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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S18E06 — The War on Alcohol

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 18, Episode 6 — The War on Alcohol

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: The War on Alcohol

Air date: September 14, 2026

Directors: Dave Chernin, John Chernin

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

The Gang takes the trend against drinking into their own hands. Dennis, Dee, and Frank look to recruit white collar suits for happy hour while Mac and Charlie seek to enlist blue collar factory workers so they can return the bar to the melting pot it once was.

Source: TMDB

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[♪ "Captain's Table" playing]

captains playing table

↓

[all gulping]

gulping

↓

- [Dennis] Mmm. - [Frank] Mmm.

dennis frank

↓

[all gulping]

gulping

↓

Oh, baby.

baby

↓

- [Frank burps] - Ooh.

burps frank

↓

- Oh, yeah! - Okay.

↓

- That's good shit, man. Whoo-hoo! - Wow.

whoo

↓

Yeah, dude! Very nice.

↓

I gotta say, as a sales rep, I don't usually see

sales usually

↓

quite that level of enthusiasm.

enthusiasm level

↓

- [Dee] Nope! - Yeah, so we crack open some more?

crack crack-open nope open

↓

- Yeah. - You want me to open another case?

another case open

↓

- Yeah. - Yes!

↓

- We only had 12, dude, so, you know - Yeah, I feel like

↓

- we're just sort of revving our engines. - Yeah.

engines revving

↓

People usually just sample the one and then they'll they'll buy the rest.

rest sample usually

↓

- Yeah, yeah. [chuckles] - Usually.

chuckles usually

↓

- That's not us, so - Yeah.

↓

Well, I'm thrilled you guys like the product.

product thrilled

↓

- You have made believers out of us. - Absolutely.

absolutely

↓

- It's great. - I don't have to tell you guys

↓

how hard it's been for the bar business these days.

business days hard

↓

- Oh, my God. Oh, wow. - You don't have to tell us. It's crazy.

crazy

↓

- People aren't drinking like they used to. - They're not.

drinking used

↓

Well, people are pussies. What can we say?

pussies

↓

I'm just happy you guys are stoked on the product.

happy product stoked

↓

I really think that Shallow Shade Lager could be

shade shallow

↓

a really big draw here at Paddy's Pub.

draw paddys

↓

- Yeah. Tell us more about this - Tell us more about it.

↓

Okay, uh, it's brewed locally right here in Philly.

philly

↓

- Like that. - Uh-huh.

↓

Uses all natural ingredients for a crisp, clean taste.

clean crisp ingredients natural taste uses

↓

- [Dennis] Nice. - Eighty calories per bottle.

bottle calories dennis eighty

↓

- Oh, yeah. I like that. - Stay fit.

↓

And best of all, obviously, it is nonalcoholic.

best obviously

↓

[all laughing]

laughing

↓

- Nonalcoholic. - Look who's got a dry sense of humor.

humor sense

↓

- Yeah, look at him. - [Charlie chuckling] Nonalcoholic.

charlie chuckling

↓

What's the alcohol content though, for real?

alcohol content real

↓

It's-It's none, it's zero.

zero

↓

None.

↓

You're gonna want to get out of here because--

↓

- Get the hell out of here. - Get out.

↓

Somebody's gonna You think we're joking, but we're not.

joking somebodys

↓

- Why's he standing there? - I drank this, man!

drank standing whys

↓

Get out!

↓

- [Charlie] I drank this shit, man! - Get out of here!

charlie drank

↓

- Get! - [Charlie] Get him, Dee!

charlie

↓

- You piece of shit! - Get! Go!

piece

↓

Go! Go!

↓

[♪ "Temptation Sensation" playing]

playing sensation temptation

↓

It's crazy to me, you know, because they taste the same,

crazy taste

↓

but they just don't work the same, you know?

↓

- No. - Right.

↓

It's official. The war on alcohol has finally come to our shores.

alcohol finally official

↓

- No! - [Frank] Damn.

frank

↓

- How did we not see this coming? - We got caught flat-footed.

caught coming flat

↓

I mean [stammers] this thing's been coming for a long time though.

coming stammers

↓

- It's been coming for us. - They're taking the booze out of beer.

beer booze coming

↓

They take the tobacco out of cigarettes.

cigarettes tobacco

↓

They're taking the meat out of burgers.

burgers meat

↓

They took out cocaine out of Coca-Cola.

cocaine cola

↓

Yeah, there was cocaine in there. Right? Yeah.

cocaine

↓

I, for one, I'm sick of it.

sick

↓

I feel like we need to remind people that alcohol is good for us.

alcohol remind

↓

- Yeah, exactly. - Dude, it's great for us.

↓

- It's a wonderful thing. - It's, like, one of the main food groups.

food groups main

↓

Back in my day, a bar was the only place

place

↓

where people from all walks of life could come together.

life walks

↓

[Dee] Yeah.

