Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S06E01 — Mac Fights Gay Marriage

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 6, Episode 1 — Mac Fights Gay Marriage

Look, bro, I'm only gonna be here for about 10 minutes.

#1

⇓

I got to get my pump on. I have a very big day.

#2

⇓

I'm sorry. I can't let you in.

#3

⇓

I don't understand why you're insisting on jamming me up here, bro.

#4

⇓

I'm not trying to jam you up. I just don't believe you.

#5

⇓

What is not to believe? I am absolutely Dennis Reynolds.

#6

⇓

This picture looks nothing like you.

#7

⇓

Well, thank you.

#8

⇓

Because I have actually packed on

#9

⇓

about 15 or 20 pounds of solid bulk muscle

#10

⇓

since that picture was taken.

#11

⇓

It's actually a testament to your gym.

#12

⇓

I'm gonna need you to either buy your own membership, or get out.

#13

⇓

- Mac? - Yeah.

#14

⇓

- Hey! Tranny! Carmen. - Yeah.

#15

⇓

Sorry. How you doing? Wow. You look great.

#16

⇓

Sweet camel toe.

#17

⇓

That's a good tuck job. You have it taped back there?

#18

⇓

- No. - It's good.

#19

⇓

It's actually gone. I had the surgery.

#20

⇓

Get out! That's fantastic!

#21

⇓

Oh, I thought I was gonna get a phone call after the old snip-snip,

#22

⇓

'cause we talked about that, but either way,

#23

⇓

now that you're dickless, I'm into it.

#24

⇓

- What are you doing this afternoon? - How's it goin'?

#25

⇓

Uh, it's goin' good, pal,

#26

⇓

but the lady isn't interested.

#27

⇓

Uh, Mac, I would like you to meet my husband, Nick.

#28

⇓

Husband? You're married.

#29

⇓

Great.

#30

⇓

Now, what do you guys think? They're good almonds, right?

#31

⇓

- They are tasty. - These almonds? Yeah, they're fine.

#32

⇓

I found them in a little pile in the alleyway.

#33

⇓

A squirrel must have piled them up and then got hit by a car.

#34

⇓

Why? Why, why, why?

#35

⇓

- Why would you feed us alley almonds? - Why wouldn't you tell us that?

#36

⇓

- They're perfectly good. - Guys. Guys, guys. I've got news.

#37

⇓

I've got huge news.

#38

⇓

So I went down to the gym this morning, right?

#39

⇓

I was all amped up, 'cause Charlie and I found a bunch of nuts.

#40

⇓

I was so full of protein, okay?

#41

⇓

I went to get my pump on, but I couldn't get my pump on.

#42

⇓

Now, I know what you're thinking.

#43

⇓

Clearly, I did get my pump on,

#44

⇓

but that's 'cause I just did a bunch of push-ups outside.

#45

⇓

Also why I'm out of breath.

#46

⇓

What in God's name are you talking about?

#47

⇓

- Is this the big news? - No. I ran into the tranny.

#48

⇓

She got her dick cut off and she married a dude.

#49

⇓

- Oh. - Oh, that's great!

#50

⇓

Congratulations to her.

#51

⇓

- No, that is not great. - No?

#52

⇓

- That is a gay marriage. - Uh, I got a question for you.

#53

⇓

- One's a girl, one's a guy. - Yeah.

#54

⇓

And how is that gay?

#55

⇓

Well, for starters, clearly, her husband is a homosexual, okay?

#56

⇓

Why are you making that assumption?

#57

⇓

Because he's with a tranny?

#58

⇓

You were with the tranny. What are you saying?

#59

⇓

No! Charlie, that is completely different, and you know it.

#60

⇓

Yeah. No. He's right. That's different,

#61

⇓

'cause this new guy, if I'm hearing correctly,

#62

⇓

he waited until she got her dick cut off before he banged her.

#63

⇓

- But that means… - No.

#64

⇓

Look, who gives a shit if gays want to be miserable

#65

⇓

like everybody else and get married?

#66

⇓

Let 'em do it. It's no skin off my ass.

#67

⇓

No. Marriage is a wonderful thing.

#68

⇓

It's between two people who decide

#69

⇓

they want to spend the rest of their lives together

#70

⇓

because they love each other very much.

