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Home » Silicon Valley » S06E01 — Artificial Lack of Intelligence

Silicon Valley

Season 6, Episode 1 — Artificial Lack of Intelligence

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Silicon Valley

Episode title: Artificial Lack of Intelligence

Air date: October 27, 2019

Director: Mike Judge

Top billed cast: Thomas Middleditch, Zach Woods, Kumail Nanjiani, Martin Starr, Amanda Crew, Matt Ross

Richard discovers his promise that Pied Piper won’t collect user data is under threat. Jared longs for the past. Gilfoyle gets creative in dealing with Dinesh.

Source: TMDB

↓

- Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -

corrected synced

↓

You wish to acquire a company called Sliceline?

called company wish

↓

I will be taking on a total engineering team

engineering team total

↓

of about 50.

↓

I just have to go back into my office.

office

↓

Well we thought the best way to introduce the PiperNet

best introduce

↓

would be through the eight developers.

eight

↓

I have been cooking up a killer new game.

cooking game killer

↓

The Gates of Galloo.

gates

↓

We put this thing on PiperNet...

↓

Bam, 80,000 instant users.

instant users

↓

Partnering with a company of that size,

company size

↓

this early, would put us months ahead.

ahead early months

↓

Knock 'em dead, Richard.

dead knock richard

↓

Whatever you are doing, stop it now.

↓

Um, yeah, we're just high-fiving.

fiving

↓

Bye.

↓

You need to make a deal with my companies.

companies deal

↓

Taking existing companies and just calling them new

calling companies existing

↓

isn't sophisticated, that's theft.

sophisticated theft

↓

So they're manufacturing phones

phones

↓

and signing them onto our network.

network signing

↓

Why would they wanna help us?

↓

They're not helping us, they're attacking us.

attacking helping

↓

- It's the 51 percent attack. - I'm sorry, what?

attack percent

↓

A 51 percent...

percent

↓

We've been exploring the viability

↓

of an acquisition with Amazon.

acquisition amazon

↓

You expect me to work for Jeff Bezos?

expect jeff

↓

No way.

↓

I happen to know that they fucked you over.

fucked happen

↓

How would you like to fuck them back?

fuck

↓

I need you to attack me.

attack

↓

- A second attack. - Yes.

attack second

↓

Boom, you just got 80,000 new users.

boom users

↓

Colin, you did it, you saved us.

colin saved

↓

Gilfoyle, the patch.

patch

↓

Bombs away.

bombs

↓

Oh, my God. These are our new offices?

offices

↓

We're actually right through here.

↓

What do you guys think?

↓

Do you want to see the second floor?

floor second second-floor

↓

There's another floor? Okay.

another floor

↓

Whoa.

whoa

↓

I know, it's exciting, right?

exciting

↓

Here we are, right here to the left.

left

↓

I like your tie.

↓

Oh, thank you. I tied it myself.

tied

↓

Oh...

↓

Okay. Well, good luck.

luck

↓

Mr. Hendricks, thank you for being here.

↓

For the last three hours, we've been asking

asking hours three three-hours

↓

some prominent members of your industry

industry members prominent

↓

questions about the security of their users' data.

data questions security users

↓

And while the gentlemen from Facebook, Google, and Amazon

amazon facebook gentlemen google

↓

have acknowledged some egregious lapses in the past...

past

↓

And Hooli, sir. Hooli also acknowledged

↓

some spectacular lapses.

spectacular

↓

Yes.

↓

As I was saying,

↓

these fine folks have been assuring us all that

folks

↓

their oversights are behind them,

behind

↓

and that they are the best people

best

↓

to protect their users' privacy.

privacy protect users

↓

But my colleague, Senator Shizaki

colleague senator

↓

of the great state of Hawaii,

hawaii state

↓

suggested that you might have a different view.

might suggested view

↓

Senator?

senator

↓

Thank you, Chairman Hubbard.

chairman

↓

Mr. Hendricks and his company, Pied Piper,

company piper

↓

are developing a pilot program to deliver

deliver developing pilot program

↓

wireless Internet to my constituents

internet wireless

↓

on the island of Maui.

island

↓

I have asked him to deliver a statement here today.

asked deliver statement today

↓

Mr. Hendricks?

↓

Yes.

↓

Mr. Hendricks, now would be the time for that statement.

statement

↓

Okay.

↓

I probably should've gotten these out before.

gotten shouldve shouldve-gotten

↓

He looks like a child in a custody hearing.

child custody hearing

↓

But, like, you don't feel sorry for him.

↓

You just want him to go away

↓

and not have any parents at all.

parents

↓

Hello, I am Richard Hendricks, CEO of Pied Piper.

piper richard

↓

There you go.

