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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S06E02 — Dennis Gets Divorced

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 6, Episode 2 — Dennis Gets Divorced

TMDB episode metadata
Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Episode title: Dennis Gets Divorced
Air date: September 23, 2010
Director: Randall Einhorn
Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito
Marital bliss turns into business, as the gang experiences the emotional and economic hardships of divorce.
Source: TMDB
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Hey! Hi.
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Hey.
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Come back to bed and snuggle with me.
snuggle
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Oh. I wish I could, but I got to go to work.
wish
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But there's cab fare on the nightstand.
farenightstand
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That's the third morning in a row you've done that.
morningthird
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We're married. I'm already home, silly.
homemarriedsilly
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Right. Y-You're here. We're married, and that's cool.
coolmarried
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I'm psyched, dude. That's great. So you're…yeah. Okay.
psyched
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Well, you know, you could use the cab fare to get to work.
fare
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- Oh, I don't work. - Oh.
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Okay. I just thought maybe you weren't going to work recently
recently
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because we were going through a little bit of a honeymoon phase.
honeymoonphase
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But you're saying that you don't have a job.
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- No job. - No job at all.
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- Wow. - All yours.
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- All mine. All mine all the time. - All the time.
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Okay. Except on my work days. I do have to go to work, you know.
daysexcept
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So, that's cool though. You can just hang out here, I guess,
coolhang
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and sort of get used to the lay of the land or whatever.
landused
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Although don't go snooping around too much.
snooping
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'Cause this has all happened very fast and I haven't really had time
fasthappened
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to do a pass yet.
pass
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Don't…don't look in those drawers.
drawers
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What…what's in those drawers?
drawers
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My sex tapes. Yeah.
tapes
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- All right, I got to go to work. - I love you.
love
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I love you too, Maureen.
lovemaureen
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Uhh!
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Okay. Look, dude.
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All I'm saying is that you started off our domestic partnership
domesticpartnershipstarted
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on some very shaky, uh… very bullshitty ground, dude.
groundshaky
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And I'm saying, Charlie, you should get over it, move on.
charlie
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You signed the prenup. Case closed.
casecase-closedclosedsigned
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You told me it was the phone bill, man. Of course I signed it.
billcoursephonesigned
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Why would you think that you needed to sign a phone bill?
billneededphonesign
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I can't keep track of our financial comings and goings.
financialtrack
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When he hands me something to sign and it's about money and papers, I sign it.
handsmoneypaperssign
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Hey-o!
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Look who got a brand-new car.
brand
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I'm still a little bit confused as to why in the hell
confused
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you two got married in the first place.
marriedplace
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Yeah, Charlie gets health insurance, and I get diddly squat.
charliediddlyhealthhealth-insuranceinsurancesquat
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He's gonna get some perks. He doesn't trust me.
perkstrust
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Hey. Why in the hell are you bathing yourself in the sink?
bathingsink
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Because I don't have a home anymore.
anymorehome
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So, this is where I take a shower. This is where I live, Dennis.
dennisliveshower
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Texting me again. This is pathetic.
pathetictexting
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Back me up on this, Dennis. You got a prenup with Maureen, right?
dennismaureen
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Uh, no, I did not. Should I have?
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Should you have? You are screwed!
screwed
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Typical. This is so typical.
typical
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My God! Dee, you clearly have something you want to say.
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So let's just get it over with.
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Oh, no. No, it's no big deal. It's just Bill Ponderosa.
billbill-ponderosadealponderosa
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He's, like, obsessed with me now or something.
obsessed
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I don't know. He's texting me all the time.
texting
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He calls me, like, nonstop. He bought me a new car.
boughtcallsnonstop
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Dee, are you seriously bragging about sleeping with a married man?
braggingmarriedsleeping
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Yeah, one second you're on your high horse about how great marriage is,
horsemarriagesecond
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and now you're destroying one?
destroying
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Well, I'm not the one who's married. I didn't do anything wrong.
married
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You let him buy you a car.
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Well, Frank, I'm not gonna go passing on free cars.
carsfrankfreepassing
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Guys. Guys, guys, guys, guys.
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All this talk about marriage and Dee being such a whore has got me thinking.
marriagethinkingwhore
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I never got a bachelor party. We should go to the strip club.
bachelorbachelor-partyclubpartystripstrip-club
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- Right now? - Yeah! Immediately!
immediately
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And since you would have been my best man, you should probably throw it for me. Yeah.
bestthrow
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What? No way, dude. I'm so pissed at you for throwing me out of the apartment.
apartmentpissedthrowing
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Yeah, and I'm still pretty pissed about you not throwing me a bachelor party.
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So this way I figure we'll be even.
figure
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I'm ready for this. Being married to Charlie's got me all confused.
charliesconfusedmarriedready
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I gotta get my hetero on.
hetero
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* Wanna get dirty dirty *
dirtydirty-dirty
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* I'm gonna make your body hot, girl *
bodygirl
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* Make you sweat *
sweat
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* I'm gonna give you the time of your life, yeah *
life
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I like that move. What is that, a little motorcycle?
motorcycle
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That's pretty… yeah, not like that though.
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It's pretty good. But you gotta use a little bit more shoulder.
shoulder
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I like the way he's doing it actually.
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Yeah. 'Cause I'm like… I'm-I'm bending the bike.
bendingbike
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But that's not really how you drive a motorcycle.
drivemotorcycle
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Yeah, but you're not really driving a motorcycle.
drivingmotorcycle
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- It's my thing, okay? - All right.
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If you're not gonna take it seriously, then don't do it.
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I felt like I was doing it pretty good.
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I feel like you're taking it too seriously.