#71

⇓

I'm all for it, and I think everyone should be entitled to it.

#72

⇓

Everybody up on their high horse of marriage all of a sudden.

#73

⇓

Marriage is about procreation, okay?

#74

⇓

This is gay marriage.

#75

⇓

That's two dudes banging each other.

#76

⇓

What do you get from that? Nothin'. Nothin'.

#77

⇓

That is a persuasive argument.

#78

⇓

You should take your powerful extension cord argument

#79

⇓

straight to the supreme court.

#80

⇓

- Mm-hmm. They'll love it there. - Run that right up the ladder, right?

#81

⇓

Run it up the ladder.

#82

⇓

Mac, I think you're just getting upset

#83

⇓

that the tranny married some guy that's not you,

#84

⇓

and that's what this is about.

#85

⇓

No. No, Charlie, this is about the big man upstairs,

#86

⇓

- okay, getting boxed out. - Oh, Jesus.

#87

⇓

Very clearly says in the Bible that gay marriage is wrong, okay.

#88

⇓

And I'm gonna show you. Where's our Bible?

#89

⇓

- "Where's our Bible?" - Where's our goddamn Bible?

#90

⇓

- We don't have a Bible in here. - I don't know. Yeah.

#91

⇓

- Why don't we have a Bible? - We never have.

#92

⇓

It's a bar.

#93

⇓

Okay, I see what's happening here.

#94

⇓

All right. I don't have enough facts to support my argument.

#95

⇓

- Clearly. - But I'm gonna find a Bible,

#96

⇓

and I'm gonna come back,

#97

⇓

and I'm gonna school you sons of bitches.

#98

⇓

Because you guys are trying to confuse me.

#99

⇓

You're trying to confuse me, because that's what God's work…

#100

⇓

Ah…

#101

⇓

Oh, he's getting himself all worked up, huh?

#102

⇓

Yeah. Very worked up.

#103

⇓

I always thought I'd be married by now.

#104

⇓

- What? - What?

#105

⇓

Yeah. Well, I don't know.

#106

⇓

All that talk about marriage and everything,

#107

⇓

it's got me thinking about myself and my situation,

#108

⇓

and I guess I always thought I'd be married by now.

#109

⇓

What the shit are you talking about?

#110

⇓

Frank, I'm talking about Maureen Ponderosa.

#111

⇓

Oh, my God, dude. Don't start in on this.

#112

⇓

Maureen Ponderosa was my girlfriend in 10th grade,

#113

⇓

and we were so in love.

#114

⇓

Uh, you remember Maureen Ponderosa, right, Charlie?

#115

⇓

I remember her dead tooth, dude.

#116

⇓

What? Dead tooth? She didn't have a dead tooth.

#117

⇓

You guys remember her brother Bill?

#118

⇓

Bill Ponderosa?

#119

⇓

Oh, that guy was like a walking cliché.

#120

⇓

He was hot. Great buns.

#121

⇓

Yeah, and I remember every time you tried to talk to him,

#122

⇓

you'd…

#123

⇓

I got a little gaggy. It's only 'cause he made me nervous.

#124

⇓

But he was very handsome.

#125

⇓

What is it with you two and the Ponderosas?

#126

⇓

I think I might call her up actually.

#127

⇓

Charlie, not in the corner.

#128

⇓

Put 'em in the closet, tuck 'em in the back.

#129

⇓

- Hold on a second. - Pick 'em up. There you go.

#130

⇓

Come on.

#131

⇓

- Not on the floor! - My back!

#132

⇓

Charlie, look at this. I've been saving these for years.

#133

⇓

What?

#134

⇓

I think I slipped a disk, man.

#135

⇓

Stand straight or something.

#136

⇓

Frank, I gotta go see a chiropractor again.

#137

⇓

Oh, right. I just keep paying medical bills, right? Is that it?

#138

⇓

- I keep lugging pennies. - Come on. You're in pain?

#139

⇓

Here, let me hit you with the two-by-four. You won't feel anything.

#140

⇓

No. I don't want to play that game anymore.

#141

⇓

All right. Crack my back. Can you crack my back, please?

#142

⇓

Crack your back. All right. Turn around.

#143

⇓

Give me that. You ready? Way up.

#144

⇓

- Oh! Oh! Oh! - Did you get my back?