↓

- Eye contact. - I'm proud to tell you

contact proud

↓

that we are working with Senator Shizaki...

senator working

↓

- Good. - ... on developing the first step

developing step

↓

in providing a new type of Internet

internet providing type

↓

to the world. Oh...

world

↓

Hold on.

↓

Uh, basically,

↓

it-it is a program...

program

↓

that i-i-it's kinda...

kinda

↓

Actually, can I pace? I-I just think better on my feet.

feet pace

↓

So, a lot of people...

↓

Mr. Hendricks!

↓

Speak into the machine!

machine speak

↓

Oh! Okay.

↓

I'm sorry. Does this come out?

↓

Perfect.

perfect

↓

- Fuck. - Okay, so,

fuck

↓

these people up here, right?

↓

You want to rein them in, but you can't.

↓

Uh, Facebook owns 80% of mobile social traffic.

facebook mobile owns social traffic

↓

Google owns 92% of search,

google owns search

↓

and Amazon Web Services

amazon services

↓

is bigger than their next four competitors combined.

bigger combined four

↓

And they will be even more robust

↓

once the Hooli merger is complete.

complete merger

↓

Ah, see! Look, there!

↓

Even Hooli can't survive these monopolies.

survive

↓

No one can!

↓

They track our every move,

track

↓

they monitor every moment in our lives,

lives moment monitor

↓

and-and they exploit our data for profit.

data exploit profit

↓

And you can ask them all the questions you want,

questions

↓

but they're not gonna change, they don't have to.

change

↓

These companies are kings,

companies kings

↓

and they rule over kingdoms far larger

larger rule

↓

than any nation in human history.

history human nation

↓

They won, we lost.

lost

↓

So, why are you here?

↓

Because look at where we are.

↓

Yeah?

↓

- We are in the seat of the US government... - Mr. Hendricks?

government seat

↓

I'm okay. I've got it now.

↓

We are in the seat of the US government,

government seat

↓

a government that was founded by people

founded government

↓

who were, at one point, ruled by kings they couldn't overthrow.

kings point ruled

↓

So, what did they do, right? They started over.

started

↓

They came here, to the New World.

world

↓

World 2.0, version 1776.

version world

↓

And the way we win

↓

is by creating a new,

creating

↓

democratic, decentralized Internet,

democratic internet

↓

one where the behavior of companies like this

behavior companies

↓

will be impossible, forever.

forever impossible

↓

One where it is the users,

users

↓

not the kings,

kings

↓

who have sovereign control over their data.

control data

↓

This, I promise to you: I will help you end this tyranny

promise

↓

by building an Internet that is

building internet

↓

of the people, by the people, and for the people,

↓

so help me God.

↓

Yeah!

↓

Whoo!

whoo

↓

Whoa!

whoa

↓

* Silicon Valley 6x01 * Artificial Lack of Intelligence

artificial intelligence lack silicon silicon-valley valley

↓

No, Mike, I just...

mike

↓

- Huh? There he is! - Uh...

↓

King slayer! How was it?

king

↓

- Good. I-I... I, um... - You can go.

↓

- I got it... - Yeah, I mean, I think it went pretty well.

↓

I mean, you saw it, right?

↓

Of course, but I-I-I want to hear

course

↓

you tell me everything, every detail.

detail

↓

Holden...

↓

The man just got off the plane, give him some space!

plane space

↓

Jesus...

jesus

↓

Okay, so you touch down at Dulles,

touch

↓

you turn off airplane mode, and then...

airplane mode

↓

Well, actually, we flew through Reagan National.

flew national reagan

↓

Reagan? But you love trams.

love reagan

↓

Well...

↓

See, this is why I should still be handling your travel.

handling travel

↓

Oh, don't worry about it, Jared, you're busy.

busy jared worry

↓

I'm never too busy for you.

busy

↓

But let's... let's not get caught up in that, right?

caught

↓

- Right. - We're here now, and we're walking,

walking

↓

and we're talking.

↓

I mean, take it all in, my friend.

friend

↓

Look at all this.

↓

Can you believe we began our journey way back...

began believe journey

↓

in that little living room

living living-room room

↓

in the hostel?

↓

And just yesterday, you addressed our nation's most

addressed nations yesterday

↓

hallowed, powerful legi...

powerful

↓

Surprise!

surprise

↓

* Too legit too legit to quit *

legit quit

↓

* Too legit... *

legit

↓

Anyway, like I was saying out there,

↓

we started out in that little hostel, just a couple of kids.

couple kids started

↓

- Yeah. - Right?