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- Let's not fight. It's a bachelor party. - Oh!
bachelorbachelor-partyfightparty
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I got a text. I got a text from the woman. "Miss you."
misstextwoman
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I'll just write back "Miss you too. Miss you too."
misswrite
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Now do I write the word "too," or should I write the number "2"?
numberwordwrite
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What's the best way to do that when we're texting?
besttexting
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Who cares, dude?
cares
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I'll do the word. I'll do the word.
word
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Okay, great! Frank, what's with the purse?
frankpurse
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This is my money bag. I'm gonna make it rain, baby.
babymoneyrain
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Whoa! Hold on. Make it rain? What is that?
rainwhoa
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You're gonna chuck money everywhere? Don't do that.
chuckmoney
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Will you lighten up? I'd like to make it rain. Can I make it rain, Mac?
lightenrain
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Why are you asking me?
asking
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Well, dude, 'cause I can't fund my own bachelor party. That's just tacky.
bachelorbachelor-partyfundpartytacky
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Fine. Excuse me. Hi.
excuse
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What is the recommended amount of money for one to make it rain?
amountmoneyrainrecommended
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I'd say at least a thousand.
leastthousand
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How much would it cost for this gentleman and I to get a nice couple's dance?
costcouplesdancegentleman
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Uh, sorry. You have to be a couple for that.
couple
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We are a couple. Charlie, documents.
charliecoupledocuments
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- All right, this is what it was all for. - Mm-hmm.
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- Look at this. We're married. - Yeah.
married
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Oh, you guys are cute. You're still gonna have to pay full price.
cutefullfull-priceprice
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Screw this. I'm gonna go make it rain. All right.
rainscrew
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All right, well, hang on a second. Give me some money.
hangmoneysecond
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Let's go, I'm your husband. Give me some money.
husbandmoney
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* Ooh, don't say maybe… *
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- There it is. - What is this?
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I'm tightening the purse strings on this relationship
purserelationshipstrings
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until there's a little bit of give and take.
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You know what, keep your money. I don't need your little allowance.
allowancemoney
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Hey, we'll see.
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Oh, "Miss you more."
miss
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That's classic Maureen right there.
classicmaureen
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She's always got to one-up me for some…some reason.
reason
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And so I'll write back what?
write
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I don't care.
care
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"Miss you most." Most. Can't get more than most, right?
miss
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So that should… that should be the end of it, right?
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So, I hope so.
hope
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Oh, man. You just cannot get enough, huh?
cannot
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Sorry for just showing up, you know, but you weren't responding to my texts.
respondingshowingtexts
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Oh, I totally get it. Once you pop, you can't stop, am I right?
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Actually, I came clean to my wife.
cleanwife
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And she kicked me out of the house.
housekicked
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- Ew. Ouch. - Yeah.
ouch
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Bet you wish you could take that one back.
wish
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So I was thinking, maybe I could stay here tonight.
thinkingtonight
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- Oh. - You are somewhat responsible for this.
responsiblesomewhat
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No. No, no, no, no.
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Can't you stay in a hotel or something. Isn't that…
hotel
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I would, but she froze my assets.
assetsfroze
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Yikes.
yikes
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Shit's getting pretty real for you, huh?
realshits
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But nonetheless, uh, I really, like I said, I don't want you in my space.
nonethelessspace
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So there's got to be a lot of other places that you could stay
places
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that aren't, you know, here.
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Dee, I gave you a car.
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You're gonna jam the car in my face, huh?
face
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Come in.
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Thanks.
thanks
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*The boys are back in town, the boys are back in town *
boystown
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* The boys are back in town *
boystown
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* Da da da da da da da da da da *
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* Da da da da da, da da da da da da da da da *
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* The boys are back in town! *
boystown
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- Whoo! - Dennis!
denniswhoo
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Hey.
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What are you doing? It is 2:00 in the morning.
morning
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- I was sleeping, Dennis. - That's cool.
cooldennissleeping
↓
09add30d-57c3-4bcf-af2b-96a31809fb22.gif
Well, you're up now, baby girl, so let's do some shots.
babybaby-girlgirlshots
↓
c4598606-f0dd-4d4b-9d72-bdab0d051f50.gif
No, I don't drink. You know that.
drink
↓
e5a64206-b220-4878-8a30-11a94929f31a.gif
I think it makes people look ugly.
makesugly
↓
d2afa662-eadd-4b44-893e-d094c98aef54.gif
I…
↓
e8ac77b6-0f78-462c-95c6-af33e86cfd64.gif
Maybe I should go to my room.
room
↓
36a16f08-55e5-4a3d-b6b5-8147ff8df863.gif
That is not your room anymore.
anymoreroom
↓
c1232112-bcf0-48f2-a805-15920c2c0893.gif
It is my craft studio, so kindly stay out of there.
craftkindlystudio
↓
a29017f1-1f50-4dcd-8e19-3e3a423685d6.gif
- What? - Don't freak out, dude.
freak
↓
62a166ad-9565-4f8c-a664-2628c22ab5f9.gif
It's all good, dude.
↓
10163f80-db6f-4956-b1e0-67f0976a4ea0.gif
She turned it into her craft studio where she makes terrible
craftmakesstudioturned
↓
939f2658-b26e-4dec-b272-608357e29eaa.gif
sweatshirts out of cats or puts cats in sweatshirts,
cats
↓
3e5beff4-88e4-46e4-ae47-f56ea5d7257b.gif
and then I'm, like, "Dude, what the hell did you do?"
↓
70c8cf7e-9376-48e5-beb7-739986be45bc.gif
What? Dennis, do not talk to me that way. I am your wife.
denniswife
↓
32ee386f-cf2b-49fb-96d8-3d8999fdf624.gif
Please show me some respect in front of your friends.
friendsfrontrespect
↓
ef25cefd-835e-40f8-b264-b7f1897e5244.gif
Uh, you know what? I'm not entirely certain that you are my wife.
certainentirelywife
↓
f8eafd31-dc65-4bb5-94da-4156cc9a7347.gif
'Cause I remember marrying Maureen Ponderosa.
marryingmaureenmaureen-ponderosaponderosaremember
↓
065d1d7c-1eae-4bd4-b389-25fa133087a9.gif
And you are no Maureen Ponderosa.
maureenmaureen-ponderosaponderosa
↓
f6f0a880-52ac-4bce-93a4-9b1bff347e12.gif
That doesn't even…I don't know what that…what?