#145

⇓

- Oh, my back. Oh! - I'll get you. I'll get you.

#146

⇓

Ow, my back! Aw! I need it again!

#147

⇓

- Yi, yi, yi, yi, yi! - Oh! Oh! Oh!

#148

⇓

Charlie. Charlie.

#149

⇓

- Don't touch me. - All right. All right.

#150

⇓

This is gonna sound crazy. I just got an idea.

#151

⇓

If we do that domestic partnership thing that gay guys can do,

#152

⇓

I can totally get on your health insurance.

#153

⇓

You won't even have to pay for the chiropractor.

#154

⇓

You proposing to me?

#155

⇓

Come on, man. No. I'm saying, we're already friends, right?

#156

⇓

Let's be friends with benefits, right?

#157

⇓

Oh, yeah. You get your back fixed.

#158

⇓

- What's in it for me? - All right, man.

#159

⇓

There's gotta be a reason why all those couples want to do it.

#160

⇓

Uh, perks, right? Can we at least look into what goes into it?

#161

⇓

- I really gotta see a chiropractor, man. - All right. We'll look into it.

#162

⇓

You got to hit me with the two-by-four. I got too much pain.

#163

⇓

It's bad on me too. All right. I got you.

#164

⇓

- I got you. - Hit me in the head. Hit me good.

#165

⇓

Phew! I feel really nervous, Dee.

#166

⇓

I haven't seen Maureen in close to 15 years.

#167

⇓

- I was really in love with that girl. - Yeah.

#168

⇓

No girl has ever had this effect on me,

#169

⇓

so I don't know how to deal with it. It's crazy.

#170

⇓

I know what you mean. I'm feeling a lot of butterflies myself too.

#171

⇓

- You know, it's like… - Yeah.

#172

⇓

…"Oh, I'm gonna see Bill Ponderosa."

#173

⇓

- Is that gonna happen? Relax - Maybe bubbly water.

#174

⇓

- Maybe if you get me some bubbly water. - Slow down… Here we go.

#175

⇓

- Dennis! - Hey, Maureen! Wow.

#176

⇓

- Hi. - Look at you. You look amazing!

#177

⇓

- You look amazing. - Me? Oh.

#178

⇓

Who's this? Is this your husband?

#179

⇓

- This is Bill. - Hey, you guys.

#180

⇓

Bill? No…

#181

⇓

Wow!

#182

⇓

Wow, right? I would not have guessed that was you.

#183

⇓

- Yeah, I've gained a little weight. - Did you now?

#184

⇓

Oh! Well, no, it's hardly noticeable. Hardly noticeable.

#185

⇓

I do notice the ring though. Good for you.

#186

⇓

- You got married. That's good. - Yeah, 10 years now.

#187

⇓

Yeah, she's amazing. So are my two kids.

#188

⇓

- Oh. - Want to see little…

#189

⇓

No, no, no, no, I don't. I don't really.

#190

⇓

I mean, it's great, but you know what I mean.

#191

⇓

Nobody really wants to see that.

#192

⇓

Goddamn, this has been a really fun walk down memory lane.

#193

⇓

Uh, Maureen, great to see you.

#194

⇓

And, Bill, take care of yourself or whatever people say.

#195

⇓

- Okay. Excuse me. - All right.

#196

⇓

Well, yeah, this has got to be a little awkward for you now, Bill, right?

#197

⇓

'Cause you're here, and we're sort of having a…

#198

⇓

Probably gonna have a little sit-down breakfast,

#199

⇓

and now you're a bit of a third wheel,

#200

⇓

kind of wormed your way into our situation.

#201

⇓

Yeah. Not really. You know…

#202

⇓

- I just came to catch up, so… - No.

#203

⇓

But I can leave you guys alone, I guess.

#204

⇓

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah.

#205

⇓

That would be great. That would be great.

#206

⇓

Hey, take care of yourself. It was good to see you.

#207

⇓

Yeah. I gotta pick up the kids.

#208

⇓

- Sure, pick up the kids, yeah. - Bye, Bill.

#209

⇓

Uh…

#210

⇓

- Hey, you want to sit down? - Yeah.

#211

⇓

Great. Hey. God, man. Maureen Ponderosa.