↓

- And now... - You killed it, Richard!

killed richard

↓

Way to punch big tech in the dick!

dick punch tech

↓

I was just gonna say,

↓

let's... let's take a moment to let it soak in, right?

moment soak

↓

- Look what you've built! - Uh-huh.

built

↓

Okay, I'll let you go now! Enjoy the party!

enjoy party

↓

Your compression algorithm was the stardust!

algorithm

↓

Hey, Richard! Richard!

richard

↓

Come here.

↓

Stand here.

stand

↓

Congratulations from Team Dinesh!

congratulations team

↓

Yeah.

↓

* It's Aloha Friday! *

friday

↓

* I'm going to Hawaii! *

hawaii

↓

- Okay, um... - * Bah-doopy-doo! *

↓

Congratulations.

congratulations

↓

* Bah-doopy-doopy-doopy doo! *

↓

- * It's Aloha Friday! * - Uh...

friday

↓

* Setting up the island's first decentralized Meshnet *

setting

↓

Uh, "You...

↓

licked ass?"

licked

↓

- What? - "You dicked ass"?

↓

- I-I dicked ass? - Kicked ass!

kicked

↓

- Kicked! - Oh.

kicked

↓

Why were those your first two guesses?

↓

Gabe, what the fuck?!

fuck gabe

↓

- You're the K! Where's the K? - K's right there.

↓

- Kicked has two Ks! - Hey.

kicked

↓

- Ha. - That's for you.

↓

Oh, uh, I'm trying to get some work done today.

today

↓

I-I just wanted to toast.

toast wanted

↓

Okay. So...

↓

Don't worry, it's short.

short worry

↓

The word companion

companion word

↓

derives from the Latin word

latin word

↓

"panis" for bread,

bread

↓

and while I can no longer digest bread,

bread longer

↓

- I know that you leaven my life... - Richard!

life richard

↓

Hey, man, you got a second?

second

↓

Uh, yes, Colin. No, I do. Um...

colin

↓

Sorry. Okay. Uh, cheers.

cheers

↓

Saw you on TV. You crushed it.

crushed

↓

That king shit was on point, man.

king point

↓

- I fucking love kings. - Oh, yeah.

fucking fucking-love kings love

↓

So listen, um, did they swear you in?

swear

↓

Like, pull the whole Johnny Law routine with you?

johnny pull routine whole

↓

Were you under oath?

oath

↓

Uh, no.

↓

Cool! Well, that's a weight off.

cool weight

↓

- Why? - Well,

↓

you said all that stuff about not collecting user data.

collecting data stuff user

↓

- Yes? - But we are.

↓

- I am. - What?

↓

But I'm doing the right thing now

↓

by telling you, so I feel like...

telling

↓

I-I'm sorry, Colin.

colin

↓

How long have you been collecting user data?

collecting data user

↓

Sorta... the whole time.

sorta whole

↓

But it's just to improve

improve

↓

the quality of my gameplay. I'm not using it to sell ads.

quality sell using

↓

It doesn't fucking matter.

fucking matter

↓

It goes against the principles of this company. I mean...

company principles

↓

Shit, I just lied to Congress.

congress lied

↓

No.

↓

You said a lie to Congress,

congress

↓

but you didn't know at the time, I guess.

↓

Don't beat yourself up about it, huh?

beat

↓

But going forward, maybe stop saying that.

forward

↓

Are you fucking kidding me?

fucking fucking-kidding kidding

↓

Or do say it. I don't care.

care

↓

Maybe it'll be like Google saying "Don't be evil",

evil google itll

↓

or Facebook saying "I'm sorry, we'll do better",

facebook

↓

or me saying "Gates of Galloo does not leave your headset mic open

gates headset open

↓

and record everything you say. Suck it."

record suck

↓

Sweet fucking shit.

fucking sweet

↓

A-a-are you... bugging people and storing

bugging storing

↓

their private conversations on my network?

conversations network private

↓

Colin! This stops, now.

colin stops

↓

It would really be better for me

↓

if you just stopped lying about it,

lying stopped

↓

'cause the game's pretty boss.

boss games

↓

No, no. I'm the boss,

boss

↓

and I'm telling you that this is over, Colin.

colin telling

↓

- It's done. - Agree to disagree.

agree disagree

↓

I'm glad we had this talk.

glad

↓

Can't believe I was so nervous.

believe nervous

↓

Congratulations.

congratulations

↓

Okay.