↓
e68b66ad-9032-4d46-a802-ba46221dd870.gif
- Divorce! - What? What did you just say?
divorce
↓
eb7a2a73-4c80-40c4-b338-e33b4a5dc347.gif
I will divorce you, Maureen. I'll do it.
divorcemaureen
↓
bb3b3cce-994e-4f04-84af-3b86d54caa14.gif
Okay, you're drunk. Why don't we just go to bed…
drunk
↓
89588e6f-b99f-4457-82ff-7bb461b3e23c.gif
I'm not drunk. I'm more sober than I've ever been in my entire life.
drunkentireentire-lifelifesober
↓
9cfe9a5f-b25d-41ec-928f-195122e18e66.gif
Okay, I'm a little bit drunk… I'm totally drunk, but my mind is sober.
drunkmindsober
↓
f30fb967-69d0-4db2-b303-39393cdcf398.gif
And my mind's telling me the following,
followingmindstelling
↓
4bac2126-6ed1-4da6-9359-0f8933eab766.gif
I don't love you, Maureen. I don't love you. I never loved you.
lovelovedmaureen
↓
adb1e1d2-64bb-4b99-81b5-3861a3830311.gif
You're annoying, and you're strange.
annoyingstrange
↓
b49c4b3e-2ba2-421a-8c98-3c74e65976dd.gif
- I don't know what to say. - Don't say anything.
↓
75cfd381-bf03-4a68-8073-22e88b2e0130.gif
'Cause every time you open your mouth, I'm, like, ohh!
mouthopen
↓
f19d0ac2-ce43-4577-b39c-f26b9519cfa0.gif
It's like her breath is, like, always so bad.
breath
↓
5b4261bd-e060-4d78-bbb5-33b368661014.gif
It's like a dead tooth… it's the dead tooth.
deaddead-toothtooth
↓
fc5ac671-590f-4f7d-8521-7bcdb248e54a.gif
I'm saying it now. I'll say it. You have a dead tooth. You realize that, right?
deaddead-toothrealizetooth
↓
8e5d7c1c-6355-4a6d-b57f-493215b097ea.gif
And I hate it! And it's annoying!
annoyinghate
↓
2092b453-507b-4d87-96e6-1376383b826b.gif
I want you and your boy toy out of my apartment now!
apartment
↓
ddd61074-d9ac-43ea-a630-b1667e2bc27a.gif
- I'm the boy toy. - You're my boy toy.
↓
47f6998d-4bb1-448f-8fcf-c9b93ba50d17.gif
No, I'm not gonna leave our apartment
apartment
↓
f14316bf-570b-4e4f-bf04-4516ddff4d5d.gif
or should I say my apartment 'cause it's my apartment.
apartment
↓
d5d8827a-5ac4-4454-a36a-3d1e61beb428.gif
Oh, yeah? How about if you guys don't leave,
↓
542d52a6-f018-4fa7-933b-9c68eb4884a9.gif
I call the cops and I tell them you beat me?
beatcops
↓
dd10ea40-1b36-4576-b541-a48c8b329e40.gif
What in the hell are you talking about? I didn't touch you.
touch
↓
d67a9829-8400-4eb3-bd71-747f530f9552.gif
What-what-what are you doing? What is that?
↓
e2abd173-1639-41dc-a9ec-2e98c64e0e53.gif
- I recognize that. What is that? - Oh, shit!
recognize
↓
f0ccbf29-382a-4244-af76-cf5910975c7b.gif
That's from…that's from Fear, dude.
fear
↓
ee3c454b-410a-4139-acb3-0c4ff0b7785d.gif
- Oh, that's Marky Mark. - That's Marky Mark.
mark
↓
7ba434b2-c715-4877-92ae-2491f17de103.gif
That's what Marky Mark does. He does that. And then, um…
mark
↓
ef153f9f-8984-4a88-9b17-f0c851279b35.gif
Oh, shit, and then the cops come and he gets…
cops
↓
92cb30af-69d4-4060-b590-e89fbae9bc5a.gif
The police think that William Peterson… and he gets it.
petersonpolicewilliam
↓
d73afa80-dc9d-4ab9-947d-b14dcaec69a6.gif
- The guy from C.S.I… - Go! She means business.
business
↓
8ba0cb12-05c8-440b-af59-6d33116a6233.gif
- She means business. - Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
business
↓
14505dfa-c798-40c1-95d4-d118082213a6.gif
Oh, my God.
↓
adc74d19-99bc-4061-ac1d-c926b252a41d.gif
You are really making yourself at home here, huh?
home
↓
4d6ddaea-afe4-4bfc-af97-c9a5f856f203.gif
Yeah. Sorry.
↓
7eea350e-5a61-4543-9871-c9782480d66e.gif
- You want to have sex? - What? No.
↓
a95c9beb-704e-4f48-af09-f34fa7373173.gif
No. God, no. Please close your legs up. That's…
closelegs
↓
95f978f5-7f10-4003-93b3-f423085495ce.gif
Listen, I-I don't want to get into your personal life, you know what I mean?
lifepersonalpersonal-life
↓
0c2c90f3-6485-4cd4-8e9a-acbaffd15238.gif
It's not really any of my business. But this is really bumming me out, okay?
business
↓
f39cd369-b6d9-4d10-96c0-4ed5ce1e2f80.gif
So here's what I'd like to do.
↓
c92eb8dd-fc58-4979-aa35-567927000d3c.gif
I'd like to talk game plan with you, okay?
gamegame-planplan
↓
78541b60-1367-452e-a70d-3e00bfa08695.gif
And number one, and most importantly, uh, the car.
importantlynumber
↓
2c8ea258-81d5-41ba-9be1-90da4cec0a1c.gif
Now hear me out. It was kind of a gift.
gift
↓
d838dcd6-365d-40ce-ad4f-b6ee49a7fb40.gif
So it'd be pretty rude of you to try and…
rude
↓
ee0dab68-f6e1-459c-848b-0de7e59c9d76.gif
I don't give a shit about the car, okay? My life is in ruins.
liferuins
↓
c6d6053a-844b-4d9a-9579-739f33ce819e.gif
- I'm gonna lose my kids. - Okay, great.
kidslose
↓
f57e2d21-1b19-4dff-a62e-7189efe1033e.gif
So we're in agreement. I keep the car. That's wonderful.
agreement
↓
372a8ea2-a182-4ed2-a4cc-21f578c01880.gif
Now secondly, and this is gonna be kind of hard to hear
hardsecondly
↓
e416821d-7108-4366-9e54-e2ded3b37b95.gif
but, um, get out!