↓

I mean, you had roofers drinking with brain surgeons.

brain drinking surgeons

↓

Whites, Blacks, Ricans, 'malans, 'zuelans.

blacks whites

↓

- Yeah. Everyone's toge-- - No Asians.

asians everyones

↓

- [Dee] No? - They kept to themselves.

↓

Couldn't get them to mix, huh?

↓

- It's a private, inner circle. - Sort of like an allergy.

allergy circle inner private

↓

- They avoided us. - Well, yeah.

avoided

↓

Alcohol is the glue that sort of binds us all together.

alcohol glue

↓

- It's like the society's glue. - Yes!

glue

↓

- A great unifier is what it is. - It is, exactly.

↓

[Frank] Exactly. I tell you what we should do.

frank

↓

We should go down to that big office building down the block

block building office

↓

and go up there and recruit some suits to come to Paddy's happy hour.

happy hour paddys recruit suits

↓

- Oh, hey. That's a good idea. - Oh, that's a good idea.

idea

↓

Get that vibe going again. Get people hammered at lunchtime, you now?

hammered lunchtime vibe

↓

Charlie, why don't you and I go to the factory?

charlie factory

↓

We round up some blue-collar workers so we've got all of our bases covered?

bases blue collar covered round workers

↓

We'll go blue-collar, and you go white-collar.

blue collar white

↓

- We'll bring them together. - We'll get them all.

bring

↓

- [Dennis] Nice. Smart. - It's the great unifier, really, alcohol.

alcohol dennis smart

↓

All right. Let's fight back in this war.

fight

↓

[Dee] What kind of business did you say this was?

business

↓

- Directory said it was a marketing agency. - Oh.

agency directory marketing

↓

Okay, that's exactly the type of clientele we need

clientele type

↓

to be getting at Paddy's, you know what I mean? Fancy suits,

fancy paddys suits

↓

fancy ties, power lunches and shit, you know?

fancy lunches power ties

↓

- Yeah. - Yeah.

↓

That being said, I'm not seeing anybody in this office,

anybody office seeing

↓

so I don't know what's happening.

↓

- [Frank] Yeah. - Here we go. Hey, hi, do you work here?

frank

↓

Uh, I'm an intern. My name's Darren.

darren intern names

↓

Uh, well, Darren [stammers] where is everybody?

darren everybody stammers

↓

Everybody mostly works remote these days.

days everybody mostly remote works

↓

They only come in for, like, important meetings.

meetings

↓

Do you guys work here?

↓

- Yes. - Yes, we do.

↓

- Yeah. - Yep, we're, uh, in marketing.

marketing

↓

- Marketing. - Oh, great. Hey, that's great.

marketing

↓

If you guys need anything at all, just please let me know.

↓

- Wonderful. - Yes, we got it, Darren. Thank you.

darren

↓

- Thanks, Darren. - Thanks.

darren thanks

↓

See, guys, this is exactly the problem.

problem

↓

Nobody's going into bars, nobody's going into offices.

bars nobodys offices

↓

It's all connected.

connected

↓

- Work and alcohol should be intertwined. - Oh, yeah.

alcohol

↓

I mean, when I was working, I would come into the office, pour myself a drink,

drink office pour working

↓

take a few meetings, goose the secretary, go to lunch,

goose lunch meetings secretary

↓

have a few more drinks, and come back.

drinks

↓

You know, work, drink, goose, then go back to the bar

drink goose

↓

until I got drunk enough to tolerate my family.

drunk family tolerate

↓

I mean, home was where you never wanted to be.

home wanted

↓

- Yeah, we remember. - Yeah, we we're your kids.

kids remember

↓

- Yeah. [chuckles] - So we were there. [chuckles]

chuckles

↓

- Right. - That being said, you know, I do I think

↓

we could take advantage of this situation here.

advantage situation

↓

Hear me out. What if we were to use this space to,

space

↓

like, create an ad of our own,

create

↓

you know, that could deliver our message to the masses?

deliver masses message

↓

Oh.

↓

- Right? - Like Got Milk?

milk

↓

- But for booze. - Yes, exactly.

booze

↓

Okay, but [stammers] hear me out here.

stammers

↓

If we're going to be singing the virtues of alcohol,

alcohol singing

↓

- I feel we should also be drinking it. - And wearing suits.

drinking suits wearing

↓

- And smoking. - Yes!

smoking

↓

- And smoking. - Come on. [chuckles]

chuckles smoking

↓

I think we're headed in the right direction here. This is good.

direction headed

↓

Now the last thing we want in our bar is a bunch of eggheads.

bunch

↓

- No nerds. - No nerds.

nerds

↓

Let's get in there. Let's find some hulking beefcakes.

↓

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but, dude, dude, I gotta stop you before we go in.