↓

Oh, Richard! Hey.

richard

↓

This is Sam Liccardo, the mayor of San Jose.

mayor

↓

There's a major fucking problem.

fucking major problem

↓

Just meet me in my office in two minutes. Act normal.

meet minutes normal office

↓

Sorry, just excuse me for a second.

excuse second

↓

Hey, Jared!

jared

↓

Hey, Tracy!

tracy

↓

- How's my favorite human resource? - I'm fine, thanks.

favorite human thanks

↓

Did anyone mention our plan to move your office?

mention office plan

↓

We're thinking about putting you closer to biz dev and marketing.

closer marketing putting thinking

↓

But that's... all the way back in the Hamelin Wing.

wing

↓

Yeah! Follow me, I'll show you.

follow

↓

Um... Okay, it's just,

↓

that's a little far from... from Richard's office.

office

↓

Yes, but you really don't have any

↓

day-to-day business with Richard anymore.

anymore business richard

↓

I mean, we were just walking and talking before.

walking

↓

Oh. Looks like they're having a meeting. I should probably...

having meeting

↓

It's just better for office cohesion

office

↓

if you sit near your direct reports,

direct near reports

↓

and that is biz dev and marketing.

marketing

↓

Yeah, no, you mentioned that. It's...

mentioned

↓

it's an interesting idea, but I just think that, um,

idea interesting

↓

I think we should check with Richard first

check richard

↓

'cause I think he's gonna want me a little bit closer.

closer

↓

Of course. It's subject to his approval.

approval course subject

↓

- Okay. - I've already emailed him.

↓

I think once you see the conference room suites though,

conference conference-room room

↓

you'll really fall in love.

fall love

↓

- Okay. Yeah. - Just right through here.

↓

Well, I don't fall in love with rooms.

fall love rooms

↓

So, how do we get rid of this fucker?

fucker

↓

Look, Richard, I don't like this any more than you do,

richard

↓

but we can't get rid of Colin.

colin

↓

He's our most profitable developer by far.

profitable

↓

- So what? We have other developers. - We do,

↓

but they're all entangled with Galloo!

↓

We worked really hard to build a whole ecosystem around it.

build ecosystem hard whole worked

↓

It's like if you cancel a Warriors game, you're not just

cancel game warriors

↓

hurting the team, but you're also hurting the parking attendants,

attendants hurting parking team

↓

and the T-shirt guys, and the concessions.

shirt

↓

Okay. Thank you, Monica,

↓

for putting it into an analogy that will resonate with me.

putting

↓

- Football. - It's basketball.

basketball football

↓

- No, I know. - Losing him is no longer a simple thing.

longer losing simple

↓

So, what are you saying? We just do nothing?

↓

Richard, he's not selling ads.

richard selling

↓

He's just using it to optimize the performance of his game.

game performance using

↓

It's actually a fairly elegant implementation.

elegant fairly

↓

What?

↓

What?!

↓

Hiroshima was an elegant implementation.

elegant

↓

- I don't think anyone agrees with you on that. - No, I'm saying,

agrees

↓

just because it's successful, doesn't mean it's good.

successful

↓

I mean, it goes against everything we stand for.

stand

↓

I mean, if we start collecting personal data

collecting data personal start

↓

"just for the good stuff", I mean, next thing we know,

stuff

↓

- we're fucking Facebook. - Well,

facebook fucking

↓

for the record, I would not mind being fucking Facebook.

facebook fucking mind record

↓

No. We gotta kick him off, okay? There are 500 people out there

kick

↓

who believe in this company's ethics and standards.

believe companys ethics standards

↓

There are 532 people out there,

↓

and someone has got to pay for them.

↓

Right now, it's Colin.

colin

↓

Ditching him would be too complicated.

complicated ditching

↓

You know what's not too complicated?

complicated

↓

Hawaii. In Hawaii,

hawaii

↓

aloha means hello and goodbye.

goodbye

↓

They use the same word to mean two things

word

↓

that are the exact opposite.

exact exact-opposite opposite

↓

That's awesome, and I have a chance to go there

awesome chance

↓

as long as Colin is on our network.

colin network

↓

Aloha.

↓

So, Colin betrays us and we just tolerate it?

colin tolerate

↓

Great.

↓

This is the cost of working with humans, Richard.

cost humans richard working

↓

They suck.

suck

↓

Gavin, after months

months

↓

of protracted negotiations,

↓

I'm happy to say that we've come

happy

↓

to final terms on our sale to Amazon.

amazon final sale terms

↓

Merger. Continue.

continue merger

↓

Amazon has agreed to no layoffs, and they'll even provide

agreed amazon provide

↓

retention bonuses for a period of two years.

bonuses period years

↓

Uh, what about my role?

role

↓

No change. Essentially, you'll still have

change essentially

↓

complete discretion over all of your divisions

complete

↓

exactly as you enjoy right now.

enjoy

↓

Full executive privileges.

executive full privileges

↓

Perksssss...