↓
1429064f-8a35-4144-a1ea-8aee1563b645.gif
Get out!
↓
44e8ca0a-8f22-45cf-acdc-b69d733cdf46.gif
You gotta go back to your wife, okay, and get out of my place!
placewife
↓
a50ad083-55dd-468a-bd9e-31ea731a944e.gif
Okay, well, I'm gonna need the car to get over there.
↓
2842bc4c-5289-4376-9275-958e626e046a.gif
Okay. Well, the car's off the table, okay?
carstable
↓
ea1d35d6-e5b1-4250-9acf-2ca9df229a67.gif
We just discussed the car and we came to an agreement that…
agreementdiscussed
↓
b1d094ab-292a-40db-a9d1-1c63135515ea.gif
stop bringing up the car, okay?
bringing
↓
8f564bef-cb18-4f1a-adf2-528951bf8406.gif
So I'll get dressed and I'll drive you over there and I'll drop you off.
dresseddrivedrop
↓
dbcff4fd-51b6-4bcb-97a2-b88332bf5091.gif
- Okay. - Okay. Well, get up.
↓
3c443d11-445e-411a-862e-789c099ec3e4.gif
Oh, God. I don't…I don't…okay, I'm gonna go in here. Jesus.
jesus
↓
bffc1c7a-cc0b-4829-b624-9a794e1c0a92.gif
Yeah. You know what I mean, I wouldn't have imagined the whole thing
imaginedwhole
↓
ae490457-30d5-43fc-8318-ed43c9088107.gif
going down the way it did.
↓
50f0ef86-52e0-453e-af6f-c1fafde3ad60.gif
It was a little uncomfortable but I'm glad, you know,
gladuncomfortable
↓
038e3400-924c-4cdf-8d74-943cd009cf7c.gif
we got our little "heart-to-heart" or whatever you want to call it,
heart
↓
b01f579c-452c-434c-bbd6-4e39d7594597.gif
out of the way. I feel like now we can set aside
aside
↓
9e7f0766-704f-4a6b-aefe-29e8bbbca175.gif
our differences and settle this whole divorce pretty amicably, you know.
differencesdivorcesettlewhole
↓
f65d0699-bd24-4b48-9a27-5438307920f6.gif
You think it's gonna be that easy, dude?
easy
↓
96dde1fd-a153-435c-8cb9-d2c601477e82.gif
Well, yeah, of course. I mean, marriage and divorce
coursedivorcemarriage
↓
41a83048-3f63-4b35-8263-df917b3de871.gif
these days is like more of a formality than anything else, you know.
daysformality
↓
463fc368-0925-4742-a3bf-dd4bccce286c.gif
It's just sort of something that you do, right?
↓
1ed717a5-6d3f-4542-b926-d5f4741fa231.gif
Don't snap at me, Charlie! You bring nothing to the table!
bringcharliesnaptable
↓
f377847d-a44b-419d-bec9-ea1ff82ae8b2.gif
- Oh! Oh! - Nothing! This is my money!
money
↓
a787523b-6e1c-4d26-946f-a10e52661a9d.gif
- I bring nothing to the table! - You bring nothing to the table!
bringtable
↓
2e3b9d7c-43a5-4892-a6bc-38540e9993f1.gif
Oh, really? Do you ever stop for one second and think about,
second
↓
785de039-2c26-4ca9-bbeb-d07ce86b3c8c.gif
"Hey, hey, where do all of the groceries come from,
groceries
↓
85c389fc-4104-4ac3-a19a-23758b483a03.gif
- Frank, okay?" - Ohh!
frank
↓
e694dd1a-0e7b-43ce-a472-6bbba7bb9a9a.gif
"Oh, how did my laundry get so clean?"
cleanlaundry
↓
9f3410d6-560f-4983-8d36-fd6a08b83d46.gif
"Oh, oh, who washed all the dishes today?"
dishestodaywashed
↓
0a8780d1-023b-4ee0-b62d-bad35bc2c51c.gif
Nobody washes the dishes!
dishesnobodywashes
↓
587f564c-6414-4e71-8d99-9bf4c8b7901b.gif
We eat the food directly off the coffee table and you know it!
coffeecoffee-tabledirectlyfoodtable
↓
3965fab4-60be-4465-bbde-ee49259b6445.gif
I cannot stand being married to you!
cannotmarriedstand
↓
59f85c2c-fd3f-414c-b992-d29ab81a5972.gif
Oh, you can't stand it? I'm gonna pull the plug.
plugpullstand
↓
233fa000-ae50-4e28-8661-30afa01b2af4.gif
You're gonna flush our marriage down the toilet?
flushmarriagetoilet
↓
c77e4d6f-f428-444a-9f41-b796da0df100.gif
Right down the toilet!
toilet
↓
62181756-32ba-4c0e-a8d4-7f54a60b25dd.gif
- Flush it, big boy! - Yes! There we go!
flush
↓
b6451eb7-ce33-4aed-929b-9b9bc5847229.gif
Flush it down the toilet 'cause I don't care!
careflushtoilet
↓
3da1022c-a3de-43dd-8c3b-3726c4ad882b.gif
Oh, yeah? I'm gonna pull the plug, but first I'm gonna draw up some documents.
documentsdrawplugpull
↓
5cdfaaf1-59f8-429f-997b-9c0fd1b49765.gif
This is gonna be an ugly-ass divorce. We're gonna get a mediator.
divorceugly
↓
ec9026c0-a20a-4d95-a562-0d5bc901df3d.gif
Okay, I got it. We'll get that idiot lawyer that helps us out.