↓

I'm a little concerned about this look, like, what's going on here, man?

concerned

↓

All the beefcakes are going to be dressed like this, dude.

dressed

↓

- Really? - Yeah, they're gonna want their torsos

↓

to breathe on account of the molten lava.

account breathe lava molten

↓

[gasps] Wait, dude.

gasps

↓

Is this one of those factories with a giant vat of lava in the middle?

factories giant lava middle

↓

Every single industrial warehouse in this city

city industrial single warehouse

↓

is harnessing the power of molten lava to melt steel.

lava melt molten power steel

↓

Dude, I knew that, and I totally forgot about it.

forgot

↓

- What's with the bag? - Oh. Okay, yeah, good.

↓

So I was figuring at some point they're going to blow a loud whistle,

blow figuring loud point whistle

↓

we're all going to break off.

break

↓

We're gonna eat our lunches on a giant beam,

beam giant lunches

↓

suspended thousands of feet above the city.

city feet suspended thousands

↓

You know what I mean?

↓

Goddamn it, Charlie,

charlie goddamn goddamn-it

↓

- that is brilliant. - I know.

brilliant

↓

And I didn't bring lunch, and that's exactly what's gonna happen.

bring happen lunch

↓

No, no, I brought you a sandwich, yeah.

brought sandwich

↓

- You did? - I made sandwiches for all the boys.

boys sandwiches

↓

Make sure you play it tough.

tough

↓

You got to prepare yourself for what we're about to walk into, dude.

prepare walk

↓

It is gonna to be dark, it is gonna be steamy,

dark steamy

↓

it is gonna be loud, and it is gonna be hot.

loud

↓

- Yeah, you're right. You're right. - So let's bow up.

↓

- And let's try to fit in. - All right.

↓

[gruff voice] Youse want some sandwiches? Let's go.

sandwiches voice youse

↓

Fellas, got sandwiches.

fellas sandwiches

↓

[Mac] What the shit is this?

↓

It's bright as hell in here, dude.

bright

↓

Yeah. And freezing.

freezing

↓

And where's the Where's the lava vats?

lava

↓

Where are the muscular men that I was promised?

muscular promised

↓

I see one dude, but he doesn't look very muscular at all.

muscular

↓

His collar is white. This is all very confusing.

collar confusing white

↓

Yeah, a white-collar guy. Let's just talk to him.

collar white

↓

- Let's go. - Okay.

↓

[Charlie] Excuse me. Hey, sir.

charlie excuse

↓

Yeah, hi [stammers] Sorry to bother you, but, like, um, where's the lava?

bother lava stammers

↓

Lava?

lava

↓

Yeah, and the muscular men who bend your steel?

bend muscular steel

↓

Yeah, do you have a room with, like, flying sparks and you know, like

flying room sparks

↓

Crashing and bashing and most importantly, glistening muscles.

bashing crashing importantly muscles

↓

Yeah, like, where is everybody, dude?

everybody

↓

Well, most of the manufacturing has been automated

automated

↓

and whatever can't be done by robots has been outsourced to China, so

china robots

↓

I'm having a hard time picturing muscular Chinamen bending steel.

bending hard having muscular picturing steel

↓

Yeah, you know what, I just Because I associate the Chinese

associate chinese

↓

with speed and agility more than, like--

speed

↓

I would think more Korean or Filipino to be in this--

filipino korean

↓

- Yeah, but just not pure brute strength. - Not pure brute strength.

brute pure strength

↓

I'm sorry, guys, can I help you?

↓

No, no, I don't think so.

↓

We're looking for a more blue-collar-type man for our bar.

blue collar looking type

↓

Well, yeah, we're doing We're bringing back the whole,

bringing whole

↓

like, drinking happy hour lunch break thing at our bar, so

break drinking happy hour lunch

↓

I could I could come.

↓

Yeah, I could really use the company.

company

↓

Question though, you guys have nonalcoholic beers?

beers question

↓

- Weirdly, yeah, we do actually, but-- - Fantastic.

fantastic

↓

You don't really fit the profile, is what I'm saying.

profile

↓

Yeah. Oh, dude! Yeah, you probably have to, like,

↓

be, like, doing more push-ups and stuff

push stuff

↓

just to build the physique that he's going for.

build physique

↓

Oh, and plus you have to, like, run this whole factory,

factory plus whole

↓

since you're the only guy here, you know?

↓

Actually, I can monitor all the machines from an app on my phone.

machines monitor phone

↓

Yeah, you can automate any business.

business

↓

- Oh, that's-that's so so lame - Cool. You can automate stuff now.

cool lame stuff

↓

- That's really lame. - That's exciting. Yeah--

exciting lame

↓

- Okay, how many push-ups do you want? - [Charlie] Oh.

charlie push

↓

- Okay, how many push-ups do you want? - [Charlie] Oh. - What's this guy's deal? - I

charlie deal push

↓

- What's this guy's deal? - I

deal

↓

- I've been doing P90X since I was five. - Have you? Yeah.

five

↓

I think you just get kind of weird working alone all day.

alone weird working

↓

Yeah, hey, you're good actually.