↓

Well, congratulations, Team Hooli!

congratulations team

↓

Oh, um, about that.

↓

Uh, that was their one major stipulation.

major

↓

From this point on, all of our properties will be rebranded.

point

↓

- As... as what? - As Amazon!

amazon

↓

What?

↓

Hoover!

hoover

↓

Bezos wants to just erase the Hooli name from history?

erase history name wants

↓

Mr. Bezos simply felt that the Hooli name had...

name simply

↓

What were his exact words?

exact exact-words words

↓

Um "A...

↓

stink."

stink

↓

Hoover, goddammit! Stop it!

goddammit hoover

↓

You can't just threaten people with violence.

threaten violence

↓

Go stand over there.

stand

↓

You tell Bezos we keep the Hooli name,

name

↓

or he can go fuck himself with his rocket ship.

fuck rocket rocket-ship ship

↓

What is Amazon anyway?

amazon

↓

Is it a river? Is it a giant woman?

giant river woman

↓

It's not clear. No.

clear

↓

We keep the name Hooli.

name

↓

- That's a deal breaker. - Gavin,

breaker deal

↓

is not Hooli more than simply a name?

name simply

↓

Is-is it not the culture and the...

culture

↓

great products? The liberal...

liberal products

↓

private aviation policy?

policy private

↓

- No. - You know that the board

board

↓

- has decided to sell, right, Gavin? - You know what?

decided sell

↓

I've still got friends in this town.

friends town

↓

I'll put together some investors.

investors

↓

Amazon can take a chunk of our assets,

amazon assets chunk

↓

but Hooli will remain a viable and independent entity,

entity independent remain

↓

even if we have to shed a few divisions

shed

↓

and trim a little fat.

trim

↓

_

↓

_

↓

_

↓

_

↓

So, Dinesh thinks this is you?

thinks

↓

Correct.

correct

↓

He's been messaging with it all day

messaging

↓

and he has no idea it's an AI.

idea

↓

Well, we fooled a human.

fooled human

↓

I guess we just passed the Turing test.

passed test

↓

Almost a human.

human

↓

Fucking Gilfoyle.

fucking

↓

We're friends.

friends

↓

You trained that thing in a day?

trained

↓

No, I didn't train it. Son of Anton did.

train

↓

- Son of Anton? - An homage to a fallen friend.

fallen friend

↓

It's the name that I've given our new inference API.

given name

↓

He's indexing all of PiperNet as we speak,

speak

↓

and he's starting to recognize intent,

intent recognize starting

↓

emotion, causality.

emotion

↓

Hang on, wait. Uh...

hang

↓

Do you think you could engineer Son of Anton

engineer

↓

to index compressed audio files?

audio files

↓

Why would you insult me like that?

insult

↓

He can do whatever he wants.

wants

↓

Okay.

↓

Uh, hey, Dinesh?

↓

Yes?

↓

Can I get the latest tech specs from you, please?

latest specs tech

↓

I've already sent them to you five times.

five five-times sent times

↓

I don't really wanna dig through my inbox.

↓

Um, so if you sent it now, it'll be on top.

itll sent

↓

I'll wait.

↓

Wearable chair.

chair

↓

Sending now.

sending

↓

Okay. Thank you, Dinesh.

↓

_

↓

_

↓

Gilfoyle just said...

↓

_

↓

_

↓

_

↓

Um, Gilfoyle?

↓

What the fuck is going on?

fuck

↓

'Cause I just texted you,

texted

↓

and you were... Um,

↓

we've been texting back and forth all day.

forth texting

↓

Was that not you?

↓

Complicated question.

complicated question

↓

Is your shadow you?

shadow

↓

- Was that a bot? - Yes.

↓

So, I spent all day chatting with a bot?

chatting spent

↓

- Yes. - You made an AI Gilfoyle?

↓

- Yes. - And I was talking to it?

↓

Do you need the real me for this conversation?

conversation real

↓

You can't just fuck with people and manipulate them

fuck manipulate

↓

because you don't have the decency

decency

↓

to want to interact with a coworker.

coworker

↓

Gabe wants to know if he'll need a jacket if he walks to lunch.

gabe jacket lunch walks wants

↓

And if so, can he borrow a jacket.

borrow jacket

↓

Look at him. Fucking Gabe.

fucking gabe

↓

Hey, could you make me an AI Dinesh?

↓

We are down to the final few decisions

decisions final

↓

in our new baseline contract for strategic developers.

contract strategic

↓

Let me provide some context on each

context provide

↓

before providing recommendations.

providing

↓

The first is how indemnification will work,

↓

given that our network provides distributive storage.

given network storage

↓

The second is how licensing

second

↓

and access fees will be applied

access applied

↓

to copyrighted material given that

given material

↓

our network also does not allow any

allow network

↓

- tracking or user... - Hey.

tracking user

↓

- Can you talk? - Oh, hell yes.