#212

⇓

I can't even believe those words are coming out of my mouth.

#213

⇓

- I know. - Look at you. Look at you!

#214

⇓

You look great. You're still quite a catch.

#215

⇓

You look just like you did in high school.

#216

⇓

- Oh. - Hey,

#217

⇓

do you remember all the good times that we used to have

#218

⇓

in the back of your dad's Datsun behind this place?

#219

⇓

Oh, man. So much romance. Mmm.

#220

⇓

- Hey, how is your dad? - Dad died last year.

#221

⇓

- Did he die? - Yeah.

#222

⇓

Oh, that's too bad.

#223

⇓

It happens, you know. He was getting up there, right?

#224

⇓

I mean, it was probably natural causes, or…

#225

⇓

- Suicide. - Suicide?

#226

⇓

Car exhaust, yeah.

#227

⇓

I had to break the window of the Datsun, so…

#228

⇓

Oh, yeah. It was one of those. One of those, huh?

#229

⇓

- His eyes were so yellow. - Okay.

#230

⇓

Oh! Oh, Maureen Ponderosa!

#231

⇓

- Yeah. - Oh, yeah!

#232

⇓

Dennis Reynolds and Maureen Ponderosa…

#233

⇓

back together again at last.

#234

⇓

Hey, Carmen.

#235

⇓

Carmen, hey. I wanna show you something.

#236

⇓

Oh.

#237

⇓

- Hey, Mac. - Yeah.

#238

⇓

- What's going on here? - Good. I'm glad you're here too.

#239

⇓

Okay. 'Cause this pertains to both of you guys.

#240

⇓

I am about to do you guys a huge solid. Ready?

#241

⇓

"Men with men committing indecent acts,"

#242

⇓

sex in the butt,

#243

⇓

"will receive the due penalty for their perversion."

#244

⇓

Word of the Lord.

#245

⇓

Okay, what is it you're trying to say, Mac?

#246

⇓

I'm saying that in the eyes of the Lord,

#247

⇓

your marriage is an abomination,

#248

⇓

and if you don't get a divorce, you're going to hell.

#249

⇓

I love people tripping all the time.

#250

⇓

- Can I see that for a second? - Yeah.

#251

⇓

But I'm not tripping, okay? It's all right there.

#252

⇓

- Oh, no. - Yeah. Just,

#253

⇓

it's gonna take you a little while to flip through it

#254

⇓

- 'cause that book is long as shit. - Uh-hmm.

#255

⇓

- Oh, yeah. I like this one. - Yeah.

#256

⇓

- Exodus 21, verses 20, 21. - Mmm.

#257

⇓

"When a man strikes his slave with a rod so hard that the slave dies,

#258

⇓

"he shall be punished.

#259

⇓

"If, however, the slave survives for a day or two,

#260

⇓

"he is not to be punished,

#261

⇓

"for the slave is his property."

#262

⇓

That's not what I'm talking about, though.

#263

⇓

That's a different. That's not my thing.

#264

⇓

Oh, so you're saying you're gonna whup my black ass with a rod

#265

⇓

for as long as you like,

#266

⇓

and as long as I get up after a day or two, we all good.

#267

⇓

That's what you're telling me?

#268

⇓

No, I wouldn't whup on you, uh, with anything,

#269

⇓

whether you were my slave or not. It's just…

#270

⇓

That doesn't really pertain anyway,

#271

⇓

because that section is not from the same time.

#272

⇓

Oh, oh, really? Well, what time is your section from, Mac?

#273

⇓

Uh-hmm.

#274

⇓

Look, I came here to help you guys, okay?

#275

⇓

As a gay man, there's certain things you need to know about the afterlife.

#276

⇓

I'm not a gay man.

#277

⇓

Yes, you are. You're banging a dude.

#278

⇓

Look, if anything, you're the one that slept with me when I was a man.

#279

⇓

Oh, that's it. You're gay.

#280

⇓

- No, no, no, no. - He's gay.

#281

⇓

- No, no, no, no. - If this is about you and me,

#282

⇓

then just say that.

#283

⇓

I'm never going to admit that, Carmen.

#284

⇓

But come on, I mean, him?

#285

⇓

What do you see in this guy?

#286

⇓

I mean, look at my body compared to his.