helpsidiotlawyer
↓
b8983c64-cdf4-4c19-a32d-5f2940e200f8.gif
- He does good by us. - Yeah, he's excellent.
excellent
↓
3d33b4c8-cd4c-4500-bef5-def3162b21ec.gif
But he slapped a restraining order on us. We can't use him.
orderrestrainingrestraining-orderslapped
↓
d0851d63-8c33-400d-9e7a-c7aa1dd40a98.gif
Also, you need a lawyer too. We should talk about that.
lawyer
↓
8ba87886-ee39-47af-a8a9-759f0a8c58c7.gif
I need a lawyer? For what?
lawyer
↓
284173c1-e647-4b16-97fd-7c5821322347.gif
How are you not grasping this situation?
situation
↓
6995eafa-e1bc-4814-ae16-61bc77d1f390.gif
- Oh, for the divorce. Yeah. - The divorce.
divorce
↓
d60b775b-2d62-403b-bc3f-ea52cd5bb3a8.gif
- You getting a divorce? - Yeah.
divorce
↓
75c7d8de-8a11-4785-aff6-ffa9632d0cc1.gif
All right, so it's going around.
↓
7d77f7cc-dc37-4ad2-aec6-7c372e8deb62.gif
Okay, I think I know someone who will take both our cases.
cases
↓
5ecb1ec5-ec39-44d2-a267-cc08859276b0.gif
Ah. Is it you?
↓
9772b239-c23c-4417-ad40-900542695078.gif
Is it? 'Cause if it's you, I'm not interested.
interested
↓
0d960344-1a86-48da-9f07-7173a4561bc5.gif
All right. Well, I have a family member who's a lawyer. I bet he'd do it.
familyfamily-memberlawyermember
↓
bac3ff94-291d-498b-9289-4ee2131e384c.gif
It's coming up here. This…yeah, this is it right here.
coming
↓
19783416-ec76-48f5-94b1-017e7d9ebe6e.gif
Ponderosa's Ponderosa.
ponderosaponderosas
↓
5f055ce0-ddd1-4af9-b0e7-3a10b1d999e9.gif
Could you wait a minute?
minute
↓
5679cb39-ef68-4333-8cf3-14612d1fc9a7.gif
I just want to make sure it's okay.
↓
c52c87c5-bb5f-4acb-86b1-7322bcb97e83.gif
Yeah, you know, whatever it's gonna take to wrap this up, really.
wrap
↓
7f6ca25b-7dda-46d3-a7b0-52b7b106c6db.gif
Maureen?
maureen
↓
2e749c24-1121-41cd-919c-d37ccf2cf135.gif
No, it's Dee.
↓
4ad05290-4712-4c0a-8c3f-b9fb04a2fd62.gif
How are things going on your end?
↓
ba335439-1611-432d-9b0c-1b75feef6488.gif
Oh, not bad. Yeah, not bad. I'm getting a divorce.
divorce
↓
ec927630-0071-4822-8bb7-b8462eae8d33.gif
Well, I know how that goes.
↓
13dec574-a4ce-4310-937a-e818d9732ee4.gif
Got a messy situation going on on my end too.
messysituation
↓
ce529b05-6419-48ed-9972-c4a7ecb7cb19.gif
Had to let my guy go. Had to cut him loose.
loose
↓
4a1c0d68-9c43-4244-8150-ee25224411ed.gif
I tell you what though. I do love the car. Hands-free, Blue…
bluefreehandshands-freelove
↓
7a1309df-36d3-45d2-aacd-5c599cd23c4b.gif
I can do all kinds of stuff with both hands.
handskindsstuff
↓
c1e51343-ab9f-49b6-96e7-05fbd338f036.gif
Dennis? Did we get cut off?
dennis
↓
e40a6980-4b2a-471e-8422-0ebbe91b23c7.gif
- Okay, hop in there. - Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
whoawhoa-whoawhoa-whoa-whoa
↓
7574c61c-c144-40d7-b437-59166f649485.gif
What is this? What are you doing?
↓
018cac67-5ada-4ada-89c4-7d006f2fab2a.gif
Here he goes. Okay, go, go.
↓
4b8ec064-2c57-4ba6-b6cf-1b90d80ae348.gif
- What? - Go! Go!
↓
cc39b1ed-2a6c-4d9d-bac7-289e8cfdee95.gif
Oh, my God!
↓
2e607441-762d-4cba-95a8-d4b865a639e1.gif
I'm so glad you called, Charlie.
calledcharlieglad
↓
0388e68b-5201-4e51-937b-bb673cbf8d90.gif
Your uncle never hears from you anymore.
anymorehearsuncle
↓
5c44bf72-5fc0-4fd9-8162-b53c7dcefb19.gif
All right. Well, you're kinda the only actual lawyer I know
actualkindalawyer
↓
c7cad4a3-0ab7-497c-b43a-25683eca71a7.gif
you know, who doesn't have a restraining order against me,
orderrestrainingrestraining-order
↓
67e1fefa-d072-4355-88f0-dbe5a2c9ff0f.gif
- so I sort of had to call you… - Hey, hey, I-I miss you too, bud.
miss
↓
02861ac7-598a-42e9-85c7-bc38e131a990.gif
Mmm, with the touching. With the touching. None of that.
touching
↓
623cba70-4091-42d1-bc87-2b503b6de697.gif
You're put off by my hands.
hands
↓
359730d8-0958-4828-836d-d91cb50034b8.gif
I know they're very small. It's been very hard on me.
hard
↓
fcc64cb4-64b3-4578-b8f4-30c0e2a9da3f.gif
There's nothing wrong with your hands, okay?
hands
↓
769d83ed-5d84-4039-9ede-fb35c7224001.gif
Can we just focus on the law?
focus
↓
49670a94-1ee5-431e-9d49-461bfe1d006b.gif
Of course. All right.
course
↓
fc90176b-6795-4ddf-899c-646091098ef5.gif
As far as shared assets, I'm not seeing much.