↓

- That's-That's fine. - Yeah?

↓

That's Yeah, that's-that's good.

↓

Okay. He's the best we got.

best

↓

All right, come on, dude. What's your name?

name

↓

- Oh, my name is Mitch. - Okay, Mitch. Let's... Let's roll.

mitch name roll

↓

All right, so we need to come up with an ad

↓

that's gonna get people excited about drinking in bars again, right?

bars drinking excited

↓

So, why don't we start with a little word association, right?

association start word

↓

I'll start. Um, alcohol.

alcohol start

↓

Delicious.

delicious

↓

- Uh, refreshing. - Uh-huh, classy.

classy refreshing

↓

- Delicious. - We already did that one, Frank.

delicious frank

↓

People hate words.

hate words

↓

The first rule of advertising is show, don't tell.

advertising rule

↓

- What if we came up with a mascot? - [Frank] Mmm.

frank mascot

↓

Like when we were kids, we started smoking because a cartoon camel

camel cartoon kids smoking started

↓

in a very cool black leather jacket told us it was cool.

black cool jacket leather

↓

- A mascot could work. - Yeah.

mascot

↓

- How about a worm? - [Dee] Huh?

worm

↓

Well, too slimy.

slimy

↓

- Yeah. - Porcupine?

↓

Too prickly.

↓

Penguin?

↓

Well, now a penguin I like.

↓

- A penguin could wear a tuxedo. - [Frank] Mm-hmm.

frank tuxedo wear

↓

- And a Rolex. - Yes!

↓

Rolling down the highway in an Alfa Romeo,

highway rolling romeo

↓

drink in one hand, babe in the other, I like this.

babe drink hand

↓

Dee, write it down.

write

↓

- You're on fire. Yeah. - Yeah. [chuckles]

chuckles fire

↓

No, why would I write it down?

write

↓

Why not? We're spinning gold here.

gold spinning

↓

Somebody's got to write it down.

somebodys write

↓

- Yeah. Write it down, Dee. - Okay, well, I'm not your secretary.

secretary write

↓

- Why would I be the one to write it down? - You're the woman.

woman write

↓

It's bad enough we can't bang or goose shit.

bang goose

↓

- Yeah. - Frank, it's not the '50s anymore, okay?

anymore frank

↓

- Women are equal now. - Okay, Dee.

equal women

↓

No one's saying that you're not equal, okay?

equal ones

↓

You have just as much say as us.

↓

- Thank you. - Okay, so why don't we put it to a vote?

vote

↓

Who wants Dee to be the secretary?

secretary wants

↓

Oh, goddamn it. No, you know what? Screw you guys.

goddamn goddamn-it screw

↓

- No, forget it. - [coughs]

coughs forget

↓

Big old wide, empty office. I'm gonna take full advantage of it.

advantage empty full office wide

↓

Big old wide, empty office. I'm gonna take full advantage of it. [chuckles] Okay, well, good riddance.

advantage chuckles empty full office wide

↓

[chuckles] Okay, well, good riddance.

chuckles

↓

Worst secretary I ever had.

secretary worst

↓

Yeah, so your customers can just tap their card,

card customers

↓

use their phone, tip, and help themselves all while you are out.

phone

↓

- It's impressive. I'll give you that. - Yeah.

impressive

↓

There you go. There's a beer for you and a nonalcoholic for me.

beer

↓

- Yeah. - So, yeah.

↓

You want anything else without the main ingredient in it?

main

↓

- [chuckles] - Want a water with no hydrogen? [chuckles]

chuckles water

↓

You can never make water with no hydrogen.

water

↓

I'm gonna fucking smash this guy across his head. I-I can't. I mean

fucking head smash

↓

Yeah, you All hydrants have water in them, dude.

water

↓

Come on, dude. Let's-Let's go talk to our-our-our buddies.

buddies

↓

- [Dennis grunts] - [Charlie groans]

charlie dennis groans grunts

↓

What's with that dude?

↓

Oh, he's he's like a nerd factory worker.

factory nerd worker

↓

It's the best we could find, man.

best

↓

He's automating the bar, whatever that means.

↓

Better than a monkey.

monkey

↓

Yeah, at least that thing can't stick its dick in our mouths. [chuckles]

chuckles dick least mouths stick

↓

A monkey did do that.

monkey

↓

But the whole thing about the monkey we can forget.

forget monkey whole

↓

- Yeah, I forget the mon Hey, yo! - It comes into my mind,

comes forget mind

↓

every once in a while.