#287

⇓

I'm a hard body. You're a hard body.

#288

⇓

We could be hard bodies together. Not hard body and…

#289

⇓

Look, I thought we established that

#290

⇓

there was going to be a phone call after the procedure.

#291

⇓

And then you have the procedure, and I never got that call.

#292

⇓

Instead you called this soft body and you gay-married him.

#293

⇓

And now you're calling me gay, telling me I'm tripping

#294

⇓

and trying to confuse me with your liberal biblicisms.

#295

⇓

Man, my guess is, you've been confused for a very long time.

#296

⇓

All right, take it easy.

#297

⇓

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!

#298

⇓

Thank you very much. All right, dude.

#299

⇓

Okay, I admit this is more paperwork than I expected, all right?

#300

⇓

But, Frank, that's because this domestic partnership thing

#301

⇓

is really worth doing, dude.

#302

⇓

There's a lot of perks in these bad boys.

#303

⇓

There's a lot of jelly in these doughnuts here, Frank.

#304

⇓

Charlie, you still haven't told me

#305

⇓

how this shit is going to be good for me. Me.

#306

⇓

It's all in here! All right. Okay. All right. Think about this for a second.

#307

⇓

Now, you're definitely gonna have another massive heart attack

#308

⇓

or stroke in the next few years?

#309

⇓

- Definitely. - All right.

#310

⇓

What's gonna happen when you go on life support, dude?

#311

⇓

Dennis and Dee are gonna pull the plug on you so fast,

#312

⇓

your head is gonna spin.

#313

⇓

But think about this, Frank. You know who's not gonna do that?

#314

⇓

- This guy right here. - This thing,

#315

⇓

this is so much complicated stuff, Charlie.

#316

⇓

Wow! Look who it is.

#317

⇓

Wow! Guys, you remember Maureen Ponderosa, right?

#318

⇓

- Charlie! - Ooh!

#319

⇓

- Hey! Maureen, how are ya? - Dead tooth. Let me see the dead tooth.

#320

⇓

- What's he talking about? - Oh, he's… Pipe down, Frank, pipe down.

#321

⇓

- So listen, guys. We just got married. - What?

#322

⇓

Yeah. Yeah. We're married. Maureen and I got married.

#323

⇓

What is wrong with you?

#324

⇓

It's not what's wrong with me, Frank. It's what's right with me,

#325

⇓

and that's this little piece of paper here that we just signed.

#326

⇓

It's our marriage certificate. Now we're married.

#327

⇓

- Boom. - Wait! Hold on a second.

#328

⇓

You just had to sign a little piece of paper?

#329

⇓

They gave Frank and I, like, a million forms for our marriage.

#330

⇓

Oh, you guys are trying to get married too, huh? That's weird.

#331

⇓

It's a whole… Okay.

#332

⇓

Well, uh, we're out of here, so good luck.

#333

⇓

Oh, my God. What is the matter with him?

#334

⇓

- Did you smell her breath? - Are you kidding me?

#335

⇓

It smelled like she was nibbling on little pieces of shit.

#336

⇓

Wait a second. Wait a second.

#337

⇓

- Dennis, you're married? - Yes, man, I'm married.

#338

⇓

I'm a married man.

#339

⇓

Yeah. She's actually here, dude. It's awesome. She's in the bathroom.

#340

⇓

She's brushing her teeth.

#341

⇓

Yeah, she must have eaten something a little bit sinister.

#342

⇓

Must have been the Funyuns or something.

#343

⇓

I don't know. Whatever. It doesn't matter.

#344

⇓

Anyway, the point is, I am having…

#345

⇓

this is crazy, but I'm having feelings again.

#346

⇓

Like some kind of 14-year-old kid or something.

#347

⇓

I mean, you remember feelings, right?

#348

⇓

Yeah. I have feelings every single day of my life.

#349

⇓

- Do you? - Are you saying you

#350

⇓

don't have feelings?

#351

⇓

Well, I'm saying I built up a shell.

#352

⇓

A shell around myself.

#353

⇓

A cold, calculated, heartless shell that couldn't be broken

#354

⇓

by anything but marriage.

#355

⇓

And that's what she did, dude, she broke that shell

#356

⇓

with marriage.

#357

⇓

In a good way, if I'm being unclear.