assetsseeingshared
↓
543089b5-59bc-4179-8f10-fe49e120c11e.gif
- I'm keeping the hot plate! - Over my dead body!
bodydeaddead-bodykeepingplate
↓
130a69c2-2fe8-4cfa-b378-1fc13415652f.gif
Hey, hey, hey! Easy, boys. Don't let the dog off the leash, okay?
boyseasyleash
↓
05eb2373-8039-4ca3-bde0-a128c205a520.gif
Remember, the bigger man walks away first.
biggerrememberwalks
↓
91c4592e-bb3b-486e-a968-81647e39329d.gif
- He can have the hot plate. - Oh! Hot dog!
plate
↓
c3f1941d-0817-4771-9cc9-105f6f29ea83.gif
Now we're cooking with gas!
cooking
↓
08e198e8-3323-429c-a044-e5cc25ebd100.gif
Moving along to art holdings.
alongmoving
↓
c202d886-d7e5-4a54-a768-2e0db46ee9b7.gif
All I'm seeing is a series of drawings of elephants.
drawingselephantsseeingseries
↓
405bb6cc-c421-4727-a242-bbcc5549615f.gif
- Mmm. - Oh.
↓
e840c983-9a76-409f-b4c5-9e9de522df60.gif
Oh, yeah. Well, Charlie did the elephant drawings.
charliedrawingselephant
↓
0112ccd6-32e6-4c35-a898-d8f49d615d57.gif
- Yeah, but… - You should keep 'em.
↓
d40c0f8f-45dc-47db-be39-2e13313ac67e.gif
- I did those for you, man. - I like 'em.
↓
8fa1a9f4-aeb2-4efe-9172-d964a21a6fb9.gif
Well, you should like 'em. I put a lot of work into 'em.
↓
f322ada0-1dc7-4580-ad4b-3a29ccf3bc25.gif
And thank you for saying you like 'em.
↓
6112c7e6-f564-4aa1-b65f-8e316fcff235.gif
- I've seen 'em, and I like 'em too. - Yeah, they're good.
seen
↓
1dd6dbac-3164-4caa-b288-b7f934272421.gif
I'll keep the drawings, okay?
drawings
↓
7936c687-be0e-448a-8c64-bd1e3381e96a.gif
If I didn't know any better,
↓
60d711c7-e6a7-41a0-98c7-2be6e48d17c2.gif
I'd say there's a lot of love in this room.
loveroom
↓
d8e50843-bdff-420a-ab27-367e30cdf2e6.gif
Look, Jack, we just want to get back to where we were.
jack
↓
cfe02649-50ce-488b-b500-70032c1afa5f.gif
Sounds like what you guys want is an annulment.
sounds
↓
535ff5d6-7436-4d16-949d-ea66563afb53.gif
It would essentially void your partnership.
essentiallypartnershipvoid
↓
c160f16a-5bae-45c3-86fb-eaf84d0ef98b.gif
- Yeah. Right. That sounds perfect. - Marriage blows.
blowsmarriageperfectsounds
↓
7bc2f634-6c48-4622-b4ea-64884aaed57a.gif
Preaching to the choir, fellas.
choirfellas
↓
25536edb-f08e-4cf6-82c4-3004e6c0088a.gif
All right. I just need both your signatures on here.
↓
fe70dfa7-8e75-44e1-b84c-6daa028e09eb.gif
All right, that's easy enough.
easy
↓
a33828c7-cfbe-44fe-ab70-5ce1da2395a7.gif
Easy-peasy.
easyeasy-peasypeasy
↓
febe319d-14f2-4851-82a6-9a5990a8a337.gif
One.
↓
f2a66fd1-fdc4-41f1-aa22-df8352285c39.gif
Two! We did it!
↓
8d9a8278-cb1b-45ab-9c35-fa97cda2bf3e.gif
That's it. Your union has hereby been dissolved.
dissolvedherebyunion
↓
2f7d9ad4-acfc-4764-ab58-c53695424f2e.gif
Why did we have to do all the touching and the hand holding if it was just…
handholdingtouching
↓
b456c1ed-9a9b-4d30-8258-a57927953bdd.gif
It was fun. Hey, Mac.
fun
↓
aaf8532d-28df-4ff3-8c0b-32d34867a9b2.gif
You mind snapping a photo for the Web site?
mindphotositesnapping
↓
b8d36973-f5f0-430c-a230-ed4780914031.gif
But keep my hands out of the shot. I'll put 'em down here.
handsshot
↓
68989808-8141-43ac-8932-75c0f9c284ca.gif
You guys. You guys, I need help. I don't know what to do.
↓
38b502a5-301e-4d48-aa52-98dee643b32b.gif
I just kidnapped Bill Ponderosa's kids.
billkidnappedkidsponderosas
↓
fa7597e1-9f2e-4dc8-9075-24484230abe4.gif
All right. Are the kids confined in any way?
kids
↓
ae3e481c-f5d0-425d-8e1a-147deafb9049.gif
Maybe in a crawl space or a backyard bunker?
backyardbunkercrawlcrawl-spacespace
↓
b27289c0-523f-4d72-877f-50fe2158cbdb.gif
No. They're out in the car.
↓
385ed62a-b081-444c-9c14-1fef742e7d5d.gif
Have you touched them yet?
touched
↓
b4ed060e-9bfa-49b8-aafc-a130d0c8de66.gif
Absolutely not. What… who is this man?
absolutely
↓
2ccedf62-267e-4bb7-84ea-a11ff9e3a5d0.gif
Don't…you're…you don't need to…
↓
06ccb4b5-ab13-4328-87cc-913ec7109e47.gif
- What is she, some cheap tramp? - Oh, no!
cheaptramp
↓
5f4a3e78-6977-4d07-9e17-1f9f1134e1b5.gif
Oh, my God! You are such an asshole! I followed you, okay?
assholefollowed
↓
528708df-f126-42aa-9541-9ddb2f65e44a.gif
- I knew you were seeing someone else! - Honey, no…
honeyseeing
↓
99c09724-a9c7-40fd-bbde-4f3aba7b5783.gif
Hi. Hi, there. I'm Dee.
