit. It's crap anyway.

toss

↓

Ooh, that's not good.

↓

Uh, hey, um, what do you do if the boat is on fire?

boat fire

↓

- What do you mean? - Boat is on fire.

boat fire

↓

- Oh, fire's getting bigger. - What?

bigger fires

↓

- Fire's getting big. - Go!

fires

↓

Fire's getting big.

fires

↓

- Help! - Holy shit!

holy

↓

- Find some water. - Find some water?

water

↓

- Find some water. - What do you mean find some water?

water

↓

- There's water everywhere. - Help!

water

↓

Help us.

↓

I cannot wait to get you ladies out into the sea.

cannot ladies

↓

It's so much more romantic in the middle of nowhere,

middle romantic

↓

where we can be completely alone,

alone completely

↓

and you can make rash decisions based on fear.

based decisions fear rash

↓

Right, Dennis?

dennis

↓

Uh, yeah. Yeah.

↓

Oh…

↓

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

whoa whoa-whoa whoa-whoa-whoa

↓

I thought we told you guys to beat it.

beat

↓

Out of my way. No more Diddy boat.

boat diddy

↓

Damn catfish nipping at my heels all the way…

catfish heels nipping

↓

endangered, my ass.

endangered

↓

- There's a billion of them out there. - Ugh. What the hell happened?

billion happened

↓

That was a hell of a swim.

swim

↓

Charlie, where's the boat? What happened to the boat?

boat charlie happened

↓

It's right there.

↓

This was a terrible investment. Whew!

investment whew