↓

- Oh, yeah, that monkey. - It does.

monkey

↓

I wake up in the night sometimes, just terrified thinking about the monkey.

monkey night sometimes terrified thinking wake

↓

We all caught something from that monkey, right?

caught monkey

↓

Like, everybody I was sick for days, dude.

days everybody sick

↓

- I was sick for days. - I know.

days sick

↓

Uh, hey, how'd it go at the office building?

building howd office

↓

- [groans] Total ghost town. - No one there?

ghost groans total town

↓

Dude, no one's at the factory either.

factory ones

↓

- He's the only guy working there. - Really?

working

↓

- He's the only guy working there. - Really? They're taking the alcohol out of booze and the workers out of the workplace.

alcohol booze workers working workplace

↓

They're taking the alcohol out of booze and the workers out of the workplace.

alcohol booze workers workplace

↓

Yeah, and there's no lava in the factories anymore. It's just crazy.

anymore crazy factories lava

↓

Lava was our most important American export.

american export lava

↓

That's why we took over Hawaii.

hawaii

↓

Yeah, I don't know about that, but, you know, Frank and I

frank

↓

have been working on, like, a little ad to get people back into bars.

bars working

↓

- Oh, okay. - Okay, yeah.

↓

- Advertising, we didn't think about that. - That's lunch.

advertising lunch

↓

- Oh, is that lunch? - It's lunch time.

lunch

↓

- Yeah, lunch is over. - We gotta get back to work.

lunch

↓

That's lunch. All right, bottoms up, boys.

bottoms boys lunch

↓

- [Frank vocalizes] - All right, let's go.

frank

↓

[all gulping]

gulping

↓

[gasps] Oh.

gasps

↓

- Please come in. - You wanted to see me?

wanted

↓

Mm-hmm.

↓

[sucks teeth] I was hoping you could fill me up.

fill hoping sucks teeth

↓

- [chuckling] - [mutters]

chuckling mutters

↓

Bend over over there, get it done.

bend

↓

- Just in the shaker, I'm assuming. - Yeah.

assuming

↓

Do a little splash. Smells like you already got--

smells splash

↓

- [groans] Whoa! - [laughs]

groans laughs whoa

↓

You just got goosed, my friend.

friend

↓

Oh, is that for me?

↓

Yeah, nice and stiff, just like mama likes.

likes mama stiff

↓

Let me ask you a question.

question

↓

Do you believe women, Derrick?

believe women

↓

- It's, uh, it's D It's Darren. - Mm-hmm.

darren

↓

Well, believe me when I say, I'ma break your dick off.

believe break dick

↓

[yells] What are you doing?

yells

↓

- I'm putting you to work. - I don't

putting

↓

- Um, I don't think that I can do this. - Why not? Why can't you do it?

↓

Oh, because I have, um

↓

- [whispering] I have low T. - You got a little D?

whispering

↓

- No, no. - I don't love it, but I can twerk with it.

love

↓

Low testosterone.

testosterone

↓

It's-It's-It's really common amongst men my age, actually.

amongst common

↓

- What are you, like, 20? - Also, I'm in a relationship.

relationship

↓

[stammers] What? [laughing]

laughing stammers

↓

No, no, no, no.

↓

Oh, Derrick, no, there-there's been a misunderstanding.

misunderstanding

↓

You see, I'm your boss.

boss

↓

This is about power.

power

↓

I'm about to wield mine.

wield

↓

[♪ dramatic music plays]

dramatic dramatic-music music music-plays plays

↓

ug, chug, chug, chug!

chug

↓

Attaboy, Mitchell! [laughing]

attaboy laughing

↓

- These nonalcoholic beers are great. - They're good, right?

beers

↓

Are you sure they're nonalcoholic?

↓

I could swear that I'm feeling tipsy.

feeling swear tipsy

↓

Yeah, right. Well, I think that's just your mind playing tricks on you, man.

mind playing tricks

↓

'Cause it's actually impossible, uh, to get drunk off of these.

drunk impossible

↓

All right, you know what, why don't you, like,

↓

push a bunch of buttons and see if you can work up a sweat?

bunch buttons push sweat

↓

Then later maybe you can pop your shirt off

shirt

↓

for my boy, cause he needs a win, man. You can see it in his eyes, right?

eyes needs

↓

- Deal. - There's a sadness there.

deal sadness

↓

All right, push the buttons! Mitch, go, go, go!

buttons mitch push

↓

I'm gonna go find him. Keep drinking, all right?

drinking

↓

- Chug, chug, chug! - [imitates robot, chuckles]

chuckles chug imitates robot

↓

Yo, Mac, yo. Ah, hey, dude. Good news, man.

news

↓

I spiked this NA beer with alcohol and Mitch is getting wasted, dude.