#358

⇓

And that brings me, actually, to my next point.

#359

⇓

I need you to move out…

#360

⇓

Like now, like right away.

#361

⇓

What? Why do I have to move out?

#362

⇓

It's my apartment, too.

#363

⇓

Uh, actually, you know what, Mac?

#364

⇓

Turns out it's not your apartment because you never

#365

⇓

signed the lease, if you recall,

#366

⇓

'cause your credit was so bad.

#367

⇓

Oh. Well, what am I gonna do

#368

⇓

- with all my stuff? - You know what? Believe it or not,

#369

⇓

I've been doing some inventory,

#370

⇓

and it turns out you don't actually own anything

#371

⇓

in this apartment.

#372

⇓

That can't be true.

#373

⇓

It's shockingly true. Yeah, yeah.

#374

⇓

Every single thing in here is mine.

#375

⇓

For instance, that shirt that you're wearing right now,

#376

⇓

that was my shirt.

#377

⇓

And then I got tired of it, I threw it in the trash,

#378

⇓

and then you fished it out of the trash and you cut

#379

⇓

the sleeves off it, as you are wont to do,

#380

⇓

'cause that's your thing, but whatever.

#381

⇓

Also, listen. I don't want to rush you on this either,

#382

⇓

but I did have to drop you from my

#383

⇓

cell phone's family plan.

#384

⇓

And I'm gonna need you to stop using my name at the gym…

#385

⇓

because I'm getting a lot of phone calls about that,

#386

⇓

and that's a little embarrassing.

#387

⇓

- Can I say something? - Yeah, totally.

#388

⇓

Oh, there we go.

#389

⇓

- Oh! How you doin'? - Hey! Hey, hey, hey!

#390

⇓

- No! No, no, no, no. - You got a minute?

#391

⇓

- We ask a question. You got a minute? - Quick question.

#392

⇓

Yeah. I'm kind of in the middle of something right now.

#393

⇓

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

#394

⇓

- That's easy. - Okay, no problem.

#395

⇓

- That's better. - Why do you people keep bothering me

#396

⇓

- at the gym? - I'm so sorry.

#397

⇓

It's gonna be a quick question. Charlie. You remember me, right?

#398

⇓

- Yeah. Hi. - Frank.

#399

⇓

No, I don't remember you.

#400

⇓

Look, my friend and I, we're trying to get a gay marriage

#401

⇓

situation going on, and he's all tripped up

#402

⇓

about some issue.

#403

⇓

And now he's uncomfortable talking to me.

#404

⇓

I figured you're an expert, so we could talk to you.

#405

⇓

All right. Fine. Just go ahead. What?

#406

⇓

Good. Go. If Charlie and I

#407

⇓

were gonna get married,

#408

⇓

who would be the man and who would be the woman

#409

⇓

in that situation?

#410

⇓

Neither of you would be the woman.

#411

⇓

You're both men!

#412

⇓

Are you kidding me? Is this what you've been

#413

⇓

upset about the whole time? Which one of us

#414

⇓

is gonna be the woman?

#415

⇓

Yeah. I'm not gonna get my dick

#416

⇓

cut off and sold to China,

#417

⇓

spend the rest of my life on a treadmill

#418

⇓

- like this guy. - What are you… What?

#419

⇓

I don't want to be the woman, Charlie, and I don't want

#420

⇓

to see you be the woman.

#421

⇓

That's insa… Neither of us would be

#422

⇓

the woman, dude.

#423

⇓

We would both be men. We'd be two cool straight dudes

#424

⇓

married together.

#425

⇓

Oh.

#426

⇓

Well, I never thought of it that way.

#427

⇓

Two dudes getting married, that doesn't seem very gay.

#428

⇓

Yeah, right? It's not…

#429

⇓

Yeah, right. Yeah. Okay. You know what?

#430

⇓

Let's not argue on this or think about it too much.

#431

⇓

- No. - Two cool married dudes.

#432

⇓

- Dudes. Two dudes. - Not gay. I'm down with that.

#433

⇓

All right! Two gay dudes married!

#434

⇓

- Bump it, bump it. - Two gay dudes married.

#435

⇓

Is my role in this done now?

#436

⇓

Uh, any more questions?

#437

⇓

No. I think I got it.