↓
32add773-bfc7-419f-b3e5-027de7859d3e.gif
Uh, I understand that.
↓
1ad776bb-5d10-48fc-9961-180d94b3fd74.gif
Listen, I want to just say I'm really sorry about-about the kids.
kids
↓
6fd10904-b746-47b0-8e38-516b1e405e4f.gif
I tell you what, I did not mean to kidnap them.
kidnap
↓
984646be-4b12-4b75-b368-67a8d9453945.gif
That was all… that was all this guy.
↓
37d1c7df-9287-4887-86d7-11511e306ccd.gif
They're not my kids.
kids
↓
55d5dd31-c362-4574-a34b-3cd12ceaa7d9.gif
- Aren't you his wife? - No. I'm his mistress.
mistresswife
↓
68ad914a-37ca-4094-ae70-1ea9f6ce293d.gif
Well, what the hell, man?
↓
38f9db1b-0f70-40b7-b22e-be7dc950e4c2.gif
- I'm taking my car back. - Nuh-uh. That's my car.
↓
4eb52ac3-c649-42ba-a55a-6e424858e256.gif
Actually, I loaned it to both of you ladies.
ladies
↓
95850a1d-37d9-4a52-bc51-66502307b4af.gif
You son of a bitch! I'm gonna kill you!
bitchkill
↓
76c668d0-5b38-43ad-90c2-bd3b69e972da.gif
What? How many mistresses do you have?
↓
7113165a-24ae-45ab-a8bc-377e18ac55bf.gif
- Mistress? - I'm his wife! Kids, let's go.
kidsmistresswife
↓
f0f434ab-a86d-4f71-8b15-d241bd1f1e52.gif
- Yeah, come on, kids. Let's go home. - No, no, no, no, no.
homekids
↓
42158b0e-ef03-4fa2-b42e-0a9719d667a7.gif
Not you, Bill. Now I want this to be over with right now!
bill
↓
1329642f-9a38-4e49-aecc-25305a79cc91.gif
- So how much does he owe you? - What?
↓
e4e1b6e5-d311-4415-9105-de4c1c8fc5ec.gif
How much does he owe you, whore?
whore
↓
8c49131a-8b9c-4fb3-bb9a-4aee38ccd5d2.gif
How much does he owe you for the sex?
↓
0e339562-c262-4d81-aee4-00fa53456e77.gif
Oh. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.
↓
4d327483-8cd7-48b8-a444-05d00f45da7c.gif
I'm not a prostitute. I think that's…that's clear.
clearprostitute
↓
265d3234-aed2-4412-a11d-2a0f022b94b3.gif
- You know? - Oh. Well, congratulations.
congratulations
↓
227dd70f-075d-4d14-9f6a-695e29cc4e03.gif
You're the only woman he didn't have to pay to sleep with.
sleepwoman
↓
0b0c1f2c-5e7d-4278-9564-410917e879cd.gif
You must be very proud of yourself.
mustproud
↓
6945c656-680a-4400-b982-7307cb5fe8a9.gif
Wait!
↓
5c85b723-87ac-42ec-b79f-b51cae35ca57.gif
No, no! Oh, goddamn it!
goddamngoddamn-it
↓
3aabc445-2fbc-4c9f-a20b-00e2189cfab6.gif
Yeah.
↓
8fecd9fd-d053-488b-ad7c-befbfe2d27b5.gif
Well, the, uh,
↓
f0e1fe6a-d184-4b24-aa18-00b18ca95a88.gif
gravity of my situation just set in.
gravitysituation
↓
8753236c-a424-4697-a4cd-ba1fc25f5510.gif
- So… - Let's go get you a divorce, huh?
divorce
↓
981bd24b-385f-41dd-b45a-4a075e74ebcc.gif
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely. - Yep.
↓
f9aa3d6d-16ef-4208-bf5f-deef8079f386.gif
You guys, uh, have any questions?
questions
↓
1d61b81a-bfd1-40df-894f-63b0ec381670.gif
Yeah, I got a question. What's in the fanny pack?
fannypackquestion
↓
db8a299d-25fe-4b1e-871c-2d90b949bbe4.gif
Oh, check this out, Mac and Dennis.
checkdennis
↓
c9382b50-5132-4391-94e9-9f2c9fb3ff50.gif
Just a little victory dance.
dancevictoryvictory-dance
↓
1f28ff19-7893-45b9-8f1c-9e97a8981691.gif
Thought maybe we could hang out later.
hang
↓
29f7c299-5681-4f64-8743-95c00c7d8270.gif
No…um…
↓
91f3c759-2667-4661-b1aa-701860417a35.gif
Oh, Mr. Reynolds.
reynolds
↓
8d0cb090-3db3-422c-969a-bada01d97067.gif
Oh, uh, I'm sorry. What are you doing here?
↓
4f0a30aa-0749-45fd-88de-24ed86aa6584.gif
Well, when I heard you were getting divorced,
divorcedheard
↓
b1680a23-034f-4f94-8ace-fa55609c7ba7.gif
I…I felt compelled to involve myself.
compelledinvolve
↓
f5b0db8a-2ba2-4eca-96f3-cdc104f9dc84.gif
I'm sorry. How would you have heard that I was getting a divorce?
divorceheard
↓
ed4eadee-c14b-41b1-b014-1579cd5a822e.gif
I-I-I may have told him.