alcohol beer mitch spiked wasted

↓

[chuckles] I think we can maybe mold this guy into what we need.

chuckles mold

↓

- You want one of these? - Yeah, absolutely.

absolutely

↓

I'm just going through some of these old employee files.

employee files

↓

Okay, cool, yeah.

cool

↓

Wait a second, I think we found our man.

found second

↓

That's our guy! Buck Longwood.

buck

↓

What a name and what a man.

name

↓

- Cool. Yeah, he looks tough. Yeah, sure. - Yeah.

cool tough

↓

Tough? Tough doesn't even begin to describe it, Charlie.

begin charlie describe tough

↓

This is the kind of man that built America.

america built

↓

- Sure. - He could handle molten lava.

handle lava molten

↓

He could manipulate hard things with his bare hands.

bare bare-hands hands hard manipulate

↓

We owe these men everything. We gotta find him.

↓

Right.

↓

But to, like, just drink in our bar, right?

drink

↓

Well, to whatever, Charlie. Let's not limit it. I mean, once we

charlie limit

↓

I'm telling you, I want to limit it to just dudes drinking in the bar.

drinking dudes limit telling

↓

You don't think that the men that built America

america built

↓

deserve exactly what it is that they want?

deserve

↓

Yes, it's what you want.

↓

But we don't know what Buck wants until we get Buck.

buck wants

↓

Yeah, I got a hunch Buck and you don't want the same thing, buddy.

buck buddy hunch

↓

I don't know. Let's go find Buck.

buck

↓

Well, he's better than what's his name.

name

↓

- Yeah, All right. I - What is that?

↓

Speaking of Mitch Uh-oh, he's in trouble. Come on, come on.

mitch speaking trouble

↓

- Hey, whoa! - [chuckling] Guys, come here.

chuckling whoa

↓

- What's going on here? - [machine thudding]

machine thudding

↓

[chuckling] Oh, my God, my tie got stuck in the machine.

chuckling machine stuck

↓

Oh, yeah, well, that's why you don't wear a tie at a factory, right, Mitch?

factory mitch wear

↓

[mocking] Is that why you don't wear a tie to a factory, Mitch?

factory mitch mocking wear

↓

This guy See? He's loosening up. He's getting cooler.

cooler

↓

Hey, do me a favor. Press that button there. It should reverse it.

button favor press reverse

↓

- This one? - Okay.

↓

Oh.

↓

- [exhales] - [machine powers down]

exhales machine powers

↓

That was close. [laughing]

close laughing

↓

It's not terrible.

↓

It's really not that bad.

↓

Are you serious?

serious

↓

[laughs] Oh, Frankie baby.

baby frankie laughs

↓

- Yeah? - Mmm.

↓

This is gonna blow people's minds, man. This is how you

blow minds peoples

↓

This is how you market some shit right here.

market

↓

[chuckling]

chuckling

↓

We're out of vermouth.

↓

- Oof, that's not good. - No, look.

↓

Yeah, I see it.

↓

Okay, let's go over to Dee's office.

dees office

↓

[stammers] She's got some vermouth in there.

stammers

↓

- Oh. Okay. - We can make a martini.

martini

↓

- Envy. I want some. - [chuckles] Mmm.

chuckles envy

↓

Okay. [grunts]

grunts

↓

- Let's go, baby. - Let's do it. [grunts]

baby grunts

↓

[Frank groans] The night is young.

frank groans night young

↓

- What you talking about? It's daytime. - [grunts]

grunts

↓

What is-What is this?

↓

- [♪ jovial music playing] - [Frank] Ooh.

frank jovial jovial-music music music-playing playing

↓

- Who the hell are these people? - I don't know.

↓

Are we on the right floor?

floor

↓

- I don't know. - What's going on here right now?

↓

Oh, we're about to get started.

started

↓

Come on, they said they need everybody now, actually.

everybody

↓

Let's get started. Okay.

started

↓

- Go ahead. - Okay.

ahead go-ahead

↓

Let's get started, shall we?

started

↓

Great to have everyone back in the office for a change.

change office

↓

I'm so excited to hear what you've all been working on.

excited working

↓

So, um, who wants to go first? [clears throat]

clears clears-throat throat wants

↓

Uh, how about those two?

↓

Great.

↓

Gentlemen, the floor is yours.

floor gentlemen

↓

[whistles, stammers] Ah. [chuckles]

chuckles stammers whistles

↓

[stammers] Actually, uh

stammers

↓

We're not, like, 100% ready to present just yet.

present ready

↓

Yeah, it's still in the gestation period.

period

↓

- We're just we're still gestating. - Yeah, that's fine.

↓

Just give us the broad strokes of what you have so far.

broad

↓

Uh, you can use that cable there to plug in.

cable plug

↓

- Uh, just where we're at right now? - [Frank] Mmm.

frank

↓

- [manager] Mm-hmm. - Yeah, cool. Uh, we can do that, yeah.

cool manager

↓

Frank, do you wanna take this one? I feel like you got--

frank

↓

No, you got it.