#438

⇓

No. I can tell by your stare that the answer is no.

#440

⇓

I told you, Frank. That's crazy.

#441

⇓

Dee, hey, we gotta talk.

#442

⇓

Wait. You can't just come barging in here like that.

#443

⇓

- What are you doing? - Okay, look, it takes a big man

#444

⇓

to admit defeat, but you were right, I was wrong.

#445

⇓

Everybody should be able to get married

#446

⇓

to whoever they want, which got me thinking

#447

⇓

about you and me.

#448

⇓

Oh, no. I'm not gonna marry you,

#449

⇓

if that's where this is headed.

#450

⇓

What? Dee, I would rather get shot in the face.

#451

⇓

Okay. Then what are you doing here?

#452

⇓

- I'm glad you asked. - I'm moving in.

#453

⇓

Also, I need to get on your gym membership…

#454

⇓

because I got to get back in there ASAP

#455

⇓

before I lose this pump.

#456

⇓

What's with the beers? Are you carbo loading?

#457

⇓

- No. - Oh. What are you doing?

#458

⇓

- Are you gonna throw up? - No.

#459

⇓

Then why are you gagging?

#460

⇓

- Oh, that… - Because, Dee, that triggers

#461

⇓

my gag reflex, too, and then I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

#462

⇓

It's fine. I had some bad spaghetti…

#463

⇓

Spaghetti.

#464

⇓

Ah, Dee.

#465

⇓

Look, the point is, the reason I came over here

#466

⇓

is because you were totally right

#467

⇓

about this marriage thing, okay?

#468

⇓

It is a special bond between two people in love,

#469

⇓

and everybody deserves that right.

#470

⇓

Look, I'm thinking that…

#471

⇓

I gotta throw up. I'm gonna throw up.

#472

⇓

No, no, no, no! Not in there!

#473

⇓

Oh, sorry. Uh…

#474

⇓

Wait. I know you.

#475

⇓

Bill Ponderosa.

#476

⇓

Where are you going?

#477

⇓

Hey, Maureen Ponderosa. Hey.

#478

⇓

I was just gonna go meet up with the guys.

#479

⇓

But I thought we were gonna watch a movie tonight.

#480

⇓

Watch a movie. Yes, we were.

#481

⇓

Yeah, you know what?

#482

⇓

But, you know, I feel the need to reconnect with the guys.

#483

⇓

But you know what?

#484

⇓

You can watch a movie without me.

#485

⇓

- What? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

#486

⇓

God, dude, we have so many great, great movies here.

#487

⇓

Got a lot of action films, which is very, very exciting.

#488

⇓

Got all the Lethal Weapon movies,

#489

⇓

which is cool. Including the one that I made with the guys.

#490

⇓

Lethal Weapon 5.

#491

⇓

Yes. Amazing film, truly, truly.

#492

⇓

Although it gets a little confusing

#493

⇓

halfway through because Mac and I decided

#494

⇓

to switch parts. He wanted to play Murtaugh

#495

⇓

for some reason.

#496

⇓

Yeah. And I'm not gonna lie. His use of black face

#497

⇓

I found a bit regrettable, but…

#498

⇓

Come on. It's our first night as a married couple.

#499

⇓

I want to spend it with my husband.

#500

⇓

Oh. Yeah.

#501

⇓

I see that you're wearing another one of those

#502

⇓

kitty cat sweatshirts…

#503

⇓

- Meow. - …that you seem so fond of.

#504

⇓

You've glued some jewels

#505

⇓

and some flowers and things to it.

#506

⇓

- Uh-huh. - Interesting.

#507

⇓

I like to be comfy and current.

#508

⇓

Yeah. Yeah. I did not remember that about you.

#509

⇓

You don't remember a lot of things, silly.

#510

⇓

- Yeah. - Now, you get yourself on that couch.

#511

⇓

I'm gonna go make us fish sticks.

#512

⇓

Uh, I don't…

#513

⇓

I don't think we have any fish sticks.

#514

⇓

I bought some.

#515

⇓

Yeah. I don't particularly like fish sticks, but…

#516

⇓

- Dennis. - Hmm?

#517

⇓

Hey. I love you.

#518

⇓

Uh, I love you.

#519

⇓

Yeah.

#520

⇓