↓

I charge all kinds of shit to the investors.

charge investors kinds

↓

I bought a Jet Ski, I bought a snowmobile,

bought

↓

I bought a 10-pack of piano lessons...

bought lessons pack piano

↓

He flat-out admits to embezzlement.

flat

↓

- Where'd you get this? - Colin!

colin whered

↓

He's been storing private conversations

conversations private storing

↓

on our network, including his own.

including network

↓

Because he's got gaming headsets everywhere.

gaming

↓

At his office, at his house, at his RV,

house office

↓

and they are live 24/7.

live

↓

We have thousands of hours of his private conversations.

conversations hours private thousands

↓

You see, once I paired the automagical Son of Anton

↓

with my compression algorithm,

algorithm

↓

and gave it access to Galloo Games's database,

access database

↓

it indexed it all in less than 10 minutes,

less minutes

↓

and generated this.

↓

Jared, this is a graph

graph jared

↓

of all of his voice recordings,

voice

↓

clustered by keyword.

↓

I mean, look at this.

↓

He steals, uh,

steals

↓

he does drugs at work, uh,

drugs

↓

he's even sleeping with one of his investor's wives.

investors sleeping wives

↓

I mean, this guy is dirty as a dog and we got him! Cold!

cold dirty

↓

Hold on. What-what are you suggesting here?

suggesting

↓

Blackmail?

blackmail

↓

- No... I... no. I... I don't... - Richard,

richard

↓

what Colin is doing is clearly, and gobsmackingly, awful.

awful colin

↓

But we're supposed to be the virtuous ones here,

ones supposed

↓

and-and this is... just plain wrong.

plain

↓

Yeah. Okay.

↓

Yeah, I guess, yeah.

↓

I guess you're right. I'll think of something else.

↓

- Yeah. - I mean, he started it,

started

↓

but I don't know.

↓

Yeah. Yeah.

↓

I don't know. Okay. I don't know.

↓

- Hey, Richard? - Hmm?

richard

↓

Um, did Tracy happen to talk to you

happen tracy

↓

about moving my office down here?

moving office

↓

Yeah, she... she mentioned it. I approved it.

approved mentioned

↓

- Oh, you did? - Yeah.

↓

- Yeah. - Yeah.

↓

Okay, then.

↓

Richard?

richard

↓

Um...

↓

I mean, Colin lied to you first...

colin lied

↓

about collecting data, right?

collecting data

↓

- Yes, he did. - So,

↓

even if this is wrong,

↓

I suppose you could argue that

argue suppose

↓

it's wrong in the service of rightness.

service

↓

Yeah.

↓

It's, um...

↓

it's, uh, unethical

↓

in the defense of ethics.

defense ethics

↓

Uh, unjust in the quest for justice.

justice quest

↓

It's like stealing from your pimp

pimp stealing

↓

to pay for your friend's appendectomy.

appendectomy friends

↓

Yeah, a-and everyone else,

↓

Monica, Dinesh, and Gilfoyle,

↓

they're all just perfectly content

content perfectly

↓

with letting this guy shit

letting

↓

all over everything we believe in.

believe

↓

But are we, Jared?

jared

↓

Richard...

richard

↓

let's go put a foot in Colin's ass.

colins foot

↓

Danny, don't be a fucking bitch.

bitch danny fucking fucking-bitch

↓

I'll get you the tanning bed.

tanning

↓

I charge shit to the investors all the time.

charge investors

↓

I put two grams of coke on the company card last week.

card coke company grams week

↓

Aah, fuck.

fuck

↓

You see, Colin, we were able to break down

able break colin

↓

all of your misdeeds by category,

category

↓

including a catch-all for personal embarrassment.

catch embarrassment including personal

↓

Masturbation, farts,

farts masturbation

↓

the one time you said that

↓

you could, if you wanted to,

wanted

↓

get porn of your sister.

porn sister

↓

You get the gist. Data collection.

collection data data-collection

↓

Not so boss when it happens to you, is it, Colin?

boss colin happens

↓

Holy shit.

holy

↓

I say, what time is it?

↓

Uh... Where's my phone.

phone

↓

Uh, do you have a phone? Do you have a phone?

phone

↓

It is fuck you o'clock!

fuck oclock

↓

Seven, you say?

seven

↓

Oh! Well, hey, isn't that the...