↓
92d09d85-8cae-4386-ac77-b7791225a920.gif
You know I so enjoyed listening to you drunkenly explain all that at 3:00 a.m.
drunkenlyenjoyedexplainlistening
↓
cdab0f1b-28ce-49b1-9ab0-6426f295ad3e.gif
I enjoyed it so much that I tracked down Maureen here
enjoyedmaureentracked
↓
b73c60af-4597-4c8c-abc0-c2e8cb479c37.gif
and I offered her my services, pro bono, of course.
courseofferedservices
↓
d78e400a-850f-4861-a069-8fb5356c441a.gif
Hold on, fellas.
fellas
↓
3b978b2a-7e6d-458e-8f5a-30ad5eb1891d.gif
I'm Jack Kelly. I'm a lawyer.
jackjack-kellykellylawyer
↓
638bad9d-b05c-4eec-9c37-2d2c003865cc.gif
Hello, Jack Kelly. The pleasure is all mine.
jackjack-kellykellypleasure
↓
4f7e138a-d839-4888-8829-12f345baec55.gif
It's a pleasure to meet you.
meetpleasure
↓
4a47fc9c-c001-4dc9-b619-0f3c388bbe0c.gif
The pleasure's still…
pleasures
↓
056b15d8-2ced-4678-9ee7-83f74fbd34f6.gif
- Why don't we just get started? - Why don't we just get started?
started
↓
a7378938-104b-4990-9d55-046d3919a51e.gif
Ahh.
↓
d42d8832-378e-4e6b-b87d-2e9bcacd597c.gif
- Boy, the old place, huh? - Uhh…
place
↓
9ea46588-00f7-4a4a-bbe2-14b4ef704539.gif
- Yeah. - Some good memories here.
memories
↓
ed9248b8-b357-4c80-99af-e7420284babe.gif
All of us.
↓
4f1011e6-5a21-46e2-b655-94e39eacd2f3.gif
Hey, um…
↓
9c9e7121-a407-4f10-9652-3bc8c25b5e95.gif
- So I was like… - I'm gonna go.
↓
45346e76-a9bc-499f-a884-c805bc9cef9d.gif
No, no, no. No, stick around, dude. Stick…stick around.
stick
↓
7d326aad-a911-432f-b568-f90f99b9eb48.gif
- Please don't… - I don't want to though.
↓
78f97246-7ff7-4df4-b3a3-74ed7f6b0fba.gif
- No, you should stay. - Yeah.
↓
dc97e07e-60df-44ed-8b0a-1c641ca6d398.gif
- Shea butter. - Oh.
butter
↓
e939df8e-fcc6-4dc3-9ee6-246eddb0d00d.gif
- Assorted lanolin products. - Oh, God.
products
↓
4cd90d84-f918-4226-8313-d05326246094.gif
I'm serious. You could be a hand model. You've got the goods.
goodshandmodelserious
↓
4d50de05-65ac-456e-a355-d902770a2444.gif
Well, that was quick, guys.
quick
↓
2d71d9ea-0afe-4663-8220-f2d97bf4d801.gif
Open-and-shut case, Dennis.
casedennisopen
↓
bda778fe-4759-403b-8bd2-1b6fe3531963.gif
- Okay. - Did you get the apartment back?
apartment
↓
4c405e5f-0a3e-4675-8d75-67d0802bedd9.gif
I sure did.
↓
3cc47873-541f-421e-b127-16c6bfb693ba.gif
You did? You did?
↓
f518b278-d8df-4c0e-a6ec-e3309228e870.gif
And you also acquired Miss Ponderosa's debt.
acquireddebtmissponderosas
↓
693d01df-d6a5-40e8-894e-706a8ef1a896.gif
What? You're in debt?
debt
↓
26d845c0-f75b-462d-a10a-1a908e2c6307.gif
Not anymore. But you are. About 90K.
anymore
↓
09fd3936-e772-4c85-bfde-ed1e752a12a4.gif
This guy seems to think you don't have a case,
caseseems
↓
725044f9-1085-462d-a477-91c792ac9279.gif
- and I'm inclined to agree with him. - Yeah.
agree
↓
c62ed396-c6bf-4efe-980e-441466fbb2b6.gif
Well, when I found out that Miss Ponderosa here had been cast out
castfoundmissponderosa
↓
5051cb0c-c180-49ea-acb6-8e70c13299b0.gif
of her marital home,
homemarital
↓
5b0856fc-0ae6-45e4-abd9-2e4e2064074f.gif
I-I only thought it was fair that you assumed her debt
assumeddebtfair
↓
6212719c-2abb-478f-baf8-8ccb56051e20.gif
in addition to the alimony payments, of course.
additionalimonycoursepayments
↓
06c92ad7-1cac-442d-bf0d-313a67f4ae09.gif
Wait a second. So I gotta pay alimony payments? Uncle Jack, what the hell?
alimonyjackpaymentsseconduncleuncle-jack
↓
45164b79-2aa8-49ad-9244-414c260922c0.gif
I-I froze up. He's great.
froze
↓
15818b9f-095c-447a-8fb0-db934a7a933c.gif
Oh, congratulations, Ms. Ponderosa.
congratulationsponderosa
↓
47a9b0ea-5205-46e4-911d-b9e532abd959.gif
Oh, congratulations to you.
congratulations
↓
365da435-ef64-4259-a2d9-4cf15d0064bc.gif
See you around, Dennis.
dennis
↓
8f34515f-0846-4a00-b85f-396e63849a3a.gif
- Yeah. - Mac.
↓
2c458dd9-c6cd-4098-888e-9811242e0649.gif
Hey, Mac, would you mind taking a shot
mindshot
↓
2c0fac62-07cf-40d8-a3a9-f0aeebc1e83b.gif
of the three of us for the Web site?
sitethree
↓
41c6550b-ad20-4772-a057-2f1e6a5d636a.gif
Come on, Dennis.
dennis
↓
3e88a190-74d7-4593-bf7f-0ca89f61ceea.gif
And would it be okay if you put your hands on top of mine,
hands
↓
c815cf08-b355-45e1-85ca-6f92dd79b3a0.gif
- like they're my hands? - Like that?
hands
↓
8e9149f5-b98b-4d7b-a9a0-3c37a1b03cf8.gif
- Yes. - Okay.
↓
5b648bfd-8209-4f22-ad97-6f34e097c3c8.gif
- That looks like my hands. - Yeah.
hands
↓
9bc28fc6-d22e-4177-b22c-691b247baf56.gif
For the Web site.
site
↓
d94ba8d4-ff6a-4ec9-be63-f3a239f4917b.gif
We're lawyers.
lawyers