↓

- You want me to s - Yeah, you-you-you-you do it.

↓

Kinda want you to say it. All right, I'll say it.

kinda

↓

- You do it. - All right, I got it.

↓

[Dennis chuckles] Very well, then.

chuckles dennis

↓

Um

↓

This is just where we're at right now.

↓

- Okay. - [manager] Great.

manager

↓

[Frank] Mm-hmm.

frank

↓

- Earth. - [Frank] Mmm.

earth frank

↓

- Our home, cradle of life. - [Frank grunting softly]

cradle frank grunting home life softly

↓

Beautiful from a distance,

distance

↓

but up close, it can be [inhales]

close inhales

↓

- overwhelming, chaotic, scary, even. - [Frank grunting, growling]

frank growling grunting overwhelming scary

↓

And yet, through it all, we don't falter.

↓

[Frank] Yeah.

frank

↓

- We remain composed - Mm-hmm.

composed remain

↓

- sophisticated - Mmm.

sophisticated

↓

- powerful. - [laser sound effect]

effect laser powerful sound

↓

And not because it's easy. It's not easy.

easy

↓

Mmm.

↓

- But because we have support. - [grunts]

grunts support

↓

[Dennis] It doesn't judge us.

dennis judge

↓

Doesn't talk back.

↓

It waits patiently.

waits

↓

- [Frank] Yeah. - [Dee] Mm-hmm.

frank

↓

Not too sweet, but not too bitter.

bitter sweet

↓

- Hmm. - Smooth.

smooth

↓

It's reliable.

reliable

↓

Ladies and gentlemen

gentlemen ladies

↓

I present to you the perfect secretary.

perfect present secretary

↓

[Frank] Mm-hmm.

frank

↓

[manager scoffs]

manager scoffs

↓

[Frank] Ah.

frank

↓

[Dennis, Frank chuckling]

chuckling dennis frank

↓

[scoffs]

scoffs

↓

W-What is this?

↓

[chuckles] What? Look at that. Are you kidding?

chuckles kidding

↓

- [Dennis] Yeah. - [Frank] That's it.

dennis frank

↓

You know, it's still a work in progress, but, I mean

progress

↓

We're still tinkering around the edges.

edges

↓

- Yeah, we're tinkering. - I'm sorry, who are you guys?

↓

- Eh - Uh, we're we're in marketing.

marketing

↓

- Markets, yeah. - Yeah, so am I.

markets

↓

So is everyone at this meeting. This is a marketing agency.

agency marketing meeting

↓

You know what, this is all really good feedback

feedback

↓

and very helpful, 'cause, you know, we're

helpful

↓

Like I said, we're still gesticulating, so we're gonna go, uh,

↓

ideate on this on some lunch. You-You wanna get some lunch?

lunch

↓

- I'm hungry. - I'm starving.

hungry starving

↓

Me too. You can't do these things when you're hungry.

hungry

↓

- [Frank] Starving. - Thank you. We'll, uh

frank starving

↓

- Okay. - We're gonna see you guys on the next one.

↓

- [Frank] We'll be back. - [Dee chuckles]

chuckles frank

↓

Men, am I right?

↓

- Are you drinking? - I am.

drinking

↓

- Are you employed here? - I am not.

↓

In fact, I'm gonna hit the road too, okay?

fact road

↓

Enough! [groans]

groans

↓

Your tongue is as useless as your pecker.

pecker tongue useless

↓

[♪ jovial music playing]

jovial jovial-music music music-playing playing

↓

You missed literally everything.

missed

↓

[thud]

thud

↓

[inhales] Wow, wow. Sorry. I'm sorry.

inhales

↓

She said that I had to do it.

↓

Part of my job.

part

↓

Sorry.

↓

What is happening?

↓

Is this where he lives?

lives

↓

That's what the file says.

file

↓

Okay, uh, hey, dude, are we sure we wanna be inviting, like,

inviting

↓

the trailer park crowd into the bar, you know what I mean? Like--

crowd park trailer

↓

Charlie, America turned its back on this guy

america charlie turned

↓

and he lost his job through no fault of his own, right?

fault lost

↓

It is our national duty to invite him to our bar.

duty invite national

↓

- Now! - I guess so.

↓

How do I look?

↓

What do you mean?