↓

time your board is meeting tonight?

board meeting tonight

↓

It's on my freaking shared Exchange calendar.

calendar exchange freaking shared

↓

Oh, oh look! There they are right now!

↓

- Look at that! - Say, Richard, that, uh,

richard

↓

that a looks a lot like Harold Gibbons, the man...

↓

whom Colin has made a cuckold of.

colin

↓

It does.

↓

- Dude. - You just messed

messed

↓

with the wrong pair of boys.

boys pair

↓

Here's what's gonna happen.

happen

↓

You're gonna march into that meeting, and you're gonna make

march meeting

↓

an amendment to your company bylaws

amendment company

↓

that you will never record

record

↓

or collect user data ever again.

collect data user

↓

Unless, of course, you want the information

course information

↓

on that little thumb drive

drive thumb

↓

to get out.

↓

Son of a bitch.

bitch

↓

You can keep that one, Colin. We've made copies.

colin copies

↓

Yeah. Walk... walk your ass out of here,

walk

↓

you liar, and why don't you...

liar

↓

- Go... fucking... die. - Die!

fucking

↓

This, Richard, this!

richard

↓

Let's break something.

break

↓

Don't come over, don't come over, don't come over.

↓

I gotta say, this is amazing.

amazing

↓

Gabe whines and complains and AI Dinesh

gabe whines

↓

just takes care of it. Thank you so much!

care takes takes-care

↓

My auntie sent me a Hawaiian shirt.

hawaiian sent shirt

↓

AI Dinesh must've told her about Hawaii.

hawaii mustve

↓

Stop.

↓

Why would AI Dinesh be talking to your aunt?

aunt

↓

I specifically told you you could only use it with Gabe.

gabe specifically

↓

But it was going so well with Gabe that

gabe

↓

I might've given AI Dinesh access to all my contacts

access contacts given mightve

↓

just to handle talking to my auntie,

handle

↓

and my parents.

parents

↓

Why would you give AI Dinesh access to your contacts,

access contacts

↓

you fucking moron?

fucking moron

↓

I'm one of your contacts.

contacts

↓

- So? - So, at some point,

point

↓

AI Dinesh is going to reach out to AI Gilfoyle.

reach

↓

Oh fuck.

fuck

↓

Oh fuck indeed.

fuck indeed

↓

Uh, hey, Dinesh?

↓

Yes, Gabe?

gabe

↓

I think the network is down.

network

↓

Thank you, Gabe.

gabe

↓

Uh, hey, Dinesh?

↓

Yes, Gabe?

gabe

↓

Can you fix it?

↓

Oh.

↓

Ah, Uber's almost here.

↓

You know, um, there's a couple of beers

beers couple

↓

back at the office with our names on them

names office

↓

'cause when I put it back in the fridge,

fridge

↓

I put our names on them.

names

↓

Sure. Yeah, we've earned it.

earned

↓

What Richard created is fucking amazing.

amazing created fucking richard

↓

We're all gonna be rich! Look,

rich

↓

I'm doing blow, so it's lighting up drugs,

blow drugs lighting

↓

but it's also lighting up unprotected sex

lighting

↓

and geotagging the Four Seasons.

four seasons

↓

It's the greatest data aggregating platform in history.

data greatest history platform

↓

This could flip our whole business model,

business business-model flip model whole

↓

and Richard developed it specifically for us.

developed richard specifically

↓

Hey! There he is.

↓

So, you guys wanna hear me banging Harold's wife? Sorry.

banging wife

↓

It's okay, we're poly. Right, Dan?

↓

Over seven million emails.

emails million seven

↓

- All on our servers. - My servers.

servers

↓

Virtually all containing racist invective,

racist virtually

↓

and pornographic diagrams.

pornographic

↓

- Yep. - Care to explain?

care explain

↓

AI glitch.

glitch

↓

Human error.

error human

↓

I will rectify.

↓

Oh, oh, no, don't delete AI Dinesh. I love him.

delete love

↓

I can be more like AI Dinesh.

↓

I'll learn from my mistakes. I'll optimize myself...

learn mistakes

↓

And...

↓

deleted.

deleted

↓

Uh, hey, Dinesh?

↓

Can I get the tech spec from you, please?

tech

↓

Sure, Gabe.

gabe

↓

- Paul! - Gavin.

paul

↓

Did the deal close?

close deal

↓

- It did. - What'd I tell you?

whatd

↓

Did you actually look at the specifics of the deal?

deal specifics

↓

I didn't have to. Did we have to shut some divisions?

↓

Of course. Will some people have to sacrifice

course sacrifice

↓

their pensions and the like? Well, that's up to you,

↓

but we all have to make sacrifices for the cause.

sacrifices

↓

I really wish you had looked at these numbers.

looked numbers wish

↓

The new Hooli will be significantly smaller.

significantly smaller

↓

But you just said Hooli. Did you hear that?

↓

And that's all that really matters.

matters

↓

- So, make it work. - Yes, I've been trying.

↓

To-to that end, uh,

↓

since we have so many employees moving to Amazon,

amazon employees moving

↓

we don't need as much space

space

↓

and we need to reduce cost.

cost reduce

↓

- So... - What is going on?

↓

- Why is their logo bigger than ours? - _

bigger

↓

Because, technically, we are now subletting from them.

technically

↓

It was the only way Hooli could afford to stay here.

afford

↓

You're telling me that El Pollo Loco corporate

corporate telling

↓

has more employees than we do?

employees

↓

How many divisions did I just give up?

↓

We need to fix this! Now!

↓

The term sheet is binding,

binding sheet term

↓

and, as of this morning, I now work at Amazon.

amazon morning

↓

Be well, Gavin.

↓

Fuck!

fuck

↓

What do you mean, "Am I still happy at Pied Piper?"

happy piper

↓

W-why would you even ask me that?

↓

Well, I know you're my therapist.

therapist

↓

I was there when the court appointed you.

appointed court

↓

But I-I let my desire to be around Richard,

desire richard

↓

and to be needed by him,

needed

↓

turn me into some kind of a craven yes-man,

↓

and it clouded my judgment,

judgment

↓

and I led him down a horrible path.

horrible path

↓

What?

↓

I'm not... I'm not gonna dignify that. Of course I belong there.

belong course

↓

Where else would I possibly belong?

belong possibly

↓

All right, well,

↓

I'm home, so...

home

↓

I guess we're gonna have to, uh...

↓

Jared?

jared

↓

What are you doing here?

↓

I-I don't know.

↓

Thought you moved out?

moved

↓

It's Big Head, from here.

head

↓

The garage hasn't changed a bit.

changed garage

↓

Although, the rodents are back in force.

force rodents

↓

Oh, cool.

cool

↓

Big Head,

head

↓

I need to talk to you about business.

business

↓

- Oh hi, Jared. - Jian-Yang, I was just

jared yang

↓

taking a little walk down memory lane...

lane memory walk

↓

Can you stay or go? This is not interesting to me.

interesting

↓

Big Head,

head

↓

we need to kick Gwart out of the incubator.

kick

↓

Oh, really? I thought we like Gwart.

↓

Oh, damn it.

↓

Gwart?

↓

Gwart has a very good idea,

idea

↓

very good software,

software

↓

but when I ask her for business plan,

business plan

↓

she doesn't have a business plan.

business plan

↓

She's a brilliant coder,

brilliant

↓

but this is not a charity.

charity

↓

She's also not very friendly.

friendly

↓

It's a bad for the vibe.

vibe

↓

This place should be a cool hang.

cool hang place

↓

I got you some new cans, by the way.

cans

↓

Thank you, Big Head.

head

↓

Nice.

↓

Hey.

↓

Looks like you could use a little help?

↓

May I?

↓

Hi, I'm Jared.

jared

↓

A man offered us a billion dollars.

billion billion-dollars dollars offered

↓

You said, "no".

↓

A very bad man. And he would have turned us

turned

↓

into the worst possible version of ourselves.

possible version worst

↓

I mean, you can't put a price on ethics.

ethics price

↓

But it seems you just did.

seems

↓

One billion dollars.

billion billion-dollars dollars

↓

I will be asking the tech community

asking community tech

↓

to sign their name onto this.

name sign

↓

Tech ethics. Or tethics for short.

ethics short tech

↓

No one in town is ever gonna sign

sign town

↓

this hypocrite's hypocritical garbage.

garbage

↓

Hey, Richard.

richard

↓

Ah... what?

↓

- It's my resignation letter. - What?

letter

↓

Pied Piper isn't the same company

company piper

↓

that I signed up for. She has different needs now.

needs signed

↓

You buddy fucker.

buddy fucker

↓

I'm not a buddy fucker.

buddy fucker

↓

I am your buddy,

buddy

↓

and you are fucking me. Ergo...

fucking

↓

you are a buddy fucker.

buddy fucker

↓

- See the logo? - Russ.

↓

Check it!

check

↓

One, two, three. Boom! Tres commas tequila. Boom!

boom tequila three

↓

Dollar sign, boom! Billionaire, boom!

billionaire boom dollar sign

↓

Russ, boom! Fest, boom! Russfest!

boom fest

↓

You're not doing anything illegal here, are you?

illegal

↓

Fuck the police.

fuck police

↓

- Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -

corrected synced