↓

- Do I look hot? - [sighs]

sighs

↓

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Longwood, do you mind if we come in?

excuse mind

↓

[Buck] Who's asking?

asking buck

↓

We're not from the government or anything, and we're not trying to sell you anything.

government sell

↓

We just wanna see if you wanna come to our bar for a drink.

drink

↓

Yeah. Actually, see, we work at the factory you used to work at.

factory used

↓

The factory, huh?

factory

↓

It ain't the same.

aint

↓

- No. It's not the same. - Well, no

↓

Nothing is the same anymore.

anymore

↓

- The factory sucks now, dude. - Yeah.

factory sucks

↓

There-There-There's a war on workers. There's a war on booze.

booze workers

↓

There's a war on the entire American way of life.

american entire life

↓

The American lifestyle. The American lifestyle, yeah.

american lifestyle

↓

And we wanna go back to the way it was, which is why we wanna invite you down

invite

↓

to our bar for a drink on us and whatever it is you wanna do with me.

drink

↓

Oh, no, that was good. You said enough. You can stop right there.

↓

Shit. [sighs] Why not?

sighs

↓

- Okay. All right, man, cool. - [chuckles] Okay, that was great.

chuckles cool

↓

- I'm in. - [♪ scary music plays]

music music-plays plays scary

↓

- Oh, shit! - No, no!

↓

- No! Goddamn! - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Sorry. I'm so sorry.

goddamn

↓

- No! Goddamn! - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Sorry. I'm so sorry. We didn't mean to scream.

goddamn scream

↓

We didn't mean to scream.

scream

↓

[Mac] I didn't mean to say no, but no.

↓

- [Charlie] Yeah. - It's okay. It happens.

charlie happens

↓

- Does it happen? - Does it happen too often?

happen often

↓

- I bet it happens. - I bet it does, 'cause that's gruesome.

gruesome happens

↓

When you go like this and people don't see half,

half

↓

- and then you do one of those, it's - Yeah.

↓

you know, you [stammers] gotta give a guy a heads-up, but

heads stammers

↓

- Yeah, 'cause - So, how did that happen?

happen

↓

Lava accident.

accident lava

↓

- Oh. - Ooh.

↓

That's a shame.

shame

↓

Was it the company's fault?

companys fault

↓

No. It was mine.

↓

Drinking on the job.

drinking

↓

Were you drinking and you

drinking

↓

- and you were doing the lava? - Probably don't wanna be doing that.

lava

↓

- You don't wanna be drinking and doing - That's a bad combo.

combo drinking

↓

So, where we boys headed? I'll grab my chair.

boys chair grab headed

↓

- Grab your chair? This is your chair. Um - No.

chair grab

↓

[Charlie] Yeah, no, we're gonna just go.

charlie

↓

Yeah, we're gonna run and you can't run, so

↓

Yeah, we're gonna run and you can't run, so We don't have a ramp, and we weren't expecting you to be all burned up.

burned expecting ramp

↓

We don't have a ramp, and we weren't expecting you to be all burned up.

burned expecting ramp

↓

- Oh, shit. I shouldn't have said that. - No, don't say that.

↓

- This is the wrong guy - We got it wrong.

↓

Thank you for your service.

service

↓

Yeah, I don't think he's in the military.

military

↓

- Yeah. - Sorry about that and, uh, have a good

↓

- Yeah. - time.

↓

Sorry, Buck.

buck

↓

- Well, this was a total bust. - Yeah.

bust total

↓

It's terrible, you know?

↓

Times have changed.

changed times

↓

- The workplace has become a nightmare. - Yeah.

become nightmare workplace

↓

They've taken the T out of the men.

taken

↓

My intern was useless.

intern useless

↓

Could not get that engine started.

engine started

↓

All right, well, now, this is interesting. According to this machine,

according interesting machine

↓

we actually made a shit ton in sales today.

sales today

↓

What? How? We were barely even here.

barely

↓

They even bought a bunch of the NA

bought bunch

↓

They mostly bought the NA beer.

beer bought mostly

↓

They charged it to the machine. We made a lot of money.

charged machine money

↓

Maybe we're thinking about this whole thing wrong.

thinking whole

↓

Maybe we should embrace a more modern workplace environment,

embrace environment modern workplace

↓

like more remote work, you know?

remote

↓

One thing is for sure, we should stop drinking in the workplace,

drinking workplace

↓

'cause we know that can only lead to bad things.

lead

↓

Yeah, that-that can be bad.

↓

- Yeah. - Yeah. [chuckles]

chuckles

↓

- Right. - [Mac] Mm-hmm.

↓

- [Charlie] Mmm. - Or

charlie

↓

[♪ jovial music playing]

jovial jovial-music music music-playing playing

↓

- Hey. - See you later.

↓

- Bye. Bye. - Adios.

adios

↓

- See you later, you piece of shit. - Oh, my God.

piece

↓

- Bastard. - Let's go get a real beer.

bastard beer real

↓

- Ass. - Let's get a real beer.

beer real

↓

- Ass. - Let's get a real beer. [♪ "On Your Bike" playing]

beer bike playing real

↓

[♪ "On Your Bike" playing]

bike playing